Serving up this steaming pile of
Celebrity Gossip
Gay Politics
Gay News
and Pointless Bitchery
Since 1995

Hello and thank you for being a DL contributor. We are changing the login scheme for contributors for simpler login and to better support using multiple devices. Please click here to update your account with a username and password.

Hello. Some features on this site require registration. Please click here to register for free.

Hello and thank you for registering. Please complete the process by verifying your email address. If you can't find the email you can resend it here.

Hello. Some features on this site require a subscription. Please click here to get full access and no ads for $1.99 or less per month.

Things your Mother used to say to you

I'll start...

Honey, run down to the store and get me a Boss Pepsi and a pack of Kents before Another World comes on.

by I was 9reply 1838 hours ago

That James Garner is a very handsome man.

by I was 9reply 108/26/2016

What's a boss pepsi?

by I was 9reply 208/26/2016

Vantage and Pepsi Light.

by I was 9reply 308/26/2016

You and your mother are from the South.

Yankees don't say "Run go ......" .

My brother used to tell "Run go die!" when I pissed him off.

by I was 9reply 408/26/2016

Would you like to try on my glasses? You may if you wish.

Long ago I was a little girl just like you!

Do you want to hear a secret? I know one.

It would be such fun to play jump rope, don't you think?

by I was 9reply 508/26/2016

I want that yard picked up NOW!

by I was 9reply 608/26/2016

You're a bottom just like your father.

by I was 9reply 708/26/2016

No, he's not really your uncle, but please call him that.

by I was 9reply 808/26/2016

Rock Hudson is not gay and neither is Merv Griffin. They were both married at one time.

by I was 9reply 908/26/2016

Hurry, Zsa Zsa is on Merv today.

by I was 9reply 1008/26/2016

YOU HEARD ME

by I was 9reply 1108/26/2016

What do you mean you're not going to get married? Oh, so you're just going to go out and get AIDS, then?

by I was 9reply 1208/26/2016

Sweetie, remember this

Always fuck up

by I was 9reply 1308/26/2016

Multiple times a day my mother would come into a room sit down then realize she left her cigarettes in another room, and I would hear. "would you go get my cigarettes" hopefully that is what kept me from taking up that nasty habit.

by I was 9reply 1408/26/2016

Be home by 10:00 PM. Or else.

by I was 9reply 1508/26/2016

Why couldn't you have been a puppy?

by I was 9reply 1608/26/2016

Go make your bed.

Why? I'm just going to mess it up again when I sleep.

Don't be fresh.

by I was 9reply 1708/26/2016

People are going to call you Pantywaist!!

by I was 9reply 1808/26/2016

"Hey yoused kids! Get in the house!"

by I was 9reply 1908/26/2016

Let's watch Another World! Don't tell your father.

by I was 9reply 2008/26/2016

Hate to take the humor out, but when she would tuck us in at night... We would tell her that we loved and her response would be," I love you more". We put it on her headstone.

by I was 9reply 2108/26/2016

[quote]People are going to call you Pantywaist

Better or worse than being called a nancy boy?

by I was 9reply 2208/26/2016

You can't help being "that way." It's a birth defect.

by I was 9reply 2308/26/2016

I should have known you'd know where to find the boys and the booze!

by I was 9reply 2408/26/2016

"Shut up!"

by I was 9reply 2508/26/2016

Look what you're doing to me!

by I was 9reply 2608/26/2016

Faggot.

by I was 9reply 2708/26/2016

Be a dear, and go suck daddy's dick. Mommy wants to finish watching her soaps.

by I was 9reply 2808/27/2016

Never quit a job unless you've lined up something definite to replace it.

by I was 9reply 2908/27/2016

Buck never would've BEEN in the hospital!

by I was 9reply 3008/30/2016

"You can drown in a teaspoon of water!"

by I was 9reply 3108/30/2016

"Mothers are always right"

by I was 9reply 3208/30/2016

OP, a neighbor named Rachel killed herself by turning on the engine in her car and going to sleep with the garage door shut; when another neighbor found out Rachel had died she thought it was Rachel on Another World.

by I was 9reply 3308/30/2016

Qiet! Mike Douglas show is on.

by I was 9reply 3408/30/2016

....I don't love you any less.

by I was 9reply 3508/30/2016

Wait until your father gets home!

by I was 9reply 3608/31/2016

You don't have the common sense you were born with.

by I was 9reply 3705/19/2020

She was always uncomfortable when she saw men dancing on TV. So she'd say, "They must be strong".

by I was 9reply 3805/19/2020

You’re very foolish.

