Have you ever reported a bullying or harassing manager/boss and found yourself fired?

In my case, my boss "isolated" me, by giving me no work, not speaking to me. After a year of this, I became depressed, reported it to HR and long, long story short lost my job. Lost my house. Declared bankruptcy. Couldn't find a job in my State and had to move. Almost had a heart attack the day I moved (day before Christmas). This sorry state of moving from low-paying jobs to another continued for years.

While all my colleagues, people my age (60).are long retired, with great pensions and living lives of bountiful energy and mirth, I am scraping by.

My recommendation: Do not ever trust HR. Ever. They are on the side of management. Find another job - but keep looking as you put up the B.S. Stay employed and Play The Game.

Yes. I reported a manager (not mine, but a new “bigshot” the company loved) constantly talking about his dick and oral sex. The underling fraus sitting nearby at first tittered nervously but as he was their new boss, they didn’t complain and soon gave way to fake uproarious laughter. It was annoying and gross.I went to HR and asked to sit somewhere else and was fired the following week.

Before you ask...No, he wasn’t hot, he looked like an Indian version of Alfred on Happy Days.

R2 here. Sadly, I agree with R1: Do NOT trust HR.

I was stupid to tell her about Indian Alfred, but since she was a lez, I figured she’d have SOME sympathy and just move my cubicle.

She was fired less than a year after I was.

Thanks for validating, r2. I take no pleasure in reading your story - hope you are doing well.

Sometimes it is better to be out of a miserable, soul-destroying and toxic work environment. Not always but life is so, so short and to subject yourself to such behavior eats away at your self-respect and sense of dignity.

I didn't finish my story. Took me 10 years to get back on my feet (psychologically mostly). I now work in an exciting business (at home - bonus points!) with a view to being groomed to takeover or run the business when the President retires.

I lucked out. Not everyone does. Just be very cautious.

Final words: Trust no one. At work. Trust no one.

Oh my god R1. I am so sorry you experienced that. That is awful. You put up with for a year? I’m sorry.

R2, fraus ruin everything.

[quote]In my case, my boss "isolated" me, by giving me no work, not speaking to me. After a year of this, I became depressed, reported it to HR and long, long story short lost my job. Lost my house. Declared bankruptcy. Couldn't find a job in my State and had to move. Almost had a heart attack the day I moved (day before Christmas). This sorry state of moving from low-paying jobs to another continued for years.

It doesn't sound as if you were very good with money or you basically lived beyond your means? That's usually how many people become poor, they buy a house/co-op they cannot afford etc.

Most people with good jobs usually have fairly substantial savings and do not losing everything due to the lose of their job. Some of the wealthiest people I know are very cheap, that's how they keep their money, especially the ones from old money. The nouveau riche seem to be the ones who have the potential to become poor.

You remind me of an acquaintance who was making $325,000 year as a creative director, he became ill, lost his job and suddenly became "poor".

His story made little sense. How does one make that sort of money, but have almost no liquid savings or investments? He wasn't a druggie and didn't even drink, so where did his money go, are we to believe that people who make that sort of money never save any of it? Unless he had a secret sex life of high-end rent boys or was living beyond his means or was helping out a relative. I never got the real story. He's back to work, but will never make that sort of money again, especially not by starting over again in his mid-50s. His new boss is a guy in his 30s.

I have no idea how most people making very decent salaries suddenly become poor. I lost a high paying job many years ago, I'm making half of my old salary, yet still basically live as I did before. I've cut out certain things which I don't miss.

It's all about planning for the future and simply not living beyond your means, even if you make a lot of money, there's no reason to live like a drunken sailor.

I went into HR drunk and quit and ragged on my boss, big time. They gave me a week off w/pay and then gave me reduced hours working from home. I lucked out! it carried me three more years 'til retirement(quit drinking too).

We take our jobs too seriously. It's just cash. Don't get attached.

I read the secret to happiness is not giving a fuck R9. I may try this.

