Let's be an episode of Absolutely Fabulous!

I'm the industrial-sized, glass-front refrigerated case full of bottles of Bolli.

I'm Eurydice Colette Clytemnestra Dido Bathsheba Rabelais Patricia Cocteau Stone

I'm the kitchen that starts out as an actual functioning kitchen but becomes less focused on function and more on design. Look for me to change each season.

I'm the doorknob from New York, dahhhling!

I'm Bubble's emaciated brain.

I'm Edina's arms. She has them!

I'm the self-raising flower. I've got quite big tits

I'm a cross-section of a woman's body. Apparently I'm missing the other leg.

I'm the well-used ping-pong ball

I'm a knitting needle.

A knitting needle? A KNITTING NEEDLE!!!!!

And I'm Christian Lacroix, sweety.

I'm the powder under Patsy's nose in "France". I tricked her into enjoying ping-pong.

I am delicious yogurt. In Marocco I am part of an elaborate mating ritual.

I am Patsy's dick. I fell off.

I'm a withered penis gathering dust in a gutter somewhere. I fell off Patsy

I am the Car Clamp Club.

Fucket r14 beat me by a nanosecond

I'm Carpet Madness!

I am a wheel and I'm on fire.

I'm Bing, Bing, Bing & Bing

I'm the stupid people. Tax me!

I am Naomi Campell. I am very difficult.

I just work in a shoppe, you know

I'm a Romanian baby!!

I am a book that escaped being burned.

I'm Ivan Lendl. Romanian babies look like me, even though I'm Czech

I'm the TICKETS, MONEY, PASSPORT!

I am Margaret Thatcher. I was Prime Minister for 900 years, 3,000 years, or 11 years.

I am a buzzing bee. I may or may not exist.

I am Gabon.

I'm the huge picture of Che Guevera

I am Baby Spice's thumb up Justin Timberlake's ass. I'd make Emma Bunton interesting again.

I am Titicaca.

I'm Lulu. Where the fuck is my champagne?

I'm FRONCE'

I am the LA-imported ISO-tank. Turns out Fergie has one too, now I'm going on the rubbish heap.

I'm Penny Caspar-Morse

I am the rock 'n' roll that you cannot make on a diet of Quorn, V-8 Juice, and Linda Bloody McCartney's Tofu Treats!

I am Penny Caspar-Morse. I may be blind now, but I'm still going to fat-shame you.

I'm New Labour. The eternally grinning, funless world of New Labour.

I'm Bombay Mix, said in Mummy's funny voice.

I am Saffy's a mixed-race baby. I am the CHANEL of babies.

I'm Holland Park.

I am screen legend Jeanne Durand. Can you hear me?

A packet of fags. Everyone of me will be fiercely smoked and appreciated.

I'm Saffy's teen study group giggling like little Retards- as they seem to be entering puberty in college!

I'm Patsy's fabulous afternoon boilermaker.

I'm the joint hidden in Patsy's hair.

I'm the all the fancy Alessi stainless kitchenware that blankets the kitchen but most viewers have no idea what I cost and frankly on this show - I just look like cheap junk..

I'm hemlines. One click from Pats and I can make the world your gynecologist.... Well, if you didn't have dicks under your caftans.

I'm Julie Driscoll. I give Lulu the cold shoulder at the cast party. She has me killed.

I am the birthday earrings. I am LaCroix. Guaranteed.

I'm the bitch troll from hell.

R46 I'm Patsy, listening to Saffy's blushing-chaste group, and having to be restrained from laying waste to all of them!

I'm the best punchline of the series: "She's blind!"

I am the demand for total sensory deprivation AND backup drugs.

i'm a pair of crotch-less panties, soiled on the floor.

I'm Razzle magazine

I'm Patsy's passport

I'm the older, -I mean BIGGER sister.

I'm the awful "Special" episodes which were mostly not very good especially the "Gay" one in New York with a very unfunny Whoopi and the awful idea to actually see Serge. Or, the really terrible one with Nathan Lane that I refuse to ever re-watch.

I'm the apparently ageless June "Gran" Whitfield who out of all the main actors looks pretty much the same she did 25 years ago.

I'm Gran trying to say cappuccino instead I butcher it with chappaccino . . . Multiple times

I'm Helena Bonham Carter.

I'm something horrible on the stairs.

I'm just the one.

I'm the French staff, waiting confusedly up at the main house.

I'm also the "painerie" in the village, which those bints can't find, so they have to phone to "Londra" for groceries.

I'm Catriona (Patsy's blonde minion). I was thinking chairs might be nice.

I'm "moistness," the word du jour.

