Let's be Barbra Streisand preparing for an evening of lovemaking

I'm the fleet lite enema squished in the bathroom trash can

No, just no.

I'm the demanding text to James Brolin alerting him that I'm in heat

I'm the undocumented worker forced to wax Bab's anus in the shape of a musical note.

I'm the new sexual position Barbra came up with to keep her freshly manicured nails safe from breaking while making love.

I'm the HD camera set up to painstakingly critique the process afterwards

I'm the bag of frozen peas in the freezer with a Post-It:

"Just in case — Love, Diane"

I'm the turned around picture frame of Jason Gould

I'm the shower massage nozzle vigorously used to scrub Barbra's lady parts.

I'm a morning after trip to her basement shopping mall to buy an emergency contraceptive pill (a girl can never be too careful).

I'm the digital clock stared at until this mess is over and I can get back in the shower

I'm the Donna Karan kimono draped over her hips and bosom

I'm the mirror always visible

I'm the dolls in the doll shop, in basement mall, trembling.

One of us is going to be needed, but which one?

I'm the calendar reminder that it's been 3 weeks since the last time

I'm the nose-slimming makeup application

I'm "Barbra: The Ultimate Collection" playing in the background.

I'm Gwyneth Paltrow's vaginal steaming and anal sex tips open on the Ipad

I'm Richerd Jai Alesander directing and cheering her on with tears and smiles.

I'm the money saved by Barbra enrolling in Amazon Prime, so that she could receive all items necessary to prevent Elliot from peeking into windows (while hoisted upon Don Johnson's shoulders) with FREE TWO-DAY SHIPPING!

I'm James Brolin, making sure I have TWO brown paper bags.

[quote] I'm the money saved by Barbra enrolling in Amazon Prime, so that she could receive all items necessary to prevent Elliot from peeking into windows (while hoisted upon Don Johnson's shoulders) with FREE TWO-DAY SHIPPING!

Wouldn't he rather have Don's johnson?

I'm James Brolin furiously masturbating to porn in the bathroom to get it up

I'm the DataLounge poster, recoiling in horror at the prospect of Babs fucking ANYTHING OR ANYONE!

I'm what Barbra sees in her mind while she's getting fucked.

I'm the Hollywood gigolo making my peace with the 1000 bucks I'm about to make. Surprisingly, Babs is skillful and personable, I manage to shoot my load with a smile, and I am surprised Babs is a good tipper, as well.

Take two: I'm what Barbra ACTUALLY sees in her mind while she's getting fucked.

"Put the fucking lotion in the basket!"

I'm the sound of swooshing outer space noises on Barbra's arrangement of "Somewhere" from The Broadway Album, which is of course being played on the expensive sound system as mood music.

I'm Barbra's nails. She'll avoid doing anything that could damage me in any way.

I still love her sex tape

I'm the look of complete dread as I hold my breath and lower myself to Brolin's scrotal region

I'm the sex toy she had repainted to match the curtains.

I'm the DL queens who hiss at anyone who starts a "Let's Be..." thread.

I'm surprised they haven't got here yet.

I'm the excuse she makes up to avoid doing oral...

[quote]I'm the sex toy she had repainted to match the curtains.

Which were inspired and copied from a painting she saw in The Hague in 1987.

I'm the ultimate aphrodisiac: roast beef and potatoes.

Ordered in French.

I'm Roslyn Kind watching. Seething in jealousy cause no one wants my pussy even though it's prettier and tighter.

I am the mattress that is just getting over the fucking that James did to the maid.

I'm the rehearsal tape she uses to find the best positions where her hair face and back look the best.

I am the pillow that Brolin always places on her face.

I am Barbs ankles, and together we have not seen daylight.

I'm the drugstore in her mall that's run out of condoms because James has bought them all for use with other women.

They haven't been automatically reordered because inventories are still done by hand(scanners are unsightly) and Barbra needs to do one.

I'm the interrogation afterward demanding to be told I'm as pretty as an ingenue

I'm the bitching about Lady Gaga remaking A Star is Born

I'm the memory of her passionate tryst with Barack Obama, which she relives with wild abandon as James Brolin is having a life alert moment on top of her.

