How old is too old for the gay bar?

the abbey all ages > ethnicities...escorts and sugar daddies present

The Abbey is a great place to go

you should go to the A B B E Y

Considering the internet and "dating" apps have killed the gay bar, I'd say 43 might actually be too young for the gay bar.

But then you knew that already.

one is never too old to go out to a bar...fuck 'em it's your life

all ages > ethnicities...escorts and sugar daddies present at the A B B E Y

If you're going with the hopes of scoring with someone half your age, then don't bother.

If you're going for a drink and to people watch, you are never too old.

Personally I like the wrinkle rooms of yore where one was not bothered by some pathetic twink,

Just the company of men.

Doesn't LA have any bear bars? There are lots of older men in the one I go to. There's another "working class" gay bar in town where half the guys resemble Jeffrey Tambor in Transparent.

At 43, OP would find guys old enough to be his father in both of those places.

Agree with R7.

When you're older than 40, you're fully entitled to not give a fuck about what other people think.

I feel bad for you OP- although you might be shy, as we age you typically can appreciate the fact that you care LESS what people think- not sure why that is not he case with you. I am 50, and could care less what someone says about a place I choose to go. MARY!

I believe there's a natural evolution and if you'll fade out by intention and never give it a thought. If you belong there and enjoy genuine company then by all means .. enjoy

If you enjoy yourself go for it. Personally I started to feel out of place at gay bars and stopped going in my late 30's. The only thing I can tell you is this is your life and take advantage of anything that gives you pleasure.

op sounds bpd.

[quote]I'm not looking to hook up

Yeah, right.

I hated lesbian bars when I was in my twenties and always scored on trains, at parties, at the laundromat... Now that I'm approaching 40 would actually be a good time to start enjoying the bars.

Not giving a fuck does help.

I say 35 should be the absolute limit.

I'm 43 too and I agree you shouldn't care.

In Provincetown 40 seems to be the legal minimum. It's also lots of fun. More talking and laughing , less cruising.

I remember being at a dance club and seeing a man in his 60s on the dancefloor. He was clearly on drugs (GHB).

I told my friend: "If you ever see me like that, punch me in the face and get me in a cab."

Now, that I am older (not that old), I'd like to think it was because he was so messy.

Learn to live your life fearlessly OP. You're crippled by your own insecurity.

Nine.

Death

If you're over forty, definitely go with friends. Your life will be that much easier while you enjoy your cocktail.

Head east on I-10, OP. You'll be considered a spring chicken in Palm Springs.

I'm about to turn 50 — I don't go to gay bars simply because I hate the music.

[quote]If you're going with the hopes of scoring with someone half your age, then don't bother. If you're going for a drink and to people watch, you are never too old.

Exactly this. Don't be the creepy guy at the bar trying to hit on guys half your age. Other than that just go, relax and try to enjoy yourself.

R27 stupid reason...did you ever like the music?

I did, R29. Vintage disco is fun, tuneful and danceable. Not anything like the heavy, boring crap they play nowadays.

[quote]stupid reason...did you ever like the music?

Nope. If a local gay bar had a rock night, I'd gladly go.

R21, tell us you made that up. A 60 year old man dancing in public? Never. I feel fainty just reading about it. How old are you, 19, maybe 20?

Gay bars are open to the public, and you don't even have to be gay. If you want to go, then go! I wouldn't let what strangers think stop me from doing anything!

People have the right to go where they want, esp on vacation , personally I am 42 and have not been to a gay bar in 10 years, AND I have a home in P Town, just the restaurants and dinner parties but that is my choice. However these queens in their 40's and up going to circuit parties seems a bit pathetic to me , but again who am I to judge , ( I guess I am though)!!!

If you have a hot, jacked, buff bod, can dress like a Bro' and give a youthful vibe, it's never too late!

I'm 58 but everyone at the bar thinks I'm like, 25!

Do you have friends OP? You don't want to go hang out at the gay bar by yourself if you can help it. But if have a friend to go with and talk to and people watch there is no need to feel self-conscious.

