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Elder gays offer me your best wisdom about aging well

I am 52. I have found in the last few years that Bette Davis was right " Old age isn't for sissies". And I find that I look up to older people in my life, in their seventies and eighties, for advice. But I would like to hear what my peers think is good advice. We are always learning- or at least we should be.

by Anonymous reply 6204/15/2019

I would like to hear some too. I left home at an early age after my family threw me out for being who I am and never really had any mentors or anything.

Do you guys have any regrets?

by Anonymous reply 107/12/2017

Get out of debt as soon as you can. Don't bother with people or things you don't like. Let small slights slide. Get a pet.

by Anonymous reply 207/12/2017

Don't bother. Just stay at home with the shades down so young HAWT guys such as myself don't have to see you.

by Anonymous reply 307/12/2017

Quit smoking! I stopped young enough to avoid the lung issues, but the skin aging that happens form that1-2-3 sun, booze, alcohol hit a lot of us southern queens were exposed to can really do a number on your looks. 20 years of that shit will really affect your skin elasticity in your 50s.

by Anonymous reply 407/12/2017

Hunty, you are already an elderghey!

by Anonymous reply 507/12/2017

Frost your graying hair with buttery blond highlights, OP! It will improve your disposition and friends will tell you how you look 2 decades younger.

by Anonymous reply 607/12/2017

Surrounding yourself with younger, in-shape friends will make you look, act, and feel younger.

by Anonymous reply 707/12/2017

52? You're a poltergay at this point.

by Anonymous reply 807/12/2017

Always windex your anus

by Anonymous reply 907/12/2017

OP, the best advice I can give is to to follow the Golden Rule. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Be kind to anyone you encounter, and avoid being quick to judge. And be a good friend to yourself. Take care of your physical and mental health. Don't hold grudges, or make enemies. At my age, a clear conscience means a lot to me, and I'm grateful that most of the people I interact with actually enjoy talking with me. Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Rise above, darling, in every way. Be the best person you were always meant to be.

by Anonymous reply 1007/12/2017

Is R10 a nun? Nice words buy pretty impossible in acruel world with many assholes.

by Anonymous reply 1107/12/2017

Exfoliate as much as your facial flesh as you can everyday with the retinoid type lotions. Once you have wrinkles to a degree that you are bothered by them, you're too late. Also, have a no tolerance approach to age spots. Get everything removed. If your skin tone allows it, use blond hair color, but leave it on for less than recommended and don't put it on you sideburns in order to leave a touch of grey.

Another good thing to do is to find what C. Thomas Howell has done to take care of his appearance and then do the opposite. It's hard to believe that he's only 50. I'm five years older and don't have any of the grooves and grey that he has.

by Anonymous reply 1207/12/2017

Get injections of the blood of young guys.

by Anonymous reply 1307/12/2017

Caftans and Kleenex

by Anonymous reply 1407/12/2017

Find out all the free or reduced stuff you can get if you are 60 or older. In NYC that's a lot. Saving on those things helps in the long run.

by Anonymous reply 1507/12/2017

[quote] Get injections of the blood of young guys.

Inject young guys.

by Anonymous reply 1607/12/2017

99% of it is genetics and luck, enjoy yourself and don't do stupid shit (smoking and too much drinking and dangerous shit) and you will be as okay as you can be, unless you drew the short stick on the genetics end of things. Either way it is pretty much out of your hands.

by Anonymous reply 1707/12/2017

r12, you sound really deep.

by Anonymous reply 1807/12/2017

Be sure you have interests and hobbies before you retire. I know seniors who don't know what to do with themselves once they stop working. Films, reading, music, art, sports, traveling, museums, walking, cooking, etc. Have a daily routine of things you do and have a few friends and relatives you keep in touch with regularly.

by Anonymous reply 1907/12/2017

[quote] Surrounding yourself with younger, in-shape friends will make you look, act, and feel younger.

Really? I would think quite the opposite. Surrounding yourself with younger would just make you realize how old you are.

