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I sometimes feel: What's the point of being gay if I'm not beautiful

I'm not ugly but certainly not hot. Gay men just don't respond to me, which makes for a rather lonely existence when you're gay.

I'm smart, well off, established in a great career, pretty fun.

Yet, none of that seems to matters to the gay men I meet.

I've tried too long for the gay community (is there one?) to even acknowledge me, let alone accept me.

Do I just give up and become a recluse? Honestly what's the point of going to a bar, party, or club hoping for something to be different this time?

by Anonymousreply 131February 27, 2021 2:33 PM

No point at all - stop going to bars and clubs looking for love., the most you'll find is probably a quick fuck. Parties are okay but only go to the ones you want to go to, not to all of them just to try to meet guys. Desperation is the most unattractive thing you can wear.

Do things you actually like to do. You'll meet people who also like those things and some of them will be gay.

by Anonymousreply 1August 26, 2016 3:59 AM

Your problem comes from within OP. I've known plenty of gay dudes who found relationships that weren't hot at all. I don't know you, but if this is what you want it isn't your looks holding you back.

It could be your personality. Or your expectations. Not trying to be mean, just honest.

by Anonymousreply 2August 26, 2016 3:59 AM

The secret is to wear the right caftan to hide your curves but accentuate your eyes.

by Anonymousreply 3August 26, 2016 4:01 AM

[quote] I'm smart, well off, established in a great career, pretty fun.

You don't sound pretty fun. You sound self-pitying, which is the opposite of fun.

No offense.

by Anonymousreply 4August 26, 2016 4:02 AM

Gay culture celebrates beauty so much that most people link the two together to the point that it's self destructive.

Stop trying to be part of gay culture and be you.

by Anonymousreply 5August 26, 2016 4:02 AM

What?? Go out and have some fun. Everybody loves a person who is fun.

by Anonymousreply 6August 26, 2016 4:03 AM

I have often been to gay community events: protests, discussions, political rallies, etc.

Rarely, if ever, do I see those hot guys we're all drooling over at the bars.

The normal everyday gays that are pushing the causes. We are the community, not particularly the adonises. They're not real.

by Anonymousreply 7August 26, 2016 4:05 AM

hire a guy and get some shit out of your system and then just be you and realize if it happens, great; if it doesn't, you have so much more than so many others ever dream of.

by Anonymousreply 8August 26, 2016 4:06 AM

Like sex columnists say all the time: No matter what you look like, there is someone in the world who will get so hot for you they want to have sex with you constantly

by Anonymousreply 9August 26, 2016 4:06 AM

Being gay is hard enough. We all have to also be compared to the latest hot porn guy or model. We all fail, no matter how hot men are.

I know a gorgeous gay man who lives in my apartment building. He's a complete emotional mess. Sure, he can get men at the snap of a finger. He loses them just as fast because he just brings too much baggage.

No, even good looking gay men don't have it easy.

by Anonymousreply 10August 26, 2016 4:10 AM

Chile, just smoke weed.

by Anonymousreply 11August 26, 2016 4:11 AM

Copious amounts of pot - it's not a bad suggestion.

by Anonymousreply 12August 26, 2016 4:12 AM

We're ALL alone in the end, which is why the old bitter gay elder isn't just a stereotype, it's the truth.

No only do gays reject the ugly, we also reject the old and the poor and the black and the asian.

by Anonymousreply 13August 26, 2016 4:12 AM

Could it be that you're expecting to have that perfect man suddenly fall in love with you

Are you rejecting others because they aren't 10s?

Be realistic about and accept yourself first.

by Anonymousreply 14August 26, 2016 4:14 AM

Look for friends, not lovers. That's the mistake so many gays make. We are constantly looking for love and sex and don't even realize that it's the friendships that are most important in our lives.

by Anonymousreply 15August 26, 2016 4:16 AM

Agree r15. Relationships end, a good friendship is worth everything.

