Guys are seeking "chill" and "laid back" Dudes

Hey, if "chill" can be an adjective, anything goes.

Define "chill" and "laid back" with human examples

A lot of these terms in personals are so subjective as to give readers no guidance on whether they meet the writers' standards.

Because too many people who claim to be looking for sex are too anxious about it, and that anxiety is twisted into endless demands for hyper-specific types, specific sex acts, and endless pic verification. The enjoyment disappears. People want friendly, easygoing partners and more-or-less affirming sexual experiences.

"Chill" and "laid back" can also be codewords for masc, since a lot of the anxiety ridden types come across as nelly.

But the ads say "not looking for sex or hookups!"

Can an effeminate or stereotypical dude be chill and laid back?

[quote]Define "chill" and "laid back" with human examples

Who dat?

Realjock tackled this issue

...to me its someone who doesn't feak out unnecessarily over the little things and knows how to take things in stride. A laidback person to me knows when and how to have a good time while still being able to get the job done when needed, they have a "go with the flow" attitude towards most things. In short...they strike the balance between being professional/mature and being fun, spontaneous and affableicon_biggrin.gif QUOTE REPORT SPAM

Well you see, Anglos, WASPs or however you want to call them come across as too uptight and full of themselves and these are not pleasant attributes to have. So somebody who is the opposite will be laid back and relaxed, personable.

Chill laidback = no drama queens

Another viewpoint: I've always read the term as code. Gay code for "I'm masculine and easy going" when in fact they are not. Or, they have severe internalized homophobia that equates queerness with a certain high-pitched dramatic intensity. It's why I also dislike seeing the term masculine over-used in profiles.

[quote]Who dat?

Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused.

Matthew 'we should embrace Donald Trump' McConaughey ? Ewwww

It sounds like the gay version of the "cool girl" from Gone Girl.

McConaughey and Marie Osmond should embrace each other.

No fats or femmes or asians

Or blacks, you forgot that one R16

R18 here, I meant R17

R4 FTW

Yes to blacks

I have seen those terms used on Craigslist in the "roommates" ads during my college years among young guys looking for roommates. I wondered what it was about too and finally figured it out. It's said by millennials, often big pot smokers. They like to party but also be serious about school, work, etc. Millenials, especially ones on the west coast, strive to give an appearance that they hate drama and just want to have a good time all the time. These types are really annoying. 0ften frat boy types or wannabes.

It's the opposite of a Type A or upright, high maintenance person

Laid back bros are the best

Indeed

I prefer a shrill harpy

It's also big to say "no worries" a lot.

It probably means they're hyper sensitive to criticism about any of their personal habits, hygiene or employment status.

[quote]I have seen those terms used on Craigslist in the "roommates" ads during my college years among young guys looking for roommates.

It's not even being a pot smoker or anything like that. Some people are just naturally more laid back than others, for better or worse. Someone who is laid back should not live with someone who is more type A, it is guaranteed to cause tons of problems.

"chill" and "laid back" are used so often they mean virtually nothing. plus it's stupid sounding.

It's meant to convey you are cool, hip

masc., chill, laid back, drama-free blah blah blah blah. Just take out your cock already.

[quote] Millenials, especially ones on the west coast, strive to give an appearance that they hate drama and just want to have a good time all the time. These types are really annoying. 0ften frat boy types or wannabes.

An excerpt from Chapter 2 of "The Decline and Fall of the American Gay Male."

[quote] "chill" and "laid back" are used so often they mean virtually nothing. plus it's stupid sounding.

Dudebro slang is inarticulate and provincial and thus a real turnoff.

[quote] It's meant to convey you are cool, hip

Which are buzzwords that mean "I'm a slave to modern trends even when they make me look like a jackass."

But the people often considered hot or desirable think it's cool, so most emulatecit because they want to be among the cool kids too

It's code for "won't freak out when he sees I weigh a bit more than I said in my profile"

The deeper irony of presenting this question to a group of overmedicated Xanax queens is worth pointing out.