Actually I would think if you hung out with people much older than you then you would feel younger.

by Anonymous reply 2007/12/2017

Don't try to disguise hair loss with any products or by growing it longer. Don't grow a beard. It adds at least ten years, plus your whiskers get coarser with age, adding to that Duck Dynasty factor. Also trim your nose and ear hair, and police your eyebrows, which can go Andy Rooney on you without you noticing. Don't try to dress young or trendy. You're a man, men's clothes are timeless. Stay in decent shape, and be vigilant about your posture. Nothing says Old Man like stooping.

by Anonymous reply 2107/12/2017

The older you get, you MUST have a purpose. Something to get up for. A passion. A goal. Or an understanding of the reason you are here. And why you can't die until your purpose is served. Which you, of course, are making up. Or if you believe in some sort of god or higher power or intelligent design. The unexamined life is not worth living. THIS will keep you young forever.

If you are just taking up space, thinking about how old you are and how you are not sexually attractive (which men and women can be at ANY age but the ageist younger gays who are terrified of aging will tell you you are already dead) or how you feel "invisible" or any of that stuff? Self pity is dullsville, man. No one, young OR old[er] wants to hang with a bitter, angry, resentful, scared and toxic gay man. You get back what you give out. We do create our own reality in some ways, probably mostly subconsciously. Life is lived from the inside out.

IGNORE GAY SUBCULTURE'S TOXIC "rules." YOU MAKE UP THE RULES.

"Age is just a number" is only true if you do the legwork. If you are taking care of yourself and have resources such as money, health care and emotional support from friends. You can be young and poor but not old and poor. It's too hard. It's easy to SAY that life can be fabulous and wonderful and fulfilling when we are old gay men but that is only with resources.

LAUGH a lot and have a sense of humor. Everybody poops and everybody dies. And all those gorgeous young men you wish would look your way? No matter how attractive someone is, somebody somewhere is sick of their shit.

by Anonymous reply 2207/12/2017

Attitude is everything. I'll soon be 65. Here's what works for me: I accept that I am no longer young. I had my glory days and know that I had my share of sex, compliments on my appearance, etc. I will make a fool of myself if I try to recapture those moments. I don't give a damn what young people think about much of anything, least of all me. I take care of my health. Life is a conveyor belt and we're on it until we drop off and die. Harboring regret or bitterness is futile. I remind myself that I did the best that I could at that stage of my development.

by Anonymous reply 2307/12/2017

I think R10 states great, inspiring goals which are directed at gaining some real inner peace. Admittedly, they may be hard to achieve when you are surrounded by self-absorbed and truly nasty people all the time. Still, I have copied that post an may try to follow it more.

by Anonymous reply 2407/12/2017

Moisturize daily

Exercise a little bit every day (take a walk, do some squats. Something. Every day).

Don't smoke tobacco or drink too much

Eat reasonably

Have good, loving sex every once in a while

by Anonymous reply 2507/12/2017

Avoid negative people like the plague. They will drain you and their bitterness will be contagious.

by Anonymous reply 2607/12/2017

I tried living by trite platitudes about purpose, meaning, and being kind to myself and others, but I found that only stewing in misanthropy, bitterness, and a ton of narcotics gets me through each day. I do still exercise a lot though, because nothing sucks more than feeling your body breaking down on you.

by Anonymous reply 2707/12/2017

Mmmmmm. Misanthropic stew. A datalounge favorite....

by Anonymous reply 2807/12/2017

R11, No, not a nun.

R24, Thanks. I look forward to your wisdom, honestly.

I've gone through a terrible mourning period, and some real depression. I accept that we all die, and we all have a high point, and probably several low points.

I hired two different men to cut my grass, and both of them ended up cheating me. The guy I now have is respectable, and does a good job, and I'm happy to pay him. In the meantime, am I going to harbor a resentment towards the two guys who ripped me off? No, because I already spent the money, foolishly (on my part). I could probably take them to Small Claims court, and end up spending more money going after them than I lose. I just chalk it up to a lesson learned. I absolutely refuse to sit around seething over a bad deal, in which I was complicit. Learn to live from your own life.

by Anonymous reply 2907/12/2017

Find your soulmate. Preferably in Palm Springs.

by Anonymous reply 3007/12/2017

Plastic surgery hon

by Anonymous reply 3107/12/2017

don't smoke, drink moderately, eat well but healthy

exercise regularly, and if you can afford it, get a personal trainer

moisturize and exfioliate

cultivate outside interest and maintain a circle of friends

sign up for "silver daddies" you will be amazed at the number of younger men who want to have sex with us

by Anonymous reply 3207/12/2017

Make sure you get good quality sleep. Some of you may need a c-pap machine at night. I did and I fee great when I get up.