I'm sorry to read this thread and agree: Never, ever trust HR. HR exists to protect the company, not the employees. Read Janice Harper's "Mobbed: An Survival Guide to Adult Bullying and Mobbing." Another excellent book is "Corporate Confidential."

OP, get as much in writing as possible. Don't sign away any rights for free. If they want you gone you're gone. But don't make it easy or cheap.

I’m lookimg aggressively now for a new job.

Hardly, r7. I was earning an $80,000 salary and getting back up on my feet after having returned to Canada (upon completion of graduate research degree) after a several years in another country.

You can't quite compare my life to the prototype you described.

I then re-located from an urbane part of Canada to a region where your success is largely attributed to "who you know." Very parochial.

Nothing has changed in this place and it's 2017.

I feel I’ll be fired soon or bullied into quitting. I went to HR because I had no choice. I knew they wouldn’t help me. But I I wanted it to be on record. I’m the only person of color so I know no one will take my side. It’s depressing. All you want to do is your work, but there always something or someone who just makes things miserable. And as said before trust no one.

They tell you there is a no retaliation policy. Bullshit! They just get sneakier in how they retaliate.

Sorry to hear that, r15. My GP once gave some good advice which I will pass along to you:

"Ignore It."

She was an extremely tough Croatian doctor - fierce. Take no prisoners type of woman. And that was her advice to me.

It's a game. You have to set aside your feelings.

Years ago when I was 14 I worked doing food prep and serving in a nursing home. We had a chef who was in his late 20's

I was so young...I did tell on him for his constant sexual talk to me - he made me very uncomfortable. I was just a kid. He never touched me.

He was fired.

I wasn't the only worker who said something about it, a few other girls spoke up too. All of us were young, still in high school.

If We were his age I think we wouldn't have felt as uncomfortable. I would have known how to handle it and would have had more courage to tell him to cut it out (sparing him his job)

But we weren't, and his was dismissed.

R15 if you’re a person of color tell them you have a lawyer, that will scare the shit out of them (if you’re in the States)

R1 it sounds like someone put roots on you (hexed). For what it’s worth, put a glass of holy water at your front door and under your bed, that will absorb all the negativity directed at you. If you don’t have holy water then pray psalm 23 over tap water.

Make sure the glass is clear with no design on it. You can put them anywhere you feel negative energy, but try to put them at every door . Hope things get better for you.

R19 forgot to tell you to buy a rag doll and a package of old-fashioned hatpins to stick into it.

Well, I'm not sure if you're joking, r19 but I can pick up negative energy more than most people. I wish I didn't have this sense but I just do.

So if that was a joke, I'm laughing with you (sort of).

I'm actually doing it right now. We've had 12 people quit in our department this year alone - and there's plenty of documentation, so I feel somewhat vindicated.

EXCEPT, I have two months to find another job now. Nothing is happening to this person from what I can see. It sucks - but I have to get out of there.

Still bitter about it actually. Karma - why are you soooo SLOOOOWWW!!

Why do so many gay men get so tangled up in being miserable at their jobs? You need to compartmentalize your life. Learn not to give your job a second thought when you're not there. Part of your salary is being professional and working with people you'd otherwise hate. That's why it's called work and not summer camp. Just remember you can get a long with them at work but they aren't your friend and they're not your family and they never will be. They will cut your throat in a minute just like you should be willing to cut theirs should the need arise.

I'm glad I'm 6' 4" and 230lbs. Also I was in the Army which my boss loves and never stops telling people. Unless something I'm doing depends on a conversation I don't speak unless spoken to first. I also snarl at people when I walk past them. I have my own office. I get my work done. Have never missed a deadline. I'm sure people think I'm a fucking weird ass piece of shit. Competent but crazy. I don't sign cards, go to parties, go to lunch with anyone. I tell my boss only what he wants to hear then do things the way I was going to do anyway. I know. I've got it made.

r7 is a Jewish bully blaming the victim.

Tick Tock, r7, Tick Tock.

