What's the worst sexual experience you've ever had?

I was 11 and at Burt Lancaster's house.

Well, it was the best and the worst. This buddy seduced me, like he got me to really, really relax -- and I find that hard to do.

He fucked me, so fucking (no pun intended) gently and yet passionately. I was in another world.

Years later, he said something that made me realize he'd forgotten about the encounter totally.

I was, and remain, devastated.

First and only time I had anal sex, and yes, I was raped.

I had a guy I met online when I was in my 20's and much heavier than I am now pretty much tell me after we hooked up that he pretty much did it because he felt sorry for me...not gonna lie that stung a bit.

I met a guy online and went to his place. It was a pigsty. I suspected he was on meth. He kept demanding I suck him as he watched straight porn. I got out fast.

I was very young and an older man tried to beat me up in a hotel room...almost didn't make it out !

I had another guy get irritated at me because I wouldn't follow his ever command so he started making comments about my weight and appearance and He was a gross old troll covered with moles who decided to start our first meeting off by taking a huge stinky dump in the motel bathroom.

I was chopped to bits by my tricks.

When I was a child living with my family in a foreign country, one of our servants was always touching me up and trying to get me alone so he could expose himself to me. He had a fake, creepy smile smile and I still recall his disagreeable smell. Did not turn him in because I did not want the heavy drama that would ensue, but looking back it would have been the right thing to do.

[quote]I had another guy get irritated at me because I wouldn't follow his ever command so he started making comments about my weight and appearance and He was a gross old troll covered with moles who decided to start our first meeting off by taking a huge stinky dump in the motel bathroom.

Oh, Gwynnie, stop crying. He gave you "Shakespeare in Love," didn't he?

I don't really think of it as a sexual experience, but perhaps others would.

You don't even want to know.

An older man asked me to fart in a balloon for $20.

Super hot guy I met at the gym. Went home to his place. I was so horny I dropped to my knees as we walked into his apartment. I went crazy sucking the bulge in his briefs but as I took them down, I discovered he was uncut.

That turned me 100% off in a split second and I had to make totally stupid, unbelievable excuses as I was running out of his place. (He had no accent so I figured he had to be American and cut. Ugh!)

A married man who kept the room dark enough to obscure the fact that he was older than his very small profile picture made him look. I walked out then and there.

I was in my teens and was invited to a party by this older guy in his 40s. There were about half a dozen guys with him there and they have been drinking hard and smoking pot and meth. Needless to say I got pretty drugged out and intoxicated after awhile. At first they asked me to give them blow jobs. They were quite big tough guys all much older than me. I didn't want to but after a lot of persuading I gave in to their request. They got pretty randy and stripped me down before one guy held my face down. I was anally raped. I never told anybody about it.

He blurted out, just as I was starting to feel fuzzy and warm down there, "Your pussy stinks!"

As if I didn't know.

What happened to my reply ?

I was a complete naif and unprepared for the experience when introduced to sex by a manipulative, serial abuser when I was 15. It continued for several years as I got wrapped into the ongoing seduction and psychological games - which included directing me away from normal sexual experience with people my own age and learning how to be in relationships more appropriate for me. So I'd have to say pretty much all of my sexual experiences until I was of legal age comprised the worst. The man was someone involved at my (Catholic) school, a local celebrity and a friend of our family who was very much supported and respected.

That he also was a raging alcoholic in serious decline who would beg me to kill him because he lacked the courage, putting my hands on his thrown and screaming for me to strangle him to death, also colored my adolescent understanding of gay life and human relationships.

Pardon the tangent. But it took me a long time to realize and admit just how bad the sex and everything else was.

I was raped in my teens by a group of much older men, my reply R16 did not show up

Pussy willow!

Anyone have any impotence issues? Nothing like really wanting somebody and then not being able to act on it...while they stare at you

My worst?

I should've killed myself when he put it in me. After the first time, before we were married, Ralph promised never again. He promised, and I believed him. But sin never dies. Sin never dies. At first, it was all right. We lived sinlessly. We slept in the same bed, but we never did it. And then, that night, I saw him looking down at me that way. We got down on our knees to pray for strength. I smelled the whiskey on his breath. Then he took me. He took me, with the stink of filthy roadhouse whiskey on his breath, and I liked it. I liked it! With all that dirty touching of his hands all over me. I should've given you to God when you were born, but I was weak and backsliding, and now the Devil has come home.

I awoke to the sound of a chair turning over. I jumped up, and in the dark, I could see a the outline of a man, nude, rushing towards me. Still tipsy, my reactions were slow and before I knew what happened, he...he was on top of me, his hard, lean body pressed against mine as he tore away my sheets and pinned my arms back...I work out and am in good shape, but he was brutally strong, and I was helpless as he forced his tongue into my mouth.

He...he...k-k-kept telling me how pretty I was and how I couldn't deny him since he was a guest. I managed to wrest one of my arms free from his iron grasp, but soon felt the cold steel of a knife against my throat.

"Do you want to live, PUNK?"

"Y-y-yes, please d-d-don't k-k-kill me!"

"That's 'please don't kill me' - SIR", he growled, pressing the knife against my cheek. Wanting to live to see the next day, I closed my eyes...and the unthinkable became real.

He...he...r-r-RAPED me!

R23 is so Mary she had a nervous breakdown over some waxy yellow buildup.

[quote]I was a complete naif and unprepared for the experience when introduced to sex by a manipulative, serial abuser when I was 15. It continued for several years as I got wrapped into the ongoing seduction and psychological games - which included directing me away from normal sexual experience with people my own age and learning how to be in relationships more appropriate for me. So I'd have to say pretty much all of my sexual experiences until I was of legal age comprised the worst. The man was someone involved at my (Catholic) school, a local celebrity and a friend of our family who was very much supported and respected.

r19, I'm sorry that happened to you, and I hope you've recovered as much as possible.

But I have to ask: Was it Scott Rogers?

R16, be well, I'm terribly sorry you went through that.

Really sorry for all revealing they were raped and manipulated in their youth . I wonder how many others reading have experienced the same.

Was sucking off a dude, he asked me to finger him. Then got on all fours to be fucked. He had a nasty case of back acne. Such a dick wilter.

A guy I picked up at a bar in Boston was eating my hole like a champ under a bush in th Public Garden about 2:30 in the morning. It was all good until I noticed a homeless guy watching us and jerking off.

[quote][R23] is so Mary she had a nervous breakdown over some waxy yellow buildup.

R25 is a fucking moron.

[quote]It was all good until I noticed a homeless guy watching us and jerking off.

And this is why I love Datalounge.

r8 If you mean chopped to death with their choppers, then you are correct. They, in fact, ATE him.

When I was 17 I attended a cast party thrown by our 40ish gay director and his goofy lover. Of course we all drank ourselves into a stupor and I had no ride home. I stayed and they pulled me into bed with them, I was sort of grossed out by them physically, they seemed much older, and I gave no hint I wanted anything like this to happen. I was very uncomfortable, but sort of let them blow and paw at me until they stopped. Nobody came.

I really never thought about it, I guess I felt responsible partly. A few years later the director got me alone in his hotel room here in NYC, we had gone to a play earlier. The second the door closed he professed his undying love and infatuation with me in the most desperate way, took his pants off and started jerking his nasty dick while yelling that he loved only me! I fled. Obviously I told no one of this story either and we never spoke again.

I just noticed he is in his 70s and directing big community theater in central Florida. Yuck. I mean, I wasn't exactly raped, but I would never take advantage of a teenager who got drunk. Never.

Trick fell asleep (well, passed out drunk) while I was blowing him. Doesn't compare with these stories, but it was a bit of a sting to the old self-esteem.

About half of these responses sound like they happened at a Bryan Singer party.

I've never told anyone this but back in 1993 a friend came over for dinner which I made and after a while we were on the sofa making out and he threw up all over me. I always hoped it was the food but suspected he was grossed out by me.

I met a hot guy in a bar late at night and we began to kiss... short story short... he had been in McDonald's had I tasted mayonnaise in his tongue. Disgusting. This was years ago, I only it at McD twice a year, but for some time after this short kiss I couldn't even think going there.

I was starting to get into it with an older guy I'd met at a bar, when he reached down and removed his prosthetic leg. I was horrified. I have no problem with amputees, but for fuck's sake, TELL me about it first! It was like out of a horror movie.

[quote]I was starting to get into it with an older guy I'd met at a bar, when he reached down and removed his prosthetic leg. I was horrified. I have no problem with amputees, but for fuck's sake, TELL me about it first! It was like out of a horror movie.

What an ampu-TEASE!

[quote]Anyone have any impotence issues? Nothing like really wanting somebody and then not being able to act on it...while they stare at you

Oh yeah, definitely been there several times. It is always embarassing.

Went to meet a guy found on line. He had a very clean spartan small apartment in an industrial area of town. It looked straight out of the 60s despite things being new. He had a huge dick. Then he started to choke me. I said I didn't like it. He stopped. We continued. Then he really tried to choke me and i struggled to break away and screamed at him to cut the shit. He backed down and I took the chance to gather my clothes before running out the door. I got dressed downstairs in the lobby.

I don't know if he would have strangled me to death, or if he was a major creepy fetishist.

I'm hard pressed to choose just one...

Guy i picked up in a bar in college. Pretty hot all that come back to my dorm ( i had a private room) going at it everything fine. UNTIL he wanted to fuck me and I just wasn't into that. Dude completely snapped. Got almost violent had to kick his ass out and involve the campus police since he kept bangin on my door. I didn't hook up again for at least 6 months after that nut job. Was also just kind of embarrassing afterwards since half the dorm knew since the guy made such a scene.

The chef who came to my place after he got off work - I didn't know he was working as we met online. He reeked of fried food. I told him to take a shower and when he dropped his briefs - the biggest skid marks I have ever seen! Total boner killer. He got sent home shortly after. The masculine guy who wanted me to obey all orders - including stripping naked out side his house- I got out of there. The Normal Bates guy - strange/ maybe a semi trans ( he had painted nails) and about 15 years old than he said. I said "I forgot my phone in the car, be right back" and got the hell out of there. It just didn't feel right. God I was a whore. God AOL was fun back in the day!!

I will also say that my encounters with 2 guys with genuine micro-penises were very unpleasant.

I was a hot 18 year old blond pizza boy, and went to this one house and this muscular Black guy answered the door. Long story short, lost my virginity to about 15 hung Black guys, and lost my first job simultaneously. Ass hurt for two weeks.

