Agoraphobia

I had agoraphobia for about a month before. I decided to force myself to go outside no matter. I knew it could get much worse. I haven't had it again for 20 years on. Force yourself even if your fat, have nothing to wear, feel like shit, etc. There's too much going on in the world to waste your life away. I had a neighbor who wouldn't leave her cul de sac for 30 years and died a pitiful depressed alcoholic.

I have social anxiety and a touch of agoraphobia, I rarely leave the house and spend all day on the internet.

Ditto. I get anxiety just knowing I have to go out. It takes me over two hours to mentally "get ready" to leave the house.

I don't have that problem.

I thought I was fucked up.

OP is Richard Simmons?

How do you agoraphobics hold down jobs? Do you work from home?

OP, if it isn't caused by severe anxiety or panic attacks then you are making this decision on your own. And sadly it may be because you are too lazy to put the effort into going out.

R8 Or sadly, going out isn't particularly rewarding. All I feel after I do is relief at being back home again.

Therapy and/or meds. What have you got to lose?

Do you drive? You don't feel safe and comfortable in a car?

I thought I had agoraphobia years ago. It turned out that going off of valium cold turkey made me paranoid.

I have no problem going to work every day. Shopping ect. but on the weekends I rarely leave my home. Aging I guess.

NEVER go off a med cold turkey.

You're not agoraphobic, OP You simply prefer being at home - a homebody - and an attention whore. Stop trying to cultivate this non-eccentricity.

I don't think I'm agoraphobic, but I do find myself staying home more and more. I'm retired, and try to plan my errands and appointments so that I don't have to shower and get dressed to go out more than three or four times a week. I spend far too many days at home in sweatpants on the internet or watching TV. But I think it's more laziness and boredom (and not wanting to deal with the horrendous traffic in my area) than agoraphobia.

I am the same way, OP. It started after I retired. After years of commuting an hour and a half each way each day, working ten hours a day, and going out on my days off because I thought I HAD to for a fulfilling life, I discovered that it was nice just to stay in and have things delivered. Because I could. Now, except for a trip to the bank to get cash, or to mail a letter, or to go to the corner store to get something before my grocery delivery, I can happily stay inside for weeks at a time. I do think it's something that comes with age. A certain feeling of being vulnerable in ways you never felt before. I live in New York and the old are easy prey. I am also a night owl but walking around at night or taking the subway does make me anxious now. If you are comfortable with it then don't stress yourself out worrying that it's a problem that you have to overcome. It may just be your intuition telling you it's not safe and to stay the hell inside. Good luck.

I prefer staying home and staying naked I only go out to walk my dog. I hate it when people walk towards me. I just fucking walk I don't say hi or make eye contact, I hate people.

I think the internet has really changed things since it is so easy to interact with people electronically now. No need to risk actual encounters with real people. No need to worry about how you look or what they think of you. You can cultivate strangers without really getting to know them and communicate with people you know without actually having to deal with them in person. It's a not so brace new world.

I am 52 and unfortunately unemployed and I can easily see myself getting this way. However I was always out and very social and now I find it is frigging exhausting. I look forward to not speaking to people, though I still make a point of going out every day for the newspapers or something.

I never go no more than 2 days without shaving because I think men over 50 look and feel awful with more than a 2 day beard.

With some exceptions.

I HAVE to get outside everyday. I don't necessarily have to go talk to people, but I need to get outside.

I'm okay going out places with someone but alone I get an intense feeling like stage fright.

I did so much traveling in my 30s and 40s (international plus living overseas for 8 years), that staying home now is just a luxurious feeling for me.

Love getting up, feeding the pets, making coffee and settling into work, taking breaks. While the rest of the world commutes, deals with traffic and other annoyances.

Nope. Life at home is my dream.

I was painfully shy as a child but instead of growing out of it, it just seemed to get worse as I got older.

I think mine is laziness & generalised post-depressive fear/anxiety comorbid with something genetic, as my grandmother was also a big-time Agoraphobic of decades.

She didn't drink and wasn't depressed, she just married someone who was and pretty much developed social PTSD after being forced to bear a brood of kids in poverty.

I don't have those excuses, am much younger than she was and I am depressed/medicated. But still I wonder if there's something in the genes as it feels like a very natural state. I've been antisocial my whole life even before depression, so.