All the literature out there says to keep your mouth closed and move on quietly asap. Maybe if enough people leave, upper management will do the math. I was recently in a similar situation. The boss didn't harass or do anything illegal, but he was a bully with a bad temper...and he didn't do much work.

R21 unfortunately it’s no joke. It’s one thing to get fired but with the string of bad luck that followed you it does seem like someone put a hex on you.

Even a best friend can inadvertently do it, just by being jealous of you. Call it what you want: hex, roots, evil eye, bad juju, whatever- it’s still negative, hateful energy that is being sent your way.

Just try my suggestion and see if it works. And change the water once a week. Years ago I had a friend who had a lot of jealousy towards me and it seemed like everything that could go wrong did go wrong.

I went to a santera and she told me to do this. Not only did I feel more peaceful but my friend started having all this bad luck. I didn’t have animosity towards her, so maybe it came back on her?

Not sure how it works, but I do know my elderly mom was having trouble her neighbors; they were making life hell for her so she would move. She did this (cure/spell/remedy?) and her neighbors ended up moving away.

R1, thanks! Yes, I ended up with a better job, thankfully. And lesson learned.

Fug dudes can brag about their stank junk, and fraus can wax poetic about their self-cleaning vaginas all day - HR won’t hear about it from me.

R19, as long as hurting an animal isn’t involved, feel free to practice your...spells.

R19, I’m going to do that.

Op, let them fire you; do not resign. If you resign kiss unemployment benefits good-bye. If you're terminated, in most US states, you'll get unemployment benefits. As far as securing a new job afterward, most US states allow employers to state only two things regarding your tenure: employment dates and title. That's it. Otherwise, if they disclose anything more than this, they are liable.

Future interviews for employment regarding your departure: you left on your own (e.g., personal responsibilities). Keep it short and sweet. You're trying to land a new job, not get into heaven.

Good luck, Op.

I don't believe this really happens. I have been a manager for over 40 years and now I am being forced out because I refuse to mollycoddle lazy employees. Personnel now requires us to bend over backwards to "accommodate" their nonsense. I have resisted such insanity as "diversity hires" and "ADA compliance" and have now been branded as "inflexible" as the company prepares to "move in another direction."

I am expected to look the other way when an employee:

- Shows up a full five minutes late on a weekly basis

- Requests time off on average once a month to attend to something having to do with their children

- Insists on "bathroom breaks" throughout the day, in addition to the (more than generous) two 15-minute breaks and half-hour lunches I'm required to let them take

- Takes personal phone calls, texts, and surfs the Internet when they should be working

- Dresses inappropriate and unprofessionally, then complains to Personnel that I made them feel uncomfortable by mentioning it

- Complains to Personnel when I had the former headmistress of one of the most revered finishing schools on the Eastern seaboard come in to talk to them about proper workplace attire

I am sick of it. I will gladly retire and leave them to their unproductive nonsense. I hope they go bankrupt.

Yup. I worked for a major corporation and was having major issues with a colleague. I reported them and the situation escalated to corporate headquarters. It was the most ridiculous thing ever. I had to give multiple interviews over the situation, draft up a written statement, other work colleagues had to as well. Looking back on it now, I realized that it was in large part the company attempting to document as much as possible - just in case I were to file a lawsuit against them. In the end we both ended up getting fired. I did end up going to an attorney. They informed me that this is how it normally works with huge corporations. Corporations suck, which is why I stick with startups now. Even if you are fired and you do have a case against your employer, it's still not worth it. Lawyer takes 1/3 and you pay taxes on the rest. No wonder so many people want to start their own businesses.

R1, and all the rest of you, what type of work do you do?

Mention a lawyer and HR usually caves. I was suspended for raising my voice to my manager and after 3 months of waiting for HR to schedule the meeting between myself and management, I called them, mentioned a labor lawyer and had a meeting the next day.

Lol, r34. That attests to the level of complicity in corruption. They fear that level of relatiation. Still, it's a treacherous tactic as they (the employer) have all the $$ and power (and corrupt internal system) to make mincemeat out of you.

