Do you shit at work?

I always try to fight it but sometimes you just can't.

All the time, as in all day long?

I do but at least I bring in Airwick Spray. We have single bathrooms and some people go in there and explode.

Nothing like getting paid to shit, I'll say!

Of course I do. I courtesy flush every time a turd hits the water, continually flush if I have "the farts." My jobs restroom is shared with other employees/the public (2 stalls/1 urinal) so I try my best to not have others associate me with shitting.

That said, the few times I encounter another public shitter; who just shit farts w/o covering up the noise I will start to laugh which triggers uncontrollable laughter.

I'm an awkward person.

Too many people would know, so I don't even ...

I think you should all carry those travel size PooPourri sprays in your pocket.

It's impossible not to laugh at those mad farters, and I can always identify whose in the stall next to me by their shoes.

We have one of those auto spray systems in our bathrooms at work, but they never refill the canisters, so I keep a few of the Bath and Bodyworks sprays in my desk drawers. They're small enough to fit in you pockets.

I get up, quick shower, quick breakfast, coffee on the drive to work. About half an hour after I arrive, breakfast has settled and I'm ready for my morning poo. Every single day. You could set your clock by it.

I hate shitting at home when my husband is there,so imagine how bad it is for me to do it in a public bathroom. The good thing is that I have a "good" stomach and I alway poop before taking a shower so I only do it once a day at home.

Then get a divorce, r10

R10 = major bottom

[quote] Do you shit at work?

I wouldn't have it any other way!

No. Only in DIRE situations.

Poops are people too

A major change in toileting habits can mean bowel cancer, OP.

I hate shitting at work because the way our stalls are arranged, there is always going to be someone in the stall next door for at least part of the time you are taking a dump. Then I feel like it becomes a thing where each person is trying to wait the other person out. No one wants to be the person to drop that loud turd in the presence of a coworker. Which usually results in me wrapping up before I am finished, and being frustrated for the rest of the day.

a refresher course

Once our work offices were remodeled, our bathroom is now modern and "one-person" only, which makes it so nice to shit alone. However, when the bathroom was a stall, I left the office and went to the hotel next door to shit anonymously. There are stalls there, but the possible shitter in the next stall didn't know me.

I hate shitting at work. Hate it. Of course, sometimes you have no choice. On those occasions, I go to a men's room two floors above mine. There are only three small businesses on that floor, and they're staffed by mostly women so the men's room up there doesn't get hardly any traffic. I can take a quick shit in peace and quiet and then go back downstairs. I never shit in the men's room on my floor because there's always some co-worker of mine in there.

If you want to clear the bathroom to leave you in peace so you can drop a deuce, just start moaning in agony from your stall.

Time spent shitting at the office is far more justifiable than multiple smoke breaks, coffee runs, and endless frau chatter all day long.

I'm lactose intolerant, plus have undiagnosed Crohn's so unfortunately pooping at work is a necessity, sometimes three or four times a day. I usually spray perfume into the tank after I have flushed. Though, two months ago, things came to ahead at the office, the 'woman' in HR called me in to talk about my 'office etiquette,' one of which was because I occasionally burn microwave popcorn and the other was because I was taking 'extensive' bathroom breaks. When I told her my situation, I was told I had to bring in a note from my doctor. A doctor's note? What am I in high school? Bye Felicia!

Surprised this thread has last this long.

Unisex, single user bathrooms. 6 in total.

If I know it's going to be really bad, I go to the ones in the basement where no one can here me.

We stock all bathrooms with Febreeze.

R17 Ever heard of an old method of placing toilet paper at the drop zone to prevent splash?

A female co-worker of mine who I'm friends with outside of work told be that the ladies' room in our office is "a disaster area" and many of the women we work with are "like fucking animals in there." I'm always surprised to hear that women can be just as disgusting as men in restrooms, because men are total pigs.

R25, isn't "unisex" a trigger word these days?

Every single day. I love it, it's the most peaceful and enjoyable part of my day.

I believe the correct term is "gender neutral" these days, but of course that's subject to change in five minutes.

