So WHO is the oldest VIRGIN on Datalounge? Tell us your story!

Well I just bottomed for the first time. And I'm 40.

R1 did you have sex with man, woman, or beast before then?

Yeah I've topped before. Was in a long relationship with a guy who had no interest in topping, so I'd never bottomed.

I turn 30 this year. For sure its me.

I had had oral and had topped in college and after, but never bottomed until I was 32.

lol you guys are kidding right? virgin = no sex. none if this nonsense I never bottomed until this age so im virgin. ive never been fucked up my nostrils so yeah im still virgin.

Well, then, r6, when exactly does gay virginity end? The first time you top or are topped by a member of the same sex? the first time you cum when with a member of the same sex? The first time you touch a dick?

I'm 44 and have never had sex with anyone. Haven't ever been on a date, held hands, or even kissed anyone.

gay virginity? that is not a thing. its virginity period. if you're with someone else for the intent of sexual pleasure and there was physical touch then that's pretty much it.

Yeah, I personally disagree with the idea that sex=anal. I mean where would that even put lesbians?

If you are playing with someones genitals to orgasm you are having sex with them.

R8 tell us more. Is it by choice, or not? Or you just never really felt the need for it?

R11 I've been fat and ugly all my life so had a lot of low self esteem and body shame, even as a kid.

Then around my 30s I realized I'd been alone for so long it didn't make sense to try dating. I've accepted that I'll be alone all my life so I guess it was by choice.

I assume there are guys out there interested in me but I just don't care enough to go looking. When you're a virgin at 20 it's cute but at 44 it's sad.

R12 - Forgive this personal question, but do you masturbate and fantasize about sex?

Sure R13.

I knew a 40ish year old virgin who I dated BRIEFLY until I quickly figured out why he was still a virgin.He was cute enough,but had at some point lost a lot of weight.When he took his shirt off and I saw the folds of skin and huge stretch marks I was repulsed.I tried not to be,but I guess I wasnt evolved enough. Needless to say,we didnt have sex and we didnt date much longer after that. I know how shallow I sound,but you had to see it. Ironically,a few years later he ended up with quite a nice catch and theyve been together for years now,and I ended up alone and bitter!

R15 that's my big fear about losing weight--I look bad fat but will look worse with piles of loose skin. If I'm going to be undesirable and alone I might as well enjoy eating rather then spend my life counting calories.

R15 eh, I've done something like that before. Shit happens.

I understand where you're coming from, R16, and not really sure how overweight you are/your quality of life, but why don't you try to just tip the balance toward general fitness, rather than just losing a ton of weight? Trust me, I love food and can understand not trading that for a bunch of loose skin or a man that might not exist, but try to get out there and find some physical activity that you enjoy-- hiking, golf (sans cart!), biking. You can shed some of that weight and feel better, enjoy your favorite foods every now and then, and you might even meet somebody who's trying to do the same thing. I think being a little more active could definitely give you more options in many areas and do more things with potential guys. You don't have to worry about morphing into Brad Pitt circa Thelma and Louise; there are a ton of guys who would find how great you are when you feel great about yourself. Improving your health in this way is a reward in itself, but is connected to many other wonderful things.

as much as we don't want to admit... looks is a huge aspect in regards to who we like. no we don't all like the same things but we certainly take notice of the things we like.

R18 I am physically active even though I don't have a specific exercise regiment.

R19 a lot of fat or ugly people don't want to admit that. I know there is a very small segment of the gay community that would want to fuck me, but honestly if I don't find myself attractive how could I find anyone else attractive who looks like me?

r20 tell me, have there been moments in your life where you've EVER been validated for your looks? there has to be some moments in your life where someone has complimented you and really, truly meant it.

Do you have a kind face, R20? That's more important to me(and I'm sure many others) than a perfect body.

51, will be 52 in a month. Have never been intimate with anyone. Feel free to gawk at me like the freak I am.

r23 no gawking. but if anything i urge you to at least do it once before you die. hire a high end escort, let him do the works on you. i promise at the very least the sensations you'll feel will be different than anything you have or will ever experience!

The one and only difference between you and me r8 is that I'm 41. Otherwise we're the same person.

I lost my virginity at age 15. I am from Texas and most people would assume I was a late bloomer. Most Texans start at age 11.

45. Female. Vestal.

"Feel free to gawk at me like the freak I am."

Yeah, not gawking. Your're only 52, so you could turn some things around if you wanted to. But you know what you're capable of better than a group of Anonymous people posting here, including me. Wishing you the best, and happiness wherever you can find it.

I'm 70. But I look 35.

Wow. Can you please tell us, Virgins, what kind of guys you are attracted to? What was the moment you came closest to real sex??

I am a 28 year-old virgin. The reason is like some other posters. I'm overweight. I wasn't fat in high school tho. I was a good looking kid. It hurts my confidence tremendously. I constantly try to avoid my high school friends.

I have r8 on ignore and it's not because he is a virgin.

[quote]Wow. Can you please tell us, Virgins, what kind of guys you are attracted to?

