Please, share the excruciating minutiae of your lives.
I'll start: I'm pretty sure my toilet seat is haunted. The things that hold the lid to the seat keep popping up on their own.
Please, share the excruciating minutiae of your lives.
I'll start: I'm pretty sure my toilet seat is haunted. The things that hold the lid to the seat keep popping up on their own.
|by Anonymous||reply 364||12 hours ago|
I took a nap and dreamed my mother had 42 cats. I yelled at her about it and vomited up my heart and one of her cats ate it. Earlier today I mowed my yard before it started raining.
|by Anonymous||reply 1||09/16/2017|
Today I had to buy my boss his lunch, stupid guy invited me to lunch and his credit card got denied...
|by Anonymous||reply 2||09/16/2017|
I'm eating yogurt with a fork because I'm too lazy to do the dishes so I'd have a clean spoon.
|by Anonymous||reply 3||09/18/2017|
I worry I'm so in credit-card debt I'll lose my house.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||09/18/2017|
I am doing laundry.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||09/18/2017|
I have a stomach ache
|by Anonymous||reply 6||09/18/2017|
Watching football and nursing a burgeoning sinus infection
|by Anonymous||reply 7||09/18/2017|
I rearranged the furniture and art in my "loft" garage and now everything looks great, but I don't have a place to eat meals. My dining set is now a hall table and I had to put my bowflex in the kitchen area so I'd use it.
My bathroom setup was awesome - if you were willing to poop sitting sideways.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||09/18/2017|
r8, is your toilet a fire hydrant?
|by Anonymous||reply 9||09/18/2017|
Unfortunately, no, R9.
|by Anonymous||reply 10||09/18/2017|
I clipped my toenails last night.
|by Anonymous||reply 11||09/18/2017|
I miss my DL Strapping Guy beau hunk. Where he at?
Too much fastfood has my bony ass ballooning like an orange fuhrer fucktard.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||09/18/2017|
I just felt something crawling on my shoulder and brushed it off freaked out before I realized it was a Lady Bug. Did I ruin the good luck?
|by Anonymous||reply 13||09/22/2017|
I met at least 3 different "total top" on a gay dating site" I exchanged pics with these 3 guys . and all 3 of them were very eager to hook up with me tonight.But as soon as I told them that I am a versatile bottom , they disappeared within a sec without a trace . Why the hell a total top" would pissed off by a versatile bottom ?
Now I have changed my profile and have explicitly mentioned "versatile bottom" in sexual position so that some fake total tops will not waste my time .
|by Anonymous||reply 14||09/22/2017|
I'm eating a 7/8 ounce size bag of Cheetos for lunch.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||09/22/2017|
I find that whelming OP.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||09/22/2017|
There's a little plastic sprocket on my office printer that keeps breaking because this is a government operation and we always order cheap shit. So I'm debating cutting out our tedious Supply Department process and making a quick spec drawing and have the machine shop make me a bunch of new ones out of aluminum or better plastic, or buying one myself from Office Depot.
If the frau in Logistics makes me write a work order for the sprockets and I end up having to buy a printer out of my own pocket, so help me I'm taking it with me when I retire next year.
|by Anonymous||reply 17||09/22/2017|
Couldn't you just shoot up the place r17?
|by Anonymous||reply 18||09/22/2017|
I just took a 3ft dump and the log was very gray. Am I dying?
|by Anonymous||reply 19||09/22/2017|
I continued to ignore the Jeremy Renner threads; I was mildly interested, but could not have kept up with how quickly they progressed. Today I decided to read one. Holy shit, could not understand what was happening. Talk of older threads being shut down because of his personal info being shared, talk o father him being gay, talk of him being involved with a (female?) fan/stalker, etc. The posters were using words and language that seemed to belong to them and them alone.
If there's anyone out there in the know who can explain what's going on with Renner, please do. (Or perhaps my interpretation of it above is somewhat accurate...)
|by Anonymous||reply 20||09/23/2017|
I've just been woken up by my neighbour mowing the lawn. I'll get out of bed in a minute, and have leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm a bit ashamed about that. Later, I'm going to go to the farmer's market to buy some leeks.
|by Anonymous||reply 21||09/23/2017|
This is a military base, R17. Guns are forbidden. Well, except at the base Post Office.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||09/23/2017|
I am grading the third set of four sets of papers. Meanwhile, I just picked up three sets of new papers yesterday.
There is a math question somewhere in there.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||09/23/2017|
I bought a couple of resin Adirondack chairs on sale at a hardware store. They're the most comfortable chairs I've ever owned.
|by Anonymous||reply 24||09/23/2017|
r20, re-read the directions.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||09/23/2017|
Both my wisdom teeth on my lower jaw are starting to emerge from below the gumline. I'm 38 years old. My jaw hurts, the inside of my cheeks are sore like I just blew up a balloon and my ears feel funny. It feels like my lower jaw is being subtly stretched and it has a dull ache. I looked in the mirror and opened my mouth and looked with a flashlight and holy shit i'm slowly getting two new back molars.
The wisdom tooth on my left upper side grew in perfectly straight when I was 33 years old. Now i'm getting two more teeth at 38 years old. I feel like a cranky teething baby.
|by Anonymous||reply 26||09/23/2017|
R21 I bought leeks at the farmers market today.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||09/23/2017|
I hate this psycho cunt at my work - she's an absolute unstable butch. Nasty too. The shit I've had to put up with from her .... I haven't retaliated but want to so badly
|by Anonymous||reply 28||09/23/2017|
When my boyfriend and I were shaving each other in the shower this morning, I told him I hated his chicken salad and wanted something else for lunch instead. He got made at me. I ate an orange instead.
|by Anonymous||reply 29||09/23/2017|
The highlight of my day was learning that my cheap blender had no problem with an apple for a smoothie I was making.
|by Anonymous||reply 30||09/23/2017|
My cat is pregnant again.
The fat, greedy whore!
|by Anonymous||reply 31||09/23/2017|
R26 Take them out, toots. If they're already impacted they can be easy to yank. Plus you'll have rainy day pain pills that will last for a year or more!
|by Anonymous||reply 32||09/23/2017|
I had a dream that I impregnated Kathy Bates. I was horrified about going broke to pay child support.
Yes, I'm a gay male.
|by Anonymous||reply 33||09/23/2017|
Panera tomato soup is pretty good, if you add a lot of salt.
I found this out today.
|by Anonymous||reply 34||09/23/2017|
I have a bad mailman who only reads the house number but not the name of the streets so he regularly delivers mail to the wrong house. Today the woman at the wrong house revealed herself as she personally showed up with my mis delivered mailed. She thought it would be important as it appeared to be a paycheck. I didn't have the heart to tell her about this thing called direct deposit.
|by Anonymous||reply 35||09/23/2017|
I'm getting ready for bed; mass is tomorrow at 8:00am. I'll watch some gay porn to relax.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||09/23/2017|
You'd fit right in, R36.
|by Anonymous||reply 37||09/24/2017|
I farted in an elevator today.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||09/24/2017|
I had to buy a new phone today. I spent the afternoon fiddling with the settings.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||09/24/2017|
I didn't fold the laundry today.
|by Anonymous||reply 40||09/24/2017|
I got up at noon and made coffee. Then I took a nap. The cat napped next to me. That was the whole day until dinner.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||09/24/2017|
I stood on my phone yesterday, and it's probably beyond repair. I'm really pissed off about it. I need to get a new one today.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||09/25/2017|
The sun is down. Earlier it was up.
|by Anonymous||reply 43||09/25/2017|
|by Anonymous||reply 44||09/25/2017|
One of my dogs is chewing her foot vigorously with her ass pressed against my arm.
|by Anonymous||reply 45||09/25/2017|
I accidentally walked in on my roommate giving his BF an enema, then wound up helping him with it.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||09/25/2017|
A fly came in through the window.
|by Anonymous||reply 47||09/25/2017|
My new, very expensive (for me) engineered underwear systems are line drying. It shouldn't take two days to dry, but it does.
It's phase I of new stuff: "I'll treat it with care and follow the wash instructions". By next year, I'll be throwing them in the dryer with socks and washcloths.
|by Anonymous||reply 48||09/26/2017|
[quote]It shouldn't take two days to dry, but it does.
Dear god, how wet are you?
|by Anonymous||reply 49||09/26/2017|
It's the season of the witch..Halloween. Can't wait for the horror flicks to start playing non-stop.
Also waiting for my first glass of eggnog. Is it too soon?