I work in a Symphony Hall. So I can go in the administrative offices restrooms, or I can go in the newly renovated bathrooms in the Hall during the day, which are empty and very private.

Well, that's a helluva perk there, r31 .

[quote] Ever heard of an old method of placing toilet paper at the drop zone to prevent splash?

I've coined those "lily pads"

My Dad had a business, and hated that one guy would punch-in and immediately hit the stall for a long poop. Maybe 20 minutes, This happened every day. Bugged my Dad.

No, but my work is shit. Every day.

I used to use the bathroom on another, half-staffed floor. Less traffic. But, yes.

When I was younger I would never shit at work.

Then I got older and got over myself and said fuck it. If I had to spend 10+ hours a day at a place I sure as hell was going to shit there rather than hold it in until I got home.

At one place I worked for years, a straight male friend told me about bathrooms on the side of our building on a floor that no one ever went to. From that point on I'd only shit in that bathroom. The only people I ever ran into were my two buddies from the office who talk to each other during their shits.

shitting at work is deplorable !

Of course I do!

What am I, a barbarian?

I shit ON my work

I go to other floors to shit, not because I care but the guys on my floor are so bad that the smell could make you pass out. The site leadership have actually had to send out emails about it!

Ah, no.

How DARE you even insinuate I would ever do such a thing--even at home!

If you work at the Columbia Tower in Seattle, you can take your shits on the 76th floor, with a view of the city from the toilet.

I work at a university. Of course I shit at work. This is a problem for some of you anal retentive delicate flowers? weird.

Not only do I shit a work, but young guns pissing at the urinals create a musky fragrant vapour cloud that rivals the most expensive old-school perfumes.

What I didn't like is the last place I worked had maybe 10 toilet stalls, and a work floor of maybe 50 people. Most of these people all had to take a dump around the same time - 9 am, also my time. That's when the Starbucks started doing it's magic for everyone.

I hold it in til I get to work. Then I use the bathroom by my boss' office. I let it fester and don't flush. A whopper and onion rings stinks coming out.

If I have to go, I usually yell DID SOMEONE ORDER A CHOCOLATE CRULLER? Seems to clear the place out.

How do you make it so you can poop only in the morning before work?

R45 I work at a university too our washrooms always smell like a mix of shit, beer piss and jizz.

I shit at work but I use a private accessible washroom in the basement.

[quote]That's when the Starbucks started doing it's magic for everyone.

Starbucks shoots through you like Drano.

I have no issues with shitting at work but what I really hate if farting at work. You know how sometimes you're at your desk and you just feel that fart bubble pressing against your hole and you just know it's going to be super loud. So you have to leave the room and find a private corner somewhere and just let her rip.

I have Crohn's disease so, yeah, if I need to shit I'm gonna shit.

I like to shit at work and not flush it. I laugh everytime I do it.

Occassionally I like to take a huge dump on my boss' desk. He finds it hilarious.

I've never once shit at work. I think it's low class and way too personal ...

They obviously can't silence PMBT on this board using the usual methods. Can we get a terminator t-800 at a bargain rate to send after him?

I haven't shat at school or work since I was about 13. I thought that was weird behaviour on my part, but apparently here on DL it's normal.

I almost always shit in the morning before my shower, and rarely have to shit at work. It only happens like maybe 3 or 4 times a year.

R50 - yes, exactly - like Jicky by Guerlain, or Magie Noire!

I have never heard of this "don't shit at work" taboo. Really, whats the big deal?

The only maxim I know is "don't shit where you eat" which is a metaphor, meaning don't have sex with your co-workers.

So for you guys, "don't shit where you work" is taken literally.

Well I'll be. Learn something new everyday.

I often shit in the shower and then stomp it down the drain like Lucy making wine! Wheeee.

Well, r62, I suppose it is a beverage

Sure. I make offal at the office. I take my iPhone with me and read DL while I shit my brains out. Ahhhhhhhhh

I usually announce, "well, it's time to drop the kids off at the pool" and everyone gets the message.

Although once, after a particular memeorable drop, I sent out a birth announcement via email.

