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Dating in Europe

Any tips for a guy trying to adjust to dating in Europe?

I'm an American who moved to Germany a few months ago. There's doesn't seem to be that big of a gay scene in my town (Stuttgart), so initially I thought I'd be able to meet some guys online. However, the guys on OKCupid, Match, Grindr and Scruff are overwhelmingly disappointing. For some reason, most of them are either married or partnered, significantly younger or older (I'm in my early 30s) and just generally creepy. More importantly, I get the feeling that dating here is noticeably, if not significantly, different than it is in the US. Online dating doesn't seem big...people are very cliquey...monogamy is frowned upon...

Ugh, I'm trying not to let my loneliness overwhelm me, but it's becoming more and more difficult to remain optimistic. Where do non-sleazy young professional gay men meet each other? I'm an introvert so it's hard for me to really put myself out there. This past weekend I tried to do some things in the hopes of meeting other guys with similar interests (went to a museum and the opera), but I ended up being to shy to really reach out to other people. Had a great interaction with a hot bartender in a local hotel; however, I try to refrain from hitting on people who are just doing their jobs.

I'm trying to learn German, and maybe that might help me connect a little better. But that's going to take a while...

by Not Vin Dieselreply 43Last Thursday at 10:55 PM

They're on PlanetRomeo

by Not Vin Dieselreply 111/09/2015

FWIW i'm european and i hate the concept of "dating". It's so fake! go for a SEX date straight away, if he's the right one you'll find it out anyway without all the phoney, time consuming, cutesy stuff first

by Not Vin Dieselreply 211/09/2015

R1, I tried PlanetRomeo and the pickings were slim. Seemed like it's favored by old guys looking for younger men...

And R2, I understand that the American notion of dating seems time consuming, but even if I did go the sex date route...should I stick with a particular app or go to certain clubs?

by Not Vin Dieselreply 311/09/2015

PlanetRomeo seems quite right, OP

by Not Vin Dieselreply 411/09/2015

wait, you don't speak the language, OP? i guess that's the major problem, here. Go study your deutsch now! SNELL!!

by Not Vin Dieselreply 511/09/2015

Well, at least the German isn't as ugly as the Dutch language is

by Not Vin Dieselreply 611/09/2015

More advice please :*(

by Not Vin Dieselreply 711/10/2015

Isn't there an American ex-pat community you can hook up with? They'll be able to show you the ins and out of Germany and introduce you to activities you could join. Like anywhere else, it's best to find mates while doing activities that interest you mutually.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 811/10/2015

PlanetRomeo it is. Some use it for hookups, others as a sort of gay Facebook - a directory and point of contact among acquaintances. Grindr and Scruff seems often as not to be mostly tourists and locals looking for tourists.

I don't know Stuttgart, but I would look for a local bar, probably a smaller bar and try visiting briefly and semi-regularly. In the U.S. it's more often sad barflies who congregate at the serving bar; in Germany it's more likely locals though without the sad drunk aspect. Smaller German bars are more likely local institutions with drink than drinking parlors into which some locals have stumbled; I've found European and American attitudes toward and habits in bars are much more different than are their respective dating conventions. Bartenders tend to be friendly, particularly to repeat customers; people at the bar seeing you share a few words with a familiar bartender may be more likely to initiate a conversation. Not all will be prime date prospects but they may be put you more at ease and even have suggestions where you could meet people in a setting that isn't as random and initiating a conversation with a handsome stranger staring at paintings in a museum.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 911/10/2015

Respect the uncircumcision.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 1011/10/2015

Stuttgart is probably the worst German city for gays. Move to Berlin, Cologne, Hamburg, even Munich is better than Stuttgart.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 1111/10/2015

How can I be of assistance, OP?

Offsite Link
by Not Vin Dieselreply 1211/10/2015

Curses, r12 beat me to it.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 1311/10/2015

OP - Vin Diesel

by Not Vin Dieselreply 1411/10/2015

Join the gayest gym in town OP. That always works for me.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 1511/10/2015

I came here to post a Vin Diesel reference but R12 beat me to it.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 1611/10/2015

Huge American base there- both American guys and local nationals.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 1711/10/2015

I was thinking of expat groups, too. You might also take a class, join a club that interests you (take up snowboarding, skiing, cooking, art, etc.). I've always had good luck meeting people in Germany in bars (not in Stuttgart, though), but I'm kind of an outgoing person. If you're on the shy side, you need a place where people stay in groups, rather than just pass by. The gym is a great idea.

