When did you know you were ugly?

It was a rainy night. I had my hair up in rags and just applied some beauty mud. My husband (I call him 'Mister') came home with some drunken juke-joint singer. I didn't think I was so bad, but she say "You sho' issss ugleeeeeeee!!! Ha HAAAAAH!! "

WTF r1??

You a lie, Celie! You knowed you was ugly when your Pa told you you had the ugliest smile this side of creation.

The Color Purple, R2.

I took a selfie for a personal ad about 6 years ago and it was sobering. Neck wattle, dark circles under eyes, gray at the temples. A general puffiness and tiredness.

I decided at that time that I would only be interested in someone if they hit on me first. Hasn't happened yet.

I stopped allowing my photo to be taken about 10 years ago, and I have never taken a selfie. All images that will exist of me, outside the DMV, will be of me in my 20s, when I was beautiful in that way some black Irish men can be.

Growing up I always felt I was ugly, people would tell me I was good looking but I just didn't see it. Later in life when people would hit on me, I would be amazed, why is this hot person interested in me, people of both sexes. I finally decided I wasn't as ugly as I thought I was but I never developed the confidence of someone who was good looking, I always thought I was ugly. Well now I am 65 year old gay male and now I know for the overwhelming majority of people I am ugly. Finally everyone else sees what I have always seen.

I didn't realize I was attractive until college....

In college when someone pointed me out as the guy with big nose.

I had that taken care of a few years later and gained some confidence.

Why would you let a high school experience effect you for ever? I had an experience in school when I was told I was ugly by some strangers. I admit, it really did not effect me except I remember it and it makes me laugh. I admit the opinions of other people aren't always respected. Anyway it was such a funny experience, I think it could be in a teen movie.

The word is "affect" R10. You must be good-looking if you don't know the difference.

I'm not ugly, just average

Oh please no.

Not another thread to indulge in the delusional insanity of DL's many eldergays who are cling to the myth that they were all handsome young princes in their 20s but cursed by the evil witch Ageing have all turned into ugly trolls at 45, so ugly they should only venture out at night, with masks on, lest some poor innocent lay eyes on them

I was born an ugly child.

It seems that for a lot of people the moment comes when they see a photo of themselves.

I have been ugly my whole life. Now I'm in my late 30's and I'm not just ugly, I'm overweight. I am ugly on the inside too. I hate my life so much. I've been alone so far, never had a boyfriend, and never will.

So yah, I've known I was ugly since I was a child.

I have no sense of self worth whatsoever. Thank God I can post my true feelings on this anonymous board.

I'm ugly in photos (I don't take selfies), but average looking in life.

I turned 50 this month and am realizing how old and ugly I am now. Got blocked on Grindr twice last night after sharing my face pic by request. No comment, no " sorry, not my type," just gone. Ouch. Also get pitying looks from the younger gay guys at work now. I always thought I was almost cute but now that I'm old on top of it, I think I need to accept my physical appearance will no longer be something I should hope will be a calling card.

I am not bad-looking but have a relative who is not attractive. Nicest guy in the world and smart. Always makes an effort to help others. People brush him off and he carries on...sad to watch.

Freshman year of college many people told me I was very handsome so that's when I realised I was.

R17 same

Now, I, R20, am 55 and men look straight threw me. But, I still have some satisfying fuckbuddies who came on board years ago and seem to carry over a memory of when I was fuckable so, so they still want to fuck, so I can't complain. Eventually they too, will be gone.

I learned the truth at seventeen, that love was meant for beauty queens...

My ugly realisation was really cemented when I overheard my mother telling my father that my photo wasn't on display beside my siblings' because I "don't photograph well." Most diplomatic way to say your child is full on fug.

When I was born the doctor slapped my mother.

Oh, I don't know. Probably after being told that everyday by strangers, grades k-8.

By virtue of their youth, most young men are good looking if they keep fit and dress well and are well groomed. It's rare to see an ugly young man, though I did today on the street. I felt badly for him, he was so truly homely. But he was walking hand-in-hand with a young woman, so life can't be so bad for him.

R7 I have the same thing except I've always been kind of fat so that's why I assumed nobody really liked me. people still hot on me though and stare at me which has always made me feel awkward. I look back at photos of myself and I can say I was good looking in the past but at the moment those photos were taken I felt like garbage.

Hit on not hot on

When the doctor slapped me, hard and with feeling.

I always thought I was unattractive, when I would go out cruising with friends I always ended up with the hottest guy and the guy I ended up with as my partner was the guy everyone wanted to do. I decided that perhaps I wasn't so bad looking.