Also if someone wants to be your friend, then someone will want to.date you. Being a good.friend to.someone proves you are a likable person someone enjoys spending time.with. A good test of personality.

by Anonymousreply 16August 26, 2016 4:20 AM

Well OP, these Gents^^ gave given you excellent advice and experience sharing. I can't think of anything, not already stated. Everyone is a little insecure. Some are just better at disguising this, or don't allow it to debilitate them. Confidence is always the difference maker. Nobody wants a self defeated whiner. You're not alone out here. If you can't be yourself around someone, then what's the point? I'm a former Urkel.. total geek. It's all about your state of mind and how you define yourself. Would YOU want to date you?

by Anonymousreply 17August 26, 2016 6:45 AM

If you go out and have fun, and if you're with your friends, and it's clear your friends respond positively to you, other people will see this and be attracted to you. But if you have the look of desperation, that look of always 'looking' - then you won't have much luck.

by Anonymousreply 18August 26, 2016 6:58 AM

There's a number of factors in the problem you present. Firstly you say the guys you meet aren't into..... well maybe it's the city/place you're in. The bigger gay communities in like NYC, London, Sydney, tend to be more of a meat market than a smaller town with a smaller community. Ive noticed in the smaller gay communities guys are more likely to settle down. Or it could be your type is very common/overlooked and if you went to a diff country it would be appreciated more. For eg, my good looking asian friend struggles to get a date in Sydney because asians are a dime a dozen here, but when he went to NY, guys were all over him.

Gays are shallow, fickle creatures. They typically tend to go for guys who are either rich, well endowed or have a hot body. Maybe you can't get the first two but anyone can get the latter if they try hard enough. Yes, you can claim to be mature and above all that, but this is like the bait/the draw card to get your foot in the door, your winning personality can be what makes them stay. Sucks but its the reality we live in.

I agree with the other posters here, don't do the same things if they arent working for you. Try something different.

by Anonymousreply 19August 26, 2016 7:00 AM

[quote] We're ALL alone in the end, which is why the old bitter gay elder isn't just a stereotype, it's the truth. No only do gays reject the ugly, we also reject the old and the poor and the black and the asian.

Who is this "we"?

Correction:

Bigots reject racial minorities.

Blacks & Asians are members of the gay community. You use the word gay to refer to only Whites.

There are plenty of racial minorities who are gay and love dating and fucking other minorities. And there are plenty of bigots, equally as ignorant as white bigots, who will not date Whites.

And of course the internet provides a plethora of men of all races who ave no racial hang ups.

Just because your world revolves around the white men who will not date you. It does not mean that is the reality for everyone else.

You may come down off your pedestal now, or take your whiteness down from the pedestal now.

by Anonymousreply 20August 26, 2016 9:23 AM

It's one of those things about the gay scene that I find curiously repellant. When you're young, naive and inexperienced, the scene looks and sounds incredible - gay men, just like me! People dancing to the same music as me! I have found my people! etc etc - but as you get older and you start realising that it's really just a waste of time in the long run, you start questioning your own attractiveness. Don't. Being "physically attractive" fluctuates with fashion and fashion is about being one of the herd. Do I regret not being a thirty-two inch waist anymore (I'm a forty-four, if you must know - yay for MS and bloody weight gain!) - the answer is no. Physical attraction is fleeting. Emotional attraction is far more fun - some would say it's more rewarding. I'm lucky that I'm in a relationship with a guy I circled (and he circled me) for years, who knows me, who accepts me and doesn't give a shit if I'm not a stereotype of "gay beauty". Remember - physical age is dependent on how well the already-decaying musculature sits on your already-decaying skeleton and how good your already-fading skin stretches over everything else. We all age, darling (unless we're Cher or Colton Hayne's hole), and thats the grim truth for every bunny out there. Embrace yourself, relax and don't worry.

by Anonymousreply 21August 26, 2016 9:43 AM

[quote]Chile, just smoke weed.

And then go to the bars. You'll give zero fucks and then you'll meet someone. Also could you sale me a quarter? I'm dry over here.

by Anonymousreply 22August 26, 2016 9:57 AM

[quote] I'm not ugly but certainly not hot.

I have to wonder if you are not getting hit on, or is it you are not getting hit on by the #9 and #10 type of guys that you want?

[quote] what's the point of going to a bar, party, or club

You have heard of the internet I assume since you are using it. Use it for dating, doesn't have to be a hookup if you don't want that. Don't just wait for someone to hit on you, you do the hitting on but be realistic if you are not a #10 don't expect 10's to find you irresistible.

by Anonymousreply 23August 26, 2016 10:12 AM

The problem is you admit you are probably a 5 but you are searching out for the 8 to 10's. Likely you are ignoring most who aren't aesthetically hot. And you wonder why no-one comes your way. My suspicion is you are looking fir the hot guy to make you feel better about your own self assessment-physically. I must be ok if the hot guy goes for me. Reality is either settle for less or chose a single life and make the most of it. You dont need someone to find happiness.

by Anonymousreply 24August 26, 2016 10:28 AM

You mean the hot gay guys don't respond to you, OP? The 10s and 12s?

