"No fats, femmes, asians"

Makes me think the guy looking for a hookup probably looks like Gollum.

This is a topic I think worth exploring. I don't like reading those words (in personals ads where they're typically found). They betray the attitude of the writer, who is likely choosy, arrogant, and feels entitled to order up dates like he does pizza. It's definitely not an empathetic way to seek out companionship. It's a fratty way to find people who are just like you, but denies the humanity of the vast majority who aren't like you.

Yet I've been tempted on occasion to write similar things myself, although I've held back. Why was I tempted? Because in online forums, which are in some communities one of the only ways to meet other gay guys to date or to get laid, people who are considered less-attractive such as the out of shape, the overweight, the old, and ethnic minorities, post excessively and reply aggressively to any and all ads.

These days in my town, personals ads are becoming ruined by people posting blatantly false information about their height and weight and even their race. The Native Americans in my town claim to be white or possibly Asian. Their idea being that if you meet them, these things won't matter; although, in reality it means you will reject them out of hand because they lied to you. Other oddities are that height exaggeration is becoming common, with guys often claiming to be 6'2" and taller - I frankly don't want to date somebody that tall.

On Craigslist which is free, less-popular types post over and over again, sometimes 5 or 6 ads in a row. It's sort of like online littering. Who would want to meet somebody who behaves so badly online? It's common for them to leave out all descriptive stats such as race, height, weight, age. If they reply to your post, they also omit this info while simultaneously demanding a meeting.

It seems that people would realize that presenting oneself as sociable and respectful online would be preferable to being either rudely demanding or blatantly dishonest.

It saves everyone time...would you want to meet someone so biased? Some won't care, of course; others might be turned off by the lack of tact and manners, not to mention the casual racism. Not that everyone doesn't have their preferences, but surely there are more polite ways of expressing them.

I would never be interested in someone who wrote that, so I am always happy to see it. It helps you weed out the the idiots.

Really, if someone sucks don't you want them to make it clear from the start?

Well everybody likes what they like, so as much as the SJWs make it a big hullaballoo, it isn't.

It definitely saves everyone time. The femmes are almost as bad as the radical trannies. Yes, they can find someone too, dear, but most guys simply aren't attracted to their fem, mincing ways -- but they seem to demand attention from every man they lay eyes on. The truth is they're not sexually attractive to 99% of gay man. Go to a niche bar where you are appreciated.

I guess it is just people being specific and honest. If it helps them get laid by who they want to get laid by, more power to them. I'd rather not waste my time if I'm in someone's 'no thanks' categories.

Sometimes it is funny though how descriptive people get with the 'no one over 45' or '7 inch cock or bigger' ...... again, if you're getting laid ...... have at it.

"No Asians." I just wish they'd be a bit clearer about what they're not looking for, like book resellers. If you don't want to hook up with a book reseller just say it!

'feels entitled to order up dates like he does pizza'

You mean, like anyone else using hook up apps to find sex?

R8, what gets MY goat is when you turn up to their apartment and then they start asking what your Major was.

It's not a thought crime to find certain types sexually arousing, and others, not.

Program, R10, [italic]program.[/italic] Get it right!

Effeminate Sumo wrestlers need love too!

Well, if that is their preference, they can state, "no fit, masculine, whites, blacks, or latinos."

Surely there's a psychological burden reading that. It's like going to a wedding cake shop, and there's a sign saying, "no gays, personal preference, I'm sure there are many other cake shops out there for you". I'm not saying both are equally legitimate, but to the person rejected, the two situations must feel similar inside: you're a second-class citizen and less worthy.

I once posted a CL ad saying I was only looking for fats, femmes, Asians and blacks. Strangely enough I got a lot of angry replies.

There's no need to say no fats or no Asians because if you aren't into those two types, it's easy enough to just ignore the message. Putting it on your profile can make you look a bit of a dick.

No femmes is different because you can't always see how femme someone is from their picture and text, so it's useful to put it on your profile. However, the flaw in that theory is that the biggest flamers will usually either be unaware of how flaming they are, or just in denial, so you'd get messages from them anyway.

I'm a fem (or at least I am by online-hookup standards) and "no fems" doesn't bother me -- to me that falls squarely into the realm of preference. If I were black or Asian, I'm sure I'd feel differently.

[quote]No femmes is different because you can't always see how femme someone is from their picture and text

I know, right?

Femmes can be amazing friends, neighbors, or coworkers. However, in dating or hookups they are too much like the T: aggressive, entitled, bossy, unattractive

There's nothing wrong with the statement. It's the same as if I wrote "Looking for Tall, Hairy Uncut Italian." It's a simple way of not wasting the time of people who don't fit my requirements.

Speaking strictly for myself, I'm none of those things.

