The Girls Who Use Grindr

CONT.

She also said some men have messaged her, annoyed by her profile, but they've been mostly understanding after she explained that her intentions are true. "I'll be like, 'Uhh, listen man, gender and sexuality are super complicated. I'm not on here to find, like, a gay best friend. I'm not on here for any reason other than I like what you like.' And they'll be like, 'OK, I'm sorry.'" She also gets a lot of supportive messages: In a folder of screenshots she shared with us, there are several pictures of Grindr users messaging her, saying things like "I appreciate your lifestyle," "Don't worry about trying to label yourself as one thing or another," and "I liiiiiveeee for u !!!"

When we first spoke with Adriana, we considered her somewhat of an anomaly. There has been limited coverage of women using Grindr, but most of it focuses on clueless straight girls looking for "gay best friends." We shared some of Adriana's quotes and screenshots in our Slack chat, an internal online group chat, and one of our straight female co-workers—let's call her Liza—said she had used Grindr as well.

Her reason for downloading Grindr was far less sexy than Adriana's: Her friend, who is gay, was planning on writing an anthropology dissertation on the app. One day, Liza decided to create her own Grindr account with him. According to her, she was fascinated by the "geolocation aspect" because she had studied geography in college. "[My friend and I] would just both nerd out, looking at it through anthropology and geography," Liza said. "You just forget what you are and what you're doing. It was a little bit taboo, because I was in a space I wasn't supposed to be in."

"Basically, I came for a study on the despacialization of cruising, stayed for the hot pics," she added.

Some straight girls, however, make Grindr accounts for decidedly less academic purposes. As the San Francisco Examiner reported last year, some women create Grindr accounts to "experience 'gay for play,'" catfishing men with fake shirtless photos in order to explore the "relaxed norms of queer male culture." For some women, the article states, making a fake Grindr profile is alluring for two reasons: It's taboo because it can never result in a real-life meet-up, and and most importantly, gay sex apps are much more straight-forward (no pun intended) than heterosexual dating apps.

"I was getting something from it as much as I wouldn't want to admit," Liza explained. "It's so much more satisfying for me flipping through Grindr. It's a bigger turn-on than looking at—good god—Tinder."

Where heterosexual couples tend to use the pretense of a date even though they downloaded Tinder to hook up, Grindr lacks subtext. (Adriana called the interactions on the app "so transactional.") Men on Grindr tend to be extremely forthright: Typically, they message one another, describe what they're into—top or bottom or vers, whether they're into oral and/or rimming—and then send photos, followed by geolocations and the arranging of a hookup.

In Bushwick and other Brooklyn neighborhoods filled with liberal arts graduates indoctrinated in the cult of social constructionism, many gay men expect to find women's profiles on Grindr. A 24-year-old copyeditor—we'll call him Craig—says he regularly sees girls' profiles. The girls are as much a part of his life as gay sex apps. He casually checks his Grindr and other sex apps, like Scruff, whenever browsing his more PG aps (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat), but only hooks up with guys a few times a month. (He prefers Scruff.) Although Craig identifies as gay, he does pursue women who message him in the rare situation where he finds himself attracted to them. He believes that being surprised by Grindr girls is odd.

CONT. 2

"I don't know if it's as cut-and-dry as 'Grindr and Scruff are gay male spaces,'" Craig explains. "Most of the girls I've chatted with on there have been bi or trans, and I'm not offended by Grindr/Scruff serving as a place for all types of LGBT people to hook up—especially because I know similar hookup apps targeted toward women have been failures to launch."

Craig's observations point to a larger phenomenon: Women turning to gay male sex culture for a form of sexual release. In the last five years, women have bought tons of gay male erotica. According to Crackdoubt, the former head of marketing for a leading publisher of LGBT romance/erotica in New Jersey, male/male (or m/m) erotica attracts readers of all ages, but women primarily write and read the content.

"Even Grandma loves the gays!" Crackdoubt said. "Many women recognize that if one naked man sounds good, two could only be better. In other words—it's hot!!"

Crackdoubt pointed to larger sociological reasons behind women's interest in gay erotica. M/M romance, she said, defies stereotypes perpetuated in heterosexual erotica and romance novels. She explained, "M/M romance is able to break down a lot of the tropes and stereotypical gender roles fed to us in the mainstream—Alpha Males, for example, or Sexy Loner Bad Guys—and explore the sexuality of male characters more thoroughly."

These more complicated motivations have coincided with teenage girls watching gay porn and running gay sex Tumblrs. And, as we've previously reported, teens said they love gay porn because, unlike much straight porn, gay sex doesn't mistreat women."I like seeing people receive pleasure," one teen said. "I don't want to think about pain, unless it's the immediately gratifying kind."

For Adriana, her time on Grindr has really shown that gender and sexuality are incredibly complex and difficult to define clearly. "Everything being a spectrum it's like, yo, where I'm at right now is like I fancy myself a gay man," she said.

Americans have perceived gay culture as for and by gay men, but recent trends show gay culture serves many groups, and the definition of gay culture and even the gay sexual identity is more complicated than previously perceived. For the most part, gay men have welcomed women's interest in watching and participating in gay sex. As Craig says, "Not all the guys who use these hookup apps are exclusively homosexual, so it's not like there isn't a place for women [on Grindr], yanno?"

Kinda fascinating, kids do experiment and all that and I've always wondered if girls who thought two guys were hot would be fun.

Plus, we've learned from DL that Queer As Folks audience is mostly female, particularly the ones who come on here to stalk and crush on its stars

Sarah Lawrence grad doing her school proud.

