Things your Mother used to say to you

That James Garner is a very handsome man.

What's a boss pepsi?

Vantage and Pepsi Light.

You and your mother are from the South.

Yankees don't say "Run go ......" .

My brother used to tell "Run go die!" when I pissed him off.

Would you like to try on my glasses? You may if you wish.

Long ago I was a little girl just like you!

Do you want to hear a secret? I know one.

It would be such fun to play jump rope, don't you think?

I want that yard picked up NOW!

You're a bottom just like your father.

No, he's not really your uncle, but please call him that.

Rock Hudson is not gay and neither is Merv Griffin. They were both married at one time.

Hurry, Zsa Zsa is on Merv today.

YOU HEARD ME

What do you mean you're not going to get married? Oh, so you're just going to go out and get AIDS, then?

Sweetie, remember this

Always fuck up

Multiple times a day my mother would come into a room sit down then realize she left her cigarettes in another room, and I would hear. "would you go get my cigarettes" hopefully that is what kept me from taking up that nasty habit.

Be home by 10:00 PM. Or else.

Why couldn't you have been a puppy?

Go make your bed.

Why? I'm just going to mess it up again when I sleep.

Don't be fresh.

People are going to call you Pantywaist!!

"Hey yoused kids! Get in the house!"

Let's watch Another World! Don't tell your father.

Hate to take the humor out, but when she would tuck us in at night... We would tell her that we loved and her response would be," I love you more". We put it on her headstone.

[quote]People are going to call you Pantywaist

Better or worse than being called a nancy boy?

You can't help being "that way." It's a birth defect.

I should have known you'd know where to find the boys and the booze!

"Shut up!"

Look what you're doing to me!

Faggot.

Be a dear, and go suck daddy's dick. Mommy wants to finish watching her soaps.

Never quit a job unless you've lined up something definite to replace it.

Buck never would've BEEN in the hospital!

"You can drown in a teaspoon of water!"

"Mothers are always right"

OP, a neighbor named Rachel killed herself by turning on the engine in her car and going to sleep with the garage door shut; when another neighbor found out Rachel had died she thought it was Rachel on Another World.

Qiet! Mike Douglas show is on.

....I don't love you any less.

Wait until your father gets home!

You don't have the common sense you were born with.

She was always uncomfortable when she saw men dancing on TV. So she'd say, "They must be strong".

You’re very foolish.

I’ll pray a rosary for you.

Can’t you get yourself ready in the morning? (I was 5. It was my first day at school. It went in for another 11 years).

You have to take a public bus to go to catholic high school an hour away. I don’t want you going to school 2 blocks away with n——rs and s—cs and hippie democrats.

"Wait until your father gets home!"

Dad, after a long day of work: Stop pissing off your mother.

My mom used to say, "Stop bumping old threads on Datalounge."

"I'm in the middle of a row!"

My mother insisted I call my grandparents by their last name “Grandma Jones” & “Grandpa Smith.” Calling them by their first name “Grandma Rose” and “Grandpa Ben” would be disrespectful. She would probably have had me call my aunts and uncles by their last names too, but there were too many of them with the same last name, since her mother had a litter of them.

One of my grandpas was first named Bernard, so it would’ve sounded weird to call him Grandpa Bernard. Like St Bernard.

And he pronounced it “BARE-nid”

Which was weirder.

"Don't drink calories."

"You're a hot ticket!"

"Get your hand out of that secret serviceman's pants right this minute!"

"Mary!"

Whenever I argued with my father and went to her to get her take on his decision, she always said, "I don't get between trees and their bark, it's an extremely uncomfortable position". Love you, MOM.

"Here's the _____ that ya' had to have!"

NO!!

[quote]NO!!

If your mother said this, you MUST be an eldergay.

My mother was known to say, “you better just knock it off. I don’t have time to go to the hospital today!”

Grandma used to say, “quit your crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about!” This was usually followed by a whack on the head with a wooden spoon.

We was po.

"Run down to the store and buy me some Tampax. I'm gushing!"

If you don’t stop that whining, I’ll give you something to whine about.

Put gas in my car (gauge is on E) and bring me a cappuccino.

As I was going off to art school, my mother told me that there were many homosexuals in art schools. I had to be careful not to get between two boyfriends because they were violent and I'd most likely get caught in the middle when they started shooting.

"Remember who you are!" -- she always said it to me before I went out with friends in the evening

"I like having nice tits.

I like having tits in a nice dress."

Now put the other fist in.

Why don’t you protect me? Still doing it 50 years later.

