Woman Arrested For Masturbating With Jimmy Dean Sausage In Walmart Bathroom

She's not a total ho. At least she knew the trick's name. It wasn't just a generic sausage.

The really icky part is that she was going to return the sausage back to the meat shelf.

[quote] Shocked, and also frightened for his safety due to the fact that Johnson is a “big girl,” the 140 pound security guard said he ran out until police arrived. When they did, female officers entered the restroom with Johnson still “putting in work with the sausage.” All in all, it took 7 police officers to restrain Johnson and pry the victimized sausage out of the woman’s hands. She was arrested and taken into custody where she was charged with shoplifting, indecent exposure, and resisting arrest.

I presume they gave the job of extracting the sausage to the poor officer with the lowest seniority

Journalism isn't dying. It committed suicide after clicking on that website.

Another example of toxic femininity running rampant. Yuck.

I sure dodged a bullet!

did they mean this kind in the package still? Because that could cause abrasions.

R7) Ribbed, for her pleasure.

I actually just ate Jimmy Dean sausage biscuits. For the last time.

Ya know they have to bag that sausage as evidence for her trial. Just sayin'.

There is a reason Target shoppers look down on Walmart shoppers.

It's the only ethical use for sausage.

Poor girl - obviously suffering from mental problems...

If they allowed the purchase of sex toys with food stamps, this whole thing wouldn't have had to happen.

[quote] There is a reason Target shoppers look down on Walmart shoppers.

Yeah. Target shoppers take it home and do it.

[quote] Poor girl - obviously suffering from mental problems...

I was thinking the same thing.

Back in my day, this might've made the local paper, in the 'Police Blotter' section, way inside the paper. and it probably would've been something like 'Local Woman arrested for Shoplifting at Wal-Mart' without any of the lurid details. Now it seems like every infraction is immediately splashed all over the world within seconds. I guess she should be grateful there was nobody else in the restroom, or they're would've been a iPhone video of the 'event' all over the web by now.

Just for the record, I never shoved a Jimmy Dean sausage up any orifice, however I am glad all of my youthful indiscretions were years before they invented the Internet.

What's with all the satire threads lately?

Is that really a pic of the perp? My god, the humanity!

Fake, race baiting nonsense.

It's obviously fake, R19, but you're the only one fixated on race.

They use random pictures, the women in the next story looks like a toothless meth addict.

[quote]Woman Shoots Veterinarian After He Refuses To Do Sex Re-Assignment Surgery On Her Dog

Sorry, but R20's linked story is no more absurd than any other recent trans-fascist horror tale of absurdity.

My Eyes!

Divine did this years ago. Look at 1:18 of this compilation of scenes from "Pink Flamingos".

Worse: she later served the sausage to her son for breakfast!

She's obviously a beginner. I've moved way beyond a Jimmy Dean sausage.

Coming at the Walmart, Jimmie Dean, Jimmie Dean!!!!

Oy vey!

Was this the Regular Jimmy Dean's Sausage or the Hot and Spicy variety?

Amateur.

Nope.

This is just click-bait from a fake news site. They mix fake headlines with real ones and make the website look like a local tv news outlet. See snopes link below. Anyway, this Walmart story is pretty believable, given all the weird sh*t that happens there.

just slide it right IN

Shaniqua done wore me OUT!

Wait until PETA gets wind of this, no pun intended.

"Masturbating With Jimmy Dean Sausage In Walmart Bathroom "

Appropriately she did her business in a big bad john.

That is a special ed face if ever there was one.

This couldn't be real - her name is Shaniqua, for god's sake.

Have you even read the 45 responses that this is a fake story, r36?

[quote]The security guard reports when he entered the stall, Johnson was inappropriately pleasing herself with a Jimmy Dean package of sausage.

Did she remove the plastic casing beforehand?

I wonder if the store made her buy that sausage and eat it on the spot in front of them.

The court should sentence her and that guy caught masturbating with mayonnaise at Walmart to live on a small island somewhere.

There is no excuse for posting pictures of the individual who commit these acts. All of them are either under the influence of chemicals or mentally challenged. Most of this is just another way to capture the public's interest and thus sell more advertising, or belittle and minority that can be identified by offender's picture; skin color, eye shape, skinny, fat, bald or any other identifier that might embarrass others with similar markings.

Once again, an example of how the people who used to be locked up in state psychiatric hospitals for their own good and for the good of the public should not be out "in the community."

"Community mental health care" has been one of the biggest swindles in American history.

Who thinks that posting photos of unfortunate looking people and attaching them to fake stories of public masturbation is funny? Are you nine years old?

The Datalounge of 1998 weeps

[quote]The Datalounge of 1998 weeps

Maybe you should build a time machine and go back to 1998 if you love it so much.

[quote] Maybe you should build a time machine and go back to 1998 if you love it so much.

Or, in your case, 2015.

The 2015 Bump Troll now has an official pseudo??

Yes, R46. He's used it for some of his bump for some months now.

What an annoying weirdo.