How do you deal with people you love thinking you are not good enough for them?

Affirmations have changed countless lives. Inferiority is only in the mind.

Get professional help.

At best, these feelings and doubts should be fleeting, and most people dismiss them as unreality. Our feelings are NOT facts, and we needn't treat them as such. Why do you treat yourself in a manner you would never allow anyone else to treat you?

My most recent ex dumped me for a guy who wasn't even that good looking (and significantly older.) I then found out the guy graduated from a top school, was nominated for an Emmy and is pretty damn successful in his field. Being able to concede I really wasn't good enough for my ex helped tremendously.

'I feel paralysed by my inferiority to him. '

If it wasn't him, you'd have found another reason to blame for your inferiority complex. This is about you, not him.

Getting over someone is a decision you make and reaffirm every day until you are done with it. It comes from within you. Because your inferiority complex is so severe, and because you want to blame this guy for it rather than taking responsibility for getting well, you are not 'over' him. You in fact need him, to blame for your anxiety and self-doubt.

Understand the psychological processes that result in your very dysfunctional and unhealthy mindset and resolve to finally get well. You'll need the assistance of a therapist.

By not being in love with them any more.

Yes, get a fucking blog. I didn't read past the headline on this one, program troll. See a shrink while you're at it.

How can this be John? He's never dated.

Your ex sounds insecure and emotionally abusive; it seems to me that you're much better off without him honestly. I think you should really consider seeing a counselor and working through these feelings of inadequacy, and also however you're keeping tabs on him, stop it now. It will be hard but you need to focus on yourself and stop comparing your life to his because it will only make you feel worse. Good luck OP.

You are addicted to misery. His mistreatment of you confirmed your already existing conviction that you're not good enough, for him or for anyone. You've lived in that space your whole life, so you're very comfortable there, even though it's painful. You're still pining for him because being treated like crap is easier than reversing a lifetime of bad programming and realizing your self worth. The bad news - you will probably need therapy to get over this. The good news - therapy can be very effective in overcoming this. Good luck.

Life not a race against other people. It is a race against time and inevitable health problems. The time you spend worrying about him is time you won't be able to give to your next boyfriend and the things you want to accomplish.

You need to start loving yourself before hooking up with another bully looking for a victim. Sadly, our childhood baggage is often hard to recognize when we become adults, let alone get rid of.. Often the baggage comes from unresolved issues with our parents or classmates during the key formative years. Consequently, we repeat unhealthy behavior patterns which serve to undermine our adult relationships. Those upthread who suggested therapy are right on. The next best thing is to read articles on how to find yourself and most of all how to love yourself. When you love yourself others will show you the respect you deserve and your enjoyment of life improves enormously.

Agree with r4. We'll said.

I think I'll keep this mind for myself.

Do you believe you can ever truly be inferior or superior to someone else? What does that look like in practice?

^ yes, OP, I would try putting words describing inferior and superior first of all. Question your barometer, where it comes from etc. Dig as deep as you can. Sometimes you can solve problems by yourself without the hoopla of therapy etc. Sit yourself down and reflect.

We tend to forget that we control how we feel, and that others can only make us feel a certain way, if we allow them to. The only reason he was able to belittle you, is because you allowed him to do it.

Mary, get out your handkerchief, and clutch your pearls: I hit rock bottom at one point, and I just realized that my life, and many people in it were shit. I wrote on a piece of paper that I would never ever allow myself to feel that low again, and decided that I would change everything in my life that I hated, including myself. I did. And I kept that piece of paper as a constant reminder.

^As God as my witness, I'll never let myself feel that low AGAIN!!!

There is some good in DL. Following the discussion, I started asking myself: Am I sometimes insecure and as a consequence emotionally abusive on my partner? The answer is yes. So I told myself off and fixed it in memory to correct this emotion the next time it emerges. Respect must always come first.

Honey, if you can't bring yourself to find a therapist and do the hard work of learning to understand yourself, then go out and slut it up for a while.

There's no better way to get over a man than to bounce through a field of new dick!

