Gay men: How did you come out to your wives?

on a post it

I was married for 5 years. For the last two, my wife and I didn't have sex. One day, she remarked, "You know, we haven't had relations in two years. It's like you're gay." I just couldn't hide it any longer. I said, "I am."

True story

Dear Missy, I never loved you but your parents had money and I wanted a well-paid career. Today I'm blowing 20% of my earnings on male escorts and blow and I've never been happier. Still, having to pretend to be in a relationship with you is a big bore. So I'm outta here. See ya, Wouldn't want to be ya!

My wife's friend mentioned she saw me get in a taxi in a certain neighborhood.

I was headed home from the bathhouse. My wife knew I shouldn't have been in that neighborhood but didn't know why I was there. She demanded to know if I was having an affair. I just told her that the truth is I'm gay.

I was married for 10 years. Don't judge me.

r4, the gay/straight thing is immaterial in this case. You decided to make a commitment to your wife and then you decided to unilaterally break that commitment, it's dishonest.

R5=frau

Men are lying pigs, face it. Gay, straight, bi, liars all.

R7 was unloved by their daddy

Honey, I had wondering thoughts and then was captured by the Liberty Council Army; and they made me stare for hours at multiple pics of Linda Tripp, Kim Davis, and Janet Huckabee. It was torture. I am sorry, I cannot get aroused by any woman again. I have to go gay for my own sanity.

R9, I have a picture of Ann Coulter you need to see.

She found poop on her vibrator.

r6, I'm a gay man. I just don't agree with cheating regardless of gender or orientation.

I suspect it could often be painful.

she caught be fucking her brother in our bed, the rest went down hill

I have a question: How did you keep your dicks hard long enough to fuck them if you weren't attracted to pussy?

My lovely wife of 16 years still doesn't know.

I believe in every individual's right to privacy. I'm not PC or militant about it, like so many of you here.

I fucked a married guy today from Craigslist.

[quote]I'm not PC or militant about it, like so many of you here.

because you are a coward, nothing militant about being honest, your wife deserves at least that.

[quote]I believe in every individual's right to privacy.

Meaning that your cheating is private and your wife doesn't have a right to know?

it means I suck cock with impunity and she never has to know

She told me I was gay, and I reluctantly agreed.

She found the grinder app hidden several screens deep in my phone when borrowing it.

Not my story, I've been out since I was a teenager, but a one-time friend was married and gave his wife herpes and crabs. She was a virgin when they married, both religious at the time. She'd never been with another man and didn't know what was wrong until her doctor explained it.

When he told me this story he was laughing at her naïveté. Mocking her for trusting him and calling her all kinds of bitch. That was when I realised he was a gutless sociopath who I didn't want as a friend. It's one thing to be young and feel railroaded into marriage when you don't really know who you are but he was sexually active, barebacking with random strangers, gave her herpes and thinks she's the one who's wrong. Her father was an attorney and he made sure she got everything in the divorce.

A friend of mine's wife caught him watching gay porn. They divorced after ten years of marriage and two kids. They are actually good friends now.

R16, I fucking hope you read R23!!!

r23, good call ending that friendship. If he could treat his wife that way I shudder to think how little he cares about his friends.

R26 since I ended all contact with him I've heard through others that he's left a trail of devastation in his wake. Just one pissed off person after another. A user and abuser, burns his way through a social group then moves on to the next when no one will take his behavior any more. Glad I cut ties when I did.

Some people are just very good at hiding their narcissism and sociopathy until it's too late.

A friend of mine was married for 20 years and told his wife that he's gay. She burst into tears and hugged him saying "I will miss you so much". They are good friends still. I asked him why he got married and he said " She's my favorite person". Now he has a really nice husband, the guy has it all.

I gave my wife lice.

Lots of judgment on here. People face so many social pressures that it's terrible to condemn them for not being as liberated as you were.

Yet how liberated could you all actually be? Did you come out of the closet as you came out of the womb or did you wait until it was safe--20's, 30's, 40's??

All a bunch of hypocrites.

I know three gay men who were married to women previously.

All of them are now good friends with their exes. They even say that the marriages were the most fulfilling relationships of their lives.

I know a couple who've been together 26 years. Met when they were both married with no kids. Told wives, divorces followed. The wives have remarried though the guys have no contact.

I was married to a woman for 12 years. She was pretty much my high school hag. I am originally from a rural area, and this was the norm---marry young, have kids. I was one of the few men around that wasn't a woman beater / drunk / tweeker and had a good paying job so I was "a good catch".

My wife always had a hunch that I was gay, but she seemed ok with it. I provided a nice home for her and my daughters and they never wanted for anything.

However, I fell in love--I mean * FELL IN LOVE *-- with a man. Not just a hook up, but L-O-V-E. I had a heart-to-heart with my wife, and we had a very amicable divorce. It wasn't fair to her to be married to a gay man, and I still feel some guilt over my marriage to her. She re-married to a nice guy and both of them are my dearest friends.