I am snoring in the middle of an orgy (I don't do sex)

I'm the windscreen washer Patsy picked up at the traffic lights. My buns are so tight I bounce off walls.

I'm lovely shoes.

I'm Edina falling out of a car at least twice per series.

I'm Twiggy, Emma Bunton, Julia Sawalha, and all famous cameo's poor line delivery and lack of comic timing,

I'm Nadia Sawalha, wondering how my ugly sister got cast on AbFab, while I languish in a thankless, soon to be forgotten role on EastEnders.

I am Kalishia Klegg Ferruzzi, aka Sabina, Naked Snake Charmer, sneering all who are beneath me.

I am Names, Names, Names!

I am the very important paper that comes out of the answering machine.

All I want to know is, Am I poor?

I am a road and i am what I am.

I'm the garden that no one knew existed.

I am Catriona whose friend has a lovely shop with some lovely chairs. We can take some lovely photos of them and use them in the next issue of the HQ Magazine.

I am a store with great swathes of linen and terra cotta pots in the window.

I'm PR!

I am a thin person inside Edina, screaming to get out.

I'm that homophobic remedy.

I'm a twiple-acting, alpha-hydwoxy-acid natuwal complex to weactivate your skin, making you ... scientificwy more beautiful!

I'm the Patsy Stone shrine proudly displayed at Keith ("Keef!") Richards' ultra-luxurious rock 'n roll estate!

I'm the Patsy Stone shrine proudly displayed at Keith ("Keef!") Richards' ultra-luxurious rock 'n roll estate!

I'm "pop specs." I'm kind to trees.

I'm Brick-n-Brack-n-Knick-n-Knack-n-Things...."any old junk taken", why don't you go trade yourself in?

I'm the knickknacks that Pats loves to go shopping for.

R85 And I'm the other one.

I'm the Japanese finger food and tequila slammers all round at midnight.

I'm Edina's minimalist friend, Bettina. Have you seen my new jewelry collection? They're in a white box.

I'm the generic stock music that replaces "Wheels on Fire" on the American DVDs of season 2.

I'm Patsy as a "Bond Girl"

I'm Marshall's new wife, Bo. In with anger, out with love.

I'm the movie. I should have happened 15 years earlier.

I'm the tiny radio in the kitchen playing "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me" by Dusty Springfield in a flashback.

I'm stoli bolli

I'm the only Chippendale Patsy's sister ever sat on (with 2 legs)

I am the Frankie Knuckles CD-Rom Dance Happening at an underground car park in Romsey.

I am the hats, gloves and shoes that you can never have enough of.

I'm the man who's off to see a camel about a hump.

I'm Clodagh Rogers. I'm the one who actually did sing the "Jack in the Box" song Bubble falsely believed Lulu sang. I'll be over in the Monty Python thread if anyone else needs me.

I'm the very cool original 1968 song that they aborted for this campy half-assed rubbish.

I'm the pair of gold lamé hot pants wedged up Kylie's chocolate starfish

Im the outtalks on the DVDs which is the only place you can see that Julia Sawahla has a delightful smile

(And to the bitch upthread, she has great comic timing)

I kept telling R107 to abort abort abort!

I'm Shepherd's Bush roundabout.

There are hardly any two districts in London that has borders more clearly defined.

I'm "another lover," about to be brought to Patsy's mom.

& I'm Shepherd's Bush - nasty looking, aren't I?

& I'm Holland Park - pretty aren't I?

I am the great birds and bees talk I gave to Saffy after I drunkenly woke her up one night:

"Sometimes people have it off, sweetie..."

I am also the sound you make when you cry:

"Squish squish sweetie..squish squish darling"

I am ... *in a sing song tune* walking down the road ...

I am Amanda Lear and I'm flattered that Jennifer Saunders created and based the Patsy character on me.

I am the talking stick. Only the one who holds me is allowed to talk and you can't buy one for yourself!

I am a can of bug spray. I am only used in matters of life or death.

I am the Siouxsie and Banshees' cover of This Wheel's on Fire. I'm too cool for this shit.

R117 interesting; that makes so much sense!

I am the soft fruit that men will turn to for pleasure instead of Saffy.

I think you're on the wrong thread, R122.

I'm the vapid American queen who pretends to know every unintelligible word of practically every episode. The show isn't really funny because no one outside of England can understand the dialogue, but I pretend otherwise.

R124 = Cherysh

I am Princess Anne. Not Diana.

I am a door that opens inwards.

I am the exasperated French groundskeeper wondering "why in THE HELL" are those two drunk women insisting on staying in a farmers cabin when they paid for the chateau?