R24, many people simply don't photograph well but as R17 said, are average looking in life. And, btw, you're mother was very shallow.

I was very attractive my whole life and I am still very good looking in my late 30's. I'm not fugly yet. I notice some aging though. I estimate I got another 10 good years of being "hot". I'm hot and muscular enough that I can still fuck 18-early 20's twinks. I'm always the "daddy" top. Some old geezer at an adult video store asked me if I was a student at the local college. I have a baby face and I have always been described as being "cute".

I have an older sister that was very attractive like me then BOOM right at about 42 years she hit the wall hard. She is 45 and she looks like an old hag. She is aging rapidly and sometimes I look at her and I get grossed out by her aging. My younger brother told me he suspects she is on meth because that is why she turned into a ghastly hag and is always broke and begging.

I have to admit, I can not imagine people being so focused on their looks. How do you grow up, being so absorbed by your looks? I have known many good looking people and other than helping them get jobs...it never seemed to help them in other ways. It never ever gives them a perfect relationship.

It's a problem when people are rude to you on a daily basis because of something over which you have no control. Bullied by strangers as well as kids at school. It started happening to me at about age 11. (I'm a female.) Finally glad to be invisible in my 40s. If you're a woman, it's a crime not be average looking or hot.

I could have written your post R16.

I've been fat and unattractive all my life but I guess it was around puberty when all the awkward looking guys starting getting good looking and noticed. No one noticed me.

My sister is not very attractive, but always thinks men are hitting on her. She is the low hanging fruit that men will tell her she is beautiful just so they can get laid and it works. Then they don't stick around. So she believes that she is beautiful and doesn't know why she keeps having one night stands that turn into nothing.

I wish I could hug some of you guys who feel so badly about yourselves, really.

I have a certain detachment, though, that I didn't have before. I can honestly say I'm not bad looking or too terribly fat for my age. But I don't kid myself, either.

I was a cute kid, but never thought so, and I think I began to believe I was okay looking as a teenager, but when I would compare myself to the other guys in the locker room, I always felt like a flabby loser. I had my share of hookups in my late teens and twenties, so I thought I must be okay, although I didn't have much confidence. But I never felt ugly until I realized that I had become invisible to the world and especially, after trying to seduce my ex-boyfriend, I saw the look of disgust on his face when he thought I wasn't looking. It's the emotional thing that really makes it sting.

The first time I went to a gay club. I suppose that's why the Orlando shootings didn't bother me much.

I was always considered very good looking, all my life I was told this, by friends, relatives, strangers, whether you're good looking or ugly, the whole world let's you know, & they KEEP letting you know.

I have a female relative who is even more attractive than me, she is truly drop dead gorgeous. Face of an angel, body of a penthouse playmate, gorgeous hair, flawless. I tell you, everywhere she goes people act like a celebrity just walked in. Some women mean mug her, but all eyes are on her. The amount of free stuff that she is given is unbelievable, even from guys who know damn well that they don't have an ice cubes chance in hell. I know it shouldn't be, but looks matter.

looks not very important for men but for women better be above average

Looks are important for men too, don't kid yourself R41. ESPECIALLY gay men.

I was so awkward and gangly as a teenager (plus being closeted and gay) that I felt unattractive.

A photography student asked me to model for him in college, encouraged me to work out, and made some photos I still use.

Now, when people tell me I'm handsome I get embarrassed.

I always treat people who aren't conventionally attractive like they're gorgeous. Kindness is an aphrodisiac.

When I realized my super power was invisibility. I can go into a club, though I don't now and move around anywhere at will. No one notices. I once even walked into the back office of a dance club just to test my theory , I was going to say I was lost if questioned, I swear a guy looked up and then went back to what he was doing never even said a word. I will say the bartenders would notice if I waved money at them, otherwise they would look right through me if I just waved my hand for a drink.

I have always felt ugly and sometimes the kids at school would say it. My mother would comb my hair when I was very young and always tell me I was handsome. I didn't know what to believe. Even to this day, my husband calls me handsome and so did my ex, but I don't believe it because the kids at school said I was ugly, skinny, had zits, etc. I'm not even skinny or zitty now, in fact I'm too heavy for my height. But I do well, and have a loyal husband and a fairly nice life. I just wish I could appreciate it more.

I would say I'm on the average, and I get a lot of male attention (I'm a femme lesbian) however, I do have pretty bad psorasis that affects my arms and neck, so when I'm out and wearing short sleeved shirts, people always ask and act like I'm contagious. It's frustrating because there is not much you can do for it and I feel like it definitely hinders me.