by Anonymousreply 25August 26, 2016 10:40 AM

OP = the gay Shallow Hal.

by Anonymousreply 26August 26, 2016 10:44 AM

OP at least you are well off, it's worse being invisible and poor.

by Anonymousreply 27August 26, 2016 10:58 AM

R24 The problem is you admit you are probably a 5 but you are searching out for the 8 to 10's

That statement basically sums up what's been at the heart of so much misery and heartache in the gay community since time immemorial.

by Anonymousreply 28August 26, 2016 11:03 AM

Try apps OP. Much easier than bars or clubs and a lot of the things that make you insecure may not be there--easier to be bold on Grindr than at a club

Also, don't just go to gay stuff. Go do things you find interesting. Straight people you meet have gay friends and just might introduce you, which is a lot less stressful than standing around a club wondering why no one wants you.

by Anonymousreply 29August 26, 2016 11:05 AM

OP isn't searching for just a partner. He wants the hot partner. Anyone else is off the table.

by Anonymousreply 30August 26, 2016 11:08 AM

^^^^^^

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 31August 26, 2016 11:11 AM

Trans, yep trans, OP. That's the woman begging to be released.

by Anonymousreply 32August 26, 2016 11:16 AM

Life is much richer than our pessimistic thoughts and life is also too COMPLICATED to be simply happy. Everyone, we should learn to carry on with what we have and what we can get. I'm not sure that there's another way.

by Anonymousreply 33August 26, 2016 11:20 AM

Don't listen to the snarks, OP. I feel you. Its a major reason I drank for so many years. I agree with the posters who recommend activities outside of the bar and Grindr scene. Do things you enjoy and that make you feel good about yourself - the rest will fall in place.

The whole beauty standard/financial status thing in our gay male culture (I'm looking at you, LOGO and your new "Prince Charming" show) is fucking poisonous.

by Anonymousreply 34August 26, 2016 11:30 AM

OP your focus on life is purely superficial. There are all spectrums of beauty and people tend to cohabitate with people in their same league- but you are obsessed with the people out of your league (the 'beautiful' people). You really have to enjoy your life, as you only get one. And please understand that as we get older, most all of us are no longer 'beautiful'... trust me on this, as I used to be a hot 20-something...

by Anonymousreply 35August 26, 2016 11:30 AM

[quote]You'll give zero fucks

Ugh.

by Anonymousreply 36August 26, 2016 11:47 AM

Beauty helps, but doesn't bring happiness necessarily.

Look at Angelina Jolie for example. She has the most gorgeous hubby, she is really beautiful, she has her family and people who admire her, she can say the right things in interviews and yet...something goes wrong. I don't think she is happy. When you are happy, you are not that thin and i tell you that from personal experience.

by Anonymousreply 37August 26, 2016 12:53 PM

Life is so much better in every way when you're hot, especially in the gay world. It's just the way it is.

by Anonymousreply 38August 26, 2016 12:59 PM

Mary OP, you should convert to Lesbianism.

by Anonymousreply 39August 26, 2016 1:00 PM

r38 Until it all comes crashing down.

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by Anonymousreply 40August 26, 2016 1:03 PM

Substitute "woman" for "gay" in OP's post, and you have grasped the reality for 50% of the world's population.

by Anonymousreply 41August 26, 2016 1:10 PM

r41 Straight men still aren't as picky about women's looks as gay men are about other gay men. If straight men were as particular about beauty as gay men, the world's population would drop drastically, although you do make a valid point.

by Anonymousreply 42August 26, 2016 1:13 PM

[quote]You'll give zero fucks

[quote]Ugh.

Too urban for you, grandpa?

by Anonymousreply 43August 26, 2016 3:48 PM

What's the point in being beautiful, if you're not gay?

by Anonymousreply 44August 26, 2016 3:54 PM

[quote] Being gay is hard enough. We all have to also be compared to the latest hot porn guy or model. We all fail, no matter how hot men are.

