How to deal with thirsty guys

You need to cool it, baby...or you'll lose him.

This is called "thirsty"?

He hasn't given you any reason not to trust him. He has no control over what people say to him on FB, only what he says in response. The response might not be what you want him to say, but if he isn't encouraging these people you need to find a way to let it go and trust him.

Bossy Bottom: you are going to get dumped. Check your control issues. Stop reading his messages.

He's a whore, darlin'. Oh, and he's already cheating on you.

OP, if you are really want to get gung-ho, you could go on FB and let it be known that you don't appreciate these sideline bitches sending suggestive messages to your man.

But guess what. You would end up looking like the longer suffering, thirsty boyfriend.

So the boyfriend is the "top" and the OP is pear-clutching housebottom?

R6, I'm not friends with any of these guys on facebook (haven't even met most of them) so that wouldn't work. And yes, he's a total top and I'm the bottom. It's these other thirsty bottoms sniffing around wanting to get pounded again.

"...in case we don't work out..."?

Oh honey, please. Relationships don't last forever. Stop being so foolish. You don't own him. Plus, clearly he isn't 100% trustworthy but here's the rub - none of them are. Enjoy it while it lasts and whatever you really want from him, give to yourself. FB isn't the problem.

"Pear-clutching housebottom" was the name of my college band.

good times .

[quote] yes, he's a total top and I'm the bottom. It's these other thirsty bottoms sniffing around wanting to get pounded again.

It has been this way since year ONE.

There will always be a ratio of 1 top for every 10 bottoms, and a monogamous top is even more rare.

You need to just settle down, accept the situation for what it is, and trust that he'll be faithful.

If you had a reason to believe that he was cheating, well that would be one thing. But if you're both happy, and the relationship is working, then don't rock the boat. People who concoct things in their mind, and stir up trouble where there is none, will usually find trouble.

[quote]I'm not friends with any of these guys on facebook (haven't even met most of them) so that wouldn't work.

You know his password? Go for it. If your boyfriend gives you a hard time about it, that means he's not concerned about the long term and doesn't want to burn bridges in case you guys don't work out. And he's probably out there fucking one of those bitches on the side.

How old are you guys?

29 and 30

Christ, why do people even NEED a Facebook page? I'm thirty-three and have never had one and never will. Especially if you're a couple and people are posting these kinds of inane messages on there.

Just do away with FB and forget it.

The top needs to get his shit together and send OP packing

R5 is right. A faithful husband is a mythological entity,like a unicorn. If you have to ask,you already know the answer.

[quote]we're monogamous

Oh, my sides!

Wow, some of you people are severely damaged.

Why is he dating you and not them other sluts. He must like u more for some reason.

OP's topic is right out of an episode of Jerry Springer or Maury Povich.

Who says these shows are fake?

Are you denying him sex, OP?

1. Are you a frau? 2. Are you a troll? 3. It isn't 1963 and you aren't June Cleaver. 4. Control never works. 5. Your paranoia just makes you miserable and just drives him away... or will keep him from talking about wanting to cheat/spice things up somewhere down the line.

"thirsty?" What the hell?

"Thirsty" is this year's "no tea no shade". Awful gay slang.

Fuck Facebook. This is why people have problems.

Dealing with overly dramatic, hystical, controlling nutbags is just tiresome.

Nothing is less sexy.

OP will never understand why his bf dumped him when it happens.

R21, no denial of sex.

Not a frau, not a troll. I'm just annoyed that these guys basically have free rein to flirt with my partner and say nasty things that you really shouldn't say to someone in a relationship. Relationships are definitely work, and they're making it all the more harder.

I've proposed having an open relationship before (he wanted one when we first started dating but then changed his mind) but he is adamantly opposed to having an open relationship.

OP, both of you are at a good age to start tightening your circle of friends, ie he should start unfriending those hoes. If he's as adamant as you say he is, he won't have a problem.

Thirsty is a common terminology and has been for a bit. I forget how old some of the people on this board are.

And this is ridiculous OP. At the end of the day you CAN'T CONTROL YOUR BOYFRIEND *OR* OTHER SLUTTY BOTTOMS.

Quit worrying about the hypothetical and just focus on your own relationship. If he is going to be faithful he will, if he is going to cheat, he will. You looking like a paranoid jealous person isn't going to help. It just won't.

Just be a good boyfriend and expect that he will be one in return until he proves otherwise. If he strays, then you will move on. But if he is a cheater you can't stop a cheater from cheating man.