That was funny, R15. Good job!

I also think that they refer to pot smokers because the usually are chill,and laid back !

It's a polite way of saying they don't want femme.

Can femme guys be chill?

I always though that chill and laid back was code for being a stoner

No R41, femme guys are by definition shrieking, histrionic drama queens. They cannot, ever, be chill.

I asked a friend about what, "no drama" meant. I work in opera, seriously, so I'm thinking possibly in different terms than others.

My friend replied, "I means don't be like my ex". I'm grateful to have friends like him.

As a guy who grew up in the 70s, I would basically translate this as "mellow." That's what you had to be in the 70s, pretty much.

If you're mellow though I don't see why you'd want another mellow guy in your life. I am mellow and pretty masculine (I totally fly under the gaydar) and being with another guy like me would not be very interesting.

Chill/laid back means exactly that.

It means if we roll into town at 10pm on a Friday night and there's a big game at the local U he doesn't make you keep driving if the first hotel with a vacancy is a Days Inn with a room with a view of a row of AC compresors.

It means he doesn't throw a screaming shit fit in the airport when our flight is delayed and delayed again due to a blizzard in Chicago.

It means he counts to ten silently and shows patience when your 80 year old mother drives fearfully in a rainstorm because he knows his relatives ain't perfect either.

It means he doesn't go off on you the minute you walk in the door for not responding to his texts .

It means when you ask if he wants Italian or Thai and he says he doesn't care as long as it's edible and soon and you pull in at the first Olive Garden he really is OK with it and doesn't pout if he had a craving for Thai.

It means if he had a craving for Thai he just says so.

It means he's inclined to look on your quirks with amusement and not annoyance.

It means there is an allowance for being an imperfect human with baggage because he recognizes he's no different

Well said man

Rarely do you see someone write as clearly and intelligently as R46 on DL.

Solid, bro.

R46 nailed it. Even his writing is Chill.

But riddle me this, why are more e--Fem guys always hyper strung and easily pissed off about the littlest thing that doesn't go their way? Translation = Drama.

Most def yo. Mad props to r46.

Thank you, gents.

BTW I think men who are, uh, more in touch with their feminine side get a bad rap with this.

I've known men who no one is ever going to confuse with Mad Dog Mattis who were nonetheless very laid back. If women can be laid back, femme guys can be laid back.

Conversely I've known hyper masculine guys (as in Navy SEALS) who were super high strung and every little glitch is a catastrophe and throbbing-forehead-vein, red-faced UNfuckingSAT, BRO.

I think the difference is, as with women, the drama is higher frequency, and I mean that literally, the way a chihuahua yapping for hours is more annoying than a German Shepherd doing exactly the same thing.

To me, "chill and laidback" = stoner, lacking any social morals or political convictions, shows up late, does annoying things that s/he expects others to be 'chill' about, sits around a lot doing nothing.

I.E., give me a nervous neurotic horndog any day.

This is one of those pure, 100% unadulterated DL threads where the queeniest queens (i.e. R50, R51) try to out queen one another.

It's a rejection of flair, camp, extreme snark, flamboyance, and high maintenance

Does anyone ever crave a partner/bf/whatever who is high maintenance?

I lived with a straight roommate a few years ago who was very laid back. One of the best roommates I've ever had actually. He dated this girl for a while who was super high maintenance and I felt such pity for him. Not only did he seem miserable, but I always wanted to go in my room or leave the apartment whenever she came over.

Surely a gay male version of this would be even worse. True, she looked flawless at all times, but she was so freaking exhausting. It just didn't seem worth it.

Similarly, I dislike "dudes" who always say, "It's all good."

Really, dude? The Holocaust? Genocide? Tornadoes? Corporate prisons? Fox News? "All good?"

You're being too literal

You say, "It's all good" when you go over to a guy's apartment after chatting with him on Scruff and realize he lives on the top floor of a six story walk up. He answers the door and says, "Sorry about the hike up here," to which you smile and answer, "It's all good."