I had it for a long time as a child because I was afraid of the bullies at school. As soon as I got home from school I stayed put inside. I grew out of it by high school, but then it came back in a severe way when I was 20. I didn’t leave the house for a month, in fact at one point I didn’t leave the sofa for about three weeks. I had to go speak to each of my professors and explain what happened. My GPA crashed but they didn’t give me Fs. They were all sympathetic and anyway it was community college not Harvard. What had happened was I had developed an acute case of panic disorder plus major depression. So I was terrified of having a panic attack in public. After they medicated me I got better although then I became paranoid of always carrying either the pill bottle in my knapsack or a pill wrapped in foil in my wallet...just in case. The funny thing was, the pill was called hydroxyzine and it was basically just a cousin to Benadryl. It wasn’t anything major like Xanax or Valium, but it helped. Made me groggy though, as antihistamines often do. Nowadays it’s considered a messy drug because of side effects and benzos are ‘cleaner’ although of course addictive.

Right on, R19. Sadly Internet has exacerbated & enabled my agoraphobic tendencies in a big way.

Has anyone recovered from it permanently, and if so how did you do it?

I'm not sure it's agoraphobic, since that would be a fear of open spaces, and they don't bother me, but I hate leaving my apartment because I don't want to talk or be seen by anyone. Yes I'm fat. If I could be invisible it would be ideal. I have problems emptying my trash because I wait until night to do it so there's less chance of being seen by anyone or running into a neighbor. So I put it off and put it off. When I have to leave, like to go to classes, I will, but if I don't have to, it's very easy to lock myself in. And everything can be delivered now, or almost everything, which makes it easier not to leave.

Could be Social Anxiety Disorder, not a fear of crowds and associated panic attacks as much as just having to talk to people, deal with conflicts, being criticized/judged by others.

You wanna see agoraphobia?

"I haven't been out of this apartment in 22 years!"

R29 I dealt with these same feelings for 10 years and I will never get those years back. If you can get therapy or at the very least force yourself to go out then do so. I realized that I do not have to interact with people when I go out and i made a conscious decision to do just that.

How do you guys support yourselves ? I work from home myself but struggle to make enough so I have to find something more/additional and I can't because I'm afraid I won't be able to readjust to normal life/schedule outside of home. Getting out of bed before 11am has become impossible despite pills. I'm dreading job interviews.

I wish I were an extrovert.

I don't have agoraphobia, but I'm generally lazy. And being retired and not having a lot of things that require me to leave the house makes it a lot easier to just sit around and play on the internet or watch TV. I thought I'd be doing a lot more after I retired, but most days I just don't want to deal with getting dressed and then fighting the 24/7 traffic.

Common theme seems to be that the world outside is beyond some people's sensory capacity to take in. I've spent portions of my life like this despite genuinely caring about people and enjoying having a social life. For people who are sensitive, disabled, or a bit slower due to aging, the world has become overwhelming. More and more people talking faster, driving everywhere, rushing around without consideration of where they're going or who is in the way. OP, I don't believe you're in trouble, but you could try just getting out every now and then for the fresh air. Early mornings are wonderful for avoiding the crazy.

I struggled with agoraphobia for ten years. Terrible panic attacks developed into being afraid to go past my front door . Worked with behavioral therapist on desensitizing, but still not good, Finally was able to talk to psychiatrist on phone who prescribed antidepressants, it worked. It took practice and perseverance but finally able to work,travel,have fun with friends without feeling like a hunts rabbit. Sometimes, under great stress have mini panic but able to work thru. It is caused by severe depression. Get meds and therapy if you want to get better.

What is the best kind of therapy for SAD? I’ve had extensive CBT, IPT and even Hypno for agora and none of them helped at all.

SAD is best treated by regular ingestion of vit D and taking in as much sunshine as possible. Getting out, forcing yourself to interact, is the best therapy for those who tend to isolate and progress into true agoraphobia and social anxiety. It's frightening, but if you have someone to accompany you, it's really the only way. Group therapy is a good first step to help you get started in being able to interact appropriately. I always asked myself this in those moments of panic: 'am I bleeding or dying?' - this helped me to separate true fear from the one(s) I was manufacturing in my mind.

If you can't access group therapy, try a local support group. Your local newspaper should have a listing. Good luck, OP. I know what you're going through.

It's not so uncommon. There are different degrees of it and it can change, get worse or get better.

The first thing to remember is not to berate yourself over it. Show yourself some compassion.

Perhaps you associate being outside with only negative things. If you can, meet friends and go to a café or something. Do nice things. This will create a positive association with being outside.

There are plenty of resources online that can help you.