Mmm. Tangerines. Let Octoberfest begin.
|by Anonymous||reply 50||09/26/2017|
wtf is an engineered underwear system?
|by Anonymous||reply 51||09/26/2017|
I'm on the subway late for work, feeling dead inside thinking about the dysfunctional shitshow that awaits. Perhaps this should be posted elsewhere if it is too "whelming"...
|by Anonymous||reply 52||09/26/2017|
I feel your pain r52
Just think it will only be a few hours and you'll join us on Datalounge
|by Anonymous||reply 53||09/26/2017|
I'm taking my GMC pickup to be smogged today so I can renew the registration.
And who says I don't have a life?
|by Anonymous||reply 54||09/26/2017|
I have to pee.
|by Anonymous||reply 55||09/26/2017|
I successfully walked to work today using an immobilizer brace and a crutch, result of ACL reconstruction surgery.
|by Anonymous||reply 56||09/26/2017|
Yesterday was horrific, so this morning I treated myself to a bowel of Edy's Texas Pecan Pie ice cream
|by Anonymous||reply 57||09/26/2017|
A whole bowel, R57? Wasn't it cold going in?
|by Anonymous||reply 58||09/26/2017|
I'm sitting here reading DL and drinking a Powerade when I should be outside doing yard-work.
|by Anonymous||reply 59||09/26/2017|
R57 Woops, bowl!
|by Anonymous||reply 60||09/26/2017|
Marry me, R58!
|by Anonymous||reply 61||09/26/2017|
I still miss Mary Tyler Moore and cannot believe she's dead.
|by Anonymous||reply 62||09/26/2017|
[quote] I accidentally walked in on my roommate giving his BF an enema, then wound up helping him with it.
talk about a shitstorm
|by Anonymous||reply 63||09/26/2017|
It could have been. The BF was medically in need of the procedure and roommate was going about it all wrong. He had hung the bag as high as it would go and the BF was in agony with cramping. I unknowingly walked in on this little drama. Having had training as a Navy Hospital Corpsman, I told roommate to get out of the way and I did the procedure myself. Twice. Really great way to meet your roomie's new BF.
|by Anonymous||reply 64||09/26/2017|
[quote]wtf is an engineered underwear system?
It's underwear, but they throw so much babble into the description that it becomes an engineered underwear system.
They're trunks with anti-microbiology or something technology and mesh,cotton and lycra and they probably lift your ass while creating a nice free-swing basket for your junk. Plus, they accommodate your thighs while avoiding that whole jock strap waistband that is so annoying. Plus, they don't have a maker name plastered all over them.
You have to hand-wash/drip dry or they lose their magic properties.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||09/26/2017|
They accommodate your thighs? But not like a jockstrap?
What does that mean?
|by Anonymous||reply 66||09/26/2017|
2 more weeks until I pay off my mortgage.
|by Anonymous||reply 67||09/26/2017|
The other day, I rearranged some furniture. Today I moved everything back.
(I don't understand the Jeremy Renner threads, either, R20. I gave it a go one day and tried googling to understand who, what, and why anyone gives a shit. Nothing. I block them and the Tommy and Gio threads and others that are multi-part inside-joke threads by obsessed stans and haters that begin with something like "part 8--continue bitching" or "part 10--you know what to do.")
|by Anonymous||reply 68||09/26/2017|
My cat meowed.
|by Anonymous||reply 69||09/26/2017|
Off today! Suffering from "While I'm at it, might as well…"
I've sanded down my very dead dad's expandable scaffolding plank and I'm going to use it as a wall shelf. I have to drill into a cinder block wall to bolt in the ledge it will rest on. While I'm at it, I should drill in two (three? Four?) holes for picture frame hooks. I have some old Indian portraits that could go up there, but they are too small and too matchy. Plus, I'm trying to stick with oil paintings this season.
R66, I'm not going to advertise underwear brands, but newer trunks feature stretchier leg openings of flatter material instead of the thicker tape.
|by Anonymous||reply 70||09/27/2017|
I dreamt that they people that bought my old place had moved it right into the main street.
And they had turned into Trent and Jane Lane.
I'm waiting for a phone number port from my old telco-it's taking forever. And all the support is off-shored.
|by Anonymous||reply 71||09/27/2017|
I'm back. I have a new survival policy: I only post anon or with joke names; I don't block people (just scroll by, and don't engage the loons) but I do block annoying threads. So far, so good.
I ate fries for lunch.
|by Anonymous||reply 72||09/27/2017|
R68, I followed the Renner threads, and I still mostly don't know what they're talking about (a fangirl won a contest of some sort?). I also might or might not have seen a certain video that might or might not have existed on another unnamed site for a very short time before it, and its entire thread, was deleted.
|by Anonymous||reply 73||09/27/2017|
I saw that too, R73. The contest is an app thing. They're pissed because they had to tell a sob story to win but the winner was the one who spent the most money buying app credits, who also happens to be the main bully on the app blah blah. It'll suck you in, and before you know it your whole life is about coming on DL to find the threads they haven't deleted. I haven't been out of the house in three days.
|by Anonymous||reply 74||09/27/2017|
The top of my right foot, about 4 inches below my big toe, feels like it is being burned with acid or something. It's horrible. I wonder if it has anything to do with Cipro I was given for a UTI.
|by Anonymous||reply 75||09/28/2017|
I used to like the threads on DL that would pop up every so often where you could get a synopsis of some long-running threads. In addition to not being able to keep up with the Renner threads, I haven't kept up with the Aaron Rodgers stuff, or the dead/missing wife of the hot pastor.
|by Anonymous||reply 76||09/28/2017|
Damn, I ff'd myself again. I don't know how I do it. Sometimes when I decide to block a thread I accidentally ff the poster. But I don't know how I ff myself.
|by Anonymous||reply 77||09/28/2017|
I just found out my SNAP benefits have been reduced to $102 from $139. I'm on SSI and receive $735 a month. Apparently the government thinks I'm rich, though I suspect it's really just a plot to kill off the poor.
|by Anonymous||reply 78||09/28/2017|
Excuse me, we need tax cuts, R78. Stop being selfish
|by Anonymous||reply 79||09/28/2017|
Bravo Zulu, R64.
I hope I never have to do that.
|by Anonymous||reply 80||10/02/2017|
Thank you, R80. When I saw what was going on, I couldn't let the poor guy suffer. It was no big deal to me, but when you're on the business end of something like and you're not feeling well in the first place, it helps if you have someone help you who knows what he's doing. The weird thing is, he still can't seem to look me in the eye. To me, the procedure was as rote as changing a tire or something.
|by Anonymous||reply 81||10/02/2017|
Any discussion of suffering does not belong in an underwhelming thread.
|by Anonymous||reply 82||10/03/2017|
Why does Richard Harris sing about " a stripe-ed pair of pants" in "MacArthur Park"? As if the song wasn't already weird enough. I've never heard "striped" pronounced that way anywhere else. And why does he add an "S" ("MacArthur's Park") when that's not the title?
|by Anonymous||reply 83||10/18/2017|
That's what you got from MacArthur Park? Not the fact that Harris calls it "MacArthur's Park" through the whole song? Or the rivers flowing through the sky? Or his magnificently ridiculous sideburns?
|by Anonymous||reply 84||10/18/2017|
Here's Jimmy Webb et al performing MacArthur Park on Letterman
|by Anonymous||reply 85||10/18/2017|
I’m starting to tuck those little cotton pads against my anus before I put on my underwear. Is this how a prolapsed anus starts or is a little bit of moisture down there normal?
|by Anonymous||reply 86||10/18/2017|
No idea, R86.
|by Anonymous||reply 87||10/18/2017|
My orchid is blooming. I think I will get maybe 13 blooms this year.
|by Anonymous||reply 88||10/18/2017|
[quote]My orchid is blooming.
