Do you think many gay male couples regret having children?

Guaranteed the OPs parents regret not spending a buck or two on a condom.

Neal Patrick Harris, aka "Daddy Dearest" owns this thread.

You can just tell that he hates those kids, and at this point, only uses them for publicity.

"Gideon, Harper... dammit!!!"

If Burtka didn't have an aching uterus, NPH would probably be going out every night.

A-listers don't adopt, OP. They're who surrogacy is for.

[quote] maybe that's just my own bias

A glimmer of self-awareness.

No, I don't think people regret not having children as often as they regret having them (even though they love their kids). If they had it to do over, I'd bet 25% of parents would not have kids.

Yes they do ! They hate the little buffers but will never admit it.

Yes OP. Straight people never regret having children. Gay people do. See, the world is that simple.

[quote]Yes they do ! They hate the little buffers but will never admit it.

Not everyone is your mom, r6.

Just from watching my gay friends with their children. You can literally watch the life bleed out of them.

I think they're more exhausted than regretful.

If they're anything like me they regret it every day.

It's the continuous gay partying that gets tiresome. As gays get older, nothing is more pathetic than watching gays desperately cling on to their youth because they have nothing else to care about.

No, gays don't regret having kids. It gets them away from having to deal with self centered gays forever

I don't think this is exclusive to gay people, OP. However, since out and coupled gay people are more likely to enjoy higher intelligence, more disposable income, and bigger cocks, they are often missing out on more than straight people.

My husband and I had three children through surrogacy (and we're hardly "A-list gays" but adoption was complicated and also surprisingly expensive.

Children are incredibly exhausting, but, obviously, life-changing and deeply rewarding. On a selfish note, I think that my heart was hardening a bit and that our children have allowed us to rediscover feelings that might otherwise have calcified.

[quote]out and coupled gay people are more likely to enjoy higher intelligence, more disposable income, and bigger cocks

This is the sort of shit that makes parenthood look like a deliverance.

I haven't seen that phenomenon as being any more prevalent between gays and straights. I know some straight couples who had kids who have regretted it and same with gay couples. I've also known plenty in both sets who adore their kids and don't regret it for a minute. It just depends on the person. I knew I never wanted kids. Whenever I'm around other people's kids, I find it draining. If I had ever had kids, I'd regret it. But I have a gay male friend who just adores his two adopted children and he's so good with them. He always wanted kids.

Most people figure out what camp they fall in. I do think that back in the day straight men were often sort of forced into having kids. It went with marriage. Certainly the fathers I was around when I grew up (1970s), including my own father, seemed less engaged with their kids than those in younger generations. My uncles who were both straight didn't get married until they were in their 40s and to women in their 50s who could no longer have kids. One of my uncles admitted to me that he never wanted kids, so he refused to get married when he was younger because that was what was expected if you did, and all the women he dated wanted kids. I think my father was the same way as his brother, but he did get married younger and my mother wanted kids.

I think you should only have children if you love being around kids, truly want them, and feel that you have the ability and unbelievable patience to raise them well. If you are unsure, feel pressured/obligated, trying to please someone, don't enjoy being around kids or just hoping to have someone to look after you when you're old, then don't have kids.

I think all parents have days when they wish they were child free.

It's easier for those with money as they can hire people to care for the kids when they want/need to go out or get away for a weekend.

My brother's kids go to camp for 7 weeks every summer. He says it's great when they are gone, like getting his life back for the summer, but by the time they come home, he's ready for them to be back and would feel awful if they were away.

The self-centered people are the ones with a NEED to reproduce. Projecting your ego into little Kayden didn't actually flip the meter from narcissist to altruist, hon.

"Sharper than a serpent's tooth"...... would never have become a cliche if it only happened once....

Its your bias...

Why wouldn't it happen to lesbian and gay parents when it happens all the time to straight parents?

No more than straight couples do.

I think it's less likely than with straight parents because half the time they conceive children without intending to, whereas gay couples have to make a conscious choice and put a lot of time and effort into having children.

Careful, r15, that's a lot of pressure to put on a kid and on the concept of parenthood. A house in Turks and Caicos would be cheaper and more effective for that sort of thing.

"I'll never have another one!"

I have always wanted a husband and children, but right now I'm only in a financial position to support myself. When that changes and I have met Mr. Right, we'll discuss the matter.