I agree R35 from my former post if you got it flaunt it, I see many older guys who are hot out at the bars in P Town from all over the world getting laid, go for it life is to short.

Really it depends on the bar, there are many that cater specifically to the older crowd.

Very good r26 ! Under 60 is a twink in Palm Springs , same as Ft. Lauderdale....

[quote] I'm 58 but everyone at the bar thinks I'm like, 25!

The dimmest of lighting will conceal a multitude of truths.

Actually I used to like going to the older queen piano bars in my 20's , but I guess being a theatre major in college had an influence on me...But I met other hot young guys there as we sang along together !

To R1: You are not ancient in any way, shape or form. Don't allow ageism to prevent you from enjoying yourself. Relish your maturity.

Exactly r40!

I'm closer to 60 and wish there were bars where the music wasn't blasting (how about some Sinatra!).

I am 45 and am in great shape and health , have no problem wherever I go getting interests from 20 to 30 year olds, not that it is a long term thing but hey enjoy yourself and bitter trolls be gone! Hot guys in their 40's and up rule!

I can't believe people take posts like r35 seriously. Every time people fall for it.

He left out the A&F angle to make it more marketable

[quote] I'm 58 but everyone at the bar thinks I'm like, 25!

Has the doorman of your building asked you out for coffee?

Unfortunately, where I live, R38, there's only one gay bar in this area, and it mostly caters to the younger crowd.

Sorry, I know this thread is a few years old, but I just came across it and can relate to feeling out of place at a gay club when your over 40.

*you're ^

My answer depends 1. on the bar, 2. whether you're going with company, and, 3. whether you're hoping to pick up.

40 is too old, unless it's a piano bar, then it's 60

Hey, R35, I've heard about you! You're a legend even here in Paducah. I'm a hot young stud and would love to come out and meet you. The thing is, I'm a little short on carfare, so if you could see your way clear...

I haven't been to a bar in ages but I assume (as with everywhere else) that 90% of the patrons have their noses glued to their phone.

At 43, you're safe to go to 'Precinct'. I've seen guys over 50 there and no one blinks an eye.

R30 Believe it or not, disco is back. I first heard it in Spain about 5 years ago. It has a more progressive/electronic angle now though.

"The" gay bar? I think you're too old.

I couldn't imagine anyone over 35 having any desire to go to the Stonewall in Huntington West Virginia. The person who collects the cover charge at the door is the same little snotty shit who's been there for over a decade.

I ONLY STARTED GOING LAST YEAR.

Actually, it is the gay bar that is too old! Gay bars are not necessary anymore as a place to meet others.

It's not how old you are, it's whether your pussy stinks or not.

OP, I’ve seen men as old as 80 and over at gay bars, and have since I was a young gayling 25 years ago.

Gay bars are pretty over these days, so it seems a bit out of touch to be fretting over going to one and whether you’ll “fit in.” We’re also so far past the point of stigmatizing it...are you posting from 1970?

Aren’t there gay bars just for a drink? No loud music, just like a typical bar?

28..

[quote]Aren’t there gay bars just for a drink? No loud music, just like a typical bar?

Of course. A lot of gay bars are just bars, dance clubs are becoming more rare to find, gay and straight.

Like someone said above R63, it depends on the area where you live. There is no gay bar like that where I live.

All ages go. I live in Minneapolis and it’s tons of guys in their 40’s at places like the Eagle and Saloon.

OP said he lives in LA. There are definitely tons of gay bars in LA he would feel at home at in his 40s.

Sounds like my kind of bars R67 and R68. I wish I lived in one of those areas.

There are gay bars in my city that are just bars. One does play music which could be considered, by someone, “loud music,” but it’s just a jukebox and it plays anything you want. There’s no dancefloor and no one would consider it a “club.”

There are also far more bars in my city that are just bars, but attract a noticeably gay/alternative clientele. At 50 years old and having gone to bars for almost 3 full decades, I would say the latter is the common trend these days over “exclusively” gay bars that label themselves as such. So agonizing over going to a “gay bar” in 2018 does indeed seem like a weirdly regressive throwback. It’s like a woman obsessing over her hemline or something. Weirdly old-fashioned and difficult to relate to in the present.

