Under 30 and forever single

PLENTY MORE years for you to be single, OP.

Ain't no thang ...

Nope.

I'm almost 30 and I have never had a serious long-term relationship.

But then if I am going to be honest that is mainly my fault. And I accept that. As much as I tell myself that is want I want, I feel like my actions speak otherwise.

I will always see a guy as too flawed and that there is some reason I shouldn't try to get serious. I will always make excuses about having time for a relationship. I always try to have a large circle of friends so my social life is full without caring about a relationship.

I don't know, I can't speak for why anybody else is single. But honestly, if you are one of those people who are just "always single" there is something YOU are doing to make that be the case.

Now whether you care to change it is another case. Right now, if I am being honest with myself I don't. Maybe one day.

Give me three true friends and a fuckbuddy or two over a LTR any day (and I've had a couple of those).

I dated a lot when I was in my early 20s because I really wanted a LTR. After one particularly nasty breakup, my mom said to me "you know if you're so desperate to be in a relationship, you probably shouldn't be in one."

If it makes you feel better I didn't get into my first real relationship until I was 28 (it lasted a couple years) and then I spent all my 30s in and out of relationships. I've come to the realization, and this might not be popular opinion these days, but gay men - with some exceptions - are just not good at serious monogamous relationships. We're damaged goods in many ways because of our outcast position in society. We spend so much of our lives looking for acceptance from others that it causes us to drift along in our relationships. The truth is most gay guys are single for most of their lives even those who are in relationships because so many of them are open you're really just living with your best friend whom you fuck around with once and while.

R6 I agree with you! Men emotionally mature much slower than women and gay men mature even slower. I've been on my own through choice for almost a decade and you know what I prefer it. There is a freedom to being able to do what you want, when you want. I understand the need for companionship but being in a relationship doesn't always make you feel less alone. Just live your life!

Only for the shallow, OP. And, I suspect you just might be.

Well, you're damaged goods R6. Not gay men. You.

Ya R9, R6 does sound a bit bitter but I don't think he's far off if we're going to be brutally honest.

Well, I'm 36 and fug and I'm not single, so he only speaks for himself.

Some gay men who have mental problems because of their homosexuality tend to blame all gay men for their issues. They project rather than look in the mirror. That is true.

60 and married here but I don't remember my single days well. OP, perhaps you are being spared.

It doesn't, go out and have fun while you're still young.

R8, I don't want to date people about 20 years older than me, say 60 pounds heavier than me (which would make them fat), or are ugly. I want people who think interesting thoughts, and who are entertained by my thoughts. I want people I am comfortable around and find attractive and who can find me attractive. Is that too unrealistic? Apparently it is.

To be honest, I'm not really bothered any more. Sometimes I wonder and think it will be nice to have someone.

R15 It's not unrealistic just REALLY hard to find. I'll give you hope I am 45 and while I had some 'dating relationships,' I didn't get into my first real serious relationship with my current partner until I was 38. I found that in my 20s all my friends and I just dated and fucked around. It was only in mid to late 30s that my friends all started to pair off.

I met my partner by pure chance. My friend and his partner had a house warming party that I didn't want to go to, but I figured I'd pop in see the new place and then leave. I was standing on their patio admiring the view when this very attractive guy walks onto the patio .... long story short we ended up basically ignoring everyone else the whole evening and just talking to each other...and here we are together and mostly happy 8 years later.

I don't know if it comes from being outcasts as R6, because lesbians are outcasts as well and certainly have no problem committing. I just think men in general find it more difficult to commit in demanding relationships (such as a partnership is - friendships are more fluid and require less care).

Seems to me the men who really want to commit (start a family...) tend to look for women. For some reason, they're often bald and not that great-looking. But they lead stable lives.

Actually, there's a guy I work with, 44, gay (or at least gay form space, he may claim that he is not gay - I never asked) and an alcoholic - well his personal life seems like one depressing mess. I'm surprised he can function at all. Anyway. And for some reason he ended up managing the department I work in. That didn't last.

What a fucking Frau thread. Oh dear me, oh woe is me. I'm 30 and still single. I'm an old maid. I will spend the rest of my life alone. No one will ever love me. I have no worth in I'm not paired up. Oh boo hoo hoo hoo, what will become of me?

Not going to speak for other people cos it differs but at the age of 30 I just became resigned and it did sort of become easier due to that. Still painful and sad but way less acutely so.

Yeah, I'm at 50 and I recently just gave up on the entire notion. Holding out hope for the last nearly-40-years was extremely painful. It's just not going to happen for me, so being resigned to the single life and no longer holding out any hope for finding love actually is a relief of sorts.

And fuck R19. Assholes like that are one of the reasons I don't like people much.

Love comes when you're ready to take a chance and put yourself out there, and also when you participate in activities. It helps to have interests.

R21 Perhaps it's your dislike of people that's scared off Prince Charming and his white horse?

R22, and sometimes it doesn't even if you're ready and even if you put yourself out there and even when you participate in activities.

There are no princes on white horses. For anyone. Ever. It's a lie.

I'm 33 and only had one real significant relationship that lasted a year or so. I've had a couple of what I call 'near misses' where I met someone where things seemed to be going in a more dating/relationship kind of direction and for whatever reason they never developed. I spent most of my 20s depressed about being single. Then at some point around the time I hit 30 I made peace with the idea of being single and realized I had spent so much time obsessed with being in a relationship it kind of tuned me out to the amazing people already in my life. I may be alone, but I'm no longer lonely.

R26, I'm nearing 30 and that sounds like the trajectory of my life too.

[quote] I may be alone, but I'm no longer lonely.

This is important. Just because you aren't in a serious romantic relationship does NOT mean you need to be alone. Develop and maintain good friendships in your life.

Not everyone pairs up in life, OP.

It just doesn't work out that way for everyone. This is neither good or bad,

Perform a search of famous and accomplished people who never married. They are legion.

On the bright side, just consider all the shitty aspects of maintaining a relationship you are avoiding.

Let your schadenfreude flag fly free when friends and family share relationship problems with you!

Don't know about you, OP, but when this is all over, I'm majorly lowering my standards.

I didn't fall in love/meet the man I wanted to marry until last year, at 31. Now I know we're going to be little old men annoying the shit out of each other in 50 years. There's no getting rid of him now... be careful what you wish for, haha.

How did you meet/fall in love, R31?

I’m guessing OP is no longer under 30 since this thread is five years old.

Are they a spinster now?

Hang on Op, it will get better...in 2025 when the sex robots will be amazingly life like. Then you will be able to get the perfect man you're looking for.

Yes R34

But the sex robots will be so amazingly lifelike that they have standards, No fats, no fems.

R32, it was random and tragic, and entirely unplanned. The universe blessed (and cursed) us