Your dad's relationship to homosexuality

Not my dad, but my grandfather. Sharpest dresser and had one special friend. He and my grandmother got divorced right after my mom was born.

My dad's relationship to homosexuality is very sexy to me as a son and as a lover.

OP, did it occur to you that Nate may have died from AIDS in the 80s or 90s? And your Mom didnt want to discuss that?

After I came out, finally at 36, my mother, who was not supportive, informed me that my homosexuality had been inherited from my father's side of the family, because, she said, he "enjoyed being anally stimulated."

Apart from being shocked by her own inappropriate, perhaps vicariously incestuous, intentions in telling me this, my initial reaction was to inform her that she didn't know very much about men, who love to have their prostates stimulated. She never spoke like that with me again.

However, it was only years later that I finally wondered, if what she said was true, where did my father learn about anal stimulation? And from whom? Born in 1905 in Edwardian Canada, he went to M.I.T. In the 1920's, a totally all-male environment.

Family histories are full of unanswered questions.

R3...I hope you don't drive heavy machinery

I had an uncle, who was very close to my father. He was a man's man...an auto mechanic. Very good looking. When he died, going through his stuff, we noticed he had two men's watches, engraved, and two men's wedding rings. One aunt commented: " He was so attractive, he could have been an actor. HE WAS AN ACTOR." I want to ask my parents about this uncle, but they don't "talk about those things."

He was probably hit on as a young soldier and was freaked out by it ever since

Interesting topic on DL. I've never seen this.

Yes, I do believe my dad might have dabbled in the homosex - with TRANNIES! I don't think he ever fucked around with men who were dressed as men, but he fucked around with tons of other real women! He was a stud. Later in life, I actually saw him out two different times with a different tranny! It was shocking, of course, because he could still have hot women. But, I guess it was his thing?

When I came out to my parents, he was the most accepting! My mother, who I thought would be 100% supportive, has not been.

R8 here, I found out MY BROTHER also may have messed around with trannies! My sister had seen him hanging out with them a few times!

My father went to college in the 1950s, what was then an all-male institution. After my mother died, he told me about some homosexual relationships he had in college. He said, that for the most part, the relationships were strictly for sexual release. Most college men couldn't afford hookers and the local girls didn't put out unless the guy came from money

He said for the most part the relationships were for sexual release. What about the portion that wasn't. I don't know. I know that my father was very supportive when I came out, even though he was raised in a very conservative Catholic family.

R3. OP did a great job at subtly conveying that AIDS was the u spoken elephant in that room. Your pissy demeanor blinds any sense of subtlety.

^unspoken

My Dad has a hard time coming to terms with me being gay. But he eventually told me, if he could have married his best friend, 'Larry', he would have. I had a very nice, Roman Catholic Dad, but he was never a bigot, and I was very lucky,.

I don't know who my father is and my parental uncle doesn't talk about it one way or the other. However, he's been cordial with any boyfriends of mine, not spoken badly about this aspect of my life, and I've gotten a rumor/theory or two from others that there's more going on with him about this than meets the eye, but I don't really care. My cousins (like older siblings and somewhat role models in my life) have all been ranging from neutral to very positive about my sexuality but I've seen nothing clear about them having homosexuality themselves.

Between this and my aunt being somewhat accepting, I did alright for the 2000s being raised in a rural region by Boomers. I'm openly gay, though not as outspoken about it as I technically could be, and I fit into mainstream better as I mostly don't 'signal' either effeminacy or much interest in men (however I don't usually censor myself and I don't really repress myself). I don't know of any homosexuality (let alone between two men) in my family, but I'm certain there's stuff. I associated family tree (in terms of social connections) is trimmed enough that I don't anticipate dealing with a male family member being gay, but anything could happen, including finding my father and discovering a whole other family network.

Nope. No dabbling. He was a jock and decked his high school coach after the coach hit on him. He would look over my shoulder at my music collection and pronounce this or that person a faggot before I was old enough completely understand what it meant.

He was right too (in hindsight) which is annoying. I wanted him to be wrong just because he was an asshole.