I’ll pray a rosary for you.

Can’t you get yourself ready in the morning? (I was 5. It was my first day at school. It went in for another 11 years).

You have to take a public bus to go to catholic high school an hour away. I don’t want you going to school 2 blocks away with n——rs and s—cs and hippie democrats.

by I was 9reply 3905/19/2020

"Wait until your father gets home!"

Dad, after a long day of work: Stop pissing off your mother.

by I was 9reply 4005/19/2020

My mom used to say, "Stop bumping old threads on Datalounge."

by I was 9reply 4105/19/2020

"I'm in the middle of a row!"

by I was 9reply 4205/19/2020

My mother insisted I call my grandparents by their last name “Grandma Jones” & “Grandpa Smith.” Calling them by their first name “Grandma Rose” and “Grandpa Ben” would be disrespectful. She would probably have had me call my aunts and uncles by their last names too, but there were too many of them with the same last name, since her mother had a litter of them.

One of my grandpas was first named Bernard, so it would’ve sounded weird to call him Grandpa Bernard. Like St Bernard.

by I was 9reply 4305/19/2020

And he pronounced it “BARE-nid”

Which was weirder.

by I was 9reply 4405/19/2020

"Don't drink calories."

by I was 9reply 4505/19/2020

"You're a hot ticket!"

by I was 9reply 4605/19/2020

"Get your hand out of that secret serviceman's pants right this minute!"

by I was 9reply 4705/19/2020

"Mary!"

by I was 9reply 4805/19/2020

Whenever I argued with my father and went to her to get her take on his decision, she always said, "I don't get between trees and their bark, it's an extremely uncomfortable position". Love you, MOM.

by I was 9reply 4905/19/2020

"Here's the _____ that ya' had to have!"

by I was 9reply 5005/19/2020

NO!!

by I was 9reply 5105/19/2020

[quote]NO!!

If your mother said this, you MUST be an eldergay.

by I was 9reply 5205/19/2020

My mother was known to say, “you better just knock it off. I don’t have time to go to the hospital today!”

Grandma used to say, “quit your crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about!” This was usually followed by a whack on the head with a wooden spoon.

We was po.

by I was 9reply 5305/19/2020

"Run down to the store and buy me some Tampax. I'm gushing!"

by I was 9reply 5405/19/2020

If you don’t stop that whining, I’ll give you something to whine about.

by I was 9reply 5505/19/2020

Put gas in my car (gauge is on E) and bring me a cappuccino.

by I was 9reply 5605/19/2020

As I was going off to art school, my mother told me that there were many homosexuals in art schools. I had to be careful not to get between two boyfriends because they were violent and I'd most likely get caught in the middle when they started shooting.

by I was 9reply 5705/19/2020

"Remember who you are!" -- she always said it to me before I went out with friends in the evening

by I was 9reply 5805/19/2020

"I like having nice tits.

I like having tits in a nice dress."

by I was 9reply 5905/19/2020

Now put the other fist in.

by I was 9reply 6005/19/2020

Why don’t you protect me? Still doing it 50 years later.

by I was 9reply 6105/19/2020

If you’re not going to tell me what you’re talking to Dr Saperstein (child psychologist) about, how am I ever going to be able to help you?

I was already seeing a shrink in the second grade.

by I was 9reply 6205/19/2020

Get up off your ass and change the channel.

You’re gonna sit there until you finish those vegetables.

by I was 9reply 6305/19/2020

"Go outside and play. Don't come back till I call you."

by I was 9reply 6405/19/2020

Don't make me break my foot off in your ass!!

Offsite Link
by I was 9reply 6505/19/2020

Yeah, I got that one on the day my grandfather died, R61. No mourning for me, just get out the checkbook and get to work.

by I was 9reply 6605/19/2020

“Man-Oh-Manischewitz!”