If you’re not going to tell me what you’re talking to Dr Saperstein (child psychologist) about, how am I ever going to be able to help you?

I was already seeing a shrink in the second grade.

Get up off your ass and change the channel.

You’re gonna sit there until you finish those vegetables.

"Go outside and play. Don't come back till I call you."

Don't make me break my foot off in your ass!!

Yeah, I got that one on the day my grandfather died, R61. No mourning for me, just get out the checkbook and get to work.

“Man-Oh-Manischewitz!”

We were Catholic.

After eveything I went throught to have a child and I had you...

On Christmas Eve, she’d read The Night Before Christmas, and when she got to “Filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk” she’d stop and say, “That was the year your father went with him.” He’d shake his head and look disgusted. They were married 72 years.

When I was going to have to do something I really didn't want to do and was complaining about it she would say "why are you upset, it's just a tiny moment out of the rest of your life".

And when I was really acting childish about something I disliked she would look at me and say "learn to love it".

Your face is going to freeze like that.

After she would sit down and realize she didn't have her cigarettes, "Will you bring mommy her cigarettes?"

Turn off that television!

Never vote republican!

The most shocking thing my mother ever said to me, I was 12, was

[quote] "Your father went to the doctor and the doctor told him there was no reason he couldn't start having sex again but if he thinks I am going through all that for five minutes of wham bam thank you mam he is crazy"

I stopped asking for a little brother after that.

When I complained about the food that was served: “You have two choices... take it or leave it!”

When I wasn’t in the clean plate club: “Your eyes were bigger than your stomach.”

When doing a half-assed job at something: “Close enough for government work.” Or “It’ll do until the real thing comes along.”

When doing a very half-assed job at parallel parking: “You’re allowed to be up to 18” away from the curb.”

Don't put thing in poosey until you see the moneys on table.

Eat my whole pussy! Stop wasting it!

Your father has a small dick.

They're all going to laugh at you!

"At your age we used to walk to school in the snow, without shoes!"

"Take him with you!" - whenever I went to the store.

Did I take trig?

Not tonight! I’m on the rag!

You'll die alone and it can't be soon enough to suit me.

Me: Mom! But I, but I....

Mom: Aye aye aye, Dolores!

Honey don't eat bats, pangolins or other nasty ass critters or you'll get coronavirus.

Don't be silly....

get me a pack of smokes!

Don’t make me go to your school and knock the dicks out of your mouth

No, Liberace is not a homosexual!

It’s just part of his act. He plays the part of a flamboyant showman.

"I will fucking kill you"

"Oh just let your Dad have his fun. You don't have to swallow it."

I have one of those r68. Put my poor father in an early grave but that nasty viper is still going. The day can't come soon enough. I sympathize greatly.

[quote] If you’re not going to tell me what you’re talking to Dr Saperstein (child psychologist) about, how am I ever going to be able to help you?

Dr. Saperstein? Wasn't he on "Open End"?

Why can’t you give me the RESPECT that I’m entitled to?! Why can’t you treat me like i would be treated by any STRANGER ON THE STREET?!

My mother is/was a Grammar Nazi.

Me: “Ma, can I have some more ?”

Ma: “MAY I have some more? And don’t call me ‘Ma!’, I can’t STAND it. Call me anything but that.”

She did not stop correcting me until I was around 40. I’m saying I couldn’t express a single thought in multiple sentences without her harshly correcting me (there was always something I did or said incorrectly) until I was 40 — meditate on how that shaped me over four decades. As awful as she can be though, I am truly grateful that she taught me that doing things correctly and properly really does matter.

Thanks MA, you fucking bitch!

So... all that serial killing you've done hasn't colored your view on this R97?

Colored my views on what exactly lolol?? I’m just sharing that I happened to grow up with an uber OCD and critical mother. I know I’m not alone.

"Dolly Baby, hook Nana's garters in the back." Said to me by my grandmother; she wore one of those suits-of-armor corsets.

"Don't be a naughty boy!" Said to me by my Mother when I would sneak into the bathroom as she was taking a shower and stand on the toilet seat to look at her tits and bush and dump a glass of cold water down her back.

So what? It's not like you've never seen me high before and it's not like you'll never see it again.

"Zip me up, doll. Mama's gotta go earn your lunch money."

"You listen to me. Don't shit where you eat."

And she was right.

R100 is gross

I've blocked most of it out. Mine had clinical logorrhea for many years. She would discuss at length and in detail any thought that popped into her head, no matter how grossly inappropriate. Oddly now that she's older this tendency is not as bad as it once was.

If I want anything out of you, I’ll knock it.