Don't watch the news (it "contrives to make us frightened") and take small metaphorical steps.

Good luck

Agoraphobia: You have a panic disorder and you start to avoid places and situations that have caused you to have panic attacks in the past.

If these aren't your symptoms, you don't have agoraphobia.

I have agoraphobia that is only minimally controlled by medication. I have a job but my commute can only be about five minutes from home.

I can't drive on the freeway or across open spaces or travel by airplane. Heights also get to me.

I can actually do all of these things (except maybe the driving!) if I drug myself into a zombie-like state with Xanax. I do that a few times per year when it's really important, but I have a healthy respect for how addictive Xanax can be.

Believe me, I DON'T want to just stay at home. I have to because the possible consequences are so unbearable.

I'm just like you, R34. Plus, I'm living on a small pension, so I save $ if I don't go anywhere, movies, restaurants, etc. But I do walk the dog at least twice a day -- that's free!

I have a touch of Agoraphobia but my main issue is Social Anxiety Disorder, I've had it since as long as I can remember but it got so severe in my teens that I had to drop out of high school and pretty much became housebound.

Thanks R38/R39/R40. I’m not OP but I do seem to have some kind of chronic SAD and post here for help. Every bit of practical advice and encouragement is useful to people like me.

I already take high vit-D supplements and try to go outside everyday, but lack of friends and lack of drive to make them holds me back on all the rest of it. Group therapy is an intriguing idea but I am put off by the idea having recovered from depression myself already (it’s no picnic being someone with emotional illness much less being around them). I try not to beat myself up but it’s weird being 20-something and friendless...

As much as forums like DL can become a crutch and hinder social progress, they also bring comfort in the knowledge that many people these days are going through it. It makes me feel less freakish and alone.

I really love this thought:

[quote] I always asked myself this in those moments of panic: 'am I bleeding or dying?' - this helped me to separate true fear from the one(s) I was manufacturing in my mind.

This is also great advice. I quit the ‘news’ years ago and it really helped reduce my panic:

[quote] Don't watch the news (it "contrives to make us frightened") and take small metaphorical steps.

I feel this way in the Winter, I'd just prefer to stay in my place.

r44 Hang in there I suffer from some of the same issues, I'm in my mid 30's. I hope you find peace, calm, happiness, friends and more in your life.

R45 Seasonal Affective Disorder?

Which irksomely has the same acronym as Social Anxiety Disorder.

I'm fascinated by all of this, because I'm afraid I'm developing the same thing. It seemed to only really start this year. I just have this overwhelming sense of paranoia and dread. I thought maybe it was Trump in the White House, but it seems like our days are numbered. I've always been shy and not terribly social, but I've been able to get out and do things and go to parties when need be. Recently, though, I've been finding it difficult to breathe and hard to swallow (even when I'm not eating or have nothing in my mouth) when I'm out in certain places. It doesn't matter if I'm alone or with others and it seems to come upon me for no reason. It's been very strange. I'm wondering what the hell is happening here.

I tell people (ppl) I'm not agoraphobic because I'm not afraid to go out, I just don't want to.

Why not?

Tips & tricks to keep my friendless, unemployed self out of the house and social around a job search?

I’ve found that being unemployed and job seeking has driven friends away and eats up my time/energy/enthusiasm so I have no desire to be around people as I hunt.

I go out on occasion, but I find other people to be a pain in the ass, so staying in just seems more sensible.

For me, my unwillingness to go out is compounded by the fact that I have nowhere to go TO.

I have a handful of good, lifelong friends but they all live abroad or hundreds of miles away. I can’t stand there’s family member I’m not estranged from (due to reasons beyond my instigation or control). I’m not getting work, and I can’t relate to the people in my little town enough to want to go to a coffeeshop every day and drag my way through the unbearable tedium endless job applications. I don’t have enough financial security right now to just split and run away to the City. I also can’t legally drive and can’t even afford the expense of a decent road bike right now. It’s a serious issue.

If I just had somewhere easily accessible I could hang out every other day with some relatable peers (and no pressure to socialise or work or go through all the rigmarole of today’s fucked-up dynamics) I’d show up with a smile. But unless you’re 16 and living with accepting folks in a cultural hub, that’s a futile dream. I just talk to you guys to fill the void.

*I can’t stand the family members I’m not estranged from.

Psychs, please weigh in - is agora/AVPD more commonly comorbid with anxiety or depression?

R2 how do you work or get money then? Or do you work from home?