There's a Blanche Devereux euphamism if I've ever heard one.
|by Anonymous||reply 89||10/18/2017|
Back in the day there was no way of finding out the lyrics of a song on 45rpm, so there were lots of misheard words
In MacArthur Park, I thought some lines were "Spring was never waiting for us girls, it ran one step ahead as we frolicked in the grass" and "old men slaying chickens by the trees."
|by Anonymous||reply 90||10/18/2017|
Today Jeff Sessions acted as if he is the victim of dementia...hard times, working for a "fucking moron."
|by Anonymous||reply 91||10/18/2017|
I bought new laces for all my shoes. When I get home tonight, I'm going to change them all out and polish the shoes.
|by Anonymous||reply 92||10/18/2017|
The best thing that happened all day is that when I woke up I remembered this wasn't a shave day ( I shave 3 times a week or as needed and hate shaving).
|by Anonymous||reply 93||10/18/2017|
While I was in line to get the new license plate sticker for my pickup, the guy standing in front of me had the nicest, roundest ass I think I've ever seen. I wanted to just reach out and grab it, but of course I didn't, because they don't like you doing that kind of shit at the DMV.
|by Anonymous||reply 94||10/18/2017|
Did someone say Jeremy Renner?!
|by Anonymous||reply 95||10/18/2017|
I went back on keto and I've been in bed all day with a terrible migraine-level headache.
|by Anonymous||reply 96||10/18/2017|
I put a cat collar with a bell on my kitty.
|by Anonymous||reply 97||10/19/2017|
Not exactly underwhelming, but I didn't know where else to put it: Great Britain's entry for Father of the Year 2017
|by Anonymous||reply 98||10/19/2017|
Put up orange Halloween lights on my porch (big Halloween neighborhood here). When it got dark I went out and turned them on. Noticed something lit up orange on a low branch of my pear tree, which is about 7 ft from my house. Thought it was some kind of optical illusion,so I walked to tree and there was a tiny owl looking down at me. It let me try to take photos, but it was too dark for me to properly focus on the correct branch.
I wonder how many times that little owl has been there and I hadn't noticed?
I feed birds on the ground (especially rogue guinea fowl and a. neighbor's bossy free range chicken). Probably mice come out at night to eat the leftovers and that's what the little feller was waiting for. Probably an eastern screech owl.
|by Anonymous||reply 99||10/19/2017|
R99 — I LOVE little owls! You're very lucky to have seen one.
|by Anonymous||reply 100||10/19/2017|
The hot DILF in the neighborhood who did all of his yard work shirtless just moved out. A doughy middle-aged couple appears to be moving in. Damn.
|by Anonymous||reply 101||10/20/2017|
I saw a bit of the 90s Casper film (which, in retrospect, was pretty dark for a kids' film) on TV today and I found myself craving Ribena, which I haven't drunk since I was a kid. Then I remembered that, when the film was released, Ribena ran a competition to win Casper merchandise, so he was pictured on the cartons. It just goes to show the power of advertising that I still made the associated all these years later.
|by Anonymous||reply 102||10/26/2017|
There’s a gnat or fruit fly or something in my office, I feel it ever so lightly light into my hair, or the back or my hand, or my ear, but the little fucker flies away before I can get it. I look like I’m shooing the thin air like a schizophrenic.
|by Anonymous||reply 103||10/26/2017|
I love me some Casper. But I never saw the movie. I just watched the cartoon as a kid so hearing the theme makes me feel like I'm 10 again.
|by Anonymous||reply 104||10/27/2017|
This tweet confirms what I had suspected for a long time: the creator of Mrs Betty Bowers is a DataLounger.
[quote] Mrs. Patsy Ramsey, formerly of Boulder, CO: "Now, Officer, if you look in the basement, I'm going to be REALLY cross!"
|by Anonymous||reply 105||11/04/2017|
I went surfing today. I'm not usually one to go surfing when it isn't toasty warm, even though I have a great cold weather wet suit, but the waves were pretty good and the air temp was pretty warm.
|by Anonymous||reply 106||11/04/2017|
It's the other way around, R105. Betty started the "Mrs Patsy Ramsey of Boulder Colorado" jokes and Datalounge picked them up from her.
|by Anonymous||reply 107||11/04/2017|
I have heartburn, but I can’t stop eating this chili.
|by Anonymous||reply 108||11/04/2017|
Pop a Pepcid
|by Anonymous||reply 109||11/04/2017|
I have heartburn today, too. I took a Prilosec and a Pepcid and it seems better.
|by Anonymous||reply 110||11/04/2017|
Today I bought a pound of See's assorted dark chocolates and hid them in the tool drawer in the garage so my partner won't find them. If he did, he'd eat them all. I'll sneak one or two a day when he's not looking. Actually, See's Candy tastes way better when you have to sneak it.
|by Anonymous||reply 111||11/04/2017|
I've just finished watching the last 15 minutes of "SITC2."
|by Anonymous||reply 112||11/04/2017|
I'm going to New Zealand soon but can't seem to get motivated to pack today. I mean, I just read this whole thread.
|by Anonymous||reply 113||11/04/2017|
Also, R71, when the infamous 'I just had sex with Jani Lane' thread started here, I didn't know who he was and thought someone was being stupid about Jane Lane ... so I didn't read it till after Jani Lane had died.
|by Anonymous||reply 114||11/04/2017|
I just spent 350 dollars on the Clarisonic Smart Profile Uplift System
It better do its job and uplift my profile
|by Anonymous||reply 115||11/04/2017|
I defrosted some leftover chili from Halloween tonight. It was good. I put Texas Pete, shredded cheddar, and sour cream on it. I also added some Fritos scoops. We only buy those at Holidays.
|by Anonymous||reply 116||11/04/2017|
I couldn’t see Thor 3 last night because I was 17 minutes late.. The theater’s cutoff is 10 minutes. God forbid you should miss the previews.
|by Anonymous||reply 117||11/04/2017|
Enrenmann's singly wrapped crumb cakes taste so much better than the big crumb cake
|by Anonymous||reply 118||11/05/2017|
Ah, R107, that possibility never occurred to me.
|by Anonymous||reply 119||11/05/2017|
I'm going to pour myself a nice hot mug of coffee and go cradle the fuck out of it.
|by Anonymous||reply 120||11/05/2017|
For a minute there, I forgot The Alamo.
|by Anonymous||reply 121||11/05/2017|
By boyfriend cut a board wrong so now I have to buy another piece of wood.
|by Anonymous||reply 122||11/05/2017|
They're shooting deer in the field across the street. I've had a really pretty deer in my yard recently eating berries. I hope she gets away. I don't like deer eating my flowers but I don't want them to get the death penalty for it.
|by Anonymous||reply 123||11/05/2017|
I have a bunch of towels that need to be folded. I really don't want to do it.
|by Anonymous||reply 124||11/05/2017|
Humidifiers blast cold, watery air. I wish they weren't necessary.
I am astonished, however, at how I instantly feel better as soon as I turn them on.
I have to go to Walmart and stare at filters hoping I pick the right size.
|by Anonymous||reply 125||11/05/2017|
R118 And Slater's pins have no points—don't you always find that?” said Miss Craye, turning.
|by Anonymous||reply 126||11/05/2017|
We were going to do yard work this weekend but had a really early snow so we just lazed around reading all weekend. Tonight I made pork chops and polenta with the chanterelle mushrooms our neighbor brought us and the cat presented us with his latest kill: a huge fat mouse who I think is the one I see in the kitchen sometimes at night. He's been getting into the cat food so I think this one was personal for "Mr Whiskers."
|by Anonymous||reply 127||11/05/2017|
I ate too much.
|by Anonymous||reply 128||11/05/2017|
When I make 7-layer dip I use canned chili instead of beans. It's much better.
|by Anonymous||reply 129||11/06/2017|
I eat too much too. It's obviously sublimation for the fact that I haven't a man in my bed for over a year!!
|by Anonymous||reply 130||11/06/2017|
This priest is totally gay!
|by Anonymous||reply 131||11/06/2017|
I just googled a couple of long-ago exes and found out they are both still alive. With both of these guys, it's not a given, for different reasons.
|by Anonymous||reply 132||11/08/2017|
The Hulu app on my tv always malfunctions right after finishing an episode. It gives me an "error connecting" message when I know darn well the tv has no connectivity issues, it's just the app being glitchy. So annoying,
|by Anonymous||reply 133||11/08/2017|
I just had some pumpkin cheesecake
Ehh I wasn't impressed
|by Anonymous||reply 134||11/08/2017|
The brownies from Dominos are pretty good.
|by Anonymous||reply 135||11/08/2017|
My quietest cat woke me at 4:30 AM meowing like crazy. I went looking for her. When I couldn't find her, I decided to go back to bed. There she was at the top of the stairs with a mouse in her mouth. I was so startled I gasped and said "Oh my god!" which woke my husband, who thought we were being robbed or something. He jumped out of bed, the cat ran and we had to go under all the beds looking for her. (I sleep in a separate bedroom because I snore). She ran out from under a bed, leaving her mouse behind. Great fun getting the dead mouse from under the bed, but at least it was dead. A live mouse would have been so much worse.
|by Anonymous||reply 136||11/09/2017|
My belly looks full but I haven't eaten anything yet...I wish I had all my dead pets again
|by Anonymous||reply 137||11/09/2017|
[quote] I haven't eaten anything yet...I wish I had all my dead pets again
This particular juxtaposition disturbs my underwhelm-ment.
|by Anonymous||reply 138||11/09/2017|
My husband's cat does this hilarious trick where the laser pointer spot whips him into such a frenzy he literally runs on the wall, Matrix-style to catch it. So I decided to make a YouTube video of him and...zippideedoodah. Nothing. He just looked at the red dot with this polite, "oh, that's nice" expression and is now gazing out the window at the squirrels on the bird feeder. Fucking cats. They're all sons of bitches.
|by Anonymous||reply 139||11/09/2017|
Cats will never do the entertaining behavior you want them to do, when a camera is on them. They'll do it endlessly on their own, but once you want them to do it, they just stare at you.
|by Anonymous||reply 140||11/09/2017|
[quote] they just stare at you.
