Modify Patsy Ramsey's 1996 Christmas Newsletter As If She Was Capable of Speaking The Truth...

Come on all you Patsy portrayers out there, you just drank a big ol' jug of eggnog, spiked with extra strength truth serum,share with us how you really felt

Christ you are creepy. Let it go. Very few people want to think about that story multiple times a month. sheesh!

PATSY RAMSEY 1996 CHRISTMAS NEWSLETTER

Dear Friends, Family and Foreign Factions:

Listen carefully! We are a group of individuals having a lovely holiday! It's been another busy year at the luxuriously appointed Ramsey Christian home. As I told the children: Enjoy the celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ because, you just never know, it may just be your last . . .

The older, unattractive children, unworthy of pageants, are doing stuff. One is on the East Coast (I hear from the gossips at the club) and one might even still be in Colorado. Coloring JonBenet’s hair and finding appropriate restraining devices for rigorous comb-outs keeps me far too busy to notice so many, many, many things. But I have started noticing SOME things.

Burke is a busy fourth grader trying to grow a brain. He's lost just about all of his baby teeth. He is welcome!

JonBenet, ever the minx, is enjoying her Daddy. Kindergarten in the Fashion Knowledge program, which includes both fashion posing and fashion moving, is fast paced, involves a lot of coffee and ciggies, and five full days a week. She has already been moved ahead a full grade in both runway and seduction. She continues to enjoy dressing up as a pint-size streetwalker in talent and modeling pageants. She was named "Miss Salacious” at a darling pageant in Tijuana, where her talent was singing “Boom Boom Boom Let’s Go Back to My Room” in Mexican. My goodness, she is so proud of all her sashes and tiaras! Which is why I have to remind her how small-time they all seem to a real Miss West Virginia. Her teacher says she is so outgoing that she will never have trouble delivering oral. Just ask John! Access recently celebrated its one billion $$ mark in sales, so he's in pretty good shape to buy my silence, if not participation in his “hobby.”

I spend most of my 'free time' working in the Sunday school and doing volunteer work, rebuking Muslims and other unsaved trash. My dear friend Betsy Richards’ ticky-tacky house with brick only on the front was on the home tour in July and will likely appear in one of the Better Homes & Gardens publications in 1997. Remember when that used to be the Bible of good taste? My goodness! I’d call it Bitter Homes & Garbage now! LOL! On a recent trip to NYC, my friend and I appeared amid the throng of fans on the TODAY show. My beauty caught the eyes of Al Roker & Bryant, and even though they are both unrepentant Negroes, I actually talked to them about JonBenet’s and my new Sister Act. I was on camera for all the world to see! Yes, just another thing, JonBenet will never be: A glamorous TV star!

We are all enjoying continued good health while it lasts and some of us look forward to seeing you in 1997! One final note ... thank you to all my 'friends' and my dear husband for surprising me with the biggest, most outrageous 40th birthday bash I've ever had! In case you didn’t pick up what I was just telling you: He spent A LOT more money on that one party than most of you will for rent and groceries all year! We'll be spending even more money on my actual birthday on the Disney Big Red Boat over the new year! Jealous? Oh, stop! If you think I’m famous now, well you just wait . . . LOL! ;)

Merry Christmas and much love, The Ramseys

Patsy's letter is so disgusting: All that bragging. It's so vulgar.

[quote]She was named "Miss Salacious” at a darling pageant in Tijuana, where her talent was singing “Boom Boom Boom Let’s Go Back to My Room” in Mexican.

I love you, r3.

My God, you've been doing this three times as long as JonBenet even lived to begin with.

R6 And here you are, just like clockwork. Bye, girl!

Is R6 also R2? I'm thinkin' yeah.

Nope R8. I am R2. I am newish to the DL and I think the OP is creepy.

R9 There is no reason to stay. You must be busy. Hurry, there must be other sites better suited to your predictability.

How tediously common, that Ramsey woman is. She will never touch my style, grace, and parenting skills.

Tis the season!

R2's cunt needs relining. All that back-to-front wiping ate the stinking hole out in a way no man every would.

What a stupid, misplaced shit. As if she doesn't know she's on the DL. I hope she sits on her puppy flopping into her recliner.

YOU try color matching a fidgeting harlot's hair to the balloons! Do you know how over-processed hair grabs color? DO YOU?

Patsy checks in.As usual she's banging the alpha male.

One picture is worth a thousand words in a Christmas letter. I KNOW it's a summer shot but anyone can see how happy we are. John thinks there should be fur for a Christmas card photo, but I want everyone to see how special our moment was.