R61 - I'm one of the non-work shitters, and believe me, up until I read this thread I thought my behaviour was very strange and unusual. I think it comes from being the kind of kid at school that worked very hard to be entirely invisible. I was very afraid of drawing any kind of attention to myself, and the thought of being caught pants around my ankles dumping a huge load was just too terrifying. Once you've developed a habit, it's very hard to break. There are days though that I wish I could just relax and get over myself.

Hilarious, R65, but I'm not sure I believe you. Most workplaces would consider that a fire-able [sp?] offense.

You all maybe need to improve your diets. My dumps are pretty silent, elegant and not overly odorous. Sit down, concentrate for 15 seconds, lay a nice long sturdy sturdy stool, maybe a second. Long sturdy turds pretty much slip splashless and beautifully into the toilet water like young Tom Daley into the pool.

We have a guy in our office who has a long drive in from another state, so he shows up with his empty McDonalds bag and large pepsi, tosses them in the trash and goes to use the restroom for what seems like half an hour. You'll have to piss and the door is closed which means he's in there. We have a Status Board and he makes sure he logs in just as he's about to pull into the parking lot so his shits are on the clock.

On a side note, it seems like 9 times out of 10 when I have to use a single-occupancy restroom to take a quick piss, I get stuck waiting on the guy who's in there taking a 15-minute shit. I understand that we can't control when nature calls, but for fuck's sake you're not at home, hurry the fuck up in there!

I get up in the morning, go the kitchen, do a few things such as make my lunch or pace around the living room, etc. By then, I guess my light activity around the house gets my bowels moving so that I shit at home before showering and heading to work. However, there are many days where I cannot avoid shitting again at work later in the day. How do you avoid it? Maybe it's the steal cut oats I eat for breakfast.

Rarely because I hate pooping in public. But when I do, I follow some simple rules.

1. I go at non-peak times when I can.

2. I can go if no one is in the bathroom.

3. For peak times or if someone is in the bathroom when I enter, I have scouted out floors that don't seem to have much activity and go there. Almost always an empty bathroom.

4. Flush just as the turd is hitting the toilet bowl to whisk away the offending smell.

5. If someone comes in after I've purged, I wait them out if they're just peeing but hurry up and get out if they go into another stall.

Ali Wong had a funny bit about shitting at work in her recent Netflix special, and how much she hates it.

Perhaps the reason gay men feel such shame about pooping at work is because their pooper is also their pussy?

R67: This was years ago, before HR had its noses in everything. In fact our small office did not have an HR person. Also, the email was sent to only a few like-minded individuals.

For all of my 20s and my early 30s I avoided shitting at work, however after 35 my bowels seem to have turned to mush and when I have to go, I have to go. It's not my favorite thing to do but sometimes I have to shit.

I make doo doos at work, yes.

R23 here, I think it's strange that people don't want to poop at work, I was raised in a repressed household and community in Michigan's UP and was afraid of my own shadow, but after my divorce I decided the hell with it, I don't care what anyone thinks anymore and as I told the HR woman at my work, if you can't deal with my lactose intolerance and Chron's (undiagnosed) and the occasional bag of burnt microwave popcorn that's not my problem. Bye Felicia!

Fuck you for making microwave popcorn at work. That is totally unprofessional, and it stinks up the whole office.

Six hours later and I'm still laughing at R65's "Well, it's time to drop the kids off at the pool." My usual euphemism is "Be right back, time to offload." Any other good euphemisms out there?

This sums it up.

R80 you've never heard that before? LOL

A variation I've often heard was "dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool."

I like it when you know it's going to be an 8 incher and slide noiselessly into the bowl.

Swan dive. 10/10/10

I call the ones that leave no poop on the TP "clean getaways". Whenever I have one of those (rare), I know it's gonna be a good day.

At least 33% of mine are clean getaways. I bottom regularly, eat well, and don't have a particularly huge sticky moist fat ass blocking the route to the water.

Lucky you! I must eat too many Quest bars.

R80 -' I've got to see a man about a dog' (or horse)

This was my father's expression when he had to take a dump, usually said when he was outside. He was a farmer.

I shit on my knees

I would bet R65 is military.