NONE of this is true.

by Anonymousreply 45August 26, 2016 4:02 PM

OP, what do you bring to the table? Do you workout? Do you dress the part? Manscape the uni-brow and back? Why don't you just fish in YOUR part of the ocean. If you aren't all that, lack the confidence and esteem to relate to an Uber-hottie, approach and strike up a conversation. Please don't be one of those unrealistic, Disney fantasied, Some day your Prince will come, gay guys. No super fine dude is EVER going to come up to you, make the first move. Being Hot gives the privilege and power to scan and scope for other Adonis's, make them compete for you. Pick the fairest fuck of them all. Average looking guys, like you right? Trying to hook-up with the 10's of the world, exude pure confidence. Total extroverts. They have winning, persuasive personalities, to compensate for less than ideal standard looks. Getteth thy plain arse on an app or site where other 6's 7's roam. Quit fantasizing and take a dose of reality. If a guy spends quality time working out.. Perfecting himself and his game.. What makes you special enough to be with?

by Anonymousreply 46August 26, 2016 4:26 PM

Existential angst from people with limited mental acuity is a sad thing to witness.

What's even sadder is someone whose entire identity revolves around being gay or, even worse, having sex.

Or even sadder yet, the lack of self-awareness to recognize that one participates in the exact behavior one derides as the source of his angst.

by Anonymousreply 47August 26, 2016 4:26 PM

Tell me about it dahling.

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by Anonymousreply 48August 26, 2016 4:49 PM

I luf you baby

by Anonymousreply 49August 26, 2016 4:59 PM

So many of us deal with the same issues. Every time I see any TV show with beautiful hunks (the new gay bachelor show will be a trigger) I get a sad momentarily because no matter my level of confidence or whatever, I will never be able to be seen by society as desirable.

After that moment, I wake up and move on. We all have to figure out what our positives are. They have looks but you have ______ (fill in the blank).

by Anonymousreply 50August 26, 2016 5:03 PM

Gay men value various things: wealth, looks, humor, a big cock, status...do you have any of those to bring to the table.

My friend has a huge cock but his face isn't that great. You'd be amazed at the selection of men he attracts. Some have become bfs. His current bf is so amazingly beautiful that your mouth will drop. Even he admits he was first attracted by the cock and then got to know the warm person my friend actually is.

by Anonymousreply 51August 26, 2016 5:06 PM

You're certainly not alone, Op. Most gay men go through the same stages of grief. Most of us are not models. Yet we live on

by Anonymousreply 52August 26, 2016 5:07 PM

R50 I'm ugly, ugly, ugly!

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by Anonymousreply 53August 26, 2016 5:07 PM

[quote]the new gay bachelor show will be a trigger

Really, will it trigger you?

The majority of you people whining about this stuff wouldn't date you if you met yourself at a bar, on the street, or at a party - for the exact same superficial reasons for which you accuse other gay men.

by Anonymousreply 54August 26, 2016 5:17 PM

Donnut worrie op even if yunger and hawt cock and ass and smart.

by Anonymousreply 55August 26, 2016 5:25 PM

[quote]Also, don't just go to gay stuff. Go do things you find interesting. Straight people you meet have gay friends and just might introduce you, which is a lot less stressful than standing around a club wondering why no one wants you.

This seems to be my pattern -- I generally prefer straight bars, most of my hobbies are largely the province of straight people, etc.

And yet my last two relationships both began in gay bars.

by Anonymousreply 56August 26, 2016 5:39 PM

[quote]My friend has a huge cock but his face isn't that great. You'd be amazed at the selection of men he attracts.

Who exactly would be amazed by that? People born yesterday? Any gay guy that has been around the block know there are some bottom size queens out there.

by Anonymousreply 57August 26, 2016 5:45 PM

Foodies, Fraus, and Feelings.. OMG. Any more pity at the party left for OP? Can I at least get some iced lemon tea for my sympathy? I fucking hate tea. There's another post on Lasagna ladies. Moo! Kid's been milking us like a crackhead's tittie at feeding time. See ya' kid. Get another frog face like yours, you'll live happily e'er after. Find your spirit-totem. You gotta face like a weasel? Find your weasel mate. Maybe a chipmunk.. Close enough. I now pronounce you...

by Anonymousreply 58August 26, 2016 5:49 PM

The other choice is to stay home alone and watch TV.

That isn't much fun either. I know, I did it for 5 years, wallowing in self pity.

Get out and live life. Fuck what others think of you. Stop caring at all about what gays think. Go have fun without them. Travel.

You may actually find a man or you may not. Who cares if youre having fun?

by Anonymousreply 59August 26, 2016 5:59 PM

'OP hasn't been here very long, has he?

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by Anonymousreply 60August 26, 2016 6:03 PM

[quote] Gay culture celebrates beauty so much that most people link the two together to the point that it's self destructive.

Um, no.

The idea that only gorgeous men can pick up sex partners is a laugh out loud myth. Gay men made that up to lead the straights into thinking we have higher standards than they do, but we don't, we have lower ones.