No more than straight people.

It all depends on how photogenic the children grow up to be.

That's the next taboo, hearing people say, "I love my kids, but if I could do again, I wouldn't have kids." It cannot be that the majority of people love having kids. It looks like a grind, and rewarding, but a grind. As we progress to where we don't buckle to the expectation as much, there have to be more people who decide that you can't have everything and pursuing your own fulfillment outside of being a parent is the adventure you want for yourself.

OP, apparently you are unaware of the many ways in which today's smart gay male couple can "unhave" children.

You're also a homophobic shit stirrer, you asshole.

That's one reason to date Asian men. If you have kids, you can just leave them with his parents when you go out. The grandparents are happy, you are happy, the kid is happy.

Several studies have found that childless couples are vastly more satisfied and happier with their lives. The fact is, crotchfruit are misery vacuums.

I think the majority of people regret having kids but would never ever EVER admit it anyone. Or only to a select few. Because it sounds so awful, particularly for a woman who is supposed to have that maternal desire/bond according to social pressure (which is bullshit but it is what it is).

I, personally, as a middle-aged gay man, am happier than I have ever been and do not regret for one second not having children. I am far too narcissistic and selfish to martyr my own life and happiness for the sake of a kid. If anyone's "dreams are going to come true," they are going to be mine. Why would I want to"live through my children?" What the hell is THAT? There are a lot of ways to do some good for the planet, to be kind and nice and helpful without contributing one's genetic spooge to the planet.

ALL children are horrific at times. They are brats, they need discipline, they need medical attention, they need role models, they need need need. And they are expensive. One must be willing to give up one's own life for the sake of the child(ren.) I have a friend who used to say "We had our time. It's their time now." Bull fucking shit. He and his wife are now fat hogs and the grown daughters are spoiled rotten beyond the proper words. I think "You could have been someone really interesting. But you chose to go the Stella fucking Dallas route and give it all up for your children. " All they talk about are their "girls." When I talk to someone, I don't CARE about their children (except in passing). If all someone has to talk about is their children (no matter how old they are), they are terribly uninteresting doormat people to me. I think "What about YOU? What are YOUR interests? What have YOU done with your life, other than spit out children?

I don't understand why people are so passionately upset about how people want to live their lives.

My partner and I were together 22 years when my 15 year old niece came up expecting unexpectedly and was looking for a family to raise the baby.

We talked it over and offered ourselves as parents, and it has been a joy ever since. We took the baby home from the hospital at five days old (I cried THAT day...!) and we went through a full legal adoption.

That was 12 years ago, and although there are some bumps in the road I wouldn't change a thing. I never knew I had so much love in my heart, and it continues to grow.

My partner says it was an answer to an unasked prayer, since we had never talked about kids before and had no plans or thoughts on the matter.

When the stork knocks on the door, open up!

It doesn't matter what your experience is, r36--r9, r35 and friends "think" differently, so they are correct.

Buy the kid a one-way trip back to Russia.

Abort! Abort!

[quote] If all someone has to talk about is their children (no matter how old they are), they are terribly uninteresting doormat people to me. I think "What about YOU? What are YOUR interests? What have YOU done with your life, other than spit out children?

I would say marry me, R34, but I'm already married (and a woman) with two kids of my own. I can not stand other parents (mostly moms) who have no life or interests aside from their kids. They are colossal bores-- completely oblivious to the fact that no one is interested in hearing about little Cameron's every burp and fart. Yes, give me a quick update on the kids, but don't drone on and on about piano recitals and soccer matches. Can't you see me falling asleep?. Ugh.

Of the three gay couples I know who had kids, all broke up. And secretly I would imagine most regret some of it.

A few have gone back to being "city gays." It's funny to see my friend Marcus on his knees at The Cock only to squeal:"OMG the babysitter is off at 1am!!!!" and go rushing out of the place, wiping his mouth.

My other friend is estranged from his now 19-year old son. The boy was adopted at the age of 8 and I think the damage of a shitty life up until then was already done. This kid now is very street/hip-hop-y and is grossed out that he as a "feggit for a pops."

In the first couple of years my partner and I were together, he hammered me about us having kids. I told him it wasn't happening and that we were at the fork in the road. We needed to break up if he truly wanted kids.