I used to be poo-shy but there's nothing like having to do your business with 85 other people and no doors on the stalls to cure you of delicate flowerhood. When I went off to basic I would hold it all day and sneak into the shitters at night, but after a few months I had no problem laying cable with neighbors on port and starboard and conversing away.

I bring a little bottle of poo pourri with me. That way at least there's no offending odor lingering.

I rarely go at work.

I have a cup of coffee and a cigarette first thing in the morning. It gets the bowels going, and I evacuate before I shower.

That's usually my ony poop of the day. Thanks for letting me share!

I want r91's life!

Same as r91. I shit during my morning coffee and cig routine, then shower. I don't eat breakfast (smokers rarely do) and I don't have to shit when I'm at work, except every once in a great while. My morning pre-shower shit is usually it for the day.

What a hilarious thread.

I have my own office with a private restroom.

Poor people irk me.

I poop on the sidewalk the next street over

Of course, hold the poop?? never!!

nope, I only fart on kids when I work at the pastry shop

When I was younger, I never used to shit in the morning. I woke up with a raging hardon and had to piss. Now I wake up with barely a hardon and within an hour or so after waking up, I have to shit.

I always say "Coffee's kicking in".

I love smelling up the bathroom at work. Makes me happy that the fucking assholes I work with have to smell it.

'Do you shit at work?' - has garnered 100 replies and 1,200 views.

How passive aggressive, R100!

Pooping at work as I type.

I sure do-do :-) Pooping on the clock is so much better

R98 of the joys of getting older. I still wake up hard frequently but now I have to shit within an hour or two of waking up as well.

I hate work shitters. I don't want to smell anyone's nasty shits. I shit in the morning at home before my shower like normal people do. My ass doesn't touch those disgusting public toilet seats. Sometimes I have to piss at work and if I open the fucking bathroom door and it smells like a fucking shit heap in there I walk over and use the bathroom down the hall.

Why can't you nasty workshitters shit at home? It's raunchy and disgusting to shit at work and stink up the bathroom and gross out your coworkers. I don't want to go take a piss before lunch and smell some disgusting person's shit. Only the low class slovenly people shit at work.

Not everyone is on the same schedule as you, r106

Not as a rule. In the twelve years I've been with my company, I've probably shit in the men's room six times. Each time was a cramping emergency where if I didn't use the men's room, I would have shat my pants. Probably because I ate something that disagreed with me, or I was coming down with something. My normal routine is to move my bowels at home in the morning and then take a shower, carefully washing my anal area in the water.

People who are out of the closet shitters who carry a newspaper in there with them are just disgusting.

I went to the public bathroom in my office building once. There was only one other person in there, in a stall. I did my business at the urinal. As I was washing my hands I heard the guy in the stall say "huh, that baby smells like it was born dead", and then he flushed. I laughed so hard as I was walking out I thought my sides would pop.

I have one of those assholes with the tucked newspaper at work. He is a nasty old troll. I bet he is one of those old trolls that walks around naked in men's locker rooms.

Every fucking day at around 10:30 sometimes later he takes the most ferocious shits. Stinks so bad i'm surprised the paint doesn't bubble up and peel of the bathroom walls. I open the men's room door sometimes and whooooooooossssshhhhh I am smacked across the face with an eye watering gagging stench. I then have to walk and use another bathroom. So fucking rude.......

For all you Mary's who can't handle guys at work who shit, how in the hell do you deal with your partner shitting?

Well R111, there's a guy up above somewhere who says he tries not to shit when his partner is around. Sounds like a chore.

I too feel badly for all these people embarrassed about natural bodily functions. At work when I'm shitting, sometimes the CEO comes in and says, "Who's in there?!" If it's me, we always have a chat.

You would be much happier and more relaxed if you were cool about your bodies. Probably have a better sex life too.

[quote]there's a guy up above somewhere who says he tries not to shit when his partner is around.

My point is that you spend 40 hours a week at work (assuming you don't work from home any days). Most guys spend a lot more than 40 hours a week with their partners, especially on weekends. So that's not so easily done.

Delicate anal retentive flowers, the lot of you. Most of you live "in the greatest country in the world" and you can take a shit when you need to?