I met a nice guy at the gym a Clark Kent type who anyone would like. He told me he bought a new condo and asked me over. So I get to his place which was nice, clean and neat but it was decorated like an old ladies place, like grandma's. I remember lots of layered doilies and chotchkes in a mirrored curio cabinet. I expected to see knitting needles and yarn in a basket next to the couch. But who cares, it's just a trick. So we start making out and he turns out to be a talker, which is okay for a minute but quickly gets tedious for me. It turns out his fetish was incest/mommy stuff and I was like NOOOOOOOOO!. I just wanted it to end and he was a nice guy so I said "We have to be quiet or mom will tell on us" and he shut up long enough for me to finish. I forgot about it for ages until the Seinfeld "The panties your mother laid out for you" episode.

I've had one of those r46. I'm not even a size queen but it just killed the whole thing that he literally couldn't have been more that 2.5 3 inches and pencil. Rather than being still turned on i just felt sorry for the guy and found some way to end it as diplomatically about it so i wasn't an asshole.

It involved bottoming and lots of shit.

I want the long story r47!

R47's story only happens in a gay porn movies. Not that I wouldn't want to watch that movie, but c'mon people.

[quote]It turns out his fetish was incest/mommy stuff and I was like NOOOOOOOOO!. I just wanted it to end and he was a nice guy so I said "We have to be quiet or mom will tell on us" and he shut up long enough for me to finish.

I love you, r48. Funniest thing I've read in a long time.

I don't know if it is considered a sexual experience but I was raped.

I have remained an exclusive bottom only for Black guys ever since.

r48, Thnx. Your story made my night. Hilarious. r47's tale is too short to be considered an EST, but yeah it never happened.

My first time (if you could call it sex) was a sadistic sexual assault by a female professor in her office. This was back in the late 70s when I was first coming to terms with being gay. She is the only person I've ever met who I truly believe to be a psychopath.

I really regret not filing charges against her for some of the other things she did.

I should have mentioned that I am lesbian.

we assumed as much r58 but thanks for the classification.

Met a really hot guy in a bar, blonde and ripped and tall construction worker. Got back to his place and we're making out on the couch and I hear a shuffling noise at the living room door. His three year old son has got out of bed to see what's going on and his twelve year old son comes to get him back to bed. I don't know if I was more turned off by the solemn faced little kid watching or the fact he had his kids for the weekend and left a twelve year old in charge to go out to a bar and find a fuck. Absolute dick wilter.

Met a tall, handsome, hairy chested guy in bar. When to his place. The only part of his penis that showed was the head, it stuck out from his body, there was no shaft. I'm sure there's a medical term for this problem.

I hooked up once with a guy at a bathhouse many years ago. While we were fucking like monkeys,in a semi-private area, his knee suddenly dislocated (I think) from his leg. It looked horrible. He screamed in pain like he was being killed. The bathhouse attendant called the paramedics for help while all the other guys fled into the shadows in horror. The guy I was tricking with screamed and begged for me to go to his locker and retrieve his clothes so he wouldn't be carried away naked when the paramedics showed up. I never met this guy before and I just wanted to slink away. I did go retrieve his clothes and helped him dress. He screamed in pain the whole time they escorted him away. that was definitely a boner killer.

Dear Lord in heaven!

Trick had wind when I was rimming him. Instant dick wilter.

I was 11 when I started being the pass-around for the older boys. It went on for three years.

A guy passed out and pissed in my bed. There are others but I am getting depressed thinking about them.

I dated a guy with what I suspected to be untreated high blood pressure who couldn't get a boner. After two times trying I gave up. I tried every little technique I knew and some I didn't. I really thought it was me.

A week later I hooked up with a co-worker. That was amazing. I felt so much better afterward.

Don't know if this is worst, but definitely weirdest.

Good looking very built trick I met off Grindr. Masculine guido type.

Would not shut up. Just kept talking the whole time but he had a big dick and a hot body and he gave great head.

We hooked up on a semi-regular basis and I began to notice that his stories did not match up from time to time-- one day he had three sisters, another day it was two. One day he was a linebacker in high school, another time a quarterback. But the thing was the stories were fairly elaborate and he'd name the sister, describe her in extreme detail, where she lives, what her kids were like, etc.

One day I did a reverse Google on his phone number and got his real name (which was not the name he'd been using for the last five months.) None of what he'd told me lined up-- job, parents, siblings, where he went to college (amazing how quickly you can learn about someone with just their name)

I was really glad we'd only blown each other as I would have been worried that his condoms had holes in them. What's stranger is that he was an alright guy and I would've been fine with him if he'd told the truth.

Met a guy on A4A. We talked a while. He was looking strictly for oral. I asked him if he liked to get rimmed and that seemed to get him very excited. He said he was going to hop in the shower and then come over. He was quite good looking when he showed up, actually much more handsome than his pic. (There's a first.) When the moment came, I peeled his briefs down and...oh Lord. He not only wasn't clean, his ass crack and his underwear was covered in shit. Not skidmarks (not that that would have been okay), but a thick layer of wet shit. To his credit, I didn't have to ask him to leave. He slunk out immediately.

I think some who are inexperienced with rimming leap to the assumption that scat is part of the lure

r69, I think I would have puked if I'd seen that. WTF is wrong with people?

I had a microdick encounter once. I've seen some small dicks, but this one was like nothing I'd ever seen before. We met online, then met in person at a bar for a couple beers. The guy was very cute, built and had a nice round ass. We went back to my place, and started going at it on the sofa. I pulled his pants down, and he had the smallest dick I'd ever seen in my life. It was fully hard, but it could only have been about 3". I tried not to let my disappointment show on my face (it was difficult, I was more in stunned disbelief than anything). I blew him, he came fast, and I sent him on his way. If it hadn't been for his microdick, I would've been thinking about dating this guy.

What do you think the deal was R69? Did he think you were into scat? Or did he have an accident on the way over?

Fondled , masturbated on,at family functions by a mentally retarded guest starting at the age of six , I told my mother finally that I was upset about this person, was told to keep it to myself and just keep away from him. I was 8 and constantly had to duck and dodge this person right under my families nose. I have told maybe 2 people about this. 40 years later and it still upsets me.

Put finger in coworker's ass and it came out white. Still don't know what it was.

I just remembered another one. I had a guy who used to come over sometimes - strictly FB relationship. One night he wanted to come over. Sure, why not? He arrived stinking drunk, and immediately asked to use the bathroom. I assumed he had to pee. Nope! He proceeded to sit on the toilet (with the bathroom door open) and let out a giant runny shit. Then he FELL OFF the toilet because he was so wasted. He got back up, finished shitting, then ran out the door. I never heard from him again. I spent the next hour cleaning up this guy's shit (it was all over the toilet and the floor) and bleaching/sterilizing my bathroom in a frenzy that would've made Joan Crawford proud. I've never told this story to any of my friends.

This is a great thread! Let's keep these classy and romantic stories coming.

I let myself get picked up once by a guy who was absolutely beautiful....tall, built, very masculine....I thought he was going to fuck my brains out and I was all for it. He excused himself to use the bathroom....when he returned he was wearing pantyhose and lipstick and wanted to get fucked. i honestly didnt know what to do. Talk about having a fantasy ruined.

Some of these stories are why I self loathed from some time. I'm a romantic gay; I like men much more than gay sex. I still enjoy the occasional pussy. I wish men had pussies(j/k). Great reads.

Hooked up with a dude on A4A. I had only ever been attracted to white dudes but something about this middle eastern dude turned me on and figured what the hell! We met up at his place and immediately went to work. He was unusually sweaty and just kept pulling me closer to him in a hug-like manner which was super weird to me but I went with it. We were almost fully clothed and standing and suddenly he starts to hump my stomach, grabbing me tight across my upper back. He totally cums. Like, full tilt orgasm with the man yell and all. He pulls away, walks back into his living room and starts watching some random on TV. I stood there for a good minute in total misbelief. All I could do was just walk out and leave, so I did. The next day he messaged me asking if I would come over again. I never replied back.

[quote]Met a tall, handsome, hairy chested guy in bar. When to his place. The only part of his penis that showed was the head, it stuck out from his body, there was no shaft. I'm sure there's a medical term for this problem.

Bottom.

FYI Have no idea why I even mentioned race but it is what it is. I've "dated" middle eastern dudes after this fact and normally they can lay mad pipe.

God I feel lucky but then I was never into instantaneous hookups for sex. Some of this stuff is really disturbing.

That being said when I was very young I met a guy in a theater and started making out with him in the balcony.

As I reached behind him under his shirt I found a very hairy back.

Totally killed it for me then and there and I wanted no more surprises.

I need to see the goods first in neutral territory.

And if Rod Taylor were to come back from the dead at the age of 30 and offered himself to me if I found out he was uncut I would immediately tell him to go back to where he came from.

One of the biggest dick wilters ever.

Skin tags I'm sorry are not sexy.

I shitted on the bed when he pulled put

Uncut haters be hating right now. Damn.

Another one: Talked to this guy for awhile. He seemed pretty cool though a little bit of a cowboy type. He came over to my place and we chat and played some YouTube "show and tell" etc. I cooked for him and we truly just enjoyed each other's company. The whole time he is rubbing my back, kissing my neck, the whole nine. We get into it like its our jobs! He starts in saying he's going to knock it out the box, he's going to fuck me sideways, he's "all top"...all that business. I'm rubbing him down truly trying to identify the tool that's going to do all this. Almost micro! He pulls his underwear down and indeed...micro. So disappointing. In the end, he had to thumb and pointer finger himself off while I chimed excitement. Later discovered he was married with wife and child. I was forced into whore retirement at that point.

OMG Becky!

I waited until very late in life to have sex. I basically wanted to get it over with. Alas, I was't straight. I wasn't even bi. The sex sucked because I was basically thinking about what I had to do the next day. Cleaning out the closet, so to speak, was at the top of the list.

This thread is fascinating!

Not sex exactly, but wanted to report the smallest penis I've ever seen. At least, I think it was a penis. I was a home health nurse, and was sent to the home of a man who was being cared for by his wife. I was told he needed a catheter. When I got there, he was waffling about wanting it. He'd had them before, but his wife, who kept interrupting him constantly, and really wouldn't let him say much of anything, kept saying other nurses had had a lot of trouble inserting them. When I finally saw what he had, I could understand why. All I saw where his penis ought to be was what appeared to be a dimple, a tiny slit. Apparently, that 's all there was, no shaft, no head, nothing else visible, on the flat expanse of his lower abdomen. Didn't even see a scrotum. Upon handling it with my (very gloved) hands, I realized there was a slight shaft underneath, though very narrow. I had great trepidation about inserting a catheter. The wife was adamant about the specific size needed. (Catheters come in sizes related to diameter.) I had one the right size, but, just when I was about to go ahead and insert it, the man refused again, and I was informed I could leave.