I am a very expensive car, which must be parked where I can see it.

Im Idris Elba, in a very early screen role. As a male prostitute.

I am 2000 dirham for one sour-faced ditch rat.

I am Jane Horrocks as Bubble. I am the funniest character on the show.

I am the organs that the acupuncture needle harpooned on its way down.

I'm an old dead man lying in a coffin.

But am I art?

I am Buddha Bar, which no one has better tell the Taliban about.

I don't know what you are but you'd better not be wearing my clothes.

I am the Buddhist language.

I'm lovely photos.

I'm moisture, your word du jour.

I am bloody Aby-bloody-ssynian bloody Vogue.

I'm the hand tit test.

I'm lunch at Harvey Nichols, but you have to eat quick so you can get to the office.

R124 = the bitch trog.

I'm 39

And I'm an ovum.

I'm the unfunny episodes 2001-2012.

I'm the rug made out of Elke Sommer.

I'm Justin, Edina's gay ex-husband, bringing his black boyfriend to dinner.

We're everything funny, meaningful, insightful, and relevant about the show's early years that got lost in translation when CBS tried to Americanize it as [italic]High Society[/italic].

I'm Eddie's ruched eye bags.

I'm a whole row of skeletons with Jackie O hairdos.

R139, meet R69.

If it's that important to you, sure.

I am colonic irrigation. I am not to be sniffed at.

I am the wonder of life, and the newness of living.

I am sandpaper, exfoliant, cellulite breakdown, tone and perm, auto-bronzant, and birch twigs.

I'm the PR PR Persons' Awards Dinner of the Month Lunch.

I'm Chanel No. 5. Patsy likes my taste.

I'm the 10cc of Paralox that Patsy injected into the pillow.

I'm the ONE funny joke of each episode.

I'm the mother. I'm especially UNfunny.

Agreed, r161

She knew EXACTLY what she was doing with those femidoms.

I'm Magda and I'd better make this quick - I've got a lingerie opening and a feminine wash launch to get to by six.

I am fetuses. We are going to be chucked down the catwalk if the models get any younger.

I am ... fabulous!

I am the blinding light that startles poor Eddie in the "morning" when she opens her blinds.

I am the homless person accosting Eddie while wearing a Vivienne Westwood catsuit from last season. I may wore it better than Eddie herself.

I am the potpourri that Patsy's sister, Jackie, mistakes for food. I'm disgusting.

I'm the open hole in the graveyard Patsy falls into in "Death".

R87 - I don't know what any of that means but it's [bold]forcing[/bold] me to bewieve it!

I'm 72.

I am Patsy's flat right above a liquor store.

I am MADMOISELLE!

I'm the porn loop that Gran got into on the computer and just couldn't get out of...

I am the very sad and very bad recent movie.

I'm the pictures of sad but beautiful children, happy gay couples, and slogans like "World Health", "No Pollution", "Fashion Cares"

I'm bloody stupid people who need nurse maiding and buggery bollocky ugly traffic wardens.

I am Patsy, nodding off while the kitchen is on fire and blending in with the table top.

We're a humble salad and a bottle of Evian.

I'm the food that Patsy hasn't eaten since 1973.

I'm the Stella McCartney wallet Patsy confuses with a telephone.

"Hello, Stella!"

I'm the hoover that fell out of the window when Bubbles was 'doing the sils'

I'm the paper that just comes and comes!

I'm the gynaecologist, the man who can look you in the vagina but never in the eye.

I am great big large pendulous breasts.

I am a hemline. One day I might be raised so high that the whole world is your gynecologist.

I'm the whip that she's got.

I'm 2002, taking a bow as I return to a grateful DL.

I'm the lady.

I'm drip-dry, the only label Princess Anne wears.

"Life is a mystery..." I'm Eddie being all profound and philosophical with Saffy about death and dying...oh wait..."Madonna, sweetie."

I'm the extremely long tube coming out of Patsy from her hospital stay. "You were supposed to pick me up, Eddie."

[quote]I'm 2002, taking a bow as I return to a grateful DL.

Huh?

I'm minimaliminilism.

I'm Britt. Brit. Bri. Br. B.

I'm one of Saffy's husbands other wives.

I am Eddie's birthday cake with burning candles on top. The candles are being put out with a fire extinguisher. I am completely ruined after that. But the karaoke machine is ok.

I am Idris Elba's hard tongue sticking out of his mouth after he put some erectile stimulant spray on me instead of breath spray.

I am Eddie's ruined figure. I was caused by giving birth to two ungrateful children.

I am Serge the son who inexplicably goes from being an archeologist working at the North Pole and studying plate movements in Antarctica -- to working at the Strand bookstore (and not seeming particularly bright) when we finally meet him years later.