R22: despite my writing style, I don't mean to generalize. I know there are exceptions to my experiences. I've just had a miserable track record with super femmes.

The first love of my life was one. He turned out to be controlling, bossy, and abusive once we got serious. In the 15 campaigns since, I have noticed those traits manifest in the flaming queens I have either tried to get close to or observed in relationships with friends.

I often wonder if it's some sort of defense mechanism created by all the abuse the femmes take as youths from society...

Online dating and online hookups are awful, period. It brings out the worst in people and makes everyone feel awful about themselves. You can never be masc enough or fit enough, etc.

For the white guys here: if a Black or Asian guy writes "No Whites". Does it bother you?

You left "blacks" off OP. Why?

R25, I see it often and who cares. Everybody has a preference. To each their own.

R24 is right but one thing I notice is that gay guys on writeaprisoner.com never look for such things. Those guys are so masculine and they don't drone on and on looking for only masculine guys. Nor, do they have a race preference. Those gay guys are super hot and super nice.

W&W for R28.

[quote]Femmes can be amazing friends, neighbors, or coworkers. However, in dating or hookups they are too much like the T: aggressive, entitled, bossy, unattractive

Yet if a truly masculine guy was aggressive, entitled and bossy, I'll bet that would turn you on.

R30: aggressive, yes!

Entitled or bossy, hell no!

I would never put it in my profile, but I find a lot of times when a profile is headless and the person behind it is reluctant to show a face picture they are usually Asian; and I feel bad.

Your preferences are your preferences,why is that such a bad thing ? What Id like to know is why you can put it in your ad,say it over and over in your emails or texts,TOPS ONLY,and the first thing they do when you go to hook up is throw those legs in the air so fast they clip your head ! Out of my last 12 hookups only TWO were total tops. Im done with online hookups !

Just a few days ago, an Asian guy sent 2 pics with his face kind of obscured - but didn't look asian, really.. then he spent 30 minutes with questions...and on and on chatting about nothing... and then finally goes - I'm asian, is that ok? Not in this case, and thank you for sending blurry pics and wasting 30 minutes. I've never hooked up with an Asian guy and I probably never will. Call me racist all you want, but that's not what is. The majority of friends in HS were Koren because I was in a lot of honors/AP classes & in a very Korean suburb (in college, none of the Koreans would talk to me, because they were native Koreans and far more racist & insular than white people). I'm just not physically into Asians for sex...SORRY...but they have been some of my best friends.

And on the same note, plenty of guys are not into my white ass. I don't care. I get over it. I accept I'm just not good looking enough or too hairy or too "fat" by gay standards for some gay men. No SJW pity party for me necessary. NEXT!

But go on reddit and all the millenials screech racism like lunatics. It's NOT racism!

R20, that's not a true femme. That's an alpha male masquerading as femme and sounding like an angry hornet which has been poked with a stick. A true femme is quiet, sweet, gentle, and nurturing.

Interesting R35. I will try to keep that in mind

[quote]gay guys on writeaprisoner.com never look for such things. Those guys are so masculine and they don't drone on and on looking for only masculine guys. Nor, do they have a race preference. Those gay guys are super hot and super nice.

and (possibly) super straight, knowing that gay guys are going to shell out $$ for their legal fees, education, and gifts. I only see gay face in a handful of them. I didn't look for that long... but still.

Anyway, your point is still valid...though I noticed, during my whore 90s-early 00s era when married men were all over gay.com and manhunt, they were very big into "masc only" so I don't know about the cage meat. Maybe it's an issue of beggars can't be choosers.

No like. You no get sucky sucky.

"It's the same as if I wrote "Looking for Tall, Hairy Uncut Italian."

It's really not. There's a huge difference between saying what you specifically want as opposed to what you will reject. If you saw a want ad in the paper, that said "We don't want employees who, etc., etc.," wouldn't you think there was something wrong with management? If nothing else, it seems less anti-social to list what you do want.

Having said that, I agree with the person above who said "No fats, femmes or Asians" is a good way to let me know this person isn't worth my time. So by all means, include that in your profile if that's how you feel.

And just for the record, there's nothing "honest" about racism. Racism is fundamentally dishonest. So these people are really just being blatant about their dishonesty.

Those SJWs. They seem to think agreeing to sex with someone is a charitable act that you must agree to if the other person requires it of you. No, dears, it is not. People get to fuck who they want to, not who others tell them to.

' I agree with the person above who said "No fats, femmes or Asians" is a good way to let me know this person isn't worth my time.'

Why NOT?We are talking about what turns people on here, what types they want to get naked with, and that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with them not treating people they DON'T want to fuck discourteously. I'm polite to my mom, and so on.

Isn't this known as the Alec Mapa rule??