Are you guys really gay men, or just Frauen who happen to read a lot of Dan Savage and think yourselves one of us?

by Anonymousreply 61August 26, 2016 6:55 PM

Try looking at it from the other side of the fence , OP . I was considered very good looking , and still get told how handsome I am , but my body is pudding , my arms have turned into chicken wings , and my once cute ass is a pancake . I'll be 56 next month , and have been invisible in the bars for a decade . From 13 on I realized that 95% of the men I met wanted to fuck me , not be my friend or lover , so I spent the next 30 years guarding my heart and never letting anyone in thinking all they wanted was how i LOOKED , not ME . It kills me that I could have ten women tommorow , but I cant even get hit on by any man who isnt 70 or looks like Grandpa Walton . The gay world of my youth was as shallow and as vapid as any in history , and I fit right in , but oh how I regret it all now . Id give up all the tricks and dates and flattery for just one plain guy who loved me . And somehow got me to believe it .

by Anonymousreply 62August 26, 2016 7:29 PM

Any sister, no matter how ugly, can make herself hot enough to attract sufficient sizemeat: it's called THE GYM!

by Anonymousreply 63August 26, 2016 7:33 PM

Not just restricted to gays.

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by Anonymousreply 64August 27, 2016 3:22 AM

R62 Speaks for all the old cunts and spinsters on DL who will all die alone. You go girl.

by Anonymousreply 65August 27, 2016 3:51 AM

R65, you should visit a shrink immediately. All this aggressive bitterness....

by Anonymousreply 66August 27, 2016 9:33 AM

When i saw R65's post this is what i thought of

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by Anonymousreply 67August 27, 2016 11:04 AM

You're probably underestimating yourself but you seem to be measuring yourself based on whether empty, angry people want to use you or not. You need to find sweet guys, those without a chip on their shoulders. And it is just as lonely being beautiful, except you get disdain instead of sympathy if you complain about loneliness. And you'd also be a psycho magnet. Really.

by Anonymousreply 68August 27, 2016 11:37 AM

Simply realise no hot guy will come your way. Decide whether you will settle for less or not. If not, find something else to fulfill you. That is what I did. You dont have to do the noble thing and settle for plain Jane.

by Anonymousreply 69August 27, 2016 11:37 AM

What's wrong with 5s and below dating each other?

by Anonymousreply 70August 27, 2016 11:39 AM

This begs the question, are unattractive people worthy of being loved? Sometimes when I see an average looking person, I think to myself, how can anyone possibly love something like that?

by Anonymousreply 71August 27, 2016 11:47 AM

What is wrong with average to below average guys dating each other? Why does it have to be the hot guy they pursue alone and when they get rejected, of course, they take it personally? The problem is mot the hot guy, the problem is average/below average narcissists with inflated egos.

by Anonymousreply 72August 27, 2016 12:01 PM

R71 What a weird thing to say. I've worked as an artist's model because I was so proportionate that I actually had people pressing me to do it. That's the least of it. Without sounding ungrateful for what I do have, I'm single even though I've only treated the men I've been with like gold. I also once had a friend's husband pull me aside and say: "Why do you always date beneath you?"

I was insulted by that at the time but I got what he meant: I have a protective instinct and I'm attracted to men who will fulfill that. The only problem, is they also tend to be highly intelligent, controlling and possessive to the point of dysfunction because then they feel like they have to keep this thing they caught (me).

The first guy I was with was obsessed with trying to "train" me passive and was incredibly cruel, another was obsessed with meditation and would slip into bed, wrap his hand around my neck, pretend to put a gun to my back and say "It's like I could do anything to you that I want, right now and no one could stop me" he also used to break into my apartment at the time and hide in the dark, watching me; another turned out to be a neo-Nazi who I'd initially just thought liked punk music, he wanted to find people to "breed me" with, another was a Chinese martial arts instructor who would sit outside my window at night and watch to make sure no one would steal me; another was obsessed with dressing me and bringing me around to parties and he threw away everything I owned one day, so I could only exist in stuff he bought me and another was a high powered lawyer from a prominent family that sold their Fortune 500 company. He used to lock me in his place from the outside, chase me off the road when I'd break free and try to get away, call all my family and friends to track me down and would try to make me sit in a chair for hours while he just looked at me. He was obsessed with telling me how beautiful I was and would have constant fits of jealousy and madness, if anyone even noticed me while we were out. He hated that I was taller than him and would actually try to make me slouch while I sat next to him and when I refused, he would go into an emotional meltdown about how I was making him feel inadequate. Just because I was sitting upright.