OP, he's being open with you, so don't worry. If he ever starts not being so transparent, you've got a problem. Simple as that.

I thought thirsty meant something like gold digger

r31, I'll show you what thirsty is:

OP, who does your boyfriend look like who's famous? How big is his dick?

Old lays of your BF's are sniffing around after three years? I doubt that, unless he is a memorably mean f-thrower. I suspect his encounters are taking place more recently.

Sorry to be mean, but let's be realistic.

R32: I'm guessing Danny Devito/3"

Imagine the horrid looking OP desperate to hang onto such a 'prize'

Speaking as a top, OP, I recommend being a bigger slut with your bf than the Facebook posters are.

Face it, OP, for 30, you don't look so good.

You need to be less insecure towards him. It's the most unattractive trait.

I have been seeing this guy since x-mas and to this day, he still hasn't dropped the whole "you must be hooking up with everyone in the neighborhood" and he literally will go on grindr and scruff here to "see who I'm fucking when he's not here." And, then he tells me to bring them over...

The whole thing is ridiculous and a major turn off...especially (get this) because HE doesn't want to be monogamous or "date" formally! But, he wants me to stay celibate! That's an entirely different (mental) issue, of course, but his insecurity is a huge turn off. If I was more horny, I'd probably hook up with other guys...but I'm busy and not that horny.

R32, I included a link to a pic that basically looks like him, including his body type. He's pretty ripped and buff. His dick is about 8.5" long and between 6-7" thick. I can't fit a hand completely around it nor can you wrap a dollar bill completely around it.

R33, the guys messaging him no longer live near us since we moved, so unless they're flying halfway across the country, I doubt it. Considering how much time he wants to spend with me/how much he goes out of the way to do sweet things for me still, I would be shocked if he had been unfaithful. He never wants to be apart, I'm usually the one wanting at least a few hours of alone time.

Be honest. When it comes up, just tell him directly how it makes you feel.

Do it once, do it right, but if you keep half-asking and letting it bother you, he's going to think you've got some trust issues.

Ask Mr. Adamantly-Opposed-to-Having-an-Open-Relationship how he would feel if the situation were reversed and YOU were the one letting YOUR exes talk dirty to YOU on FaceBrag.

R38 seems like he'd be a magnet for tons of thirsy bottoms. There's nothing you can do except throw acid on him. What exactly do you look like to have snagged that?

OP, this won't end well. And neither will the next, or the next, or the next.

Change your mindset. Enjoy these rides while YOU are on them. You like having a stud, enjoy him while you got him and pay no attention to the other guys. Best you satisfy yourself and your man as you can't control any other dyad. You can NOT control others relation to him. You can NOT control his relations to others. Its only about how your 2 interact.

hate to break it to you, but he is hedging his bets in case you guys break up.

[quote]He's read these messages to me

Why would he do that? Just to keep you off-balance? That's not very healthy, and you're playing right into his hands. Ignore those hoes, OP!

[quote]Considering how much time he wants to spend with me/how much he goes out of the way to do sweet things for me still, I would be shocked if he had been unfaithful. He never wants to be apart, I'm usually the one wanting at least a few hours of alone time.

OP, you sound like a real catch. I'd have sent you packing ages ago.

OP, you don't want to sound like one of those desperate housewives on she'sahomewrecker, who checks her partner's messages. I'd be very upset if my partner didn't trust me. Harmless flirting, like sarcasm, doesn't always translate well into text, but I suspect that's all this is.

This entire thread is the dullest of fiction.

IGNORE

Wow, that benzo queen sure has it out for me.

R41, no idea how I landed him. I am, at the very best, average. I have no idea what he sees in me (physically). Met him one one night while out at a bar since he was a friend of a mutual friend. This mutual friend was drunk and being a complete ass to him because he had been dancing with other guys that night and friend thought he should only be spending time with him, even though they weren't dating nor had they ever dated. I felt bad for him and gave him a ride home, ended up talking for hours, gave him my number, and he asked me on a date 2 days later and we went from there.

You have low self esteem OP, You're going to lose this guy if you don't work on turning this around.

Liberal White People problems

I dunno R50. This reads obviously white?

