Woody Allen's Café Society reviews: Meh

[quote]Woody should have cast Jesse Eisenberg as a sniveling queen under the thumb of a domineering basketcase mother (Cate Blanchett).

I've seen seminaries with more gays than a Woody Allen movie.

That lezzie twat Kristen Stewart has the on-screen presence of a wet mop.

Miley Cyrus for the emotionally unstable sister!

So, KStew is still working that singular facial expression?

I love Jesse...he probably just about had a nervous breakdown working with Woody. Man I can not stand Stewart...don't like her at all.

Stewart seemed to get the most positive comments out of that review.

Stewart was good in Clouds of Sils Maria...but maybe her persona just worked for that movie/role. That said, I haven't really enjoyed a WA film since the 90s.

It looks pretty and the costumes and lovely.

At one point I felt like every leading man in a WA movie was just being instructed to do a WA impression. It felt bizarrely narcissistic.

He should really just quit making movies. He hasn't grown as a director at all. He also isn't attracting any new viewers by refusing to put minorities and gays in his movies.

[quote] He should really just quit making movies. He hasn't grown as a director at all. He also isn't attracting any new viewers by refusing to put minorities and gays in his movies.

MAD TV already showed what that would end up looking like:

I saw it this afternoon...SAVE YOUR MONEY. Every tired old cliche, shopworn plot lines and stock character is dusted off and slapped together. Starting with Jesse Eisenberg as the Woody stand in: the mannerisms, the same old speech patterns and "witticisms"--nobody, not even Woody, talks like this. Nebbishy hero smitten with quirky, syphlike girleen who breaks his heart but he just can't forget; the beyond stereotypical Jewish family (Jeannie Berlin is a horror!) The same old LA vs. New York schtick, the compulsory romantic kiss in Central Park against the skyline, set to "I'll Take Manhattan" and a dozen other 40s numbers; the overly cutesy/cliched 40s costuming and set decoration; and voiceovers by Woody Allen himself narrating a flashback montage or attempting to advance the plot. It was only an hour and a half, but it was torture to sit through. And I say this as someone who really liked Woody Allen in his prime. But "meh" doesn't begin to describe this drivel. Awful. Just awful. And sad.

He'll never stop making movies even if he has to cast losers like Kristen Stewart. This guy lives to work. Anything to get away from his wife for months at a time, I guess.

Jesse Eisenberg Need I say more?

I just wonder who finances these things? It did have very lush sets, locations, antique cars and costumes. I know his actors don't get paid much (not that there are many big names in this project) but I can't believe this will break even. He cranks out one of these every single year, with only an occasional good one (BLUE JASMINE being the last).

Steve Carrell did not do his career any favors in this. And Kristen Stewart is just AWFUL. You want to slap her face.

r15 That cheap JW Allen gave the costume designer, Suzy Benzinger, peanuts for a budget. Benzinger had to beg, borrow and steal for Blanchett's clothes in "Blue Jasmine." There are dozens of credits given to dozens of top designers who loaned clothes out for the film. Birkin put their foot down and he was forced to pay for the bag she carries in the film. Allen did the same thing (borrowing but never paying to rent or buy) to my friend's father on one of his films in the 1980s, but I can't discuss it because someone in the industry might pass it along.

Eisenberg is just the worst.

Thread closed.

Is Mr. Allen and his oeuvre relevant any more?

[quote]ooooooohhhhhj really TROLLLLLL she can’t act????? that’s your more biggest pain in all world see that always she is aclaimed for her role. if you can’t see that is because your a hater that way every single day in every site to stewart GROWN UP , GET A LIFE AND LET TO BE A DEMON IN BASEMENT THAT SEE ALLL KRISTEN DO ITTTTT !!!!!!!! Oh a advice take anti-acid cause every year kristen gonna be bigger and better over and over and you gonna cry in EVERYYYYYY WEB SITE over and over again, she’s good actress winner so many awards and aclaimed for critics, learn to accept your fail.

And the crazy Kristen Stewart fans embarrass themselves in the comments section, as usual.