We were Catholic.

by I was 9reply 6705/19/2020

After eveything I went throught to have a child and I had you...

by I was 9reply 6805/19/2020

On Christmas Eve, she’d read The Night Before Christmas, and when she got to “Filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk” she’d stop and say, “That was the year your father went with him.” He’d shake his head and look disgusted. They were married 72 years.

by I was 9reply 6905/19/2020

When I was going to have to do something I really didn't want to do and was complaining about it she would say "why are you upset, it's just a tiny moment out of the rest of your life".

And when I was really acting childish about something I disliked she would look at me and say "learn to love it".

by I was 9reply 7005/19/2020

Your face is going to freeze like that.

by I was 9reply 7105/19/2020

After she would sit down and realize she didn't have her cigarettes, "Will you bring mommy her cigarettes?"

by I was 9reply 7205/19/2020

Turn off that television!

by I was 9reply 7305/19/2020

Never vote republican!

by I was 9reply 7405/19/2020

The most shocking thing my mother ever said to me, I was 12, was

[quote] "Your father went to the doctor and the doctor told him there was no reason he couldn't start having sex again but if he thinks I am going through all that for five minutes of wham bam thank you mam he is crazy"

I stopped asking for a little brother after that.

by I was 9reply 7505/19/2020

When I complained about the food that was served: “You have two choices... take it or leave it!”

When I wasn’t in the clean plate club: “Your eyes were bigger than your stomach.”

When doing a half-assed job at something: “Close enough for government work.” Or “It’ll do until the real thing comes along.”

When doing a very half-assed job at parallel parking: “You’re allowed to be up to 18” away from the curb.”

by I was 9reply 7605/19/2020

Don't put thing in poosey until you see the moneys on table.

Offsite Link
by I was 9reply 7705/19/2020

Eat my whole pussy! Stop wasting it!

by I was 9reply 7805/19/2020

Your father has a small dick.

by I was 9reply 7905/19/2020

They're all going to laugh at you!

by I was 9reply 8005/19/2020

"At your age we used to walk to school in the snow, without shoes!"

by I was 9reply 8105/19/2020

"Take him with you!" - whenever I went to the store.

Offsite Link
by I was 9reply 8205/19/2020

Did I take trig?

by I was 9reply 8305/19/2020

Not tonight! I’m on the rag!

by I was 9reply 8405/19/2020

You'll die alone and it can't be soon enough to suit me.

by I was 9reply 8505/19/2020

Me: Mom! But I, but I....

Mom: Aye aye aye, Dolores!

by I was 9reply 8605/19/2020

Honey don't eat bats, pangolins or other nasty ass critters or you'll get coronavirus.

by I was 9reply 8705/19/2020

Don't be silly....

by I was 9reply 8805/19/2020

get me a pack of smokes!

by I was 9reply 8905/19/2020

Don’t make me go to your school and knock the dicks out of your mouth

by I was 9reply 9005/19/2020

No, Liberace is not a homosexual!

It’s just part of his act. He plays the part of a flamboyant showman.

by I was 9reply 9105/19/2020

"I will fucking kill you"

by I was 9reply 9205/19/2020

"Oh just let your Dad have his fun. You don't have to swallow it."

by I was 9reply 9305/19/2020

I have one of those r68. Put my poor father in an early grave but that nasty viper is still going. The day can't come soon enough. I sympathize greatly.

by I was 9reply 9405/19/2020

[quote] If you’re not going to tell me what you’re talking to Dr Saperstein (child psychologist) about, how am I ever going to be able to help you?

Dr. Saperstein? Wasn't he on "Open End"?

by I was 9reply 9505/19/2020

Why can’t you give me the RESPECT that I’m entitled to?! Why can’t you treat me like i would be treated by any STRANGER ON THE STREET?!

by I was 9reply 9605/19/2020

My mother is/was a Grammar Nazi.

Me: “Ma, can I have some more ?”

Ma: “MAY I have some more? And don’t call me ‘Ma!’, I can’t STAND it. Call me anything but that.”

She did not stop correcting me until I was around 40. I’m saying I couldn’t express a single thought in multiple sentences without her harshly correcting me (there was always something I did or said incorrectly) until I was 40 — meditate on how that shaped me over four decades. As awful as she can be though, I am truly grateful that she taught me that doing things correctly and properly really does matter.