I'm the shopping list James is making in his head.

I am the maid in the next room thanking God that he is finally leaving me alone.

I'm the DLer who will be here shortly to make James Brolin GAY-GAY-GAY.

What I love most about that MadTV clip is whoever is playing John McDaniel, Rosie's bandleader. The actor exactly captures his forced jollity mixed with terror that used to be so evident on Rosie's show.

I'm the chopped liver (or pate) that Barbra eats to remind her that's the first thing Fanny Brice ate before she lost it to Nicky Arnstein. "You are Woman, I am Man" indeed!

I'm Barbra's bell-bottomed lingerie pants.

We're the cast of "Life in Pieces," trying to figure out why Jim Brolin is acting so strange today.

I'm the weird version of Jingle Bells that Babs sings as she approaches orgasm.

I'm the long, lacquered fingernail she loses up James' asshole.

I'm the whipped cream canister, freshly filled and gassed, on the bedside table. I'm the same colour as my contents. During sex, I may only be applied to nipples, no other body part outside of the areola. Think: controlled mess.

I am already half empty and James hasn't even been summoned.

I'm the glass of chardonnay and charcuterie plate for snacking in the final moments before penetration

I'm the framed "Main Event" poster wearing Daisy Dukes revealing cellulite free thighs

I'm the nail file..in hand, or on the floor.

I'm the Phantom of the Opera mask Barbara wears so James can't see her face's bad side.

I'm the black dildo she borrowed from Oprah and painted it white.

I'm the taut, pert, dainty new labia she got done at the vaginal-rejuvenation clinic over on Bedford Drive.

I am the notes she's handing Brolin after his performance.

I'm the spanking palm mark on Barbra's left ass cheek by James, and scolded for being TOO HARD

I'm the boudoir book made especially for James to replace his Playboys

This is why James' hair turned white.

I'm the aerosol can of room freshener strategically hidden under the bed to be handy in case of an "oopsie."

I'm the Oscar she won for Funny Girl. I'm sometimes used as a sex toy when she's *really* in the mood. Much like Bette Davis' first Oscar, the gold has been worn off me. I'm so sad.

I am the giggle from Till I Loved You used as a signal when she has had enough for the night.

I'm the alarm set to go off in 30 minutes to signify it is over

I'm the 5x5 inch area on Barbra's lower back that semen is allowed to land for no more than 5 seconds

I am the African American escort hired by Barbara and James . I am 10x5 , Barbra can take it, James needs a lot of lube and poppers to make it happen.

I'm tired.

that pic in R62 makes me horny

I'm the post-coital dialogue: James, it's Barbra. You did know it was Barbra?

I'm the hard booger in her nostrils that she tries to remove while she thinks James is taking a post coital nap.

I'm the shower taken within seconds to wash off the human filth

I'm the ivory colored, leather suitcases. Packed. By the door. I'll be leaving with Ms. Streisand after the loving. Leaving the country.

I'm the Andy Warhol portrait painted on the ceiling.

I'm the solid gold diaphragm. She doesn't need it for birth control, but James likes coming into money.

We are two maids cleaning the entire bedroom after their session. We must keep our eyes down even though Ms S is nowhere to be seen.

I'm the cabana boy with the wax buffer, Im about to put a polish gloss on Madame's derrière.

I'm the cherries in the snow nail color and Pretty Woman red lips which are only used for sexytimes

I'm the director in the bedroom because "there's less people to argue with"

I'm the Brooklyn accent that emerged from her depths as she screams and claws during orgasm.

I am the DK t-shirt James has to wear. Asking for it, ya know...

I'm the mirror with two faces. One is frosted over.

I'm what ever other things Omar introduced her to in Baltimore.

I´m that gorgeous overtone you can still hear after her orgasmic sounds end.

I'm the magic mirror hanging in the bathroom that only reflects a young Elizabeth Taylor back when I look into it.

I'm the cash register.

I'm a little lumpy but I ring.

