The worst insult/way to hurt someone.

Is this what used textbook sales does to a person?

If someone is really nice to you all the time, pretends to be your friend and then out of the blue and for no reason just drops you like a hot potato. That's more painful than if there was an argument before.

That is sad.

Come on, everyone. Let's ignore the OP and see if she's right.

Personally I think shoving a frozen dog turd up a cooter and sewing it shut is worse than ignoring someone.

Maybe in the old days, it might have been upsetting. Now, I just conclude people are so caught up in their little bubbles, engulfed by technology, focused on themselves...and as one poster said on another thread:"You have more reason to fear people who are not in jail and running around in public."

If they can't be bothered staying in touch, they're not worth the time or effort.

Nobody here agrees with you because it's how they treat almost everybody. They think it is being polite, instead of saying what you really think, which wouldn't be well received or allow opportunities for that other person to tell you off.

The truth, of course, is that it depends. It would hurt someone who is needy. It wouldn't hurt someone who is a loner to begin with. As for "hurting a narcissist," well that's just stupid. Narcissists would be annoyed and get their fix elsewhere. But they wouldn't be "hurt" by it. Their minds couldn't process anything that would hurt them. There is also a diminishing return. The shock of not being responded to might hurt at first, but if the condition lasts, who would even remember what it was about? As a "social weapon" it can only be used in moderation.

Nothing hurts forever, R6, but if you really cared for someone and believed that he had cared for you and he ignored you, that would hurt, unless there is something wrong with you.

Examples: You have an argument with your partner and you stop replying and never do so again. Wouldn't that be worse than a rant filled insult tirade? Now imagine instead of your partner it was your mother, or another family member you love and are close to.

OP must be Amish, because he / she got it exactly right. Shunning is the way to go.

For me the worst way someone could insult me would be to refuse to buy my used textbooks.

Tell them they're a middle class spaghetti strainer with whom you no longer wish to be associated and that you will be removing their details from your slimline Princess ten number memory forthwith.

You're referring to the pack animal instinct that causes people to involuntarily develop a death wish in response to social isolation. Well, the fact is that this instinct will gradually disappear because civilization has been developing to protect individuals. And certainly even at this early stage different people have less or more of this particular instinct. As gay people, most of us know more about this particular treatment than others. And the response of some is to pre-empt this treatment with aggressive self-isolation. But after awhile the hardest part is not the insult to your person, but to your judgement that you actually liked people of such low character that would do this.

R6 for the truth R11 for the laugh

Ostracism Awareness - Information about ostracism, resources for recovery, support, and encouragement

R2 makes a great point.

I feel for one of those narcissist types who wants EVERYONE to be his friend. I tried to stay away; I got sucked in.

Then, he just dropped me.

I run into him through his work every now and then. It's beyond painful.

Wrong.

Killing them is the worst way to hurt someone.

Ignoring them and moving on with your life is humane.

A book on Ostracism.

R16=violent criminal

Pinoy

I think toying with someone is the worst. If you just ignore them, they will eventually move on unless they are very insecure. If you show up for awhile, then leave, then show up, at irregular intervals, you keep them off guard. They'll never know where or when they'll see you or what you want from them. Cat and mouse. That's emotional torture.

Insults must be tailored to the victim.

Igorning works best on attention whores. They lose their minds.

Public embarrassment works best on shy introverted people.

Those ostracism studies focus on how many victims become aggressive, but none say anything about the perpetrators, let alone investigate their motives/issues.

R22 = ostracized asshole.

I can't see R22, must have him blocked. From what R23 says it was probably a good choice.

R20 & R21 make some valid points.

Ignoring actually IS the worst way to hurt someone. That's why "ghosting" someone is considered the cruelest breakup method. It basically says "I care about u so little, that instead of going back and forth with you, I prefer to never see u or hear your voice again." It takes away all the other person's say in the situation. It's very effective when used properly...or wrongly. I dunno.

Ah, OP. Since this is what I mostly do, I imagine people must feel pretty insulted. As someone who enjoys their "alone" time, it's the best I can do.

The worst way to hurt someone is to ruin her reputation all over town!

State that a white-collar employee not of color is a hard worker.

Betrayal because it hurts the person's ability to trust.

Here's something easier: forgive and forget and move on.

"Here's something easier"

Not.

vicious slap - dramatic flounce combo

To forgive and forget is to waste valuable experience.

Point out their biggest insecurity or failure, in front of others if you can.

Find something that they think you don't know, but you do.

And if they try to call you out on your bitchiness just act aloof and like you don't think it's a big deal.

Damn, I feel so mean for posting this. But I actually did do this to someone once and ONLY once. I don't think I could ever do it again.

Ignoring only works on people with abondment issues. But rejection can really hurt anyone as long as the other person truly loves you.

A long time and very close friend (30+) years becomes distant and rolls out disconnected incoherent justifications after being asked why. Then, nothing. It really hurts because we spent our adult lives together, as 'best' friends.

It feels as if having a friend is a total illusion. Fact is, a control freak walked out of my life.

I've always found that the best way to hurt someone is to be brutally and completely honest with them. So few people do it these days that for many it can come as a shock and not just any kind of honesty but the kind of thing that, like R34 implied, they don't know that you know. Like, "I'm sure you're glad your parents died so you'd have an excuse to be a bitch" kind of honesty.

But that doesn't always work.

