Let's be an episode of "Are You Being Served?"

I am Mrs. Slocombs pussy!

I am the elevator voice...

Ground floor: perfumery, stationery and leather goods,

Wigs and haberdashery,

Kitchenware and food,

Going up ...

Do you know the theme by heart, R2?

I'm the bitter canteen manageress. One more crack about the food and I'll rub me minge in it!

I'm the young Mr Lucas, who is older than the old stereotypical homosexual.

I'm Mr Rumbold's ears.

I am the trouser legs or jacket sleeves that will ride up (or down, depending on the customer's requirement) with wear.

I am Mrs. Slocombe's hair.

I'm pretty much everybody's jacked-up teeth.

I'm the dreary lighting.

I'm sexy knickers

[quote]I am Mrs. Slocombs pussy!

[quote]I am Mrs. Slocombe's hair.

I am Mrs. Slocombe, herself, and I do not respond to ANY man's finger!

I am Young Mr. Grace.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

I am Old Mr. Grace.

I am the tote bag offered during the 20 minutes of fund drive that interrupt the enjoyment of viewers like you.

I am my grandmother, putting a bag of Pop Secret in the microwave and settling in to watch, hoping Keeping Up Appearances is on next. Thanks for that memory, OP

I am the cash register.

I am Captain Peacock's boutonnière

I am frrrrrrree!

I'm the horse chompers Miss Brahms wears when she tries to play a posh lady.

I am Mrs. Slocombe's eyelashes.

And I am unanimous about that!

I am Patsy. Patsy Stone who earlier in my career sold perfume at Grace Brothers.

I am the wig that "Jugg Ears" must wear as the leader of a gypsy band for a fake wedding that is identified as "The Liza Minnelli".

I'm Mr. Harmon, going around the world, looking for the sunshine, on the floor during business hours.

I'm the pissed off customer on the mens/ladies wear floor when the entire sales staff leave to have their lunch and breaks together in the staff lunch room.

I am a shoplifter, waiting for my chance to steal from the completely empty shop floor, when all the employees take their lunch together

HA! R27, great minds think alike

How ignomonious! And I am unanimous in that!

I am one of the two lady clerks who ran the counter in the back corner behind the Ladies Ready To Wear counter, who were never spoken to, mentioned, or part of any staff meetings. We were treated like lepers by the rest of them.

I'm the Australian Broadcasting Company version of the show. There being no effeminate men in Australia we had to import John Inman to recreate his role for us. We booked him passage on an East German freighter manned by 350 drunk sweaty Eastern European men. We had a hell of a difficult time getting him away from the bloody boat.

R32: Wasn't it the Nine Network who did that? The ABC wouldn't be caught dead trying to rip off such good television.

I am Mrs Slocombe's ruffles

I am the sultana in Mr. Grainger's ear.

Don't ask.

I am Captain Peacock. CAPTAIN Peacock.

R36: Morning, Corporal.

R35: It was currant, wasn't it?

I'm the colorful assortment of y-fronts.

I'm a strike. I'm ubiquitous in England in the 1970s, and I'm constantly inconveniencing the Grace Brothers staff.

I'm the bolshie Mr Mash, encouraging the unionized staff to have a "Go Slow, bruvvahs!" sorta-strike.

I'm Mr Humphries, answering the phone with a baritone "Menswear!", followed by a pause and a soprano, "Oh, hello, Mother!"

I'm Young Mr Grace. You've all done very well!

Charlotte Rae played the part of Mrs. Slocombe in the American version, which only lasted one episode.

American version only lasted one episode, which is on YouTube!

"Glass of water for Mr Granger!....and let the tap run"

I'm "Chanson D'Amour," an incongruous production number intended to showcase the singing skills of Mike Berry. I'm the culmination of years of increasing use of outlandishly costumed and choreographed musical set pieces.

I'm one of the makeup artists touching up their black face paint the day we filmed the big musical number "Waiting For The Robert E. Lee" with the whole cast dressed as happy darkies, a singin' and a dancin'. I still suffer from shame for that day's work.

I'm the audience, disappointed that I missed "Keeping Up Appearances."

FF to 31:45.

