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MARY WICKES ASSAULTED ME

Who assaulted you, DL?

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by Anonymousreply 368October 15, 2021 1:17 AM

Vivian Vance. And I liked it.

by Anonymousreply 1November 10, 2017 7:09 PM

Edna May Oliver. A veritable octopus.

by Anonymousreply 2November 10, 2017 7:10 PM

Gladys Kravitz

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by Anonymousreply 3November 10, 2017 7:10 PM

#MeToo. She lifted her habit on the set of [italic]Sister Act[/italic] and told me, "Eat hearty!" On the upside, this was the genesis of my stunning weight loss.

by Anonymousreply 4November 10, 2017 7:10 PM

Reta Shaw forced me to watch her jill off in the costume room of "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir."

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by Anonymousreply 5November 10, 2017 7:13 PM

Rula Lenska

by Anonymousreply 6November 10, 2017 7:15 PM

Mary Pickford once lifted up her skirt and showed me her knees and said, "How you like them apples"

I cried into my pillow later that night.

by Anonymousreply 7November 10, 2017 7:16 PM

She diddled me in the styrofoam cove.

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by Anonymousreply 8November 10, 2017 7:28 PM

Casper Van Dien - and I loved it!

by Anonymousreply 9November 10, 2017 7:31 PM

Maudie Prickett demanded I climb under her sensible skirt, and all from that point on was tweed and regret.

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by Anonymousreply 10November 10, 2017 7:34 PM

R9 The Man.

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by Anonymousreply 11November 10, 2017 7:36 PM

"MARY WICKES ASSAULTED ME"

Well, Wickes do like their flamers, OP!

by Anonymousreply 12November 10, 2017 7:37 PM

Juliet Mills touched my no-no zone a lot!

by Anonymousreply 13November 10, 2017 7:44 PM

Josephine the Plumber did dirty, dirty things to me.

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by Anonymousreply 14November 10, 2017 7:45 PM

R14

You loved it didn't you ? Admit it boy !

by Anonymousreply 15November 10, 2017 7:47 PM

Aunt Bea !!!! She covered me with banana pudding and meringue and allowed Floyd the barber to eat it off me !!!!!

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by Anonymousreply 16November 10, 2017 7:48 PM

Fran Ryan

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by Anonymousreply 17November 10, 2017 7:49 PM

Elsa Lanchester wanted me to dress just like her for 1 day.

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by Anonymousreply 18November 10, 2017 7:50 PM

Barbara Pepper

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by Anonymousreply 19November 10, 2017 7:51 PM

Mary Treen

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by Anonymousreply 20November 10, 2017 7:52 PM

She never touched me, liars!

by Anonymousreply 21November 10, 2017 7:52 PM

Carmen Miranda sodomized me with one of her bananas

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by Anonymousreply 22November 10, 2017 7:54 PM

Ethel Mae Potter forced me to lick her in the twatter.

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by Anonymousreply 23November 10, 2017 7:56 PM

I was double-teamed by both Darrins!

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by Anonymousreply 24November 10, 2017 7:58 PM

Elvia Allman tried to take my virtue!

by Anonymousreply 25November 10, 2017 7:58 PM

Mary Grace Canfield gazed lustily upon my nether regions!

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by Anonymousreply 26November 10, 2017 8:02 PM

I assaulted myself when I was standing by Dawn Wells in her short shorts.

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by Anonymousreply 27November 10, 2017 8:08 PM

Elizabeth Patterson stuck her hand down my pants.

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by Anonymousreply 28November 10, 2017 8:08 PM

Carolyn Appleby. Fingered my hole. Called it a mistake.

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by Anonymousreply 29November 10, 2017 8:14 PM

Bea Benaderet originated the "fudgy fingers" b-hole assault generations before Jessica Graf was doing it on Big Brother.

by Anonymousreply 30November 10, 2017 8:14 PM

Bea Benaderet originated the "fudgy fingers" b-hole assault generations before Jessica Graf was doing it on Big Brother.

by Anonymousreply 31November 10, 2017 8:14 PM

Shirley Booth masturbated in front of me.

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by Anonymousreply 32November 10, 2017 8:34 PM

Harriet MacGibbon forced me to listen to her finger herself on the telephone!

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by Anonymousreply 33November 10, 2017 8:38 PM

Amzie Strickland, Doris Packer, and Eleanor Audley gang-banged me.

by Anonymousreply 34November 10, 2017 8:39 PM

And it fucking HURT!

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by Anonymousreply 35November 10, 2017 8:43 PM

Mabel Albertson

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by Anonymousreply 36November 10, 2017 8:43 PM

Mabel Albertson roofied me at Skybar in 2003.

by Anonymousreply 37November 10, 2017 8:44 PM

Sandra Gould ate my balls!

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by Anonymousreply 38November 10, 2017 8:44 PM

Cheetah wouldn't keep his dirty paws off me!

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by Anonymousreply 39November 10, 2017 8:47 PM

Martita Hunt tweaked my ear because I brought in her morning tea on a tray too early disturbing her Nude Yoga session while waiting for her call on the Warner Bros set doing 'Route 66'. I was a bit distracted at the time because I also had to service George Maharis and Glenn Corbett.

by Anonymousreply 40November 10, 2017 8:50 PM

Wilona slapped it!

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by Anonymousreply 41November 10, 2017 8:52 PM

Cheerio Meredith pinched me on the but-tox.

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by Anonymousreply 42November 10, 2017 8:53 PM

Nancy Kulp made me exhibit myself in front of her!

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by Anonymousreply 43November 10, 2017 8:59 PM

[quote] Ethel Mae Potter forced me to lick her in the twatter.

She tried to assault me, but I told her "I have sufficient."

by Anonymousreply 44November 10, 2017 9:05 PM

I was forced to submit....I had no power against her.

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by Anonymousreply 45November 10, 2017 9:06 PM

Dora, I suspect you're a treasure!

(Now when you're finished massaging Mother, I can use you.)

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by Anonymousreply 46November 10, 2017 9:14 PM

Sorry for the double post—it was my PTSD kicking in. :(

by Anonymousreply 47November 10, 2017 9:41 PM

Aimee Semple McPherson made me get on my knees, and it wasn't to pray.

by Anonymousreply 48November 10, 2017 9:43 PM

Mary Jane Croft REPEATEDLY called my home and demanded, "Is this the COCKSUCKER residence?"

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by Anonymousreply 49November 10, 2017 9:49 PM

"Elsa Lanchester "

Well, R18, it WOULD be an improvement.

by Anonymousreply 50November 10, 2017 9:51 PM

I think Gracie Allen assaulted me but I was so confused afterwards I'm not entirely sure.

by Anonymousreply 51November 10, 2017 9:52 PM

Ann B. Davis made me clean her house.