It's the evil grin that gets to me.
|by Anonymous||reply 141||11/09/2017|
R101 I condole you.
The hot, balding, bearded straight married guy across the street - the one who has on a few occasions, early in the morning, beat off in his living room watching porn - has sadly moved out.
He looked a bit doughy on the street, but damn, he had an enormous cock. I'll miss seeing that Leaning Tower of Pisa blast off.
|by Anonymous||reply 142||11/09/2017|
One of my cats meows when I tell him to, but I have to give him an exaggerated wink and move my head a little, otherwise he won't do it. He is the only cat I've ever owned who does a "trick." (Not that kind)
|by Anonymous||reply 143||11/09/2017|
Last night I dreamed that my former teacher was famous. My former teacher was Jon Stewart. It was cold and rainy outside, so i popped into a deli in East Hampton. Stewart was there and asked me if I would attend a talent show where his nephew would sing. Of course! I said. He told me the talent show was to raise money for his nephew's school, and he wanted me to get all of my friends to attend, because he wanted a full audience. Sure, I said. I started calling people and asking them to buy a ticket. Everyone said no. I asked if they would attend if I bought a ticket for them and about half said, "OK." Shit, now I had to pay thousands of dollars for tickets and I didn't know how many people would actually show up. I was going to look bad in front of my former-teacher-and-now famous-person because it was going to look like I didn't have many friends. And it was going to cost me a fortune.
|by Anonymous||reply 144||11/11/2017|
I got sick. It's fish for dinner.
This is not [italic]Airplane![/italic] I got sick before the fish.
|by Anonymous||reply 145||11/11/2017|
I bought my cat an expensive scratching lounger thingy off Amazon because she deserves it. I'll be damned if she has cut off all contact with me in order to spend all her time on that thing. Damn you, Amazon! Damn you all to hell!
|by Anonymous||reply 146||11/11/2017|
I had to get up TWICE last night to urinate.
I think I'll get one of those big Cranberry Juice glass bottles and place it under my bed.
|by Anonymous||reply 147||11/11/2017|
In two months' time, it'll be the 10th anniversary of Heath Ledger's death. OMG. I feel so old.
|by Anonymous||reply 148||11/11/2017|
Did Heath have genuine talent? More than the schmucks who fester our screens today?
|by Anonymous||reply 149||11/11/2017|
Oh no, IMDB has gone down!
|by Anonymous||reply 150||11/11/2017|
^ It's OK. It's up again.
|by Anonymous||reply 151||11/11/2017|
He improved with age, IMO, R149. Brokeback Mountain and The Dark Knight stand out as his best performances.
|by Anonymous||reply 152||11/11/2017|
I farted so loudly my cat jumped
|by Anonymous||reply 153||11/11/2017|
My gastro doctor examined my hole and said one of my hemorrhoids is thrombosed. He said it’s too inflamed to treat with the laser in his office and since it’s outside he can’t band it. So I have to do warm soaks and stool softener and return in two weeks for him to reevaluate.
|by Anonymous||reply 154||11/11/2017|
I bought weird beer that ended up the bargain bin. It was cheap, made with watermelon and sea salt. It is not bad, more like a prosecco than a beer.
|by Anonymous||reply 155||11/11/2017|
I just ate two big bowls of Thai hot and spicy noodle soup. I told myself I would stop at one but I knew that wouldn't happen. Now I'm sleepy.
|by Anonymous||reply 156||11/11/2017|
I want to to make my own old-fashioned icicles with a sheet of foil and a paper shredder. I just got this idea today and I don’t own a paper shredder so I don’t even know if it’s possible.
|by Anonymous||reply 157||11/11/2017|
R156 — You'll wake up quickly when that hot & spicy soup kicks in! I don't know how hot and spicy it is, but that Thai stuff has the capacity to blow you out a whole new asshole.
R153 — It's funny you should mention about your cat waking itself up by farting. I actually did that myself a few days ago. It has never happened before. It was like a gunshot.
|by Anonymous||reply 158||11/12/2017|
There was a young cute new dentist when I got a checkup last week. He was 6 feet 4 inches tall but it was hard to make out his body type under this scrubs and gown. Looked just slightly muscular. Full head of hair and nice voice. He made me think of Alexander the Great. His patient was an old whiny lady. Boo. :(
|by Anonymous||reply 159||11/12/2017|
I don't know why this made me laugh so much. It hit just the right spot.
|by Anonymous||reply 160||11/12/2017|
I just made arroz con pollo. I think it might be a bit too salty but it's pretty good. My mother gave me a bunch of coloured peppers from her garden so it looks very pretty.
|by Anonymous||reply 161||11/12/2017|
Fresh garlic on pizza is pretty good.
|by Anonymous||reply 162||11/12/2017|
They were out of the Spring Meadow scented Tide Pods, so I had to the the Sport scent.
I hope I don't regret it.
|by Anonymous||reply 163||11/12/2017|
My feet are finally warm
|by Anonymous||reply 164||11/12/2017|
I used to go to a particular store because the woman at the deli was friendly and knew how to process my order.
But they replaced her with a really ugly man and he is dumber than a box of rocks. How you can hear the word "mozzarella" and think "muenster" is beyond me.
|by Anonymous||reply 165||11/12/2017|
This is fosr you, R160:
|by Anonymous||reply 166||11/12/2017|
Is this gonna give The Hitachi Magic Wand a run for its money?
|by Anonymous||reply 167||11/12/2017|
Italy have failed to qualify for the World Cup! First time in 60 years.
|by Anonymous||reply 168||11/13/2017|
I have a growth above my ear. It started out small but now sticks out maybe 1/4 inch.
I haven't looked at it because that's scary.
|by Anonymous||reply 169||11/13/2017|
Don't look at it r169.
It'll go away.
|by Anonymous||reply 170||11/14/2017|
My friend and I had a good chuckle about a prank we pulled in our AOL days.
We were in an AOL chat room with a guy who was boasting about his appearance and endowment. We told him we would send him a photo of two hot pussies if he sent us a picture of his cock.
The photo he sent was impressive, who knows if it was his own.
We sent him a photo of my friend's two cats sitting on a radiator.......
|by Anonymous||reply 171||11/14/2017|
I’m want to make chili tonight, but the pot is still dirty from the last time I made it.
|by Anonymous||reply 172||11/14/2017|
The restroom spray stocked at work is called "FOREVER PINK," by Victoria's Secret. Both names makes me think of a vaginal infection.
|by Anonymous||reply 173||11/14/2017|
I won my NFL pool this week. I think first prize is almost $200.
|by Anonymous||reply 174||11/14/2017|
Just farted. No smell. Which is odd, since I hate an entire jar of hot salsa tonight, drinking it out of the jar.
|by Anonymous||reply 175||11/14/2017|
R111 here again. My scheme worked. The pound of See's candy I hid in the garage is now all gone. I ate all of it myself. It lasted 11 days. Had my partner discovered it, it might have lasted two days. (Might). I took the empty box to work to throw away, so there would be no evidence. I'm going to buy some more over the weekend and do the same thing. I don't mind sharing, but with some people if you give them one piece they'll wind up eating the whole box.