Count your blessings.

by Anonymousreply 73August 27, 2016 12:14 PM

Has the internet negatively influenced your self-esteem? I'm 42 and felt pretty good about myself (and being gay) before I went online in the late 90s. In the early days, online gay culture made a fairly good impression on me, as the gays who had a homepage were the decent/serious ones who had bothered to learn HTML. Nowadays you are confronted, via various sites and apps, with dozens of (sometimes seriously unhinged) strangers, whose opinions alternately make you feel good and bad about yourself (your looks, station in life, your social-class, etc.). You also get a warped view of how gay men should look like (case in point: the dozens of tumblr pages with images of perfect but anonymous and unattainable amateur twinks/bears/muscleheads/etc. , who only seem to exist as JPEGs). Maybe you should seriously ration your internet access for a month or so, and focus on things that make you feel good about yourself.

by Anonymousreply 74August 27, 2016 12:24 PM

Check the checklist for Borderline Personality Disorder. Then fix it.

by Anonymousreply 75August 27, 2016 7:18 PM

The happiest homosexual marriages we have seen were between to uglies.

by Anonymousreply 76August 27, 2016 7:30 PM

two uglies

by Anonymousreply 77August 27, 2016 7:31 PM

[quote]I'm smart, well off, established in a great career, pretty fun.

Your application sound exactly like the kind of person we're looking for.

by Anonymousreply 78August 27, 2016 7:47 PM

R73 should avoid dating from the trailer park.

by Anonymousreply 79August 27, 2016 11:47 PM

R79 People in trailer parks are funny and down to Earth but take that part out of it and you're right; I'm clearly looking in the wrong places.

by Anonymousreply 80August 27, 2016 11:55 PM

You'll never be alone if you have a dog and a jar of peanut butter.

by Anonymousreply 81August 28, 2016 4:18 AM

..OP, getting a clue yet honeybuns? Men, hot and not, young and old, have shared their life experiences with you. I'm a middle-aged, Midwesterner, Biracial (Black/White), Catholic schooled, ex-geek. Kinda tall, skinny. Highschool was hell for me. I was bullied out of my first highschool, after one semester. Around 17, I was tired of others BS. I began to lift weights, image/style makeover. When I returned to school for my senior year, I had changed on the outside. Nothing on the inside. The bullying diminished to some degree, but I was still allowing others to define me. Called zebra, half-breed, Urkel. It was devastating to my teen self-esteem. One day, fed up, I made a conscious decision how to define MYSELF. Not a helluva lot of biracial, gay (closeted until late 20's), role models. I turned a perceived liability around. Mixed race freak? No, I'm fucking unique. I started to FEEL comfortable in my own biracial skin, lanky body. This is the hand I was dealt, I'm gonna make it work. The gay/closeted issues came later. I was maybe a 7 or 8. But my self assuredness could not be shaken. Not trying to brag, but I'm considered handsome. Not male model/Adonis, but hometown hottie standards. Some outer physical and style upgrades.(not surgery) I've hooked-up with truly stunning guys. Of all my encounters, the most handsome guys were the most dysfunctional, and insecure. Narcissistic and emotionally needy and greedy. Above posters laid it bare for you. I'm getting older, and I don't seek perfect and pretty guys anymore. Too draining. I look for someone attractive, not perfect. Flaws make us human and relatable. Actually, I was over prettyboys long ago. I seek intelligence, humor, emotional maturity and stability. Figure it out.. and yourself. If you hunt big game OP, you've got to be equipped for the task. Find someone compatible. That you can stand to be around, and WILL BE THERE FOR YOU. Beauty always fades OP. Friends, buddies and family will ALWAYS have your back. You should allow a passably cute and DECENT one to poke it. We've shared^^ It's your life, your move. Skin deep is shallow.

by Anonymousreply 82August 28, 2016 4:22 AM

The Hershey Highway is the road to misery.....but only IF you take it seriously!

by Anonymousreply 83August 28, 2016 8:50 AM

steam your anus and your life will change

by Anonymousreply 84August 28, 2016 12:43 PM

R82 that was truly amazing. Thank you

by Anonymousreply 85August 28, 2016 1:33 PM

Op does make an interesting mention of gays guys just not responding to him.

I know what he means. I'm gay but don't give off that vibe at all. I wish I did.

