I've wasted my life

I'm sure as your typical 'mo you blamed everyone else and still blame everyone but yourself for your failures.

"It probably isn't your fault," is the best you'll ever get around to.

And I'm sure the legions of homosexuals on this site will back you up and make you feel better. After all you have affirmative action to verify you're correct.

Lets get to some real help R1

First of all, how old are you OP?

I'd like to apologize to everyone for not having had that abortion.

I'm 43 R2.

Ah yes, the Sad Sack post, a time honored DL tradition.

okay--43 is the beginning of your life. You are speeding.

Follow this pain to re-discover what is your true unique self-

Look up the Uranus opposition between 42-43.

I know you dont believe or know of this but look it up and get back to me.

OP: First of all, "success" doesn't necessarily mean lots of money and a great job. Most people don't have lots of money and/or a great job. Many people pretend to have lots of money and have a lot of debt as well (which they don't brag about).

Our expectations from life are much too high: we have to expect, ask for and accept less. You are only in your early 40s so you can still make improvements in areas you most value. Live a frugal life style and save your money. People who look down on you because you're not rich aren't worth knowing so stop being friends with people like that.

remember that you don't have to find happiness or meaning in life where others do. I'm sure you can find your own way of living and being content, things don't usually work out the way we think they would or should but that's ok. you, as well as many many other people, seem to have anxiety about the "nothing to show for" aspect - you don't owe anyone to live a certain way or have a certain amount of money in your bank account. I'm sure you don't judge people you meet by what they "have to show for" in relation to their age. please don't be so hard on yourself, regardless of your age you can still make positive choices and if you suffer from depression there's always help to be found. I promise you you'll be ok and find joy, you just have to want to want it - even if no one understands your methods. volunteering at lgbt youth centers and helping homeless people in my area helped me put things in perspective, even though there's no point in comparing struggles, personal issues that I was upset over had a tendency to vanish from my thoughts when helping others. actively doing good and being a good person with a pure heart will give you guidance, life isn't over and you certainly haven't wasted your life. don't be scared of what will become of your life, just let go. you seem intelligent and all life lessons you have learned so far has lead you somewhere, use them to your advantage from this moment onward and always be kind.

R7 is right, OP - you're judging yourself too harshly - are you kind? are you a good friend? are you honest? There is time, right until the end, to improve and become a 'successful' human being - which has NOTHING to do with material pursuits, economic or social status, or some other artificial yardstick of things that can easily be erased by a downturn in the market, real estate values, etc. Build up your treasure from within

Did he kill himself after listening to you prattle on about your sad self?

in response to R6--Men and women of every race and culture commiserate with the phase of life we like to call the "midlife crisis." Believe it or not, there are key astrological cycles we'll go through during our early 40s that help us move toward a level of individuation we simply could not have achieved until these years. That is, if they don't drive us crazy first.-Your midlife crisis peaks with the Uranus opposition

Soon after -- or around the same time -- the famous Uranus opposition happens. THIS is when our world turns upside down. At around age 40-42, transiting Uranus will oppose natal Uranus and we realize that half of our life is behind us and the other half is still ahead. This is a major personal awakening that often results in a restless energy that needs to be externalized. We recognize with a sense of urgency that we only have one more chance at making our lives into what we really want it to be.

THIS is when middle-aged married men buy the red sports car and have an affair with a 25-year-old. This is when the homemaker decides to go back to college, unsettling everyone in her family. This is when the confirmed bachelor gets married and the couple you thought would be together forever announce their divorce.

We're not old, but we're no longer young, and this realization leads to a major life assessment. It's time to either meet or revamp the goals we set when we were in our 20s. This is the cycle we truly individuate and begin to live life on our own terms. Hopefully, we can accomplish this without a rebellious outburst, but it's usually part of the package. One thing is certain: After this cycle, life is forever changed.

This sad sack thread is quite like the "I am the working poor with no future" thread last week.

Meth Happens.

Would real "sad sacks" 1) write such self summaries and 2) would they post them and 3) would they think it might help somehow?

Anyone have these answers?

If these threads are est by trolls, why is this scenario fascinating to such trolls?

OP, I'd say you're doing better than your brother is.