That's laid back- something that you decidedly are not.

R22 is right. On the west coast apparently there is a contest to see who is the most irritatingly "chill". I say this as a type B person. It's adopted by people with poor emotional and communication skills. This way, you don't have to have a personality.

The fakeness of it reminds me of terrible parents who natter on about the sacrifices they make for their kids, as if -saying- you are chill or a good parent means that you are.

"Chill" usually means passive aggressive btw.

"'Chill' and 'laid back' can also be codewords for masc, since a lot of the anxiety ridden types come across as nelly."

Apparently said without irony.

I avoid dramatic and flamboyant guys who are intense. If a guy is already being messy and difficult before you meet him, you know he is trouble. I also dislike negative people and people who always are saying bad stuff about others

R53 has been accused of being high maintenance

Well, I'm in my early 40s and Chill/Laid Back always = pot. It was a way of saying you're a stoner, without saying, "Hey, I'm a stoner!"

But it's been so interesting to hear how you young bros have taken it and made it your own. So now "Chill" and "Laid Back" = masculine and straight-acting. Cuz we all know that the screechy, high maintenance femme queens are never chill and laid back. To act "gay" is the opposite of chill and laid back. And who wants to deal with that? Got it.

You always learn so much on DL.

They're probably trying to avoid high-maintenance, Energizer-Bunny, jazz-hands queens and don't know how to define that.

Dogs attack me because they can spot an alpha. It's in the eyes.

But they are not seeing "chill" and "laid back" My human mask does pretty well, however.

I'm an avid pot smoker from a red state where weed is still illegal. I test as ENTP on the Myers-Briggs personality type test. To me being chill and laid back means others can feel relaxed around you and be themselves. It's a sign of a secure individual who doesn't sweat the little stuff, the minor details and just allows life and situations to work themselves out. Someone who isn't contrived, pre-plans and has a tight schedule for all things. Stop, and smell the roses once in a while...and inhale some pot smoke too while you're at it.

I don't where y'all live, but here in North Carolina chill and laid back is not associated with drugs. It means someone who is very relaxed and easygoing, low maintenance. It's someone who avoids stress and complications

who wants a man whose all wound up for sound? like some damned meth addict! Chill baby, chill. Thats where it's at.

I think it can mean all these things - pothead, low-maintenance, masculine (or at least non-feminine), non-dramatic - depending on who is using it.

As long as "chillax" is not invoked. I think usage of that should bring the death penalty.

Chillax is so 2004

It's so vomitworthy no matter what year it's attributed to.

Yeah

[quote]I think the difference is, as with women, the drama is higher frequency, and I mean that literally, the way a chihuahua yapping for hours is more annoying than a German Shepherd doing exactly the same thing.

More like a Chihuahua vs a Lab. Chihuahua are very high strung, like many queens, Labs are very calm, friendly, relaxed, and strong at the same time. Labs are chill.

I like Labs

It seems like these days you get so much advanced info on your potential hook-up via social media that meeting face to face means you WILL BE hooking up. There's very little "I don't think this is gonna work, thanks anyways." Chill and laid back dudes are probably ok with whatever happens in that regard.

And a side note, there was a time when BB meant bodybuilder, not bareback.

It means SOMEBODY doesn't want to douche!

They don't call them "golden recliners" for nothing, R75:

Chillax is so awful it's kind of awesome.

"Maxing and relaxing" is another one.

Maxing?

I have no idea what it's supposed to mean, R81. Maximizing your relaxation? I had a lieutenant who used it constantly, even though he was the least relaxed person I ever knew. Dude was wound up tighter than a Pomeranian on RipIts with an electrode up its ass. He also had spiked hair and said "I work hard and I play hard" and "on the same page" a lot.

Uh, it's not a drug term. I hear people use it in the office too

R79 Is this the "Golden Recliner" you meant to post?

I love them

There are effeminate chill dudes out there. They don't get attention because they are laid back and chill. I've even seen some of them hang with masculine and straight guys because they tend to have a similar vibe.