[quote] For all you Mary's who can't handle guys at work who shit, how in the hell do you deal with your partner shitting?

As if a Caftan Connie would have a man in her life!

I mean, ew! Sex! With the lights on and everything? GASP

[quote]For all you Mary's who can't handle guys at work who shit, how in the hell do you deal with your partner shitting?

If such a need arises, I'll often go down to the corner Ralph's or McDonald's, do my thing, and then return home to my hubby. It's fine, as I'll often pick up some groceries or whatnot while I'm there. Multitasking, if you will.

You just THINK you have a private restroom, R94.

I love shitting at work and not flushing. Make someone else flush it!

My first job out of college was at an insurance company. Some of the straight douchebags in the office would go to the john with the claims files and read them on the shitter. The claims files we all had to handle. It was disgusting. I went through a lot of hand sanitizer at that job.

[quote]If you want to clear the bathroom to leave you in peace so you can drop a deuce, just start moaning in agony from your stall.

Fantastic.

When I would travel with friends on vacation when i was in my 20s and we'd share a hotel room, if I had to shit, I'd pop down to the hotel lobby and use that bathroom. I hate anyone knowing I'm taking a shit.

A true lady never does #2.

[quote]Any other good euphemisms out there?

Growing a monkey tail

Has anyone posted a military latrine yet? This is a nicer one than I recall seeing in the past.

The turtle's poking his head out.

What was that movie where the young girl tells her dad "It's prairie dogging it!"

R23's post is an excellent example of why I am so done with work bullshit and HR.

Every had a "Bell Ringer"? Those are the very last dingleberries that will. not. drop. They just hang there, taunting you. And you have to wriggle your ass from side to side to loosen them and get them to drop.

[quote]At work when I'm shitting, sometimes the CEO comes in and says, "Who's in there?!" If it's me, we always have a chat.

This. Is a scream.

I love shitting and pissing!

I wait until no one is near my cubicle and then I shit in my purse (Im trans)

What the fuck is this poo smell good shit? Never heard of it will never but it. We all shit! Just do it!

Man in red hat say: You can piss with out shitting, however you can not shit without pissing.

I was once in a lift with a female colleague who really needed to go to the toilet. She exclaimed, "Oh my god, I'm crowning!".

The ones on shipboard were stainless steel, R124. Tres chic! I had a buddy who would walk in in the morning with a personal roll of toilet paper yelling "fire in the hole!" and we all knew to clear the area.

R23 again, so yesterday I had another meeting with the woman from HR because I was an hour late because I stopped at the Pret a Manger in the lobby of our building to poop before going to work because I didn't want her to get angry about my 'extensive' bathroom breaks. I am lactose intolerant and have Chrohn's disease (not diagnosed) and I cannot predict how long it will take me in there, sometimes 15 minutes, sometimes an hour and a half. I told her I feel like I cannot win, btw, I made sure I undercooked my popcorn yesterday to be a good sport and I wound up with half a bag of colonels!

How do you know it's Crohn's if it's undiagnosed? Consulting Dr Google doesn't count.

R137 I assumed that was a parody post.

I love shitting. it's fun.

[quote]I was once in a lift with a female colleague who really needed to go to the toilet. She exclaimed, "Oh my god, I'm crowning!".

No need to be diplomatic here, R134. It was Anna Wintour, wasn't it?

I just took a shit at work and I feel great now!

I once had a coworker who announced, "There's a bear in the cave and it has bad breath."

I don't do a doody.

Dataloungers are nature's aristocracy. Living charmed and elegant lives.

*Sigh*

I don't mind being in a toilet with someone else as long there's some privacy for each person. I simply do not want to watch another person (especially someone I'm not personally involved with) performing bodily elimination functions.

Melania never shits or farts. She never works, either.

Shameful on so many levels

I can count one hand and not use all the fingers the number of times I've taken a crap at work. And I just now had to take one! I blame you subliminal bitches!

