Dating in Europe
Any tips for a guy trying to adjust to dating in Europe?
I'm an American who moved to Germany a few months ago. There's doesn't seem to be that big of a gay scene in my town (Stuttgart), so initially I thought I'd be able to meet some guys online. However, the guys on OKCupid, Match, Grindr and Scruff are overwhelmingly disappointing. For some reason, most of them are either married or partnered, significantly younger or older (I'm in my early 30s) and just generally creepy. More importantly, I get the feeling that dating here is noticeably, if not significantly, different than it is in the US. Online dating doesn't seem big...people are very cliquey...monogamy is frowned upon...
Ugh, I'm trying not to let my loneliness overwhelm me, but it's becoming more and more difficult to remain optimistic. Where do non-sleazy young professional gay men meet each other? I'm an introvert so it's hard for me to really put myself out there. This past weekend I tried to do some things in the hopes of meeting other guys with similar interests (went to a museum and the opera), but I ended up being to shy to really reach out to other people. Had a great interaction with a hot bartender in a local hotel; however, I try to refrain from hitting on people who are just doing their jobs.
I'm trying to learn German, and maybe that might help me connect a little better. But that's going to take a while...
by Anonymous | reply 43 | September 18, 2020 6:55 AM
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FWIW i'm european and i hate the concept of "dating". It's so fake! go for a SEX date straight away, if he's the right one you'll find it out anyway without all the phoney, time consuming, cutesy stuff first
by Anonymous | reply 2 | November 9, 2015 7:50 PM
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R1, I tried PlanetRomeo and the pickings were slim. Seemed like it's favored by old guys looking for younger men...
And R2, I understand that the American notion of dating seems time consuming, but even if I did go the sex date route...should I stick with a particular app or go to certain clubs?
by Anonymous | reply 3 | November 9, 2015 7:57 PM
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PlanetRomeo seems quite right, OP
by Anonymous | reply 4 | November 9, 2015 7:59 PM
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wait, you don't speak the language, OP? i guess that's the major problem, here. Go study your deutsch now! SNELL!!
by Anonymous | reply 5 | November 9, 2015 8:11 PM
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Well, at least the German isn't as ugly as the Dutch language is
by Anonymous | reply 6 | November 9, 2015 8:16 PM
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Isn't there an American ex-pat community you can hook up with? They'll be able to show you the ins and out of Germany and introduce you to activities you could join. Like anywhere else, it's best to find mates while doing activities that interest you mutually.
by Anonymous | reply 8 | November 10, 2015 8:12 PM
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PlanetRomeo it is. Some use it for hookups, others as a sort of gay Facebook - a directory and point of contact among acquaintances. Grindr and Scruff seems often as not to be mostly tourists and locals looking for tourists.
I don't know Stuttgart, but I would look for a local bar, probably a smaller bar and try visiting briefly and semi-regularly. In the U.S. it's more often sad barflies who congregate at the serving bar; in Germany it's more likely locals though without the sad drunk aspect. Smaller German bars are more likely local institutions with drink than drinking parlors into which some locals have stumbled; I've found European and American attitudes toward and habits in bars are much more different than are their respective dating conventions. Bartenders tend to be friendly, particularly to repeat customers; people at the bar seeing you share a few words with a familiar bartender may be more likely to initiate a conversation. Not all will be prime date prospects but they may be put you more at ease and even have suggestions where you could meet people in a setting that isn't as random and initiating a conversation with a handsome stranger staring at paintings in a museum.
by Anonymous | reply 9 | November 10, 2015 8:42 PM
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Respect the uncircumcision.
by Anonymous | reply 10 | November 10, 2015 9:32 PM
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Stuttgart is probably the worst German city for gays. Move to Berlin, Cologne, Hamburg, even Munich is better than Stuttgart.
by Anonymous | reply 11 | November 10, 2015 9:35 PM
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How can I be of assistance, OP?
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 12 | November 10, 2015 9:44 PM
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Curses, r12 beat me to it.
by Anonymous | reply 13 | November 10, 2015 10:12 PM
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Join the gayest gym in town OP. That always works for me.
by Anonymous | reply 15 | November 10, 2015 10:29 PM
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I came here to post a Vin Diesel reference but R12 beat me to it.
by Anonymous | reply 16 | November 10, 2015 10:39 PM
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Huge American base there- both American guys and local nationals.
by Anonymous | reply 17 | November 11, 2015 5:51 AM
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I was thinking of expat groups, too. You might also take a class, join a club that interests you (take up snowboarding, skiing, cooking, art, etc.). I've always had good luck meeting people in Germany in bars (not in Stuttgart, though), but I'm kind of an outgoing person. If you're on the shy side, you need a place where people stay in groups, rather than just pass by. The gym is a great idea.