OP you need to talk to a good therapist about the way you are judging yourself and how to set and meet goals. Reach out and get help don't settle for this life of self recrimination. It will get you nowhere. Every moment you spend judging yourself for the past is another moment wasted.

Much love and hugs and get that help NOW

Do you have medical insurance, OP? If so, please go speak with a professional. If you don't, I would advise seeking the services of a gay research center. BECAUSE, you ain't gonna get the help you need from a message board full of vipers.

At least you're not Madonna, and for that alone be proud.

I agree with r7, r8, and r9.

But I'd also add that just surviving in this world to make it to your forties is an accomplishment. The world can be difficult and even harder for LGBT folks. Don't be too hard on yourself, as the others said. Give yourself a pat on the back. You're still here.

The same attention-seeking loser guy posts this same attention-seeking loser thread every week or couple of weeks.

See a shrink is always the advice he's given and he never follows it, nor any of the other advice he's given. He's just doing this for attention.

Sucks to be you, OP.

Vipers- the lot of you. Never change.

I would rather be the OP than r1.

OP, don't despair. Think how glad your brother would nave been to have another 18 years. There are more disappointments and sorrows in life than joys for most of us. A few years ago, I realized that my life would just be more of same. I had grown older and knew this was it. I was used to comparing myself to others who had achieved more, who had more. After brooding on it for years I decided that I was going to stop judging myself and accept where I was in life. I began to have smaller goals and found ways to enjoy my life. Can't afford a nice home or beach vacation? Take a day trip to the beach, enjoy nature. Don't have a partner ? One can always masturbate, but it is the touch of the other one misses. I haven't given up the chance of meeting someone , but in the meanwhile, get massages, the body needs touch. Be kind to yourself, have compassion for yourself, realize that whatever time you have is going by minute by minute.

Get a dog or cat. We all need to love and be loved, to feel important to someone.

This is terrifying.

OP please get professional help. You might get a splash of good advice here but this isn't the forum to look for sympathy or anything meaningful. You're obviously going through a long-term depression and need either medication or talk therapy. Either way, you need a professional to guide you, not a bunch of venom filled queens. Good luck.

OP you need to get professional help. It’s called depression and you may not even realize that. It's a vicious circle of trauma and disconnection that keeps so many of us in a state where we're can't heal.

It’s never too late, OP.

I'm surprised that this post includes many warm advices. Being a cynic cunt is great only up to a certain point.

OP, while you're alive and healthy, everything is possible. 40 is new 30, honestly. Perhaps, it's a real depression or just a seasonal melanholy, anyway be strong!

Boohoo for you, we have a sicko crank in the White House and you're whining about your poor wittle self. Maybe you'll get the Wu Flu and and kick the bucket.

OP, how about thinking of any occasions or encounters where you helped or gave advice to somebody...could be as something as seemingly underwhelming as holding the door for someone who was disabled or smiling to a neighbor whom you knew had been going through some difficult time. Focus on the big difference in a positive way that you may have affected them in that moment or as a subsequent domino effect on their life—and you may then see your always-there strength and importance, and places in your life where there are still unrecognized passions you can follow, and relationships you can cultivate, successfully. :)

You've come to the right place, OP.

People at work probably depend on you more than you know, either as a calming person, someone to rely on, or someone who brightens their day. Try doing some volunteer work in your spare time, this will make you less focused on your self, and will give you a way to raise your self esteem.

Note in this bump bitch extravaganza how the 3 1/2-year old dead thread is resurrected with a throwaway comment.

However, these days, bump bitch is responding to dead threads using several of her sockpuppet accounts, meaning nearly all of these new comments in the thread, all posted in past few hours, are from the bump bitch's sockpuppet accounts. She's hoping you aren't looking at the dates on the posts. Nobody would be interested in giving advice to somebody complaining about their life on here 3 years ago.

It's gross because I click on threads only to find out they're LONG dead, and the only new comments are from bump bitch. Also, I don't want to get mislead into posting in threads that are only live because bump bitch is working on her sockpuppet account karma.

Look at it this way OP, one day you'll be dead like billions of people before you. Who remembers any of them? No one! None of this matters.