He stayed. And now THANKS ME for putting my foot down. We have a life full of travel, careers, activities that wouldn't be possible with kids. We will be at our local pub on a Sunday, and watching all the local kiddies running around screaming (pubs are the new playgrounds for affluent Brooklyn parents these days) and he will shake his head and mutter "we so dodged a bullet."

Kids can be wonderful. But the solipsism, self-absorption and sense of entitlement it engenders in the parents - gay and straight - is absolutely disgusting. Im so thankful I never had it in me.

You get your life back once they go away to college. I'll be quite 'busy' for four days straight.

I will say that my (straight) mother, while a capable and well-researched parent, would have had a much more satisfying life without children. She was 22 with a prestigious BA and making six figures at a demanding and satisfying job. By 29, she was not working at all and was staying home with me while managing the household.

Not only was she professionally successful before motherhood, she remained a size zero throughout the whole ordeal, which must have been an awful reminder of the glamorous life she forewent. Thanks to her sophistication and sensibilities, she was a wonderful mother to a gay child. However in many ways I was a vicarious stand-in. I know that she resents the freedom her younger European friends found as mothers who outsource parenting while maintaining a professional and social identity. In our society and during my childhood, it just wasn't done that way.

It's such a recent development for women to opt out of parenting and pursue other interests. I wish my mother had enjoyed more independence. She didn't want so many kids. She was a great mother but she did nothing for herself. I'm dumbfounded that so many young women are still interested in what looks like a crushing abnegation of freedom to have a child.

lol r2, I thought of NPH and Burtka immediately.

I would. But I would never, ever have had any.

Anyone remember the names of the guys In Bergen County, New Jersey (Fair Lawn?) who were among the first to push for gay marriage.? They had two sons.

Doubtful. I have a friend who has two sons he adopted with his now ex husband and they both love them and do not regret it at all, even though they are divorced since my friend's ex cheated on him.

Kids are definitely lots of work-- they will take over your lives...

On the other hand what were you going to do that would be so exciting otherwise?

Excited to go to yet another gay bar or Circuit Party? Excited to troll on Grindr hoping you can fool a twink into liking you? Another night out talking to your friends about how you are better than everyone else? Another Bway show? Another movie?

Then you wake up at 50 realizing the gay world doesn't even want you in it. You die bitter and alone.

You should have had kids.

r13 I didnt know out gay men were more likely to have higher intelligence and higher disposal income?

You die bitter and alone.

Wow I can here the guilt oozing already, how narcissistic to think children are for your fulfillment in old age. Who says they want to be around you anyway.

"Kids! They keep ya hoppin'!"

Lok r52 ! Maybe!😁

There is more than 2 million people, in American prisons right now, it's not a stretch to imagine their parents regret having them. BREEDERS DID THIS. All the criminals in jail are their from their own bad parenting and poor quality crotchfruit.

I think a lot of people in general that become parents, should not be parents - regardless of sexuality.

I think it's probably MORE likely that gay parents are less likely to have regrets and be bad parents than straight couples, simply because they have had extra hurdles to overcome and likely want it more than a straight couple who fertility issues aside just have to fuck bareback a few times and boom they are parents.

I wish more gay couples would adopt children though than go for surrogacy. There are already so many unwanted and unloved children in the world that need homes and loving families, that bringing new kids into the world through artificial means just seems immoral to me, I just can't wrap my head around justifying it. I can't help think it's just about ego and vanity (wanting a genetic 'mini-me').

My partner keeps dropping hints about wanting to have kids and I keep telling him absolutely not. I'd be the one who'd have to take care of them 24/7. He works constantly and would hardly ever see them if we did have them. We have a wonderful dog and that's more than enough for me.

I'm wondering if this a sign that I need to book it out of there ASAP. I love him, but I love my freedom more and I refuse to have my life fucked up for some kid who could grow up to resent me anyway.

I’m a step parent. Kids are a pain in the ass, but I honestly love them. Changes your life a lot, but you adjust.

[quote] No, gays don't regret having kids. It gets them away from having to deal with self centered gays forever

Only to have to deal with self-centered children, which is what kids naturally are till they learn to be otherwise after years and years of dedicated parenting.

Sell 'em on. Mark'em up, sell'em on.

I knew one guy in LA who never should have been a father. Total meth head who managed to get away with it because of a cushy studio marketing job. His poor kids.

r60 Via surrogacy?