A lot of home health patients are like that: all kinds of complaints, until you actually get there. Then they change their minds, and send you away. Then, the next day, they're making the same complaints again. On and on.

As I said above, not exactly a sexual act, but, in my experience, the smallest, most challenging cock I've ever seen. (I can only wonder what kind of sex, if any, those two ever had. He was overweight and kind of bulbous, but then so was she, but neither overly so. The mind reels.)

Omg, r88, that's creepy.

I went on one date with a micropenis. He kept saying I was too good-looking all night and then I realized why. Gave him a mercy bj and never spoke to him again.

He also wanted me to stick objects in his ass and step on him while wearing boots (before the bj). I did it for the story/experience, but I felt like a health care worker. It wasn't sexy.

Yes, online hook-up, no the profile wasn't kinky. I considered what I did volunteer charity work. Why didn't he warn me?

Several occasions with guys who weren't clean "down there." Both front and back. SO gross. I will never, ever understand why people who know that they're going to have sex a short time later don't shower first.

[quote]Some of these stories are why I self loathed from some time. I'm a romantic gay; I like men much more than gay sex. I still enjoy the occasional pussy. I wish men had pussies(j/k). Great reads.

While I enjoy intercourse I find I am much more turned on by romance/intimacy/body contact/kissing - so r77 had me excited there for a minute, but the talk about wanting pussy was a total dick wilter. r77, maybe try your luck with a ftm trans?

r74 DESITIN®

As I read each new story I remember another one of my own. I now have to admit that I was a slut and I had a lot of bad sex.

Twice I've met up with guys I met off Grindr with the specific intention of me fucking them.

Only no one had told them about douching. It wasn't just a little accident. It was a whole Hershey Highway.

They were mortified/surprised when I pulled out, flung the condom on the floor, washed my dick off, got dressed and left.

This is reason #57 why I will not have sex with strangers without a condom on, ever.

R94 It can still happen after douching especially if the top is big.

R18 R20, I can see r16. If you can't, you may have put yourself on ignore.

R94 And so rude to fling dirty condoms on the floor.

R97 I thought the same thing but then after the "Hershey Highway" comment, felt that the condom fling may have been warranted.

I hear you R95, but (a) I am not that big and (b) the logs were at the gate, if you get my drift. Like two strokes and you could feel it and damn, the smell was just deadly.

And fuck that R97, if they're offering up a shit-filled ass then I'm not daintily disposing the shit-covered condom.

One was my first sexual experience. I was 19 (1996) and met this guy, who was about 26, at a bar. We went to his apartment and everthing seemed ok, until he penetrate. He was not careful, it hurted a lot. It was horrible. I asked to stop and he did. Today he is a creepy creature (I saw his instagram) and I understand, the darkness was always in him. The other was a bisexual mature man, very rustic, with a very primitive structure. We me at a bar, I was 24 by the time, and we headed to motel. Everthing went wrong, zero chemistry and he insisted on fucking me (although I was very promiscuous, only 5 guys penetrated me, 2 of them boyfriends) while I didn't want. He was too primitive and his language was very binary. It was very embarrassing to see myself in such situation but I assume my responsability.

r100 you should have known from the start it was not going to go well since you went to a "motel".

R39s story reminded me of a similar thread from years ago. Some of the responses still make me laugh. A guy met for a hookup in a car. When he got in the guy had "withered legs". This person, like R39, felt the real issue was the lack of honesty beforehand. Another car story involved being asked to wear women's high heeled shoes during the encounter (both were male btw). This guy's biggest issue wasn't the kink factor it was that the shoes in question were "used".

I hooked up with a guy in a bookstore theater very late one night, and we were the only two in there. It was very dark, and he stripped naked and came towards me. I thought he was cute from what I could see in the darkness with a great body. We started to have sex, but when the light from the theater screen hit his face, I could see he was severely scarred from acne. I felt sorry for him, but I got dressed and left in a hurry.

[quote]What do you think the deal was [R69]? Did he think you were into scat? Or did he have an accident on the way over?

We discussed the necessity of taking a shower first, so I'd rule out the former. I think he had an accident as he was coming over: a fart that was something more than a fart. I just don't know how you walk around like that and don't know. And like I said, he was fairly mortified.

R14 so you hate uncut AND you're a racist?

What a catch you are

Sex with Gore Vidal. Said he was a top, but God, what a bossy bottom!

thats what freaks me out the most ; I would want to have a colonic first, just to be completely sure

He pulled out.

I was at the Eagle in SF in full leather (cap, harness, jacket, pants, boots). After some hard cruising, hunky/hairy guy invites me home to his place. Shortly after I get there, he unbuttons/unzips me and starts deep throating me. Vigorously and loud. I then was fucking his face hard.

What I did not know is that he had a lot of sushi earlier in the evening. Within 2 minutes he gagged and spewed half-chewed sushi and rice on the inside of my leather pants.

Needless to say, that ended the fun. Fortunately he let me shower, and I tried to wipe up vomit from the inside of my pants before taking a taxi back to my hotel.

Full leather and vomit...hard to say which is more embarrassing.

there should be mandatory fasting and colonic irrigation prior to all anal encounters

Thank you all for reminding me why I never do anal anymore.

It just isn't worth the trouble, the pain, the smell, or the mess.

Guy who literally started pissing when i was fucking him, He apparently forgot to empty his bladder before hooking up. Ass was great and clean but that whole pissing thing just totally killed it so i quickly got dressed and left. Last drunk guy i ever hooked up with.

Picked up a guy off Grindr who was going to give me some car head. I was psyched because he was really cute.

Though his profile said "Latino" it turned out he was Indian. Which was fine, only he stunk to high heaven of body odor and Indian cooking spices.

He was in the car for about two or three minutes top before I kicked him out, but it still took leaving the windows open for three days and a bottle and a half of Febreeze to get the smell out.

R74

You were at work. White out?

[quote]I went on one date with a micropenis. He kept saying I was too good-looking all night and then I realized why. Gave him a mercy bj and never spoke to him again.

Did you think of it as a "fun size"?

WTF R114. Bigot much?

r112 I've rarely had a problem with messy anal, and I've fucked lots of guys over the years.

Seriously r117! r114 should have enjoyed the wonderful, rich aroma of body odor and curry for days and days while being grateful for experiencing such wonderful cultural diversity! That same stench coming off of a white person would be so unpleasant, but coming off of a person of color it's a rich, intoxicating aroma, reminiscent of sunshine and palm trees. The fact that r114 couldn't appreciate such a smell and immediately had to Febreeze his entire fucking car shows what a racist he is.

I was pricked by the thorn of a Rose. Amber Rose and her gold digger..

I should've killed myself when he put it in me. After the first time, before we were married, he promised never again. He promised, and I believed him. But sin never dies. Sin never dies. At first, it was all right. We lived sinlessly. We slept in the same bed, but we never did it. And then, that night, I saw him looking down at me that way. We got down on our knees to pray for strength. I smelled the whiskey on his breath. Then he took me. He took me, with the stink of filthy roadhouse whiskey on his breath, and I liked it. I liked it! With all that dirty touching of his hands all over me. I should've given you to God when you were born, but I was weak and backsliding, and now the Devil has come home. We'll pray.

At least R121 is being original...

Reading about the Kanye West assplay scandal.

r122 you know what that famous monologue is from, right?

R124:

Of course I do, hence the sarcasm

French guy I was fucking in 1998 wanted to know one night if his father and brother could join in. I left a fucking wake running across the Channel.

R102 didn't the withered legs guy also have enormous shoes he wanted the trick to wear?

73 That is horrible , I was almost molested by the same type at the same age, please move on it does scar you , but move on ...I have .

Finally sleeping with the hottest , conquest from your local gay bar , ( Early 20's) and him being a total dud, just layback do me idiot, what a waste of 3 months of longing and flirting for nothing!

Let me do the worst and the best, true stories. 1. The worst, left a night club with a guy, was driving down the street in his car, looked at him and decided it was not a good idea, and to stop and let me out, he would not and refused, as he accelerated in all Charlie's Angel's and Angie Dickenson style I opened the door and leaped out , rolling on the ground thankfully not hurt! 2. Slept with a groom on his wedding night, don't ask , true story. (Best!)

I thought I was being cute and would often flirt with the door guy at the club. I wasn't totally into him but at the time I seriously thought flirting with the door guy was proxy but, whatever! End of the evening I wasn't sloppy but clearly intoxicated and I got it in my head, door guy and I are going to bang! Cut to me in door guys studio apartment with his ferrets running around, it smells like mildew and ass, and he had consciously decided to decorate with swords and Renaissance faire posters. I'm in it to win it, for whatever reason, and we are getting into oral at this point. Very nicely sized so I'm thinking I could deal with the ferret/sword madness except when I go down on him...mildew, ass and ferret madness. I mean, this wasn't normal man smell, this was like...I can't even describe. In my intoxicated state I just blurt out that he stinks and gathered my stuff and bounced out. It was like he hadn't washed himself, EVER! To make it worse, I had to see him every time I went to that club and he would always smirk.

I used to take my motorcycle into a shop for repair. The owner/mechanic started flirting with me, and horny, I went for it. We met at his shop in the morning before he opened and I'd eat his ass out and fuck him. He mentioned he was divorced and horny, although most women wouldn't be able to abuse his ass the way I did.

One morning as we were getting started I heard a noise in the back of his shop. I mentioned it but he assured me he checked the locks before I arrived and nobody was in the shop. I had his ass across my face and him lifted him up and pinned against the wall, then I heard a woman scream behind us, "Oh my god, Lee, what are you doing?!" I dropped Lee, who was yelling "Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck!"

I realized immediately it had to be his girlfriend or wife, and I was concerned we'd be dead and on the 11:00 news. But she quickly left. Lee then explained that it was his wife. They'd been separated for 3 years but the divorce was contested and still in progress. He then explained to me that his life was probably over, and asked me not to come back to his shop. About 2 months later he closed the garage.

R116, fun size would have been okay...this was more like a piece of trident gum, I almost chewed it.

These are great. More stories, please.