Thanks MA, you fucking bitch!

by I was 9reply 9705/19/2020

So... all that serial killing you've done hasn't colored your view on this R97?

by I was 9reply 9805/19/2020

Colored my views on what exactly lolol?? I’m just sharing that I happened to grow up with an uber OCD and critical mother. I know I’m not alone.

by I was 9reply 9905/19/2020

"Dolly Baby, hook Nana's garters in the back." Said to me by my grandmother; she wore one of those suits-of-armor corsets.

"Don't be a naughty boy!" Said to me by my Mother when I would sneak into the bathroom as she was taking a shower and stand on the toilet seat to look at her tits and bush and dump a glass of cold water down her back.

by I was 9reply 10005/19/2020

So what? It's not like you've never seen me high before and it's not like you'll never see it again.

by I was 9reply 10105/19/2020

"Zip me up, doll. Mama's gotta go earn your lunch money."

by I was 9reply 10205/19/2020

"You listen to me. Don't shit where you eat."

And she was right.

by I was 9reply 10305/19/2020

R100 is gross

by I was 9reply 10405/19/2020

I've blocked most of it out. Mine had clinical logorrhea for many years. She would discuss at length and in detail any thought that popped into her head, no matter how grossly inappropriate. Oddly now that she's older this tendency is not as bad as it once was.

by I was 9reply 10505/19/2020

If I want anything out of you, I’ll knock it.

by I was 9reply 10605/19/2020

“Across that subject, let us draw a veil.”

“Discretion is the better part of valor.”

“Let us discuss the word, percipience.”

“Hi-diddle-de-dee, an actor’s life for me!”

“Dames is pizen.”

“Girls have a hard time generally.”

by I was 9reply 10705/19/2020

R105 But what if YOU have it, also, so you just don't notice hers anymore?

by I was 9reply 10805/19/2020

[quote] And don’t call me ‘Ma!’, I can’t STAND it. Call me anything but that.”

That's funny, because my mom always wanted her kids to call her "Ma," and none of us ever would. We always called her "Mom," even when she signs her letters as "Ma."

by I was 9reply 10905/19/2020

"It will get well before you get married."

And, you know, she was right!

by I was 9reply 11005/19/2020

“Do you know how expensive organic milk is? I had to raise you on literally nothing, so, huff huff, I just think it’s irresponsible for you to pay for ORGANIC milk. You can’t afford it, that’s all.”

by I was 9reply 11105/19/2020

“I should have stopped at one.”

by I was 9reply 11205/19/2020

You'll have people talking about us!

We're going to end-up in the poorhouse.

Don't act like a bunch of heatherns.

by I was 9reply 11305/19/2020

“I never should have had kids!”

To be fair, this wasn’t said to me, she was bitching with my “Uncle” because our oven was falling apart, a hanger held the door on, and my wild lesbian linebacker clown girlfriend ripped the door off when we were goofing around, we were maybe 13. So mom was freaking and completely drained, I get it. But I was lurking after I hid in my room, and overheard her say it. Shit like that sticks with you forever, even when intellectually you understand the person doesn’t actually mean that, it was just them having a very low moment.

I had a therapist who I shared that story with....she told me that she had a client who had a brother who drowned when he was quite young, maybe 8. He was there when his brother drowned, and when the adults finally came, his father was so hysterical and shocked, that he turned to his son and said, “this is YOUR fault! You should have been watching him!”

Many years later, father and son discussed that, and the father had zero memory of saying that, and apologized to his son. The moral of the story from the therapist was that this man carried his father’s words from that day with him for decades — and the father had no recollection that he said something so awful, we must face these experiences so we can move on from then. We carry these wounds with us, and they will never heal unless we face them. Words have power, especially when they come from a parent.

Sorry to derail, this thread is about MAs, not POPs.

by I was 9reply 11405/19/2020

"Mama, I'm bored, what can I do?"