Anticipating the reaction I know is bound to be forthcoming after this confession, here's the disclaimer: neither one of us is fat. Really. We aren't.
|by Anonymous||reply 176||11/15/2017|
[quote] neither one of us is fat. Really. We aren't.
|by Anonymous||reply 177||11/15/2017|
I bought a bag of baby carrots. Organic. But I'm stuck. What method should I use to cook them?
|by Anonymous||reply 178||11/15/2017|
R176 - couldn't you just have bought a box for yourself and another one for your partner?
|by Anonymous||reply 179||11/16/2017|
Psssst....wanna see my big black cock, R171?
|by Anonymous||reply 180||11/16/2017|
I was at the store this morning and a woman had a complete meltdown. I used to work retail and thought I'd seen it all, but this bit had an overture, first act, intermission, second act AND an 11 o'clock number.
Because the store put vanilla cake on the shelf and she took it home and made it and only after making it did she realize it was chocolate, because they put the box on the wrong part of the shelf, and now she's going to SUE them for gross negligence because her mother in law doesn't eat any fucking chocolate CAAAAAAKE!
(And as an aside: I am so frustrated.....I have carried my cell with me for a decade everywhere. I stop carrying it in the last week because we're having a rash of robberies where thieves take iPhones, and since Monday I've witnessed a car accident, a thief stealing a package from someone's porch AND this!)
|by Anonymous||reply 181||11/16/2017|
WTF 181 those three paragraphs OVERwhelmed ---Now I need to do some breathing exercises thanks to you.
|by Anonymous||reply 182||11/16/2017|
|by Anonymous||reply 183||11/16/2017|
[quote]Now I need to do some breathing exercises thanks to you.
Shallow breaths only r182.
|by Anonymous||reply 184||11/16/2017|
Politically incorrect opinion in California: I hate the rain.
|by Anonymous||reply 185||11/16/2017|
China poured more concrete from 2011 to 2013 than America did during the entire 20th century.
|by Anonymous||reply 186||11/16/2017|
i have the hiccups.
|by Anonymous||reply 187||11/16/2017|
i just can't wake up today
|by Anonymous||reply 188||11/16/2017|
|by Anonymous||reply 189||11/16/2017|
I spent 6 hours foulding laundry and still have not a single pair of matching socks
|by Anonymous||reply 190||11/16/2017|
[quote]I bought a bag of baby carrots. Organic. But I'm stuck. What method should I use to cook them?
You can boil those suckers for an hour and they won't soften up. They aren't really 'baby' carrots but gnarly carrots that nobody will buy. They cut them up and then treat them with chlorine.
|by Anonymous||reply 191||11/16/2017|
I have been having headaches and feeling like I have to shit all the time.
|by Anonymous||reply 192||11/16/2017|
"[R176] - couldn't you just have bought a box for yourself and another one for your partner?"
I've actually done that in the past. The problem is, he eats whatever it is I've bought for him, then when it's gone he manages to eat the rest of mine, too. I realize how terrible that sounds, but I reiterate, neither one of us is fat. We normally don't keep sweets in the house. (Mainly because he always finds and eats them).
|by Anonymous||reply 193||11/16/2017|
I usually take a walk before dinner, but today I didn't.
|by Anonymous||reply 194||11/16/2017|
I read a post on a Facebook Old Homes Renovation page. Prior occupants who stayed 60 days passed the closing date poured concrete down the kitchen drain as a parting gift to the new owners. That's what happens when you buy a house under foreclosure. Talk about a kitchen sink drama!
|by Anonymous||reply 195||11/16/2017|
^^^In case you were wondering why so many landlords are unfeeling assholes.
|by Anonymous||reply 196||11/17/2017|
A relative of mine has come out as trans on national tv I'm glad my mother is dead because it would have killed her.
|by Anonymous||reply 197||11/17/2017|
the voices won't leave me alone.
|by Anonymous||reply 198||11/17/2017|
I have a cold and spent most of last night sneezing, so I bought some nasal spray this morning. Now I've stopped sneezing altogether, but my throat hurts and no matter how much I cough, I can't clear it. With hindsight, the constant sneezing was the lesser evil. #firstworldproblems
|by Anonymous||reply 199||11/17/2017|
I'm getting ready to replace my kitchen appliances and washer/dryer in one fell swoop. Better than stringing it out, I thought.
|by Anonymous||reply 200||11/17/2017|
Eat a teaspoon or two of honey, R199.
|by Anonymous||reply 201||11/17/2017|
Why is Daniel Franzese so obese?
|by Anonymous||reply 202||11/17/2017|
I just made pastry cream for the first time, but I made too much.
It used 12 eggs.
|by Anonymous||reply 203||11/17/2017|
[quote] Why is Daniel Franzese so obese?
He's just trying to keep up with you, dear.
|by Anonymous||reply 204||11/18/2017|
Whenever I see people wearing those Apple AirPods hanging out of the ears in the street, I can't stop thinking of this—
|by Anonymous||reply 205||11/19/2017|
I went to Chuck E. Cheese. Not to eat or play games. For the theater.
|by Anonymous||reply 206||11/19/2017|
My hotmail page has been frozen on my iPhone for the last 2 days :(
|by Anonymous||reply 207||11/19/2017|
I watched Female Trouble with my niece Anna two weeks ago. She's 7.
My sister called yesterday because Anna is getting at trouble at school for telling other kids, "Who are you.....UGLY?"
She also said that Anna asked her little brother to call her Taffy.
My work here is DONE!
|by Anonymous||reply 208||11/20/2017|
Won't someone PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?????!!!!!!!???????
|by Anonymous||reply 209||11/20/2017|
I don't know where to file this.
|by Anonymous||reply 210||11/20/2017|
Could someone please start a "I really, really want to be underwhelmed" thread.
|by Anonymous||reply 211||11/21/2017|
I had sour patch kids for breakfast.
|by Anonymous||reply 212||11/22/2017|
I can't quite believe this is real. Anyone who buys this sweater should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.
|by Anonymous||reply 213||11/24/2017|
I have a headache today. I may have a headache two or three times per annum, max. If you see some guy sitting on his front porch in eye mask and noise-canceling headphones, it's probably me.
|by Anonymous||reply 214||11/25/2017|
My rear end is very sore from being in the car all day. I’m relieved we just pulled in to the hotel parking lot. Soon my rump will rest.
|by Anonymous||reply 215||11/25/2017|
My stomach hurts really bad. I ate a whole plate of food on Thanksgiving and yesterday. I never eat that much food at once. Never again.
|by Anonymous||reply 216||11/25/2017|
I just had a Milky Way bar for dinner.
|by Anonymous||reply 217||11/25/2017|
Do I need to empty my bowels? I can't be sure. I'll have to stand up and twist around to feel if there's enough in my bowels to evacuate them.
Do I remember evacuating them morning? Or was that memory from yesterday?
|by Anonymous||reply 218||11/25/2017|
My house is so disorganized I permanently lost my glasses. I have this old pair that are rimless and make this elder look even more elder. I went to the optometrist to get a new pair but didn't cause they didn't take my insurance.
They managed to twist the rimless ones back into shape. They were fine except that they are easily lost because they blend in to the background.
I sat on them and one of the bows broke off so now it is a real professional look. I bought some readers but still procrastinate about getting a new pair. Pretty fucking boring minutiae...... how did Proust make it so interesting?
Oh yeah he was a genius
|by Anonymous||reply 219||11/25/2017|
Oh, man, R219! I really relate to the glasses thing. I am constantly losing them or sitting on them. Stepped on them once. The worst thing is when I’m frantically running around the house looking for them and can’t find them—and then realize I’ve pushed them to the top of my head and forgot. Again.
|by Anonymous||reply 220||11/25/2017|
My partner baked three turkeys. Fifty pounds of turkey are 49 pounds more than I think we need for frozen leftovers. I don't particularly like turkey.
|by Anonymous||reply 221||11/25/2017|
Visiting family today (Sunday). I’ll always remember walking in to face intervention (s) during the holiday season.
|by Anonymous||reply 222||11/26/2017|
I discovered a spelling error in Cleveland's traffic statistics report for 1953. To whom shall I report the error?
|by Anonymous||reply 223||11/26/2017|
Was cleaning my bathroom today. Used my trusty Clorox bathroom cleaner with bleach spray. I sprayed the tub, and also the tiles the go to the ceiling in the tub area. About a half hour later I was putting towels away and noticed that my brand new Navy blue towels, that had been folded On the shelf next to the tub had bleach "spray" marks all Over. Now they are ruined. They are Navy blue with pink spray spots.
My phone sucks. Not sure if it's my actual iPhone 7 plus that sucks or if this site has ruined my phone and gave me a virus. I'm thinking of getting the iPhone X because of this.
Also looking for a new job this week.
