Memorable lines by Golden Girls guest characters.

Oh yeah, you're the one with nothing going on in your bedroom.

"I don't think I could drink that much saki!"

"You're a music lover, so you must have a big behind." --Blanche's blind boyfriend

I'm Yvonne and this is it! Whoo!

Would I give up the clowns for you? No…

Would I give up the fat lady for you? No…

"They're called Langenhürlen!" --Rose (furious)

My friends and I repeat that one all the time.

"LEBANESE, Blanche, LEBANESE!"

R6 and R7 seem to have reading comprehension issues.

Rose, I'm…quite fond of you.

I never got The Golden Girls. When I was young I found them depressing and I thought that will be me; an old queen living with mom and her friends. I just never got why gays were so into the show. My b/f (we are both in our late 40's ) LOVES them and laughs hysterically at the one liners. I just sit there and roll my eyes or put my earplugs in.

Maybe [italic]Fuller House[/italic] is more your style, R10.

[quote] an old queen living

In 1985, the goal for many gay men was just to be able to live that long in the first place.

Kiss My Grits

I'm havin' this baby in a birthin' center.

For one hundred dollars, complete this famous phrase: "Better late than... "

Pregnant!

"And then you threw your underwear at me, didn't you , love?"

It's like every man here just wants to sleep with me. Even the Rabbi with the limp!

The toilets haven't been getting the attention they deserve.

I've decided not to ask for a bicycle anymore. I've decided cash is better. That way I can by exactly what I want

Well, excuse me for living, Anita Bryant!

If I wanted this kind of abuse, I would direct [italic]The Roseanne Barr Show[/italic].

"My papers are in order!!!"

Hey, take it easy lady! You just get out of prison?

I am the newest citizen of Miami. If anyone wants to reach me, my name is Dave.

"If you say something smart, I'll slap you silly."

Face it, ladies, there just AREN'T enough johns!

"I was just having the most delightful conversation with Rose and Madge."

"You can help me change."

"We don't believe in labels."

I'll go first!

A Tierra?!

"Shut up, Louis!"

The wife of the doctor who tells Dorothy to consider dying her hair to snap out of her depression.

Fire scares me. It scares me a lot!

To a bad guy. It's okay to lie to a bad guy.

"I miss Sexy Grandma!"

"Hey, take it easy lady! You just get out of prison?"

The drugstore clerk to Dorothy when she yells "Condoms, Rose! Condoms! Condoms! Condoms!"

Blanche = a human luge

What does a six-foot-seven-inch, American-a basketball player got-a that I don't?

What is this, [italic]The Oprah Winfrey Show[/italic]?

[quote]Blanche = a human luge

Shady Pines, Ma.

I didn't mean to ruffle your feathers, chief.

Which ones the slut?

That dumbass driver went the wrong way and you know it!

You can call me Enr-r-r-rique.

Yes, Mrs. Cleaver.

Hi, it's me, Stan.

When I was a kid, do you know who the only role models for Hispanics were on TV? Zorro and Ricky Ricardo: a gay caballero and a guy who can't tell his own wife in a disguise.

And? And what? I turned her over to secret police. No more to tell.

[quote]... a gay caballero and a guy who can't tell his own wife in a fake mustache.

FTFY

A Ha-Ha dog is fun to eat,

A Ha-Ha dog just can't be beat,

A Ha-Ha dog is a special treat…

And it's only $1.79 without a beverage!

Aww, screw 'em! What are they gonna do - phone?

Mammy Watkins: "We were lovers, Blanche!"

Jo Mama!

In the eyes of the church, you don't exist.

I'm p.o.'d

Can Ella shatter glass?

Save it, Sister Suckup.

In your own words, Mrs. Petrillo...the words of a beautiful, dignified person who's got a wild bod for a chick her age...what kind of person IS your daughter?

Oh, no "Mr.," just "Toto." You're Dorothy, and I'm Toto. At least for the next eight dollars.

Sooner or later, you are going to die. Unless, of course, the Japanese come up with something.

[quote]That way I can by exactly what I want

I guess she's going to use the cash to ask Pat if she can buy a "U"

I was never a big shot nuthin'.

I want you back, Stick Man.

I'm fat, mama.

"Gutman??"

Are you here for the methadone program?

R37 see R24

Would you mind telling her that Loverboy is here?