I´m am Jims Guavajelly Rub it,rub it- uhhhh

I'm the 24-hour preparation period and the post 12-hour "Thank God it's Over" celebration that she won't have to engage in that nonsense again for another month.

I'm the pearly discharge Babs brazenly shows James to prove that she is still indeed a menstruating goddess generating human life producing ovum.

I'm the french tips that have not changed since the Prince of Tides.

I'm in tears! Best thread I've ever read on here to date!

I'm William Wyler and I'm directing this because I'm the best director she's ever had.

I'm the rails of coke hoovered from James' taint.

After the love making and pot I'm the turkey, dumpling and beets Babs and James ravenously devour.

I'm the misting bottle Barbra uses to accentuate the spray tan glow on her legs.

dim lights, lots of good champagne, lots of good coke ...

i´m jim.

I am the "lingerie boutique" counter in her private underground mall where her and Jim role play sexual shopgirl fantasies.

I am the extra wide post-mated poppers so James can finally go balls deep.

I’m the “Sound of Orgasms” that she told the host of Inside the Actor’s Studio was her favorite sound.

I'm Steve Sondheim writing special material to the tune of The Miller's Son for Ms. Streisand to serenade her hubby after The Act.

"Let's be Barbra Streisand preparing for an evening of lovemaking"

Bitch, if you're one of those anti-Trans trolls you've got a lot of explaining to do.

I'm the song Prisoner from Eyes of Laura Mars Barbra always plays and I'm also the red wig she always wears during lovemaking so she can BE Faye Dunaway as Laura Mars.

I'm the specific, meticulously-aimed track lighting creating shadows revealing only one side of her face, one leg, one ass cheek, one side of her ample bosom - at all times.

[quote] I'm in tears! Best thread I've ever read on here to date!

agreed R96. There hasn't been one of these in a long time.

I'm her plastic surgeon chasing her round the bedroom with a shotgun (!) 'No Babs, surgery will only worsen your looks you ugly cuntface. I'm a plastic surgeon not a magician!'

I'm the oil painting of young Robert Redford she keeps locked in her night table - She sobs all over me every time she's done wiping herself.

I'm her plastic surgeon chasing her round the bedroom with a shotgun(!). 'No Babs, surgery will only worsen your looks you ugly cuntface. I'm a surgeon not a magician!

I'm her plastic surgeon chasing her round the bedroom with a shotgun(!)

'No Babs, surgery will only worsen your looks you ugly cuntface. I'm a surgeon not a magician!'.

I'm the cottage cheese like discharge from her mild yeast infection caught when spores borne on the warm Malibu breeze caressed her inner thighs..

I'm the big container of Boy Butter that Babs uses to wank James off silly---I'm really like buttuh! I'm also a great moisterizer for her gnarled and claw-like hands as well, so it's a win win for her.

I'm the Baked Alaska that must be wheeled in and flambéed the moment the deed is done.

I'm the crystal goblet she uses for her two-girls-and-a-cup reenactment, which she has rescripted to make more compelling and, of course, eliminate the second girl.

I'm the tiny black briefs James wears when she makes him "Play 'Nuts'". He chases her around the suite to "rape" her, like Leslie Nielsen. I always end up with powder over me when James attacks her and she answers by throwing baby powder at hin, as if talcum powder was ever used to ward off a rapist.

I'm the Mandy Patinkin outfit she kept from Yentl. Sometimes she enters the boudoir in full Avigdor drag and makes Jimmy play the girl.

I'm the collection of vibrators, tastefully co-ordinated in the correct shades of beige, dusky rose, and Carolina blue.

Isn’t that the height of nonchalance.

There is no fucking way that Barbra is french tips have ever stimulated James's prostate.

Almost ready...

Avigdor, wait!

I'm the post coital jello with cool whip that Babs made herself earlier in the day.

I'm the cry of, "Oh, Jimmy. Oh, Jimmy, baby! Oh, Jimmy, baby, you make me feel so good!" Followed by, "Let me do that over. I can make it sound better. . .Oh, Jimmy. Oh, Jimmy, baby!. . ."

