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I invited my ungrateful niece over for lunch

I made some delicious Chicken a la King, which she turned her nose up at. She said she's no longer eating dairy or gluten and suggested ordering some god-awful takeout from a vegan restaurant she likes.

Well, I'd just had it. I told her that I had put up with her haughty rudeness, her constantly thumbing her nose at traditional etiquette and social graces, and that if she couldn't act like a lady and graciously accept and eat the delicious lunch I'd prepared, that she was welcome to leave and not come back.

Well, that set the little strumpet off. She called me a ridiculous, backwards old queen and said she had tried being nice (news to me!) but was no longer willing to tolerate my misogyny and that's why I'm apparently no longer allowed to see her daughter unsupervised.

I called her a nasty little viper and told her to get out of my house immediately, and that she was lucky she wasn't around 50 years ago, when I could have had her put in a sanitarium. She stormed out, saying she hoped I choke on my "bland nursing home slop."

I cried for an hour, then called her mother (my sister), who didn't pick up the phone.

It's as if no one remembers our wonderful parents and our upbringing. Worst of all, I'm no longer allowed to be a moderating influence on my grandniece who, at 13, is wearing tampons and will probably grow up to be a whore, since no respectable man will want a wife who's been ruining herself with tampons since she was 12.

by Anonymousreply 14211/21/2020

Sad as it is this might have really happened.

by Anonymousreply 105/07/2017

I wouldn't take that if I were you, OP. If I were you, I would make a Xerox copy of my will, scratch her name off it and fax it to her immediately. When she sees that she won't get your collection of Madame Alexander dolls, she'll really feel like shit.

by Anonymousreply 205/07/2017


by Anonymousreply 305/07/2017

Wow tell us how you really feel.

I do have to agree that is the height of rudeness to decline a home-cooked lunch/dinner in person. If she has genuine allergies she should have disclosed them before accepting. If it is just a "fad", then she should have sucked it up, ate a few bites, and then said it was wonderful.

by Anonymousreply 405/07/2017

Oh no, OP. And so soon after the Easter bonnet incident too.

by Anonymousreply 505/07/2017

Don't be too hard on the OP. He recently found out that his dad is not really his dad.

by Anonymousreply 605/07/2017

Did she yell at you that you smell like grease, too?

by Anonymousreply 705/07/2017

Yes, it was a pretty bonnet and never even worn. She completely ruined the holiday. Next year, I'll probably just fix a lovely roast for myself and eat some Easter candies at home alone.

by Anonymousreply 805/07/2017

Has she started douching since you confronted her about the odor last month?

by Anonymousreply 905/07/2017

'atta girl.

by Anonymousreply 1005/07/2017


by Anonymousreply 1105/07/2017

You're niece is nice, you sound like a bitch. Change your ways before three ghosts visit you.

by Anonymousreply 1205/07/2017

[quote]since no respectable man will want a wife who's been ruining herself with tampons since she was 12.

She'll never make a man fall off of his bicycle now.

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by Anonymousreply 1305/07/2017

She won't get so much as a used Kleenex from me, R2. I was going to bequeath her my mother's silver service and and antique piano dolls, but it's clear that she wouldn't appreciate them. I have a friend who I know would enjoy them.

by Anonymousreply 1405/07/2017

You ruined it towards the end. Less is more, dear.


by Anonymousreply 1505/07/2017

I love these niece threads, but I love the nephew threads even more. Please give her a hunky older brother, OP!

by Anonymousreply 1605/07/2017

OP stop fooling around and make this instead.

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by Anonymousreply 1705/07/2017

The feeling of relief that had to have washed over the niece must have been orgasmic...

by Anonymousreply 1805/07/2017

I took pictures.

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by Anonymousreply 1905/07/2017

OP, you should have offered to make her a gluten-free, vegan dish. And perhaps if you had fashioned her an Easter bonnet out of hemp you would be a more popular uncle. Shame on you.

by Anonymousreply 2005/07/2017

And did she also call you a common frump with no style sense, and married to a man in greasy overalls?

by Anonymousreply 2105/07/2017

You don't combine olive oil and cream, you stupid fake Italian bitch, Rachel Ray.