Ask yourself what you like to do, and then find something centering around that. You'll be more likely to meet someone you like with the same interests. If you like to read, volunteer at a library, get a VERY part-time job at an art gallery or higher end store, find excursion groups for little getaways. Find a coffee place, bar or cafe and stick with that one. Become a regular, and you'll start meeting people. You're going to have to put yourself out there a bit. Just keep telling people you're new in town, and ask what's fun to do around Stuttgart. Ask everybody you see. Good luck!
by Anonymous | reply 18 | November 11, 2015 7:15 AM
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Planetromeo. You may have to meet some frogs before you find Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now. It's just how it is. Also, go out. And be friendly. My 25 year experience as a Yankee in Europe is that we have an easy time of it if 1) we smile openly like Americans know how to do 2) we are friendly but respectful and interested in the other 3) be good in bed. be hot. word gets around. Europeans are usually game to fuck Americans which are of course a fetish for many of them
by Anonymous | reply 19 | November 11, 2015 10:48 AM
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Stuttgart is a dump. It's the Pittsburgh of Germany.
by Anonymous | reply 20 | November 11, 2015 12:05 PM
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Pittsburgh is no longer a dump.
by Anonymous | reply 21 | November 11, 2015 12:12 PM
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The stench of smegma is everywhere. You'll get used to it.
by Anonymous | reply 22 | November 11, 2015 8:12 PM
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Cologne is not pretty either. But the guys are hot to trot.
Big German cities are not pretty. Hamburg and Berlin are OK and Munich possible attractive but not in comparison to most European cities.
by Anonymous | reply 23 | November 11, 2015 8:58 PM
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Thank you for the additional advice, everyone.
For the record: I work with the US military and technically it'd be easy to form a network of American friends in Germany. However, I moved to downtown Stuttgart because I want to meet locals...not necessarily a group of other expatriates (even though they would undoubtedly be a good source of information/advice). Additionally, my job and limited grasp of the German language makes it hard to even entertain the idea of volunteering or getting a part time job (even though I think those are fundamentally brilliant ideas).
Earlier in the week I had lunch at a nice hotel bar and the bartender was pretty friendly (and hot). Just to dip my toe in the pool I think I'll try visiting again and asking him of fun places to go. I'll also rely on my Midwestern charm/manners to try and open some doors. Might need to give Planet Romeo another look.
by Anonymous | reply 24 | November 13, 2015 5:50 PM
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R12, R13, R14 and R16: the OP beat you ALL to it--can you read his signature?
Good luck, OP!
by Anonymous | reply 25 | November 13, 2015 6:19 PM
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R2 There is no shortage of guys who want "just sex." Wish you'd leave the rest of us alone.
by Anonymous | reply 26 | September 16, 2020 9:26 PM
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You just bumped a thread from 2015, Lenny.
by Anonymous | reply 27 | September 16, 2020 9:29 PM
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Well, I am in Germany! Are you still here, OP?
by Anonymous | reply 28 | September 16, 2020 9:30 PM
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I see that OP posted back in 2015, but I'll comment anyway.
Dating in Europe isn't much different than any other Western European country or the U.S. But you have to learn the language, unless you are exceptionally handsome. There may be subtle differences, but if any guy finds you attractive or interesting, you should have any problem.
by Anonymous | reply 29 | September 16, 2020 10:06 PM
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I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.
I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.
I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.
I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.
I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.
I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.
I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.
I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.
I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.
I shit Bratkartoffeln into the BUMP TROLL's nasty mouth.
by Anonymous | reply 30 | September 16, 2020 10:12 PM
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This is how I imagine German gays are.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 31 | September 16, 2020 10:25 PM
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R26's mother was gangbanged by a pack of rabid German Shepherds and gave birth to R26, the fat, ugly Bump Troll.
by Anonymous | reply 32 | September 16, 2020 10:31 PM
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R31 I would fuck that German queen. Germans make among the best tacky gays and I like tacky gays.
by Anonymous | reply 33 | September 16, 2020 10:43 PM
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[quote] Cologne is not pretty either.
But it smells nice!
by Anonymous | reply 35 | September 17, 2020 1:40 AM
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Stuttgart and Munich --- aren't they like Dallas and Houston in the US? So many contards there. Move to Hamburg and enjoy the gay sex, OP.
by Anonymous | reply 36 | September 17, 2020 5:53 AM
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I'm the OP of this thread and I moved back to the US earlier this year! Not sure why this post was bumped, but here's an update:
I dated several guys during my 5 years in Germany, but none of the relationships worked out. My overall opinion of German men is seriously diminished after having to deal with their bullshit. Oh, and the stereotype about them being honest and direct does not apply to relationships...just stupid things that don't matter.
by Anonymous | reply 37 | September 17, 2020 3:35 PM
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R37 Tell me more about the German men! What kind of bullshit?
I would be honest in relationships! Have you been a big slut?
Well, you could have had me!
by Anonymous | reply 38 | September 17, 2020 4:20 PM
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[quote] I dated several guys during my 5 years in Germany,
Just several over 5 years?
by Anonymous | reply 39 | September 17, 2020 8:47 PM
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OP/r37. First of all, please ignore the troll GGG. Now, I'd really appreciate it if you would take the time for a deep dive into your experiences with German guys, culture, customs and dating. It would really help those of us considering moving there after this pandemic is over. I'll keep this thread on watcher and hope to see a long post from you.
And sorry about your experiences. It happens all over the world, I promise you 😘
by Anonymous | reply 40 | September 17, 2020 8:47 PM
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R37. Thank you coming back to update us. Looking forward to hearing about your adventures in Germany
by Anonymous | reply 41 | September 17, 2020 9:10 PM
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[quote]Oh, and the stereotype about them being honest and direct does not apply to relationships...
Intrigued.
by Anonymous | reply 42 | September 18, 2020 6:41 AM
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Some tips for dating in Europe, from a European: the best way to start is to tell your date to mind his own business. Never come to dinner on time. Never eat your soup quietly. During dessert, always blow your nose.
by Anonymous | reply 43 | September 18, 2020 6:55 AM
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