My quasi-agoraphobic Dad has become obsessed with last year’s OUTSIDERS tv series on Netflix. Apparently that’s his dream life, and there are some days I get why that’s his ideal.

I purposely built myself a great audiophile stereo system so I can spend a lot of time listening to great music only going out for errands and the gym.

Honestly I'd like to have a life of love, company, and affection but it was not in my destiny.

Like they say you don't find love it finds you and it didn't happen.

I'm not agoraphobic, but I do enjoy my own company and I've always been a homebody. Home is safe, comfortable, convenient, relaxing and peaceful. I have everything I need within reach. I don't like having to deal with rude, loud, selfish people who seem to be multiplying out in the world. Traffic and crowds are a hassle (God, I wouldn't care if I never fly anywhere again).

One thing has changed for me recently re. staying home more. I'm paranoid about this year's flu --- hearing that perfectly fit, healthy people are dropping dead from it makes me not want to be in anyone else's orbit.

I sympathize with R59's flu avoidance plan.... yet people like he who use the word "orbit" this way are also worth avoiding in public.

Can you handle getting a dog? A puppy will force you to go outside and have tiny interactions with people without any commitment. Of course my puppy made me happy too and now we jog together and I’m losing weight.

Of course with ssri and Wellbutrin thrown in plus my puppy.

Get a pug.

^Better yet. Get a baby AND a pug.

^Oops.

I'm too busy to have agoraphobia. There is nothing I enjoy more than a weekend at home alone to do whatever I want. Rarely happens.

I'm R58. In all the time and rarely in contact with other people.

Last week one morning after feeling something of a cold I collapsed and had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital.

Spent 3 days on an IV of antibiotics.

Pneumonia infection and I have no idea how in hell I got it when I'm in most of the time and have no physical contact with people.

I said to the doctor what did I do wrong and he said 'nothing, it happens.'

Huh?

OP, how do you earn a living?

OP, a surefire way to get over agoraphobia?

Play a cat-and-mouse game with a serial killer online, where you taunt him and he chases you out of your house. Just make sure you wear a pair of red pumps! They might save your life!

Damn, R69 beat me by 14 minutes

bump

I don't like to go out. Even when I am dying for fast food...I just can't go.

You came into contact with someone when shopping or getting delivery, r58. He's right, it just happens.

R62, is that a good combo? Better than only the ssri?

[quote]I purposely built myself a great audiophile stereo system

What'd you buy?

Amateur.

I haven't left the big house on Widow's Hill for 18 years.

I'm glad I found this thread. Though according to R41's post I don't have clinical agoraphobia, I do feel like my tolerance for going out has been getting less and less (and it was never very high to begin with.) I can get myself out to work and shopping, I walk my dog and talk to fellow dog owners in the park, but basically once I'm home for the evening that is IT and I really can't or won't bestir myself to do anything. Like I said, I was never a bar/club/party person, but I at least used to like to go out to movies and concerts.

Now there's seldom any movies I want to see (fuck you, Marvel!), and I find myself always buying concert tickets in bursts of misplaced optimism, but then deciding at the last minute that I really, really don't want to go and bailing. It wastes money, but going seems like so much hassle for so little reward.

I can't decide whether this is a genuine mental health issue, middle-age malaise, fear and loathing of present-day America, or all of the above.

Why go out when you can be full entertained all day on the internet ? If I didn’t have to work, I wouldn’t go out. How do you people find jobs to work from home. So lucky.

50 year old lesbian here. I find going out exhausting. I go to work every week day but sit at home weekend after weekend. Now I’m forcing myself to go out to do my grocery shopping (used to get it all delivered).

I spent about a year and a half never leaving my house after my 1st husband died. I probably wouldnt have left it even then but it got repoed. The only places that would deliver to my house were a chinese place,a pizza place and a liquor store. So I ate nothing but take out (put on 50 lbs) and drank myself insensible. I ignored the phone,the mail,knocks at the door,everything.The few times I left the house in that year and a half was to sell some valuables for money,or run down and pay the light bill an hour before it was going to be shut off. I really could relate to Miss Haversham after that ordeal,I truly felt like if I didnt move forward he wouldnt be dead and it was all just a bad dream. I did let my one friend who was my pot dealer in,but no one else. A truly dark time for me.I wont ever let myself get like that again.

Depression is a bitch. Had Ana unt who suffered a major episode after birth of her last son and wouldn’t leave house for next 35 years - until she died. One good thing about having to work - forced to keep moving forward and dealing with people.