Ok OP to be honest, I think you're being uptight. I personally don't think your partner is doing anything wrong. If he were responding to these guys messages with explicit flirts back then I think you'd have reasons to be upset. Responding with a wink or a smiley face is nothing he's just being friendly, I don't see it as encouraging, and added to the fact that he's doing it in a venue where you can witness it, leads me to believe he is being faithful to you. If he were seriously thinking about getting it on with one of these guys, he wouldn't be responding on FB. You said your partner is very good looking well here's my observation about hot gay guys, many of them measure their self-worth by their looks. Having guys flirt with them and notice them makes them feel important.

If you genuinely cant handle him doing this, then it would be in both your best interests for you to walk away because you're clearly not in the type of relationship you need to be in that's healthy for you.

Final word of warning, most guys who have a 'big past' will usually repeat the past at some point. Most guys with a 'slutty' past usually seem surprisingly clingy and then suddenly boom you wake up one morning and they said they've met someone else.

His showing them to you would seemingly open a conversation where you could express your feelings about these messages and how disrespectful you find them to both of you and what you have together. Why didn't this happen? If it did, his reassurance to you should be enough. Regardless, you should forget it, because it makes you more attractive to him to trust him. If he proves to be not worthy of your trust, you will have done right by yourself.

Here's how I'm reading your posts OP. You're an average looking guy (your words not mine) and your BF is very attractive. You're insecure about your looks and you don't understand why your boyfriend is interested in you and you're worried he's going to find an attractive guy and leave you in the dust. Your insecurities will eventually cost you this relationship. You're BF will eventually have enough of you monitoring his activity and getting freaked out about his interactions with other guys and he'll leave. To be honest if you're acting like this after being together after 3 years this relationship then it's just not going to work and you're wasting your time and his time. I don't know how old you are but get out now and find someone you can be totally yourself with.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that he isn't responding in the way you want because he is worried how psycho they can get. Given they are sending explicit messages via Facebook, who knows what they'd do if he flat our turns them down or they see him as being rude. It's for his and your own good that he's not being an asshole to these former tricks. Lord knows he has quite a past and maybe he doesn't want them to ruin his future. A future he seems to be building with you OP. For fucks sake, calm down and stop reading his messages or this will end in your tears!

He was friends with them before he was friends with you.

But he should discourage the flirting if it makes you uncomfortable and you're worth it.

OP, you tell the bf you are uncomfortable seeing the posts, and don't push the matter. You also want to allow him to express his feelings about it without trying to be demanding as to what he should do from your perspective. Also, keep in mind FB postings and other social media can be full of exaggerations, manipulation, and confusing, subtle, and hidden agendas. As a few have mentioned above, you need to back-off on the possessiveness and control factor. If he is cheating or intends to cheat, he will find a way regardless of how much monitoring of him you pursue. Smothering him will give him an added excuse to leave you. And fretting over whether a bf is being tempted to cheat and/or leave, is going to elevate your stress, which in itself will impair your relationship. The way you have stated all this, it is 'you' with the problem, and less so with the bf. Focus on how you cope with your own flawed rationalizations and not what method you should use to change the bf's choices.

I agree w r54. OP you are making it sound like you get most of your self confidence because he is hot and fucks you. You have to man up and build some self esteem. If he is reading this stuff to you he might get off on humiliating you, and you sound like you don't like it.

[quote] You have low self esteem OP, You're going to lose this guy if you don't work on turning this around. —Seek help

Beautifully worded! THAT will improve his self-esteem right there!

Almost everyone has some self esteem issues. Especially gays. How could they not? Don't beat yourself up over any of this, OP, he chose you. Revel in it and be happy. It's the most attractive thing you can do.

My thoughts exactly R47. A needy bottom is a dime a dozen. His stories of anguish are just... Zzz

Jaysus, can we keep kicking a guy when he's down? OP, does your partner ever tell you what he enjoys about you? Does he show his appreciation? What's missing, here? Relationships go through stages, and after three years you have a right to ask for what you need.

...That said, I agree with the posters who are urging you not to assume that just because your guy is being friendly with his exes on FB doesn't mean he's planning to cheat. You want to trust that he's faithful until he gives you a reason not to. But if he's truly offending you by keeping those connections, you need to have a conversation with him so this doesn't continue to eat away at you.

OP Just enjoy your relationship because it won't last. You both seem to have issues.

Why do you say that r64?

[quote]He's read these messages to me and given me permission to read them, so I'm not doing this behind his back nor is he hiding it from me.

No, he's bragging. This will not end well.

Here's a practical suggestion: manufacture some fake thirsty tops from your past and read their facebook messages to you for him. See how he reacts?