“Across that subject, let us draw a veil.”

“Discretion is the better part of valor.”

“Let us discuss the word, percipience.”

“Hi-diddle-de-dee, an actor’s life for me!”

“Dames is pizen.”

“Girls have a hard time generally.”

R105 But what if YOU have it, also, so you just don't notice hers anymore?

[quote] And don’t call me ‘Ma!’, I can’t STAND it. Call me anything but that.”

That's funny, because my mom always wanted her kids to call her "Ma," and none of us ever would. We always called her "Mom," even when she signs her letters as "Ma."

"It will get well before you get married."

And, you know, she was right!

“Do you know how expensive organic milk is? I had to raise you on literally nothing, so, huff huff, I just think it’s irresponsible for you to pay for ORGANIC milk. You can’t afford it, that’s all.”

“I should have stopped at one.”

You'll have people talking about us!

We're going to end-up in the poorhouse.

Don't act like a bunch of heatherns.

“I never should have had kids!”

To be fair, this wasn’t said to me, she was bitching with my “Uncle” because our oven was falling apart, a hanger held the door on, and my wild lesbian linebacker clown girlfriend ripped the door off when we were goofing around, we were maybe 13. So mom was freaking and completely drained, I get it. But I was lurking after I hid in my room, and overheard her say it. Shit like that sticks with you forever, even when intellectually you understand the person doesn’t actually mean that, it was just them having a very low moment.

I had a therapist who I shared that story with....she told me that she had a client who had a brother who drowned when he was quite young, maybe 8. He was there when his brother drowned, and when the adults finally came, his father was so hysterical and shocked, that he turned to his son and said, “this is YOUR fault! You should have been watching him!”

Many years later, father and son discussed that, and the father had zero memory of saying that, and apologized to his son. The moral of the story from the therapist was that this man carried his father’s words from that day with him for decades — and the father had no recollection that he said something so awful, we must face these experiences so we can move on from then. We carry these wounds with us, and they will never heal unless we face them. Words have power, especially when they come from a parent.

Sorry to derail, this thread is about MAs, not POPs.

"Mama, I'm bored, what can I do?"

"Take a shit, & pull it in two."

Oh honey, (sigh). You’re a girl. You’re never going to have the advantages your brother did. And everyone already KNOWS him. Try to look decent.

What's the matter, your arms broke?

You get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

Mom: "Don't talk back to me!" Me: "Why not? I can if I want to!"

My parents never hit me, but in my case they should have.

It's been four years so R2 is probably dead now, but "Boss Pepsi" refers to a 64-ounce size Pepsi called "The Boss" that was out briefly in the 1970s.

Always douche between gentleman callers. It’s just the polite thing to do, unless one of them wants to pay a little extra for a snowball.

Be sure when you film me eating the mayor’s asshole out, you shoot me from the left, it’s my best side and I want to look great when I show it to his lawyer.

It’s isn’t very lady like to not let a man shit on your face if he bought you a nice dinner AND let you pick out two desserts. You will get a reputation as being difficult if you keep that behavior up.

Always say your prayers before bed

The Port of Authority

- Nathan Lane's mother

Don't play ball in the house

"I almost DIED giving birth to you! And this is how you act!"

I tried my best but you just never listened. You don't even have looks to fall back on, you big ugly thing.

OMG! WHAT'S WRONG????!!!!!!!!

How my Mom answered the phone.

No one will ever love you for anything except your money.

[quote]"I almost DIED giving birth to you! And this is how you act!"

Meant to add she really did almost die giving birth to me. I started coming out BUTT FIRST and the doctors had to shove me back in and turn me around.

I WAS BORN PRESENTING HOLE!

'Did I leave a cigarette burning?' - Just as my father was about to turn on to the expressway, a mile from our home.

'No, I am not going to drive you to school. A little rain never hurt anybody'

'It's not burned, it's well done'

'Your father and I were not arguing. We were discussing'.

'Answer the phone while I get my cigarettes'

Every year on my birthday, she'd call and say, "Well, I feel better today than I did [insert my age here] years ago today!" Thanks, Mom.

"I told you. But you wouldn't listen. If you had just listened to me...."

My mother might have qualified for sainthood. Her only failing was that goddamned, "I told you...."

"I'm not running a hotel!" Said when we asked what was for dinner and didn't like what she made.

"There are starving children in India!" Said when I refused to eat the peas and carrots, Lima beans, or any other vegetable that had been boiled beyond recognition or nutritional value. I so wanted to say "Well send this crap to them!" But I wanted to keep my teeth.