Interesting that Miss Brahms wasn't in blackface while everyone else was. Hmmmmm?

I'm Mr. Humphries' hit record. I knocked the Stones out the Top Ten.

I'm Young Mr Grace's heart monitor, beeping in a desultory way, until his nurse bends over him to adjust something and shows her cleavage, resulting in a racing BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP.

I'm the latest whiz-bang mechanical mannequin. I'm intended to gin up interest in a new product, but I will go wrong in a spectacular, and suggestive, way.

I'm the young closeted stagehand hoping that Mr. Spooner will one day corner me in his dressing room and have his way with me with what's rumored to be hidden in his suit trousers.

I am unanimous in that

I'm the wad of bills Mr Harmon always seems to have, while the floor staff, who technically "outrank" him, are sometimes unable to afford dinner, heat, or carfare to work.

I am [deep voice] "Menswear."

I'm Mr Lucas, racing through the lift doors and down the stairs to the sign-in book at 8:59 AM, as Captain Peacock hovers disapprovingly.

I'm assorted women who are meant to look young, fresh, sexy, and luscious. To American eyes, every one of them looks worn-out, mannish, frumpy, and badly in need of orthodonture. This creates a cognitive dissonance that fortunately just adds to the overall cut-rate, tatty feeling the creators meant Grace Brothers to convey.

I'm the hyphen between "brassiere " and "wearing."

We're the 4 actors who took over the role of head of the men's department after Mr. Grainger retired (due to the death of Arthur Brough). Mr. Tebbs was next, only lasting 1 season. Then Mr. Goldberg who also only lasted 1 season. Next came Mr. Grossman and then Mr. Klein, both of whom only lasted 4 episodes each. By then the producers were apparently sick of looking for replacements and gave the job to Mr. Humphries and reduced the men's department to just him and young Mr. Spooner.

R41 - Has there ever been a successful version of a British television program that the Americans tried to copy, and have always fucked up?

R44 not R41 ^^^^

The Office is the only American version of a British TV program I can think of that was successful.

All in the Family was based on a British sitcom, Till Death Do Us Part.

I'm the depression upon realizing that everyone I loved on this show is dead.

R64 All In The Family, Sanford and Son, Three's Company

I'm the oleaginous phrase, "Oh, that DOES suit madam!" uttered repeatedly in a plummy accent by Mrs Slocombe as she tries to make a sale to an upper-class woman.

R44 If they had done like the Australians and imported John Inman, maybe it would have lasted longer. Alan Sues just wasn't a proper replacement.

R33 actually it was Network Ten.

I'm Mollie Sugden, gamely skipping around in a pinafore with an oversized bow in my little-girl curls. In this episode, Mrs Slocombe has amnesia and thinks she's a young girl again. John and I always get the most outlandish outfits to wear, but it's clear we're having fun with it.

I'm yet another before-hours or after-hours meeting for which the staff will not be paid. Captain Peacock will try to quell the complaints, but will eventually succumb to anger himself when sufficiently provoked by Mr Rumbold.

I am young Mr. Grace's companion nurse. Each time he grabs me by the pussy I demand a raise and I get it.

I am Miss Edna Comlozi, who mutters "Silly old bitch!" at Mrs. Slocombe, on my way out the door.

I’m the fireman, risking my life on a narrow ledge, trying to grab hold of Mrs Slocombe's pussy.

I'm Mr Humphries, and I spit.

The set of the American version is so original from the UK version

I'm the PBS interruption during an episode to let you know that such wonderful programming like "Are You Being Served?" could not be shown without the support of people like you, so stop fucking mooching, send a check and get a friggin PBS mug!

I’m Miss Brahms’ confiscated knockers. Mrs. Slocombe took exception to me.

I'm the Grace Brothers striped shopping bag. There was probably only one of me in existence, based on how carefully I was handled whenever I was seen.

It's surprising that PBS never made a plastic version of me as a pledge premium. The phones would have rung off the hook.

I'm the lift doors, which always open raggedly. I am obviously pulled open by two stagehands.

The show wisely made a virtue of necessity and made the malfunctioning lift a running joke.

R79 I remember my PBS station offering a canvas tote version one year.