Gay men ignore me until I mention something gay. Only then do they even give me a chance.

by Anonymousreply 86August 28, 2016 1:36 PM

[quote]No only do gays reject the ugly, we also reject the old and the poor and the black and the asian.

'

[quote]Who is this "we"? Correction: Bigots reject racial minorities.... There are plenty of racial minorities who are gay and love dating and fucking other minorities. And [bold]there are plenty of bigots, equally as ignorant as white bigots, who will not date Whites.[/bold] And of course the internet provides a plethora of men of all races who ave no racial hang ups. Just because your world revolves around the white men who will not date you. It does not mean that is the reality for everyone else.

I wish I could give you more than one W&W, R20.

by Anonymousreply 87August 28, 2016 1:57 PM

A generou$ gentleman just left here after donating 100 euros - and NO rubbers!

by Anonymousreply 88August 28, 2016 2:52 PM

Pass yourself off as straight and marry a woman. Gay guys will be falling all over each other trying to get in your pants.

by Anonymousreply 89August 28, 2016 3:06 PM

[quote] And there are plenty of bigots, equally as ignorant as white bigots, who will not date Whites.

Do these people really exist? Skeptical...

by Anonymousreply 90August 28, 2016 4:35 PM

Oh yes R90.

by Anonymousreply 91August 28, 2016 4:36 PM

r73, you need to write a book. Or a series of books, even.

I don't care if everything you wrote is true or not, I would pay money to read more about it!

by Anonymousreply 92August 28, 2016 6:35 PM

R92 All true and so much more. It's pretty hilarious, when I see it written down.

by Anonymousreply 93August 28, 2016 6:39 PM

It does sound like anyone you find attractive is out of your league.

And if there isn't anybody on your level of attractiveness that you find appealing then give it up.

Sounds like you've been around awhile and nothing has panned out.

Which means it probably never will.

Find another reason to be alive because a meaningful relationship is not going to be one of them.

You realize this is also true for straight people.

That's why there were so many cultural pressures to get married and have children.

Otherwise all these average and homely people would have never wanted to fuck one another.

by Anonymousreply 94August 28, 2016 6:57 PM

R94 has a point. Arranged marriage exists for a reason.

by Anonymousreply 95August 28, 2016 7:00 PM

You need to arrange yourself a husband OP.

*makes the rubbing-fingers-money-gesture*

by Anonymousreply 96August 28, 2016 7:01 PM

R96 you do realize property and money is the whole reason marriage exists?

Or are you still in pre-k?

by Anonymousreply 97August 28, 2016 7:05 PM

I'm ugly. I'm used to it. I know I will forever be alone, but I'm fine with it.

by Anonymousreply 98August 28, 2016 7:42 PM

Only in spirit, R97.

by Anonymousreply 99August 28, 2016 7:57 PM

I would work on becoming rich. Beauty fades.

by Anonymousreply 100August 28, 2016 8:02 PM

I agree. Cute has an expiration date. Money, if handled properly, is forever and will keep you drowning in hot guys until you're dead.

by Anonymousreply 101August 28, 2016 8:04 PM

If you're ugly, you should work on your personality. You can attract people by being charismatic.

by Anonymousreply 102August 28, 2016 8:06 PM

Sorry to go off topic but does W&W and F&F mean exactly?

by Anonymousreply 103August 28, 2016 9:21 PM

W&W is Wit and Wisdom - essentially means you've voted it as a great comment.

F&F is Flames and Freaks - you're flagging for moderator review.

They were more useful on the old Datalounge.

As for this thread, R1 really said it all.

by Anonymousreply 104August 28, 2016 9:23 PM

Doing things you enjoy you'll meet people just like you- desperate, just trying not to be.

And not one of you will want to fuck each other so trying not to try doesn't work.

Accept the reality of your lack of attractiveness to those who you find attractive.

It's pretty shitty but you can't do anything about it.

You are just one of those people who do not give others a hard-on no matter how successful financially you are or how much fun you are to be with.

by Anonymousreply 105August 28, 2016 10:21 PM

Make your inner life the best that it can be, OP, and invest time with your friends to make those relationships the best they can be.

Learn new things, follow your heart and your interests.

And you'll be surprised who comes into your life.

by Anonymousreply 106August 28, 2016 10:25 PM

Below average looking guys are so ahallow.

by Anonymousreply 107August 28, 2016 10:25 PM

All different types are shallow.

I've known some homely guys who thought they deserved much more attractive partners.