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by Anonymousreply 52November 10, 2017 9:56 PM

Hope Emerson!

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by Anonymousreply 53November 10, 2017 10:13 PM

Bunny Bixler pushed her tennis balls into my.....well, there.

It was GHASTLY.

by Anonymousreply 54November 10, 2017 10:15 PM

Spring Byington pegged me all summer, fall, and winter.

by Anonymousreply 55November 10, 2017 10:28 PM

Does being sodomized by Arlene Golonka in a Howard Johnson's (restaurant not motel) count?

by Anonymousreply 56November 10, 2017 10:30 PM

That horrible Angela Lansbury wouldn’t keep her hands off of me.

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by Anonymousreply 57November 10, 2017 10:35 PM

Kathy Bates made me eat Count Chocula with her at 2:00 a.m.

by Anonymousreply 58November 10, 2017 10:35 PM

Madge Blake shoved a Batarang up my ass.

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by Anonymousreply 59November 10, 2017 10:36 PM

um, R57?......

by Anonymousreply 60November 10, 2017 10:39 PM

Mary Worth.

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by Anonymousreply 61November 10, 2017 10:39 PM

Madge put my hand in Palmolive.

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by Anonymousreply 62November 10, 2017 10:44 PM

Zara Cully pressed her leg against mine for the entire flight from LAX to JFK.

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by Anonymousreply 63November 10, 2017 10:45 PM

Judith Lowry put a crochet needle in my mussy.

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by Anonymousreply 64November 10, 2017 10:47 PM

Ellen Corby got me involved in satanic rituals !!!!!

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by Anonymousreply 65November 10, 2017 10:55 PM

OMG R32, you too? I got a lemon chiffon pie out of it.

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by Anonymousreply 66November 10, 2017 10:56 PM

Weezy Jefferson put her hands at my Centah! And it didn't Help!

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by Anonymousreply 67November 10, 2017 10:58 PM

Doris Singleton made me watch while she scissored with her daughter MaryAnn!

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by Anonymousreply 68November 10, 2017 11:02 PM

Reta Shaw made me grope her heaving bosoms. And I creid.

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by Anonymousreply 69November 10, 2017 11:03 PM

Dr. Ruth.

She spiked my drink!

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by Anonymousreply 70November 10, 2017 11:06 PM

Alice Backes gave me an enema against my will!

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by Anonymousreply 71November 10, 2017 11:08 PM

Shirley Jones assaulted me and sang the entire time it happened. I'm not sure which was worse.

by Anonymousreply 72November 10, 2017 11:08 PM

Nedra Volz would offer to lick my taint while pleasuring herself. Topless.

by Anonymousreply 73November 10, 2017 11:10 PM

Shirley Hemphill taught me how to love again.

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by Anonymousreply 74November 10, 2017 11:10 PM

Miss Sissy Boodles.

My first (and last) experience with a pussy.

by Anonymousreply 75November 10, 2017 11:11 PM

Phil Ober.

by Anonymousreply 76November 10, 2017 11:15 PM

Rose Marie made me use her pubes as dental floss.

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by Anonymousreply 77November 10, 2017 11:16 PM

Audra Lindley anally molested me with a coat hanger. A wire one.

by Anonymousreply 78November 10, 2017 11:16 PM

Cathleen Nesbitt repeatedly violated me while going up and down her Acorn Stairlift.

by Anonymousreply 79November 10, 2017 11:18 PM

Ethel Merman made me wear her wig lip sync to her disco album.

by Anonymousreply 80November 10, 2017 11:18 PM

Sorry ... forgot the evidence.

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by Anonymousreply 81November 10, 2017 11:18 PM

I was looking for Mary Treen when Joe Besser gave me such a pinch.

I ran to Sunset Gower to seek solace from Shirley Booth, but I suffered the same fate with her as others above. I was silenced with Parker House Rolls. She was a doozy.

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by Anonymousreply 82November 10, 2017 11:18 PM

Patsy Kelly drugged me

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by Anonymousreply 83November 10, 2017 11:24 PM

Spring Byington hypnotized me into being her love slave!

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by Anonymousreply 84November 10, 2017 11:25 PM

Lauren Bacall made me go down on her while she yelled out High Point coffee slogans.

by Anonymousreply 85November 10, 2017 11:26 PM

LaWanda Page beat me with her purse. Does that count?

by Anonymousreply 86November 10, 2017 11:29 PM

Mrs. Patsy Ramsey, formerly of Boulder, CO took me down to he basement.

by Anonymousreply 87November 10, 2017 11:39 PM

June Allyson maid we wear Pamper , I need not go into the details other than I was the "baby", later in life she was able to cash in on her sick fetish !

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by Anonymousreply 88November 10, 2017 11:39 PM

She whose name I dare not speak.

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by Anonymousreply 89November 10, 2017 11:42 PM

Miss Andy Cohen made me sit through a Watch What Happens Live marathon.

Does that count?

by Anonymousreply 90November 10, 2017 11:43 PM

I still can't talk about the night I was kidnapped by Brett Somers. All I can say is that it involved Smirnoff, Marlboro Reds, and a hotel in Encino. I still don't feel clean.

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by Anonymousreply 91November 10, 2017 11:49 PM

Damn, funniest thread I've read in a long time. Thanks for cheering me up, DL!

by Anonymousreply 92November 10, 2017 11:58 PM

Irene Tedrow smirked as I wept at the touch of her gardening trowel.

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by Anonymousreply 93November 11, 2017 12:04 AM

A fully sated Margo Channing enjoyed a smoke afterwards.

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by Anonymousreply 94November 11, 2017 12:08 AM

Ina Garten gave me a Dutch oven.

by Anonymousreply 95November 11, 2017 12:09 AM

I've never spoken about this, until now. I was an extra on "What's Happening". I could sing and my Mother was desperate to get me work. Typical stage mother. She was gonna be a star through me. Then on the last day of rehearsals, that's when it happened. Mabel King lured me into her dressing room. I remember her silky voice, it was like velvet.. 'come here baby, I got some candy for you'. I was so naïve. I walked in. "Your mother told me that you can sing, pretty baby. That you want to be on the Broadway," she said in a whisper. "I'm working on my next play, do you want a part." As she said this, I remember the sound of her housecoat unbuttoning and the sighs she would make after each button came undone... oh God... oh God... I can't go on. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done this. It still too painful.

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by Anonymousreply 96November 11, 2017 12:15 AM

Rose Marie said I could tie her bow any ol' time

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by Anonymousreply 97November 11, 2017 12:17 AM

Mary Astor kept pummeling me while talking about this Falcon, this damn Falcon. Unfortunately it wasn't about the studio, but I still gave her the bird.

by Anonymousreply 98November 11, 2017 12:18 AM

Dorothy and Lillian Gish four-fisted my widdle wee-wee and now it's a Carlsbad woo-woo. Clara Bow walked into my dressing room and said I made her look like a virgin.