I currently work with government -from the outside, r33.

Reported to whom? HR?

HR is NEVER your friend.

No one likes a tattle tale.

Laggers get daggers, snitches get stitches and so on. Managers have a job to do and are not your parents. If you learned how to cope and fight your own battles (something obviously your own parents never taught you) you wouldn't be in this mess.

[quote]It doesn't sound as if you were very good with money or you basically lived beyond your means? That's usually how many people become poor, they buy a house/co-op they cannot afford etc.

[quote]It's all about planning for the future and simply not living beyond your means, even if you make a lot of money, there's no reason to live like a drunken sailor.

Can you imagine being THIS much of an asshole?

Yes, and HR will ALWAYS side with the manager. I had outstanding performance reviews for six years with my employer until I clashed with a new manager and found myself on a performance improvement plan and five months later I was out the door. I sued under the "Whistle Blower" law in this state because my manager was falsifying accounting records, and I received some compensation in an out of court settlement. Of course, he kept his job.

Actually, I reported a bullying manager and he got fired. I was changing departments anyway so for me it was no big deal - he was harrassing the whole team and I was leaving to the department I originally wanted when I joined, so I went to HR and let them know what a nutcase the guy was. Turns out they already had their suspicions - they did not want to hire him but got pressured by the other boss.

In the other department my new boss was also a nutcase, the whole team hated her and she was moved to another, shitty position a year after I arrived.

NEVER go to HR first if there are serious issues like sexual harassment, criminal behavior, etc.

Go to a labor lawyer & get advice & find out if you have a case. If you do, go complain to HR, demand a meeting with all involved.

Bring the lawyer, but dont advise HR in advance. Let the lawyer do the talking for you.

Never trust HR. HR will fuck you harder than a Puerto Rican top.

R31 sounds dreadful and the company is right to force him out. Antiquated thinking, bullying tactics... there is no place for that in the workplace.

If something criminal happens to you, report it to the police. Next, get an attorney and let him/her tell your company that they have a problem.

PS -- do not talk to HR about the issue. Refer them to your attorney.

Our HR director was a nut job the likes we had never seen before. She insisted the staff was trying to run her down in the parking lot, wore clothes that looked like they were purchased when shoulder pads were all the rage, used the oven in the employee kitchen to make dog treats for her sacred pets, turned that oven thing into a side business (using the company oven for 5 hrs each day to manufacture items for her personal business), went on at length in All Staff meetings about how she and her mother hadn't spoken in 20 years, asked fellow employees if she started a GoFundMe account to pay for a private investigator to find her mother would they contribute and said that if employees had time to volunteer outside of office hours (a corporate social responsibility initiative created by the CEO) that meant they were not working hard enough between 9 and 5. She received her just desserts when one of the VP's was fired and that person's assistant cleared out his files. The assistant found a hard copy of every one of the HR director's crazy memos about every employee, including a critique of the CEO's personal hygiene habits. We were never quite sure how it happened but all 51 of the employees found a photocopy of all 200 memos in their personal mailboxes the next day. The HR director was gone by close of business.

When I was 20, I had my first office job. It was a small local company, and I was the only guy working out of this particular office.

Even though I was hired to do computer work, this middle aged woman manager decided I would be her personal aide. She'd order me to wash her coffee mugs and lunch dishes, take out her garbage, vacuum her office, you name it. Whatever menial task she could come up with, she'd tell me to stop doing my actual job and go do that, while she sat at her desk and watched. I put up with it at first, because I was young and thought it I had to be a team player or something, but finally I got fed up when she told me to drive her to get flipping Starbucks. I didn't go to HR, I just firmly told her I wasn't going to do things outside of the job I was hired for anymore. She seemed shocked, but she didn't fire me and actually stopped treating me like the office dog.

I ended up quitting a couple weeks later because I had a better job offer, and I told HR about her in my exit interview. They were apologetic, and told me that she had a long reputation for being inappropriate with young men which is why they usually only hired women there. Since they knew about her, I'm guessing I would've been fired if I'd gone behind her back and tattled.