Here's God's plan for shitting

R143 here. You got me, it was Anna. I hope this trends on Twitter. Am I on Twitter? That's what it's called, isn't it?

unless I was reproducing a Pollock to hock on etsy,

anal explosions undermine authority

r140 She'd just request someone to furnish a perfectly white room with a single glass table

Here's a tip for work: spray the air freshener into the BOWL, then do your business. The layer of oil helps contain the stench.

R137, I know it's Chrohn's because a friend of mine is a nurse who I told my syptoms too and she said it sounds like Chrohn's and said I should see a doctor, and I said, Who has time to see a doctor? Bye Felicia!

We have a gross passive aggressive guy at work who does not flush, leaves pubic hairs on the seat, etc. just gross and when he pees at the urinal it's all over the floor. Our cleaning lady is disgusted and she thinks we all do, though it's only this guy. He has now starting using the women's bathroom and does the same and only when they complained was something done. He now has to use the warehouse bathroom only and he's not allowed upstairs. That hasn't stopped him - I mean who is going to tell him you can't be up here to use the restrooms? Our boss is a jackass who keeps this guy employed because he helps him steal from the company.

For all you Mary's who can't handle guys at work who shit, how in the hell do you deal with your partner shitting?

We don't have a huge apartment so of course sometimes I smell or hear - so what ... But he's respectful - he usually poops and then takes a shower and does his other morning stuff. He turns on the fan and that's' that. My brother and his wife take dumps with the bathroom door open and they talk to each other like nothing is happening. They have a great marriage so everyone's different. Lots of ways to treat body - functions and room for everyone. But pooping is just so personal - not something I want to share with my coworkers ...

wife th

I'm surprised this thread has got so much response (and almost no trolls!). It's interesting to hear everyone's perspective. Certainly not something the usual person spends much time talking about

r156, why do you have a "so what" attitude about your partner shitting but not with coworkers? He is your PARTNER, for God's sakes.

I will probably get flamed for this post, but it's the honest to God truth. Years ago, I managed a building that had a lot of Asian tenants. It was a wholesale mart and there was only one bathroom per sex on each floor. Well, the women's restrooms were CONSTANTLY disgusting and filthy. Evidently, rather than sitting on the commode (like we do in the West) the Asian female tenants (many of whom had recently immigrated and did not speak English) would climb up on the seats and squat (if you've been to rural China you'll know that the toilets there are just holes in the ground you squat over). Most of the time, they would miss and piss and shit would go everywhere - all over the commode, floor, everywhere. We finally had some instructional signs made that tried to explain how you were supposed to use the toilet. I kid you not. At one point, the janitors refused to clean the women's restrooms do we had to have a tenant meeting (complete with a translator, of course) to explain how to shit at work.

158 - what a stupid question ...

And notice how r160 doesn't answer the question. Nice point of deflection you got going there.

r159 if you want to hear horror stories, read RA blogs -- they get slammed by some diehard sjw but you'll find years of women saying they'd rather deal with men's dorm bathrooms than women's. And the occasional problem from international students - great scores, nice people but totally different bathroom cultures from the Ukraine to Japan (and of course, a few stereotypical, well known restroom taboo countries, too).

r159 - yeah I seen the squat toilets in Asia and the east (and even in Paris). Squatting is a much better way to poop - the body the body lines up better. But for a man in western clothing it's a no-go. when you unbuckle you pants and squat your pants fall on the floor unless hold them with one hand - it's pretty difficult. the floors around squat toilets are pretty nasty you don't want your pants in that muck. If you are wearing a robe or similar you can hike it up and shit and the robe doesn't get on the floor. I don't know I don't exactly know how it's done - it's a cultural thing I guess ..

r161 - why answer obviously stupid questions from an annoying troll? You must have no one else that talks to you in the real world and desperate for attention ... sad I guess.

r163 you lean forward, in a position like you're about to be fucked or able to balance a beer can on the small of your back without going full doggy position... if you're pissing, you tuck your penis (assuming you have one or using an upright device) further back than more game than most drag queens.

forget yoga - we need a gym equipped with international portapotties

r164, it's a perfectly legitimate question, and it just goes to show how hypocritical you and many DLers are. You'll make fun of people at work shitting, but you won't do the same thing with someone you love. YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE!

r164 - Now you've had a little social interaction perhaps you can go on with the rest of your day which I'm sure consists of shuffling around your bleak neighborhood and avoiding eye contact. Get some help - it's out there !!

oops - meant 166

r168 again tries to deflect the question. Not buying that, r168.