And they didn't even have money going for them.

by Anonymousreply 108August 28, 2016 10:36 PM

beauty is in the eyes of the beholder darling...if you have something else to offer then go for it ;)

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 109August 28, 2016 10:39 PM

R3 and his ilk are the reason why DL is still worth a visit!

by Anonymousreply 110August 28, 2016 10:39 PM

Homely guys don't date other homely guys because they're vain assholes and they have the audacity to blame others for their singleness because they are so absent minded. They think others are the problem when THEY are the problem.

by Anonymousreply 111August 28, 2016 10:47 PM

Actually "arrogant" is a better word than "absent minded".

by Anonymousreply 112August 28, 2016 10:48 PM

Their homeliness is the problem. They resent others for it.

And who wants to date a homely guy?

Not even other homely guys and how can you blame them?

Still it doesn't give them the right to act like assholes.

They need to blame their parents or God or whoever it is you blame for these things not the guys they're attracted to who wouldn't piss on them if they paid them to.

by Anonymousreply 113August 28, 2016 11:06 PM

for your eyes only

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 114August 28, 2016 11:53 PM

Being gay does not guarantee beauty. Most people are plain or fugs Deal with it Cinderfella!

by Anonymousreply 115August 29, 2016 12:16 AM

Cannot stand fugs and their entitlement.

by Anonymousreply 116August 29, 2016 12:20 AM

[quote] This begs the question, are unattractive people worthy of being loved? Sometimes when I see an average looking person, I think to myself, how can anyone possibly love something like that?

Thank you for putting into words what all good-looking gay men think of average and unattractive guys. Few things feed bitterness more heartily than the reinforcement that no one can possibly love you because you're not beautiful.

by Anonymousreply 117August 29, 2016 12:22 AM

Op it's true...being gay is 90% less fun when you're ugly. might as well be straight. well, at least we have personality??

by Anonymousreply 118August 29, 2016 12:29 AM

You think ugly straight men have fun?

Then you've never known any ugly straight men.

by Anonymousreply 119August 29, 2016 1:44 AM

I, myself decided to develope a personality.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 120August 29, 2016 1:49 AM

lol - aww cute.

by Anonymousreply 121August 29, 2016 1:51 AM

His sense of humor and personality make him beautiful.

Develop your interests and go out and meet people!

by Anonymousreply 122August 29, 2016 2:03 AM

We met Miss Bruce V during intermissia at a Bette Midler show in LA.

She is FABULOUS in person!

(Miss V, that is, we have not met Miss M in person yet)

by Anonymousreply 123August 29, 2016 7:40 AM

About 95% of Americans are in the plain/ugly category. Everyone isnt crying in the corner.

Straight men hardly ever moan about their looks yet gay men obsess on it.

by Anonymousreply 124August 30, 2016 3:06 AM

If you go on xtube, you will see tons of men who are not adonises having amazing sex.

Sex is a primal behavior-- we all do it whether hot or not. Your pool of men to choose from is smaller of course but it exists.

by Anonymousreply 125August 30, 2016 3:09 AM

OP if you are average you might as well be ugly because other average guys won't want you either.

And most people end up alone anyway even those in unhappy relationships.

Life is not fair and happiness is given out randomly.

Nobody you find attractive will ever give you that look of joy when they see you that you so want to see.

Enjoy your friends.

by Anonymousreply 126August 30, 2016 12:01 PM

I seem to attract guys that look and sound straight. Not dripping with masculinity but just low key. The problem is when it's not a gay venue , I often don't realize that the good looking cashier at Trader Joe's was NOT just being friendly . He was FLIRTING with me. I realize it 12 hours later around 1 in the morning. I once had a book that said- ALWAYS dress nice when you go out ( on errands) you can meet someone ANYWHERE. I should also change my perceptions of who is gay. Just because a gay is slim and slightly rumpled that doesn't mean he doesn't bat for the GAY team.

by Anonymousreply 127February 27, 2021 2:11 PM

Become super successful at something and you'll meet someone.

by Anonymousreply 128February 27, 2021 2:15 PM

OP- I’ll date you I’m very good looking and will look great on your arm but I have no common sense and am probably pretty stupid. At least I’m self aware

by Anonymousreply 129February 27, 2021 2:18 PM

Defuncto could not possibly be the 2016 bump bitch. No way he could start a post with "I seem to attract guys..."

by Anonymousreply 130February 27, 2021 2:21 PM

Hard to believe that this thread started b4 Trump was president; it seems like a different world.

by Anonymousreply 131February 27, 2021 2:33 PM
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