I wish I had another little daughter - I'd name her R2Benet. Like my little SJW Cunt Robot. John and she could have SUCH fun.

Ransom note generator. Too bad Patsy didn't use it.

Strange picture.I don't think she knew the press was there.

R19 Someone just yelled from the next gravesite, "Show us how you did it again, Pats!"

R18: I can do one better. Back when this all came down -- Jesus Christ, I can't believe it was almost 20 years ago! -- a friend of mine had converted the letters in Patsy's ransom note into a font.

Legs together, Baby! Be a lady!

This was just left next to your pet:

R3 nailed it. Just perfect.

R23 did great as well. Like everyone that knows you..

Oh my god! I love you assholes.

The more I learn of Patsy, the more I'm disgusted. To fire off that newsletter knowing your daughter can't even wipe her own ass is sickening. I bet a LOT of people hated her,especially women.

How did she and her fat hillbilly sister win those contests? Money!She was psychotic,narcissistic and rotten to the core..They never show JBs contenders in those contests, why?Too bad she didn't just off herself and left that poor kid alone.

JonBenet was ok and all but she certainly wasn't no Swan Brooner.

1995 Bragathon Christmas Newsletter-She liked to make others feel inferior and she was good at it, that's why people liked to dig the dirt on her.I wish to God she went to jail..

Dear Friends & Family,

"JonBenet too had a busy summer in Charlevoix. She was crowned Little Miss Charlevoix in a pageant in June and spent the rest of the summer riding in convertibles in various home-town parades throughout Michigan. She performed a patriotic tap & song for her talent. She and Burke both won ribbons in several decorated bicycle contests. In October, JonBenet become Little Miss Colorado, she rode on the "Good Ship Lollipop" float during the Boulder Christmas parade. (Grandpa Paugh built the float!) She waved and sang all along the parade route! She also takes piano, violin, and drama classes. Busy little Pre-kindergartener![sic] (Busy Mom hauling her around!)"

Please come see us in 1996! Love to you all!

The Ramseys

I'm sure the "friends" loved getting those braggard notes every holiday season. I'm assuming they were all old school money so they probably all slipped each other the side eye with a smirk when they got to the word....Michigan.

Michigan.

Patsy Drama

On Sept. 2 Patsy was watching Larry King Live. In the wake of Princess Diana's death, King was hosting a celebrity rant against stalkerazzi, and Patsy charged headlong into the fray. "She jumped out of her chair and started calling," Nedra reports, "I said, "What are you going to say?" She said, "The Lord will direct my words." King took her call, and she launched into an on-air diatribe castigating the tabs: "I would ask in the memory of my daughter, JonBenet, America's people's princess--and the beautiful people's princess of Great Britain--to ask everytone worldwide to boycot..What an ass!

Wow! In the 1995 Newsletter she treats Burke like he's the inbred, bucktoothed lovechild of Bobby and Rory Kennedy.Barely a mention!

I guess in her sociopathic mind,she made it up to him in 1996 letter by mentioning his teeth are screwed up, and he'll be needing braces.Nice gal.

I just read parent would pull their daughters out of pageants if they found out JB was in it .That's who I'd love to hear interviews from,the scathing stage mothers and their mini-mes. I'm sure bribed, cheated,fixed and talentless whore looking were words being thrown around,and then some.

I wonder if YouTube has any full pageants or interviews of former rivals can be found somewhere. That would be interesting. They can blab now,John's broke.

JonBenet and Thumper-Sounds like Thumper's routine should have won.

"It was in this hotel, in Atlanta, that Thumper Gosney met JonBenet Ramsey, The girls were competing in the same age group at the Sunburst International Pageant.

Susan first noticed JonBenet in the pageant book. "When you get to a pageant, you look to see who your competition is," Susan says. "I remember saying, 'That's one beautiful child".

"JonBenet was transfixed by Thumper's talent routine, Susan remembers, a rendition of a Patsy Cline number entitled "She's Got You." Playing a scorned girlfriend, Thumper yanked various objects including love letters, records, even a pair of junior golf clubs -out of her evening gown. "JonBenet wanted to know how she got all that stuff in her dress," says Susan."

"Thumper and JonBenet became friends and played together. The Gosneys found JonBenet to be sweet, quiet, and unaffected. Patsy Ramsey, her mother, though mostly friendly, at one point became standoffish. The Gosneys were intrigued by JonBenet's black-and-white costumes (most pageant dresses are in vibrant colors), and asked Patsy about her dressmaker. "She gave short answers," Susan recalls, 'as if we were trying to steal her ideas" When JonBenet died, the Gosneys were stunned. Thumper sent flowers to her little friend's funeral. And then everything began to change."