Why don't you make some "pastafajool" for your fellow Soprano obsessed relatives.

by Anonymousreply 2205/07/2017

R19, i was hoping for an ultrasound of the tampon breaking the hymen. Major letdown....

by Anonymousreply 2305/07/2017

Luvit, OP.


by Anonymousreply 2405/07/2017

OP, perhaps you could make the suggestion that your niece's daughter use a Diva Cup? That way her hymen will remain intact and she will still be desirable.

by Anonymousreply 2505/07/2017

R22 Yes, cream gets butter... not olive oil.

by Anonymousreply 2605/07/2017

My hymen is fine, r23. It sends its love!

This is the half-eaten cake he threw at me as I was leaving. Fortunately for me, his reaction time is in decline and he hit the closed door instead. It was so embarrassing; especially the shrieking...


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by Anonymousreply 2705/07/2017

R26 is much more tactful than I am.

by Anonymousreply 2805/07/2017

Still not funny after all these threads

by Anonymousreply 2905/07/2017

Was the yarn about attending the niece's birthday party and being laughed at by the friends for giving a savings bond part of this same set?

by Anonymousreply 3005/07/2017

That photo of the meal at R19 sure looks scrumptious. It was extra thoughtful of you to have predigested it for her, that ungrateful strumpet.

by Anonymousreply 3105/07/2017

I wish there was a video of OP's account.

by Anonymousreply 3205/07/2017

OP, you forgot the parts where you hissed, huffed and flounced

by Anonymousreply 3305/07/2017

I can just hear the jangling of your earrings and bracelets as you huff around your apartment in a caftan.

by Anonymousreply 3405/07/2017

r3 is on target. No Paleogay would have cooked for two. We would have had her over for tea or taken the cuntette to a restaurant. And by tea, I mean a bowl of mushy peas and a mug of Earl Grey.

by Anonymousreply 3505/07/2017

I would have gassed the little bitch.

by Anonymousreply 3605/07/2017

Can you score something less than 0 out of 10?

by Anonymousreply 3705/07/2017

The 12 year-old riding the cotton pony was overkill, OP. However, I was riveted to the remainder of the drama, especially your sister's refusal to take your calls.


by Anonymousreply 3805/07/2017

R7 wins.

by Anonymousreply 3905/07/2017

"OP, perhaps you could make the suggestion that your niece's daughter use a Diva Cup? That way her hymen will remain intact and she will still be desirable."

Diva cups go the same place as a tampon. However, I hope OP still takes your suggestion, so that we can hear the niece's response to his inquiries about her young daughter's genital maintenance.

by Anonymousreply 4005/07/2017

Close family, that should have said.

by Anonymousreply 4105/07/2017

tl,dr ............. you need a different hobby, OP. (or a different niece .... were this tale true)

by Anonymousreply 4205/07/2017

The exact same thing happened to me only it was my hot 18 year old nephew instead of my niece. When I finished telling him off he dropped his pants and flipped me over and gave me such a pounding that I'm having him for lunch every day.

by Anonymousreply 4305/07/2017

This post must be fiction. It's too campy to be real. Is this really true, Op?

by Anonymousreply 4405/07/2017

R44 of course not

by Anonymousreply 4505/07/2017

R44 is Rose Nylund.

by Anonymousreply 4605/07/2017

I thought it was fun.

Chicken ala King & unsupervised visits were just two of my favorites.


by Anonymousreply 4705/07/2017

I love the whole ungrateful niece oeuvre. That little strumpet clearly needs the sage advice she treats with such contempt! Who will maintain family values and traditions? Well?

Thanks, OP.

by Anonymousreply 4805/07/2017

You lost me at "Chicken a la King"

You're going to have to do a lot better EST

by Anonymousreply 4905/07/2017

Totally agree with R49 - who the hell makes Chicken ala King at home, let alone for lunch. This story would've been more believable if you said Shrimp Salad or BLT's or something. Fail.

by Anonymousreply 5005/07/2017

I don't think OP was going for believability.

by Anonymousreply 5105/07/2017

Assignment Review

While we all know that the great majority of women are impossible and all but seven young women in the western world are worthless, selfish cretins, a little more work was needed for this extremely sad toot to work.