I'm the mantlepiece on which a row of trophies sit that Mrs. Slocum's pussy has won.

I'm the men's department tape measure. My frayed edges were from taking all those inside legs.

Many memories in that fitting room...

I'm Mr. Humpries heterosexuality - no one has ever seen me.

I'm bafflingly small amounts of money that the staff complains bitterly of having to spend. I'm the occasional apparent reference to pre-decimalization coins. In fact, I'm the whole monetary situation in early 70s England. I confuse the hell out of viewers in the States.

I'm "Grace and Favour," the sequel. I lack the premise, and the cast chemistry, and the claustrophobic set, and all the magic that made AYBS work. I make people sad when they remember how wonderful some of these actors were in younger days, with departed castmates, and how old everyone looks now.

R86 But, they were 'appy.

I am the Sports department. Always mentioned but never seen.

Mr Humphreys is always nipping down to bounce on my inflatables.

Mike Berry is still alive isnt he?

All In The Family, Sanford and Son, Three's Company were American shows that were based on British shows, not actual American versions of some British show using the same name. "The Office" was a true American version of a British show, in theme and name.

Mike Berry is still alive and still rockin' that hair. And still performing (as of 2016).

I always thought Mr. Spooner was kinda hot in his work suits. They fit his frame quite nicely.

Here's a blooper image when his fly was open. Oops!

[quote]I am the brassiere wearing mannequin.

As if we didn't already know that.

R92 Spooner wants to take Humphreys over that counter in that scene.

R90 what does it matter if they used the same title? Three's Company used many scripts from Man About the House's first season verbatim. And Steptoe and Son became Sanford and Son.

I don't think there's any meaning in the distinction you're drawing here.

I am the inhaler that Captain Peacock must take to avoid sounding like a robot and the robotic laugh he uses when he hears that Mr. Rumboldt got wacked on the head by a coconut while on his vacation.

“And if you can see my pussy, would you drop a sardine on the mat?”

R88 I'm Mr. Walpole from the Sports Dept. showing his club to Mr. Humphries.

I'm the seldom-seen Mrs Peacock and I am NOT amused!

I'm most of the humour based on numerous double entendres

I'm Mr. Walpole's magnificent moose knuckle in those painted on slacks.

I'm John Inman's boyfriend who wanted to direct an AYBS themed gay porn called "Are You Being Serviced", but was unable to persuade John to put up the money. Cheap ol' bitch.

I can’t even catch my breath because I am lmao. OP, your thread photo is so funny. I have never heard of this show. Can you give details? It appears hilarious just from the photo.

I'm Miss Belfridge's bristols, and I got a helluva lot of airtime!

I'm the personnel manager at Grace Brothers main competition Lally & Willits always trying to hire away their staff.

I'm Mr. Mash the former head of packing, always leering and lusting after the women on the floor, as well as the naked mannequins. I was fired when Captain Peacock caught me french kissing a naked female mannequin while feeling it up in the elevator. I was a sleaze and a freak. Hey hey hey!

I also died wealthier than Capt Peacock. Love my overtime!

I could never warm up to the Spooner character. Of course he'd end up being the last one standing.

I'm the spindly little spinster Miss Featherstone pushing everyone around after being transferred to the Ladies Department upon Mrs. Slocombe's forced retirement, until getting fed up and returning to my old department after treating the haughty wife of an MP (played by Mr. Humphries in drag) poorly.

I'm Mrs. Slocombe's pussy, Tittles.

I'm Mr. Humphries during WWII, evacuated along with the Barley Rd. infants. Someone changed all our name tags and until D Day I was known as Gladys Wainwright.

I'm Mr. Humphries mother, responsible for getting Wilberforce his job at Grace Brothers after his interview with young Mr. Grace didn't go well.

I'm Mrs Axelby, Mrs Slocombe's BFF. I'm never seen, but frequently mentioned by Betty.

I’m Mr. Lucas’ explanations for being late. I’m long, convoluted and mystifying and Mr. Humphries can’t stop himself laughing as I meander on to the bizarre conclusion. Even Jug Ears can’t follow me.

I’m Assistant 13, “Unlucky for some...”

I am the flashing Santa Claus.

Mr. Spooner was packing some major heat.