I'll preface this by saying I'm trash. There, saved you having to reply. Anyhoo....

My freshman year in college, I stumbled upon a cruisey men's room at the local white trash mall. I was in there once and got cruised at the sinks by a guy my age who was kind of cute. We started talking and he told me he lived nearby. We went to this crappy white trade townhouse apartment complex. I followed him in and we went up to his room, leaving the door open. (I'll spare you a description of his room.) Anyway, we start having sex, and it's pretty good. I'm laying on my back and he climbs on top of me and sits on my dick. Nice. That's when I hear the door downstairs open and close. He says it's nothing and keeps going. All of a sudden I see someone MUCH OLDER walk by the open door and peer in on this guy taking my dick up his ass and doing things one would hesitate to ask of Thai hooker. And then I heard his voice: "Goddamnit, I told you I didn't want you doing that queer shit in my house!"

"Is that your dad?" I whispered.

"Yeah," the guy says, obviously close to cumming. "Keep going! Keep going!"

Needless to say, I pulled out, got dressed (without so much as taking the condom off) and got the fuck out of there, before white trash dad could get to the shotgun I'm just betting he had.

College; I was subletting a spare apartment for the summer. The bedroom had only a bed, a dresser and a cold linoleum floor.

Hooked up with a big dumb blond at a bar. We drank a pitcher of beer, then back to my place. We make out, he gets sleepy. I ask if I can keep sucking his still erect big cock, he says yes before nodding off. I'm fapping away, sucking his dick and I think he's cumming, so I gulp it down, but it doesn't stop.

I release his cock from my mouth and a three-foot-high geyser of piss shoots out of his cock. I aimed it away from the bed. The loud splashes land on the floor, but the stream of piss is unrelenting. So I clamped my mouth on his cock and gulped it down until it stops.

Then I went to the bathroom and got a towel, mopped it all up, dropped that in the tub, showered, then returned to him. He wasn't as hard, but I sucked it some more until I came.

He slept on the wet bed. I slept on the sofa in the living room.

When he woke up, he apologized for wetting the bed. We then had more sex in the shower.

I actually later enjoyed piss play, just not at the time.

Of all the idiotic ESTs I've read on this board, I've never been insulted by one until r136. That's 40 Year Old Virgin Bags of Sand implausible.

Happy to insult a snide cunt of a nobody. It happened.

Don't care what you think, Mary, since ALL your sexual experiences are the worst, for others.

When Julia Child raped me with her turkey baster. My butt was filled with giblets.

I think I was part of someone else's worst experience.

I met a guy in Chelsea bar (Manhattan). He was visiting from Chicago and had never been to NYC before. We both got pretty drunk and I invited him over for the night.

I lived way uptown so we took the subway. We both fell asleep on the train. I woke up and, as I was sobering up, I decided I didn't want to hook up with him anymore. He was still asleep as I got off at my subway stop.

Next stop, the Bronx!

Does that even qualify as a sexual experience?

the sheets had a very low thread count----need I say more?

R140 That's why everyone hates New Yorkers

My worst experience was a really cute guy I picked up at Sidetrack in Chicago while on a business trip years ago. I was sucking his dick and I heard the unmistakable sound of snoring. Deep, deep snoring.

Fuck that shit. I rolled him over, shot my load on his very shapely ass, got dressed and left. I thought about taking a twenty from his wallet for cab fare but I didn't. On the way back to my hotel I realized that this guy had no idea who I was, he knew only my first name. I was leaving town the next day. There was no doorman, I could've taken anything from his (very nice) apartment and disappeared into the night.

R141 when the sleeping guy got off the subway in the South Bronx, THEN he must have had his worst sexual experience over and over again

Ok worked as a waiter during college in LA at a very well known restaurant and bar frequented by gays, moguls, hustlers, porn stars, you know the place. Was approached by many famous older queen actors , producers, hell I was 19, one in particular who is from Hollywood royalty whose family owned and started a major studio , asked me to lunch the next day so I agreed , after lunch went back to his home (Ugh what was I thinking?) I saw an Oscar on his mantle and asked if I could pick it up and hold it, he said yes but I must return the favor, as I fondled the Oscar ( This is true guys) he tried to fondle me , I got up and he actually started chasing me around the living room, I took the Oscar and said FU I will smash you with this statue if you come anymore near me , he stopped , told me to leave , I took the stupid statue and hurled it into his fireplace like it was a piece of trash and left. (The fireplace was not burning) BTW it was his grandfather's Oscar not his , connect the dots , a true story , and BCC if you are on here , remember?

That time I had it with a partner.

[quote]) I saw an Oscar on his mantle and asked if I could pick it up and hold it, he said yes but I must return the favor, as I fondled the Oscar ( This is true guys) he tried to fondle me , I got up and he actually started chasing me around the living room, I took the Oscar and said FU I will smash you with this statue if you come anymore near me , he stopped , told me to leave

Sounds like La Spacey.

Kidnapped by being pulled into a car then raped. Was returned & let out where first encountered.

On date with older man, should not have gone in for a drink: raped.

Attacked on the street, walking home from work & school, pulled into an alley, raped.

Roofied in the 70s and woke up with idiot on top of me - as I was coming around, though, I thought it was my crush at the time, and responding with pleasure, until fully awake realized it was a fug someone I'd politely declined to party with earlier, and pushed him off. I didn't fully understand what happened for a few years; felt complicit and terribly confused, memory haze.

In therapy years later, was told I exhibited signs of a person who was molested as a very young infant.

When I read that 1 in 4 women are raped, I felt better, as if I really did take some for the team - that perhaps 3 others escaped.

Only the strong survive. That's me.

bump

I was invited home by a guy I had been cruising at the gym, so assumed the interest was mutual. But when we got to bed he told me he didn't do anything. I rimmed him and he blew, and that was it. He never touched me so I don't know why he was cruising me as much as I was cruising him. The next time I saw him at the gym he wouldn't make eye contact with me when I was talking to him, so I lost interest. I don't think I ever saw him again at the gym.

Aliens came a raped me

When the douche water stayed in my bum deep. His big cock made the water come out and it stank. He had shit water on his dick and on my percale Martha Stewart brand sheets. It was a big stinking mess. I sent him home. Haven't had anal since. It's nasty. I've been reading the bible.

Craigslist hook up. Always a bad way to start. I drove to an unfamiliar address in Brooklyn. Knocked on the door. It was answered by a full out Hasid. I was horny, which is how this all started, and so I stayed and fucked him. But if you've ridden the subway in NYC in the summer, you know how it smelled.

No R47 it was not Spacey , read the details

[quote]An older man asked me to fart in a balloon for $20.

I have questions for R13:

1. How big was the balloon?

2. Did it expand completely?

[quote]Several occasions with guys who weren't clean "down there." Both front and back. SO gross. I will never, ever understand why people who know that they're going to have sex a short time later don't shower first.

I had a FB who had that problem, I found out the first time we hooked up. I got one whiff and suggested that we shower together and so we did. I made damn sure to soap up that area till it was sparkling clean. Then we headed to my bed and fooled around. I made sure to make that part of our encounters. It was a solvable problem.

Myself and an ex-boyfriend decided we wanted to have a threesome. We set up the rules beforehand like condoms only, no friends etc. We ended up meeting a guy several months later at a club and we both agreed he was perfect. He was very personable and we all had a great time with one another that night. He was fairly new in town and it took several meetings for us to even ask him if he was interested. He kind of wobbled a bit but eventually he agreed. I want to add also, at several different moments he was very flirtatious with myself and my boyfriends at single points in time. Typical stuff like always finding a reason to touch us, hug us or just nuzzle at times. Very affectionate. We go back to our place. We had all spent the trip in the cab making out with one another, rubbing...the whole nine. We all get undressed and go straight to the hot tub. My partner excuses himself to go gather provisions and quickly returns. Friend blows me a bit and I played with his hole a bit. Side note: I'm fairly endowed but my partner at the time was huge as hell. Just true blue Norwegian corn fed girthy uncut cock. So, I have to pee so I jump out and partner jumps in to play. My return: Boyfriend is laying some serious pipe. Friend is hanging halfway out of the hot tub and boyfriend is going to pound town. I'm kind of excited by it but kind of boogered because they didn't wait. I get back into the hot tub and get the freeze out. Like, full on freeze out. At one point I feel like I'm scrambling around the hot tub to find a place to be. It was NOT hot.

We never saw him again after that night (that I know of) and boyfriend and I broke up about 2 years later.

R122, meet R23. And fucking read the entire thread before you post.

R158:

Learn to pick up on sarcasm before you wag your bony finger at me.

Since I already addressed that at R125, perhaps you should follow your own advice and read the entire thread next time...

R159's has her panties in a wad because I posted it first.

R160 isn't very bright

What sort of douche posts a soliloquy known to millions for decades (and well worn to the point to boredom on this very site) and then gets defensive when another person copies their unoriginal and tedious contribution to a thread?

R158... THAT'S who!

Girls, girls, you're both boring.

I fucking love this site

I have Irish + Native American ancestry, but to some people I look part Filipino and sometimes Cuban. I also get a very dark tan during the summer and I always used to shave my hair very low. Well one night , I was 16 I think, I was walking home from my friends house who lived on the bad side of town. I walked passed the house of a guy who had graduated from HS 6 years ahead of me. His hot cousin ( tall, blond , greyish blue eyes, and a very natural muscle build from working on cars all day) saw me walking and just blurted out in the most southern redneck accent from the porch " do you like to fuck!" Just out of the damn blue I used to feign reluctance back then so I pretended to be bothered. He was obviously drunkish and after like 3 or so minutes of me pretending to be reluctant he says let's go around back to the shed. We get in there and his next brute question was, " are you spic or a nigger or like a nigger-spic ?" I was like ...... ok this dude clearly thinks I'm blatino. So, I answered like I was bothered that my mom is Puerto Rican . He goes, " so your daddy likes spic pussy." He proceeds to start stroking his crotch and said something like I've wanted to try some of that come over here and put them nigger lips on this cock. Me being more curious ( he was my first dudebro/football encounter forgive me ) than offended started rubbing his abs and kissing his stomach. When I pulled down his shorts I was confronted with a precum leaking dick that towered a massive ~1 inch . I couldn't fake it anymore. I looked up and was like.... how????????? I was giving a serious WTF-face and he was still trying to get me to suck him off. I kept saying , " I'll do it , if you can just explain........how??????? He then asked if he could suck me. I wanted to make the best of the night so I said sure. He sucked for less than 1 minute and came on my leg/foot. He then licked as much as he could off my foot up to my calf. Then looked up at me and asks if I would fuck him ( I'm a sorta fem/mostly bottom) but before I could answer he lets out a loud fart!!! I just said........ no......... just.....no.... bye. I left trying to fathom wtf just happened. When I used to see him around town he made sure to pull out his confederate handkerchief and yell, " weee hooo! "

That experience is my worst mainly because in less than 15 minutes I endured race-play (though it was clearly real on his end) from an attractive dudebro with a micro-penis only to have him eat his own cum off my foot and give me a fart as a happy ending.