[quote]"JonBenet was transfixed by Thumper's talent routine, Susan remembers, a rendition of a Patsy Cline number entitled "She's Got You." Playing a scorned girlfriend, Thumper yanked various objects including love letters, records, even a pair of junior golf clubs -out of her evening gown. "JonBenet wanted to know how she got all that stuff in her dress," says Susan."

"By pulling them out of the same place you keep putting things in," replied Patsy. The honor bar was now empty.

[quote]I wonder if YouTube has any full pageants or interviews of former rivals can be found somewhere.

I remember after JonBenet committed suicide, there were LOTS of YouTube videos from pageants. They were a horror. Little girls dressed provocatively, gyrating to suggestive lyrics and mothers and queens screaming at them to sparkle. I forget the song, but one 7 year-old was grinding her hips to a song about wanting to go back to her room and fuck.

One by one, they got pulled, it finally dawning on the people in the cloistered pageant world that they might be taken the "wrong" way.

R36 I want to see if the other contestants were prettier or talented compared to JB.I'm sure they bribed the judges.She was cute,but take away the Vegas showgirl feathers and blonde hair,you'd be left with a robotic,tone deaf kid.

I remember, back in 1997, posting on a message board about Carly Simon. I signed the posts: "Patsy Ramsey, still Miss West Virginia to those with Jesus in their hearts." I wrote that Carly Simon had played such a big part in my life, as I thought of JonBenet every time I heard "You're So Vain" and had been whistling "Haven't Got Time for the Pain" when I strangled her.

A reply appeared, purporting to be from the real Patsy Ramsey. I know, it's the internet, so why is there any more chance that this poster was the real deal than I? But there was something authentic to the wording, particularly the last bit. I gave me a chill.

[quote]I came here to discuss a singer I have always loved. And I find these horrible words. Until this daisy grows in your yard -- don't judge.

R38 Maybe she had Google alerts.The bells must of drove her (more) mad.I would have argued with her and told the bitch SHE planted it! Even if it was a troll it, still would have been fun.

R39; I felt like I had come face-to-face with a real killer. It was chilling and no longer fun. I stopped posting.

[quote]I came here to discuss a singer I have always loved. And I find these horrible words. Until this daisy grows in your yard -- don't judge.

There is nothing in those words that comes close to a denial. It is more like: "This is VERY inconvenient, when I was looking for a diversion! You have no idea how inconvenient my life has been since "it" happened."

There isn't one full pageant video I could find. I didn't look real hard, but the Ramseys were smart to leave the talented kids out.You could probably cut the hate and jealousy with a knife when JB and PR showed up.Patsy with her snooty,fat pug nose in the air and her hubbys money,those ppoorkids didn't have a chance.

They were probably thrilled when it all happened .I'm sure sad for JB, but thrilled the mega cunt was out of the picture.She really thought she was hot shit, but really wasn't that pretty,if you ask me.

Just like Jackie O wih her crab eyes.It pays to tell your kid they're gorgeous,no matter what.Look at the mountains they can move just believing it.

I'd love to read a unauthorized biography on Nedra,the monster who made Patsy.That would probably rival the Joan Crawford story.I think its generational sexual abuse that culminated in death of a child.

Nedra could have been abused by her father and had a basement baby,making her the cold hearted witch she is.The Casey Anthony story is the same. Psychologists,I'd love to hear what you think and if this could be so.

Talent? I know talent!

swimsuit

Nedra-"She was just a little molested " sounds like" In my day we were hidden for 9 months and gave birth".If you read around enough about this case,you start to think Nedra and Patsy were the molesters.I've read others thinking that on other forums.Could they have taught Burke to molest her and then couldn't stop it?

I could almost see Boulder version of Grey Gardens coming out of this. I could see Patsy getting dumped, but refusing to give up the cool house, JB falling into Little Edies role.They could have locked crazy Nedra in the attic with a My Twinn Doll for company and fed her raccoon food.

What is this supposed to convey?

You either have it -- or you've HAD it!

Patsy must have been terrified.She probably had a flashback of her own abuse and flipped.

Thumper's gorgeous.I wonder if she beat JB?

Is there a single reliable source that Nedra ever said that? Every link in the old thread was basically hearsay and conjecture. All were second and third hand recollections and many disputed or contradicted the claim that she ever in any way acknowledged, implied or hinted that JB was or had been molested, yet I still see people here discussing it like she told those exact words to Diane Sawyer on national television.

Patsy tried to lighten the gloom at the funeral...

****

She used the term "whatnot."

Only trashy, illiterate bumpkins say "whatnot" in this way.

GUILTY!