My father had a "mentor" when he was in his late teens and 20s whom he was friends with throughout that man's life. The man was deeply religious and never married. He was exactly the kind of bigoted asshole you would expect a religious repressed gay man to be. My father was also very aggressive towards any non-conformity I displayed as a kid in the same way. When I was in my early 20s I loaned him a computer and received it back with a recycle bin full of gay, asian, and shemale porn along with some emails he wrote to men and women looking for sex (he was married at that time). So I suppose my father is bisexual. I don't speak to him any more so I don't care either way.

Whilst my dad never said anything to me about dabbling, I know of several men who have all told me that my dad was a bit of a slut with them. My dad was in the Royal Marines for three years and then got discharged (fnarr, fnarr!) Whilst he wasn't kicked out, one of the guys he served with admitted to me when I was twenty three that he and my dad had been caught fucking. Both of them were let go. Later, my dad was working for a company where he became very close to a South African businessman (this was in the late eighties) called Rolf and Rolf and my dad, again, were in a relationship for about nine months. That ended when my dad quit the job. Then he was fucking around with some guy studying at a local university for around three years before my mother - who, by the way, was oblivious to my Dad's behaviour - kicked him out. Then he moved onto a transvestite called Jackie, then onto a Spaniard called Miguel, and right now is apparently getting his hole ploughed by some random slut who "modelled" for Blake Mason.

What's sad is that the guy he was having an affair with in the Royal Marines, Robert, seemed to genuinely love my dad. I can't help but wonder if my dad had had the guts to leave my mother (and spare her twenty years or so of misery) and move in with Robert if life could have been better.

R5 r11 Its called subtle sarcasm. Obviously, you were both bending over, so it flew over your heads.

We don't believe you, r3.

^^ I'll try to put the pieces of my life back together & carry on somehow.

There's got to be a support group for people like you,R20.

MY FATHER WAS BORN IN 1899. HE WAS OLDER THAN MOST FATHERS, AND HAD A LIFE OF HIS OWN BEFORE HE MET MY AWFUL MOTHER (WHO LIVES WITH ME TODAY AT THE AGE OF 92)(.. THERE WAS NO CRAIGLIST WHEN HE WAS YOUNG BUT I BELIEVE HE MAY HAVE BEEN A LITTLE "LIGHT IN HIS LOAFERS".;;HE ONCE MENTIONED WHEN DRUNK THAT RIGHT BEFORE THE BATTLE OF BELLOW WOOD (SP??) HE HAD A "ROMP" WITH A FELLOW MARINE--I ASKED HIM WHAT HE MEANT BUT HE JUST STOPPED TALKING. BLESS,BILL

P.S.--THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE FIRST WORLD WAR,,AND HE (MY FATHER) PASSED AWAY IN 1982. HE WAS ALSO A DAPPER DRESSER.BLESS,BILL

My father's reaction to my "coming out" at age 18 (1979!) was so over the top extreme that it made me wonder what he had to hide or was trying to forget.

There were family rumours that there was a "secret" regarding him and his brother. As all parties are dead now I will never get to the bottom of it.

^^ I believe "bottom" is the operative word in your last sentence.

Our parents, especially our father, were rabidly homophobic!

Nope, he clearly liked women. A lot. Had no red flags to speak of; no close male friends or absent weekends. I watched him flirt with women when my mom wasn't around and I found out later he cheated. He was upset when I came out on religious grounds but came to accept it quickly. Today he's very comfortable with my partner and gay friends but not unusually so, which makes me think he's pretty secure in himself.

"no close male friends"

It's sad that having a close friend is seen as a red flag for men.

Not my dad - but his aunt (my great aunt) was, I'm pretty certain, a bull dyke. Even as a little kid, I got the sense that she was "different." Don't get me wrong, she was the sweetest thing and didn't have any kids of her own - so she treated her grand nephews (me and my brothers) like grandkids. She worked in nursing homes, had super short grey hair, smoked like a chimney.

I don't think my dad was ever into guys, but his best friend was gay way before that kind of thing was fashionable. They had been in the Air Force together and lived in the same town. Both were above-average looking and were in construction, although with different companies.