Now if I don't keep my legs tightly crossed there's an echo on the set and Mr. Griffith hits me with his riding crop and the Bitches Gish laugh. They are MEANIES.

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by Anonymousreply 99November 11, 2017 12:24 AM

Rocky the Flying Squirrel.

He took my pencil away so that I couldn't use the phone to call for help.

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by Anonymousreply 100November 11, 2017 12:25 AM

Franklin Pangborn.

All I can say is I laughed until it hurt.

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by Anonymousreply 101November 11, 2017 12:27 AM

Irene Ryan forced me to go skinny-dipping with her in the cee-ment pond.

by Anonymousreply 102November 11, 2017 12:28 AM

Kaye Ballard. It was hot.

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by Anonymousreply 103November 11, 2017 12:29 AM

Edna Turnblad forced me to scrub her back in the shower.

I've blocked out what happened after I dropped the soap.

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by Anonymousreply 104November 11, 2017 12:33 AM

Rossy de Palma. That nose is the biggest cock I've ever had.

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by Anonymousreply 105November 11, 2017 12:35 AM

She, she, she would pu, pu, put her pur, pur, purse on her lap and tell me to reach in really deep if I wanted a piece of har, har, hard candy. I didn't know she had a sl, sl, slit in the bottom of the purse!

And as I reached down with my arm in the purse up to my little elbow and she kept yelling, "Rummage!!!! Rummage!!!!" and wriggling around in a scary way.

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by Anonymousreply 106November 11, 2017 12:36 AM

Gangbanged by Eve Arden and Kaye Ballard.

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by Anonymousreply 107November 11, 2017 12:41 AM

That bitch taught me what the term "Lassie Lick" meant in a very naughty way.

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by Anonymousreply 108November 11, 2017 12:45 AM

Kathryn Card

Got me hard.

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by Anonymousreply 109November 11, 2017 12:47 AM

Thelma Ritter

Licked my shitter.

by Anonymousreply 110November 11, 2017 12:49 AM

He kept making me kill that mockingbird.

But it wouldn't stay dead!

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by Anonymousreply 111November 11, 2017 12:50 AM

Olivia forced me to give her a pearl necklace!

by Anonymousreply 112November 11, 2017 12:58 AM

Virna Lisi had her hands ALL over my little pussy.

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by Anonymousreply 113November 11, 2017 12:58 AM

Ruth McDevitt inserted her parasol into one of my most private of areas!

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by Anonymousreply 114November 11, 2017 12:59 AM

Polly Holliday kept watch at the door while Linda Lavin grabbed me by the vagina bone as I was trying to exit the restroom.

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by Anonymousreply 115November 11, 2017 1:03 AM

Lucy repeatedly fondled my balls, but I needed the work.

by Anonymousreply 116November 11, 2017 1:09 AM

STEVIE NICKS KICKED MY DAUGHTER IN THE VAGINA BONE!

by Anonymousreply 117November 11, 2017 1:14 AM

Charo touched me on the cuchi cuchi.

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by Anonymousreply 118November 11, 2017 1:24 AM

Margaret Dumont greeted me in her hotel room wearing nothing but a strategically placed corsage. How she had it attached, I don't know.

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by Anonymousreply 119November 11, 2017 1:34 AM

Auntie Mame told me to touch her sidecar!

If it's a sidecar, then why was it in the front?

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by Anonymousreply 120November 11, 2017 1:36 AM

I got on the elevator at the Hilton with Constance McCashin, and she let out a horrible, silent but deadly fart, the turned around and made a disgusted face at me to imply to the others that I was the culprit.

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by Anonymousreply 121November 11, 2017 1:38 AM

I did not!

by Anonymousreply 122November 11, 2017 2:00 AM

How do you think I broke into the business?

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by Anonymousreply 123November 11, 2017 2:00 AM

Nancy Walker kept hiding in my dressing room, waiting to catch in my underwear!

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by Anonymousreply 124November 11, 2017 3:55 AM

The Queen of England exposed her twat to me and sexually harassed me in 1963. I think she might have even tried to rape me.

by Anonymousreply 125November 11, 2017 4:01 AM

Cindy Brady

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by Anonymousreply 126November 11, 2017 4:07 AM

Hope Summers grabbed my ass at the Craft Services Table and said "mama want some cupcakes". I am still humiliated and traumatized.

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by Anonymousreply 127November 11, 2017 4:10 AM

Doro Merande said my hole tasted dandy.

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by Anonymousreply 128November 11, 2017 4:15 AM

Brett Somers [blanked] Charles Nelson Reilly backstage at the "Match Game" while Richard Dawson slyly winked at them nearby.

Fannie Flagg said that Brett Somers had [blanked] Joyce Bulifant soon after they all went to the powder room between shows.

Knock yourself out, kids!

by Anonymousreply 129November 11, 2017 4:16 AM

1. outed as straight (hah!)

2. wrapped toilet paper around

by Anonymousreply 130November 11, 2017 4:19 AM

Donna Douglas never could keep her hands from wandering over my plump, meaty man-ass.

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by Anonymousreply 131November 11, 2017 4:20 AM

Susan Tolsky wrote me a sternly worded letter.

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by Anonymousreply 132November 11, 2017 4:21 AM

I had sex with Laura Hope Crews . It WAS NOT consensual.

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by Anonymousreply 133November 11, 2017 4:26 AM

Alice Ghostley, mostly.

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by Anonymousreply 134November 11, 2017 4:29 AM

I had sex with Jessica Tandy. l just loved riding Miss Daisy .

by Anonymousreply 135November 11, 2017 4:30 AM

Jo Anne Worley made my anus sore...ly

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by Anonymousreply 136November 11, 2017 4:32 AM

Lorna Luft molested me.

by Anonymousreply 137November 11, 2017 4:33 AM

Susan Richardson kept flashing her tits at me when no one else was looking. She couldn't understand that it was always Willie Aames who was my favorite 'friend' on the set.

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by Anonymousreply 138November 11, 2017 4:34 AM

Hyacinth crossed me off her bouquet list.

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by Anonymousreply 139November 11, 2017 4:47 AM

Marie Dressler held me down while Wallace Beery fingered my hole.

by Anonymousreply 140November 11, 2017 4:52 AM

Helen Martin made be rub her feet between takes.

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by Anonymousreply 141November 11, 2017 4:54 AM

Molly Snugden made me play with her Pussy, while John Inman watched.

by Anonymousreply 142November 11, 2017 4:55 AM

The Dishy Vicar's wife pummeled Hyacinth and the show's writers for not even giving her character a fucking name!

by Anonymousreply 143November 11, 2017 4:58 AM

Maria Ouspenskaya attacked me in a Burger King. Fiercely protective of my private areas, I retorted, "No, you may NOT have it your way!"