[quote]Insists on "bathroom breaks" throughout the day, in addition to the (more than generous) two 15-minute breaks and half-hour lunches I'm required to let them take

You’re forced to let them eat lunch, poor you! And you have to let them use the restroom as well? It’s fucking anarchy!

R19 I happen to have some Holy water from Lourdes. Do you put it inside the house at the door or outside?

Thanks

I returned from medical leave to discover my coworker had turned the place upside down. I went to my boss and he smiled at me smugly and told me "She can do whatever she wants."

Then I started getting written up for things, mostly as a result of her not training me properly, bc she didn't want anyone to be better at her job. You know the type.

I went to HR, they straightened the two of them out, but the writing was on the wall. I switched departments.

Find a new job NOW, OP!!

I completely agree that HR is not your ally. At least that's been my experience working for companies in the U.S. I wonder, though, is it different in other countries?

[quote][R7] is a Jewish bully blaming the victim. Tick Tock, [R7], Tick Tock.

You got ALL that from my post? I grew up Catholic, I am no longer religious. Screw you, you racist moron.

OP responded to my post, he stated he made $80,000, which is fairly decent money, yet he saved nothing? I think a lot of people simply live beyond their means. Yet they don't have the balls to admit that. I worked with a dizzy young woman who barely made $30,000 a year yet she was wearing $600 shoes and high end designer clothing, she always talked about "not being able to pay my credit card bills." I told her to hit the sample sales! If that's not living beyond ones means, I don't know what is.

I assume most people posting here are adults, at some point, people should figure out how to manage their money. Growing up fairly poor/lower middle class, I started saving from my first crappy job. My dad was a terrible saver, he had talent, yet never pushed himself beyond his basic abilities. I never wanted to be like him, I became excellent with managing my money. You sound bitter and jealous of people who can live fairly comfortably and by comfortable, I don't mean being a jet setter, I mean a person who isn't few months away from homelessness!

If a person is not making minimum wage, has health insurance, (OP said he was Canadian which means he doesn't even pay for healthcare! Which is large chunk of most Americans bills), doesn't have massive health bills to pay completely out-of-pocket or had some other serious occurrence which caused them to lose all their money, there is no excuse for most adults, especially those making decent money, to lose everything.

Even more bullshit if some of you are ReThugs, aren't you the party of "picking yourself up by your bootstraps" and other such nonsense? You know, "personal responsibility"? Funny how all those loser ReThug hillbillies are waiting for their coal mining jobs to come back, go out and find another job already.

Although I experienced huge financial setbacks as a result of getting laid off at age 60 at the height of the economic catastrophe (ie, recession of 2008), I have not spent one millisecond missing any of the horrid management and HR practices as those recounted in this thread--nor the dysfunction of far too many coworkers.

r52 = Wall of jewsplaining complete with false identity

I'll say though that HR didn't fire him right away - that happened 6 months later while I was already somewhere else, and he bought kitchen appliances to be delivered at his house with money from the company.

Guy had a screw loose

[quote]Wall of jewsplaining complete with false identity

"False identity"? LOL Looking for an argument, troll?

Such nonsensical and blatant racism. Jewish people are the only people who are thrifty? Fuck off, troll. Shouldn't you be off somewhere with one of your rent boys? Lord knows you don't have any real friends.

I quit a good job from an incident of sexual harassment and my career (now non existent) has been downhill since.

Find out if you are in a one-party or a two-party recording state and if it is one party (NYC and DC, maybe some others), then consider making a recording as a form of insurance...then find a good lawyer...

R41 It worked out for you because THEY (meaning HR) didn't like your boss either. But if HR didn't have a problem with him, maybe because they didn't know him well enough (or whatever the reason), it would have played out very differently.

If HR wants the person you are complaining about fired then they will be on your side and use your complaints, concerns and stories to help them get the person fired. Otherwise they don't give a shit.

Anyway, glad it worked out for you.