by Anonymous reply 3307/12/2017

I know people in their 40's who are old. It's all about your mind, your attitude. When you stop learning and growing you are "old." No one wants to feel discarded. But to stay viable you have to work at it. Number one: Take care of yourself. You may not be able to do everything you want, but you must try to do all that you can. That means adopt good habits. Don't smoke. Don't over indulge in alcohol. Eat foods that are good for you. Exercise. Exercise. exercise. Stay active. Volunteer. Hospitals and libraries welcome volunteers. Challenge yourself mentally. Get a part time job. Take a class. Stay opening minded. It's OK to be afraid but don't act out of fear. By that I mean don't be afraid to try something new or different. Be social. It gets more difficult as people get older. They often tend to self isolate. That's especially true when they retire. Find a group activity . If you can't then at least get out of your house three or four times a week and go to the mall or the store or somewhere, the library, and find someone to talk to. Social engagement is critical to mental alertness. Take vitamins. Spend time out doors. That's about it.

by Anonymous reply 3407/12/2017

I'm a lesbian, 39. I met a young gay the other day, and at some point he mentioned his age - 25 - which he felt was so old! How to tell him it's not. It's all about attitude, and like the previous poster said, keep learning, do new things, stay active, engage with other people. Meet new people. Go outside as much as you can.

by Anonymous reply 3507/13/2017

But use good sunblock.

by Anonymous reply 3607/13/2017

Get some exercize (not running) eat right. Don't gain weight, use your brain. Everything they tell you to do. Unfortunately THEY are right.

by Anonymous reply 3707/13/2017

Agree "mental attitude is everything." Carve your own path. What interests you. Your passion.

Exercise a lot. You will find the exercise "fatigue" a mental and physical balm draining negative energy out of your life and conducive to soothing, restful sleep.

Personally, I've cut out dairy, red meat and processed food. I cook from scratch.

Following up on another poster, avoid negative people. They are always on the same track of proving they're right and everyone else is wrong or deluded.

Retain an optimistic outlook. It reflects in so many ways or aspects of your day to day decisions.

Stay curious.

by Anonymous reply 3807/13/2017

I agree with stay curious. It really helps keep your mind sharp

by Anonymous reply 3907/13/2017

Do the Jumble word puzzle daily. It keeps your dimn pasrh!

by Anonymous reply 4007/13/2017

Stay away from those cheeseburgers

by Anonymous reply 4107/13/2017
by Anonymous reply 4207/13/2017

Elder Gay here.

Don't make the same mistake I did in 2016 by voting the Democratic presidential nomination to Hillary Clinton.

Next time, given the choice, vote for the actual progressive (as I should have done so with Bernie Sanders).

by Anonymous reply 4307/13/2017

If you want to keep your dewy youthful glow as long as possible, just stay out of the sun!

I have four female cousins around the same age, late fifties, who share healthy habits as well as a common gene pool. Two have spent the last 30 years working in the sun, and the others worked indoors and used sunblock when they went out. The gals who've been out in the sun look a solid 20 years older than their sun-avoiding cohort.

by Anonymous reply 4407/14/2017

drink lots of water

by Anonymous reply 4507/14/2017

I would add take a good multi-vitamin.

by Anonymous reply 4607/14/2017

Eat half the food you did when you were 26.

by Anonymous reply 4707/14/2017

What a refreshing thread. Well done people!

by Anonymous reply 4807/14/2017

I am the same age as OP. Still look a good 10 years younger. That being said been in a relationship for 25 years so not on the market.

Eat better - stop with the prepared foods that are loaded with salt and sugar. Fresh fruits and vegetables are good for you.

by Anonymous reply 4907/14/2017

Hat's and gloves to block the sun.

by Anonymous reply 5007/14/2017

Allow your tricks to cum on your face, rub it in, rinse it off in the morning. You'll be astonished at how luminous your skin will look and feel. This is also effective in evening out your skin tone. A mild bleaching.

by Anonymous reply 5107/14/2017

UGH- another queens quoting Bette Davis about aging not being for sissies. My father went into the office 5 days a week up till the age of 91. The cartilage in his hip is gone and he now uses a walker.