"No calls after 10:00 pm." - Mom always said only bad things happened after 10 o'clock. True to her word, when she died, the assisted living facility called me. It was 10:31 pm.

"Well, you've got 10 minutes to get home!" I had gone out and gotten lost driving home. I knew I was going to miss curfew so I called.

"I love you." She always said this to us kids (4) when we went up to bed at night.

"I love you."

"I'm proud of you."

R133, your Mom IS the BEST! Seriously!

Mom would ask me to go knock on the doors of certain neighbors to ask them to borrow a pack of smokes for her.

Embarrassing, but she WAS in bed with fibroid tumors at the time so understandable she couldn't exactly get in a car and go.

Come make Mommy feel good

“Have you met any girl yet?” *Gay fear*

My mother,, who suffered from poor health on and off for as long as I could remember used to say 'If you've got your health, you've got everything'.

Of course, as a prissy little gayling I thought she couldn't POSSIBLY have been right, but as I wheeze into old age, I can look back and definitely appreciate what she was saying.

There are no Pollyannas in this house!

She only had to say it once.

Flip the tv to channel 7. It’s time for Rita Bell’s Prize Movie.

Here’s a dollar fifty; ride your bike to Joe”s (corner store) and pick up a pack of Salem’s for me. Soft pack.

Only White Trash people drink Mountian Dew and wear flip flops in places other than the pool or beach. My mother's edict stated in June 1967, I was 8 back then and to this day I do not drink mountain dew or wear flip flops!

Baby , please don't say N* toes In front of the maid at Christmas .

"Take all you want, but eat all you take"

"If you don't have anything nice to say, simply say nothing at all"

"A steak is [italic] done, [/italic] you're [italic] finished.[/italic]"

"There are starving children in Africa; WE do not waste food"

"Trust me, you'll thank me later for this..."

"Stop looking at your sister like that"

"well life isn't fair!"

I used to whine about things not being fair.

I should also add : "Always strive to be very generous, people will judge you for being Jewish".

I've followed her advice my entire life, yet I do not think it made any difference.

R144 is a Libra?

Be true to your teeth, or they'll be false to you.

"I hate this life. Why was I ever born ". I resented her but now I sympathize . As I get older I understand how she became that way.

"Those people are trash, Paul Mark Keith Samuel! They drive a Chrysler and eat hamburgers with their bare hands! We may be poor now, but the Eldergates have always had class. Remember that my son!"

“You’re just like your father” (who she hated and said leaving him was the best thing she ever did).

God gave you tity which is for sharing and getting the money.

"Who are you??"

You'd leave your house without your head if it wasn't attached to your neck.

“Make the salad!”

“Spit in one hand and wish in the other. See which one gets full quicker.”

“You have champagne taste and a beer pocketbook.”

“The hell you say!”

You;re not lying around here watching TV all day.

She told me she loved me no matter what . I miss her everyday

When I was leaving for school in the morning—“Say something nice to the homely girls.”

"Don't let boys touch your boobs. They will always want more."

Not a problem, Mom.

R159 LOL

You could paraphrase anything Faye Dunaway said in Mommie, Dearest and get the gist.

Except for the wire hangers. For one thing, my mother got wire hangers for free. Like boxes of them. She could have started a scrap metal business. Even though I have no wire hangers, I have inexplicably developed the habit of hoarding hangers. Teal colored plastic ones are my favorite.

Trust me, when I die, whoever is stuck cleaning my place will say, "WTF is up with these teal plastic hangers?"

what, nothing smart from JonBenet Ramsay, formerly of Boulder, Colorado?

“I hope you die before I do so I can piss and shit on your grave”

She said that to me the last 3 times we spoke.

R163 She seems nice.

Always wear clean underwear each day in case you get hit by a bus. Yes

Rise and shine and meet the day!

I'm as skittery as a cat on a hot tin roof!

Yes, we were from the border South and people really did talk like Tennessee Williams characters. He got them from somewhere.

She woke us up every morning with "All ashore who's going ashore." I have no idea where that came from. We don't have a Navy heritage...

Mom: “I’m not a complete idiot, y’know!”

Me: “Well, Mom. Nobody’s perfect.”

Mom: * S M A C K ! *

Mom in depression: Make me eggs.

Me: Five years old. I can't cook.

She; Just do it. Nike has nothing on her.

My Mom was always telling me to cut my nails. She said that boys shouldn't have long nails. To this day, I cut my nails all the time and I look down on guys with long untrimmed nails.

I was in the car with my mother one day and I think I said something dumb. She looked at me and said "what does that have to do the price of eggs in China?' I had no idea what she meant.