In rehab, I made out with and beat off a dude in the laundry room. We were still clothed and he came all over the front of my shirt. It was hurried and I didn't even get my nut. I had to walk of shame out of the laundry room, down the halls and back to my room with a very large amount of cum down the front of me. It was humiliating to walk down the hall with a hardon, flushed and cum all over my front. Plus, had to see him at meetings almost everyday

I tried to get off in rehab but my dick said no, no, no.

[quote]In rehab, I made out with and beat off a dude in the laundry room.

You had me at the first two words. No need to continue after that. You win.

[quote]In rehab, I made out with and beat off a dude in the laundry room. We were still clothed and he came all over the front of my shirt. It was hurried and I didn't even get my nut. I had to walk of shame out of the laundry room, down the halls and back to my room with a very large amount of cum down the front of me. It was humiliating to walk down the hall with a hardon, flushed and cum all over my front. Plus, had to see him at meetings almost everyday

Did you say the Semenity Prayer together?

My faves so far are R48 and R165.

When my ass fell out because I got a 100, 000 token tip.

So many. So, so many. Here are but a few.

College, Sophomore year. Started dating this guy who I went to NYU with. He still lived with his mother (but he was 19, not gonna bitch about that). He invited me over for dinner, which he made, talked about how cool his mom was, she was totally like Debbie Harry, blah blah blah. She comes home as we're finishing up dinner. She was a perfect cunt to me, very dismissive, treated him like shit, then retreated into what was probably her dungeon. We go into his bedroom, we're fooling around, I pull his underwear off and start to blow him and I realize he's alseep. So I stop, lay down next to him and fall asleep. He wakes me up around 3:30am, frantic- Oh my god, why are you still here? My mother will flip if she finds out you stayed over (she knows he's gay). He fucking throws me out of the apartment half dressed and locks and chains the door behind me. I dress in the hall and go out to the street. he lived in the 80s and York Ave. Not a single fucking cab to be had. Everything is closed. The closest subway is 5 avenues (not blocks) away. After trying for 20 min to get a cab, I call him from the corner asking to please be let back in, as I have no way to get home, and he hangs up on me. So I called again, the answering machine picked up, and I left the most scathing message for him and his mother, horrible language, ending with the fact that he was a shitty lay.

Met a cute guy in grad school, wen on a couple dates with him. We slept together on the 2nd one. He lived in an apt on the UWS that was sort of a basement duplex, so the bedroom was in the basement part and had zero windows, so when the lights were off, it was pitch black. He was very cute and had a nice body, but waited until the lights were out before he disrobed fully. We were making out, he got my clothes off first, then I pulled off his shirt (can't see a thing). He had a furry chest (which I like) and I started rubbing it. Something felt odd, but I couldn't quite figure it out. I started playing with his nipple, rubbing it, pulling it gently (pretty big nipple), doing that for a little while with no reaction from him whatsoever. So I said- I can stop that if you're not into it. Quiet for a beat, and then he says- "That's not my nipple." Put the light on and it turned out he had hellacious acne/cysts all over his chest and back.

Met a guy in a bar the same year. I was super trashed and we talked for a while and made out very sloppily in public (not something I usually do). Brought him back to my apt. and we started going at it. Got his pants off, shoved my hand down his underwear to find the micro-ist of micro penises. I didn't say anything, but I'm sure he sensed it in my body language. I kind of kept going except I totally avoided his dick, couldn't even bring myself to look at it. Cannot remember if either of us even got off, and I actually let him spend the night. I remember seeing him again out and talking with him and him being a complete asshole to me, and I thought- you fucking dickless wonder. You're lucky I didn't toss you and your pencil lead out into the street.

Two more recent ones-

Hooked up with a guy on an app a couple years ago. Go over to his place around 1am. I'd been working this guy for a few weeks, but he always flaked, so I was surprised we made this happen. I get to his building, which is more confusing that the fucking hedge maze at the Overlook Hotel. I find his apt, get in there. We go into his bedroom, get naked, start making out and he has literally the most disgusting breath I've ever encountered. Like a mix of shit and rotting roadkill. And he's all into me, and really nice, so I stop things and we're talking, and then he's like- it's really late, why don't we just cuddle. And I had no other reason to leave besides his swamp breath, so I'm there, and he's clamped onto me, and I can still smell it, and I start having a panic attack. So finally, I just got up, got dressed and didn't even make an excuse. Just said- I have to leave, bye. Got out of the apartment and it took me nearly a half hour to find my way out of the bldg.

Met up with a guy who lives about 30 miles away from me a couple months ago. We were going to order in, hang out and likely fuck later. Traffic was super terrible and it took an hour to get there. Saturday night. There's no turning around and going back if he's a dud. I'm stuck until it dies down. He's very cute, but unbearably boring. We have nothing to talk about. Big deal, I still wanna fuck. He wants to order food- I'm not hungry, I just wanna fuck. He makes me sit through Pretty Woman (the edited for television version currently airing on something called CMT), then, THEN invites me to his bedroom after I tell him I'm leaving (because once the movie was over he started looking for something else to watch). We get into his bed. He puts the TV on (I manage to mute it), then wants to cuddle. He's a terrible kisser. I've got my clothes on, as does he. He starts getting me undressed, he gets naked, then pulls me on top of him and basically has me dry hump him with my underwear still on (his is off). I play along for a bit, but then he's really going at it. I'm thinking - WTF? And he cums all over my chest and stomach, then rolls over to go to sleep. I got up, found one of his shirts, wiped myself off and got dressed, with him in the b/g going- You're leaving?? You're not going to stay the night??

I'm sure there are others, but the only thing I can remember off the top of my head is fingering two guys and coming out with pretty much a shit covered digit, not freaking out because I didn't want to embarrass anyone, but calmly telling them what happened and trying to extricate myself to go wash it off. The first guy flipped out, yanked me out of the bed, pulled me into the shower and made us both scrub down (a little late for that). The second guy was like- oh, who cares? and kept trying to pull the hand with the shitfinger across the bed- MY bed- and my sheets. I said- ok, mood's over. You have to leave.

this is why we cannot finger just ANYONE

R145 I'm thinking Tony Goldwyn.

Both his grandfathers won Academy Awards; his paternal grandfather Samuel Goldwyn in 1946 for THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES and his maternal grandfather SYDNEY HOWARD posthumously in 1940 for GONE WITH THE WIND.

But why wouldn't you let him fuck you? He's very handsome.

R175 BINGO

I was rimming a guy and then he shit a little bit in my mouth, Yes, this really happened.

r14 = bigoted priss

[quote] I was rimming a guy and then he shit a little bit in my mouth, Yes, this really happened.

I would seriously consider killing myself immediately if this ever happened to me.

How did you not smell it before it happened? If a guy doesn't present and smell/look squeaky fucking clean, my mouth goes nowhere on his anus.

I'm trying to visualize this scenario to figure out how it could happen, but thankfully my brain shuts down at every attempt.

Numerous anal mishaps on this thread. Seems a little unrealistic to expect refreshing violet mist down there.

[quote] Numerous anal mishaps on this thread. Seems a little unrealistic to expect refreshing violet mist down there.

There's deep dicking which procures the errant poop noodle and then there's accidentally shitting in one's mouth. There's quite the galaxy between the two.

R177 I won't rim because I think it will taste like poo. So, my question is...

What *does* poo taste like?

raped while eating french fries. turned me off potatoes to be honest :(

I'll play...

Several years back before Grindr I met up with a hot guy off Craigslist who actually looked like his photos! I was happy with that. He brought a napsack along, which I thought nothing of because it was Porland and all the cute hippy guys there walk around with them. We get partially undressed and start making out. He stops, digs around in his bag, and pulls out...a meth pipe. I said right then I wasn't cool with it and I wanted him to leave, and he seemed to respect that. But then he asked if he could use my bathroom to pee. Then he proceeds to go in and take the loudest most disgusting sounding shit I've ever heard.

I met a short, muscly, hairy-chested, bearded Latino guy at a bar. Just my type. We go back to my place and he wants to leave the lights off. While making out, I keep trying to grab for his dick but he kept moving my hand away (you can see where this is going). He starts blowing me and I managed to work my hand down below...and no dick. I let "him" finish me off as I felt bad, but I was pissed that he was trans and didn't even bother telling me beforehand. It's probably one of the reasons why I take issue with trans people now.

R145 Glad I guessed who it was, but now you have to tell us why you didn't go through with it. You had to have known what he was up to when he invited you over to his home. If nothing else, it would've given you some Hollywood gossip to tell your friends (not that you don't already have a good story, but there are plenty of us who would love to know the intimate details concerning TG).

How long ago was it? Even though he's so not my type (I like Latinos and Asians), I found him to be so handsome in GHOST. Even now, I think he's aged well.

And, as a proud DL Eldergay, I'd be remiss if I didn't ask if it was the maternal or paternal grandfather's Oscar you stroked.

[quote]Numerous anal mishaps on this thread. Seems a little unrealistic to expect refreshing violet mist down there.

Not unrealistic at all.

Namaste.

The short versions: Handsome HORSE-dicked Spanish guy fucked me hard and long (when he came he said, Ay yi yi yi... while I tried not to laugh). When he pulled out, he also pulled out the Hershey Highway, as someone named it above. I was mortified. I thought I'd done due diligence! (Poo diligence? Never mind...)

Had been dating this totally cute guy for a couple of weeks. We're in his bed, naked and rounding third, when his bedroom door flies open and his ex (whom I had no idea existed) is screaming How Could You blue murder at him for cheating on him. Cute guy explains to me that they hadn't been together for months, but I left as soon as I could, went home and smoked about 12 cigarettes at once. Cute guy then ghosted me. Pity, as I liked him.