"Take a shit, & pull it in two."

by I was 9reply 11505/19/2020

Oh honey, (sigh). You’re a girl. You’re never going to have the advantages your brother did. And everyone already KNOWS him. Try to look decent.

by I was 9reply 11605/19/2020

What's the matter, your arms broke?

by I was 9reply 11705/19/2020

You get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

by I was 9reply 11805/19/2020

Mom: "Don't talk back to me!" Me: "Why not? I can if I want to!"

My parents never hit me, but in my case they should have.

by I was 9reply 11905/19/2020

It's been four years so R2 is probably dead now, but "Boss Pepsi" refers to a 64-ounce size Pepsi called "The Boss" that was out briefly in the 1970s.

Offsite Link
by I was 9reply 12005/19/2020

Always douche between gentleman callers. It’s just the polite thing to do, unless one of them wants to pay a little extra for a snowball.

Be sure when you film me eating the mayor’s asshole out, you shoot me from the left, it’s my best side and I want to look great when I show it to his lawyer.

It’s isn’t very lady like to not let a man shit on your face if he bought you a nice dinner AND let you pick out two desserts. You will get a reputation as being difficult if you keep that behavior up.

Always say your prayers before bed

by I was 9reply 12105/19/2020

The Port of Authority

- Nathan Lane's mother

by I was 9reply 12205/19/2020

Don't play ball in the house

by I was 9reply 12306/25/2020

"I almost DIED giving birth to you! And this is how you act!"

by I was 9reply 12406/25/2020

I tried my best but you just never listened. You don't even have looks to fall back on, you big ugly thing.

by I was 9reply 12506/25/2020

OMG! WHAT'S WRONG????!!!!!!!!

How my Mom answered the phone.

by I was 9reply 12606/25/2020

No one will ever love you for anything except your money.

by I was 9reply 12706/25/2020

[quote]"I almost DIED giving birth to you! And this is how you act!"

Meant to add she really did almost die giving birth to me. I started coming out BUTT FIRST and the doctors had to shove me back in and turn me around.

I WAS BORN PRESENTING HOLE!

by I was 9reply 12806/25/2020

'Did I leave a cigarette burning?' - Just as my father was about to turn on to the expressway, a mile from our home.

'No, I am not going to drive you to school. A little rain never hurt anybody'

'It's not burned, it's well done'

'Your father and I were not arguing. We were discussing'.

'Answer the phone while I get my cigarettes'

by I was 9reply 12906/25/2020

Every year on my birthday, she'd call and say, "Well, I feel better today than I did [insert my age here] years ago today!" Thanks, Mom.

by I was 9reply 13006/25/2020

"I told you. But you wouldn't listen. If you had just listened to me...."

My mother might have qualified for sainthood. Her only failing was that goddamned, "I told you...."

by I was 9reply 131Last Friday at 5:01 AM

"I'm not running a hotel!" Said when we asked what was for dinner and didn't like what she made.

"There are starving children in India!" Said when I refused to eat the peas and carrots, Lima beans, or any other vegetable that had been boiled beyond recognition or nutritional value. I so wanted to say "Well send this crap to them!" But I wanted to keep my teeth.

"No calls after 10:00 pm." - Mom always said only bad things happened after 10 o'clock. True to her word, when she died, the assisted living facility called me. It was 10:31 pm.

"Well, you've got 10 minutes to get home!" I had gone out and gotten lost driving home. I knew I was going to miss curfew so I called.

"I love you." She always said this to us kids (4) when we went up to bed at night.

by I was 9reply 132Last Friday at 5:23 AM

"I love you."

"I'm proud of you."

by I was 9reply 133Last Friday at 5:51 AM

R133, your Mom IS the BEST! Seriously!

by I was 9reply 134Last Friday at 6:05 AM

Mom would ask me to go knock on the doors of certain neighbors to ask them to borrow a pack of smokes for her.

Embarrassing, but she WAS in bed with fibroid tumors at the time so understandable she couldn't exactly get in a car and go.

by I was 9reply 135Last Friday at 6:11 AM

Come make Mommy feel good

by I was 9reply 136Last Friday at 6:17 AM

“Have you met any girl yet?” *Gay fear*

by I was 9reply 137Last Friday at 6:17 AM

My mother,, who suffered from poor health on and off for as long as I could remember used to say 'If you've got your health, you've got everything'.