R53: Stop posting that unfunny shit obviously made in the age of dial-up. Your graphics suck. Girl, bye!

R54: Thank you for posting that. I'd never seen that.

She IS a liar. If she REALLY wanted to help the police, she wouldn't have placed her lawyers between them. They wouldn't have tried to hotfoot it back to Atlanta the day after.

I really believe that this was JonBenet's future.

R55 Do you know a better app? It's has to go through several stages,including picture hosting site before it gets here.

Well, that was a lot better than some uppity "nurse" yakking away while wearing a doctor's stethoscope, R57.

I do think she would have been severely and emotionally damaged. I just read in in many fatal child abuse cases that the kids regressed to needing pull-ups by day and the whole messing the bed thing.That is so sad.I could see Patsy going off on some kind of PTSD, MPD,PMS, OCD, MK Ultra illuminati puppet, Vodka and Valium induced meltdown when John was hither and yon on business.Too bad she didn't get help.

I know it's hard to believe, considering how completely loathsome, out-of-control and viciously stupid most women are, with or without terrible childhoods, but, really, when you think about it, not that many actually

KILL THEIR FUCKING DAUGHTERS!

I thought the brother didn't do it because of the recording of them that morning and how clueless the boy sounded and how abruptly controlling she was with her husband.

Patsy as a teen.She looks like Monica Lewinsky.

"He is welcome." R3 I spit my diet coke all over my iPad. Thanks for the laugh!

R63 Proving that almost ANYONE can win a pageant, given the competition in West Virginia.

Patsy,at the ripe old age of ten,dyed her hair blonde and picked " These Boots Are Made For Walkin'" for her "talent" portion.She was fixin' to runaway and find her self a husband.In Virginia,11 is over the hill, so she figured she better hurry.

R3 is my hero.

R45 that pic made me think of Hannibal Lecter: "Tell me about Miss West Virginia. Was she a... large girl? Big through the hips?... Roomy?"

Proof BDI- Kitten is terrified!

Good time Gal..

Dear Friends and Family,

The Ramseys will be downsizing so to speak for the New Year.

With Love, Patsy, John, Burke and Jon Benet (the Ghost of Christmas Past, if you are reading this after Christmas)

R3 More please,I know genius takes a minute.

[quote]Coloring JonBenet’s hair and finding appropriate restraining devices for rigorous comb-outs keeps me far too busy to notice so many, many, many things.

LMAO....I'm literally in tears.

After her "Don't go there,pal" comment she switched gears.The Cops,also afraid of her,pretended to laugh.

My baby at 21. And to think I was already dead for five years. She would have been orphaned at a very difficult age.

SO maybe, you know, everything works out for the best.

Patsy, get a brain.

THIS is our baby at 21. For Christ's sake. You think I'd touch that thing at R74 at ANY age?

"Patsy! Don't play coy, you pretentious cunt!"

I told her to hold her water and she didn't. So I killed her.

Pats.

Bump

I believe Patsy didn't kill her, I believe it was an intruder, I came to that conclusion after reading Perfect Murder, Perfect Town.

Patsy's last Christmas card was a festive illustration.

Grow a brain, John! always tickles me. Patsy was great with the snarky putdowns.

Let us renew this lovely Datalounge holiday tradition to the glory of our Lord and Savior!

As I make ornaments from the tree, I get the warm fuzzies, thinking, "We are so blessed!"

r13 Please tell me you make money doing this. I feel like the happiest person in the world after reading that.

Are you a protégé of Bruce Vilanch?

P.S. As I reread my letter, dear friends, I realized that I failed to share with you some of our most vital family accomplishments . And praise to our dear Lord Jesus, who died for our sins, (note for my DayRunner - review our Lord's lesson on the DIRECT connection between SIN and DEATH for a particular chubby, strong-willed six year old, who has failed weight-check every single day this week. Jesus doesn't love a fat six-year old and no one else will either!)

Our Burke is jut making so much progress - I can't tell you how proud I am of him. He has developed strong interest in rocking himself for hours on end, punctuated by vocal outburst and loud repetition of meaningless words he's overheard, And while one of his lady doctors called that meaningless repetition of the words as a possible "Problem" - I said, "Honey, don't you worry about my Burke - he's finally learning to talk at age 8, and now you're trying to diagnose him with a spectrum disorder - while I'm over here praising my Jesus like a good Christian mother should be doing!" That lady doctor is nothing but an over-educated, Yankee blue-stocking spinster woman anyway - she looks only for problems, where I find God's miracles. Who cares if Burke's hours of meaningless words make any sense - it ain't like his daddy's a sparkling conversationalist either. With the money his daddy makes, the girls won't give a flip about what he says anyway.