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by Anonymousreply 144November 11, 2017 4:59 AM

Margaret Hamilton called me, "her little pretty."

by Anonymousreply 145November 11, 2017 5:00 AM

Mr. Whipple squeezed my Charmin.

by Anonymousreply 146November 11, 2017 5:02 AM

In "Thoroughly Modern Millie" Mary Tyler Moore does it with a charming Southern accent. Julie Andrews does it with beads and by tap dancing in an old-fashioned elevator with Mary. But to top them all, Bea Lillie's Mrs. Meers does it with soy sauce.

by Anonymousreply 147November 11, 2017 5:06 AM

Billy Barty sat on my face.

by Anonymousreply 148November 11, 2017 5:11 AM

Jim J. Bullock raped me in a van.

by Anonymousreply 149November 11, 2017 5:15 AM

Viveca Lindfors hit me with a pot!

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by Anonymousreply 150November 11, 2017 5:27 AM

Clara Peller asked me, "where's the beef" and then made me show her. I am so ashamed.

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by Anonymousreply 151November 11, 2017 5:39 AM

Moms Mabley strapped me to a dinette table in her nephew's dirty stinking jockstrap. She told me filthy jokes and if I didn't laugh, she burned me with her cig.

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by Anonymousreply 152November 11, 2017 5:50 AM

Paul Lynde forced into an orgy with him, Charles N. Reilly, Dr.Bombay , Dick Sargent, Jim Nabors, Richard...the guy who played Lumpy's dad. Raymond Burr , Charles Hopper, Liberace, Dom DeLuise , and Merv.

by Anonymousreply 153November 11, 2017 5:51 AM

The Countess de Lave ployed me with sweet Champagne, then collapsed on top of me in my sleeping car.

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by Anonymousreply 154November 11, 2017 5:53 AM

Mrs. Trumbull repeatedly lifted her housecoat revealing she was wearing no underwear.

by Anonymousreply 155November 11, 2017 5:54 AM

Mary Jackson and Helen Kleeb forced me to eat M n' M's out of their vaginas. Mary had plain, Helen had peanut.

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by Anonymousreply 156November 11, 2017 5:58 AM

Rosalind Krauss tied me naked to a pole and traced Jeremy Bentham's Panopticon around me in piss yellow chalk. I had to recite Surveiller et punir in perfect French or I got the lash.

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by Anonymousreply 157November 11, 2017 5:59 AM

Dody Goodman tickled my nostrils with her trimmed pubis.

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by Anonymousreply 158November 11, 2017 6:01 AM

Margaret Mead chained me to a boiling hot radiator in her tower office at the Museum of Natural History and invited the negro janitors to urinate on me and the radiator until I passed out from the piss steam.

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by Anonymousreply 159November 11, 2017 6:02 AM

Peggy Cass, she know what she did...

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by Anonymousreply 160November 11, 2017 6:05 AM

I believed all of you until I read the fiction about Nedra Volz. She was famous for having no sex parts. Her body was as smooth as a Barbie.

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by Anonymousreply 161November 11, 2017 6:06 AM

Minerva Urecal chopped me to bits with her hatchet face.

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by Anonymousreply 162November 11, 2017 7:22 AM

Joan Fontaine made me share a double-headed dildo with her, and then she made me suck the end she had been using.

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by Anonymousreply 163November 11, 2017 9:48 AM

Betty White made me clean Bea's Poop off her floor.

by Anonymousreply 164November 11, 2017 11:42 AM

William Frawley put a lit cigar up my anus.

by Anonymousreply 165November 11, 2017 1:09 PM

Avery Schreiber asked me if I wanted a Danny Thomas plate job. I wasn't sure what he meant, but it sounded disturbing so I said no, and never told anyone.

by Anonymousreply 166November 11, 2017 1:12 PM

Merie Earle eye-raped me at the Pic 'n' Save!

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by Anonymousreply 167November 11, 2017 3:25 PM

Dr. Granny Clampett assaulted me on her fancy eating table after she roofied my rhumatiz medicine during what was supposed to be a routine medical examination.

by Anonymousreply 168November 11, 2017 3:58 PM

She's Mary Wickessss, she's Mary Wicks, she's Mary Wickesssss, she's Mary Wicks, she's Mary Wickessssss, she's Mary Wicks….et cetera ad infinitum.

by Anonymousreply 169November 11, 2017 4:25 PM

Mr.Ed, he....it was painful. Suffice it to say.

by Anonymousreply 170November 11, 2017 4:37 PM

Thelma Ritter forced me to perform analingus on her!

by Anonymousreply 171November 11, 2017 5:12 PM

Ayn Rand told me never to speak of it.

by Anonymousreply 172November 11, 2017 6:04 PM

Bea Arthur tore up my hole with her beer can thick cock.

by Anonymousreply 173November 11, 2017 6:40 PM

Natalie Schaefer forced me to wear a coconut brassiere and jack off onto a pineapple!

by Anonymousreply 174November 11, 2017 6:42 PM

ZaSu Pitts made it clear: submit to the ministrations of her bony fingers or lose my role as Sailor #3 on "Oh, Susanna!"

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by Anonymousreply 175November 11, 2017 6:47 PM

I have remained silent for much too long. Beverly Archer brought me to her Hancock Park Estate in 1988, gave me a drink, and the next thing I know I am waking up lying on a cardigan and only wearing a pearl necklace. Hollywood Reporter please send someone to interview me.

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by Anonymousreply 176November 11, 2017 7:15 PM

Jaye P. Morgan? Jaye PEE Morgan!

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by Anonymousreply 177November 11, 2017 7:22 PM

r177, I always preferred Jane Morgan.

by Anonymousreply 178November 11, 2017 7:24 PM

Jane strangled me with you know what. Guess how long it took.

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by Anonymousreply 179November 11, 2017 7:33 PM

Arnold Ziffel stuck his snout up my crotch!

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by Anonymousreply 180November 11, 2017 8:01 PM

The Andrews Sisters and the McGuire Sisters played tug-of-war with me in the middle.

by Anonymousreply 181November 11, 2017 8:03 PM

I molested Una O'Connor. She never knew what hit her.

by Anonymousreply 182November 11, 2017 8:27 PM

Darlene Cates made me rim her.

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by Anonymousreply 183November 11, 2017 9:03 PM

Noe Coward was very well-mannered.

He paid me to "model" for him "au naturel" in his private suite. And he kept a safe distance on his divan on the other side of the room.

by Anonymousreply 184November 11, 2017 9:09 PM

You don't even want to know what Cesar Romero did to me.