Ask yourself what you like to do, and then find something centering around that. You'll be more likely to meet someone you like with the same interests. If you like to read, volunteer at a library, get a VERY part-time job at an art gallery or higher end store, find excursion groups for little getaways. Find a coffee place, bar or cafe and stick with that one. Become a regular, and you'll start meeting people. You're going to have to put yourself out there a bit. Just keep telling people you're new in town, and ask what's fun to do around Stuttgart. Ask everybody you see. Good luck!

by Not Vin Dieselreply 1811/10/2015

Planetromeo. You may have to meet some frogs before you find Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now. It's just how it is. Also, go out. And be friendly. My 25 year experience as a Yankee in Europe is that we have an easy time of it if 1) we smile openly like Americans know how to do 2) we are friendly but respectful and interested in the other 3) be good in bed. be hot. word gets around. Europeans are usually game to fuck Americans which are of course a fetish for many of them

by Not Vin Dieselreply 1911/11/2015

Stuttgart is a dump. It's the Pittsburgh of Germany.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 2011/11/2015

Pittsburgh is no longer a dump.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 2111/11/2015

The stench of smegma is everywhere. You'll get used to it.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 2211/11/2015

Cologne is not pretty either. But the guys are hot to trot.

Big German cities are not pretty. Hamburg and Berlin are OK and Munich possible attractive but not in comparison to most European cities.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 2311/11/2015

Thank you for the additional advice, everyone.

For the record: I work with the US military and technically it'd be easy to form a network of American friends in Germany. However, I moved to downtown Stuttgart because I want to meet locals...not necessarily a group of other expatriates (even though they would undoubtedly be a good source of information/advice). Additionally, my job and limited grasp of the German language makes it hard to even entertain the idea of volunteering or getting a part time job (even though I think those are fundamentally brilliant ideas).

Earlier in the week I had lunch at a nice hotel bar and the bartender was pretty friendly (and hot). Just to dip my toe in the pool I think I'll try visiting again and asking him of fun places to go. I'll also rely on my Midwestern charm/manners to try and open some doors. Might need to give Planet Romeo another look.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 2411/13/2015

R12, R13, R14 and R16: the OP beat you ALL to it--can you read his signature?

Good luck, OP!

by Not Vin Dieselreply 2511/13/2015

R2 There is no shortage of guys who want "just sex." Wish you'd leave the rest of us alone.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 26Last Wednesday at 1:26 PM

You just bumped a thread from 2015, Lenny.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 27Last Wednesday at 1:29 PM

Well, I am in Germany! Are you still here, OP?

by Not Vin Dieselreply 28Last Wednesday at 1:30 PM

I see that OP posted back in 2015, but I'll comment anyway.

Dating in Europe isn't much different than any other Western European country or the U.S. But you have to learn the language, unless you are exceptionally handsome. There may be subtle differences, but if any guy finds you attractive or interesting, you should have any problem.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 29Last Wednesday at 2:06 PM

I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.

I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.

I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.

I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.

I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.

I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.

I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.

I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.

I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.

I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 30Last Wednesday at 2:12 PM

This is how I imagine German gays are.

Offsite Link
by Not Vin Dieselreply 31Last Wednesday at 2:25 PM

R26's mother was gangbanged by a pack of rabid German Shepherds and gave birth to R26, the fat, ugly Bump Troll.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 32Last Wednesday at 2:31 PM

R31 I would fuck that German queen. Germans make among the best tacky gays and I like tacky gays.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 33Last Wednesday at 2:43 PM

op=Vin Diesel

by Not Vin Dieselreply 34Last Wednesday at 3:08 PM

[quote] Cologne is not pretty either.

But it smells nice!

by Not Vin Dieselreply 35Last Wednesday at 5:40 PM

Stuttgart and Munich --- aren't they like Dallas and Houston in the US? So many contards there. Move to Hamburg and enjoy the gay sex, OP.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 36Last Wednesday at 9:53 PM

I'm the OP of this thread and I moved back to the US earlier this year! Not sure why this post was bumped, but here's an update:

I dated several guys during my 5 years in Germany, but none of the relationships worked out. My overall opinion of German men is seriously diminished after having to deal with their bullshit. Oh, and the stereotype about them being honest and direct does not apply to relationships...just stupid things that don't matter.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 37Last Thursday at 7:35 AM

R37 Tell me more about the German men! What kind of bullshit?

I would be honest in relationships! Have you been a big slut?

Well, you could have had me!

by Not Vin Dieselreply 38Last Thursday at 8:20 AM

[quote] I dated several guys during my 5 years in Germany,

Just several over 5 years?

by Not Vin Dieselreply 39Last Thursday at 12:47 PM

OP/r37. First of all, please ignore the troll GGG. Now, I'd really appreciate it if you would take the time for a deep dive into your experiences with German guys, culture, customs and dating. It would really help those of us considering moving there after this pandemic is over. I'll keep this thread on watcher and hope to see a long post from you.

And sorry about your experiences. It happens all over the world, I promise you šŸ˜˜

by Not Vin Dieselreply 40Last Thursday at 12:47 PM

R37. Thank you coming back to update us. Looking forward to hearing about your adventures in Germany

by Not Vin Dieselreply 41Last Thursday at 1:10 PM

[quote]Oh, and the stereotype about them being honest and direct does not apply to relationships...

Intrigued.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 42Last Thursday at 10:41 PM

Some tips for dating in Europe, from a European: the best way to start is to tell your date to mind his own business. Never come to dinner on time. Never eat your soup quietly. During dessert, always blow your nose.

by Not Vin Dieselreply 43Last Thursday at 10:55 PM
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