Woof

It's a bosun's knot all right!

Why don't you BOTH shut up, and answer this next question!

Trying to do it yourself was...cute, but now it's time to let a man take over.

Maybe some other time Blanche

"I didn't want to be seen."

No, actually, that would make him a dork.

Aunt Blanche, you always said, if you’ve got a stallion eating oats out of your hand, best close the gate before you give him the sugar.

May your marinara sauce never cling to your pasta!

Oh go blow it out your turbinverbils!

You remind me of my mother.

"Kill Gonzalez!"

"You think i wanna gargle next to grandma moses and the mozettes"

To get the danish!

"YOU are a vixen!"

Oh, dear, R79.

But hath not a Cuban eyes? Hath not a Cuban hands? Organs? Dimensions? Senses? Affections? Passions? Fed with the same food? Hurt with the same weapons? Subject to the same diseases? Healed by the same means? Warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer as you are? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die?

TOJO MAMA!

When the Great Communicator talked about a shining city on a hill, did he say anything about three million homeless people in it?

This is not the Copacobana!

You know, someday doctor Budd, you're going to be on the other side of the table, and as angry as I am and as ANGRY as I always will be, I still wish you a better doctor than you were to me.

Some of the people here are really bad with directions.

I was the inspiration for Potsie on [italic]Happy Days[/italic].

"Concrete's cleaner!"

"I remember our one date when I told you that I didn't like girls, and you told everyone. Everyone. Well guess what. I still don't like girls, and I don't like you."

"Oh no, just continue with your little sing-a-long."

I'll trade all of my memories for a quickie.

You got yourself mixed up with a real hustler.

"I got in just under the wire!"

This painting no more resembles Monet than any of you resemble a beauty queen. And now, you will waste no more of my time!

"I'm sorry ladies, I thought you already knew."

-Pablo, the gay sculptor

^ That's "Lazlo!"

R97 It was Meshach Taylor.

"In the garage!"

Carol: Oh my god...you're DAN and MOROTHY!

"Richie": Carol, this is a different Dan and Morothy.

Carol: You mean these aren't the two nuts that couldn't stop seeing each other? Dan: a sex crazed knudnik with occasional performance problems, and Morothy, a domineering tyrant who totally emasculated him?

Claude Livaday

It's like trying to eat one potato chip.

Petrillo? They let Italians live here?

[quote]Rebecca's Fatherless Spawn

Uh, no that was me. I couldn't talk yet, so I don't have any memorable lines.

Hello, I'm Patrick Vaughn.

And to all those ladies who think I don't have feelings, I cry, too.

You know what happens when a nurse is late? PEOPLE DIE.

It's the Bride of Frankenstein!

I can't marry you because you're not Jewish.

I'd do anything for Doug. And he'd bend over backwards for me.

There's nothing wrong with being career-oriented.

I guess even he had his standards.

You don't look like Angie Dickinson.

To me, R117. You don't look like Angie Dickinson to me.

Oh, that's right. The Cosby Show

The moon is hanging awful low in the sky tonight, isn't it, Busty?

You Italians have got some temper.

I put three in the ground. Well, what can I tell you? I like 'em old, rich and barely breathing.

[quote]"I miss Sexy Grandma!" —Janet's Daughter

I'm sure a lot of people do. I'm sure a LOT of people do.

r73

No, Trump said that to Hillary

I have lived eighty, eighty-one years, I survived two world wars, pneumonia, a stroke and two operations. One night I'll belch and Stable Mable here will blow my head off!

Mr. Griffin hates it when people kiss up to him. Isn't that right, your excellency? Just for that, no parting gifts!

"Excuse me, ladies, we always dress for dinner here. And in your case, we'd appreciate it if you'd do that for all three meals."

Mr. Allen: It’s not every day a man comes home at lunch to find his best friend in bed with his wife.” Dorothy: Oh, I’m so sorry. That must have been quite a shock.” Mr. Allen: It was. Arthur’s never come home at lunch before. He caught me red-handed.”

"With my binoculars, I have a terrific view in your bedroom window. I think some of the stuff you do is illegal. I'm looking into it."

"Frieda Claxton? Didn’t she own that old house on Richmond Street?'

I never should have tried that Beatle medley.

St. Olaf?

I want you to be there when I kill myself.