[quote][R24], many people simply don't photograph well but as [R17] said, are average looking in life.

I’ve seen some shockingly bad photos of people that I consider smoking hot. So much so, I do a double take because it just doesn’t make sense.

I feel like MOST people are average looking, and that's not a bad thing. We've got to stop comparing ourselves to the Gios, Coltons and Steve Grands of the world--just to keep our sanity. It's hard though. I'm not the nicest person to super good-looking people.

I was told "She sure gave you a dirty look." When I asked "who?" the reply was "Mother Nature."

[quote]after trying to seduce my ex-boyfriend, I saw the look of disgust on his face when he thought I wasn't looking.

I wanna read more about this @ r38

I've been told twice recently that I resemble someone ugly. The hard part is, I can see what they're talking about. It makes me want to not go out of the house. I might get mugged or beat up.

I'm depressed anyway, so this doesn't help.

I don't know why people feel the need to tell other people who they look like. I never let them finish telling me.

Pics please!

True R47 I always thought my father was an average looking guy but he photographs well. An ad agency rented his business to do a photoshoot and in the preliminary interview they took a picture of him and wanted him to be in the shoot. He declined since he is basically a shy person.

In my teens I knew an ugly girl who photographed like a goddess, & beautiful girl who looked terrible in pictures. What causes that?

I've never been called ugly but when I take pics of myself on my cellphone I look soooo bad.

Pretty is as pretty does.

I always suspected I was unattractive but it was confirmed when I started to socialize with gay peers. Even in a strictly platonic environment I am consistently ignored, overlooked and excluded. I find out about parties and excursions AFTER they have occurred. No one cares how I feel being left out of something fun. I am always called on when a warm body is required to fill a seat but never when they want to go somewhere and make an impression. And these guys are NOT especially attractive, maybe just moderately better-looking than me.

Yesterday

"By virtue of their youth, most young men are good looking..."

LOL!

R45 just opened up alot of pain for me...because being invisible is my life.

When you're not totally sexy in the NY gay world, you're invisible. I try to ignore it. I really try, but it gets to me when not a single gay guy will look at me as I walk down the street.

I'm good; I'm nice; I'm smart; I have a great job--none of that seems to matter to anyone if I'm not hot too.

I have thought I was ugly at most stages of my life , but looking back at old picture, I was really handsome.

R57 wow, that's me too, I hate it when I think I make a connection and he never contacts me again.

...when a guy I was dating said, "I tried all the really cute guys. The experiences weren't so good so I thought I'd go for you." He really said that.

My face seemed to reassemble itself when I hit 40 and I became something of a hot dad after being kinda gross for most of my life.

When I looked into that mirror, I knew I'd always be ugly. I said, Lizzie you'll always be plain.

I've never known a time when I didn't feel unattractive. My whole life my father would tell me that I "put the UG in UGly" or openly laugh at me when I would get dressed up for a special event. Didn't matter how kind I was, that I had straight A's, or that I was never in any trouble - I was ugly in his eyes. Moved out at 18, and never went back. Didn't even see him for 8 years, until I went to see a family member's baby.

My younger sister is attractive, and he told her she was stupid all the time. My brother is a wonderful father though - have NO idea where that came from - Mom's influence, I guess.

Mother always said I'd be very attractive When I grew up, when I grew up "Diff'rent, " she said, "With a special something And a very, very personal flair." And though I was eight or nine Though I was eight or nine Though I was eight or nine I hated her

When my brother Paulie told me I was busted!

I am constantly telling all of my friends, "Beauty, beauty, look at you - I wish to God I had it too!"

I've been told about 4 times I look like "a young Stephen King". I don't know what to make of that.

It ain't good R70.

If you're hot and really don't know it, I wanna meet you. If you're ugly and don't know it, not so much.

I started out fairly handsome and blond, but as I entered adolescence my hair started to darken and my looks to become distinctly average. And then when I was in my 20s and started gaining weight, forget about it. I had ex-boyfriends I overheard explain to others that I used to be a model (well really just a couple times) and have an A list partner as an explanation for why they invited me to something. And then I would hear, you look great, have you lost weight every single time I saw them, which made me realize either they had a picture of me in their heads as one of those people on my 600 pound life or that was the one fact about me, that I was fat and might be manageable with a faint compliment, that drove all others out of their brain in an OCD manner.

When? Been called ugly my entire life, and I was relentlessly bullied in my childhood. Lets just say I've always known.