I'm the lie Serge told his intolerable mother, something about being an archeologist and far too busy to ever come home.

I am part of R198.

I am the stomach that's stretched beyond recognition and the tits down to her knees.

Not buying it, R200, the school tells Edina where he is at some point, Saffy mentions tracking him down several times and I don't think she's part of some elaborate lie. Same with his dad. He doesn't want to see Edina but no need for some elaborate lie. And his Mom would know what he went to school for, that he was smart in science, whatever (though, granted, when we do finally meet him, the only thing discussed in this arena is his love of books and how Edina threw them out because they made her eyes itch. You think she'd ask about the Arctic and the rest and how he ended up there).

If it was all a ruse, it'd be up there in bad plot lines of the likes of the "Dallas" season that was all a dream.

Edina: "I faxed the bloody dean, the bollocky halls of residence and the buggery mountain rescue..." All to find Serge so not a ruse.

I am the lady with the talking stick at the retreat asking Eddie if she can feel the vibes coming from her as she squats and rocks to and fro in front of Eddie.

"No, but I can smell them!"

I'm the woman who gave herself a clitorectomy with a hand fan.

I am the hot winking Moroccan houseboy who apparently deflowered Saffron -- long before the professor tells her he'd like to open that delicate flower. Or maybe he just licked the honey off of her but who wouldn't let that kid do whatever he wanted? Hot as a whip.

I'm the guy who tells Eddie and Patsy to say "animation" instead of "cartoon" when I sold mine to a Japanese studio.

I am Headmaster Tony.

I am the joke that's not in very good taste

I am "All Gums" aka Meg Ryan.

I'm the lapdog.

I'm out of the loop.

I'm Pop-Specs, and I'm kind to trees!

I'm Bettina and Max's murderous maze of Calder-like minimalist mobiles.

I'm Saffy's mixed race baby which is "the Chanel" of all babies.

We are Pablo Xerxes and Pong Sapong.

We gave Patsy an expert fingering and tonguing before her awards show.

Did anyone cite the Romanian babies? If so, I'm a Somalian cooking pot. They don't need 'em. Got nothing to eat.

I am Saffy's off-putting constant rage in the later seasons.

Wait until you see her in the movie, R218. She's barely even Saffy.

Oh, so sad, R219. She was such a good character. The whole idea was that she was the normal one, and that even though Edina was a bad mother with no redeeming features, they actually sort of cared about each other deep down. After the first few series, they bore such outright hostility to each other that it was too hard for me to watch.

One good thing about the movie, though, is that Lola/Jane (though all Jane references seem to be gone) has grown up to be a cute rather rebellious teen who becomes a partner in crime with Edina and Patsy. She's the fun one. Saffy is just a pill with no redemption (and you're right. Saffy used to have her fun moments too before they made her an old maid. Though some of the insults thrown at her were rather cruel, especially in the episode with Patsy's sister).

Saffy hasn't changed THAT much. Yes, there is a running gag of her saying "No, I don't" when people (like her boyfriend) tell that she surely must be concerned about her mom, but in the end she does say that she cares. I mean from episode one she was stand offish towards her mom (Saffy slamming the door when Eddie arrives which triggers the whole Sweety Darling, let me in! tirade).

True but along the way we also got to see her have that flirty exchange with her professor and be excited with a new boss and, again, fuck the cabana boy in Morocco. I think I hated the way she treated her African husband the most, actually. Pure shrew and he didn't deserve any of it.

Is it a bee?

I am the very soft toilet paper Patsy stuffs into Jackie's bags when Jackie leaves Eddie's house in a hurry.

I am Patsy's morals. I don't exist.

[quote] I'm the guy who tells Eddie and Patsy to say "animation" instead of "cartoon" when I sold mine to a Japanese studio

That's not just some guy, that is Marshall, Eddie's ex-husband.

I'm Minnie. Minnie Driver. I'm not a dwarf.

I'm an Eskimo papoose, darling

I'm Eddy's private doctor, Phillip. I am skiing in Switzerland and refusing to give her huge amounts of speed to help her lose weight.

I'm a bloody buggery tea spoon. 'How clever'.

I'm old coffee beans that have been cremated.

I'm Titicaca's drinking habit.

I am repressed-false-memory therapy, which Edina will soon begin. She'll get something on her mother yet.

I am Eddie's mother burning her with one softly uttered question:

Eddie: "I mean what you two don't seem to realize is that inside of me, inside of me, there is a thin person just screaming to get out."

Mater drops the hammer: "Just the one, dear?"