Way to darken the mood, r133!

Well, gee, I would have, but I didn't know myself until a few moments ago. Ha-ha!

Martha Lamont was a selfish slut. Sophia should have thrown a toaster inher bath. Asshole.

I was in the party scene in [italic]Breakfast at Tiffany's[/italic]. Audrey Hepburn spilled her drink on me, but it was cut.

He's even started to refer to my husband as that dumb botchagaloop.

Hey Grandma, I found this real good pizza, just like you used to get in Sicily.

R132 South side?

Oh, she leaves the convent in the end.

Happy birthday, Dorothy!

I'm gay, Blance.

Andy!

I just came by to give my favorite girl a kiss...and to pick up my laundry.

We don't believe in labels.

It's a pleasure to be here.

Is better with my brother.

I'll get up in the mooornin'.... And still be singin' mah song!

Just a few more injections and I can sing just like Barbara Mandrell!

There weren't any seats so I just sat AT Becky.

R125 Get with the program.

"You're 'Pussycat', too?"

The old lady next door is running through a sprinkler in her underwear!

You're little Dorothy Petrillo...You haven't changed a bit! Same gorgeous smile, pretty eyes, beautiful figure, long golden blonde hair...

Well, excuse me for living, Anita Bryant!

"I've been doing him all week!"

That was the worst night. I ever spent in bed with a woman in my life.

We named it!

CLUCK!

Oink snort!

How do you do? I'm Millicent Kennedy, Gerald's mother. I'm looking for the cheap Jezebel who's ruining my Gerald's life!

I like Slurpee!

Mrs. Zbornak can eat shit...

My wife doesn't understand me.

You're gooood.

Cashier: JOE, I NEED A PRICE CHECK ON SOME CONDOMS! THESE THREE LADIES HERE WANT A COUPLE OF BOXES OF THE KING GEORGE PROPHYLACTICS.

Joe: THE LAMBSKINS OR THE ULTRA-SENSITIVE?

Cashier: TWO OF THEM HAVE THE LAMBSKINS, AND THE BLONDE HAS THE ULTRA-SENSITIVE...IN BLACK.

I'm the guy that shaves everybody.

Joe: LAMBSKINS ARE $12.95...THE BLACK'S A DOLLAR EXTRA.

I'm hoping it's Ms... I've already got that box checked on this form.

He's also the best LOVER I have ever had.

Not enough room for a goat.

You're talking about the drink. I'm talking about the bartender.

Flintstone, not Flinstein

Why, that would be...un southern...

I haven't been out of this apartment in twenty years.

Heyyyyyy, you cant smell that from here!

I want to buy some of that bikini underwear!

I thought Virginia was the slut

Dorosee

R177 Seriously?

R175 Didn't Blanche say that?

Stop whining you tranny bitch.

Before I go, can I make one last plea for your heart?

Of course you remember me. Lyle Waggoner.

R183, you *dismissed* me.

You must be Tommy's boy. How does the team look this year?

"With my binoculars, I have a terrific view in your bedroom window. I think some of the stuff you do is illegal. I'm looking into it."

Dude, you missed the even funnier line she says after Dorothy introduces herself:

DS: "I'm Dorothy, Blanche's roommate."

FC: "Oh, you're the one with NOTHING going on in your bedroom."

R182 Yes, she did. About Dr Jonathan Newman, shrimp.

Look, if I wanted this kind of abuse, I'd be directing The Roseanne Barr Show.

R189 Then it doesn't belong in this thread, moron. READ THE TITLE.

Okay, Mrs. Pe-hawkins

This is more moving than Susan Hayward's climactic speech in [italic]I Want to Live![/italic]

You're Dorothy and I'm Toto.

Bushman awaits!

Which one's the slut?

Honey, it's just a phase! Ever since Diana Ross started marrying white men, everyone's gotta have one!

Dorothy, if I were you, I would put the cake down. You see, Mr. Music's brother is Mr. Lawyer.

I'm afraid I popped your bosom!

What he was was a good man, Sophia!

Brings back fond memories. My mother used to have one just like it.

I think my girlfriend's about to blab.

"Rose, you know what round-trip bus tickets to Paris, Texas cost?"

It's me Stan

"You can all just kiss my attitude!"

Sonny, "How many gold records do you have?" Lyle , "None. I was never married."