I was good this weekend. Only bought a couple things during the Black Friday sales
|by Anonymous||reply 224||11/26/2017|
[quote]To whom shall I report the error?
You just did r223. The DL is the repository for all such meaningless shit.
|by Anonymous||reply 225||11/27/2017|
My penis is hard.
|by Anonymous||reply 226||11/27/2017|
|by Anonymous||reply 227||11/27/2017|
Was your hard penis aroused by some erotic stimulation or was it just a waking dream? They are the hardest.
|by Anonymous||reply 228||11/27/2017|
I get perverse pleasure by going into the kitchen late at night and suddenly turning on the light and using a fly swatter to thwack the inevitable 2 or 3 cockroaches I see scuttling away.
|by Anonymous||reply 229||11/28/2017|
There's a fairly large puff of dog hair hanging from a single strand of spider web in the laundry room. I should clean it but it's kind of fascinating the way it wafts in the draft every time a door opens or shuts.
|by Anonymous||reply 230||11/28/2017|
I have never seen The Sixth Sense. Is it worth watching if, like me, you already know the twist?
|by Anonymous||reply 231||11/29/2017|
The twist is pretty evident from the get-go, so just enjoy the ride.
|by Anonymous||reply 232||11/29/2017|
Thanks, R232, I'll give it a try.
|by Anonymous||reply 233||11/29/2017|
My doctor tells me to reduce my cholesterol by eating stodgy porridge.
I sits like a dead weight in my stomach and I have to wait 6 months to find out if it's effective in any way.
|by Anonymous||reply 234||11/29/2017|
Friends to the end.
Cody and Howell Emanuel Donaldson III
|by Anonymous||reply 235||11/30/2017|
^ I don't suppose Howell Donaldson III (on the left) isn't any relation to Thurston Howell III.
|by Anonymous||reply 236||11/30/2017|
It's just emerged that my younger brother thought Princess Diana was William & Harry’s older sister. And we’re British. He was only a toddler when she died, but still. Jesus Christ.
|by Anonymous||reply 237||12/01/2017|
That's ok, R237. I thought Anne was the family horse
|by Anonymous||reply 238||12/01/2017|
I accidentally farted while walking past one of my hot boss' door and immediately coughed and ran paper through the shredder for distraction. I hope he forgets by Monday that it ever happened.
|by Anonymous||reply 239||12/01/2017|
He might forget but I remember!
|by Anonymous||reply 240||12/02/2017|
Who is this Muriel person?
Does Muriel come in and exercise "Flood Control" every time as I want to share my wisdom
|by Anonymous||reply 241||12/02/2017|
I drank seven pints of beer of last night and fell asleep at 10.
But my brain woke me up at 2.30 and at 6.00am and again at 9.30 am to urinate out those seven pints of beer.
|by Anonymous||reply 242||12/03/2017|
I think Dianne Feinstein should retire, don't you?
She looks at Death's Door with those sad, saggy eyelids which must be hell to paint with a mascara pencil.
|by Anonymous||reply 243||12/04/2017|
[quote] R219: My house is so disorganized I permanently lost my glasses.
Look under the couch cushions and then under the couch. That’s where mine were, twice.
|by Anonymous||reply 244||12/04/2017|
[quote] R231: I have never seen The Sixth Sense
I thought it was a great movie.
|by Anonymous||reply 245||12/04/2017|
There's a difference between Christmas/Holiday songs and Winter songs.
Silent Night and White Christmas are Christmas Songs.
Baby It's Cold Outside and Winter Wonderland are Winter songs. As such, they may be performed and heard into March.
|by Anonymous||reply 246||12/06/2017|
However, thank god they are not.
|by Anonymous||reply 247||12/06/2017|
Steve Jobs is now wearing mint green turtlenecks in his afterlife.
|by Anonymous||reply 248||12/07/2017|
[quote]Steve Jobs is now wearing mint green turtlenecks in his afterlife.
The first reason I've had to remain alive in YEARS!
|by Anonymous||reply 249||12/07/2017|
Sept. 18, 1966: Diane Habegger of Van Nuys, the mother of three, organizes Housewives Voice for Lower Prices. They point out that the cost of bread had gone from 37 to 41 cents a loaf in two weeks
|by Anonymous||reply 250||12/07/2017|
My Mom pronounced Camilla Parker Bowles' name as "Carmela Bowels."
And Swoosie Kurtz as "Susie Squirts."
|by Anonymous||reply 251||12/07/2017|
Double ply Quilted Northern plugs my toilet.
I have to go back to single ply but Scott brand hurts. Tree bark would feel better.
|by Anonymous||reply 252||12/08/2017|
It has become darker, earlier. I have just begun to notice this.
|by Anonymous||reply 253||12/08/2017|
Della, try Scott Rapid Dissolve. It is two ply, and doesn't hurt. It is gentle on my 125 year old plumbing.
|by Anonymous||reply 254||12/08/2017|
Sometimes I see a piece of clothing in a film and it is so ugly, it ruins every scene that it is in.
|by Anonymous||reply 255||12/08/2017|
[quote]R91 I spent 6 hours foulding laundry and still have not a single pair of matching socks
Are you one of the Magdalene Sisters?
|by Anonymous||reply 256||12/08/2017|
[quote]R251 My Mom pronounced Camilla Parker Bowles' name as "Carmela Bowels."
My mom not only renames stars, but calls any of them I like my friends.
She'll say, "It starred your friend, Faye Dunahugh."
|by Anonymous||reply 257||12/08/2017|
Oh, thanks, r254.
|by Anonymous||reply 258||12/09/2017|
[quote] It is gentle on my 125 year old plumbing.
At that age, you're lucky you can still sit on a toilet. (*_~)
|by Anonymous||reply 259||12/09/2017|
I will go on an all-liquid diet when I reach 60.
I hate the drama of intestinal scraping and blockages.
|by Anonymous||reply 260||12/09/2017|
I wear rubber gloves whenever I have to touch water— including in the shower and whenever I perform a bowel-movement
|by Anonymous||reply 261||12/09/2017|
I just cleaned some bird poop off of the hood of my Honda CR-V using paper towels and a spray bottle of water.
|by Anonymous||reply 262||12/09/2017|
I guess bird poop is acidic.
I am overwhelmed by the smell of ammonia when I empty my urine bottle.
|by Anonymous||reply 263||12/09/2017|
There is a toenail on my left foot that is very hard to cut. I've had it checked multiple times and it does not have fungus.
|by Anonymous||reply 264||12/09/2017|
^. You need to get a friend or a colleague to try it.
It's hard to get a good position to manoeuvre on your own feet. That's why I love my new foot scraper!
|by Anonymous||reply 265||12/09/2017|
I had a dream that all my teeth fell out. When I woke up I was so relieved that it was just a dream.
|by Anonymous||reply 266||12/09/2017|
|by Anonymous||reply 267||12/09/2017|
"Blacula" is on Retro TV now. It's fun to watch it.
I remember seeing it during its 70s first run at the Modjeska Theatre. I was too frightened to watch it through and left early.
|by Anonymous||reply 268||12/11/2017|
I just learned that if you Google "All I Want for Christmas Is You", the results page has a Christmassy heading.
|by Anonymous||reply 269||12/11/2017|
"All I Want for Christmas Is You" This season, for the first time, I finally heard that song from start to finish. It's superb pop music.
"Scream, Blacula, Scream", " is on now. Already I can tell it won't be as fun to watch as "Blacula".
|by Anonymous||reply 270||12/11/2017|
"Music composed and conducted by Bill Marx".
|by Anonymous||reply 271||12/11/2017|
I've been stuck all week watching my step-grandson and I've taught him the Harpo Marx Handshake routine. The kid performs it like a champ:
|by Anonymous||reply 272||12/11/2017|
I bought a blender to encourage myself to eat more fruit.
Tonight I made a new mix of ⅔ cantaloupe and ⅓ skim milk plus two spoons of desiccated coconut.
|by Anonymous||reply 273||12/12/2017|
How did you type those fractions?
|by Anonymous||reply 274||12/12/2017|
^ Well, I just typed in a 2 and a / and a 3 and suddenly a ⅔ popped into place.
|by Anonymous||reply 275||12/12/2017|
That cantaloupe smoothie was unusual in that it was based on milk.
Most of my others have oranges as their base. And I add on apples or carrots or celery or berries.
|by Anonymous||reply 276||12/12/2017|
I hate 99% of Christmas music, especially Jingle Bell Rock.
|by Anonymous||reply 277||12/13/2017|
Underwhelm is a fairly recent addition to the English language, and as is often the case with such young words, there is a certain amount of misinformation regarding where it came from.
|by Anonymous||reply 278||12/13/2017|
I just thought of a couple of fun exit lines:
See you later, masturbator.