My dad was a friendly, affable guy who got along with everyone. My mom was well aware that women found him attractive, but she was smart enough to not make an issue about it. She often kidded him about it, though. Her attitude toward my dad's friend, Gary, was always good, but I could tell even at a very early age that something about Gary was…different…and she knew. Oh yeah, she knew.

After my dad died, my mom told me the whole story. Gary had been carrying a torch for my dad since they met in the service. My dad never had a problem with gays, and because he and Gary were from the same town, they became friends. While Gary apparently never made any actual moves on my dad, he genuinely did love him. My dad was aware of this and did nothing to encourage it; in fact, he made it crystal clear that nothing was ever going to happen between them, and it never did.

The only time my dad was ever unfaithful to my mom was once when he had a one-night stand with a friend of my mom's. He would have gotten away with it, but the guilt ate him up and he confessed. Of course, my mom forgave him, because he really was a good man.

Gary died a couple of years before my dad did. At the height of the AIDS epidemic, he died in a construction accident. He was a good man, too.

Working construction a few summers ago , one of my dad's friend's father (a drunk old man) was working there also. Told me my dad and his son ( who were friends since childhood) and other friends would go to a elder gays house down the block as teenagers and get paid and he winked. Yikes couldnt believe he told me that.

Interesting thread..my dad is an irresponsible, drug dealing womanizer , yet when i first told him i was "bi" at 14 he didn't think much of it, thought it would be a phase that adolescents go through and pass.he took it a lot better than my mom, who took it more as a mental/emotional/spiritual problem. I have no doubt that he has dabbled in the homosex more out of physical necessity than as a conscious choice, since he has been in and out of prison on and off, the last time serving a ten year sentence.

Some of you guys have strange stories

My suspicion is that homosexuality is inherited from fathers.

Embarrassed and closeted Freudian shrinks tried to claim it was caused by "smothering mothers" as a deflection.

Jesus Christ you people have fucked up lives. No wonder this place is such a mess. Smh

My Dad, admitted that he could have turned his friendship with his best mate, sexual, but didn't want to ruin the friendship. I believe it was a very strong bond that they had. He never said anything about being attracted to other guys. I genuinely believe he loved his best mate and wasn't interested in other guys. He ended up naming one of his son's after his best mate.

Homosexuality is not 'inherited' from anyone, it is simply one of nature's ways of controlling populatia.

Some numbers fuck lots of fish, some fuck only a few, and some fuck none.

Duh.

I don't get why you think any of this is fucked up R35. It's just people.

When I was a kid, probably around nine or ten I got mad at my best friend and called him a queer. My father heard me say it and chewed me out. My father had married my mother late in life when he was in his late thirties. This was back in 1960 when guys got married a whole lot sooner. I also had found my dad's old high school yearbook. One of his best friends, with whom he had a picture taken, had written in it "Come up in the hay mound and suck my hog." I remember finding that to be odd even as a kid.

Fast forward to when I was in my twenties. My father had passed away and I was living on my own. I got a call from a man who was a friend of my family. It was strange because I had never received such a call from him nor didn't after. He started asking me general questions and then the conversation turned to sex. He told me my father use to "wrestle" with the guys and it became sexual. He also had a sexual relationship with my father and then asked me to come have sex with him. It pissed me off. Why I don't know, but it did. My father and I weren't close but having this guy call me out of the blue to proposition me set me off. I showed up at the guy's place of work (he was a security guard and it was the weekend). I walked in and told him to get naked. He wouldn't even look at me. I hollered at him and left. I fully believe the guy was telling the truth about my dad.

My dad never said a word about gay people, but he cried when I came out to him and said it wasn't what he would ever have wished for me. He told my brother he felt guilty about how I turned out. He was a very good father, though emotionally unavailable. It stuck me as rather odd at the time, but I've often wondered since then if he was maybe bisexual in his youth. He is in his 80's now, and he and my mom still have sex, so I don't know.

Forgot to add that I discovered his porno stash when I was younger, and it amounted to about a dozen Playboys and one Playgirl, and one gay mag called "Numbers"

My father is the straightest straight who ever straighted.