After chatting on AOL and then the phone I drove a couple of hours to meet a guy (I lived in Boston at the time, and he lived in NYC, so we met halfway in CT). He walks in the restaurant, and, I don't know this week's P.C. term for it, but let's just say "thalidomide baby arms and hands" and leave it at that. And I'd wondered why his AOL responses seemed to take forever to type. Over uncomfortable conversation -- and we'd quite enjoyed talking on the phone -- I downed my bowl of soup, paid the check and left. I like to think I wouldn't have cared about him being differently abled if he'd told me from the get-go, but I probably would have.

Long ago when I was 21 or so, I was away from home on military training (Army reserve). A cute guy was cruising me relentlessly at the local mall. We ended up making out in a J.C.Penney's men's department changing room. I got nervous about doing this in public, and said I had to get a bus to return to base (which was true).

He was absolutely insistent that we hook up, and said that he had a car in the mall parking lot. The plan was to drive to an out of the way place he knew, fuck in his car, and then he'd take me back to base. So we enter the highway (very busy, three lanes each way with traffic lights ever mile or so.

He starts rubbing my cock through my jeans, but kept looking at my bulge as he did so (I pack a pretty sizable lump in my pants) and making all of these compliments about the size and thickness, etc. I told him to please look at the road and pay attention to his driving. He did for awhile, but would end up looking at my crotch until I would tell him again to mind the road. Finally, he's slipped his fingers into my waist and is feeling me up, but decides he has to undo my 501s--while continuing to drive. I managed to yell "Watch out!" as I saw a line of cars ahead of us stopped at a light. He says something about these damn buttons being hard to open when BAM! He goes from 40 mph to zero as he slams into a beautiful BMW.

I quickly made sure he and I were both OK and then saw two officers getting out of the car he crashed into. I said I had to go, and I started doing just that. He yells at me in the street, saying I needed to wait for the police as I was a witness (he was correct, but I wasn't going to be part of an accident report which would go to the base commander's desk). I wished him well and hightailed it out of there. As these majors (or maybe light colonels) work their way back to him, he shouts across all three lanes "What about the sex? You owe me! Come back!"

I worked as an editor for a NY publishing company and saw a man at a business party that I was attracted to. Later he was at an office meeting and I learned that he was an attorney, representing a client who had written a book we were interested in releasing. One day it was raining as I left the office and I saw him struggling with his umbrella and I asked him if he wanted to have a drink with me. He said yes, and we went to a local bar. It was obvious he was just as attracted to me. He told me he was married but his wife was away for the weekend. He came home with me to my loft and we made love. Then we went dancing and came home and made more love. But after that, he became distant, and that's when the trouble started.

Charming story, R189. No, really.

r145- Tony Goldwin? The only scion of a studio mogul I can think of.

R189 It's the trouble we're interested in

R191 yes, it's already been established it's Tony Goldwin

I'm not sure exactly how the Hershey Highway can happen. Whenever anything touches a colon, the colon stops. Nothing moves.

While it's possible that some stuff gets stuck to a condom as it's being pulled out, it's rare that lots would come out.

R189 = Alex Forrest

r14, really? God, you're insufferable. Fucking anti-foreskin queens are the scum of the earth.

I met this temp at work. Bald dude, fair with a full blonde short beard. He was a cute guy probably late 20's or early 30's. He invited me for beers after work one evening. I'm not a big beer drinker but I decided to go there.

Several hours later we are going at it in his apartment. He's very dominate and pretty much sliding his cock in and out of my throat at this moment. This scenario was fairly fucking perfect except as I'm on my knees, I feel a gentle lapping at my asshole. I gently swipe and it's his dog.

I'm kind of skeeved out but he just laughs, like it's funny. I attempt to rebound but dog won't let up. Dog even gets to the point where he rears up trying to bunghole. It was fucking awful.

I had to work with him for another few weeks which was fine but I always saw his dog trying to hump me when I ran into him. Never hooked up after that.

getting fuck without lube by unemployment

R197, your story made me literally laugh out loud. Pure DL goodness at its finest!

[quote]if Rod Taylor were to come back from the dead

At you 80? Or 90? The weird horror at uncut dick now begins to make slightly more sense.

"[R177] I won't rim because I think it will taste like poo. So, my question is...

What *does* poo taste like?"

It tastes just like chicken.

Actually, poo tastes like yesterday's chicken.

How do you know if your roommate is gay?

His dick tastes like shit.

[quote]I'm not sure exactly how the Hershey Highway can happen. Whenever anything touches a colon, the colon stops. Nothing moves.

Um, ok, sure Dr. Datalounge. Got a link to back that up? Because I'm pretty sure the New England Journal of Medicine has never published a study to that effect.

The cause of such problems can almost always be traced to over-douching. Some people feel they have to evacuate into their small intestine when really all you need to do is clean the cloacal/rectal area. If you're using more than one cup of liquid, you're going to have problems later as the extra water will work its way up the turns of the small intestine and collect in little pools. The jarring motions from getting fucked can frequently dislodge those puddles, producing those brief unexpected flows of nastiness even though your anus was nice and squeaky clean.

"I feel a gentle lapping at my asshole. I gently swipe and it's his dog. Dog even gets to the point where he rears up trying to bunghole. I always saw his dog trying to hump me when I ran into him.

Never hooked up after that."

Why? The dog wouldn't return your phone calls??

R197 that's more funny than awful. Nothing really to freak out about. My dog loves licking cum so we've had to police that on occasions where we've fallen asleep before cleaning up etc.

After reading this whole thread, I wanted to post something, but I can't... I just can't. You all win. (Except the rape stories. Rape isn't sex.) I hope you've all sorted yourselves and your dirty asses out by now.

Probably my "worst" was with this really hot guy i dated briefly. Physically my absolute ideal in man. Problem was he was just absolutely awful in every aspect of sex. MAJOR let down every time we had sex in that couple of months. At first i thought it was he just wasn't that into me in that way but turns out he's just pretty axesual. I talked to his previous bf about the topic and same experience. He's the definition of a bad lay and seems to have accepted it. He hasn't dated now in 10 years and just not that interested in it

Hooked up with a guy with an amazing cock. He must have slipped some drug into my ass because it suddenly got really hot and I got really horny. He fucked my long and hard (which, admittedly, I loved). I looked at the clock and 8 hours had done by!

I got up and stumbled out. I had no idea what had happened. I didn't even know if he used a condom or not. It freaked me out for a long time.

"Hooked up with a guy with an amazing cock. He must have slipped some drug into my ass...He fucked me long and hard (which, admittedly, I loved). I got up and stumbled out. I had no idea what had happened. I didn't even know if he used a condom or not."

Oh Colton, how many times do we have to keep telling you?

Those walk-on, bit parts you keep getting from encounters like this just aren't worth it!!

Is English your first language R157? Your writing is absolutely dreadful and filled with so many grammatical mistakes, I'm embarrassed for you. Your incorrect use of "myself" is particularly tragic.

Eight hours WTFFFF

Feel sorry for the micropenis crowd, wonder if being jeered at and run away from count as part of their bad sexual experiences.

r208 My ass is clean as a whistle I'll have you know. Speak for yourself next time, and we still want to hear about your worst sexual experience. I bet it was a doozy.

This thread is more depressing than funny or interesting.

R208 here, and since r215's "ass is clean as a whistle", I'll add my worst story.

I met up with some friends at a club, more to blow off steam than anything, and I met this cute guy who had friends in common with mine, so we took up a big section of the club. We all got drunk, danced, etc. He was [bold]extremely[/bold] interested in me. I decided to throw caution to the wind, and we went back to his place.

He started to tell me he was really body-conscious, and I said something like, "we all have issues", and I took my sweater off to see this creature peeling off some sort of Mandex-type shit. The endless fountain of skin had no end. I tossed my sweater on his bed, told him I had to take a wicked piss, and I squeezed out his tiny bathroom window. Then I shimmied down some pipe and parkoured my ass the rest of the way down to my car — and safety.

I did use my Chapstick to write, "SORRY!" on his bathroom mirror. I also told off a couple of friends who would have known that he had lost a metric ton! All that cost was a few drinks, a nice sweater, and a Vicodin & Flexiril cocktail (for me when I got home).

R217, that story was fucking hilarious. I do have to admit I'm having trouble with the mental image of just how much skin was left, but I haven't ever encountered anyone like that (at least in the flesh).

Please do let us know if you do.

In my early 20's, a "bi-curious" friend wanted to do a 3-way with me and this girl he was seeing. I was young and naive and had never done anything like that, so I agreed. I wasn't expected to do anything with the girl (that would be a non-starter), and he said she was interested to see two guys doing something. Well, it was a disaster. The guy thought he was more "curious" than he actually was and after a minute or so of kissing a little, I started to go further and he just froze and stopped it (BTW, he did get an erection). He then went on to his GF and I'm just sitting on the bed feeling really stupid, so I got up and left. The next time I saw this "friend" he barely acknowledged me, so I just dropped him.

Lesson learned. NEVER be someone's "experiment."

I don't know r220. I had a couple of "experiments" that went pretty well in high school and college. But it's always a risk it won't but that's true anytime with sex with someone the first time or two. Eh credit to the guy for giving it a go..unlike you with the girl

this thread is making me depressed. Why can't I just be satisfied with a nice wet pussy. I enjoy the sex but am only truly romantically attracted to men.

R223 — have you heard about Scientology?

R219, THAT is/was an actual SHOW???? TLC is truly the white trash devil on earth.

Why the FUCK did you not let Tony Goldwyn fuck you, R145? You're a waste of space.

R148 = Zombie Andrea Dworkin

RT217: Hilarious. There were probably a few other exit options, but your selection was the funniest.

Isn't it more likely Tony's brother? 57, married to a woman, had a child, now married to a man? John Goldwyn.

I had a guy tie me up -- he said he wanted to suck me off when I was tied to the bed. I said ok even though he was pretty drunk. So I'm all tied to the bed and he's standing at the foot of the bed looking at my hardon and I can see he's really fucked up. Why hadn't I noticed before? He gets onto the foot of the bed and he's crawling up to my crotch like he's trying to sexily slither up like a snake but he's so fucked up he's just sort of flopping around. He reaches to grab my dick, MISSES, swings again and grabs it this time. He pulls himself up to me by my dick -- I mean, like he's a mountain climber. I can almost see the room swimming around in his head. He looks down on my dick, which is still very hard, opens his mouth, lowers his head toward my dick, but then vomits all over it, this hot greasy yellow vomit. Then he collapses on the bed, sobs for a few seconds, and goes quiet. I tried to wake him up by shouting and jiggling him with my thighs but he would not wake up for four hours so I lay there spread eagle on the bed with vomit on my penis. Eventually he woke up, threw up again (but not on me), and then untied me.