Do you know what would happen to me if the other inmates found out how much I love to dance?

I drew a little man. Is this him?

I meant to read Tale of Two Cities, but I've been really busy with ball.

Johnny Gilbert: And finally, our four-time defending champion with $92,000 attempting today to set an all-time [italic]Jeopardy![/italic] earnings record, television associate producer Rose Nylund.

Dorothy: Four-day champion? How? This woman is an idiot!

Johnny Gilbert: Oh, really? She didn't get knocked up in high school!

Our research shows that the Japanese actually HATE rice. But the only thing they hate more is burning their fingers on baked potatoes.

Gosh, I hate being small!

I love you R47.

You mean I shaved-ah mah shoulders for nuthin'?

She took one look at my clothes, and my attitude, and said I wasn't good enough for her little girl.

Oh right, you get the Edgar Allen Po-tatoes

-Waiter to Dorothy and Barbara Thorndyke

R188 meet R1.

Blanche, I think a conservative ensemble would be best.

Here's my home number. You'll call it, if you know what I mean.

Wow-wee-wow-wow-wow!

She's pretty uptight. I'm going to have fun teasing her tonight.

I do

Did you know that Gerald is afraid of clowns? And that he can't go to the bathroom, except at home?

And remember, wherever there's news, I'll be here.

But where will we find an adult with the childlike naivete to play Henny Penny?

He taught me how to carve a pistol out of soap.

Because when an 88 year old man marries a 22 year old girl, he likes to know what she's up to.

Just a few more injections and I can sing just like Barbara Mandrell!

OOOMF-TAH!

Why tell her?

Look Rose, you're a sweet person, but we're all just roommates here.

I'm just burnin' doin' the neutron dance!

We sure had some wild times, didn't we Rose?

If you don't mind Al, I'd like to take that one down.

"Stephanie."

I Do.

"It's P-Feiffer. The "P" is NOT silent.

I don't know this place!

I make offer now.

I'm the biggest slut.

^ Guest characters only!

You shrunk!

I'm P.O.'ed!

Get real Grandma!

One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you!

Dorthy just called Merv Griffin the Anti-Trump, she was so ahead of her time.

R246 = Moron.

It's time, Rose!

Being a middle school vice principal isn't as glamorous as you might think.

Oh? I'm not getting a clear picture on that one.

"The Lambskin's a dollar extra."

Sounds like cable.

When the revolution comes...!

Big pots belong on the back burner

You mean you all or not related?

Charlie Horse!

Oh...Tang!

And then you threw your underwear at me, didn't you , love?

I guess even he had his standards.

He's been seeing ME.

Might this be the home of the Widow Petrillo?

"We have a who and a how and a HA!"

Couldn't I just run toward you yelling "moo?"

I don't have that much experience vith vimen.

He's not a betsy-wetsy, he's not a rubber ball

At the moment I'm pretty heavily involved with 122.

It's not a novelty, it's a Zbornie

Calling doctor Freud.

It's better vit my brother

Sophie to Dorothy

"You are the only person I know who got a refund for call waiting"

Rose - This highly irregular

Dorothy - Try prune juice

^ Guest characters only!

"What's wrong with Miss Dorothy Zbornak?"

She's never seen me in clerics clothing.

R270 R271=Trump voters

I asked for a rose, he thought I said "nose"

Hello, Mother Dorothy.

Honey you think you're confused? Take a look at our horn section.

I'm black.

She put me in a home.

^^ oops.

"The Artwork of Adolf Hitler"

I'm getting impregnated on Monday

This isn't the Orange Bowl, is it.

Oink!

And now, Huey Lewis and The News!

Nobody ever listens to me.

That tramp murdered my lover!

Southside?

Tuesday night I'm getting together with a couple of buddies and we're going through Don Johnson's trash

"I don't want him coming around here. He's a yutz."

All of these are from the same episode:

You wanna see some geography lady, I'll show you some geography! - Kolak --------------------- Bar patron: Who is that nut? Bartender: I don't know. Mr. Terrific usually comes in alone. --------------------- Mr. Policeman (following Blanche to the bedroom with his handcuffs): "You know what's funny? I was supposed to be Mr. Mailman today."

Bar patron: Who is that nut?

Bartender: I don't know. Mr. Terrific usually comes in alone.