I think I'm picky. Someone mentioned Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise. That is my exact type. If I can find someone like him, I will gladly lose my virginity to him.

Honestly R21 no. When I was 17 a middle aged woman where I worked said I was a nice looking young man--for someone who was so fat. I think that's about the only time anyone referred to me as nice looking and as you can see it was a backhanded compliment.

What's your story R25? Like Marge Simpson said, some people choose a life of celibacy and others have it thrust upon them. I like to think I chose it.

Then around my 30s I realized I'd been alone for so long it didn't make sense to try dating. I've accepted that I'll be alone all my life so I guess it was by choice.

My story is the same as yours, r8. Like I said, we're the same person. lol

Str8 girl here that's middle aged. I'm happy to testify that I know both gay and straight friends who've found LTRs late in life after little/no dating because they were determined. Getting out of your own way and accepting yourself is so very difficult, but it can be done. Some people's journeys seem so much more challenging but you'll drive yourself batty if you keep on focusing on what you don't have. I wish you all the very best for strength and guidance to take care of yourself and find a friend that will blossom in to the real deal.

You can lose weight slowly by diet and exercise. The gradual loss helps with skin sagging because it has time to adjust. People who have procedures to lose weight in a couple months always end up with sagging piles of skin. It's not natural. Don't be afraid to lose weight the hard way.

I was a virgin until I was about 40. Then I finally got past my fright and my hangups and forced myself to have sex with another guy. It was awful... but... I learned that it didn't matter. I never saw him again. I then tried it with a few other guys until I started getting it... Now I'm have a partner and a sexual relationship. So don't give up hope. Things happen that you could never predict.

R36 maybe by some cosmic coincidence we'll meet one day and commiserate with each other.

Was molested by various men since the age of 5 at 12 I stopped completly. I got raped at 23 am 38 now no sex since.

I find it overrated. That some one would destroy some one else's life to get pleasure perplexes me.

Rape is not about sexual pleasure, it's about power and dominance.

I did not have sex with a other man until after my 30th birthday. It's one of my biggest regrets (waiting so long). I did, however, have sex with a few women in my teens, so technically I was not a virgin, just a "gay" virgin.

I had issues. I got over them. I wish I could redo my twenties as an ethical/safe slutbag.

For the obese people - see a doctor and make sure you don't have a medical condition causing the obesity (unlikely, but an important first step). Then exercise like hell- cardio and lifting- and LIMIT your calories. If you can afford it, get a trainer and a nutritionist. If you can't afford it, read everything you can about weight loss. If you still can't lose weight, see a bariatric surgeon. It's not only about looking hot, it's also good for your health. IF you're left with excess skin, it can be surgically removed.

I bet the quality of life of an obese person is likely lower than for an amputee.

So why do they cum when they rape or molest you?

R44 what if you lose weight and people still don't want to fuck you? Happened to a friend of mine and he just got fat again. Oddly enough he got laid more fat than when he was thin but he admitted he wasn't attracted to the guys who wanted to have sex with him when he was fat but he was tired of being alone.

[quote]I bet the quality of life of an obese person is likely lower than for an amputee.

Years ago a researcher did a study that asked grade school kids if they wold rather have a fat friend or a wheelchair bound friend and the overwhelming response was a wheelchair bound friend.

R43 here: Let me add I was overweight too, and suffered from low self-esteem and believed I was ugly. I was only about 30 lbs overweight though, and I yo-yo dieted a lot, so I could get down to a prett decent "Fit-fat" in my 20s...but then I'd bounce back up in weight.

Looking back now I realize it was self-sabotage. I actually was very good looking in my twenties, but I substituted food for sex and would pack the pounds back on when I started to look sexually appealing. It was a defense mechanism, I was afraid of men/AIDS/getting hurt, yadda yadda. Lots of self-loathing, and I made up every excuse to avoid having sex, convincing myself I was too fat/ugly/unloveable. It stuck eventually. Took years to undo all that self-sabotage. I couldn't face being a sexually active gay man so I almost literally hid behind fat and shame.

They still make virgins?

Go know.

R45:

That's the ultimate symbol of the domination.

They are literally marking their territory...

R47 I think I'm the same way. Being fat when I was young and knew I was gay was a good way to excuse not having a GF so my family would leave me alone. Being fat is also a good excuse not to date anyone at all even now.

Fuck off with your semantics games, R42. It's a complex issue. Sorry that happened to you, R41. Best wishes!

r37 i love you. W&W

r42, rapists get pleasure from the violence and dominance of rape--why else would they do it?

Now go back to everydayfeminism to imbibe your shallow memes like a good little girl.

I see the screeching rapists are out in full form.

Only a gaggle of fat, 40yo+ virgins would screech such nonsense.

R54 = Eric Trump

how was everyones 1st time? I always hear people saying that they should have waited. that it wasn't great the 1st time.

Most people's first time isn't going to be great r56. Idk, I find all this obsession and hype over your "first time" is silly.

Mine was no different. I was excited to finally be having sex but I was drunk and it was awkward. Whatever, I was less hyped and able to relax and go with the flow the next few times and it got better as they say.