He and my mom were a bit uncultured, and not perfect as parents, but both of them said "we love you and you're still our kid" when I came out, so they were both wonderful in my book.

My mom said at one point my dad had been hit on by a dude and it made him uncomfortable, but I think the guy was being very persistent. My dad was a handsome guy when he was younger, a sailor, and he got hit on by tons of women, so it's kinda not a surprise.

My dad was a power bottom so thank God Mom was a total top.

My dad grew up in post-war Manhattan. Though he was an orphan, he was scrappy and a brilliant artist. He eventually got adopted by a wealthy family who sent him to art school. After, he was an abstract painter, set designer, photographer, graphic designer and ultimately art director throughout the 60s, 70s and 80s.

Which is to say half his friends were gay. Ha. He was an original Mad Man (worked at Mccann-Erickson in the 60s) and palled around with a group of nutty, west village bohemians. He was so talented that by the time he was 18 he was designing sets on Broadway. Charles Laughton was an admirer - he was infatuated with my dad - and hired him for several productions he directed. Dad had stories about Laughton chasing him around a table at the Plymouth Theater.

He was so ahead of his time, he actually dragged ME out of the closet. "Fer chrissake, most of my friends are fruits! I don't care one fucking bit -- so don't worry. You can talk to me." (he had an adorable, un-PC way about him).

Though I don't know for a fact, I would be shocked if he ever gay-dabbled himself. He LOVED women. After my parents divorced, there were so many girlfriends. Quite a few who showed up to his funeral.

He's my definition of a real man. So secure in who he was that he never judged anyone else. In fact, he reveled in other people's uniqueness. So in that way, I was very very lucky.

Sigh. God I miss him.

Great stories, some are sad because of the what if it turned out differently and your dad was able to live a different life.

My dad was the straitest guy I ever knew. And not in a good way. In a deadly boring way. He's one of those guys who some women might find attractive, but never men. I doubt any guy would have ever been interested in him, and if they were I'm sure he'd have freaked out and beat them up.

There was no Big Daddy in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof stuff going on with him.

My grandfather on my mother's side, however...

Not me, but a friend of mine. (True story.)

His family was born and lived in NYC (Brooklyn and Manhattan) and his grandfather was in a jazz band. When my friend came out, his grandfather was completely nonplussed by the whole thing and told him he would keep watch when one of his band mates would suck off a guy backstage.

By all reports, his grandfather was completely straight but would help a band mate out. Simple as that.

My Dad was quarterback for local HS team. late 50's. The team would go to one of the guys parents weekend house on a nearby lake and have their "boy time." He confessed this to me after figuring out I was gay. But. his time was fine just boys being boys His best friend when I was growing up was a traveling salesman who was also gay. He said he thought so, but wasn't confirmed until friends lesbian wife called him after funeral. He gave me Hell for several years until he finally calmed down.

Nonplussed means confused, r47.

It does not mean nonchalant.

[quote]My dad was the straitest guy

was his name george?

Sometimes people like r44 get the parental brass ring. He sounds like a wonderful personal. I'm glad you had such a father.

R44. Wow. Your dad sounds fantastic, like the kind of guy I would want to have as a friend. I'm also a former adman turned artist.

My dad is dead, but I always wondered. I saw him once when he was drunk -- we were on vacation in Hong Kong, with a social group he belonged to -- and i saw him rubbing the chest of one of the good looking members. He did it mockingly and in in the open, almost as a joke, but there was something about it that really threw me, and it was the first time I ever thought that he could have experimented.

After he died, my sister told me that he cheated on my mom all the time. He wasn't that great looking -- or at least I didn't think so -- but he could be incredibly charming, and women, apparently, threw themselves at him all the time. He didn't always say no, it would seem. My sister told me that she would rifle through the front seat of his car, looking for parking tickets from places he shouldn't have been in, so she could pay the ticket before my mom noticed them. The things you learn about your parents after they die!