Mr. Policeman (following Blanche to the bedroom with his handcuffs): "You know what's funny? I was supposed to be Mr. Mailman today."

I saw violence. I saw despair. I saw Johnny Cash eight times.

Today: Women who live together—does society make it tougher? We'll find out when we talk to [bold]FOUR LESBIANS,[/bold] today on [italic]Wake Up, Miami![/italic]

Everyone, may I have your attention, please? This is Sophia Petrillo, the girl who stood me up at the altar 70 years ago. And I just asked her to be my wife again, and again she said 'no'. And so, from now on, I'm gay.

I take out the garbage.

And I'm the little homemaker.

OMG. DO NOT provide quotes from Dorothy, Blanche, Rose or Sophia. Instead, provide quotes from GUEST STARS. WHY IS THAT SO HARD!????

"Peckawood."

R300 Sorry, I just got so excited thinking about Dorothy and Blanche being lesbians.

My daughter's dead.

"Aahhhh fugetaboutit."

"We English love dogs. It's children we hate."

Face it Morothy, Blanche and Rose are lesbians

"They're sending me back."

"I'd rather date you, lady."

Vowww...

"Is it BAD news?!"

What am I supposed to do? Sit around here and listen to your arteries harden?

I still have my dignity and self respect. And my monkey.

The last episode was the highest rated ever.

My wife doesn't understand me.

You're the one with nothing going on in your bedroom.

I want you back, Stickman.

"Like a mouse."

How 'bout YOU, cutie?

You were friends with every animal on the farm.

He dumped you. And you're getting revenge by telling me.

Why do you have to step on any kind of tender moment?

[quote]May your shampoo get mixed up with Preparation H and shrink your head to the size of a mushroom!

Angie Dickinson is hot.

We get ridd'a termites.

Aaaaaaah! Awwwww! Aaaaaaaaahhhaaa!

It's a maple syrup brown sugar molasses Rice Krispy log!

"You slept with the sheriff?!"

R325 good one

"Kreplach."

Dorothy: Blanche, why are you such a fucking slut? Blanche: Because it's the right thing to do and a tasty way to do it.

R330 Get with the program, moron.

R331, suck my hole!

"That’s the smallest dressing room I’ve ever had in my life!"

“Wow! How do you lift this baby up?”

Johnny No-Thumbs sent us.

Isn't the correct name now Barbara Thornlesbian?

r336 is Jewish, isn't he?

"It's the dress, isnt it."

When Sofia says "Look what happened to your washing machine."

"It's a small woooorld aaaaafter alllll."

"You were such a lovely girl."

Cut the crap, Paisan.

[To Dorothy]: We don't think anyone would root for you.

Sophia, you can come now. There's room for you, now.

You must leave this house at once, it is possessed by an evil spirit.

Madame Zelda: Move in this house and you'll die an agonizing death.

The look on Dorothy's face is priceless.

[quote]Paul Rodriguez (whatever happened to him?)

[italic]AKA Pablo[/italic], that's what happened.

I'm impotent.

Rose, you're so much more attractive than most of the women I come in contact with.

Boy, have I missed YOU!

"if anyone sees a large bolt, it came off the beverage cart. yes, that's it the beverage cart!"

"I know. that's why I want it!" (RE: $75 which is "a lot of money")

I'm so ashamed of you, mother.

Dorothy, you have the nicest eyes…and a quarter in your ear!

Woof!

I know if I had a problem I'd want to confide in someone like me.

Presto!

[quote]Look, if I wanted this kind of abuse, I'd be directing The Roseanne Barr Show. —Sy, Slice of Sicily commercial director

That's rich considering that was Jay Thomas saying that.

rose on a job interview for reviewing products: "I'm the picture of a battered consumer, i drive a gremlin for chrissakes!"

f&f R359

you have failed.

Learn. To. Fucking. Read.

On the OP's headline it says quite clearly:

[quote]Memorable lines by Golden Girls guest characters.

What part of this do you not understand? How could this be any simpler?

Calm down Mrs. Claxton at r361.

"Yoouu dirty rat."

I'm going back to Christina!

But we don't like Christina, remember?

That gentleman just peed in the ocean.

You managed to piddle away Daddy's life savings? I'm ashamed of you, mother!

When Dorothy says "Well start 'splainin'"

^ No prune danish for you. GUEST CHARACTERS ONLY!