Of course, as a prissy little gayling I thought she couldn't POSSIBLY have been right, but as I wheeze into old age, I can look back and definitely appreciate what she was saying.

by I was 9reply 138Last Monday at 3:53 PM

There are no Pollyannas in this house!

She only had to say it once.

by I was 9reply 139Last Monday at 4:02 PM

Flip the tv to channel 7. It’s time for Rita Bell’s Prize Movie.

Here’s a dollar fifty; ride your bike to Joe”s (corner store) and pick up a pack of Salem’s for me. Soft pack.

by I was 9reply 140Last Monday at 4:05 PM

Only White Trash people drink Mountian Dew and wear flip flops in places other than the pool or beach. My mother's edict stated in June 1967, I was 8 back then and to this day I do not drink mountain dew or wear flip flops!

by I was 9reply 141Last Monday at 4:18 PM

Baby , please don't say N* toes In front of the maid at Christmas .

by I was 9reply 142Last Monday at 5:13 PM

"Take all you want, but eat all you take"

"If you don't have anything nice to say, simply say nothing at all"

"A steak is [italic] done, [/italic] you're [italic] finished.[/italic]"

"There are starving children in Africa; WE do not waste food"

"Trust me, you'll thank me later for this..."

"Stop looking at your sister like that"

by I was 9reply 143Last Monday at 5:16 PM

"well life isn't fair!"

I used to whine about things not being fair.

by I was 9reply 144Last Monday at 5:57 PM

I should also add : "Always strive to be very generous, people will judge you for being Jewish".

I've followed her advice my entire life, yet I do not think it made any difference.

by I was 9reply 145Last Monday at 6:02 PM

R144 is a Libra?

by I was 9reply 146Last Monday at 6:27 PM

Be true to your teeth, or they'll be false to you.

by I was 9reply 147Last Monday at 6:34 PM

"I hate this life. Why was I ever born ". I resented her but now I sympathize . As I get older I understand how she became that way.

by I was 9reply 148Last Monday at 6:37 PM

"Those people are trash, Paul Mark Keith Samuel! They drive a Chrysler and eat hamburgers with their bare hands! We may be poor now, but the Eldergates have always had class. Remember that my son!"

by I was 9reply 149Last Monday at 6:37 PM

“You’re just like your father” (who she hated and said leaving him was the best thing she ever did).

by I was 9reply 150Last Monday at 7:14 PM

God gave you tity which is for sharing and getting the money.

Offsite Link
by I was 9reply 151Last Monday at 7:16 PM

"Who are you??"

by I was 9reply 152Last Monday at 9:18 PM

You'd leave your house without your head if it wasn't attached to your neck.

by I was 9reply 153Last Monday at 10:01 PM

“Make the salad!”

by I was 9reply 154Last Monday at 10:11 PM

“Spit in one hand and wish in the other. See which one gets full quicker.”

“You have champagne taste and a beer pocketbook.”

“The hell you say!”

by I was 9reply 155Last Monday at 10:49 PM

You;re not lying around here watching TV all day.

by I was 9reply 156Last Monday at 11:39 PM

She told me she loved me no matter what . I miss her everyday

by I was 9reply 157Last Monday at 11:43 PM

When I was leaving for school in the morning—“Say something nice to the homely girls.”

by I was 9reply 158Last Tuesday at 12:16 AM

"Don't let boys touch your boobs. They will always want more."

Not a problem, Mom.

by I was 9reply 159Last Tuesday at 12:40 AM

R159 LOL

by I was 9reply 160Last Tuesday at 12:56 AM

You could paraphrase anything Faye Dunaway said in Mommie, Dearest and get the gist.

Except for the wire hangers. For one thing, my mother got wire hangers for free. Like boxes of them. She could have started a scrap metal business. Even though I have no wire hangers, I have inexplicably developed the habit of hoarding hangers. Teal colored plastic ones are my favorite.

Trust me, when I die, whoever is stuck cleaning my place will say, "WTF is up with these teal plastic hangers?"

by I was 9reply 161Last Tuesday at 1:12 AM

what, nothing smart from JonBenet Ramsay, formerly of Boulder, Colorado?

by I was 9reply 162Last Tuesday at 1:18 AM

“I hope you die before I do so I can piss and shit on your grave”

She said that to me the last 3 times we spoke.

by I was 9reply 163Last Tuesday at 1:46 AM

R163 She seems nice.

by I was 9reply 164Last Tuesday at 2:34 AM

Always wear clean underwear each day in case you get hit by a bus. Yes

by I was 9reply 165Last Tuesday at 3:17 AM

Rise and shine and meet the day!

