Beach Rats (2017)

NYT:

Most stunning in the cast is Frankie Avalon, who returns to the beach once more but with devastating consequences. Playing an aged piano entertainer with a heart of gold, he follows a seedy Evan Peters to a secluded spot under the docks, where after a furtive financial transaction, Avalon sinks to his knees in the sand to perform fellatio on the errant beach boy. In a terrifying twist, Peters lolls his head back in ecstasy only to have one of the rats do a dock drop from its prehensile tail directly into his mouth. Avalon mistakes the ensuing convulsing and gasping for sexual excitement and the 76-year-old actor continues his fellation with even greater enthusiasm. When Peters' body finally goes limp against the wooden pier support, Avalon looks up with the most longing, loving gaze committed to celluloid since Lillian Gish in La Boheme, only to see a filthy grey rat emerge from the dead boy's mouth.

We never even find out the fate of Avalon's character. Instead, Roth leaves us only with that haunting visage - of blissful adoration turned in an instant to utter revulsion - the only continuity between the two faces being the presumably prosthetic penis still engorged in his mouth.

Tipping its hat to the rat horror classic Willard, Beach Rats features cameos by that film's stars Bruce Davison and Sondra Locke. Through digital wizardry similar to Peter Cushing's post-mortem appearance in Star Wars: Rogue One, Willard character actress Elsa Lanchester also appears, this time as a blowzy fag-hag with an inexplicable Cockney accent.

Your version is a 9/10. Why didn't they make this movie instead?

The Hollywood Reporter:

Tom Selleck and Sam Elliot are standouts as a mustachioed silver bear couple under siege by ravenous rats in a secluded cabana. When only one walks out alive, the screener audience's screams turned to anguished silence, leaving this reviewer wondering if a Best Supporting Actor nom might arise from the rat-gnawed bones littered in the sand.

Does the Christmas Mouse make a cameo appearance? It wouldn't surprise me if Eli Roth really was FOCM given their many eerie similarities.

Roth scored a major casting coup by luring Dame Olivia de Havilland out of retirement for Beach Rats. In her first foray into the animal-attack horror genre since The Swarm forty years ago, the esteemed 101-year-old actress plays the cantankerous Mrs. Wilkins, who, while pounding her cane upon the floor to summon her fey servant boy (pig bottom porn star Johnny Rapid in a deft performance) discovers that the rhythmic knocking soothes the angry rats into a meditative tranquility. She is thereafter left knocking the cane on her hardwood floor for the rest of the film, with Roth returning to her ensconced in a plush Lazy-Z-Boy recliner, pounding to exhaustion in a fight for her survival as the swaying rats teem in a circle around her. These extended, dialogue-free scenes are reminiscent of Andy Warhol's 1963 Blow Job, which tests the audience's patience, knowing that they cannot possibly look away. The shot setup is a cornucopia of references to the actress's career, including a highly visible single-person elevator in the background, an obvious reference to de Havilland's masterful performance as an equally desperate character from Lady in a Cage.

Bravo, OP.

I laughed until I developed a slight headache.

Hilar!

-8.9/10

Only funny at Trump rallies.

A Terrible Tale

^ Shades of Suddenly Last Summer, with rats in the place of cannibalistic beach boys.

FF r1, that fucking whore fooled me.

So many threads about this one movie!

R14 is the PR shill cunt bumping every single thread about this straight-made ripoff art-slasher flick. Boycott this crap, and block/ignore cunt R14.

Hilarious OP.

I want this made!

This is a joke right?

The world needs this movie

MM cunt trash.

You could see one of Sam Elliott’s balls slip out of his beach trunks while he was writhing under the swarm of rats.

Like Hitchcock with Tippi Hedren in The Birds, Roth insisted on live animals for the scene.

One of the Easter eggs on the dvd is a deleted scene where Tab Hunter, in his final screen performance, attempts to fend off a horde of rats by climbing into a hot tub and sliding the cover over himself, only to discover that the rats can swim in through the water pipe, and he’s eaten alive while submerged and gasping for air as he sees his own gnawed off body parts float up to the surface all around him.

I thought Bieber sued to have his scene cut from the film?

^ His father filed the suit on Bieber’s behalf, claiming the grisly rat-castration scene sullied the reputation not only of his son, but of the family jewels.

I’m glad they fired Cheyenne Jackson after one day’s shooting for being such a prima Donna and refusing to work with live rats. His replacement Rip Taylor was much more convincing in the role of Hibiscus anyway, and he got to use his own caftans.

But it was sad when he and BD Wong got eaten all we saw was there two skeletons still locked in desperate embrace.

Bieber sued to have his cunt cut from the film. fixed it for you

Will Muriel please ban this gay-bashing troll and lock him in his shit brick house?

Why aren’t we talking about Donald Trump’s love for swallowing Russian hooker pee?

In a vicious, new horror flick directed by Marcus Nispel called BEACH PIGS (2019), starring Trump, Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham, the three beer-gutted, inbred redneck brothers who raped Lindsey Graham and exposed his tiny cocklet, Dirtbag Preacher Robert Jeffress, Mike Huckabee, Benjamin Netanyahu, the Pope, the Mercers and all the Russian mobsters who keep Trump and the Mercers afloat, who all get devoured by werepigs on the beach until they devour each other.

The new Pope gives the surviving pigs asylum in the Vatican.