[quote]You’re forced to let them eat lunch, poor you! And you have to let them use the restroom as well? It’s fucking anarchy!

It rarely takes longer than 15-20 minutes to scarf down a quick lunch in the break room, then get back to work. A couple of short (say, 5 minutes) bathroom breaks a day should suffice for any normal person. But they get a mandated half-hour lunch and two 15-minute breaks, which is fine, but generous. An adult should be able to take care of their personal business in that time.

But even that's not enough. They want time to go sit in the bathroom for 10-20 minutes, make personal phone calls, take their kids to appointments (in my day, women didn't even have jobs and they still had nannies), etc.

And the unprofessional dress and behavior was just appalling. Women who have no idea what a foundation garment is, visible tattoos, no make-up, etc. And the "minority" women who think they have an inalienable right to show up with dreadlocks or giant afro hairdos, obnoxiously long and brightly-painted acrylic nails, and gaudy gold jewelry anyplace they see fit to put it. Horrible diction, poor command of English, and nasty attitudes. And if you say anything to them, it's off to a "racial sensitivity workshop" for you. I've been subjected to more than one of those.

I'm glad I'm old and won't have to endure this for too many more years.

HR people are scum

I have reported bullying twice at 2 different jobs and it did absolutely nothing.

At the first job, I had a female manager who was homophobic. The discrimination was extremely obvious and I probably could have sued but I was 19 and don't want the trouble. I reported her behavior to her boss and her boss' response was "Oh that's just the way she is".

The 2nd bullying experience was a coworker who worked in a completely different department than me, and even though I was the supervisior of my department, my coworker took it upon himself to start making changes to my department when I wasn't there. When I reversed his changes he had the nerve to text me on my day off and cuss me out. I tried handling it myself but this guy was out of control so I went to my manger and my manager blamed me for this guys behavior.

So yeah, lesson learned. You have a problem at work you either learn to deal with it yourself or you find yourself a new job.

R60 I agree. People who weren't in the workplace back then don't know the vast difference between back then and now.

It wasn't like that when I started my career in the mid 70's and for the 20 yrs following. It got crazy when the next generation entered the workforce in the mid 90's. Up until then it was great. The first half of my career I worked in a corporate setting with people my age, give/take 5 yrs either way, as well as some people much older than me, some old enough to be my parent. You just didn't see this shit back then. I enjoyed going to work then and all four companies I worked for in my first 20 yrs I made friends with my coworkers. We helped each other, we didn't backstab. HR wasn't the Gestapo.

No one came to work dressed unprofessionally ever, and those who acted in an unprofessional manner were fired. No one showed up for work in corporate with exposed tattoos, low-cut blouses and cleavage showing, or 2" long spike nails and hair all jacked up. Everyone adhered to the professional appearance/business attire dress code, at least in the corporate world. Bullies were far and few between and didn't get away with their bullying for very long. Management was aware that workplace bullying lowered productivity, now they don't give a shit. The problem back then was that women were held back and discriminated against. But at least the women stuck together and acted like adults and fought for equal rights.

Employees with an entitlement attitude were not accepted by the other employees then (as they were the minority, but are now the majority) and often ostracized. Now they're admired. Sexual harassment and bullying happened back then but it wasn't as common and rampant as it is today. These days the workplace is awful. My last 10 yrs in the corporate workplace I felt like I was in an adult daycare center, something I never once felt the first 20 yrs of my career. I hated it. Glad I am retired.

[quote]Find out if you are in a one-party or a two-party recording state and if it is one party (NYC and DC, maybe some others), then consider making a recording as a form of insurance...then find a good lawyer...

Fuck that, R58. Record anyway. I just quit a job I'd had for 2.5 years and I hated every minute. Any time there was some meeting to discuss my performance I recorded it.

I'm sad reading your post, r63. Or nostalgic might be a more accurate word. I also recall my first years in workforce - early 80s. Everyone pretty well respected everyone. It was relaxed. You just got on with your job. There was a shift most definitely but I think it was those 20 year olds who got promoted along the way (80s and 90s and 2000s) and developed out-sized egos.