I am now a fat old bear. I thank my lucky stars that I have a partner who loves me because I'd probably never get laid in my present state if I was single. I'm very much aware that there is a large subset of gay men who completely avoid social contact with me, presumably because I'm just too repulsive to them to even chat with. They'll talk up all the young, fit, cute boys, but avoid conversation with me, even though I'm a fairly sociable person. I'd like to point out to these guys who give me the cold shoulder that I am not at all interested in them sexually, thank you very much, so they have no need to worry about me hitting on them or anything. In fact, I already have a partner who is much nicer (and sexier by far) so we could just keep the conversation platonic.

Well I'd chat to you R43 you seem nice.

I remember when I'd see "no fats, no fems. Just men." in the personal ads years ago. So in order to qualify as a "man" you can't possibly be either the slightest bit overweight or effeminate? That's just hateful.

You sound sweet, R44. And you are definitely in the minority of gay men out there. I hope you never change.

Unlike R43, I'm single and will probably always be if I have to rely on online sites to get laid. I'm tall and somewhat good looking with a good personality yet I'm carrying a few extra pounds or in DL speak, I am massively obese. There is no way I would post a shirtless photo online so I don't even bother with online dating or hookups. I used to get laid in the 90s before everyone stopped cruising at the bars and started doing it on their phones. I'm in NYC, by the way. If you met me at the bar we might hit it off but you'll never meet me online since I'm "fat."

R45, you are clearly just as shallow as the people you describe. Just because the white, muscular Abercrombie guys don't chat you up, don't take it out on gay men because you're not chatting up guys who look like you either, are you?

They're just playing hard to get.

Not letting people write crap like that doesn't stop them from thinking that way.

I'd rather people have the freedom to let other people know what kind of douche they are, than have good people waste thier time on idiots.

First let me say I am a slightly over 50 definitely overweight man so I know I don't count, even though I make a lot of money and have a good brain and good character.

Second, for sure, it hurts.

Third, it saves time, so while it's ugly, it's honest and pretending otherwise would only delay the inevitable.

I am chubby and asian, so to me that is pretty rude. Of course most people who use that line are not my type physically anyway (i like them beefy and not twinky) so no skin off my ass.

I gave up trying to make friends or get laid years ago. No one wanted me and the guys who did I was not attracted to. I not could imagine at the age of 40 dating married men in their 60s. I'm not attracted to them. My only prerequisite was that a guy be single, be out to at least his family and be close to my age. I finally gave up and dedicated myself to work. I'm much happier now. Sometimes I'm lonely but I'm used to that.

That said, I can't imagine how hard it must be for guys who are thin and good looking to be rejected for the traits mentioned above.

I'm in a relationship, which is a relief these days because it seems that gay men have such unrealistic standards when it comes to potential hookups and potential boyfriends. It's like everyone has to be perfect to even be considered for a first date.

On a related note, am I the only one who seems to find it hard even to make friends with other gay men. As if you have to be very good looking to even hang out with? My partner and I have found it nearly impossible to make new friends with other gay male couples these days. Too many crazies, too many who are looking for casual hookups with other couples. It's like the other decent couples are just not out there.

Where are you looking for gay male couples R53?

R53 it seems like every gay man and couple is striving to be an A-gay. Finding sane friends seems pretty near impossible these days.

Practical if you are looking for sex. Works as an instant filter, saves time, and results in a candidate list looking for similar.

Rude if you are not looking for sex.

Where are you liking for gay couples R53? The bar? Clubs?

I'm sure you'll say, church, book clubs, bingo, shuffle board. Right? Yeah.

*looking

Interesting topic, and I wish there was more, unbiased, enlightened focus on it. I always cringe when I see the argument, "The dick wants what it wants" or "It's a preference". Preferences are a thing, but does not account for racial diversity.

Anyway, I also think it's important to stop demonizing white gay men. As a person of colour (tan skin) who is attracted to other PoCs, I've experienced a good deal of second class treatment from other PoCs. Asians, and South Americans are the guiltiest of this. There is always that mad, dog-like desire and reverence for blonde-hair and blue/green eyes. It's something I don't understand. These guys will go out with the dullest blonde-haired, blue-eyed men and every relationship with "their type" ends up crashing and burning. One would think they'd pick up on a pattern here...

I honestly think PoCs need a good dose of pride, self-worth and self-respect. I used to find Asian men very attractive at a point, but in my few experiences, I've noticed that they do not have any sexual agency or appeal whatsoever. On top of that, they are awfully needy, and deferring which is a turn off to me. Furthermore, I am a person who values multiculturalism, free and critical thought, individualism - values which are at odds with values professed by collective cultures. I am wary of dating Asians - not for how they look, but their personalities.