R3 So it's fascinating to have obsessive stalkers with a voyeuristic penchant take up room in what is explicitly a gay male space?

I have no problem with vagina on a gay space, causing for the bi's and downlows. Her description of the two guys she meets is sufficient to decide I wouldn't want them, so she's not exactly competition.

cruising..... not causing

Adrianna sounds absolutely insufferable.

R5 - Oh lord, not at all. I meant the fact that women who are cool with gay men are on Grindr and many men are cool with it was fascinating

The crazy fan fraus are indeed a pox on DL and should be basted, battered and consumed in a grease fire. Or at the very least banned.

She sounds like a moron . Don't buy her Sarah Laurence degree.

This is an Onion article, right?

I'm glad I'm old. Kids today are all kinds of fucked up idiots.

She has a large chin.

R12, it's a tiny percent of women who are doing this. Just look at all fake female profiles on Ashley Madison

I think it is cool. If she was trying to find a gay friend I'd say fuck off, but she is into queer boys and looking to fool around. That is fine with me.

It's ridiculous actually and the exact sort of thing that many gay men complain about.

First the fraus invade our bars, then the trans invade bath houses demanding to be adored.

Now the gal pals are taking our tricks.

Enough.

(X) BLOCK (X)

This is just further proof that women are incapable of realizing that there are spaces where they don't belong. If an app billed as "the world's leading social app exclusively for gay, bi, and curious men" still has women thinking that maybe this is something that they should use, then there's no hope for them.

[quote]it's a tiny percent of women who are doing this

Supposing that's true, this is still too bad.

A tiny percentage of men are gay. So even if it's just "a tiny percentage of women" who're doing this, they can still cause A LOT of inconvenience to the legitimate users of gay apps.

R19

I've noticed that, too. The women who're the most vocal about the need of female-only areas, are the same ones who will say gay men have no need to come up with spaces for ourselves, that only "misogyny" explains the existence of such spaces.

[quote]This is just further proof that women are incapable of realizing that there are spaces where they don't belong. If an app billed as "the world's leading social app exclusively for gay, bi, and curious men" still has women thinking that maybe this is something that they should use, then there's no hope for them.

Obviously the bi and curious guys on the app will find these women interesting. The thing I found offensive in the article was the asshole who hooks up with these women but still identifies as gay, not bisexual. If the situation were reversed and it was a 'straight' guy hooking up with men there would be an outcry that the guy is actually bi.

[quote]Sarah Lawrence grad doing her school proud.

"Cause I'm queer and, you know, I'm into that shit."

That was money well spent. Her parents must be thrilled! Unless of course this whole thing is to piss off Daddy.

R21

[quote]Obviously the bi and curious guys on the app will find these women interesting

Obviously nothing. If these men are using a gay male app, it's not because they're in the mood to smell stinkfish.

You're a woman yourself using a gay male website, so I understand the disgust hits a bit close to home.

Gays seldom are kinder

To girls who use Grindr

bump

Hope the girls have plenty of condoms, spermicide, and good jaw muscles.

Someone needs to come up with "Vagrindr."

[quote] Most of the girls I've chatted with on there have been bi or trans, and I'm not offended by Grindr/Scruff serving as a place for all types of LGBT people to hook up

[bold] Absolutely not! [/bold] Grindr is for men into having gay sex with other men, not for LBTIA women of any orientation. Stay the f-k away!

How long before these chicks start complaining about feeling sexually harassed, being triggered, and demanding that Grindr become a more "safe space" for them, because they are being eye-raped by all of the overt gay male sexuality?

Dear God, women are detestable.

Well, not all women, but these chicks certainly are.

Annoying.

Pathetic!

they are cunting cunts

[quote]This is just further proof that women are incapable of realizing that there are spaces where they don't belong.

No, it's just an unending need for male attention. The fact is women get tons of hits on straight dating sites like Tinder and OKCupid, but it's never enough. She needs validation from "bi' men too.

Y'all chicks can have bi's, I insist.

She's not just interested in bi men. She talks about feeling like a gay man herself. It's ridiculous and as many others have already stated its a purposeful effort to invade men only spaces. Christ, what next?

She's been blocked several times but still goes back and assumingly creates different profiles. I don't get this - and the stupid 2000's speak about gender and sexuality being so complicated is a bunch of bullshit from people in their late teens and early 20's that are experimenting. Yes, it may be complicated for you for a few years - but it's not complicated for the rest of us.

R29's scenario is actually highly likely. Like when the Abbey (gay West Hollywood bar) became mostly straight, and all of a sudden management had to worry about straight people problems (people fighting at the bar, women complaining of sexual harassment). Ugh, what a nightmare.

Queer theorists are invading BOTH male-only and female-only space. Let's start fighting them and stop fighting each other.

Nobody but gay men or men who have sex with men should be on Grindr

This is just further proof that women are incapable of realizing that there are spaces where they don't belong".

Oh, please, like there are no men trolling lesbians.

You can create a thread about that then, R42. This one is to discuss annoying women on Grindr.

[quote] This is just further proof that women are incapable of realizing that there are spaces where they don't belong

Besides Grindr, other such places include the voting booth, the boardroom, and the driver’s seat.

Women give me, a gay man, dirty looks when I go to the Nail Salon for a pedicure, so they can fuck off about the criticism for invading our spaces.

R19 Yeah, cause there's no men on lesbian dating apps like Her or men pretending to be women and contacting lesbians on Tinder, OKC, etc.