"Lowkey" is another popular trending trait being sought

"Chillax" was a parody of California speech that never caught on in California, or the USA generally, but did catch on in the UK, where they are more into contractions.

Because psycho maniacs have gone out of style? Who would place an ad for a hysterical drama queen?

Not tightly wound

It also means they party but no Tina or hard drugs.

Weed is okay.

Tina???

"Chill... laidback" is code for the opposite: "shrill... flamboyant".

Part of attractive masculinity is not being uptight or tightly wound. It's attractive to find a laid back, cool dude that has an easygoing demeanor. Never too stressed, not petty, not nasty, just chill.

Who says a queen can't be chilled?

Someone that's not a "fag". You know, just homophobic shit. That's all.

yaaawwwnnnnn

You people and your endless sad attempts to categorize. Grow up.

If I wanted to deal with an hysterical cunt every day, I'd marry a woman.

it means that they smoke dope

Chill = Stoner.

I like unclockable dudes who never set off anyone's gaydar. Really chill and lowkey

Dude on right is chill and laid back

Because you gays with a stick up your ass are annoying. Seriously who wants to be with Bert, when you could be with Ernie.

Hehe

On the female equivalency..preferring Betty over Veronica. Mary Ann over Ginger, Krystal over Alexis.

I describe myself as calm, cool, collected and confident. Folks who are always uptight, tense, complaining and loud, aren't on my list of friends or acquaintances. Even without pot to relax, I'm naturally laid back and low maintenance. If you're tense, tedious and a whiny little shrill...we WON'T be hanging out anytime soon. Now STFU and pass the doobie brah.

Anyone over the age of 18 who uses the words dude, bro or any other such garbage should be summarily shot. Douchbaggery is a crime that can not and must not go unpunished.

What's wrong with dude? I use it on my scruff profile and don't see it as obnoxious when others use it. I want to know I'm getting with a masculine guy.

R106 is the opposite of what guys are seeking.

It's about finding authentically masculine dudes

107 Blocked.

People are looking for guys like this. Chill with abs ANd baseball caps

Mmmm

[quote]A lot of these terms in personals are so subjective as to give readers no guidance on whether they meet the writers' standards.

I know, the new vagueness in american speech. "It's all good". It's all good what? To eat? When I leave? It begs a question that will go unanswered

Yeah

Masc4masc

[quote]Why has this become such a popular attribute sought among men seeking men?

Because people have become exhausted by drama. The number of gay men who push their drama to a point of borderline hysteria has becoming simply overwhelming and dull. If it's not some screaming queen going on about ridiculous pop culture minutiae, it's some "masc" gym freak pushing their muscle obsession into uncharted territory and making everyone live it with him. "Chill" and "laid back" imply something other than a hysterical obsession with stage managing one's life.

"Low key" is the current masculine buzzword in personals and profiles

Hmmm

IT is part of the quest for the masculine ideal.

W&W for R116. It's the opposite of being 'trigger-able', which every 2nd frigging person appears to be these days. It makes one long for when one could say anything, do anything, and few people gave a rats arse. Because everyone was just breezin' by. I think part of the reason for the building stress is greater population in cities and declining living standards: as we all know, real wages haven't increased in decades.

BUMp

Of course

Sexy

Although gay men are still treated like shit, it is more "acceptable" to be gay now, so alllllll of the stupid people who would have been hiding in the bushes all of this time about their attractions to men are now all out in the open. There's going to be a lot of chill bae-bae, fam-bro types now who will use out gay men like tools.

Who wants to hang around a bitchy, hypercritical male? Not cool

Masculinity matters

IT’s the attribute Of dudebros

Then gay men need to say no, R124. Get some self-respect. That’ll come with future generations if we’re not in Chechnya-like camps in the US.

Someone who expects you to put up with their shit without calling them on it.

R128, perhaps men seeking men are more attracted to them than to you? What’s wrong with that?