I love South American men (I look like one - get mistaken for Brazilian quite often), but I find Latinos to be too status-conscious, and for them white = high status.

My friends always say that they see me with a white man, when the dust settles.

R55, I feel your pain. My partner and I are unable to find any sane gay couples. It's literally impossible. We look everywhere like the gym, the clubs, the glory holes, swinger parties, popper parties, personal ads on Craigslist, grindr, tinder...I mean, it's just impossible. I don't think sane gay couples exist.

My preference is South Asian, Hispanic, Asian or white. Pretty much in that order. I like short guys (less than 5'10"). The deal breakers are being tall, having long hair, not being employed and not having a drivers license and car. After reading the other thread, I have to add biologically male, with a penis, and testicles. I'm white, 5'7", have a dick and two balls.

Have you tried Datalounge R60?

R59 Are there no people of Canadian born people of Asian ancestry? I ask because all the Asian Americans I know are pretty much the same as white Americans, with some variations on food and holiday traditions. The emigrants are culturally different.

R63, there are, but (at least in the city I live in), minorities tend to stick to each other, within their own groups. This trend is amplified with people of Asian ancestry for whatever reason. But typically, a white Canadian's inner circle is all-white, an (East) Indian's group is all East Indian, etc. I've noticed that in the "young professional" demographic, this pattern is breaking. However, even in this instance, Asians tend to flock together compared to other groups (for example, all Cantonese-Canadians versus a group of Ismaili African-Indians who have white Canadians, blacks, East-Indian-Canadians in their group).

People are perfectly friendly, but breaching the inner circle (and often, dating is very much an inner-circle matter) is a wholly different beast.

'NO BLACKS' IS NOT A SEXUAL PREFERENCE. IT'S RACISM;

By Samantha Allan, The Daily Beast, September 9, 2015

The debate around ‘sexual racism’ is particularly heated within the gay community. Some call it preference, others call it prejudice.

“Please don’t think this is racist but…”

That was the disclaimer that an Asian man sent to Rokashi Edwards, 25, a black programmer living in Toronto, before telling him that he would never consider having sex with a black man. Shocked, Edwards tried to push back on the man’s claim that he wasn’t being racist but he ran up against the same obstacle that many gay men of color face in the world of online dating.

“It’s just a preference,” he was told.

The conversation could go no further.

If you’re a gay man, phrases like “no blacks” and “no Asians” aren’t just words that you’d find on old signs in a civil rights museum, they are an unavoidable and current feature of your online dating experience. On gay dating apps like Grindr and Scruff, some men post blunt and often offensive disclaimers on their profiles such as “no oldies,” “no fems,” and “no fatties.” Among the most ubiquitous are racial disclaimers like “no blacks” and “no Asians,” which are most frequently posted by white men but, as Edwards’s case proves, not always.

Sometimes, men even use foods as metaphors for entire ethnic groups: “No rice” to deter Asian men, “no spice” to keep the Latinos away, and “no curry” to tell Indians they don’t have a shot.

Those who deploy these disclaimers defend themselves from accusations of “racism” by claiming that they merely have “preferences” for certain races over others. Wrote one gay blogger, “Don’t tell me I can’t have a preference! I don’t want to have sex with women. No hard feelings. Does that make me a misogynist?” Others have argued that it is impossible to separate the language of so-called sexual racism from racism in other spheres of life. There is a reason, they insist, that men of color are most often pushed to the sexual wayside. “No whites” is a much less popular slogan.

Debates around “sexual racism,” as researchers have labeled it, are particularly heated within the gay community, although it is certainly a source of controversy in heterosexual circles as well. It is also an argument that could soon be settled by emerging sociological research.

A new Australian study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior entitled “Is Sexual Racism Really Racism?” suggests that the answer to that question is probably “yes.” Sex researchers Denton Callander, Christy Newman, and Martin Holt asked over 2,000 gay and bisexual Australian men how they felt about race and dating through an online survey. These men also completed a region-specific version of the Quick Discrimination Index (QDI), a standard survey instrument that measures attitudes on race and diversity.

After putting these two data sets together, the trend was clear: “Sexual racism… is closely associated with generic racist attitudes, which challenges the idea of racial attraction as solely a matter of personal preference.”

CONT. AT DAILY BEAST....

R59, as an Asian guy myself, I agree with what you say about the average Asian gay man in Western society.

But let me tell you my personal experience, I'm not the deferent type, am very individualistic, and in fact have been told that I'm a little distant as opposed to needy. My personal preference is for South Asians (I'm East Asian) and Middle Easterners, and generally swarthy Caucasian looks. When I've dated, things have generally fallen apart, because people who wanted to date me assume based on my race and my boyish appearance that I would be deferent, and lost interest when they realized I would not be submissive enough, sexually or socially.