Avigdor, cum!

I'm the instructions James has been given not to cum until the climax of "Prisoner (Love theme from Eyes of Laura Mars)". Just one of the many tightly calculated marks to match Barbra's journey in sexual pleasure to her musical oeuvre.

I'm the MAME-thick layer of Vaseline smeared on the above bed mirror.

I´m the designer of Miss Streisands sexy yet tastefull antique lace negligee.

I am listet in the yellow pages under Architects.

I'm Jason calling the accountant. I should be back at (her, hmmm, I mean) MY place in Manhattan.

silverfox aka bagel-chaser

likes: zaftig, versatile ,dom,roleplay, no-bra

kink: lace-curtains, antique dolls staring at me during sex,foodporn

I'm the 3 gallons of Mazola Corn Oil I have to pour over my dried up, droopy cunt, so it's supple enough to slide into.

When it's over, it looks like a wet Mardi Gras mask

I am the cloned dogs forced to watch like our prototype.

I'm the dildo that needs to do some work

I never believed the Barbra sex tape rumors.

She's far too vain to be filmed scrubbing James' Levitra-fueled engorged member with her Astroglide saturated beef curtains.

I´m Barbras mother and sister, spoiling the carefully created monochromatic mood, by arriving unannounced .

Barbra has had a panic-room ( decorated in off-white and baby-blue with touches of pink ) ever since.

I’m the HORROR of it all.

Barbras's sextape - who says Jewish girls don't suck dick.

Apparently, the missing audio contains Barbra queefing a rough bassline demo of "Songbird"

Isn't it rich? Are we a pair? Me here at last on the ground, Jim in mid air.

Why settle for just a piece of sky?

R140 is a Virus link. FF it.

Xvideos is a well-known pornsite

[quote] Xvideos is a well-known pornsite

No one said it wasn't. The link leads to a virus. I don't care what site it says it's from.

I'm the Flatbush Brooklyn accent waiting to be used when she shudders Yes! Yes!

Soup's on!

R135

I´m Barbras PA; trying to tangle my vibrating dildo back from those clonded bastards, wishing you were rigth!

I'm James' little blue pills. He takes two of me at a time.

I'm the lavender douche on the nightstand to be immediately inserted post-coitus in order to maintain the illusion of freshness before the overwhelming stink of fish wafts to m'lady's nose.

I'm the paper bag that those who've had sex with her places over her head.

I'm the artisanal lace-front pussy wig that is the texture and color of Yorkie hair.

Let’s be real: there is NO sex left in her life. James has been done with her years ago.

I'm the soft turd fished out of my morning stool and kept in a carved wooden box on the nightstand. If you reject my advances, I will fling it at you while doing a crazy monologue from Nuts.

That mightn't have been the case if she had added a gym to her mall. And not Brolin.

I'm the decades-old vial of menstrual blood sprinkled on the 6x6 spot on the bed allowed for bodily fluids that Barbra insists is her first time.

Do the flowers in the outside window box match the color scheme in the bedroom?

Y’all, this thread had me in stitches.

"Put it where it don't belong, James."

Projectile Farting

Jesus, who the fuck wanted to see this ugly big nose bitch sticking out her as like that?

I'm the friendly ghost of Betty Bacall, coaching James on compliments to utter while munching Babs's box.

I'm James' Dude Wipes wrapper in the bathroom trash can

I'm the text reminder to Jason to take his HIV meds.

I'm Lauren Bacall, even less sure why I'm here than i was in "The Mirror Has Two Faces."

But secure in the knowledge that I am still sexier than she is, even though I've been dead for four years.

Sorry but I don’t believe Barbara has ever had sex!

I'm six inches long and rock hard.

We are the 2 cloned dogs yapping and jumping up and down on the bed in eerie synchronicity as mother gets penetrated.

I'm the eerie echoes of last month's session still reverberating off the spotless surfaces of the basement shopping mall.

I'm the bottle of chloroform. I sneak up behind him, gas him, then have my minions drag him to the bedroom.

Oh, she has had sex.