OP at least you have a roof over your head, That is something that people who are homeless or can't afford a place to live envy of you

I feel the same way OP. I am nearing retirement age, but I don't feel I can retire for a while. I have $500,000 in retirement savings, but I can't spend it now, and I don't think it's going to last for the next 25-30 years. I'am unemployed now. I have been very diligent about my job search, but it's not working. I have had several interviews along the way, but it has not resulted in a job. It's very scary. No matter what they say about a good economy, the job market competition is intense--so many candidates for every job. And I do think there is quite a bit of age discrimination out there when looking for work. I have friends, but after a while they don't sustain you. My family lives across the county. Quite an empty feeling.

That'll be 5¢, please.

Yeah, yeah yeah yeah staying alive even though life sucks, yeah!!!

^^ Ops going nowhere somebody help him, yeah

OP, we must remember that this life is only temporary anyway. We are all on this earth for a brief time. Eternal life with the Lord is what is truly important.

Did you bitches realize that some asshole bumped a 4 year-old thread?

OP, are you still there? Hello? London calling.

Yes, R43, and I commented on it at R35. Moreover, bump bitch has been bumping threads all day. Every time I check in here, most of the threads on the top of the list are bumps, most from over 3 years ago.

Come back to the Datalounge, OP, OP.

Don’t be too hard on yourself OP. Ultimately we all are forgotten and unless you’ve contributed something amazing that all of humanity can benefit from, nothing that happens in any of our lives will be important or remembered.

I would start doing what makes you happy though. Ditch the job you hate, volunteer or find some other way to interact with people you wouldn’t usually, make some new friends (but don’t come on too strong or desperate). Not for your dead brother. Or for anyone else. For you so you can enjoy what time you have left on this big ol’ spinnjng rock in the middle of nowhere

Omg you’re totally right, this is from YEARS ago! 😱 Well, let’s hear it OP - did ya fucken turn your life around or do I have to take back my R47 and call you out for being the loser piece of trash you probably are

Op, a committed suicide after reading the responses. You hoes just weren't that much fun to be around.

What is wrong with r26? Why did he bump this old thread?!

Sorry R50, but I didn't realize I was bumping it.

OP Please believe me when I tell you, you are NOT ALONE! You have to realize that so many people feel the same way you do. So many others never think about changing their life or even believe that they can. I am impressed that you are retrospective and self-aware. When you lost your brother 18 years ago, you were 24 years old (? I'm terrible at math, I think this is correct), you realized then not to take anything for granted because life is so fleeting. Don't be so hard on yourself, you have the power to change---tomorrow is always a new day. If you can be happy and healthy in this life----you are successful. And I'm sure if your brother were alive that is what would make him happy---to see you happy. I haven't lost any of my brothers in death yet, but I've watched them struggle. The truth is I have a brother who just turned 43 and he's going to prison this week. No one in our family, and going generations back has spent time in jail or gone to prison. We are all devastated. This brother never needed help. He was the one who was always successful, made great money, stayed single, traveled, had nice cars, and his freedom. I don't like talking about this, but I think it may help you to realize even when a person seems to have it all and seems so successful---they feel just exactly like you do now. I can only say take one day at a time and focus on the things you can control and always be true to yourself.

r25 is a 4 year gap from r26!!!! Why is are these old threads being resurrected????

[quote]The truth is I have a brother who just turned 43 and he's going to prison this week. No one in our family, and going generations back has spent time in jail or gone to prison. We are all devastated. This brother never needed help. He was the one who was always successful, made great money, stayed single, traveled, had nice cars, and his freedom. I don't like talking about this, but I think it may help you to realize even when a person seems to have it all and seems so successful---

Sorry about this r52, but I feel you at least owe us some details about this. Why is he going to prison? How long? How is he taking it? He still has the money made, doesn't he? Come on, this thread is a circle of shared experiences to help us feel better about ourselves.