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by Anonymousreply 185November 12, 2017 1:56 AM

Joan Crawford made me clean her....her......common area. With a toothbrush and a can of Bon Ami.

When I wept during the abuse, she told me, "The damned don't cry."

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by Anonymousreply 186November 12, 2017 2:00 AM

Reginald VanGleason the Third and the June Taylor dancers turned me into their love slave.

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by Anonymousreply 187November 12, 2017 2:05 AM

Ann Tyrell forced me to sniff one of Don Porter's used jockstraps!

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by Anonymousreply 188November 12, 2017 2:06 AM

Anna Lee used to threaten to run over my penis with her wheelchair.

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by Anonymousreply 189November 12, 2017 2:07 AM

Linda Hunt

Kicked me in the cunt!

by Anonymousreply 190November 12, 2017 2:11 AM

Ms. Swan touched me with her finger.

She told me

"You look like a man."

#metoo

#itellyoueveryting

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by Anonymousreply 191November 12, 2017 2:34 AM

Mae Questel made me soak up her wet spots with Scott Towels.

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by Anonymousreply 192November 12, 2017 2:37 AM

I was assaulted by Allison Hayes-ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT WOMAN!!!!

by Anonymousreply 193November 12, 2017 2:51 AM

Dee Dee Halls made me her human ashtray

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by Anonymousreply 194November 12, 2017 2:52 AM

Connie Ford snapped my ass with her dishtowel!

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by Anonymousreply 195November 12, 2017 2:54 AM

I can still see her face...

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by Anonymousreply 196November 12, 2017 2:57 AM

Ginger Rogers made me fuck her Thai houseboy on the sequinned side of that mink skirt. I have scars!

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by Anonymousreply 197November 12, 2017 2:59 AM

Elizabeth Taylor used ME as bait!

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by Anonymousreply 198November 12, 2017 3:02 AM

Trump asked me to pee on him but when I said I was pee shy, Melania stepped in to cover for me.

Not only can she pee like a mare at Saratoga but that gal is a good sport and a team player.

by Anonymousreply 199November 12, 2017 3:05 AM

Ann Miller brained me with a can of All-American Soup because I wouldn't cover her shift on Register Fahr.

by Anonymousreply 200November 12, 2017 3:08 AM

[195] Thank the goddess I saw your post!! There's newly discovered video surveillance you might be able to use at trial!

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by Anonymousreply 201November 12, 2017 3:08 AM

I meant that (above) for [R195] : (

by Anonymousreply 202November 12, 2017 3:09 AM

((In a whisper...))

Eileen Heckart did things to me... unspeakable things...

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by Anonymousreply 203November 12, 2017 3:17 AM

Imagine the heartbreak I felt when I discovered my longtime lover Mrs. Santa Claus was in reality Angela Lansbury.

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by Anonymousreply 204November 12, 2017 3:20 AM

Tessie O'Shea forced me to motorboat her!

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by Anonymousreply 205November 12, 2017 3:48 AM

Totie Fields tried to rape me with her STUMP!

by Anonymousreply 206November 12, 2017 3:49 AM

Marjorie Main's tobacco-stained tongue flicked expertly in my no-no hole as I begged for mercy.

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by Anonymousreply 207November 12, 2017 3:50 AM

OP, According to Mary, you assaulted HER!

by Anonymousreply 208November 12, 2017 4:01 AM

I am the real reason Ann Prentiss died in prison

by Anonymousreply 209November 12, 2017 4:10 AM

Erica Kaned me.

by Anonymousreply 210November 12, 2017 4:17 AM

I had a fourway with Madeleine Sherwood, Marge Redmond and Shelly Morrison

by Anonymousreply 211November 12, 2017 4:22 AM

Gladys Cooper forced me to strip naked and then stared at me spitefully. My self-esteem still isn't quite right.

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by Anonymousreply 212November 12, 2017 4:25 AM

Fritzi Burr used me then threw me away like a used Kleenix.

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by Anonymousreply 213November 12, 2017 4:30 AM

Me, Ruth Gordon, and her Oscar statuette ... it wasn't very pretty

by Anonymousreply 214November 12, 2017 4:32 AM

[[R200]] Ah feel sahry fer yew.

by Anonymousreply 215November 12, 2017 4:44 AM

Fred Mertz made me give him a gum job when I couldn't make the rent one month.

by Anonymousreply 216November 12, 2017 4:50 AM

Beulah Bondi bound me in tinsel and made me yell "Clarence!" every time she rang a bell. Nick the bartender helped with the bells.

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by Anonymousreply 217November 12, 2017 4:52 AM

Donald Fucking Asshole Trump has raped the United States. Does that count as assault?

by Anonymousreply 218November 12, 2017 4:58 AM

I was in a three-day with Mr. &Mrs.Wilson.

by Anonymousreply 219November 12, 2017 5:34 AM

three-wayr

by Anonymousreply 220November 12, 2017 5:39 AM

three-way(sorry I can't type)

by Anonymousreply 221November 12, 2017 5:44 AM

The Del Rubio Triplets forced me to lick their boots every time they performed "These Boots Are Made for Lickin'."

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by Anonymousreply 222November 12, 2017 5:53 AM

Colonel Mustard in the conservatory with a candlestick!

by Anonymousreply 223November 12, 2017 6:35 AM

Natalie Schafer forced me to strip naked while she, Dawn Wells, and Tina Louise watched.

Then all three of them peed on me.

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by Anonymousreply 224November 12, 2017 6:36 AM

Hot!

by Anonymousreply 225November 12, 2017 7:45 AM

The skipper raped me, while I. begged for The professor to take his. place.

by Anonymousreply 226November 12, 2017 8:03 AM

Mrs. Danvers was very handsy after she'd had a few snorts.

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by Anonymousreply 227November 12, 2017 8:09 AM

Oprah. I’m not joking. She is a predator.

by Anonymousreply 228November 12, 2017 9:16 AM

Elaine Stretch forced me to masturbate in front of her while she sang I'm Still Here!

by Anonymousreply 229November 12, 2017 2:14 PM

Estelle Winwood made me drink tea out of her douche bag!

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by Anonymousreply 230November 12, 2017 3:12 PM

I was raped by Madame while Wayland Flowers masturbated.

by Anonymousreply 231November 12, 2017 5:27 PM

Sounds hot, R231.

by Anonymousreply 232November 12, 2017 6:25 PM

Nancy Sinatra walked all over me in her boots! And then she posed for Playboy! The horror!

by Anonymousreply 233November 12, 2017 7:54 PM

Lotte Lenya tied me to a chair and forced me at gunpoint to watch her go-go dance to the [italic]From Russia with Love[/ltalic] theme. She gyrated lewdly before me wearing nothing but pasties and a babushka.

