How do I get rid of hemorrhoids?

Anyone?

Tell them you'd like a committed relationship and start thinking up cat names.

A: You need fibre. A tablesppon of Unflavoured Metamucil in water daily.

B: You need to get rid of the ones you have. If they don't resolve within a week of Metamucil ( which you clearly need given youre not getting enough daily fibre through bad diet), you will need to gently dilate you sphincter to allow natural drainage of the veins. If you don't have a dildo buy one, and use it daily - don't push it back and forth -- you just want dilation for about 20 mins daily until gone. Just lie on the bed and rest.

From what I understand, they never really go away. I think I read they're like dead blood vessels or something like that - which will at times flare up. I had mine removed when it became "thrombosed" (blood clot). I wish I had just done it sooner and gotten it out of the way. It was a relatively quick surgery in the doctors office, and not as painful as I was expecting. It healed up rather quickly too. I was just sore for a few days - not stinging pain. There were no stitches involved. The doctor just shoved a bunch of cotton balls in my behind and sent me on my way, along with a prescription for some pain killer. I would definitely recommend wearing some old clothes, and lining your car seat with a trash bag or something like that, because it does bleed a lot as it's healing.

google is your friend

You IMPEACH them!

OP you need to make sure you do not strain your abdominal muscles at all. That includes pushing too hard when your defecate. But sitting in a hot bath with epsom salts will help soothe the pain. The only way to get rid of them for good (if they're bad enough) is to have a hemorrhoidectomy and I've heard that is a terrible operation.

All of the above but also, consider your lifestyle. Too much sitting is a risk factor for hemorrhoids. If this is an issue find ways to get more walking and other exercises into your lifestyle. Improving your musculature generally will also help. And yes, you should eat more whole grain breads, cereal etc. along with fresh fruits and vegetables. Sweet potatoes have plenty of fiber and white potatoes have none. Having bulkier stool means that you don't have to strain as much. Make it a point to research healthy foods and relevant exercises occasionally if you're a computer surfer. A strong cup or two of coffee in the morning can also help stimulate a bm. Higher caffeine content and higher temperature both increase the laxative effect. Good luck. Remember, you're looking for a lifestyle fix. Think long range. Good luck.

I don't think they ever go away.

Put an ad on Craigslist m4m saying that you need someone to bite it off for you. I guarantee you will find some loon who gets off on the idea and will do it for you.

Chili peppers don't cause 'rroids, you dolt!

Anybody prone to hemmies needs to make sure he squeezes his buttcheeks tightly before he sits down anywhere. That'll keep your anus from pushing out and causing the hemmies to come back.

[quote]How do I get rid of hemorrhoids?

Have you thought of Etsy?

R2 LMBO!

R11 I have been told by doctors that chili peppers can give you hemeroids or make them flare up.

Hmm, if there were only a source to search for information. Oh wait!

I had some just a couple of months ago. Along with the Prep H and medicated wipes, I took Advil. THe ibuprofen helped to take the edge off them.

Lay off spicy food for a while. Also, you should also drink more fluids. Adding a bit of healthy fats (avocados, nuts & seeds) to your diet might also help.

Preparation H is your friend.

"I have been told by doctors that chili peppers can give you hemeroids or make them flare up."

Passing chili peppers can alert you that hemorrhoids are present, but chili peppers don't CAUSE hemorrhoids. The doctor who told you this is fucking quack and YOU are an idiot for believing him or her.

Whatever you do, Op, do not scratch your butt when your Forever Friends make an itchy visit; it just angers them ever more.

Just hire a trick with a thick 13 inch dick to plow through those hemorrhoids. Just bite a pillow and push your hole out as much as you to make sure he pops through all of them. After that, douche with salt water, bleach and alcohol. All better.

Anusol works pretty well. And buy a sitz bath and some epsom salts for quick relief.

R20 I'd believe a doctor or medical professional more than some random cunty internet troll like you.

Kegel exercises

If you have external hemorrhoids, they can be removed by a doctor. Theoretically you could do it yourself with some pain and risk of infection using a procedure a doctor might use, which involves putting a tiny rubber band around the protruding vein at its base. It will be starved and wither, and the body will seal it off at its base. Within a few weeks the dead tissue will shrivel up and fall off. Of course if you opt for the home remedy to save yourself the embarrassment of office treatment, you could get a staph infection in your ass and end up in the ER. You’re welcome.

Vote

stick a Tucks 1/2 way up your asshole

I have single one about half the size of a Le Sueur petite pea, it comes and goes...

They never completely go away unless you have the surgery, but they can shrink to the point of almost being invisible

Bioflavonoids.

Have them send a racist tweet.

Go to Barcelona & find Erna, he'll gnaw them off for you.

Metamucil is a great help for people who suffer from hemorrhoids. It doesn't eliminate them, but it can help you avoid any pain.

Try a slice of raw potato.