These "boomers (of which I am part of) became insufferable. I lay the blame for the dysfunctional workplace we are experiencing directly at their doorstep.

The current crop of 40 year olds are (from my experience) exaggerated versions of the boomers eg. uncooperative, lazy, argumentative, backstabbing etc. Not all, of course, but I can only speak about my experience.

You are indeed lucky to be retired and out of that quagmire. Fortunately, I work at home - and as another poster said - I don't miss - for a millisecond working in today's workplace environment. I sometimes think the emergence of computers (around the mid-80s to late 80s) could also be a factor in the "de-humanization" of the work environment.

Thanks for the trip down memory lane, r63. We were lucky. Really lucky.

^ "Everyone pretty well respected everyone" you hit the nail on the head there.

No doubt some of the Boomers who paid their dues and got promoted turned into assholes. But in my experience most did not. Most continued to be respectful of each other. The last 5 yrs in corporate I knew I couldn't work as long as I had hoped and as a result feared future bankruptcy but I could not tolerate this new workplace; employees dressed inappropriately for work, unprofessional attitudes, a sense of entitlement I had never before witnessed, smearing each other, bullying each other, not doing their work because they were too busy gossiping, starting trouble and goofing off. They even bullied the older workers, such as myself. Awful. I had to get out even though it meant lowering my standard of living.

In my personal experience the shit hit the fan when the younger generations entered the workforce and created unnecessary and endless workplace drama. Certainly not all or most of them, but enough to make the corporate workplace a nightmare. And the bullying was outrageous. I never saw anything quite like it before that. Like I said the workplace turned into one big adult daycare center, something I could never describe it as prior to the mid-late 90's.

I agree, r66. Yes, the new crop have made the workplace like a nest of hornets.

Anecdote: Worked as a Senior Director for a Provincial Overnment in Canada directing or MSN aging a "team" of " mukti-disciplinary experts" who spent 99.9% of their time ragging on **in my meetings with them** on such issues as:

1. I hate my direct report and I refuse to work with him

2. Even I am on your (my) team, I don't have time to do the (required) work - so you (me) do the work on my behalf

3. Gossiping, guffawing, complaining in meetings even though these 35- 40 year olds were so, so, so busy with their work.

4. Scuttling my project goals making the project "dead in the water" from Day 1.

Yeah, it was a real blast. The kicker was senior management sided with these folks out of fear. Fear! Turned a blind eye to the dysfunction. It was worse than a daycare. It was like dealing with nuts in a nut house.

My sister who is a therapist noted that bullying has been around forever and is not a generational thing or tied to any one generation. However she did say the majority of people she counsels with employment and workplace related problems who are being harassed or bullied it is typically by someone between their late twenties to late forties.

She always asks about the bully's age and general background information and it seems to usually be those in that twenty year age span. She has heard horror stories about older employees in higher level positions who are tyrants or control-freak micromanagers and whom they wish would retire already. Although it seems that most who engage in workplace bullying are younger employees who are not anywhere near retirement age. Since most women from the earliest baby-boomers and prior generations were SAHM and not in the workforce what we are seeing now is that which we never saw before--three generations of females in one workplace. But it does seem that people have no respect for each other anymore.

Provincial Government in Canada, meant to say.

I was also the target of extremely malicious bullying. Two of this terror nearly sent me to the 'real' nut house. They formed cliques and refused to work. Even communicate with me. And none of their bosses - not one - stood up to them. Talk about a losing game.

Her typewriter has it's cover on. She must have already gone home.

Two "years" of this terror, meant to say.

I reported a colleague who screamed profanity at me. He lied to HR and said he didn’t do it. I was fired a few months later.

Oh Wow. That's a real trip, r72. I'm r65, and r67 - I also tried to bring it to the attention of HR (Big Mistake) and I was also let go. My 2 year term job (which could have potentially turned permanent) was quickly ended.