Woody crawled up his own ass and died long ago.

Fuck this pervert and his shit films.

KS would have been better if they had put her in 30s makeup as opposed to the very natural 50s look. She appeared out of place visually. And the whole Allen Jewish context has run out of steam. The movie should have been titled: Hollywood Jews / New York Jews. I will probably go to the next WA movie as I kind of enjoy the long arc of his auteurship: The Pastiche of the Schlemiel.

I love Jesse E.

Looks like Jesse is holding together another marginal movie once again...

Thanks for the heads-up, OP. I just pre-ordered the VOD from Amazon. It won't be available for awhile. I hope it won't be too long.

r2 I actually thought that when she and Jesse met at that Mexican cantina that she was going to reveal she was a lesbian. Very strong vibe. Her acting was so cagey I thought the character was pulling a scam.

She and Jesse engaged in a good deal of "vibrating head" acting. I'm not sure what all that jiggling is supposed to represent. They were both just ...really bad. And Carell was his usual flat self when attempting to be serious.

All of the small parts were compelling, and New York looked beautiful.

I don't get why the three leads keep getting work. (Keep Carell away from dramas.) I know this thread is old, but I just want people to stop casting Jesse and Kristin. This is how important my opinion is.

It's on Amazon Prime now. It's terrible.

At least it answered the question no one was asking: What ever happened to Jeannie Berlin?

Wow -- I thought this was a new thread for a new movie. I'm not sure it even played in my town. It sounds horrible. WA movies are now set it such a hermetically sealed world, that it is frustrating and annoying to watch them. He is so out of touch with people, and it shows in his movies. People still revere him, so he will continue to make movies, but his gift left a long time ago.

I watched it last night. Holy shit - the writing was terrible! Typical Woody Allen lame New York one liners; "In Hollywood, they call a Danish a sweet roll !" Who cares? And the ending just happened. Honestly this morning I can't tell you how it ended it was that nondescript. There were kernels of a good story someplace in there but just really weak.

It looked good except for a few incongruities: hair and makeup not period, weird railings and light fixtures not in the right place.

Midnight In Paris B+, Blue Jasmine B, Vicky Cristina Barcelona unrated, as I couldn't get through it, so pointless was it. Trustafarian travelogue. Won't bother with Cafe Society.

Names still sign up for him though. His 'filmography' is prodigious. Maybe good actors still think there's a one in five chance the next one will be memorable.

They'll kiss his ass for the next one then trash the one after that.

I started watching this on a plane a couple of months ago and gave up after ten minutes.

R28, Jeannie Berlin was superb in the miniseries THE NIGHT OF with John Turturro and Riz Ahmed.

That being said, the film was probably the worst Woody Allen film of this era - it was stale and filled with truly awful cliches - and rip-offs of his much better work - the New Year's scene was a pale imitation of his glorious RADIO DAYS finale, Kristin Stewart did not bother me too much but Steve Carell and Jesse Eisenberg were awful. I hope his next film is better. I did not see his Amazon series with Joy Behar, I guess that died a quick death as well.

I thought there was a kernel of a good film in the scene with Eisenberg and the prostitute played by Anna Camp. They should have made a film about those two characters.

I gave up on watching this after giving it about 30 minutes. I think it proves that casting is everything and this cast was lacking. Irrational Man had the same problem - Joaquin Phoenix as a philosophy professor?!

Pedo Woody couldn't decide if this was a Hollywood ingenue story or a Brooklyn gang story or a Manhattan society story or a life of a movie star story or a rags to riches story or a sweet hooker story or a love triangle on and on. But of course he had a young woman being grotesquely seduced by a gross older man story because that's what he knows.

Kristen Stewart gets so much undeserved hate. I don't care what anyone says, I think she's a great actress (even the most talented actors couldn't get through the Twilight movies unscathed). Love the onscreen pairing of her and Jesse Eisenberg, whose mannerisms reminded me of a young Woody Allen from 'Manhattan'.

It's not a great film, but it's enjoyable enough despite its familiarity.