So how much of that behavior is learned? I think society tells gay Asian men that they can only be appealing to a niche group that looks for certain personality traits (submissiveness being key), and so these men consciously or subconsciously adopt those traits. It's not so different from how even naturally soft and effeminate gay boys eventually realize that they have to look masc and straight-acting to optimize their dating chances.

Heres the plain , unvarnished truth R66. Nobody wants to sleep with Asian men because their dicks are tiny. Period. It has nothing to do with skin color,or looks,or cultural differences . Its the tiny meat. Sorry Hun.

Sounds practical. We all know nobody gets hard for fatties, fems or little-dicked Asians. Let's be honest, those three options just aren't in the party scene cards.

Gimme a beer belly, a limp wrist, or tiny meat any day over the sort of douchebags @ R67 or R68

i love how some of those pic-less profiles always crying out that type of shit turn out to be fugs

It is absolutely, 100% racism R34. You're a racist. Own it.

I'm an attractive guy. I'm not tiny, I weigh 200 pounds I've been told I have a "dad bod" and I have a lot of body hair.

I recognize I'm not everyone's type, everyone isn't my type.

In my neighborhood there are a lot of SJW types who mock the "no fats/no femmes" attitude in their profile. There's a bunch of guys who have statements like "don't care about your six pack, care about your intelligence," or "looking for a smart nice guy," or "looking for a stoner friend," etc.

And you know what? Those guys don't answer me either.

So on some levels, the guys that have the exclusionary statements are at least more up front.

R72, are you liking for guys that look like you are or you looking for hot guys?

Whenever I read comments on here from guys who are slightly overweight I want to rip out my eyeballs. I *WISH* that was the problem with the guys contacting me - because I love beefy guys - but it's not. They're simply butt UGLY. I re-joined Scruff last night after being away from it for a year, and was greeted by a screen full of gorgeous men. I got one message so far, from the ugliest guy I've seen in quite a while. And I'm sorry, I am far from ugly, I know I'm not gorgeous, but I'm a decent looking guy. Has it gotten harder in the last year or two to meet guys on these apps? Everyone is getting extremely picky it seems to me.

Also, I sometimes think people's focus on their own characteristics like weight, age, race etc, is just a way of avoiding the "ugly" truth.

R34 chats with someone who doesn't looks asian, makes a connection, and then bails when he realises the guy is asian regardless of how he looks. That's literally the definition of racism. Making a pre-judgment based on categories rather than who the person is. It's far more racist than the guy who just says, I don't like features typical to this race.

I usually just say Whites only.

R75 has a reading disorder.

The problem with any of these "no Asians. blacks etc" statements is not that people have preferences - some, perhaps genetic; most because of upbringing and social and media exposure to people of different races. No, that's not the problem. The problem is that somehow the worst (whatever that means in the eye of the beholder) qualities of a handful of men end up representing their entire race/ethnic group. When you say "no Asians" you're suggesting that all men of Asian origin have the exact same characteristics. But most people would never do that with white people. If you met a couple of white guys who were unattractive or you slept with a white guy who wasn't good in bed or who wasn't hung, you wouldn't assume those 3 or 4 guys represented ALL white people. So, why does it make sense to do the same with Asians, blacks or any other minority? I'm not talking about social justice and what's "right", but simply about the logic of that decision to insist that there is no diversity within different ethnic groups. Why limit yourself from hot guys of racial minorities? No one's saying you have to find all Asian men attractive, but it seems kinda dumb to cut yourself from hot Asian guys because you've met/seen a few a duds.

R78 would have to have a ball gag inserted before you fucked him.

Oh, fun! Let's do this, R78. I've always wanted to try that. It reminds me of this one time in St. Olaf.....

And, I messed it up. What a DL failure. That^ post should have been directed to R79. Alright, I'll put a ball in it.

R75, To clarify - The guy sent pics that deliberately had his face blurred and from odd angles and wasted 30 minutes of my time...knowing that guys aren't into asians. When he said "I'm asian- is that ok" and sent his ACTUAL face, I wasn't interested.

The same happens with white people all the time. They have their "main" pic to get a attention, from 5 years ago in good lighting - and then if you find a link to their instagram or ask for more pics, they are often not attractive.

With regard to "racism", you should really focus on what is important:

Would I hire an Asian person? Yes Would I donate to an Asian charity / relief for crisis in Asia? Yes (I have) Would I treat Asian people the same way as everyone else? Yes, if not better...since I grew up with more of them than the average white person.

Would I have sex with one? Irrelevant. That is not racism. The above 3 questions are what actually matter.

...and it's because I don't put shit like "no asians" in my profile that this happens. Too many people are "offended" by that wording, so I avoid it.