After a while, pedophile.
|by Anonymous||reply 279||12/13/2017|
I came here to post something, but now I forget what.
|by Anonymous||reply 280||12/13/2017|
All we did for outdoor Christmas lights was put a 90 watt white spotlight under each (6 of 'em) tree; nothing else. We also put up a large wreath with small white lights with a large red bow.
I like it, but, truth be told, I honestly can't make up my mind if the effect is elegant and subtle or blah and dull.
|by Anonymous||reply 281||12/14/2017|
^ I'm not Catholic or superstitious but I'd feel uneasy placing wreath on my door.
Jesus died at Easter time not Christmas.
|by Anonymous||reply 282||12/14/2017|
Yeah, R282, but only for three days. Does the time he was "dead" really count?
|by Anonymous||reply 283||12/15/2017|
Maybe he was just a deep sleeper, r283.
|by Anonymous||reply 284||12/15/2017|
So, I guess I'm not supposed to dip my bread into the peanut butter jar. Sometimes my mam makes me feel like a seven year old.
|by Anonymous||reply 285||12/16/2017|
There's a Claudia Lamb (Heather Hartman from MH,MH) tribute on YT. It's a little less than a minute long but provides a link to an actual Claudia Lamb interview from 10-28-16.
|by Anonymous||reply 286||12/16/2017|
The tediousness of dressing with an awreness of thr various articles of clothing w hen worn together, i.e. length of shirt and height of waistband, degree of sheerness of shirt, camisole versus bra, cleavage and help style, length of pants, type of sock, type of shoe, color match, Brown or black leather for shoes and purse, outerwear in comparison to outfit, likelihood of perspiring and the appropriate deodorant, etc. ad infinitum.
|by Anonymous||reply 287||12/16/2017|
😂😂😂😂 Love you.
|by Anonymous||reply 288||12/16/2017|
Fifty minutes ago a strange man's mouth was around my penis.
It was pleasant even if he wasn't particularly attractive.
His mouth was wonderfully warm.
|by Anonymous||reply 289||12/16/2017|
"Dog food lid" spelled backward is “dildo of god.”
"Jesus" read backward sounds like "sausage."
|by Anonymous||reply 290||12/17/2017|
What is the difference between lint, dust and dander?
I suck it all up in my Dyson Stick but can I place it all down the lavatory bowl?
|by Anonymous||reply 291||12/19/2017|
Look at the two harmonious curves of the man on the right's stomach and buttock
|by Anonymous||reply 292||12/20/2017|
I'm watching this movie on YouTube.
It's directed by James Whale and features an absolutely OTT role for Mrs Patrick Campbell.
|by Anonymous||reply 293||12/22/2017|
^ "One More River" (1934)
|by Anonymous||reply 294||12/22/2017|
I just slipped and fell on my way from the kitchen. That’s what I get for being a fat girl.
|by Anonymous||reply 295||12/22/2017|
I cut ma toe. I took the recycle bag out of the bin to bring it out to the garage and I kicked it when I walked past it. With my luck, I managed to kick a heavy glass canister that had been broken in half. I'm lucky I didn't sever the toe from my foot.
|by Anonymous||reply 296||12/23/2017|
I had another of my flying dreams which originated my childhood Parkour (*look it up in a dictionary*)
I fly vast differences over cities that I know. Of course, my greatest problem is avoiding the telegraph wires because I don't like flying too high. But you'd be amazed how you can pick a flight path to avoid them. Last night I flew across the harbour to avoid them.
|by Anonymous||reply 297||12/24/2017|
I just watched Planes Trains and Automobiles and Steve Martin's wife looks like she's on barbiturates through the whole thing
|by Anonymous||reply 298||12/25/2017|
I have never been a big holiday person....and always go to an extended family's endless dinner where we arrive two hours early.
This year (and at Thansgiving) I bucked tradition by arriving a half an hour late for the drinks portion.
|by Anonymous||reply 299||12/25/2017|
Something big keeps pooping in my front yard.
|by Anonymous||reply 300||12/26/2017|
I posted upthread about EBT benefits being cut. SSI just gave us a raise from $735 to $750 per month. So EBT went down from $102 to $95. Net gain of $8 for rise in "cost of living." I wonder how republicans live with themselves sometimes.
|by Anonymous||reply 301||12/26/2017|
^. Are you taking about Electronic benefit transfer, R301?
|by Anonymous||reply 302||12/26/2017|
Yes, r302, a.k.a. Food Stamps a.k.a. SNAP.
|by Anonymous||reply 303||12/26/2017|
I just found out that one of my two actual, legitimate enemies died today of cancer. My other enemy is his wife. I wish I had even a little bit of regret, but I still despise them both. They did me a lot of damage.
|by Anonymous||reply 304||12/26/2017|
Like mortal enemies, R304?
|by Anonymous||reply 305||12/26/2017|
R301 I guess you didn't appreciate that thread from a couple of months ago in DL where about 20 or so DLers (who I assume had retired and were able to calculate their assets and) declared they were worth over a million dollars.
I haven't the wherewithal to calculate mine but my best friends says most have more than they know.
|by Anonymous||reply 306||12/26/2017|
OK, (Julianne Moore) seriously, some of you noobs need to go read old Underwhelmed threads because you're missing the fucking point of the entire thing. And, for that matter, you should be reading old threads to get a sense of tone for this entire place because you're fucking it all up.
|by Anonymous||reply 307||12/26/2017|
R305, well the one is mortal anyway, since he's dead now. Hopefully the other stone-cold cunt will prove her mortality soon enough.
|by Anonymous||reply 308||12/26/2017|
R300 , could it be a raccoon? They come to our house looking for cat food every night, and sometimes I'll see poop on the sidewalk and think it might be them because most people will pick up after their dogs.
We have skunks too; they have such luxurious tales.
|by Anonymous||reply 309||12/27/2017|
Tales of what, R309? I thought skunks led pretty boring lives.
|by Anonymous||reply 310||12/27/2017|
Sorry, it's me r300. I can't help it and your daisies are sooooo inviting!
|by Anonymous||reply 311||12/27/2017|
I’m the musical Cats!
|by Anonymous||reply 312||12/27/2017|
I love Cats and cats.
|by Anonymous||reply 313||12/27/2017|
Two owls are hooting at each other in the woods behind my house. They're really loud. It sounds something like this:
|by Anonymous||reply 314||12/27/2017|
My husband and I sleep in separate bedrooms because I snore. He is vegetarian and weighs 150lbs soaking wet. Last night he turned the thermostat up so high that I had to open my window an inch (it was 12 degrees outside) and drag my summer fan out of the closet. When I finally tried to turn down the thermostat, I couldn't. He'd broken it. Seriously. The heat won't stop.
He's always been cold. But when I walked into his bedroom early today, what did I see? His fucking air conditioner is still in his window! It's uncovered. It's 13 degrees and windy outside, he's got the equivalent of an open window in his room and my room is 84 degrees! Stupidity like this is unfathomable.
|by Anonymous||reply 315||12/28/2017|
Zac Efron’s acting career.
|by Anonymous||reply 316||12/28/2017|
I'm ill and instead of offering comfort my cat sits on his favourite cushion and looks at me like he is slightly disgusted and confused, and wants a cuddle. So I pick him up for a cuddle and he looks uncomfortable and fucks off back to his cushion.
|by Anonymous||reply 317||12/29/2017|
Heinz mayonnaise is not as good as Hellman's/Best Foods.
|by Anonymous||reply 318||12/29/2017|
I'm so worried about my Guinea fowl. They sleep in trees and live their whole lives outdoors. They've gone through cold weather before, but not extended, like this. Maybe a few days of single digits and teens temperatures, then it gets to be about 30 degrees, which is fine with them. I looked at the 10 day outlook and there are no days where the temperature gets out of the low twenties and all days have lows in the single digits. This sucks.
|by Anonymous||reply 319||12/29/2017|
r319, what do you do with Guinea fowl, do you eat them or their eggs? Curious. I hear they're good for keeping down ticks.
|by Anonymous||reply 320||12/29/2017|
Do they have a coop, R319? Leave it open and make sure they have deep clean bedding but other than that you don't need to worry about them. You might try giving them an evening feed of corn but that's about it.
|by Anonymous||reply 321||12/29/2017|
I just got some blood test results back: bad liver and kidney numbers. I'm quite scared.
|by Anonymous||reply 322||12/29/2017|
Be careful with your kidneys. I knew a very wealthy alcoholic who was struck down at age 65.
|by Anonymous||reply 323||12/29/2017|
I am so whelmed that I am deleting this thread from my favorites.
|by Anonymous||reply 324||01/02/2018|
I understand R324. I can't expect you to share my pain in that my nightmares are getting worse with age.