R30. A straw man. You're a scared cunt, and can't admit it

R30 better be posting from Saudi Arabia.

I admit it, I'm surprised so many people on DL were married to women, and some for such a long time.

[quote][R6], I'm a gay man. I just don't agree with cheating regardless of gender or orientation.

So, don't cheat.

Fish couldn't care less what the husband does sexually outside of the marriage as long as the cash flow(to the fish) continues.

The day that the cash flow is threatened or stops is the day that the fish has the divorce lawyer on speed dial.

R33, that just sounds too picket-fence. Surely there were some trials, tribulations and tears?

I did not marry my college girlfriend, though we talked about it for a year or so. I thought we really were going to get married. This was in the early 1970s. I thought I'd eventually grow to love her, and then she brought this guy into my life with whom I fell in love, something that had never happened before. Finally, I told her what had happened. Just by coincidence -- he wasn't out yet -- it happened after an Elton John concert.

I am not now, nor have I ever been, a homosexual.

The self righteous closeted fags

Most of our husbands were also fish-fuckers.

Mrs PC has a new handle! Let's celebrate! Happy 2016!

Will Tom Selleck ever come out to his wife...of did he? Why can't a rich guy with a grown child come out? I'm serious.

I knew a couple, he was a cutie from Viet Nam...his poor wife never suspected (they had a son) but when his boyfriend came over, he left her cold. There were a lot of hard feelings.

R33 "My wife always had a hunch that I was gay, but she seemed ok with it. I provided a nice home for her and my daughters and they never wanted for anything."

She seemed OK with it.... M'kay

I got married young because my community expected it of me. I didn't really understand what being gay was. Later, as I began to have a few gay sexual experiences, I thought being gay was only about sex. It was easy to separate it from my marriage because the sex was quick (glory hole in adult bookstore for example).

Then I got a new job where my secretary was a gay man. I confessed everything to him and he took me to gay neighborhoods with restaurants and loving couples. It was only then that i realized that I could have a gay relationship which would be about love, not just sex.

It took me two years from when I first decided to tell my wife to finally gain the courage to actually tell my wife (we had been married for 7 years). We divorced and she was surprisingly okay with it-- it never spiraled into hatred.

I'm still waiting for that gay relationship. I know I'll find it

Lots of easy rationalisations here. Yeah I'm judging. How old are you, for example, R48. What community forbid you from looking around and realising gay men live complete lives? Hmmm?

I sense a lack of cognitive dissonance. Some of you come off as rather stupid.

When I was in college there was an older professor who had a wife and family, but dated a lot of the young men from the art dept. When asked about it - he and the wife lived apart, but stayed married for his health benefits. She knew about his life.

R2 I know many straight women who think they husbands can be gay only because they don't pay attention to them anymore or have sex. Hello, they can have some in the side with another woman, my dears.

I told Kim, "bitch, you be ugly, fat, nasty, stupid, and slutty. I am gonna go with dick."

R5 no, since R4 is gay he was deceiving his wife since the beginning. There's a HUGE difference. In a 100% straight marriage, at least the husband used to have genuine feelings for his wife. (since he married her for love and not other reasons...)

R49 You make it seem like coming out is the easiest thing in the world for every body.

What age did you come out? What took you so long?

How did you have sex with your wives? Were you attracted to them regardless of their gender?

mmmhm

Oops! Wrong thread *backs out of door*

R56, that's vulgar, crass, and inappropriate for this thead!

When I was in my 20's many years ago I had a thing for married men. There was no shortage of available married men looking for sex.

[quote]How did you have sex with your wives? Were you attracted to them regardless of their gender?

I'm curious about this myself. Did you have to fantasize about men to get excited or are you guys actually bisexual?

All throughout history a steady percentage of men have managed to evade marriage (even straight ones) -- and this when the stakes where much higher vis- a-vis reputation or even just survival in agrarian hand-to-mouth economies ...so this malarky has always struck me as distinctly FISHY. Can we say COGNITIVE DISSONANCE!

Why are you DLers all up in arms about men coming to post honestly about a direct question?

It's not your story, it's theirs. Being gay isn't a uniform experience. Time, geography, religion, culture, and family dynamics all play a part, as does the individual. We follow different paths.

And as a side note, holy fuck, do I hate Erna. Stale misogynist humor from the 1950s that should have been buried with Eisenhower.

I put Erna in the same category as MIH. Bitter, hate filled, misogynists verging on mentally unstable, if not outright ill. I just scroll right past her.

Fish (aka str8 females) don't really care what their husbands do sexually so long as the cash flow (to the fish) continues.

Should that be threatened the fish has the divorce lawyer on speed dial/

A lot of gay men could no more conceive putting their dick in a women's vag then they could stick it in their pet labrador. Yet these "gay" guys have multiple children!