I love it when white people lecture everyone else on what racism is or isn't. It's THE BEST.

Well they would know, R84.

(That's a joke, btw)

Ok so true story.

I communicate with a guy, he sends me pictures of an average looking white dude.

When I arrive he the lights are low but it's clear he's a short fat Asian guy.

Am I racist for leaving?

Come on, R86, your far-fetched hypotheticals do not excuse more overt forms of racism. I know you know the answer to this already, but I'll play along. No, of course you're not racist. The guy is catfishing and engaging in deceitful behavior - not to mention - semi-stealing someone else's identity. You'd be a fool to stay in that situation.

R86, would you also leave if it were a short fat white guy that looks different from the white guy whose picture were sent you? If not, why?

[quote] [R86], would you also leave if it were a short fat white guy that looks different from the white guy whose picture were sent you? If not, why?

No because he wouldn't smell like wontons.

R84 / R85 - Not being willing to fuck someone is not racism. That's a "lecture by a white person" to you? Get your fucking priorities straight.

It's not racist, but it isn't "not racist" either. Somewhere in between.

Luckily, I'm not a snow queen so I don't have this problem. Poor snow queens.

I was joking, R90. Even so, that's precisely what a lecture is.

And it isn't even about sex, like R39 said upthread, if you (not you specifically) at least put what exactly you ARE looking for, you could assuage your non-guilt about rejecting the undesirables. People who use these statements either don't know what they want or they're baiting the sort of response they get from rejected snow queens, or illiterate queens.

[quote]but most guys simply aren't attracted to their fem, mincing ways

God help me but I couldn't stop laughing after reading this.

If you put "no asians" or "no blacks" in your profile, someone will screen shot it and send it to websites like this.

So, do it at your own risk.

This one has nothing about race, but it manages to be worse

What's up with douchebaggy guys furrowing their brows in pics all the time? They're going to need Botox before they hit 30.

Cuz It's so masc.

What's bad about it R95? He's not interested in unattractive guys. And, neither are unattractive guys.

Everyone is entitled to preferences for sure, I discriminate in my own ways as well online (not because of race or ethnicity though) but I never but it on the bio. I'd rather just ignore. Some people tell me thats worse but there is a lot of ignoring on those apps/sites anyways. I'd rather not blow somebodies self esteem by adding those kinds of statements.

If you instead say "I'm into White guys". Is that racist?

I see that all the time. Who cares.

Yes, let's judge what people say on a gross hook up app.

I think quite a few guys would not reject a feminine gay guy of his ways give the impression of being natural and balanced. It is the exaggeration, the need to fit in the stereotype that turns guys off. Overly flamboyant or camp guys confuse the average gay guy because the axaggerated display of femininty is perceived as either someone emotinally/psychologically unstable or as someone who actually might be desiring to be a woman or be treated like one which, in a way, contradicts the very meaning of being homosexual because homosexual men want and lust after men; not women or the impersonation of a woman.

Femininity is a spectruum so not all forms of femininity are unattractive to some gay guys.

It's not really a good feeling, that's for sure. I happen to be Asian and rather effeminate. It's not an affectation, I've always been like that. Growing up in Texas, I already got a lot of flak for the way I was, so having your own supposed group look down upon you is a bit of a blow. But to each their own, everyone has preferences, I guess.

Will anyone have a problem with it if I say "No Frankie Grandes?"

Most of our behaviour is learnt. Masculinity and femininity are not acquired as you acquire knowledge in school sitting and hearing the teacher; no, not like that; it is by means of interactions.

And it is not like you have to masculinize yourself in order to attract men; there is eventually someone for anybody, one just have to be as natural as possible.

hooking up isn't for the sensitive.

I find ironic that if an Asian man doesn't find a white man attractive that's okay, but if a white man doesn't find a Asian man attractive it's racism.

No baldies too.

They are just personal preferences. You can't make someone love an asian if asian is not his thang.

It is because, historically, European caucasians have exerted power over people of other ethnicities or have shown greater degree of racism.

No blacks too

We don't hear no Latinos though. I guess they are grouped as whites

Latinos is not a race or ethicity. Refrain from labelling people with fake terminilogy.

"Big dick required to enter"

[quote]I find ironic that if an Asian man doesn't find a white man attractive that's okay, but if a white man doesn't find a Asian man attractive it's racism.

R108 - Ask your mommy if you can come over after school and we'll carefully and ever so slowly explain the difference between individual acts of racism and systemic and institutional racism.

Racism is racism "individual" or "systemic/ insitutional". Is it hard to comprehend that it's not only a"white" thing?

R112 Latino is a gay category, get with it.