Bump

No one wants queeny drama

I am surprised no-one wants 'high strung, needy, bpd, bipolar welcome qween'...

[quote]bipolar welcome qween

A what?

Chill and Laid Back are much preferred to over-the-top prancing drama queens.

Yeah

I prefer guys who don’t post on gay gossip sites.

I only vibe with easygoing peeps. If I see someone is high maintenance and demanding, I terminate the relationship

It’s a less offensive way to say masc, str8-acting.

“lowkey” is the new “chill.”

"I only vibe with easygoing peeps. If I see someone is high maintenance and demanding, I terminate the relationship "

Wasn't this the premise of an ongoing comedy sketch on Mad TV?

I believe Dixie Wetsworth was involved.

“Lowkey”

Lowkey is definitely the big buzzword now

It's the buzzwords for bottoms who deceive the world by not revealing their gaping holes until they've already lured the "masc" "lowkey" dude into their lair.

And then they go from looking like an extra at a Maroon 5 concert to a shrieking nellie fuckpig.

HELLO FRIENDS-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT THESE TERMS MEAN EITHER LOL....I SIMPLY LOOK FOR A HOT, "TOP". 18-25, MUSCULAR IS BEST. HUNG IS BETTER! BLESS, BILL

Two of my Grindr regulars self describe as "lowkey." They are similar in behavior. One is 25, the other 26. They both come in, say hi, and drop trou. One likes to stand; the other sits. Neither moans or groans. Both tell me when they're close to coming. Both thank me for the head, and depart with a "see you next time."

I'm a 55 year old opportunist. I get off sucking dick. I'm married and not looking for anything other than no-strings hook ups. I actively seek out "chill, lowkey" guys.

I think that "chill, lowkey" guys are similarly opportunistic. Whatever presents itself at the right place and time will do. No unrealistic expectations and no long list of what is acceptable and, more important, what is not acceptable. A mouth's a mouth, bro.

Dude, don’t tell your business like that

What an utter load of crap, R146.

R146 I miss blowing guys that could cum standing up.

R148, what’s wrong with his post? It seems like everybody involved is polite and there for a good time. A win-win-win lol, for sure.

I always wonder how random posts from months back get revived like this. What exactly was someone searching for?

But yes, "chill", "low key" and "laid back" are all synonyms for "masc" which has completely fallen out of favor on the apps. The secondary meaning is "I'm not likely to have a long list of demands to make of you in order to meet, nor will I have a long list of types of people I won't meet. If I'm not into Asians, I simply won't respond, versus telling you I'm not into Asians."

“Masculine” is still in over half of profiles

R148 Don't hate. It's ugly.

As for "masculine" seekers, I could not care less whether they have "masc4masc" or other stuff in their profile. I am looking for a quick hook up. No more, no less. I pay for Xtra, so I block the trans folks with impunity and guys who prove to be flakes. The "chill, lowkey" guys usually do not have face pics, and I do not care about that either. People who use Grindr or Scruff or any other sex app for anything other than a hook up ruin it for the rest of us, IMO.

Well at least you embrace your slutiness, r153

[quote] “Masculine” is still in over half of profiles

It takes a while for trends to reach Flyoverstan

I am just here to add I identify with that Gone Girl monologue about "the cool girl". It is right on target.

Chill, laid back, drama-free, etc are frequently used by dishonest and promiscuous gay men as a way of deflecting blame. For example, imagine dating someone and catching him in lie after lie. Rather than taking responsibility, he blames you for your reaction. “I can’t handle your drama,” “you’re so uptight,” etc.

Chill, laid back to describe oneself = I get to do whatever the fuck I want to and if you react in any way, you’re the problem.

Who wants to be with a high strung and bitchy male?

No sass

[quote] Who wants to be with a high strung and bitchy male?

Someone who wants to establish that he's the TOP in the relationship. Never underestimate self loathing people's need to convince others that they may be degenerate scum, but they are still "all man".

But sassy guys are like human chihuahuas. Annoying

Well, though vague it's an improvement over "no screaming queens".