I can't even imagine what that must be like, it must be hell to be ugly. Some ugly people seem to manage to be in denial about it though. I wonder if that's just a facade, or are they really deluded. Bad enough that we all have to lose our looks eventually, but to be ugly all your life, what hell.

I didn't see a response from AIKC. Did I miss it???

I know a woman who just kind of figured out she's a faccia brutta because she herself photoshop herself to death and even melds her own pics with that of celebrities from that site. You can always tell if it's a double or triple meld and who the celebs are. She then waits for people to say "You're beautiful' in the comments. Saddest bitch ever.

I don't know....I've met so many people that I found attractive but they consider themselves the opposite.

I joined Adam4Adam and was looking around and then I looked at all the men who viewed my profile and they were all over 60 and ugly.

When we were very young, in high school, we noticed men always looking at us.

Back then we thought it was because we were ugly.

Only later did we learn that it was just the opposite!

I'm here dahling R76. I've always been considered attractive, but my confidence didn't match my looks. After being bullied and beaten up as a youngster for being mixed race and perceived as gay or "soft" (one of my nicknames was twinkle toes because I had the goofiest walk ever) I had to overcome feelings of low self worth and self-esteem.

Only when I grew tall and reached young adulthood did I come to like myself and reinvent myself as the person I wanted the world to perceive me as. And be ready to stand my ground come whatever, to enforce this. I was NOT going to allow others to dictate the narrative for my life, or allow others to define me.

I have never been too photogenic however. I work certain angles to my best advantage. The pictures on my driver's licenses gets progressively worse each renewal as I get older. My self confidence really turned things around for me. I was hell bent that I'd rather take an ass kicking and go down fighting, than be bullied and allow others to call the shots for me in life.

[quote]After being bullied and beaten up as a youngster for being mixed race and perceived as gay or "soft" (one of my nicknames was twinkle toes because I had the goofiest walk ever) I had to overcome feelings of low self worth and self-esteem.

So former President Obama not only read the DL but posts here too

I wouldn't know R82. But he'd probably be posting like you indicated and not trolling someone else. Minding his OWN business, because he had some business of his OWN to mind in the first place. Too bad YOU don't.

Anonymous in Kansas City

The post that said his ex made a vomit face after he tried to seduce him is fucking hilarious

I have one of those weird faces that some people find quite handsome, and some people find really unattractive. I've had guys rave about my face, telling me I should model, and I've heard other guys refer to me as that ugly guy they know. It took me most of my life to understand that I would never know what people thought of my looks. I once asked a stylist friend about it and he just looked at my face and said that because my face was dark and angular that I was a "type" that you either got, or you hated.

If I had been a confident person I probably would have been able not to think about it much, but how many gays are confident about their looks? I did once know a guy who was really quite unattractive but who was so incredibly secure, confident, and well-adjusted that he was able to connect with other guys in a way that just amazed his friends.

I don't think straight men think about their looks nearly as much, but I guess that's because in straight relationships women are the ones who are more likely to be the object of visual beauty. Gay guys make such a big deal about their partner's looks. I know so many women who actually don't want a good looking man as a partner because they feel he won't support them, care for their family, or remain faithful.

I'd say that I first realised I was ugly when I was twelve. My school had started doing a yearbook (which was weird, given that the school was in the UK) and we were all encouraged to pose outside in a group for a class photo. One of the little bitches in my class pushed me forward just as the photo was being taken and there it is, my 12-year-old face frozen in time in a look of shock and horror. When you're told by your classmates that you looked fat, ugly or fat and ugly *and* poor, it starts to dig in. I had five more years of stupid fucking yearbook photographs and then, when I was seventeen, decided "well, fuck the lot of you" and left some rather choice comments in people's yearbooks (my favourite was a girl called Claire, who I said would look fabulous with a faded blonde dye-job and wearing an ASDA tabard). I was ugly and pretty vicious and I've been that way ever since. Fuck being handsome - your looks are just a combination of how your facial muscles lie on your skull combined with the amount of fat and condition of your skin combined with the amount of hair on your head. It's all temporary, darlings.

I told a bartender who was polishing glasses:

"I went out last night and didn't meet anyone special".

"Yeah?" he replied. "But frightened hundreds."

I was ugky in high school. Went to my 30th HS reunion... realozed I aged Ok and looked like tbe best one there. So ugly duckling tiurned swan.

when you live in a culture in where the ideal beauty is a white guy, blond, brunette whatever, and you're not, it's easy to think you're ugly, especially when you're young. My dad is middle eastern and I inherited his looks and so going up in a really white suburb, I was considered "ugly". But when I grew up and got out of there, I found what was considered ugly back in the suburbs is now exotic, sexy. So living in a big city it's easier to see oneself as attractive because of the many types of good looking men there are in a big metropolis.