I just don't know where we got you. You're not one of mine.

R171, my Mom used to say "What does that have to do with price of tea in China? I've never heard eggs but who knows!

"Toby B ( our neighbor)s a fat slob"

"All the women in the neighborhood are jealous of me"

"Why do you do everything to embarrass me?"

"Because I said so"

"your father can't get an erection" ( swear to God she said this to me when I was about 17)

R171 and R173 I heard it from mom as '....the price of rice in China."

"Tough darts" (she was too ladylike to say "tough shit," and this was her weird alternative--I've never heard anyone else say this)

"There's no 'fair'" (whenever one of us kids complained something was unfair)

What are you, on parade? Move!!

(This would be if I was walking too slowly, or otherwise in her way)

You heard me!!

(Usually in response to my "what?" when told to do something I didn't really want to do)

Never fall in love outside of your area code.

Why can't you be like the other boys?

TAKE [ITALIC]HUMAN[/ITALIC] BITES

Not my mom but a mutant woman living down the road:

“ Nikki get into that fucking house straight away for your dinner. You have my heart broken you fucking bastard. Wait till your father gets home he’ll sort you out you desperate cunt. Did you hear me tell you to come in for your dinner? Sweet Jesus and his blessed mother give me patience”.

For years. And years. 😂😂

R178, my Mom HATED when we said "What?" when she called us! She'd just keep calling our names until we either said "Yes" or stomped downstairs to see her face to face.

I love all your memories of your moms. I had a distant mother and my memories of her are affectionate but formal.

R 167: love that all ashore comment. Reminds me of something my dad would’ve said. Thanks

Regarding my weight: “This is really bad.” Regarding her alcoholism: “I’m the parent and you’re the child.”

Stop doing that or you’ll go blind.

Mother: What's that look on your face?!

Me: IT'S MY FACE!!!

Mother: Your father thinks we picked up the wrong baby from the hospital.

Me: Of course he does, HE WAS DRUNK!

Mother: I'm going to tell him you said that.

Me: (SLAMS DOOR)

Mother: (Bangs on door, kicks it hard) Do I need to remind you that we aren't animals in this house! WE DON'T SLAM DOORS!

"What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of there and give someone else a chance?"

Ah, good times.

Repeatedly, for years: "That (ugly girl down the street) is going to be a knockout. Boys are going to be lined up around the block for her."

Years later: "I was wrong. She turned out ugly."

"Scribbled shit with eggs in it."

R176, my Nebraska-born mother said “tough darts,” too, but only when she was sober.

11 PM at night. I'm still sitting there refusing to eat my stewed okra, which is now cold.

Mom: Think of all the starving children in Africa!

Me: Name one.

Mom: [Slaps me hard across the face. Daddy finally intercedes and I'm finally sent to bed.]

The only thing I want to hear out of your mouth all night is "Please", "Thank you", or "No thank you". Anything else and you sit in the car.

"Precious! Come in here and finish Mama off!"

lmao, r195.

R193, I SO wanted to ask my Mom if we could send my (insert disgusting food here) to those starving children!!

You don't buffalo me!

It wasn't about okra, it was about control.

"We all have thoughts inside us that would shame Hell."

I'm your mother, not your maid.

Me: What’s for supper?

Mom: Macaroni bitch, goddamn ham, and canned shit peas.

Stock response for anything having to do with my future: Do you want to end up on Skid Row? Well, DO YOU?!?!

Personal favorite, her accusing any and all of being “piss elegant.”

"You son of a bitch!"

Seriously.

We would agree.

R105, my mother was the same. She emitted a continual stream-of-consciousness monologue all the time, with no filter whatever. She had no compunction about saying the most wounding things to a small child.

Her theme song was, "If I hadn't had children, I could have been a star." Never mind we lived in a cultural capital, she never worked, and she had live-in help, so there were plenty of opportunities notwithstanding our obnoxious presence. Also, she could nether sing, dance, nor act.

To meet the definition for clinical narcissism, you have to have something like 5 out of 9 criteria - she had all of them. And this was before narcissism was ever a thing.

And yes, there was the "Go get my cigarettes." I was 12 when I finally started refusing. I fucking hate smoking.

She used to slap me hard across the face and I had to stand there and take it. When I was nearly 17, I hauled off and slugged her back. My father gave me a hell of a lecture, and told me I wasn't allowed to do that, and I told him I had a right to defend myself against assault. She never hit me again.

She was quite beautiful. And died in immense depression after my father died and there was no one to prop her up.