Having an overwhelmingly dominant attraction to men -- and properly speaking a PREFERENCE for men -- makes you bi NOT gay, notwithstanding your "identity"

My dad's mother (an ancient Jewish lady) used to talk about people who stayed friends after they divorced, "just like the movie stars."

Most homosexuals are married to fish, and most of these homosexuals have fucked the fish and made babies.

And it has been thus since the beginning of time.

R65 There are gay men who are forced to marry and have kids so they can appear "normal" to society. To me it isn't strange a true gay man having multiple kids naturally.

I have a gay friend with a lez ex and kids. I think I have more than one such friend, actually.

I'm thinking hardly any of the closet cases on DL are out to their wives. I think if we polled their wives instead of them, we would find out the wives STILL don't know.

Our man (str8 guy) friends are urging us to convert to lesbianism!

r31 I wonder what the ex-wives have to say?

r31 Women will eat men's shit. A man will not eat another man's shit usually , ergo a lot of male/male relationships don't work out. A man, whether he's gay or straight, still needs his ego stroked, a shoulder to cry on, someone to scream at, someone to worship and adore him, make his dinner and do his laundry. Gay men are still men and love all of the aforementioned benefits in a relationship. I bet it was the most fulfilling relationship of their selfish lives.

R65, you have a limited imagination. Yes, gay men can have sex with women and straight guys can have sex with men.

I just called out the name Tom when I was cumming and that led to a long discussion.

You "sense a lack of cognitive dissonance" R49?

What on earth does that even mean?

R75 A man wrote in a magazine that he was fucking his wife in the ass and called out a man's name. She got furious and he was concerned about whether it could mean something lmao

R74 I doubt a straight man is able to have sex with another man. Gay ma have sex with women just because they're forced to, to try being "normal". A straight man doesn't need it.

Our man (aka str8 guy) friends say that their fish enjoy getting corn-holed.

Why is this, they have no prostate to stimulate??

In the West no one is "forced" to have to have sex with or marry a woman. Hence the culturally entrenched trope of the lifelong bachelor and spinster who where until relatively recently well respected -- if somewhat benignly quirky -- members of the community. "Cognitive dissonance" is indeed a large part of this with these not-fully-gay guys retconning their personal narratives for maximum identity politics victim points quota. You had agency.

R80, no one is "forced" to get married but there is pressure to do and many guys feel like they have to if they want children and don't want to out themselves by having a Ricky Martin baby. And, trust me, there are certain professions where people will look askance at you if you are a middle-aged guy with no wife. Plus, conservative religious people place a lot of emphasis on "marriage and the family"

OP, nobody at this board has ever been within a 2 mile radius of vagina.

So, how many were married to lesbians?

This thread is hit & miss

R2 You couldn't have scripted it better.

Hahaha! Great thread, OP, and I haven't even read the first post yet!

Haters just stop. Many married women are devastated when their husbands come out. My friend had a so called happy marriage and kids for 30 years. The sex was never amazing for them, but was fueled by drugs and alcohol in the beginning.

My friend wishes he had come out earlier, so she would have had a chance to rebuild her life with someone else. Now she says she is too cold and sad.

My advice : FFS tell your wife the truth NOW

[quote] Men are lying pigs, face it. Gay, straight, bi, liars all.

If men didn't lie the species would disappear.

After struggling with my sexuality for years I finally told my wife one day. She was really hip, had many gay friends, loved gay clubs, etc. so I thought she'd more or less understand. She didn't. She was furious which I could understand and tried to hurt me in many ways, even calling me a "fucking homosexual" and telling all our friends before I could. I never felt personally guilty about my behavior. I was the result of a very conservative homophobic culture and I did what was expected of me, and thank God I had the balls to come out before I went on to live a lifetime of lies and deceit. Still, I completely understand her rage. Interestingly enough, she remarried, had a gay son with her new husband and is now publicly supportive of him. This all happened a long time ago. I hope she's happy.

I fully respect every married man who came out late. There but for the grace of God. A lot also depends on time. Pre-2000, it was the norm to not be out. I’ve been out since 1987 - but I have nothing but sympathy for men who made the mistake of getting married. Makes it so much harder to come out. Yet, I almost went down that path myself - except for a super liberal progressive college that allowed me to see gayness as more than just sex.

I have 3 ex wives and they're my best friends.

[quote]Why is this, they have no prostate to stimulate??

Because supposedly the area between the anal canal and the vagina is thin enough that some women can feel stimulation on their g-spot.

[quote] I doubt a straight man is able to have sex with another man. Gay ma have sex with women just because they're forced to, to try being "normal". A straight man doesn't need it.

Not true. Look at what happens in prisons. Sex is a lot more malleable than you imagine.

I knew a man who had been married for over thirty years, when he decided he needed to explore his gay feelings. He had been faithful to his wife throughout their marriage. She agreed to separate to let him see if it was what he really wanted. He had two years of one night stands, STDs for the first time in his life, and brutal loneliness. He begged his wife to take him back. She did.