But as others mentioned, I'm still surprised when people compliment me on my good looks. When I first met my current boyfriend online (we're going on 6 years) he completed me on my nose. My nose! I told him if I had the money I'd have plastic surgery to change it. he told me it's one of my best features. So there you go.

oops ^^complimented^^

[quote] But I never felt ugly until I realized that I had become invisible to the world and especially, after trying to seduce my ex-boyfriend, I saw the look of disgust on his face when he thought I wasn't looking. It's the emotional thing that really makes it sting.

[quote]R38 I wanna read more about this @ [R38]

[quote]R84 The post that said his ex made a vomit face after he tried to seduce him is fucking hilarious

Okay, here goes. Looking back, I was a pretty good-looking teenager, although I never though so because of the constant pimples. And I grew into a pretty good-looking young man, judging from photos, although I didn't think so at the time.

My ex-boyfriend and I got together in our early 20s, and he's still the love of my life, even though we've been separated longer than we were together. I just figured we'd age together and accept how we both age. The truth is, I've aged more than he has, put on more weight. He still always wants a hug when he stops by, and he gives me a quick kiss on the lips, and lets me kiss his neck a bit before leaving (he always smells wonderful).

Long ago, after our initial separation, we'd still make out a bit every now and then, but no full-on sex. Maybe a little under-the-shirt action, kissing and (clothed) frottage. That particular time, he had been letting my suck his nips, and I could see how hard he had gotten. Then an abrupt, "M, we have to stop" and he drew away. It was so quick, that I sort of stared ahead for a few seconds, then turned around, to see him rolling his eyes and sighing loudly with his tongue sticking out. That was the end, for me, of ever pretending we'd reconnect in that way. In the past few years, he's actually dropped hints about marriage, but I've moved beyond. Like I said, I love him, but that incident left a permanent scar.

R7 described my experience pretty much exactly.

As soon as I understood what a mirror was. Before that I had my mother to tell me.

My sister is beautiful, drop dead gorgeous. She was teased because of her teeth growing up, which is ironic considering that our dad is a cosmetic dentist. She had an overbite and just bad teeth overall, although they were always white. She had an extreme fear of the dentist and refused braces until 22. Because of her looks, men always dated her even with the bad teeth. She was socially crippled knowing that anyone's go-to insult would be her teeth. She is now the definition of perfection, but she's socially awkward from all the years of not wanting to be around people.

R94

It's easy to still see yourself as the ugly kid even as a swan.

When I went outside and a bunch of villagers came lunging at me torches.

^^with torches

I didn't know I was attractive until I went into my first gay bar at 19. Ever since then (and after 2 relationships that between them lasted 30 years), I still get hit on in bars despite the fact in my 60's. But I've learned to ignore the well built, attractive guys who are always on the prowl and focus instead on the "average" looking guys with intelligence, sincerity and substance. Anybody who hooks up solely on appearances in probably going to be disappointed.

It probably sounds cliche, nonetheless, you HAVE to have a sense of SELF, especially today, selflessness is very dangerous. Lots of people go through life without finding that 'soulmate'...has little to do with outside looks.

Years ago I walked with frIends down 5th Ave NYC...I'm tall, black and turned lots of heads on 5th Ave...one of my buddies actually got annoyed. The next day we were walking through the Village. We started across te street when 3 black gay men had the nerve to say out loud to me 'ump, ump, ump".

Today people look through me...they take little or no notice. Looks fade, and while I still have some great genes from my Mother's family I know that in 'gay years I've been dead' LOL. I'm glad I wasn't brought up to take looks too seriously...being respectful and cheerful and helpful to your fellow human being will attract the right people...not young people with a limited perception of life. Be good to yourself!!!

I had VERY low self esteem in high school. I thought I was SO unattractive. I couldn't stand to look at pictures of myself. When I started shaving at 14 years old I had to look in the mirror at my face. I found a way around that. I started shaving in the shower without a mirror. Many years later my friend showed me a photo he'd taken of me and our other friend when I was 16. I was pretty good looking. I couldn't believe how decent I looked. When I was 16 my looks caused me more concern than even being gay.

Some kid told me that I was the ugliest person they've ever seen.

I wasn't just told that I looked like I'd been hit with an ugly stick, I was told that I looked like I fell from the top of an ugly tree and hit every limb on the way down. 🤪