Excuses for your failures

You've distinguished yourself! Personal accountability and honesty are rare qualities, today.

Are you a reader, OP?

If you are a voracious reader on a myriad of topics that interest you, you are smarter that 3/4ths of America's recent college graduates.

Self-taught people are often the smartest people.

Get some education and lose some weight. You're grown so I don't get the parental issue, move on.

My mother died from cancer. I am the only person this ever happened to.

The Jews

Unfortunately sometimes our parents can do a number on us with their verbal, emotional and/or physical abuse. They, not all, tell their kids they will never amount to anything, they are ugly, overweight, pick your negative choice of words. It has been shown those negative words affect an individual. Deep down, unfortunately, people keep hearing their parents words. It is a tough situation to get out of. I know it sounds hard, but you need to love yourself and get rid of those negative thoughts. I know it sounds cliché, but we need to positively reinforce one another. Just a simple smile and hi to a stranger. Don't beat yourself up OP because of your parents issues.

I don't make excuses, I'm pretty hard on myself. "Why are you so weak?" is the dreaded refrain playing in my head. But I shouldn't be so weak, and I deserve it.

I'll call in drunk.

No excuses. I made my choices. Some have been sound, some stupid and cost me years.

There's a saying, "Some parents raise very good children, but lousy adults." That's my story.

We have to eventually be responsible for ourselves. Not an easy task and often a lifetime of being acutely aware of past messages and conditioning.

Best to you, OP. Keep going. It's worth self liberation. Use any and all resources available.

Get away from negative people. If you're still connected with parents/family that bring you down, just remember this:

They won't live forever. You will be free from them. Better now to cut ties that do you more harm than good.

I'm 6 days sober! I started getting migraines after a year of constant boozing. I was tempted today, but I know it'd just make me feel bloated and I might get the headache again. So thc edibles it is, they're on sale today, Munchies Mondays, at every shop here in Denver. It seems coordinated, but I was assured today it's just that everyone wants to use the Munchies Mondays phrase

Keep going, r10

R10 I'm proud of you. Well, done.

[quote]Deep down, unfortunately, people keep hearing their parents words. It is a tough situation to get out of. I know it sounds hard, but you need to love yourself and get rid of those negative thoughts.

This is me. I'm a college graduate with a good job and I'm seemingly well adjusted, but often times I have a difficult time allowing people into my life because I don't feel I'm worthy - my mother's words are drilled into my head. I ended a relationship with a great guy this summer because of my feelings of inadequacy. The best periods of my life have been the times that I had no interaction with siblings or my mother (my father is great) -- unfortunately, I've been forced to interact with them for the last two years, but I just got a therapist and hope to turn things around again. Next year I plan to move someplace that isn't within driving distance (right now I'm 2.5 hours away, but that is still too close)

Until I was 40 years old, I had NO authentic belief in myself. None. I was deeply depressed and had no idea I was. It prevented me from taking consistent action to advance myself at anything.

I am happy to report I finally changed and even though I am late to a lot of this, I am very happy a lot of the time.

On the surface, my life's pretty depressing, yet it's still easy for me to be upbeat because I'm a stud in waiting. Just get into weightlifting and wait, and I know I'd turn myself on. I'm 6'3, too.

OP - my partner and I just started Atkins induction today. I was already overweight and put on 18 lbs in the last year. I am now 6'2 and 256. Ten years ago I was 6'2 and 196.

Join us if you like.

I thought I was self-motivated. Turns out I'm not.

Apparently co-dependency was not a failing but the very thing that got me as far as I got.

I'm proud of the fact that I never fell for any of that self-help crap. It seems all the happy successful people I know don't read books, or listen to tapes or go to seminars, they just go out and do what they want. Sadly I've let fear control my life and dressed it up as being logical.

I've never had the luxury to blame anyone but myself for my fuck-ups. So I never did.

R14, did you get therapy or did you do it all yourself? I'm inspired by stories of those who've gotten their shit together later in life.

OP, I was in your boat for years, but you can overcome. It takes work, and time, but what do you have to lose?