What city are you in, r70?

Here in Scotland there doesn't seem to be much of an issue with older gay men visiting gay bars or clubs. There is a good cross section of ages especially in Edinburgh. Their oldest gay club CC Blooms is very welcoming towards older or elder gays as well as younger gays. All ages seem to get on well and there's no hostility between the different demographics.

Come to Scotland op no matter how old you are the gay scene will welcome you!

I may be wrong...but being part of the Disco Daze crowd in the 70s (when beauty and youth were essential)...back then in SF older gay men dare not show their faces and by older I mean 40 somethings...what a disgrace...However today, I think younger Gay men are asking themselves more important questions other than youth and beauty...Again I may be wrong. I go out on occasion...but the videos are not my generation...So, gay restaurants seem more appropriate for me...But go out and enjoy...if people don't like your presence...that's their problem not yours.

I was thinking the same thing that everybody else has posted that at 43 you would be at the younger end of the spectrum for gay bars here in the UK.

A lot of them even cater towards an older crowd, slightly quieter 80's disco music or even pianists. Most of Europe seems to be heading the same way since Grindr etc. The bars will all be fucked when we over 40's (I'm nearly 50) are all dead.

Oh [R74] I really hope gay bars and clubs are not that endangered! The scenes in Glasgow and Edinburgh are heaving with plenty of young and older people a lot of the time. I think many people might want more than dating apps as they get older and the trend you 'fear 'may not come to pass?

R75 Manchester is a bit unique anyhow with having 30+ gay bars on one street. I suppose they will adapt and survive.

THE GAYS CALL THEM WRINKLE ROOMS.

I've always preferred straight bars if I was going out alone and simply wanted to relax & perhaps have a chat. Straight bars are by far friendlier. This has been especially true since my early 30s. Don't miss gay bars at all.

I don't have anything against gay bars, but when I go out for a night of drinking I usually go with group of friends. And the majority of my friends are straight. I go to a gay bar couple times a year but mostly mixed places. I don't hookup , that's probably reason number one that I don't go more often

Since I'm over 45, I guess I should probably check out some of the straight bars around here, since going to the younger crowded gay bar, Stonewall, is out of the question.

But first thing...

Gurl, people used to drop dead at the New Order in the Atl.

As an almost 50 year old in NYC/Philly, it’s not even a question- plenty of options. Though I do avoid the Brooklyn and some Hells Kitchen bars in NYC. But so many gay bars seem almost made for 40-70+ year olds - at least around happy hour which is the only time I’m really interested in going out anyway. Though I do tend to avoid later weekend nights- too crowded.

I guess it depends on the city, but I definitely prefer gay bars to straight bars. Always feel more comfortable and much more interesting crowd that I am more likely to talk with. I intentionally never drink at home - as I find going out to gay bars is good for staying socially active and connected as I get older. Eventually won’t be an option but enjoying the last glimmers of gay social life.

It's not how old you are, but how you behave once you're at the bar.

If you're dressed in A&F workout gear (or whatever other clothing you think makes you look younger) and hitting on 24-year olds, then yes, you're pest and too old.

If you're dressed well and know how to socialize (different from hitting on people), then have fun and enjoy yourself - and don't give a crap what other people think.

I wear my nicest brooch.

I really don’t think 43 is too old to go the bars. AS LONG AS, that 43-year-old recognizes that he’s 43 and maintains some kind of dignity. In other words, don’t be the sloppy old dude in the corner grabbing 23-year-old crotches without permission as they walk by you.

Don’t get sloppy. Everyone looks like a fool when they are drunk or high, but those over 25 look particularly pathetic and it looks worse the older you get.

I think 43 is too old to go to a gay bar if you're the only 43 year old there. If you have other people around your age to hang with, then it doesn't look as pathetic as a 40-something year-old trying to blend in with a 20 something year old crowd.

I agree 100%, R86. I've been that guy before, and that's one of the reasons why I quit the bar scene. I would start drinking to get rid of the shyness, but then I would get too carried away with it.