Who would like a Metamucil muffin?!

More euphemisms for taking a shit, please. Like, "The chocolate train is headin' outa the station."

I need a laugh today. PLEASE somebody post a good poop story

I save money by pooping at work. Toilet paper is expensive!

I let a good one out today at work and didn't flush. The poor person who went in there after me. lol

What an animal.

I had to today, ugh. If my colon could have only held out until quitting time, but no it failed me at 4:00 pm. I have no idea why I had diarrhea today out of nowhere, how embarrassing.

Diarrhea is the worst!

Do troglodytes who leave gigantic turds for all to see actually think this is cute?

[quote]Diarrhea is the worst!

Constipation is even worse.

r169 - bitter garbage troll - [sorry your having such an awful life ...]

Sharing is caring, and at-work shitting is fitting.

So much variation from culture to culture - the Japanese seemingly to be the most privacy obsessed. I was raised in a small one/bathroom house with several siblings. We weren't shy and I'm still fairly unfazed by the whole process. My partner raised almost the exact opposite and he wants absolute privacy and goes to great lengths to not be seen, heard, or smelled. He's fairly normal otherwise so life goes on ...

r179 - both potentially dangerous medical conditions but I'm never quite sure what to do when I'm constipated: laxatives, enema, stool softeners ?? ... Luckily I'm a vegetarian and eat lots of fiber so it's almost never an issue.

Does anyone else love the Red headed lady in the body suit with abdominal organs showing?

Depends - which organs ?

Yes, R184, I do love her because the whole ad concept is so obnoxious, ballsy and bonkers. I wonder how actors feel when they land a gig like this. Are they ecstatic or mortified?

I used to work at a small company that only had one bathroom for the whole office. There was this guy I had a mad crush on but one day I was near the washroom and heard and smelt him taking a crap (he clearly needed to take a stool softener) and it killed the crush I had on him.

I think the red haired lady is on some other medication as well...

R187 explains why I'm single & likely always will be. I'm still looking for a bf who doesn't poop.

I'll gladly date you, R189 !

I made 3 doo doos at work yesterday.

I really wish we did have to poop, either

Yes I do, but I never go to the restroom on the same floor I work on. I sometimes go to different building to go.

Had a horrible day at work yesterday, got a lecture from my boss on because appararently they have internet monitors at my office now and they found out I was on here, Facebook and pinterist for 6 hours, I tried to explain that I could work and surf the internet, but I got a 'warning' whatever that means. I had to stay late to finish typing a report for a 'client' and the stress really hit me and my lactose intolerance went into high gear and I ran to the ladies' room just as the cleaning women were heading in there. I barely got my slacks off before I pooped everywhere in the vicinity of the toilet. I could hear the cleaning women whispering to each other and laughing. When I was done, I took some paper towels to try to clean up the mess in the stall and I just wound up throwing up everywhere and I could hear them laughing.

r194 do your personal internet stuff on your phone, never on your work computer.

[quote]I really wish we did have to poop, either

Some queen has been running around all weekend leaving essential words out of sentences. Je t'accuse, R192.

[quote] I made 3 doo doos at work yesterday.

As long as the doo doo stays in the stall and not on the wall, I'm happy for you Burke!

Gay men should never do #2. Ever.

I'm doing one now (in the privacy of home) and I swear I have a prolapse from trying to push this mess out.

R199 - sounds like you need more fiber in your diet, hon.

Since I have retired it is more like work at shitting, yes I take fiber.

pooping is annoying and a waste of time

Be careful, R199, especially if you bottom often or were planning to soon.

Shits are like coworkers - some are harder to avoid than others (so to speak).

What happened to the Colon Lady from Phillips? Now she's just a prettier Phillips Lady who goes on Safari, through drive thrus etc.

Work shitting is for proles

What does a member of the Royal Family do when they suddenly have to take a shit during a Royal public appearance? You know that has to happen sometimes. How awkward!