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by Anonymousreply 234November 12, 2017 8:07 PM

⁣[/italic]

by Anonymousreply 235November 12, 2017 8:08 PM

Helen Thomas assumed I was a Fox News viewer.

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by Anonymousreply 236November 12, 2017 8:36 PM

Edith Massey called me gauche!

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by Anonymousreply 237November 12, 2017 8:41 PM

Dot Cotton ashed on my face.

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by Anonymousreply 238November 12, 2017 8:47 PM

This one try to pass it off on "demons". NEVER AGAIN!

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by Anonymousreply 239November 12, 2017 9:35 PM

Hermione Baddeley forcibly douched me with Windex and then commanded me, "Hold yer water, ducks."

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by Anonymousreply 240November 12, 2017 11:19 PM

Catherine Nesbitt made made me lick her nipples while we both wore tiaras.

by Anonymousreply 241November 13, 2017 12:28 AM

Burr Tillstrom fisted us for years, and Fran Allison said nothing.

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by Anonymousreply 242November 13, 2017 1:24 AM

Betty Furness forced me to watch her pleasuring herself while she was sitting on top of a Westinghouse dryer!

by Anonymousreply 243November 13, 2017 2:11 AM

Eve Arden forced me to watch her lick Kaye Ballard's pussy.

by Anonymousreply 244November 13, 2017 4:40 AM

Doris Packer forcibly adopted me and changed my first name to FUDGE!

by Anonymousreply 245November 13, 2017 4:16 PM

Virginia Graham seduced me, then penetrated me with the razor-sharp tip of her one-sided bouffant wing!

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by Anonymousreply 246November 13, 2017 4:36 PM

Norma Varden gave me a titty twister, then sniffed dismissively.

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by Anonymousreply 247November 13, 2017 4:42 PM

Una Merkel penetrated me with foodstuffs from the studio commissary, then smirked.

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by Anonymousreply 248November 13, 2017 4:55 PM

Mr. Nigel Wick fingered me. The friction was so intense, that it ignited my mussy fumes.

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by Anonymousreply 249November 13, 2017 4:56 PM

Dorothy Parker trapped me alone in her apartment and forced me to serve her four martinis...

by Anonymousreply 250November 13, 2017 5:07 PM

Maud Lewis stripped me naked, painted me, than sold me for $5.

by Anonymousreply 251November 13, 2017 6:04 PM

Elena Verdugo violated me with a hot churro!

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by Anonymousreply 252November 13, 2017 7:50 PM

Constance Collier destroyed my budding acting career after I rebuffed her lewd advances.

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by Anonymousreply 253November 13, 2017 8:17 PM

Jane Darwell caned me with the handle of her black mahogany umbrella, screeching, "TAKE IT! TAKE IT!"

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by Anonymousreply 254November 13, 2017 8:18 PM

Jane Dulo

Took me from below.

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by Anonymousreply 255November 13, 2017 8:24 PM

Joan Shawlee forced me to suck off Morey Amsterdam while she sat on the Alan Brady Show set and fingered herself!

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by Anonymousreply 256November 14, 2017 12:51 AM

Rose Marie shoved a bow up my ass!

by Anonymousreply 257November 14, 2017 1:10 AM

Liz Torres stuck chili peppers up my nose and ass and made me call her mamacita.

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by Anonymousreply 258November 14, 2017 1:15 AM

The same poster, over and over, has killed the thread.

Oh well. It was fun while it lasted.

by Anonymousreply 259November 14, 2017 1:35 AM

Who killed it, R259?

by Anonymousreply 260November 14, 2017 2:48 AM

The Sound of Music nuns taught me how to dance the Virginia Reel, in the nude.

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by Anonymousreply 261November 14, 2017 5:05 AM

Mrs. Sarah Siddons harnessed me to her pony trap and road me hard.

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by Anonymousreply 262November 14, 2017 2:02 PM

Darlene Shiley and LuEsther T. Mertz threw a PBS tote bag over my head then diddled me repeatedly while insipid pledge break specials played in the background!

by Anonymousreply 263November 14, 2017 3:47 PM

Lurrne Tuttle sucked my dick while Margaret Hamilton rimmed me.

by Anonymousreply 264November 15, 2017 3:59 AM

Ann Landers told me to wake up and smell the coffee!

by Anonymousreply 265November 15, 2017 4:03 AM

Did you know that Hellen Page Camp was into S&M? I didn't but I do now ...

by Anonymousreply 266November 15, 2017 4:32 AM

I'm suing Ann Morgan Guilbert for sexual harassment.

by Anonymousreply 267November 15, 2017 4:34 AM

I do know that Shirley Mitchell is into bondage (ouch!) and discipline (owwww) big time

by Anonymousreply 268November 15, 2017 4:36 AM

Frances Bavier did sex on my bottom. :(

by Anonymousreply 269November 15, 2017 2:09 PM

Mary Pickford gave me a hard- job, while Buddy Rogers pointed a gun at my head. It wasn't that bad- her Parkinson's had really kicked in.

by Anonymousreply 270November 15, 2017 2:28 PM

Charlotte Rae forced me to teabag her

by Anonymousreply 271November 15, 2017 2:33 PM

Sue Ane Langdon made me her sex slave.

by Anonymousreply 272November 15, 2017 2:49 PM

The real Mrs. Patrick Campbell forced me to read the negative reviews of the last "My Fair Lady" revival out loud while she diddled herself in a pool of warm milk.

by Anonymousreply 273November 15, 2017 2:55 PM

Jesus groped and finger fucked me.

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by Anonymousreply 274November 15, 2017 3:02 PM

HM The Queen made me eat scones with clotted cream out of her vajayjay.

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by Anonymousreply 275November 15, 2017 3:05 PM

Polly Bergen fucked me with a strap-on and used Oil of the Turtle as lube!

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by Anonymousreply 276November 15, 2017 3:08 PM

Olivia De Havilland forced me to make love to her three times in a row, then masturbate while she ate a box of chocolate macaroons.

This happened last Thursday.

by Anonymousreply 277November 15, 2017 3:12 PM

[quote]Sue Ane Langdon made me her sex slave.

Hey, you coulda done worse.

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by Anonymousreply 278November 15, 2017 4:11 PM

Mina Kolb violated me with a fishing rod and made me call her "Cap'n Ahab"!

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by Anonymousreply 279November 16, 2017 1:17 AM

They were macarons, R277, not macaroons. You are SUCH a vulgarian.

And that wasn't chocolate. Couldn't you tell when you licked it off my fingers?

by Anonymousreply 280November 16, 2017 1:23 AM

The Pope pooped on me! Smelled like incense.

by Anonymousreply 281November 16, 2017 6:13 AM

Concetta Tomei

Made me gay.