It's hurtful but efficient. No one's under any obligation to be attracted to anyone other than who they are attracted to. If they want to keep it narrow from the beginning that is their choice.

A gay Asian friend of mine, who is a top, said he tried hooking up with a white guy once who didn't believe he was a top just because he was Asian.

Both rude AND practical, OP. Slightly bad, since I'm the first category, but there is something refreshing about STATING ONE'S BOUNDARIES (oh, wait - that's lesbians, right??)

You do realize, one can cut through all this by "paying for it"? Practical itself.

It lacks a sense of romance.

You can't SAY what your preferences are...but the cold, hard fact is fats, femmes, asians and blacks will have a harder time getting into the pants of a white, masculine, and ripped guy. People like an ideal. And a fat, nellie racial minority will never be the ideal in our lifetime. So butch it up, get the gym, and do your best, Asians and blacks. You will always be a "specialty item".

It not fair, but it's life.

I love a good fat, femme, Pacific Islander

Gay Asians usually always date outside their race especially white guys, and don't date other Asians.

But in Japan bodybuilding tends to be associated with homosexuality and there's great physical culture among japanese homosexual men. Would they not date a sexy muscular japanese man?

On the other hand, femininity among men is more promoted for heterosexual men because Japanese women tend to fetishise more delicate men, they make them feel less threatened.

If fats/fems/old/bald/asians/blacks etc. truly thought themselves desirable then they would date each other. But they don't, since they are superficial racists who just want hot young white guys, and are frustrated that this lust is not reciprocated.

Fat, fem, and Asian!

What are our only examples of interaction with the sex we are attracted to that we grow up seeing around us? WOMEN.

We learn from women because there are't any examples of true homosexual interaction between men, no mentor to teach us what other homosexual men like about men that we can learn from.

I laugh, because I imagine a lot of these guys are fat, or definitely overweight, and probably feminine, although they wouldn't think so. It's the same with guys who describe themselves as GL or VGL, and you meet them and they're not even average looking, but their perception is their reality.

I love how r6 "99% of gay men" think they're masculine.

But attraction ISN'T a choice, r117.

People need to understand that this kind of racism is subconscious and forgiveable because nobody is entitled to somebody else's affection, and attraction shouldn't be forced.

But the subconsciously racist don't have to be dicks about it. Don't make it worse by declaring racist policies. They also need to take a good look at more Asians, blacks, etc.

Not all gay men are bottoms, r67!!!

You don't know how desperately I want to find an Asian muscleboy who will bottom for me. I could care less about their dick sizes.

I've struck out with three Asian muscleboys I met through Grindr because all of them were tops.

Now stop thinking cock is all that matters and tell your people to OPEN DAT ASS!

BS, r110. Every group is racist and chauvinistic.

It has to do with very primitive, tribal associations.

Asians actually from Asia are some of the most viciously racist people on the planet.

Whatevah Mister Bossypants I think I will have another Avocado shake.

I think something similar happens with heterosexual men on their dating apps except I don't think they would exclude Asian women because Asian women are universally deemed as super feminine whoch obviously attracts heterosexual men and they also happen to be generally thin.

Actually, R135, I opine that hetero guys who like "asian" women like them because they look child-like, and they look somewhat androgynous. I invite you to write the conclusions yourself.

[quote] You don't know how desperately I want to find an Asian muscleboy who will bottom for me. I could care less about their dick sizes.

Perhaps if you couldn't care less, things might change.

Attraction is somewhat a choice, R131. You can't turn your attraction on-and-off at will, but what you find attractive has a lot to do with what types you were exposed to growing up, and who you have sex with now. Preferences are self-reinforcing if you don't move outside them.

I was raised in a sheltered and all-white environment. I had no sexual experience with non-whites until I was in my late 20s, and then it was with Mexicans. At first I felt odd, but it was (and is) good sex and now I have no qualms about Mexicans and other latinos. Same with Asians. I've been with a few, and it has been okay (strangely, often bad sex/hygiene issues). My last frontier was blacks. The first black guy I got with, I was 40. It was not a racist thing; I just didn't know any blacks to have sex with them, although I socialized with a couple. One of them wanted to have sex with me but I got a crazy/stalker vibe from him and politely declined.

Anyway, we had a great time, one of the best fucks I ever had. AAs find me odd because my very white appearance and conservative manner make me appear to be a cracker, so I usually have to share with them my culture in order to get them to warm up. A few months later I met another black guy and had sex with him too. Also great. A black guy on a dating app was surprised that I hit him up a few weeks ago. "White guys never talk to me," he said. We not only talked, I fucked him. Hard. Terrific time.

My issues with guys now have to do with their behavior and hygiene. There are still far too many men out there who cannot bathe to save their lives. Dirty asses and bad breath and smelly skin is all too common. And TBH I still don't find obese guys attractive unless they're also simultaneously muscular.