My father was friends with a brilliant, rich, sarcastic and closeted gay man who killed himself. I think my father felt guilty about not reaching out to Tom and offering more support. But then again, Dad had a habit of withholding affection, missing the boat on people and events, and then wallowing in self-regarding sorrow over it.

R53 Your dad is Brick!

My dad has always craved pussy. He's very gay-friendly, but if it ain't got a twat, it won't make him hot.

My dad had a best friend from college that never lived in the same town we did. They would send each other postcards and visit once in awhile. Dad used to tell us stories about things the two of them used to do. Anyway, a few years ago, my parents visited the man and after that, we never heard about him again. My mom said it was because Dad's friend told him he was gay. That made me so sad. Dad was always accepting of me, though. I think he believed I couldn't help it, that I didn't choose it, but he was probably a bit disappointed.

My parents both went to liberal colleges in the late 60s and early 70s, colleges where sexual experimentation as part of campus life

Dad said that at his school same-sex relationships weren't seen as romantic or sexual, but as a political act.

And yes, both my parents were politically active

My father and mother have Ph.Ds in psychology. Both were familiar with Evelyn Hooker's paper on male homosexuals from 1950. While neither parent was thrilled, they were supportive

My partners' father had a gay friend who he had grown up with. They would hang out together occasionally, His dad was very handsome and there was rumor that they were more than just close friends.

None. He asked me why I "couldn't be attracted to a nice pair of tits."

Not my dad but by maternal uncle. He lived in an apartment in San Francisco with a lavender bathroom with gold fixtures in the 60s (my grandma had taken a picture of it) and had a male friend who committed suicide supposedly over his love for my uncle (my brother told me my mother had told him this story - I've never had the guts to ask her myself). One of his best friends was a lifelong bachelor professor who liked to have his hot male students come over and do shirtless yard work in the summer. Uncle did marry a nice Catholic girl when he was 35 and had 3 kids, so I think he put his gay days behind him. On my dad's side one of my cousins was arrested with an underage male street prostitute. He worked for the mayor's office so it made the paper and ruined his political career which was just starting.

"Mummy tell you gay story about Daddy". Margaret Cho at peak brilliance.

R62, don't you know that Margaret Cho clips are thread killers? Every time.

[R58], I know where you are coming from as both of my parents are psychiatrists.

No ... my siblings and I weren't psychoanalyzed at the dinner table,

When a relative asked my parents why didn't they have me fixed, Dad replied "My son isn't a broken clock in need of repair."

Our parents are ballistically homophobic!

*bump* for more daddy stories.

Not my dad, but my maternal grandfather. I picked up on subtle clues: my grandma was complaining about the frequency of sex, he told me Navy stories, my uncle said that he sometimes looked at his friends when they came over to swim...I was his favorite as was my mother. He thought nothing of having gay kids or grandkids.

Like it has been stated above, I hope he wasn't lonely.

Bump for gay dads.

What a sordid little thread.

There was that one special summer ...

Will Dad throw me out of the White House if I tell him I'm gay?

If so: I 'm off to the Oval Office ...

:-)

Yeah, my boring dad is painfully straight and had affairs on my mother who was always a pain in the ass to all of us (once I was an adult - I understood why she was so unhappy..). My 20 year realtionship boyfriend's family is far more interesting. His dad divorced his mom when he was six and then married a C U Next Tuesday from Hell. His dad used to look like a sexy (if short) Marlborough Man and was incredibly fuckable in his day. This Hot dad's brother was a handsome homo who was cut out of the will from grandad's chunk of change for being a homo and hot father in law got everything. Handsome homo brother died an early death anyway from liver cancer. When I met my father-in-law, I sensed a gay vibe. He is eccentric for sure - no interest in sports or anything at all stereotypically masculine. His bitchy wife complains of never having sex (she has children from a previous marriage). He is oddly sensual with my husband (his son) and they kiss on the mouth. I have no way of knowing, but despite being very right wing, I think that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and I would not be surprised at all if he were a DL gay bottom like his son. Who knows. He is somewhat accepting of us as is his second wife - so I have no complaints whatsoever. This proposed query does make me think however and I appreciate the post.

Someone on this thread used the word "whilst." More than once.