1. Chicken a la King need not be bland, but more importantly how would the little bitch (hereafter "LB") know it was bland if she refused to eat it?

1a. Chicken a la King is a dish made from leftover (precooked) chicken. Where did the extra chicken come from? It's also a tired old recipe that no old queens I know would go near except in a camp, retro manner. The OP does not approach the lunch with humor, so the gay man is presented from the start as a fool. (I do serve the dish on occasion after having poached a few extra breasts while fixing something else with the rest of the chicken, but only as a joke. Even my old aunts would think the dish was silly if I tried it with them.) Also, a better tale would have included whether the dish was served in the old manner over homemade biscuits (using the American term.

2. A proper extremely shocking tale ensures that the teller seems innocent, reasonable and simply nonplussed through the initial outrages, so that the eventual explosion and/or emotional shock works better. A sympathetic uncle would have provided better contrast. As it is, the OP does seem misogynistic, with "like a lady," "strumpet," and all that tampon talk reflecting poorly on the uncle.

3. If, in fact, the plan was to make the uncle unsympathetic, it is difficult to see where the interest in the tale would lie. A moral of "everyone is shit" (or, more kindly, "we're all human") merely yields entropically sludgelike tattle. The uncle just seems awful, and that pushes things into homophobic territory, very unwise on the DL when the set-up is male versus female.

4. Leaving out the age of the lb at the start was a serious error. We couldn't envision the LB we were supposed to loathe. By mixing "niece" and "grand-niece" and stating it is the daughter of a sister, the OP seems to be senile or not understand simple familial relationships.

5. The "unsupervised" bit was poorly staged. If the "sister" wouldn't speak to the uncle, how does he know he is non persona grata?

6. Suggesting that the OP was not trying for believability returns us to the question of motive. While we are well past invoking the intentional fallacy, the social commentary aspect implicitly at the heart of such parody or satire leaves us wondering why anyone would bother with the inchoateness of this mess.

7. Lastly, the equation of tampon use with being a whore is too low. Calling her a creepy, useless, doomed little cunt would be one thing. Suggesting a relationship between menstrual precautions and love of cock suggests not only a homophobe writing, but perhaps a teenager with a thesaurus or, worst of all, an actual cunt trolling against gay men.

Grade - 0.

I'm sorry, but this student is dismissed from the EST 101 course and is sent back to Remedial Trollery with a warning. She/he/it simply cannot meet the minimum standards of the midlevel program, and capacity for the entry-level section is now questionable.

(Sheila, I trust you will correct any inadvertent typos here before forwarding it. I could only spend a moment with it as I am expecting the bursar and the dean for tea shortly. And do please affix a brown star beside the grade. Thank you.)

by Anonymousreply 5205/07/2017

Uncle Bottom is back.

by Anonymousreply 5305/07/2017

Made up fake story!

by Anonymousreply 5405/07/2017

I'm sorry you lost me at "I invited my ungrateful niece..."

by Anonymousreply 5505/07/2017

R52, that was totally ridiculous. A complete and utter fail. And you spent more time thinking it up than the OP spent writing his. GMAB.

by Anonymousreply 5605/07/2017

I do not get the "unsupervised visits" bits. What?

by Anonymousreply 5705/07/2017

OP likes 'em young, R57

by Anonymousreply 5805/07/2017

Is this the same niece that turned her nose up at a gift card for her birthday or graduation?

by Anonymousreply 5905/07/2017

I put a little white wine, or white grape juice when I'm on the wagon, in my a la king - but it's really more a la Joseph because I make it my own way. I even add tarragon and pearl onions and serve it on vol-au-vent pastry shells.

by Anonymousreply 6005/07/2017

R57, her daughter recently started menstruating and announced she was going to show her how to use a tampon. I objected to this, so she's afraid I'll subject the girl to my "outdated" views.

by Anonymousreply 6105/07/2017

La Choy makes Chinese food...quick, American!

by Anonymousreply 6205/07/2017

Lies, r61. All lies. Mom did not show me how to do it. She hired Paula Poundstone to show me, but you already knew.