I'm as skittery as a cat on a hot tin roof!

Yes, we were from the border South and people really did talk like Tennessee Williams characters. He got them from somewhere.

by I was 9reply 166Last Tuesday at 3:35 AM

She woke us up every morning with "All ashore who's going ashore." I have no idea where that came from. We don't have a Navy heritage...

by I was 9reply 167Last Tuesday at 4:27 AM

Mom: “I’m not a complete idiot, y’know!”

Me: “Well, Mom. Nobody’s perfect.”

Mom: * S M A C K ! *

by I was 9reply 168Last Tuesday at 4:51 AM

Mom in depression: Make me eggs.

Me: Five years old. I can't cook.

She; Just do it. Nike has nothing on her.

by I was 9reply 169Last Tuesday at 5:18 AM

My Mom was always telling me to cut my nails. She said that boys shouldn't have long nails. To this day, I cut my nails all the time and I look down on guys with long untrimmed nails.

by I was 9reply 170Last Tuesday at 5:27 AM

I was in the car with my mother one day and I think I said something dumb. She looked at me and said "what does that have to do the price of eggs in China?' I had no idea what she meant.

by I was 9reply 171Last Tuesday at 5:31 AM

I just don't know where we got you. You're not one of mine.

by I was 9reply 172Yesterday at 5:18 AM

R171, my Mom used to say "What does that have to do with price of tea in China? I've never heard eggs but who knows!

by I was 9reply 173Yesterday at 5:36 AM

"Toby B ( our neighbor)s a fat slob"

"All the women in the neighborhood are jealous of me"

"Why do you do everything to embarrass me?"

"Because I said so"

"your father can't get an erection" ( swear to God she said this to me when I was about 17)

by I was 9reply 174Yesterday at 5:52 AM

R171 and R173 I heard it from mom as '....the price of rice in China."

by I was 9reply 175Yesterday at 10:40 AM

"Tough darts" (she was too ladylike to say "tough shit," and this was her weird alternative--I've never heard anyone else say this)

"There's no 'fair'" (whenever one of us kids complained something was unfair)

by I was 9reply 176Yesterday at 10:43 AM

What are you, on parade? Move!!

(This would be if I was walking too slowly, or otherwise in her way)

by I was 9reply 177Yesterday at 11:15 AM

You heard me!!

(Usually in response to my "what?" when told to do something I didn't really want to do)

by I was 9reply 178Yesterday at 11:20 AM

Never fall in love outside of your area code.

by I was 9reply 179Yesterday at 11:36 AM

Why can't you be like the other boys?

by I was 9reply 180Yesterday at 11:46 AM

TAKE [ITALIC]HUMAN[/ITALIC] BITES

Offsite Link
by I was 9reply 181Yesterday at 12:05 PM

Not my mom but a mutant woman living down the road:

“ Nikki get into that fucking house straight away for your dinner. You have my heart broken you fucking bastard. Wait till your father gets home he’ll sort you out you desperate cunt. Did you hear me tell you to come in for your dinner? Sweet Jesus and his blessed mother give me patience”.

For years. And years. 😂😂

by I was 9reply 18211 hours ago

R178, my Mom HATED when we said "What?" when she called us! She'd just keep calling our names until we either said "Yes" or stomped downstairs to see her face to face.

by I was 9reply 1838 hours ago
Loading
Need more help? Click Here.

Yes indeed, we too use "cookies." Don't you just LOVE clicking on these things on every single site you visit? I know we do! You can thank the EU parliament for making everyone in the world click on these pointless things while changing absolutely nothing. If you are interested you can take a look at our privacy/terms or if you just want to see the damn site without all this bureaucratic nonsense, click ACCEPT and we'll set a dreaded cookie to make it go away. Otherwise, you'll just have to find some other site for your pointless bitchery needs.

×

Become a contributor - post when you want with no ads!