R52 I'm not here to hang dirty laundry. (But I'm so well aware it exists and I love to be in the KNOW---wink wink) On a more serious note, I will tell you the reason my brother is going to prison is one of those things that people react very judgmentally for. I understand, because I too was the same way, until it happened to my brother. The laws are so strict and cut and dry that even if you have NEVER been in trouble with the law before, it's a mandatory sentence. These cases are federal offenses and they do not play. I know, because I contacted my high power attorney ex, I researched, I did everything to help my brother because I know he is a good person and I do not believe he deserves a prison sentence. I found him the attorney and I went with him for the first 6 months of his court. Another member of the family took over when I needed to pull back for my own well-being. The truth is I'm afraid to know what his sentence is; and we won't know until the end of his court date this week. The other thing I will tell you, once this all came down on him, he was put under house arrest. At least he was allowed to live with my parents or he'd have spent the past year in jail. He had to resign from his job. The nest egg he built up, he put into a trust for my parents, which another family member maintains. Of course, another portion he reserved for legal expenses. His cars will be sold and added to the trust. I will also say until this happened, I didn't realize how fragmented the justice system is; super harsh on some crimes---super lenient on others---it's fragile and it's scary because it can happen to any of us. My brother won't handle prison well and these laws are way too tough on first-time offenders, many, many, many lives are being unnecessarily destroyed because of them, and interestingly, the average age for these offenders is 42.

LOL. Let's meet later tonight, so we can hold a séance to communicate with OP.

I bring Tootsie-Rolls which have been sanctified by holy water.

R52/r55 I'm assuming the crime is related to some kind of financial fraud. Even though I asked for the tea, I'm not here to make fun of you. I'm genuinely sorry for you and your family. Something similar happened to a beloved uncle and he never recovered mentally or socially. His reputation was shot and it ended up killing him. I hope your brother gets through this, I really do.

Now back to OP. Even though this was years ago, we know he's probably still in his 40s now. Young enough to make changes to your life and approach to suit your circumstances. There's some really good advice on this thread and I hope he took it.

R57 and I'm not here to sensationalize problems that any one has. But IT IS NOT FINANCIAL FRAUD. I hope you guess right because it's become an epidemic and I think the government has made this problem a very easy target. In saying that, I absolutely abhor the crime and was shocked by it, but I no longer believe that everyone convicted is dangerous to society. So, in a way, I hope others will learn from it because it is a very real addiction. I believe being honest and sharing sadness and experience can help everyone. We shouldn't dwell on the bad things, but we can all learn from not only our own mistakes, but others.

Whatever it is r58, I wish you well. I honestly can’t think of anything addictive that would result in long sentence other than drugs or underage stuff. I thought it had something to do with financial impropriety because that’s what happened to my family. My uncle, an otherwise good and generous man, was done in for insider trading and we know massively successful people have some kind obsessive compulsive traits and, frankly, greed, that can impair their judgement.

R59 underage stuff on the internet...looking at it....

Sucks to be you, too bad you realized it after it was too late.

OP - you write both clearly and beautifully. Perhaps you should channel your energies into writing short stories or poetry.

Start with what you know: your life, your experiences, your observations and your feelings. I, for one, was impressed by your ability to self-examine and provide honest assessments of where you’ve been and where you’re at. All that remains to be answered is where you will go from here.

R3

R60, Wow, I get it now. That is going to be a tough one to get through considering how knee-jerk judgmental people are until it happens to someone close. Then there’s how it affects the entire family. I agree the government should be more discerning who’s a danger to society. Treatment, rather than a lengthy sentence, would make more sense but I’m sure whichever government tries that in this climate would have the public with torches and pitchforks at their door.

OP Did you look at Uranus as R6 instructed? What did you see? Did you get back to her yet as she asked you to?

R53, there are some things about Datalounge you need to understand.

First, there is a troll named Poo Shoes. She posts on here obsessively. Many I'd guess most of the ESTs are her fabrications. It wouldn't surprise me if the OP of this one were her.

Second, there is a bump bitch named Poo Shoes. She bumps old threads using her sock puppet accounts. Why? So she can accrue karma so she can start new threads about her obsessions.

Third, when somebody posts long-winded stories about people that have surprisingly few concrete details, such as R52 and R55, you can be sure it's Poo Shoes. It would have been easier for her to simply say what happened, but that is not how Poo Shoes operates. She is a textbook histrionic.

You sound depressed. Maybe you're stuck in your depression after your brother's death? I'd seek out the advice of a mental health professional and get the fuck off of this site.

Brilliant post r9