I had a former friend tell me he hated me in front of a group of people because, on occasion, I'd "talk down to him." My response was, "Well maybe if you weren't such a fucking idiot I wouldn't have to young man" and then I asked him if he wanted me to write that down in crayon so he could remember it. He literally had nothing to say. Also years ago I had a guy tell me he hated me and found me annoying before walking out of a room full of people we worked with. My response was to say nothing until he exited because I knew that would piss him off more.

Ignoring always leaves the "possibility" that there's some "other" reason why the person isn't speaking with you. Telling them, up front what their issues are can do some deep damage. Maybe not the kind they let you see during the argument, but the kind that they lay in bed at night thinking about because they "know" that you are right.

"Ignoring always leaves the "possibility" that there's some "other" reason why the person isn't speaking with you. "

That sounds logical, but human nature is to internalize it and wonder what you did, why, and what could you have done different.

I reject the premise of the question.

There probably is not 1 ONE worst way to hurt anyone. There are probably a few ways to hurt most anyone. There are probably unique ways to really hurt an individual, based on that individual's mind, needs, and experience.

DUH!

People are such simple thinkers.

And everyone wants binaries. Good bad. Black white.

And listicles. Listicles are NOT THINKING, OP.

R38, it's precisely BECAUSE there are more than one way to hurt someone the "worst" that I ask this of DL where I would read those many ways.

As a great imbecile once said, "duh!"

Grammar, much?

The worst way. That is a superlative, which is usually singular. And you chose the singular "way".

What are some of the worst ways to hurt someone. There, fixed it for you.

Anyway, I stick to my assertion - it's best to do consider the individual victim. If you are insightful and truly Machiavellian and cruel, you may be able to devastate that person. However, many adults have good defence and coping mechanisms, and thus do not let other people hurt them for very long, or very deeply.

hanks R41, I couldn't sleep all last night, as usual.

*Thanks

R36, you are so rigth. I've been brutally honest to a co-worker and she was seriously offended. Bitch, I was only being honest.

Since the only reason she came to work was because she liked to "hang out", she popped out another kid and is now on maternity leave for god knows how long. Reportedly won't be coming back to this department.

During a therapy session, my partner of 11 years told me he just didn't find me attractive anymore. That hurt.

Not so much that he didn't find me attractive. After not having had sex for months leading up to that, and after having been faithful to my partner the whole time we were together, I had run into a neighbor of mine a week earlier. He invited me over for wine and we got drunk and ended up in bed, so I knew at least ONE other person on the planet found me attractive enough to fuck.

What hurt was that he put me through the sham of going to (and paying 50%) for counseling when he had no intention of trying to make the relationship work.

I got over it pretty quickly. I went out the next Saturday and met the man who would be my next LTR (5+ years and counting).

So I guess the answer to the OP's question would be dishonesty is the best way to hurt someone.

Both are true, R45. Dishonesty hurts real people (who, sadly, are in the minorities mefears) while honesty hurst the special snowflakes.

I think the worst way to insult someone is to get them on an elevator and fart. Yesterday I made broccoli soup and ate two hard boiled eggs. My farts were so awful I almost fainted.

I was deeply hurt when the peasants threw tomatoes at my saggy titty 2002 Oscar look.

Ignoring someone leaves open the possibility that your former friend has been the victim of untrue third party gossip or manipulation by a partner or other.

In general, ignoring someone means you expect them to "know" why, and that means you expect them to read your mind, that you are claiming the "normal center." It's the symptom of a weak and narcissistic character who can't think.

Ignoring someone just means that they're out of your life. You don't want them to "know" anything, it doesn't mean anything. They're out. It's like when you cross something out? Problem solved.

[quote]It's the symptom of a weak and narcissistic character who can't think.

In my case, R50, it was about removing a toxic element from my life, for my own health and well-being. I have no more regret over cutting him dead than I would have for removing a cancerous growth. I made sure he knew why, giving him the opportunity to defend himself. He responded by amping up his toxic deceit. Your generalization is inapt.

Why do you want to intentionally hurt someone? It seems counterproductive to a nice life to have hate in your heart for another person. Not trying to be Mother Teresa here, but really? Maybe you need more positive shit in your life.

Waste of energy=hate.

Thoughts? My thought is that you're new to Datalounge, OP.

On the contrary R51, you expect them not to conclude, oh well, he's ignoring me because he's in his cups, or something like that. You have all manner of expectations of someone whom you ignore: that he not judge you, or gossip about you, or interpret your silence as he wishes, that are not likely to be fulfilled by the course taken.

.

My standard response when someone starts giving me the silent treatment? It's to address them only in front of others in a patronizing manner as though they were a five year old. I can't tell you how violently angry that makes these people who supposedly don't care what I think of them.

You introduce yourself and ask if they remember sucking your dick in prison for a pack of Kools.

Tell them they are worse than Rachel Ray.

I think the worst thing you can do to someone is to shame them. This was my parents' way of dealing with things. They made you feel worse. I have had friends who do the same thing and it is a big red flag.

Whatever they're insecure about. Personalize it, and twist the knife.

I was really good at this when I was drinking. Which is why I have no friends now.

R12 Wow, I cannot tell you how many times in my life I’ve experienced group ostracism. It explains why we as gays have higher mental illness. I remember seeing a gay guy in a documentary on gang stalking and realizing that he must of be highly ostracized growing up and as he got older he created this gangstalk scenario to not only explain the misfortune of his life but also because it was comfortable in a Stockholm syndrome sort of way.

Just be nice!

Awwww, R61 :( *hugs*