by Anonymous reply 5204/14/2019

OP: I'm two years older than you. One day at a bus depot a guy and I got to talking. When he told me his age was same as mine I almost passed out. He looked like he'd been ridden down a hard road. Me, I'm just going a little gray now. But get this still have a full head of hair and a hairy body to boot.

by Anonymous reply 5304/14/2019

It’s all the stuff that has been said for years. Wear sunscreen. Don’t smoke which I think is huge. Drink in moderation. And exercise. I’m 55 and I look 40. Not that complicated really.

by Anonymous reply 5404/14/2019

Having good skin doesn't come from just not smoking, not drinking and staying out of the sun. It also comes from having a diet that's high in fruits and vegetables.

by Anonymous reply 5504/14/2019

Plan your retirement. Not just saving a bit here and there and counting on social security.

I mean *plan*. Start thinking about where you want to live so you have a quality of life. Start putting together a list of things you hate and love, like weather, activities. When you’re at your happiest, is it in a city, the beach, the mountains, the desert?

If you don’t know - start planning trips to various places and find out what you hate. It’s easy to take stuff you hate off your list of potential retirement locations. The idea is to start building a “short list” of where you actually like being, where you can comfortably afford and has a style of living with interests that appeal to you.

Then you can start looking forward to it. That’s part of retirement planning.

by Anonymous reply 5604/14/2019

I'm 67 and have been lucky that I have been pretty disciplined about taking care of myself physically and mentally. I'm getting ready to retire and feel I'm in a really good place in my life. The advice I would give anybody in their 40's or 50's:

Get a workout routine and stick to it. Weight gained in middle age is really difficult to shed as you age. Plus is makes you look and feel older.

Sunscreen and moisturize every day.

Get an age-appropriate haircut. Don't dye your hair. Ask your barber to keep your eyebrows trimmed and every other day check for nose and ear hair.

Despite how stylish you think you are, make sure your wardrobe is age appropriate and make sure your clothes are tailored to compliment your body and age. Go through your ties and discard anything too wide or too narrow. Pay attention to your choice of footwear.

If you wear glasses and haven't gotten new frames in the last few years, check out new styles. Ask a friend whose taste you respect to go with you and ask them to suggest some frames.

Attitude - don't become a bitchy know-it-all. If you're lucky enough to have a younger group of friends or younger co-workers, don't be "that old guy" who is always talking about the way things were, or bitching about how things are now compared to when you ... (fill in the blank). Stay informed and current. Be openminded.

If you're in your 50's, hopefully you already have a solid retirement plan. Hire a fee-based financial advisor to ensure you're on track and make any necessary course corrections. If you're carrying debt other than perhaps a mortgage, have a sound plan to eliminate that debt over the next ten years.

If you're not already, get involved in some type of outside social activity. As people age, their social network shrinks, especially in your 50's and 60's. It's important to take steps to counter that.

by Anonymous reply 5704/14/2019

Lots of flying also wreaks havoc on the skin.

by Anonymous reply 5804/14/2019

Excellent advice, R57. You wouldn't happen to have any more that would apply for a small business owner, would you? Either way, thanks!

by Anonymous reply 5904/14/2019

R59, I have never been a small business owner but I can share a story about a friend. He owned a small business and for many years did well. He was never the type to stay on top of technology and didn't realize the impact the internet was going to have on his tried-and-true business model. He didn't know what he didn't know.

In his late 50's he personally guaranteed a longterm lease for his business by putting up his home as collateral, and he used his personal savings to meet payroll and get him over multiple "slow spells". Ultimately his business failed and the landlord and his creditors sued. He lost everything and had to declare bankruptcy. I'm not sure what the lesson is here, except to weigh your risks as an older small business owner. Had my friend taken those risks in his 30's or 40's, he may have had enough time to start over, but not in his late 50's.

Good luck to you!

R57

by Anonymous reply 6004/15/2019

[quote] 99% of it is genetics and luck, enjoy yourself and don't do stupid shit (smoking and too much drinking and dangerous shit) and you will be as okay as you can be, unless you drew the short stick on the genetics end of things. Either way it is pretty much out of your hands.

R17' truth just needed repeating.

by Anonymous reply 6104/15/2019

I'm sorry to hear that, about your friend, R57/R60. I will keep what you said, in mind. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

by Anonymous reply 6204/15/2019
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