Don't make me post more pictures.

by Anonymousreply 6305/07/2017

Chicken isn't a vegetable?

by Anonymousreply 6405/07/2017

I love the ungrateful niece stories, silly as they are.

by Anonymousreply 6505/09/2017

Please let there be a 4th of July American flag cake story.

by Anonymousreply 6605/09/2017

Oh OP, traditional etiquette and social graces are SO important! Hiss, huff and puff all you want.

by Anonymousreply 6705/09/2017

So 0/10 it's like 000/10. Did you try to sound like Phoebe Wallingford from All My Children or do you think real people just speak that way when they get prissy?

by Anonymousreply 6805/09/2017


by Anonymousreply 6905/09/2017

­čś¬ I don't think I've had chicken a la king since I stopped buying Stouffer's, and learned how to cook, circa 1970's.

by Anonymousreply 7005/09/2017

Ruining herself with tampons since age twelve?

You sound like my ill-informed Italian great grandmother.

by Anonymousreply 7105/09/2017

Your niece is right. You are an old hissy fittin' queen.

by Anonymousreply 7205/09/2017

I actually never eaten chicken a la king because it looks like barf-on-a-biscuit.

by Anonymousreply 7305/09/2017

What about the hope chest you are handing down to that ungrateful brat? Are you still planning on giving it to her?

by Anonymousreply 7405/09/2017

I am sure if you invite her over again she will be pleasantly surprised and happy.

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by Anonymousreply 7505/09/2017

OP I love your story! I'm LOL-ing myself into a frazzle. However your lunch looks like cat vomit.

by Anonymousreply 7605/09/2017

[quote]She called me a ridiculous, backwards old queen

What she said.

by Anonymousreply 7705/09/2017


I like the premise OP.

by Anonymousreply 7805/09/2017

Great fairy tale OP.

by Anonymousreply 7905/09/2017

Niece troll fuck off and die. Grease Fire. Cunt.

by Anonymousreply 8005/09/2017

Do you have any more pictures of the cake? It look devoon!

by Anonymousreply 8105/09/2017

OP . . . .Do you wear one of those aprons that looks like a ruffled pinafore ?

by Anonymousreply 8205/09/2017

Does she have a penis?

by Anonymousreply 8305/09/2017

Great story Babe! Now make me a sandwich!

by Anonymousreply 8405/09/2017

OP, you can invite me over for Chicken a la King any day!

by Anonymousreply 8505/09/2017

OP, is this the same niece you're taking to NYC, or was that your nephew. The other family whore.

To be such a modest flower , how does your gene pool have so many whores?

by Anonymousreply 8605/09/2017

Lol when my niece crosses me I feel the same way.

by Anonymousreply 8705/09/2017

I love Chicken a la King!

by Anonymousreply 8805/09/2017

Where do you find a chicken who wears a crown?

Does your chicken have "special meat?"

by Anonymousreply 8905/10/2017

Chicken a la King is nothing more than chicken pot pie filling in a puff pastry vol-au-vent case. To make it extra tas-tee I use some schmaltz to make the blond roux. It is the perfect fork only lunch entree when I have friends over for Bunco.

by Anonymousreply 9005/10/2017

Let us know when you pretend to make beef wellington.

by Anonymousreply 9105/10/2017

I picture OP to look like Liz Taylor from AHS (whom I loved), as the poster said upthread, wearing a "caftan with bracelets and earrings jangling".

by Anonymousreply 9207/06/2018

What a story! Everything but the bloodhounds snappin' at OP's rear end.

by Anonymousreply 9307/06/2018

I am unfamiliar with this thread and I don't know who brought it back to life, BUT THANK YOU!!! This was just the type of laugh that I needed today! Now, if this was the old DL PLEASE bring it back!!!