Maybe, r8/40. You never know what life has in store. Thank you for posting because it made me feel good knowing I'm not the only one out there with a similar story. I mean that in a nice way. Take care, r8/40. :)

Bump

Maybe some of the virgins are getting lucky now since most everyone has some post-pandemic pounds?

I have a question - have not posted on this thread before but am a virgin at 49 - if someone initiated a relationship with you and it looked as if there was mutual attraction, would you tell this person of your sexual status? I think I'd have to. But I'm afraid that that would sour the relationship immediately.

This is just hypothetical on my part, but wondered what people here would suggest.

I lost my virginity with a girl when I was 15. I've never had anal sex. I had three long term boyfriends and we never had it. Maybe that's weird. It was just a coincidence, I wasn't looking for that type of guy, I don't think they were, either. Obviously, it never appealed to me. We had plenty of fun, sexually, so no complaints. But now I feel I missed out, when I watch porn.

R61 - volunteer nothing is the advice of the US Army. Take it.

This thread is making me feel like a big puta. I can't even remember all the guys with whom I've had sex.

To the virgens, you've got to find a way to get sex. There are plenty of guys who like fatties. And if you buff up a bit you can become a highly prized bear..

Rent boy is a good place to start.

If we're defining losing one's virginity by being penetrated anally or penetrating another man anally then I was 28, however, I had given and received a number if hand jobs and blowjobs prior to this.

R61, no I don't think you have to tell anyone that you're a virgin. As they say, romantic history (or lack of romantic history) is history. If you're clumsy in bed, well, being clumsy in bed isn't a crime. But if you're bottoming for the first time, you might want to let him know that you don't have a lot of experience, so that he knows to be extra careful that it's not too much for you.

There people on this thread dying for a good edging/session.

R43 thanks so much for your honesty. Regrets of the kind you mention are a difficult thing to carry, and as you say they just have to be lived with and moved beyond.

Your post really hits me where I live, turning 29 (if I was in Korea, 30!) completely untouched and unkissed sexually as a woman, by anyone. I’ve never even held hands with someone and smooched at the movies before.

Just never happened for me—I was never fat or crippled or religious or closeted or even ugly when young, just supremely shy and awkward and clumsy and sort of physically slightly off (in different ways at various stages: raging acne one year, a year bit chubby the next, then braces, then depressed and I groomed, etc.). Also in a single-sex school (for academic reasons), compounding the issue), ambiguous in orientation, and never really taught to look after or enjoy my body. I was a complex waiting to happen. Sadly, I was badly teased and excluded and picked on all through school and even College, and am grievously underemployed as well which doesn’t help. Spending the first quarter of your life as a Krelboyne will total anyone’s esteem.

While I’ve had interest from several corners in the past, the only actual dates I’ve been invited on are by creepy incel type men, so I worry I’m giving off ‘easy pickings’ vibes, which in turn makes me want to stay away from others perpetuating the vicious cycle of my social avoidance (including friendships and family, not just lovers). It’s weird and isolating feeling like an alien to a near-universal human experience—the only people I can relate to are monks & nuns.

Until recently, I literally couldn’t envisage or conceptualise of myself as a sexual adult with any mature attractiveness, because of conditioning and my social experiences to date. I have no idea how to behave as a grown person in the world of sex & relationships; if someone hits on me, I clam up and mentally glitch out, having no idea what to do. Someone touching me innocently can send me either into a fit of panic, rage or horniness (depending on context). I suspect that lack of a sociosexual life and of intimate contact may have fucked up my affective response, among other things.

Even with therapy (beyond my ability to afford), I’m not sure ai could ever catch up at this point. I try not to dwell or focus on it because self-pity is even more unattractive and toxic, but there are quiet empty nights like this where I can’t help but wonder what wrong. COVID and fear of STDs and/or abuse has me too afraid to venture out now..

R68 I hope you can find ‘true love’. I am not wanting a relationship for sex but for companionship. Sending socially distant and safe hugs to you!

I’m not per se the “oldest virgin” even though I feel I do. I’m a good looking blond haired, blue-eyed boy of French descent. 24 years old. I could get hookups at the snap of a finger, yet I do not feel comfortable doing such things. I want to be with someone of similar situations as I. I’m not a super kinky guy, I’m very vanilla with my sexual desires and more than anything, I want to feel loved. Even if our relationship became sexless, the companionship is what I long for. And to be with someone who accepts my shortcomings.

If you know a cute, young singer-songwriter who is good and is gay — drop me a line! Either in south Louisiana or the Pacific Northwest, where I may possibly move in the next 18-24 months.

Another 49-year-old virgin here, female. Why? I can't say for sure. I believe I have an attachment disorder and/or may be on the schizoid spectrum. I just seem to lack the desire for pair bonding.

It used to bother me when I was younger. I felt very much like a freak. I'm quite content now, though. I find middle age agrees with me much more than youth. I no longer feel the need to compare my life to that of others. I'm happy to just do my own thing most of the time.

R16 If you don't want to lose weight, fine, but work on other areas that really matter. Complexion and hair in particular count for an awful lot.