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by Anonymousreply 282November 16, 2017 4:03 PM

Angela Lansbury showed me her bedknobs and gave me surprise anal with a broomstick.

by Anonymousreply 283November 17, 2017 2:09 AM

R23 brought tears to my eyes....Thank You

by Anonymousreply 284January 10, 2018 1:18 AM

Mary Grace Canfield did a deep roto root on my plumbing against my will.

by Anonymousreply 285January 10, 2018 1:23 AM

Re: r249...nice try Cheryl, but 4 fingers and a thumb and wrist does not constitute a "fingering", that's a full on fisting. You loved it.

So, Cheryl, when may I return?

by Anonymousreply 286January 10, 2018 1:24 AM

Really r283? I trust it was a very nice surprise? Did Madame Angela wear her leathers or the French maid's costume?

by Anonymousreply 287January 10, 2018 1:28 AM

Colonel Mustard in the conservatory with a candlestick!

by Anonymousreply 288January 10, 2018 2:04 AM

Rosalind Russell mamed me with Angela Lansbury’s typewriter while Pia Zadora watched with glee.

by Anonymousreply 289January 10, 2018 2:27 AM

Sylvia Sidney threw an egg cream in my face!

by Anonymousreply 290January 10, 2018 2:34 AM

Ellen Albertini Dow stole my bottle of Jungle Juice and a rare copy of [italic]Honcho.[/italic]

by Anonymousreply 291January 10, 2018 2:40 AM

Famous socialite Bunny Bixler shoved three ping pong balls up my ass, then added her fist and began to serve.

It was ghastly, but the best orgasm of my life.

by Anonymousreply 292January 10, 2018 2:43 AM

*Sob* Mrs. Slocombe made me ... pet her pussy ....

The horror ... the horror....

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by Anonymousreply 293February 25, 2018 3:28 AM

And she kept on talking about her pussy...

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by Anonymousreply 294February 25, 2018 3:33 AM

Peggy Rea forced me to remove my caftan and then wore it herself!

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by Anonymousreply 295February 25, 2018 4:32 AM

Valli.

by Anonymousreply 296February 25, 2018 5:14 AM

Minerva Urecal gave me a hot Postum enema and forced me to read her notices from "Exile to Shanghai"!

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by Anonymousreply 297February 25, 2018 5:19 AM

Vera Vague rode me BAREBACK!

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by Anonymousreply 298February 25, 2018 6:24 PM

The Borden Twins forced me to MILK them!

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by Anonymousreply 299February 25, 2018 6:30 PM

ZaSu Pitts bit my tits.

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by Anonymousreply 300March 31, 2018 12:58 PM

Lurene Tuttle made Norman take a wife

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by Anonymousreply 301March 31, 2018 1:18 PM

Virginia Gregg made me eat an egg.

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by Anonymousreply 302March 31, 2018 1:20 PM

bitch was on match game this week on gsn.

by Anonymousreply 303March 31, 2018 1:27 PM

Can you imagine how loose MW's pussy is?

by Anonymousreply 304May 16, 2018 7:10 AM

Do you remember Una Merkel?

Una used to say, "A smirk'll

Serve you well when you're deflowering

Some bad boy when he's a-cowering

Or if spanking is to your taste,

Do it wanking, and in poor taste."

by Anonymousreply 305May 16, 2018 8:27 AM

Mary Wickes

Got her kicks

On Rte 66

(But not from pricks).

by Anonymousreply 306May 16, 2018 9:18 AM

Noele Gordon lobbed haggis at me whilst in the nude!

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by Anonymousreply 307December 24, 2019 11:19 PM

Jared Leto assulted me with this. I LOVED it! And the inflamed forskin cushioned the ballistic impact.

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by Anonymousreply 308December 24, 2019 11:53 PM

I got fisted by Ruta Lee at the Casa Mañana in Fort Worth, TX!

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by Anonymousreply 309February 3, 2020 5:34 PM

Meg Wyllie made me eat Nestley Crunch Bars while she painted pictures of bloody childbirth and screamed obscenities when my friend picked up her intercom system, telling him, "This ain't the fucking Copacabana!" She then told everybody that I was afraid of clowns and couldn't piss anywhere but at home.

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by Anonymousreply 310February 3, 2020 7:02 PM

After years of therapy...

Lureen Tuttle

One day on the set, I leaned over and she "Lureen Tuttled" me...

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by Anonymousreply 311February 4, 2020 1:04 AM

I was...molested.

by Anonymousreply 312February 4, 2020 1:06 AM

Ruth Gordon slipped me a brew of tannis root before she slipped me a ten-inch silver dildo cast from Valentino's cock.

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by Anonymousreply 313November 19, 2020 3:33 AM

Marjorie Main AND Thelma Ritter.

by Anonymousreply 314November 19, 2020 3:38 AM

Margaret Hamilton put a spell on me.

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by Anonymousreply 315November 19, 2020 4:00 AM

Donna Reed made me make her scrambled eggs after a night in Mexico, and then kicked me in the cuntbone.

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by Anonymousreply 316November 19, 2020 4:13 AM

Pert Kelton got me drunk on Irish whiskey and molested me repeatedly. Repeatedly!

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by Anonymousreply 317November 19, 2020 4:15 AM

I'm forming a survivors group. It will be called Counselors United Nationally To end Fear, Anger and Child Exploitation. I invite all of you to become charter members.

by Anonymousreply 318November 23, 2020 3:25 AM

Only on DL would a post titled "MARY WICKES ASSAULTED ME" get 318 replies. GO GIRLS!

by Anonymousreply 319November 23, 2020 3:34 AM

Will Maria von Trapp be your patron saint, r318?

by Anonymousreply 320November 23, 2020 3:37 AM

Mary Wickes was a big old bull dagger who shoved me into a cubicle in the lady's room at the Brown Derby and diddled my clit while holding her other hand over my mouth so I could not scream. A wretched dyke. Who, nevertheless, could do a mean twirl of her index finger.

by Anonymousreply 321November 23, 2020 3:39 AM

Thank you for the best laugh I've had in days, R320!

by Anonymousreply 322November 23, 2020 3:39 AM

Words of wisdom for those who have been assaulted.

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by Anonymousreply 323November 23, 2020 3:42 AM

Mitzi McCall violated me with Charlie Brill's cigar butt AND disrespected my pronouns!

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by Anonymousreply 324November 23, 2020 9:18 PM

Burns and bruises I could handle -But disrespecting my pronouns? That's just beyond the pale!

by Anonymousreply 325November 24, 2020 1:08 AM

May Robson questioned my manhood!

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by Anonymousreply 326November 24, 2020 1:28 AM

Extenuating circumstances, R326...

by Anonymousreply 327November 24, 2020 1:31 AM

Patsy Kelly gave me the Tallulah Bankhead Special.