I do shit at work.

What do stage actors do when they have to take a shit, or even a piss, while they're onstage?

What does Ivanka Trump do when she has to drop a deuce?

r206 and r208, I'm sure they avoid eating several hours before public appearances. That greatly reduces the likelihood of it happening then.

god yes

you know... i like to shit just about everywhere that has a/c when it's hot.

Used bookstores and libraries always send me straight to the shitter.

I weep for the future

R213 - that smell makes my partner what to crap, too! What is is about paper/book smell??

So I had a taco plate for lunch today - and later on, when I took a dump (at work), it smelled just like my lunch. So, either I have some yummy smelling shit or my taco plate smelled like crap.

R126 – That was a line that Meg said to Peter in an episode of Family Guy.

Two fun stories involving the ladies' room directly across the hall from my office:

1) One day I cleaned out the small office fridge. I found a half-filled jar of moldy strawberry jam, so I dumped it into the toilet in the ladies' room. It looked exactly what I figured a spontaneous abortion would look like, so instead of flushing it, I decided to simply leave it there and take note as to who would leave the restroom in a panic. Unfortunately, I was called away, so I never found out the reaction of whoever discovered the Smucker's fetus.

2) One afternoon, there were sounds of consteration coming from the ladies' room. It seems that someone had gone in and left a TREMENDOUS, unflushable turd in the toilet. I went in to see it and it was truly impressive. It was HUGE, easily 10-12" in length and way bigger in circumference than a hot dog. It must have easily weighed one or two pounds. Maintenance was notified.

Meanwhile, people continued to come and go. One of my co-workers, unaware of the fact that I already knew about the brown horror, asked me if I had seen who had just used the restroom. Thinking fast, I said, "Yeah, I saw Kelly come out of there a few minutes ago. Funny thing–she was holding her ass."

Kelly–a true cunt in every sense of the word– was probably 5'2" in heels and weighed maybe 90 pounds. There is no WAY that gigantic turd could have come out of her. But I held my ground, swearing that she had been the last person to use the facilities.

From that point on, Kelly became known (behind her back, of course), as "the brown bomber.:" She never knew why.

R217 it was also in Rat Race

Eww, women aren't supposed to poop. What animals!

I never flush at work. I chuckle thinking of the next person to go in there.

Which Walmart do you work at, R221?

Am sitting on the commode at the office listening to the guy in the next stall push a bunch if crap out. Moaning. Farting. Lovely.

That was Sulphur-smelling-chicken Dude, R223. The man is in pain, give him a break.

i love to shit and piss. at least i can relax for 5 minutes.

Everyone poops!

No exactly on topic...butt...

I don't believe that hot guys poop. I just can't fathom it.

I prefer to shit and piss in the comfort of my own home.

I prefer to shit and piss on the comforter in my own home.

Me too r228. I can't even imagine guys like Chris Pine or Chris Evans sitting on the toilet, grunting and taking a big shit like the rest of us slobs.

Janeane Garofalo had a funny stand-up bit years ago about meeting Natalie Portman, and she was so perfect-looking that Janeane couldn't believe that she had any lower GI functions.

That's HAWT, R231.

Only in the M-Z drawer

I do spitters in the A-L drawer.

Enjoy - but don't look if you've just eaten.

Poopy Mcpooperson, don't you have some amateur scat porn to upload on Myvidster?

Thanks for reminding me, R237! I'm a bit scat-ter-brained these days.

Any pre-Turkey Day poop stories? I'll bet there will be MASSIVE shits all over America tomorrow night...

How awful!

Lots of clogged toilets yesterday...

Are you volunteering your shit-eating services R241?

WATCH OUT!

omg i'm sittin here in shit-labor! hurts!

I shit in the woods.

Any post-office holiday party poop stories?

i'm gonna drive over to your house and shit on your furniture.

That's fine. The living room furniture is covered in plastic.

R247: where are you? I've been waiting all day.

For your entertainment.

Beware if you eat gummi bears at work!

Think this guy was at work??

In case you need a Christmas present pronto!

Yum

Yuck

Beautiful