Below, is a sample image of what I was envisioning as I read the story


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by Anonymousreply 9407/06/2018


by Anonymousreply 9507/06/2018

[quote]I picture OP to look like Liz Taylor from AHS (whom I loved), as the poster said upthread, wearing a "caftan with bracelets and earrings jangling".


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by Anonymousreply 9607/06/2018

Is this the same niece that was tampering with your precious Avon bottles? The wording and reaction is pretty much identical (save for the added tampon twist.)

by Anonymousreply 9707/06/2018

R94 Laws YESSSS! Dear God, is she reaching for FROZEN Chicken Ala King??

by Anonymousreply 9807/06/2018

r94, there are reasons why threads die.

by Anonymousreply 9907/06/2018

R99=Party Pooper

by Anonymousreply 10007/06/2018

[quote][R94], there are reasons why threads die.

Well, THIS one made me laugh aloud!!!

[quote]I called her a nasty little viper and told her to get out of my house immediately,

I can see it! I can hear it! LOL!!!!

by Anonymousreply 10107/06/2018

I read it out loud and my husband and I both cried with laughter. Well done, OP. Screw the fraus who are trying to make sense of it.

by Anonymousreply 10207/06/2018

[quote]I picture OP to look like Liz Taylor...

Good. But, I'd say a male version of Totie Fields (google) and the voice/attitude of Divine.

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by Anonymousreply 10307/06/2018

Any OP who manages to work in the word "strumpet" still makes me laugh.

by Anonymousreply 10407/06/2018


Corbin Chamberlin

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by Anonymousreply 10507/06/2018

I know one uncle who won't be finding a new caftan under the tree this Christmas!

by Anonymousreply 10607/06/2018

R60 Your Chicken a la Joseph sounds delicious! I'm with the other couple elders-gay here, I still enjoy Chicken a la King too, especially in Vol-au-vents! Peas, pearl onions and taragon are all nice touches. I like pimiento and a touch of sherry in mine, schmaltz, and heavy cream.

by Anonymousreply 10707/06/2018

Shouldn't there be a butt plug somewhere in this story?

by Anonymousreply 10807/06/2018

Just kick he in the cunt and be done with her.

by Anonymousreply 10907/06/2018

Jennifer Saunders as the uncaring sister

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by Anonymousreply 11007/06/2018

Jolene Messenger as the ungrateful niece.

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by Anonymousreply 11107/06/2018

And, Aurora Mohn; The grandniece who, at 13, is wearing tampons and will probably grow up to be a whore, since no respectable man will want a wife who's been ruining herself with tampons since she was 12.

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by Anonymousreply 11207/06/2018

13 year old grandniece after OP gives her a style makeover.

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by Anonymousreply 11307/06/2018

"She was the kind of woman who ruined her body with tampons at an early age."

by Anonymousreply 11407/07/2018

But does she wipe back to front?

by Anonymousreply 11507/07/2018

R94 - Close, but perhaps 20 years older?

by Anonymousreply 11607/07/2018

Can someone formulate this into a question for Dear Prudence and see if she responds?

by Anonymousreply 11702/19/2020

R110, She looks just like the type,too!

by Anonymousreply 11806/15/2020

For once, I feel like thanking a Bump Bitch. Threads like this are what I come to DL for, not threads on protests, Meghan Markle, Trump, ad nauseam.

by Anonymousreply 11906/15/2020


by Anonymousreply 12006/15/2020

She sounds like the sort of shameless hussy who wears white after Labor Day!

by Anonymousreply 12106/15/2020

If OP made it, shouldn't it be called Chicken à la Queen?

by Anonymousreply 12206/15/2020
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by Anonymousreply 12308/07/2020

Novel, OP. And I mean the noun.

by Anonymousreply 12408/07/2020

Woman acts like a self-centered, narcissistic bitch, news at 10.

by Anonymousreply 12508/07/2020

I learned a long time ago how to deal with ungrateful relatives. I just don't have anything to do with them other than greeting cards at the holidays.

by Anonymousreply 12608/07/2020

Rape by tampon is nothing to joke about, OP.

by Anonymousreply 12708/07/2020

I like to walk by outdoor Vegan restaurants with a t-shirt that says, "If God didn't want us to eat meat, he wouldn't have made it taste so good!" It sets off both the vegans and the feminists. I'm going to get a t-shirt next that says, "If God was a woman, she wouldn't have made it so difficult for them to pee in public!"

by Anonymousreply 12808/07/2020

I'm sure people--even vegans--politely ignore you and your silly legible clothing, R128.

by Anonymousreply 12908/07/2020

LOL!!! This is my "go to" thread whenever I need a quick laugh! The R94 image is perfect!

by Anonymousreply 13008/30/2020

"Tampons are the Devil's fingers."