Summary : In order to broaden your horizons, I recommend being very friendly and having sex with different types of guys.

Only I should be allowed to have personal preferences.

As a guy who is somewhere in the middle I find it dishonest criticising gay guys for liking masculine behaviour more because most of us are naturally progrmamed (so to speak) to like body language, oral expression, etc that we naturally find it masculine, it's not something you have control over or that you have choose not to like. I think this is pretty much determined by sexual orientation to some extent for both clans, masculine gays and feminine gays.

I don't use any of these apps, but analysing it from outside, I think this contreversy stems from the fact that most feminine fact are looking for masculine gay men; not other feminine men. Am I right?

Correcting my post above:

1. ...that you can choose not to like.

2. feminine guys.

I'm just glad I'm white.

It let's me know what types of guys the poster is not interested in. Saves everyone a lot of time.

It is both rude and practical - and also a leading indicator of a person who lacks sufficient interpersonal skills to communicate well and is likely extremely self-absorbed and concerned about getting off without regard for your wants and needs.

Everyone has his own desires, tastes, and preferences. People are also entitled to select sex partners for any reason they want.

However, there is an underlying attitude behind the practicality and willingness to flout societal norms about what is acceptable behavior. How often do you find people who are picky about only one thing? How often are people bossy or selfish/self-absorbed in only one area of their lives?

Additionally, when people have laundry lists of what is and is not acceptable to them or have very precise specifications (albeit perhaps not a long list, just tediously specific), there's usually an iceberg under that list that one will ever satisfy.

I wonder how many of the "no fats, feemes, asians" guys would turn down Asian Hideo Muraoka.

R144

So you are asking if people not into Asians would consider a model... who looks like he is 7/8ths white and 1/8th Asian? Um. Yeah. I hope you mean that rhetorically.

Just because a certain look or culture doesn't appeal DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE RACIST. Stop looking for injustices everywhere SJWs.

I'm glad when I see it....easy for me to avoid them.

I'd rather not be near them, then meet up, and realize that they hold beliefs that strongly contradict my own.

I never tell them

the problem with asian guys is they have asian mothers----------those bitches be mean!!!!

Um what?

[quote]Just because a certain look or culture doesn't appeal DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE RACIST. Stop looking for injustices everywhere SJWs.

r145, it's ridiculous that this is what you got from my post which focused more on the tediousness of some people.

I am the first person who will select partners based on my own particular tastes. Nor do I demand that other people have as broad tastes as I do.

My point was that in today's society, it is generally no acceptable to espouse certain prejudices (specifically due to SJW idiot mentality). Therefore, people who are so willing to do so are expressing leading indicator behaviors for other behaviors which have not been stated (tip of the iceberg) which are equally unpleasant and would result in an unpleasant experience for some people. For example, some people don't mind having sex with someone who is only concerned with their own orgasm, and others would find it unsatisfying.

Finally, the point of using a model (irrespective of his racial mix content) was to illustrate the point, not that there are good looking people of all races and so they are missing out. Rather, it was to suggest the tediousness of dealing with people whose pickiness is an ever-moving line. It's like going out to dinner with people who won't eat certain foods unless they're prepared a specific way and become children when not accommodated.

[quote]So you are asking if people not into Asians would consider a model... who looks like he is 7/8ths white and 1/8th Asian?

Oh, and by the way...he's half Japanese, not the mostly white as you've suggested.

The femmes vs mascs clash deserves its own thread because it is a topic in and of itself.

Hmmmm

I am fat and femme .... it's painful.

[quote] He turned out to be controlling, bossy, and abusive once we got serious. In the 15 campaigns since, I have noticed those traits manifest in the flaming queens I have either tried to get close to or observed in relationships with friends.

"Campaigns"? As if dating is like a wartime "campaign"?

I had a friend who was half Japanese and he insisted he was Portugese. He was the only one who ever brought it up. It was a little sad, to go through life hating part of your existance. He also didn't like that he was Gay, either, so he was a mess.

I always thought that black men were highly sought after by the gays. At least here in Germany it's like that. Then again, we don't have that many people of color living here....

Here is Barcelona one sister issued this warning on her Gay Romeo personal page: "No Circumcisos"!

I've never dated anyone femme. I have no interest in anything remotely female.

Anything fishlike or childlike -in other words anything unmanly - is physically repulsive to a sister.

When I read that, I picture two Ken dolls rubbing their dick-less crotches against each other.

interesting timing on that bump, r161. Are you someone in the know at grindr?

I've suffered both when I was heavy and light as I am now. I actually had someone tell me I wasn't chubby enough for his tastes. Interesting.

I hate it!