Why are you two even on Facebook? Are you 14-year-old girls?

To R67's point, I don't think it's a good idea to start lying and trying to provoke jealousy. Then you just erode whatever trust there is between them. On the other hand, it's fair to ask how he would feel if the situation were reversed.

OP here. I actually don't have low self-esteem at all, I don't know how I made it come across that way. I'm pretty self-confident and genuinely like myself and I feel like I make a meaningful contribution to the world.

Also, I'm not constantly badgering him about this. He brought it up to me and let me know these guys were saying this and that he wasn't pursuing it and letting them down gently, but he wanted to make me aware so it wasn't a secret.

He tells me that I'm the catch, not him. I basically supported him during the worst time in his life, and stuck by him when all of these "friends" were nowhere to be found. He has said that if it weren't for me, he wouldn't be alive today as he would have killed himself. He feels fine now, of course. I think that's why he loves me, because I've stayed with him despite significant problems when most people would have left, and I stayed and worked through our problems rather than just giving up. He goes out of his way to do romantic things for me all the time, too. He made me a "rose in a glass jar" like in Beauty in the Beast with a real rose, and gave it to me and said I was the Beauty and he was the Beast and that I make him a better person.

I also want to say thank you guys so much for all of your advice, I do truly appreciate it.

R70: the fact you lay out those as the terms of yourself and your relationship and then turn around and make an issue of these 'thirsty bitches' on Facebook is why many see you as insecure and your relationship doomed to fail.

It makes you come across as a yippy chihuahua set off by someone walking past his fence...

The best advice on this thread is from those telling you to chill the fuck out!

Get it together, toots, before you blow a good thing.

I shall, R72. Thank you :)

Offer them a drink. Preferably a non-alcoholic one :)

OP, you have no control over what people say or write. Let your partner deal with this. I find it odd, however, that you proposed an open relationship, but you are obsessed over these minor details.

If this hadn't been a thread from 2015 that a Russian troll decided to bump, I would have wondered if this was Ernst.

I was in the same situation as you OP. He a total and hung too with lots of guys in his record, very very open to sex (basically anyone who wasn’t ugly), and I a shy vers bottom.

He absolutely adored me and wanted to spend all his time with me.. but his past was his past, and not mine, and the people he knew and fucked were real and they were absolutely positive memories for him.

That’s what you need to understand. It has nothing to do with you.

Even as he loves you deeply, those guys are still his memories of a really good time.

Long story short, I got insecure, got passive aggressive with him, he cheated (went to meet guys who were "friendly“ to him, which always ended in sex, as he was a top and they werd bottoms - bottoms are ALWAYS friendly to him), I cheated, we almost killed each other, had a couple fist fight on the streets, separated for a couple of weeks, missed each other so much that we couldn’t bear be apart...

We worked on our issues, had many threesomes (both tagteaming other bottoms) and have now been together for a decade and are very happy together.

We both accept each other’s sexual fantasies and are open with one another and I don’t hate him for being attracted to other guys, because I learned to separate his attraction to "just sex" from his love for me. And he doesn’t hate me for being jealous because he separated my passive aggressiveness from my love for him.

OP, your “rose in a glass jar” reference isn’t helping matters.

TL;DR, OP. If your trick is thirsty, give him some water.

Would it have killed you to have at least posted a picture or link OP? Would it? I mean would that have really been that hard? Would it? Why don’t you try to think more of others next time before you post? Can you give us a straight answer? At least be honest for once in your life and tell us why you were so inconsiderate?

R80 is "Black Business Woman" code for crack ho prostitute? Just inquiring. You be you honeychild.

I was in your situation OP. I didn't come out till I was 30 and my boyfriend had been out since 21. He got a great situation with me! No baggage, no gay hook up history ( to speak of) and we could walk into any gay situation without a single person there having a 'story' about me. My Boyfriend, not so much. 6'1 muscle Italian with green eyes. It was embarrassing how former hookups kept throwing themselves at him. At 5'11 and a muscular 220 lbs with a Richard Gere face( so I'm told) I am not chopped liver. I finally had to excise my good breeding and my exhausted tolerance of the smuty gay thirst ....because I had HAD IT! It took me telling him in no uncertain terms how he was going to handle himself from that day forward. Plus me pulling a few of the queens aside myself, and telling them how they were going to act from here on out. Don't be a doormat OP! Once it was understood , I wasn't a basic bitch, everything changed.