As if that's not enough, Burke has recently developed an amazing passion for fish and for mechanical devices. When he's calm, he'll just spend hours just staring at the fish in our aquarium. Why one day, I caught him just watching that fish tank like a TV show - and all the fish were dead! Can you beat that - some kind of virus or freak accident, I guess. But there's no mistaking Burke's intelligence and concentration, especially now that he's outgrowing that unfortunate phase of violently banging his head against the walls and the furniture so much. And did I share my story about Burke and the vacuum cleaners? Well, it's the cutest thing. We noticed Burke would disappear for hours and where did we find him - in the closet with our vacuum cleaners! He has just become obsessed with vacuum cleaners - a budding mechanical engineer or inventor, no doubt. That little tyke has even memorized all the model numbers and features of all our various vacuums throughout the house, and sometimes to entertain us, he'll repeat all that vacuum cleaner information in that funny, flat monotone voice he uses when he's doing his Rain Man impression. Oh, Jesus has blessed my child with SO many gift and talents, I am humbled and praise the Lord that all those doctors we took Burke too have been so wrong about him. I'll tell you, privately, I secretly pray sometimes that Burke may grow up to be a successful televangelist, like our dear Brother Pat Robertson or Brother Jimmy Swaggart. I say, "Oh Lord, if Burke can't be as rich and successful as John has been in Business (and really who can match John's success, Lord?), then let him devote himself to your good works, helping the ignorant poor, the dirty Colored people, the Syphilitic old whores, and MOST of ALL, those godless homosexuals with Burke's own Christian Satellite TV Network." And though I don't mention it to our Lord, the fact that Burke's mom is a beautiful, telegenic performer, beauty pageant winner, and media-trained spokesperson - well wouldn't that just be the best combination the good Lord could have spreading his word on the TV?

Anyhoo, I've gone on too long, as usual. But dear ones, a final silent prayer request for an unnamed six year old who cannot get rid of her fat thighs and gigantic hips....if you only knew, how hard it is to disguise those hideous figure flaws in the swimsuit and sheer evening gown competitions.

Let's keep our spirits up and keep moving to the TOP! As I remind my children daily, "First Place Runner-Up is just another name for First-Place Loser!"

[quote]Burke is a busy fourth grader where he really shines in math and spelling. He played flag football this fall and is currently on a basketball binge! His little league team was #1. He's lost just about all of his baby teeth, so I'm sure we'll be seeing the orthodontist in 1997!

Burke is a homosexual and a murder. Another Nathan Leopold. Good thing he was stopped. And he was far too gay and sissy to play football and basketball, unless you consider a different kind of "basket."

Listen carefully! Keep a close eye on your families citizens of Boulder and don't grow a brain! We're planning a big anniversary celebration of our Victory! 20 years ago. We've been keeping a low profile lately, but this small foreign faction is finally ready for the big time!

Lame

I would like to incorporate "hither and yon" into my vocabulary.

She looks so cold in that picture at R84. Dead behind the eyes. The kids look cute, though.

R84 Patsy has such attention to detail: both of her children are wearing her lipstick.

"I believe Patsy didn't kill her. I believe it was an intruder."

"What "intruder" takes the time to write a long, bizarre ransom note? None of the Ramsey's supporters have been able to explain THAT.

"Burke is a COMPLETELY NORMAL busy fourth grader where he really shines in math and spelling. He played flag football this fall and is currently on a basketball binge! He is a total JOCK! His little league team was #1. He is just so masculine right? He's lost just about all of his baby teeth, and GOSH we have been finding some of them planted in JonBenet's food. Oh Burke, ever the trickster! I'm sure we'll be seeing the orthodontist (but definitely not a therapist or anything like that) in 1997!"

"A Mother Gone Bad."

R84 That was very funny. You got the smug psycho in complete denial down COLD.

Bump for the end of Summer.

Dear Friends,

This Christmas letter will be short because we are prepping JB for sacrifice to Molech. I will miss her terribly, but Lockheed is paying us a fortune for John's "access to graphics business" and we are busy booking flights so that John can deliver important materials to our masters. It has been quite a year! Next year we will have so many more luxuries and trips to write about, after we get over our grief, of course. We wish all of you a happy 1997.

Do you think Burke puts on a blonde wig and pretends to be JonBenét?

"hither and yon"?

It's too bad Patsy died. With all of that eye-roll-inducing bragging, she would have LOVED Facebook!

[quote]I remember after JonBenet committed suicide, there were LOTS of YouTube videos from pageants. They were a horror. Little girls dressed provocatively, gyrating to suggestive lyrics and mothers and queens screaming at them to sparkle.