I've been in a few work environments in my life and I have to say, the experience described in my posts ranked as the worst. By far. the worst in terms of overt bullying, lack of cooperation and malicious backstabbing.

HR is the last place one goes to. Lesson learned the hard way.

Sorry to hear about what happened to you, r72.

I've been in the corporate world 20 years and it's definitely worse. Although one upside: I used to be a average performer, maybe a touch lazy. Now, I'm one of the highest performers and my work habits haven't changed. They might be worse.

What's changed is the response to bullying. Not the bullying or the amount of it. It used to be you were taught, from a very early age, how to handle bullies. Now instead of teaching people how to deal with bullies the emphasis is on trying to teach people not to bully and teaching victims to turn them in and hope to god someone helps them. That help usually never comes. I don't mean to offend OP but how can you get to your age and still quiver at a bully and hope someone is going to come rescue you?

Dealing directly with bullies in the classic ways will get you written up by HR for "workplace violence."

You don't do it at work. I can get a Puerto Rican on 34th street who'll cut a bitch for $50.00.

^ Not the OP here but most bullies are disordered people. The majority are actually mentally ill disordered and may have NPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, others are Borderline or Anti-Social. Some bullies are sociopaths.

But almost all of them with few exceptions are disordered. They don't belong in the workplace to begin with. There is no right and effective way to deal with them. If you put them in their place they seek revenge. Normal, mature people do not bully others. These people are not normal.

I have worked in employee relations for almost 20 years now and contrary to popular belief they are not normal people with an edge, or who get moody at times, or normal but with a personality flaw or two, or whatever. No, they are mentally ill disordered. I have never once seen a *mature, normal* adult bully anyone. A child or teen, yes. An adult, no. Never.

So how do you deal with them R75, where the bullying stops and they don't become meaner and spiteful, or vindictive and come back at you later in an act of revenge?

"I have worked in employee relations for almost 20 years now"

UGH.

^ Judging me based on the few you had negative experiences with. Very mature. Or did my post strike a nerve with you. You know, about bullies not being normal.

I know this may sound paranoid but I've never wanted any additional attention at work. If I have a problem with management, I try my damnedest to avoid that person likes the plague. But if I have to interact with them, I just suck it up. The last thing I want to do is go to the HR.

My goal has always been to remain anonymous to anyone outside of my department and management team.

Wise, r81.

Just move on. HR is never your friend or advocate in any situation.

LOOKING BACK NOW, in my 50's, pretty much 9 out of 10 of my bosses said or did something towards me or close to me where i could hear or see their action, that was UTTERLY inappropriate that in today's culture i could have easily went to H.R. about them... but as then and now i think they would have sided with them, not me, or us, the employee/employees.

I'm dealing with a sociopathic co-worker right now (also gay) whose job is probably going to be eliminated due to Covid changes. So I think he believes he can scoot over and replace me if he gets enough people on his side. Constant snide remarks; laughs after I leave a room; false accusations; ghosting. Because he's a charmer, everyone likes him and believes him.

They'd probably find him another job, but he's paranoid and wants to make absolutely sure he doesn't get down-sized out. He doesn't care who he destroys in the process.

He'll probably bring the gals in HR some cookies tomorrow.

Don't go to HR before you consult and retain a lawyer. Also you don't ask them to do something you threaten them and let them know you've retained a lawyer. They still might fore you but your severance will definitely be better and you'll have the option to sue. Also record all convos with HR, just don't tell them until after the conversation.

This probably doesn’t apply to OPs situation, but I’ll tell my tale anyway.

After formally requesting my legal pay several times, and after encountering several serious hazards and dangers at work as well as dealing with out-of-hours harassment, I left my job and reported my employers straight to the highest government authority. In just a few months they fined my former bosses 10 grand, stopped them from acting as Directors of the business or any other company, and got my money back for me.

Justice never felt so satisfying. Wish I’d done it a year earlier than I did, instead of stressing and starving and scrabbling around for the peanuts I was getting thrown and trying to make something out of nothing.