So that's my story.

He pulls out plastic sheeting and a drum of blue liquid latex. He says he is studying latex body painting and "it's so erotic and sensual". Cut to a few hours later. We are both semi hard and I have liquid latex up my crack, under my arms, in my hair and eyebrows. We make out in between brush strokes. When the latex dries he gives me a blow job so fantastic I almost fall out.

He says the peeling of it off the skin will send erotic chills throughout my body.

Herein lies the issue. Most body painters will tell you that you should probably prime your skin first. Some people use petroleum jelly. He used nothing.

I had to pretty much shave my whole body of all hair to rid myself of the blue dreaded latex mess that had occurred. To include my eyebrows. Oh! Let's not forget the awesome blow job which resulted in copious amounts of cum. That was pretty fucking interesting peeling latex off my dick so I could release the large cum bubble that had occurred.

Terrible experience

You blue yourself, R230.

when he-they said let's go down stairs and have some FUN

when he-they said let's go down stairs and have some FUN

I dont get it r232/r233. I'm going to need a detailed description of said "fun". :)

Hillary

R226 Zombie-fication accomplished, that's for sure.

Not sure what it has to do with Ms. Dworkin, never read her. I will look her up.

This isn't the worst, but it's noteworthy: I traded blow jobs with a guy in the state mental hospital on my second day there. We didn't get off because they check on you every 15 minutes until they decide you aren't dangerous to yourself or others. Then they only check on you every hour. Afterward, he wouldn't even look at me (he was straight after all, don't you know). The next day his wife came to visit him and brought a baby with her. The day after that they sent him back to the county jail, having decided he was medicated enough to appear in court. He wasn't, by the way. He was still hearing voices.

I decided eventually not to hold all of that against myself because after all, I was in a mental hospital and I wasn't really in a position to exercise good judgement. Still, it wasn't my finest hour.

Oy vey

Oh my! Mental hospital sex beats my rehab hand job, hands down

Years ago had a wonderful sexual experience with a young man (32, I was 41) who had a mico-penis. He was nice looking, funny, bright, and energetic in bed. Though he could not fuck me, I did, using two fingers, jack him off and suck him off. He was a great fuck and could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. But dam could his man make out. Holy shit he could french kiss for days and days.

We spent a weekend together and I think we fucked every 3 hours from Friday to Sunday evening.

[quote] This isn't the worst, but it's noteworthy: I traded blow jobs with a guy in the state mental hospital on my second day there. We didn't get off because they check on you every 15 minutes until they decide you aren't dangerous to yourself or others.

You couldn't get off in 15 minutes? Who are you, Sting?

Depression and anti-anxiety meds can often keep you from cumming. One of the very few drawbacks to having sex in a mental hospital, I imagine.

[quote] Depression and anti-anxiety meds can often keep you from cumming.

Yes, I know. I've been on them, and stopped them because I had zero interest in sex, but I also was only able to get maybe half-hard at best. They not only keep you from cumming, they keep you from caring.

Mental hospitals aren't sexy. They just aren't.

R194's colon is like a deer caught in the headlights.

Bill

R-145, Daryl Zanuck's grandson?

One time, this supposed straight guy who had fucked me a few times before called me over to hang out. After a few minutes, he said he had to leave, but started insinuating he'd stay if I would sleep with him. I did, and then he went to get up to leave. I tried to keep him from leaving, and he kept telling me how he had to go to this party some friends had invited him to. I then realised that I was an official booty call. I haven't spoken to him since, or even spoken to anyone in an intimate way for that matter. I was so disappointed in myself.

This guy called me for a booty call. I went over to his house, and he gave me a bottle of oil and said, "You can give me a backrub, and then a blowjob." I thought he was just playing around, and started giving him a backrub, thinking he'd eventually reciprocate, but then he turned on the television and asked when I was going to start blowing him.

I left.

More stories! These are great.

can't remember any bad one that stands out. Most sex is average , you get your rocks off and resume your day.

A guy I met one night in college. I swear -- I thought he was going to bite my wood off. Ouch! I think I still have the bruises.

I was at a bath-house and I saw someone I knew. He was married and had kids! I was out for a year or so, and naive about open relationships. I was shocked!

He saw me, and we chatted for 20 minutes. He explained that his wife knew he was bi, and would let him go out for some fun every so often. He wanted me to top, and I was willing to oblige.

It gets nasty from here… He told me he cleaned back there so it wouldn’t be messy. I thought…okay! (What he meant exactly, I wasn’t sure.)

So, we’re going at it and I slipped out, and jet of…stuff...shot out on my cock and legs. Apparently, he used an enema but didn’t clear out entirely. I ran to the shower (full of guys) and rinsed off. It raised up a stink. I was so horrified and embarrassed.

P.S.: He saw me later, and tried to get me to finish what I started. Umno.

I once had a drunk guy throw up on my dick while giving me head. The blowjob itself was amazing. So good in fact that I never thought I had came so hard before, but that was the problem. I guess a gallon of jizz and a stomach full of tequila don't mix cause next thing I know I hear gagging and splashing only to look down and see the lower half of my body covered in semen and vomit. Grossest thing ever.

r38 - McDonalds doesn't put mayo on their hamburgers....

This thread is amazing....

I've had so many bad ones, it is hard to pick just one.

I guess I'll just go with the last one. I met this DILFy (based on scruff) guy at a nearby bar. I was still attracted to him quite a lot, even though he was 20 years older than me (what can I say - we all have our types). However, I couldn't tell (at first) if he was drunk or just weird. He kept asking me the same questions, and then he'd jump from "what kind of work do you do" to "do you like rimming" without missing a beat...and back to "what drinks are good here" to "who's the last guy you swallowed?"

Aright, so things were weird... and I figured maybe he's just tangential (I was talking myself into it bc I was so horny and he was so DILFy). So, I'm just like - lets go back to my place...and we start hooking up. He "kisses" by opening his mouth so wide that he can swallow an apple whole - and just leaving it open. No moving or actual kissing...just a gaping mouth hole. So, that was gross. Then, despite sending me a (NICE) cock pic, he can't even get remotely hard.. It was just a little wet noodle dancing around. To make it worse, he then jacked me off so fucking hard that it hurt. And, he sucked dick with full on teeth. Meanwhile, no erection from him.... and I was just like - do you want a viagra? (I have a ton of expired viagra that still works - because I was having an issue a few years ago - don't really need it now). I gave him one.

So, then he says he wants to watch porn until the viagra works. I try to pull up some on my phone but my internet is just being slow - and he said it's not good enough and he wants better porn... so i said - ok we can watch a dvd...but it is in the other room where my cat is ... and I didn't want my cat getting "curious" about what was happening. Fortunately, the cat stayed out of it, but this guy started barking orders about the kind of porn he wanted. First, he was mad I had straight porn. (it's just what I like). Then, he wanted to me to go through all of my DVDs and present him all of his other porn options, until he found some he liked. He finally settled on something and was sitting on my couch jerking his flaccid dick for 15 min. ..naked - with kind of a nasty body... in retrospect (very handsome face tho... that carried him pretty fucking far).

So, he's jerking off for up to 30 min when the V should have worked, and it still hadn't. Then, he asks "if I have any blow" - and I'm like uh no...sorry. wtf... Anyway, he's all over my couch and acting like a frenzied chimp trying to get an erection (the big fat beautiful one i saw in the pic and was waiting for)... but nothing happened. Finally, I was just like - ok I'm done. I said it was getting too late and I should go to bed, and he was STILL annnoyed... he was so out of it, he forgot his sweater and I had to hand it to him in the hall... and he had some kind of funk on him that I had to use rubbing alcohol up my nose with a q-tip to neutralize.

So, that was a couple months ago... I haven't had a good year. It has been ages since I've had HOT sex... and ironically (per this thread) one time was with a guy who had a micro-peen. He was so nice & so cute... and smart...and we hung out all weekend - even though my vacation actually ended (i stayed another 3 days and paid all the fees just to hang out with him). He even made me a little "airplane package" of food and stuff - for my trip home. I actually still miss him...>he's one of the experts that is on this documentary that i watch sometimes...and I'm just like aw... damn. He's the rare cute / nice / smart combo. Sadly, lives far away in Europe. Not sure what I'd do about the penis situation though, long term. I couldn't tell if it was micro or just totally unresponsive.

Met a handsome hunk in Chicago years ago when I was more whorish.....made out, stripped, got into bed....he had the biggest cock I had ever seen....literally beer can thick and long....it was kinda scary ...I could hardly get my mouth around it- and he said he wanted to fuck me......I politely said this isn't working for me.

Hooked up with a guy from my university and everything was fine the night of. I wake up in his place the next morning as he is coming back into his room from the kitchen. He brought what I thought was a morning snack... But no. He then wraps the banana in a condom. I have a goofy look on my face thinking he's joking until he starts lubing it up. I say "ummm no" to which he replies, "I have a smaller one we can use." I stared at him sideways for a second then got dressed and left.

I met a guy online who wanted to try gay sex for the first time. I can do that! I thought, so after a bit of chat where he tells me that he regards himself as straight and a discussion of what he wants to do ("everything") I eventually turn up at his flat. All goes well. He is very turned on (as I am I) and I fuck him...tenderly..gently...I was a real gentleman! As soon as I start thrusting a bit harder he cums. I'm not totally un-surprised as he really was turned on and I'm quite pleased that he's enjoyed himself. But then it all goes wrong. He gets up and rushes to the toilet. The next thing I hear his him throwing up. When I go to find out what's wrong he tells me that he feels he's just made a big mistake. It turns out he has a girlfriend and now feels disgusted with himself. He's throwing up, crying: I'm naked with a condom on my wilting cock... I do my best to try and calm him down but he just wants me out of his home. So I leave. That was my worst sexual experience. I went to a gay sauna afterwards for a nice long shower.

Well this one time i was giving a guy a blow job and he was very drunk. well right at the end he told me he was going to cumm and that he didnt wanna do it in my mouth so i backed up and he peed all over me. I will never give a drunk person a blow job again im scared to

I was coming down from a pretty big high, and we spent entirely too long on foreplay... because I was raring to go when things got started, but in all the time we wasted, my body decided to go completely dry. It was like dry-mouth EVERYWHERE. I chewed some gum to get my saliva circulating to use as lube, and as spit will do, it works for a good couple seconds and dries things out even more...