I'm the stand-in for a's "thin legs."

I'm Edina's caftan.

I was one of only two items of clothing in her wardrobe that fit.

Alas, I was filled to capacity.

I am THIN AND GORGEOUS!

THIN?!!!!!!!

Saw the movie on tv and was shocked at how fat some people have become.

I am mud. Please help me, because I am being absorbed by Eddie's pores!

Especially Magda, Patsy's boss friend, R240. They made her a nasty yelling shrew too, even though she'd always been mellow and fun in the series.

I'm a frozen blood-head from the Saatchi collection. Eddy wants to buy me and bequeath me to the nation after she dies. I look like bollocks, so I must be worth something.

Wtf happened to Kathy Burke?

She used to be like a page free stunna.

I'm Saffy, and in a prior life I was married before my snooty sisters.

I'm Saffy, and in a prior life I was married before my snooty sisters.

We're the plastic domes on Jane bloody Fonda's chest that Patsy paid for when she bought those exercise tapes. Sorry, Pats, but we're going down with the ship.

I'm Mother's fainting spell when she sees Patsy's botched face lift.

I'm the hot, sexy men that never appeared on the show!

I am the gardener Edina got to fuck and I am , indeed, hot and sexy (even if older). I am also the Moroccon houseboy that all of us would like to drip with honey and lick off of him.

I'm Carpet! I'm madness! I'm carpet madness!

I'm the Small Opening.

I'm the bottle of poppers Eddy snorts to get in the mood for the orgy. I cause a substantial nosebleed.

We are the rent boys from the orgy, including Idris Elba. Contrary to R250's suggestion, we are extremely fuckable.

I'm the Chanel boots that the hustler is ordered NOT to touch. I am also Edina's too small sexy outfit which she bought when she was planning to be thinner.

I'm Saffy's presentation on genetics and ethics.

No one wants to see me.

Everyone wants to see Patsy's porno, instead.

The gardener was none other than Mr. Bingly from BBC's P&P

I'm Joanna Lumley's voice used to dub Katy Grin at the end of the "Carpet Madness" commercial.

I'm fennel twig tea.

I'm a corpse in an open, oaken, oblong coffin. Silky.

I'm a dead body, Pats.

I'm the kettle crisps.

I am Madonna and Guy Itchy ... oh wait, I am just Twiggy and her husband.

I am Saffy's water that broke all over Patsy's dress.

I'm the dress. A one-off Huki Muki. Made from virgin earthworm saliva. I cost a fortune.

We're the actually funny jokes in anything after "The Last Shout." We are few and far between.

I'm [html removed]Titicaca[html removed] I mean Sarah

I'm full tit and minge!

I'm the little coffins full of bones and bumps, all that's left of Morgan Fairchild and her ilk, three days after they die.

I’m the infection caused by Edina’s navel piercing in NYC.

I'm Saffron's wardrobe full of little murderers!

I'm carpet. Madness. CARPET MADNESS!

I’m THURSDAY!

[quote]I think I hated the way she treated her African husband the most, actually. Pure shrew and he didn't deserve any of it.

He did turn out to be a guy having a harem of wives and she was just one of them. And, I believe, during the time he was seen on the show she was a hormonal mess because of being pregnant with his child.

I kind of love that that Saffy got a taste for black dick after her first time with Yentop in Marocco. In her own way she really was rebelling against her mother.

I am the drag queen Edina's mom mistakes as Patsy in Orgy, ups, I mean Sex.

I am the worst you could ever say to someone else:

I hardly know her!

I’m Fat Adam.

I’m offered as a “contrast” to the gay rent boy Edina chooses for the orgy.

Luckily, I am rejected in favour of Idris Elba.

I am the plate Lulu licks clean at her dinner meeting with Eddie.

I am wisdom from Bubble:

[quote]That's what everyone says. "I'm celibate! I'm celibate!" Pig ugly and can't get a poke, more like.

I am the psychic psychologist, paid to interpret your dreams and no i can't find a little depth.

I’m a pair of slacks. When Edina wears me, she looks like a zeppelin in a condom.

I’m Chukhani. Green is your color. Now pay me.

I was the Elizabeth Taylor of the Ming dynasty. But now I’ve just ended up a mad, fat old cow.

I am the monkey at London Zoo. Patsy does not know me

I’m the bloody Russians who Magda won’t use in the magazine.

I am Eddie's polite French greeting to Jean-Paul Gaultier.

Am I a bee?

I'm Sondra Lawrence, Marshall's therapist girlfriend. I might think "Hey, It's Great to Grieve!" but I'm terrified of the dead body lying upstairs.