"Tampons are punishable by 25 demerits and probation at Godly schools."

by Anonymousreply 13111/20/2020

The guy in R94 is far too young to be OP.

by Anonymousreply 13211/20/2020

[quote] The guy in [R94] is far too young to be OP

He also appears to be wearing it ironically. Or attempting it, anyway.

by Anonymousreply 13311/20/2020

I hate my only niece. She is a moocher and manipulator. She is from a small, Midwestern town. The summer before her freshman year in high school she was selected as a majorette, but said in a group phone call that she was nervous because she had no formal training. So I flew her and her younger brother out to LA, registered her in a week-long twirling camp, and schlepped them around for a week. She was so ungrateful the entire time, and never said thanks. What I remember most was, she was too tired to go out to eat and did not want anything I would make. So we ordered delivery. She ordered the most expensive thing on the menu (a filet) and did not touch it.

Ten years ago, she got engaged to be married. My brother could not afford to put on the reception, and she cried on the phone to me about how sad she was about the situation. Their small town did not really have wedding reception venues, but one restaurant had a "party room" that many people had used for this purpose. She told me that it would cost $1000 to rent the space for the reception, but the room was free if she used the restaurant as caterer. For her party, it would be around $1500. I stupidly volunteered to pay. I signed an agreement with the venue and that was that. I flew there a couple days before the wedding and, basically, hung out at my motel room. She did not invite me to any of the pre-wedding activities. I chalked it up to her being busy. The day of the wedding and reception, she rushed to me right after the wedding and asked me to give her a check to pay for the reception. So I gave it to her. A few weeks later, I received a letter from the restaurant with a detailed invoice, marked paid, for $742. I called them and they said that they gave the remainder to my niece. I called my niece who, at first, denied this. Eventually she told me that she thought the $700+ was my wedding gift to her.

In 2013, my husband and I married. We were limited to 40 guests, including us. My niece was visiting my brother and his wife in Arizona. I invited my brother and his wife, but not my niece. But she showed up uninvited, with her two year old, and when I told her that she could not come to the wedding or reception, she threw a fit. But she did not come.

I got nothing left for her but disdain. Her husband is a QAnon/Trump supporter/"Evangelical Christian"/know-it-all. I cannot understand why my brother tolerates this.

by Anonymousreply 13411/20/2020

[Quote] She called me a ridiculous, backwards old queen

But'chare Blanche!

by Anonymousreply 13511/20/2020

[quote] "Tampons are the Devil's fingers."

Idle hands are the Devil's playground.

by Anonymousreply 13611/20/2020

I wouldn't eat chicken à la king either.

by Anonymousreply 13711/20/2020

Chicken à la king is delicious. Chicken, cream, sugar and salt. What more does one expect from life?

by Anonymousreply 13811/20/2020

This is why you give people you hate expensive things they cannot sell. Everyone has a piece of shit laying about that just needs plausible family history to make for a nicely inconvenient gift.

by Anonymousreply 13911/20/2020

I have a niece like OPs semi-fake one, sadly. But I do like reading about a good old fashioned family bitchfight!! Yay OP!!

by Anonymousreply 14011/20/2020

[Quote] Chicken à la king is delicious. Chicken, cream, sugar and salt. What more does one expect from life?


by Anonymousreply 14111/21/2020

[quote] So I flew her and her younger brother out to LA, registered her in a week-long twirling camp

I want to hear more about the nephew who went to twirling camp!!

by Anonymousreply 14211/21/2020
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