I'm the cheeseman

You musn't talk about Sarah that way. She's not my sister. She's my wife!

Does the mean lookin' white woman I just passed, live here?

Blanche Marie Hollingsworth, sit down!

And Bert Convy shops at my grocery store.

R374 did someone on DL really try to make us believe he wasn't Jewish?

And most importantly, a sports training bra to minimize jiggle and bounce.

Paris? Australia? Where will the Facts of Life go next?

I have quite a few Janet Gaynors in frames around my house.

I often wonder why (Charlie) put up with a wise guy like me, from the backstreets of Boston.

Dorothy, I'm getting tired of dating your mother.

Dorothy, are you a lesbian?

Rose, I'm blind, I'm your responsibility now.

Blanche if you don't give me your kidney you're nothing but a murderer

Morothy, you haven't got a real illness, stop cluttering up my practice with your disease of the week.

"Then cut the crap, paisan!"

^ That was already quoted upthread.

I never understood Carrot Raisin Salad.

I am gym shoe.

Jer-may!"

Now if you'll excuse me. I must change into my third linen suit of the day.

you will too lick my pussy if i get horny!

Welcome aboard!

Don't explain, Rose. I used to live with a couple of bitches myself.

Look, Coach. You said if I was nice to her she'd roll over. I'm outta here. If you wanna win that game on Friday it's up to you!

I'm friends with Debra Engle, who was the second actress to play Rebecca. However, I was never a huge fan of the show.

I'm a butt man.

You don't look like Angie Dickinson to me.

Dumplin'!

My mother's a lawyer. Threaten me again and I'll own your house.

Mrs. Petrillo, where were you on the night of September 4th, 1985?

Don't take any woodwn nickels.

It’s the same Southern pride that kept me from becoming a dancer.

It's good to be mayor.

Rose Nylund, I'd know you anywhere!

Heidi Ho!

^... wears a mini-dress in court.

Ohhh...it does look a little like John Forsythe (naked in a pool of honey), doesn't it.

Adios, Teach.

Blanche to herself: “ And to think I could have been Mrs. Andy Rooney.”

Blanche to Dorothy: “Strictly between us, Dirk is nearly five years younger than me.”

Dorothy to Blanche: “In what Blanche, dog years?”

Rose when touring a birthing center: “This place makes me want to run out and get pregnant.”

Dorothy to Sophia: “Did you sleep with Fernando?” Sophia: “A little.”

Sophia to Dorothy: “Jealous is an ugly thing, Dorothy and so are you in anything backless.”

GUEST CHARACTERS ONLY!!!!

Make it $150. Each.

Amd thank YOU for takin' care of dat Shell-lee Long! I'm tired of dat thin, uppity white woman, too.

[quote]Don't explain, Rose. I used to live with a couple of bitches myself.

Guest character line? Like "hootenanny", this one is marginal. But I'll accept it - unlike "salami".

"May the bags under your eyes get so big that your head falls into them!"

I want to see Tequila Sunrise. I hear Mel Gibson takes his shirt off a lot.

R414 Angela was so annoying and not funny. I think the producers really thought they had a coup by bringing Nancy Walker in but those were some of the weakest episodes of the time.

While Angela wasn't funny. That little fight with putting curses on each other was funny.

The air is free. Might as well have a big honker and suck up as muh as you can!

This. Ain't. Cheers.

Get the fuck out of here before I ship your old ass back to Sicily.

Bugs-uh make you hot?

I heard about you and Blanche.

Hi cupcake. It's time to play connect the freckles!

I just remind her that Mommy is right off stage with a big bucket of baking soda.

I get to push the plunger 'cause it's my birthday!

I can post in this browser, but not another. Something I wrote pissed someone off? Fuck all y'alls.

Rose, why are you so goddamned stupid? Rose: "Because I'm from fucking St. Olaf, Minnesota!"

blanche, i bet your pussy is full of red warts.

Sofia, why are you such a mean old cunt?

Jackie O and Brooke Shields will star together in a Broadway musical...

You're gonna meet some great gals.

When a gay railway clerk mutters at Dorothy, "Some big pots belong on the back burner."

My whole family doubled up laughing.

“Your honor I’m a a legitimate member of the bar, I can show you my credentials...” (pulls out sequence of clown gear)