Can people post to DL from past centuries?

My Dad was Best man at his uncle’s wedding. This uncle was know to go to “fairy balls” in NYC in the early 20th century. No kids from that marriage. So, it was not unfamiliar to him. We never discussed my being Gay, though. I didn’t know about the above during Dad’s lifetime.

All I will say is that the Navy must have been a gay bang fest back in the day...

It doth appearest so, R73

My grand uncle was in a jazz band and open to all people and knew a lot of "fairies" He was actually very open for the day, despite using that word as that was part of the world he lived in. He once kept watch when a band member was sucking off a dude. He just considered it doing him a favor.

R44

Your dad sounds like a hoot. You were so lucky. I am thankful every day for have been blessed with such an amazing father.

No, R73, just people with a command of the English language. Try learning it.

R73, people can post to DL from English-speaking countries other than 'Murica. Imagine that!

Whilst I was whinging on Twatter, I was hit by an errant pickle.

Whilst is quite common in other varieties of English.

In my family the gay thing seems to come from my Dad's side. Myself and two cousins so far are gay.

My very Italian-American dad had a rather funny tale of getting hit on in the service by a buddy who he thought was "just friendly," until one night, after some of heavy drinking, the friend went in on him and kissed him. This was in the Air Force in the '60s.

My Irish catholic dad was casually dismissive of "fruits" through the mid 70s, I registered it when I was a boy. BUT by the 80s he was somehow politically correct about just about everything "liberal". I believe it was an intellectual and ethical evolution for him, purposeful, and he was very rational and I'm sure he figured out what was right and wrong considering civil rights for everyone. I came out after college and he was cool and he was very nice to my subsequent boyfriends.

That's "gherkin" to you, R81.

So who's the graphic artist for Lincoln Center?

He or she is the absolute worst I have ever seen for show posters.

The one for My Fair Lady belongs on a subway car floor soaked in piss.

[quote]R30 Gary had been carrying a torch for my dad since they met in the service. My dad never had a problem with gays, and because he and Gary were from the same town, they became friends.

My father, who was born in1930, was in a relationship with a guy for a year when he attended an all-male prep school… apparently, that was somewhat common back then within a certain milieu...

R62 OMG...I just posted that!!

[quote]R89 My father, who was born in1930, was in a relationship with a guy for a year when he attended an all-male prep school… apparently, that was somewhat common back then within a certain milieu...

R89 when you are rich and have social standing sexual eccentricities and indiscretions are indulged.

Especially when no matter how you feel you ultimately get married.

R84, how did your dad react?

R91 sounds like British boarding school. I hope to get more stories from American prep schools of that era, it's something that doesn't get talked about but definitely happened. The guy on the right in that picture is so handsome, it makes me wish I had an experience like that in my youth.

r17 It must be strange and surreal to think that if your father in the era he came from had been one of the lucky people able to accept and not suppress their sexuality and come to terms with it relatively early on in life then you would not exist you would never have been born. Mindblowing thought to ponder in some ways.

My father grew up in a rough neighborhood without a father, with summers on rough hill-country farms. When we were growing up he grieved strongly for a dear male friend who had died unexpectedly. He would visit his grave often, alone, before and after work.

He shipped me off to work on a farm at 14 and I was "gone after" by the hulky, humpy farm boy there. I was too young and resisted (Another year and the results would've been different.), but the guy was pretty relentless and frustrated. Similar things happened with other country boys. Years later I told my father that he sent me off to be a man and all I got out of it was being attacked and nearly raped by the guys he wanted me to emulate. And all he did was smile understandingly.

On my mother's side things were different. My great grandfather had a brother who was a "female impersonator" in interwar Berlin, and we grew up his photos in drag. Various people were gay in the family, my mother had spent her time in gay bars growing up, and nothing was ever made of it when I came out, since I never really was "in."

Mine definitely did. Whenever we went to a mall he was excuse himself to go to the men’s room and resurface 45 mins later. I know he was cruising. My mom was clueless although once in the middle of an argument she brought up a rumor that he was protected by his Sargent in the army.