Oh yes he was.

I’m the, “They’ll ride up with wear.” line.

I'm Mr. Rumbold's assistant who files most things under 'T', like The Maintenance file.

I'm the Scottish man with the kilt that demands his inseam be taken.

Inside leg I meant.

I've always wondered about Mr. Humphries' private life outside of work. Was he deeply closeted except for the workplace entendres, just going home to sit in front of BBC2 and wank off? Or did he put his mouth where his money was and go cruising on Hampstead Heath? Was HH even a cruising spot in the 70s?

R123 One thing we know is that he never petted Mrs. Slocum's pussy.

Mr. Humphries made many comments over the years that alluded to certain aspects of his private life. On more than one occasion he said things that inferred that he had been in trouble with the law more than once for various indiscretions.

But his private life mainly consisted of him living and dealing with his mother who held a tight rein on him.

Oh, I don't know, R125. There were plenty of episodes where Mr Humphries arrived at work in very outré outfits, like a sailor suit or leather chaps. He'd explain these away with tales of how he had some kind of encounters with sailors, or bikers, or whatever, and couldn't get home to change. There was only the very thinnest gossamer veil of cover story to, I guess, keep the standards people from censoring the show.

I am 11 years old watching the episode on a Saturday night on PBS in the mid 80s in the Southeastern US. I'm not getting the kind of humor being leveled at Mr. Humphries, who seems ok to me .....

I'm the CDU of a bust with lighted eyes hawking my hat. I really come animated when I see the CDU display bust for Beauty Belle. "I like it! I like it!"

I'm the customer who walks out after discovering that the clothing department is so small, there's no possibility that I would find anything that would interest me. A corner boutique would have more selection.

I'm the furnished house set that Mrs. Slocombe was allowed to stay in when there was a transit strike. It's got a comfy living room, a bedroom and even a kitchen where she can make a cup of tea.

I'm Joanna Lumley, best known in the States as Patsy on AbFab. I'm the one who suggested to my then husband Jeremy Lloyd that he create a sit-com based on his own life's experiences. He had worked in a department store, and the rest is history.

I'm Mr. Ernest Granger's gastric trouble.

I'm also some lady on the phone who says she wants to have Mr. Granger on the carpet.

Why are we discussing this old and unfunny show?

Because we're young and hilarious, R133.

[quote] I'm Joanna Lumley, best known in the States as Patsy on AbFab. I'm the one who suggested to my then husband Jeremy Lloyd that he create a sit-com based on his own life's experiences.

Beats the hell out of a CDU with lighted eyes.

I'm disc 7 in the box set whom my owner automatically pulls out every time randomly. I'm afraid one day he's going to throw me away even though there are 12 others in the set.

I’m Clapham Common, upon which Mrs. Slocumbe was thrown flat on her back due to a landmine.

r128 r135 What the hell is a CDU?

Customer Display Unit? There were lots of freakishly unsettling automata.

R137, the other times she was thrown on her back it was the American servicemen.

R138 the Counter Display Units, which usually malfunctioned in a spectacular manner. The "Pussy Boots" pussy blew it's head of in an explosion, still announcing "Pussy boots! Pussy boots! A viewer already posted the flashing Santa: "Ho Ho Ho Little boy, have I got a surprise for you!"

The Bikey Briefs sales model, a pair of legs riding a bike, showing the durability of the tights on a bike. Until Mr. Lucas turned the gears up on the bike.

I'm the CDU that kicks Captain Peacock in the balls, playing a lovely bit of music. What's that music, Mr. Humphries asked. Oh yes, The Nutcracker.

I'm Knoblikov, the Russian Ballet dancer in tights. I'm very big in Russia, and Mr. Humphries says I'm very big here.

I'm the after-hours nightclub that the staff tried to open in the department.

Mr. Spooner was so cute in his lift-operator costume, and the canteen manageress was a knockout when done up as a bunny!

Love the faulty display items.

R135 It's the gym slip look!

I am the Citizen’s Band radio, through which Mrs. Slocombe regaled truck drivers with tales of her prize winning pussy.

It wins a prize every time I show it, R148!

R145 She has a poisoned finger! Cancel my Toad in the hole!