So... it went for a few minutes... it was good, and then the friction became a bit much

It was the first time me and my ex had sex with each other, which can be pretty awkward anyway but to make things worse it was in the back of his car. So we were doing the business and I was like...something just doesn't feel right down there. I tried changing the position of my hips but there was still a really strange feeling. I tell him to pull out and he says 'what the hell' and pulls the drawstring from my hoody out of my asshole.

I met a guy at cocktail hour in a gay bar . We're both in our suits. Me 6'4". He 6'3". One of the most handsome men I've ever met. We both have great jobs and live in the same hood. Same age ( 28) . Had a few drinks and great conversation. He says it sure is nice to be able to look at someone at the same level. I fell hard and we went back to his place. When we got into it I felt his cock . It was the size of my little finger. I fucked him and left. He could have been the one but I couldn't get over the size. Wish it hadn't been that way. If I had been older I would have pursued him . Size be damned.

I was a freshmen in high school and I'd made new friends with my buddy Tony. We both played on the baseball team and ran track together. So we became close and eventually our relationship became sexual as well. It was so hot! It was my first real sex! We started with blowjobs and then progressed to fucking. Tony loved to bottom and I loved fucking him. So it was perfect for almost a yr. Then one day we were in his bedroom after practice. There wasn't anyone home and nor was anyone expected home for a few hours. So we were naked in his room and I had him bent over the side of his bed fucking up the ass...And his fucking older brother opens the door and walks in. Fuck! He was really mad and made me leave! It was awful and so embarrassing! At least it wasn't his Mom!

I went home with this hetero couple for a 3 some , only because he was hot to death and I would have done anything to get my hands on that cock . We get naked and start messing around , and its obvious fairly quickly she is going to be the 3rd wheel . I never once looked her way . So me and the guy are getting it on hot and heavy , and right when he slides the head of his fat 7 incher into my hungry ,pulsating hole , the wife jumps out of bed and starts screaming her head off . As he still keeps thrusting , he starts screaming back at her . I wriggle out from under him , and without saying a word I grab my clothes and fly out the front door . As Im hopping down the driveway trying to put my clothes on and run , I could still hear them screaming . Once I had gone to a party wich had a very mixed crowd ,lots of straights and country boys . I start chatting up with this hot redneck number who was there with a fat , schlubby friend of his . As the night went on and we got drunker , I started making my moves . He agreed to getting it on , but said I had to do his friend first . Being the trooper that I am , I agreed . So schlub and I go into this rv parked beside the house and strip , and hes about 4 inches long but covered with pubic hair so thick you literally cant see his dick . Again , being the trooper I am and wanting hot boy so bad , I soldier on and let this hairball lay on my back for 15 minutes while he pokes his nub around the area of my hole . He never even got it in , then screams like a deranged banshee when he came . I mean LOUD . I clean up and go outside to find hottie and collect my reward , and not only had he left , but a bunch of people were sitting around a fire and it was clear they had heard everything . I was mortified .

Ha ha

The old bait & switch

"One time, this supposed straight guy who had fucked me a few times before called me over to hang out. After a few minutes, he said he had to leave, but started insinuating he'd stay if I would sleep with him. I did, and then he went to get up to leave. I was so disappointed in myself."

So, in order to get your legs in the air, all I have to do is pretend to leave?

I'll be right over...but I might have to be somewhere soon...unless...

R256, yes, he was on cock or meth

cock=coke

It certainly does, R269...

Guy was uncut. I tried, but it smelled funny and was oddly shaped, so I couldn't go down on him. I figured that I'd let him fuck me, so the night wouldn't be a total loss. He stuck it in and lasted 2 whole minutes. Never again.

[quote] Guy was uncut. I tried, but it smelled funny and was oddly shaped, so I couldn't go down on him

Interestingly, the stinkiest cock I'd ever had was on a cut guy. Never had a problem with uncut.

I was on a business trip in Seattle many years ago and was on my way back from a downtown bar to my hotel in the suburbs. I passed a really cute young blond guy hitchhiking so I pulled over. Never done that before or since. He was a flight attendant and needed a lift back to his hotel at the airport. It was out of my way, but he was so sweet I took him there.

I planned on just dropping him off and leaving but he looked at me, put his hand on my leg, and thanked me for 'rescuing' him and asked if I would like to come upstairs so he could 'make it up to me'. Even though I'm really not into white twink boys, I thought 'why not?'

As soon as we got upstairs , off came the clothes, and from all appearances, he had a perfectly normal, cut dick. But when I went down on him I almost gagged from the smell. I have NO idea what was going on down there, (and I wasn't going to turn on a light and look), but I thought I was going to pass out. It was the height of the AIDS crisis and no way was I going to let him fuck me with or without a condom, and if his dick smelled that bad, I can't imaging what his ass was like. He was lying back on the bed and I figured I'd just jerk him of and get out as soon as I could, which is what I did. Better to let him think I was a bad lay than to risk vomiting all over the place.

On my way out of the hotel I stopped in the men's room in the lobby and scrubbed my face to get the smell off, but it seemed to linger. I found a 7-Eleven and got a cup of coffee to get something in my mouth and that seemed to work, but, of course, it kept me awake all night. I looked like shit at work the next day, but I just told people I'd had a bit too much to drink and they left me alone.

If I told you you wouldn't believe me.

unexpected diaper fetish ran like hell

To the idiot who called a foreskin a "skin tag"....WTF? You were born with one. YOUR PARENTS CUT YOURS OFF!

R78, that Arab Hug Fuck story was hot as hell. I'd have gone back and taught him new possibilities...

I was in college and this super cute guy from another frat was flirting with me a little in a class we had together. One thing led to another and we were back at his dorm room. As I started to top him, he muttered something or other about 'roughage' and proceeded to spray shit all over me, the sheets and the wall behind the bed. Kind of soured things for me.

I was at the apartment of a guy I was dating. We were naked in his bed and I was just about to fuck him. He excused himself, scurried to the bathroom (the next room over, with very thin walls) and took a loud dump. Within seconds I could smell it from the bedroom. He returned to the bed without washing his hands, much less jumping in the shower to wash his ass. I got dressed and left.

I met this girl in NYC in Soho .. we went to a few bars and then to a restaurant. Drinks were flowing. We were making out all over the city. Really attracted to her. Then we went back to my apartment. I gave her a brand new toothbrush.

After a few minutes I knocked on the bathroom and she was bleeding all over the mouth. She was tipsy and brushed her gums so hard they started bleeding. It looks like she had just bitten the head off a chicken. Total nightmare.

Then we eventually got into bed. She wanted to give me a blowjob. I said no way. She wanted to make out. I just started going down on her. When I went down on her, it was clear she hadn't showered in a day (at least). I gave it a single lick, then spooned her for the rest of the night praying she went to sleep. Next morning we woke up, I made her a coffee, and she left. Texted me "Had a great time, I like you, we should hang out ..."

Never talked to her again.

He was wonderfully, painfully big...but it wasn't Guy.

Twice, in my young, slutty days, I had to go out the window, naked, to avoid getting caught.

The first time was when the guy's boyfriend came home early. As BF was coming up the stairs. I was shimmying down the the drainpipe from the second floor. I landed in a hedge, all scraped and cut, with my clothes flying out the window after me. Not only that, the guy lived in the suburbs, far from any bus or train, and this was way before cell phones. Once dressed, I had to walk a mile to the main road and hitchhike back to the city.

Second time was a 'straight' fuck buddy. Really handsome Filipino who used to call me when he got horny. He could fuck like a champ and one Sunday he called and I came running. It was a hot summer day and we fell asleep afterward only to be awakened by the banging on the door by his 'buddies' who had arrived to watch some game on TV. He threw open his bedroom window (thankfully this one had a ground floor apartment) and out I went, again followed by my clothes He threw on a pair of shorts over that sexy brown body and, as I frantically got dressed in the back yard, I heard him welcoming his friends with all sorts of fake macho bravado and back-slapping. It was all I could do not to crawl back in through the window and saunter out of the bedroom holding up the half-empty bottle of Wet and say 'Honey, we're running low on lube'.

The first one I laughed off but, for some reason, the second one really fucked with my self-esteem.

[quote]I heard him welcoming his friends with all sorts of fake macho bravado and back-slapping. It was all I could do not to crawl back in through the window and saunter out of the bedroom holding up the half-empty bottle of Wet and say 'Honey, we're running low on lube'.

That would have been hilarious!!!

Only a few times when some lazy bottom didn't clean out properly. Know your role, prep accordingly.

My god - the stories. I've only encountered one truly mico penis in my life. Hot black guy - and to find that out just blew my mind.

And I note several of the stories have the element of not knowing you need to wash you fucking ass. I mean seriously - it's funny the spouse worked on a talk show and they talked about hygiene in males. Spouse knows i wash my ass daily. Everything gets a good lathering up. I chalk it up to when I was younger if I didn't scrub I'd get serious B.O. even with deodorants etc.

Worst was 17 years old. I was sharing a beach house with high school friends. Girl who was obsessed with me got me in a room to have sex. I knew I was gay but was far from out. I started giving her oral sex, praying I would get hard. 30 minutes later, I still wasn’t hard. Her friend started yelling she had to go. The girl kept saying wait - thinking I was going to fuck her..eventually. I kept up the cunnilingus for another 20 minutes - my jaw was numb. Finally she gave up. My whole mouth hurt for days.

Following summer, same beach house with friends. There was a scheduled gangbang of a girl. Everyone was supposed to take turns. I did my best to avoid but was pressured. She blew me and I just couldn’t get hard. Started grinding on top of me. Still not hard. Eventually had to give up. While being watched by 7-8 guys. Not exactly an ideal coming out.

I have never taken special measures at all, R282. I wash it in the shower and that's it. If you want some prissy clean hole, have butt sex with a woman!

Had a good time with a guy in suburban OKC. We had sex in his side yard on a cushioned bench - he had a nice patio there. He invited me back. I knew how to get in through the side gate. This time when I arrived, he wasn't there. He texted me and said he'd be right out and to wait outside the gate. I waited. Not two minutes later the police pulled up to his house and ran over to me. A neighbor reported an intruder. I had no choice but to tell the police why I was there, which was mortifying. I showed them I had the guy's name, phone number and email address, along with text messages, which they read. The guy came out and claimed he didn't know me. His wife was right behind him. The cops laughed and let me go. I never knew what happened to him after that.

Hilarious, r286.

Bump