They're getting worse in that my self-knowledge is increasing inversely with the deterioration of all those valves, bones, ligaments and soft flesh which all adds to horrible, horrible nightmares.
|by Anonymous||reply 325||01/02/2018|
Take it to a thread that cares r325.
|by Anonymous||reply 326||01/02/2018|
My cat is rather fond of marzipan stollen.
|by Anonymous||reply 327||01/03/2018|
I have a test tomorrow morning and I havent studied yet
|by Anonymous||reply 328||01/03/2018|
I just found online the full length version of a highlights porn video which I've jerked off to in the past, and the full length version is no more exciting than the highlights.
|by Anonymous||reply 329||01/04/2018|
That is common R329. We have short attention span now.
|by Anonymous||reply 330||01/04/2018|
I'm listening to songs from the I Am Sam soundtrack (even though I've never seen the film), and all I can think of Robert Downey Jr's "never go full retard" speech in Tropic Thunder.
|by Anonymous||reply 331||01/05/2018|
While watching Jimi Hendrix- Voodoo Child on Netflix I realized Lenny Kravitz copies his clothing style.
|by Anonymous||reply 332||01/06/2018|
Lenny Kravitz is a Half-jewish copy-cat
|by Anonymous||reply 333||01/06/2018|
I grew up saying "hot chocolate" instead of "cocoa."
|by Anonymous||reply 334||01/06/2018|
I'm sick and goddamn tired of my partner's life long straight male friend contacting me because my boyfriend won't respond to him. Said friend lives in a European country and loves to contact us at inopportune times because he's too fucking stupid to understand the time difference. I always end up being the one arguing politics and whatever else this guy wants to bitch about. Why must I keep up my boyfriend's friendships? This has been going on for years.
|by Anonymous||reply 335||01/06/2018|
I dread this evening's inevitable multiple Golden Globes threads. Those uncomfortable which thread will be "it?" moments before the prevailing thread takes over, unnerves me.
|by Anonymous||reply 336||01/07/2018|
R335 — You can put an end to it by abruptly, when he's in mid-sentence, say to him, "I'll bet you have a really big cock. Got any dick pics?" Or if you think that's a little too hardcore, you could say instead, "What color underpants are you wearing right now?"
|by Anonymous||reply 337||01/07/2018|
Sage advice for new year—
|by Anonymous||reply 338||01/07/2018|
I use a mouse instead of the touchpad.
The roller thing on the top of the mouse, in the middle, just stopped responding.
I worry it is broken.
|by Anonymous||reply 339||01/09/2018|
I hate these fuckers. I keep finding them in my house.
|by Anonymous||reply 340||01/10/2018|
[quote] what do you do with Guinea fowl, do you eat them or their eggs?
My guinea fowl don't have a coop. They sleep in trees. They just showed up one day. There were 15 of them. They've been whittled down to 3. There were 4 of them for 5 years, but I lost one last winter (during a warm spell, oddly).
I keep them for eating ticks. In summer they eat birdseed as a snack, but in winter I have to seriously feed them. They're idiots, but I like them.
They are all male. The females all died the first summer because they lay eggs out in the open and sit on the nest day and night, where they end up getting consumed by hawks, owls, dogs, raccoons, possums, foxes. We don't have coyotes here, but they are big consumers of guinea fowl as well.
|by Anonymous||reply 341||01/10/2018|
|by Anonymous||reply 342||01/10/2018|
I had the creepiest dream last night. I was lying in my bed when I felt this invisible force - (i.e. a ghost) - pushing down on my chest and my throat so that I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see anything, but I could hear it screaming aggressively at me, although I couldn't make out what it was saying. When I woke up, I was in that confused, half-asleep state, so it took me a few minutes to realise that it must have been a dream.
|by Anonymous||reply 343||01/10/2018|
Salesforce Tower, underwhelming by design, opens for business
Noted skyscraper comes with San Francisco’s lack of “visual swagger”
|by Anonymous||reply 344||01/10/2018|
God, that building is ugly. It looks like a mechanical pencil.
|by Anonymous||reply 345||01/10/2018|
I put a pizza in the toaster oven and ate an apple while it was cooking and now I'm not even hungry anymore and don't want to eat the pizza.
|by Anonymous||reply 346||Last Sunday at 2:43 PM|
I hate Sunday so much I feel like crying.
|by Anonymous||reply 347||Last Sunday at 2:58 PM|
I always flush my nail clippings. Somehow, I'm afraid that someone could use them to put a spell on me. (I'm not making this up.)
|by Anonymous||reply 348||Last Sunday at 3:13 PM|
I'm going to throw my garbage down the chute in the compactor room now.
|by Anonymous||reply 349||Last Sunday at 3:21 PM|
|by Anonymous||reply 350||Last Sunday at 3:23 PM|
"I always flush my nail clippings. Somehow, I'm afraid that someone could use them to put a spell on me. (I'm not making this up.)"
I take my nail clippings and toss them into the garden, where, hopefully, they'll turn into compost and nourish the plants. I view this as the ultimate recycling.
Glad you're back R350. We missed you.
|by Anonymous||reply 351||Last Sunday at 4:09 PM|
I put cotton sheets on my bed yesterday, but now I hear we're in for another cold snap. I want to change, but that would mean removing two blankets and a comforter as well as the sheets.
|by Anonymous||reply 352||Last Sunday at 6:13 PM|
My feet stink. I should get in the tub but I'm watching bad tv and don't wan to stop.
|by Anonymous||reply 353||Last Sunday at 6:41 PM|
A cute boy stared at me when I was in line at the supermarket. He totally wants me.
|by Anonymous||reply 354||Last Sunday at 8:00 PM|
I just woke up and I have to pee. My place is cool and my bed is warm and I don’t want to get up.
|by Anonymous||reply 355||Last Monday at 3:15 AM|
^ I have a glass jar (with lid) under my bed for use in the night.
I don't follow Sarah Miles' philosophy so I rinse out the jar in the bathroom in the morning and let it drain in the yard.
When I'm rinsing I note that the hot liquid from my body has caused condensation under the lid of the jar and I wonder if this condensation liquid is "clean".
|by Anonymous||reply 356||Last Monday at 3:49 AM|
|by Anonymous||reply 357||Last Monday at 4:36 AM|
My Siberian Husky appropriated one of my unwashed tennis socks a couple of weeks ago and carries it around everywhere with her. She won't let me take it away from her and is very possessive of it. Of course I'm letting her keep it. I just can't understand what the attraction is. She's had plenty of opportunity to pilfer my clothing, socks, underwear, etc., but has never done it before. The sock is now getting kind of ratty looking, but she seems to love it.
|by Anonymous||reply 358||Last Monday at 9:51 AM|
|by Anonymous||reply 359||Last Monday at 10:02 AM|
r358, your Husky is a wicked practical joke-playing minx and I think I love her.
|by Anonymous||reply 360||Last Monday at 11:40 AM|
My cat walked across my laptop keyboard and somehow managed to invert images on my second monitor! I had no idea that could be done. Took me a couple minutes to figure out how to close the open windows (with the mouse, up was down, left was right) undo what he did. That would have been a funny call to the Help Desk.
|by Anonymous||reply 361||Last Wednesday at 10:04 AM|
R358 She is doing it for your smell. Same reason why dogs eat glasses, etc.
If it has the smell of their human on it they are all about it. Just happened to be your sock.
|by Anonymous||reply 362||Last Wednesday at 10:20 AM|
I just went to an AA meeting (non-dramatic...it's just part of my regular week.)
This (perhaps homeless ?) woman came in a bit late and was sitting a few seats away from me, coughing for most of it.
I left 5 minutes before the end, when we hold hands for the Serenity Prayer, because I don't want to get sick.
#WinnerToday : (
|by Anonymous||reply 363||12 hours ago|
[quote]R284 Maybe he was just a deep sleeper, [R283]
He was just taking Jennifer's Sleep Cure from VALLEY OF THE DOLLS. .
|by Anonymous||reply 364||12 hours ago|