Slutting it up won't fix the inferiority complex, but at least you're getting some...

bump for more DL kindness

Thinking of someone as "inferior" or "superior" is reducing complex ideas into extremely oversimplified judgements. There are hundreds of recognizable traits displayed by any given person and everyone will be deficient or adequate (or somewhere in between) in each and every category. But even those judgements are subjective. Is someone superior because they have a high income? because they are highly empathetic? because they are intelligent? Is someone else inferior because they have bad skin? low income? mental illness? What is your criteria? What makes him better than you? Maybe if you sit down and think about it you can figure out what's really eating you. Then again, maybe you should just consider that this is your self-hate and lack of confidence manifesting itself and see a professional. Other people often look better to us because we don't hear their neurotic internal monolog like we hear our own.

To answer the OP's topic question, "How do you deal with people you love thinking you are not good enough for them?":

You make sure the relationship ends. You take some time to get past the person. You get the person out of your life. And you don't make a point of seeing how the person is doing in life. You concentrate on yourself.

OP: It's not that you weren't good enough for your ex. Your ex wasn't good enough for you. It would be good for you to wake up to that fact. Please move on.

Here's a pic of the OP

R22 I love the shoes!

You only loved who you THOUGHT he was - not who he really was.

That makes it better and worse. The good part is that he doesn't exist. The bad part is...he doesn't exist.

I recently was in the company of a guy I chased after right when something bad happened to me; he gave me a requisite hug, told me everything was going to be all right. I felt...nothing.

I mourned not the bad thing that happened (it was a job loss), but that I realized when he was hugging me he didn't really mean it, or couldn't...whatever.

I'm the hunt for a new job. And a new guy.

Time and therapy will help OP. Let former unfold and seek out the latter.

[quote] How do you deal with people you love thinking you are not good enough for them?

You don't. Period.

Why would you want to be with someone who makes you feel like that? He isn't worth wiping your shoes on. People like your ex are poisonous and they almost always know what they're doing to their partner. So stop romanticizing someone who sounds like a dick.

And while you're at it, get rid of all your mementoes of this guy and all those pictures you look at regularly. Anyone who makes you feel so bad should not exist to you. Just do it.

R22, short and to the point

oh, sweetheart. we have all been there. i know none of this will work (didn't work with me) but eventually you will just live your life and not care about him. it will take a long time, but you will. you will forget. you actually will however impossible that seems right now.

there's maturity, but then again, R17 is not entirely wrong.

Those who look down on me are the first people I refuse to let fuck me. I do try to engage them into S&M where I'm the S. That sometimes changes their attitude., the survivors at least.

But honey, he IS better than you...

OP, him belittling you is about control and his own validation. I love turning the table on those that dare go down that road.

I'd entice the old boyfriend over using whatever incentive. Then fuck him in the ass hard. Then ask him to leave without saying a damn thing. He'll think better of you.

He sounds like a jerk, OP. Find something you’re really great at, and improve that talent. Or learn a new talent. But you’ve got to get him out of your mind and learn to love yourself.

You have low self worth op. Fuck him he sounds like a creep.

OP? Until you learn to love yourself you're never ever loving anybody else.

Straight men 'settle', but gay men think that the hot, hung millionaire of their dreams is right over your shoulder. Everything is temporary.

[quote]The thing is, I adored him and I think I still do. I also believed I wasn't good enough for him and that he was superior to me, so when he finally dumped me it confirmed all my fears of being inferior and not good enough.

That's what started this destructive obsession. Your boyfriend realized how you felt (please don't tell me that you shared this w/him!). Being a complete jerk, he started needling you because it made HIM feel superior. Your boyfriend was not the original cause of your inferiority complex; that goes much farther back. After you fixated on him, your obsession became part of a gamey back-and-forth relationship. Being still obsessed so many years later indicates how vital the outlet is for you.

So....why do you feel comfortable feeling inferior? Tell me about your mother.

Get some self-respect OP. You cause all of your own problems.

GET A THERAPIST.

If you're dating someone and they say something like, they think they can do better than you, that's a relationship extinction event. It's over. if you continue to see that person its because you have issues and dont recognize the importance of being with a partner that treats you with respect. These are issues to discuss with a therapist because there are probably over 20 other red flags you willingly overlook or dont even see when they emerge.

Red flags are important because they say to most people--move on. Life is too short to be with someone who will leave you worse off at the end.

The fact you could "love" someone like that suggests you need therapy. Thats not a slam. It doesnt mean you're damaged. It means you desperately need direction before you repeat the cycle over and over. you dont have to repeat the cycle if oyu dont want to.

get good at seeing red flags, you'll move on. you'll be a person with self respect and attract someone else who has self respect