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by Anonymousreply 328November 24, 2020 1:37 AM

[quote]Mitzi McCall violated me with Charlie Brill's cigar butt AND disrespected my pronouns!

You got off easy. She violated me with Charlie Brill's ACTUAL butt.

by Anonymousreply 329November 24, 2020 1:42 AM

Agnes Moorehead locked me in her basement and read Bible verses to me for hours and hours every night. I wouldn't be here today if I hadn't been rescued by Paul Lynde. But that's another story.

by Anonymousreply 330November 25, 2020 5:47 AM

Jo Ann Castle beat me into submission with her color coordinated rag time pianos.

Color. Light. Line. Design. I learned it all from Jo Ann Castle.

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by Anonymousreply 331November 25, 2020 12:47 PM

Oh, that triggered me, r331. Jo Ann Castle and Myron Floren once duct taped me to a sheet of plywood and violated me with pickles.

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by Anonymousreply 332November 25, 2020 7:17 PM

It's time. I can finally tell you about Bette Davis and the wire coat hangers . Crawford was a rank amateur.

by Anonymousreply 333December 9, 2020 11:20 PM

HOLLYWOOD LEGEND MARSHA HUNT COMES FORWARD WITH SHOCKING PENN STATE ASSAULT ALLEGATION!

"I too was assaulted by the Penn State Football Staff & Players" *said 103 year old Miss Hunt, while choking back tears.* It all happened in 1980, when I was a naive young waif of 63. During halftime I wandered into the locker room, hoping to obtain a few autographed footballs for my grandsons. When I shared my request with Coach Sandusky, he crudely replied "Sure Lady. Now what are you going to do about THESE balls?" Immediately flushed, I tried to run out of that locker room as fast as I could! But before I could escape, I was grasped by two terribly strong hands. And that's all I care to share at the moment. Let's just say that I hadn't been rocked to & fro like that since those frequent closed-door "Producer Auditions" at MGM!"

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by Anonymousreply 334December 9, 2020 11:31 PM

Ena Sharples cut a loud fart in my vicinity

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by Anonymousreply 335December 9, 2020 11:56 PM

Harriett MacGibbon wore the same dress i did out of spite.

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by Anonymousreply 336December 10, 2020 12:13 AM

Mrs. Garrett taught me the REAL facts of life.

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by Anonymousreply 337December 10, 2020 1:43 AM

Minerva Urecal gave me an Ovaltine enema!

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by Anonymousreply 338December 10, 2020 1:52 AM

Well, look at her, R338. She's not likely to give you the clap.

by Anonymousreply 339December 10, 2020 2:05 AM

Charlie Chaplin jumped out of the bushes and made me eat his muffin.

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by Anonymousreply 340December 10, 2020 2:21 AM

Elvia Allman expressed her anal glands on my sofa AND criticized my collection of milk glass!

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by Anonymousreply 341December 10, 2020 11:39 PM

Jackie Joseph farted into a balloon and mailed it to me.

by Anonymousreply 342December 11, 2020 12:22 AM

How unfortunate.

by Anonymousreply 343December 11, 2020 12:25 AM

Jesslyn Fax made me do the hokey pokey and spun me all about. Then she laughed.

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by Anonymousreply 344December 11, 2020 12:46 AM

Kathleen Freeman made me wear her bathing suit.

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by Anonymousreply 345December 11, 2020 12:48 AM

Kathleen Freeman once tied me to a chair and force me to watch her eat out Mary Wickes. Afterward, she licked my face and stuck her tongue in my mouth. When I puked, she laughed and said I'd have to sit there until it was completely dry.

by Anonymousreply 346December 24, 2020 2:43 AM

MARY'S DICK ASSAULTED ME

by Anonymousreply 347March 6, 2021 3:21 AM

The Temptations and The Four Tops!

by Anonymousreply 348March 6, 2021 4:17 AM

Uncle Joe approached me rather slow, reaching for my junction.

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by Anonymousreply 349March 6, 2021 5:32 AM

Florence “The Master” Bates had the best hand in the biz.

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by Anonymousreply 350March 6, 2021 7:11 AM

[quote] That horrible Angela Lansbury wouldn’t keep her hands off of me.

If you think I'm horrible, then you should see what Tessie O'Shea could really do with a ukulele in the Disney dressing room.

by Anonymousreply 351March 6, 2021 7:24 AM

Helen Twelvetrees gave me Dutch elm disease.

by Anonymousreply 352March 6, 2021 12:51 PM

Tiger Woods mauled me!

by Anonymousreply 353March 6, 2021 4:56 PM

Marjorie Mains forced me to cook eggs and make biscuits.

by Anonymousreply 354March 6, 2021 5:09 PM

And Percy Kilbride forced me to eat Marjorie's biscuits!

by Anonymousreply 355March 6, 2021 5:13 PM

Liberace , invaded my mussy with a Candleabra .

by Anonymousreply 356March 6, 2021 5:15 PM

Tiger Woods fell asleep on me.

by Anonymousreply 357March 6, 2021 7:08 PM

Betty Comden tickled my ivories and then my unmentionables!

by Anonymousreply 358March 6, 2021 7:11 PM

Phyllis Newman caused an ugly scene when she wouldn't stop laughing.

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by Anonymousreply 359March 6, 2021 7:34 PM

Nanette Fabray touched me in my no-no place.

by Anonymousreply 360March 6, 2021 7:46 PM

R360 But what about her monkeys?

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by Anonymousreply 361March 6, 2021 7:51 PM

Cornell Borchers pissed in my sink and derided my collection of Fiestaware!

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by Anonymousreply 362March 6, 2021 8:29 PM

Virginia Graham once assaulted me on the street in NYC. It was in the mid 80s and I was walking up the street next to the Helmsley Palace. I noticed a limo pulled up and stopped several feet ahead of me. As I got close the chauffeur opened the rear door and La Graham got out with her back towards me just as I was next to the car. She was wearing a floor length red cape and she swung around, arm outstretched holding the cape and completely engulfed me in it. I started laughing, she started laughing, and the chauffeur started laughing. She was very sweet about it as we untangled and I went on my way.

by Anonymousreply 363March 6, 2021 8:40 PM

Carole Shelley slapped me and called me Shirley!

by Anonymousreply 364March 6, 2021 8:55 PM

Shirley Maclaine knocked me down in a theatre lobby.

by Anonymousreply 365March 6, 2021 9:44 PM

Hattie Jacques sat on me while eating bacon butties and screaming "BOB'S YER UNCLE!"

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by Anonymousreply 366October 14, 2021 12:37 AM

Miss Dunaway threw her salad at my feet.

by Anonymousreply 367October 14, 2021 12:40 AM

Better than throwing it in your face, R367. Forks hurt.

by Anonymousreply 368October 15, 2021 1:17 AM
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