Therapy helps. I went to a cognitive behavioral therapist who helped me quiet the voices of my parents in my head. The voices are still there, but they are a whisper now, easily ignored, plus my new found confidence is louder! I also can afford therapy when I started so I went to a community sliding scale organization where therapist work to get their hours for a license and saw therapists in training for $10 an hour. They were supervised by experienced therapist so why perhaps not the fastest they were still effective.

I also went back to school part time at a community college in the evenings. Never earned a degree, but it set me on a path to a career whereas before, I just had jobs that I failed at because I hated them.i am many years behind the success my peers have in my field, but heck, I started at 40, where they started at 25, and I'm catching up fast.

Last, and maybe most importantly, I got a dog. The dog taught me unconditional love; which I had no knowledge of from my parents- their love was always conditional and withholding. it also made me more outgoing as I was forced to interact with people who wanted to pet my dog or talk my dog or interact with me in someway about my dog, while on walks, and those walks also caused me to lose some weight. Win/win!!!

You can do it OP, just start small and don't try to change everything at once because that only leads to failure. Good luck!

Misc excuses for my failures -

exhaustion

spinelessness

laziness

disinterestedness

unskillfulness

distractedness

self-sabotage (rarely)

perhaps "disinterest" means the same?

self-importance!

Self-sabotage

Arrogance plus insecurity

Drinking

Lack of goals

Inability to adapt to digital work shift -- this is a big one

I managed to do very well for a long time but the ride is ending.

R20, me too. And I have a lot to blame myself for. I'm pretty shit at being a human. I wish I had been born a slug or something.

I asked my cousin who does very well in real estate if he had any regrets and he immediately answered no. I asked if he dwells on his mistakes and he said they were in the past so he doesn't think about them at all. I suddenly realized what the difference was between him and me--all I do is live with regret and dwell on my mistakes.

Damn. I just want to send some of you a hug. You will find a way to live a wonderful life if you keep looking and trying.

r22 you have just inspired me for the night. I really need to print out what you wrote because lately I have been doing the whole "I should have had X done by this age and now my life sucks". I'm going to be 38 next week (Scorpio! Mary!) and I realize I need to focus on actually DOING something and stop bitching about age/circumstances/the past/old boyfriends/whatever.

Hummm ... OP you sound interesting. Have you a photo?

[quote][R14], did you get therapy or did you do it all yourself? I'm inspired by stories of those who've gotten their shit together later in life.

Well, I had been sober for over 10+ years and had a bit of a nervous breakdown-for lack of a better term- and finally went on an SSRI. I had been in therapy twice but it changed NOTHING, even though the therapists tried to be helpful. The first one never even mentioned depression, and by all accounts I was barely functioning!

Once my head felt above water, I started taking better actions, I moved, started driving again, got a dog, and began having success at work I had always wanted to do. It all sort of fed on itself, and I had finally shed that heavy despair I thought was normal. I feel as if that life was a dream in a way. Oh, well ONWARD!

Hey, r19, you don't sound like you're in any sot of place to sneer at those trying to have better lives. I have never been able to finish or even digest a self-help book really. I can't integrate what I'm reading into my own life, but I look at them now and again. Why not peek? The struggle is worthy, is all I can add.

OP - did you start a diet?

I'm down to 237. I was down to 233 but ate over the holidays. Getting back on today.

The one percent want you to blame yourself. Most people who have "failed" today did so because the rich have appropriated the resources that would otherwise go to millions of others. What you need to do is get busy organizing to overthrow these people so that everyone does not end up a "failure" in the future.

Oh I know I know, nobody gets a "pass" on their obituary because they lived in difficult times. But that's the point. Our society is set up to blame YOU for things other people did. That is how they work, the Forbes 400 of this world. They themselves are criminals virtually without exception.

Trying again.

OP - did you start a diet?

I'm down to 230. I was down to 226 but went off for two weeks for the Christmas holidays. Got back on yesterday.

You can do this.

I know how you feel, OP. I've been in my situation ongoing for nearly a decade--when it feels like it's getting better, it's actually more like a burst of adrenaline then it goes back to where it began! Honestly, I may haven't changed much on the outside but I know I'm a much more bitter and aggressive person than I used to be. Enough about me though--I hope you can get out of your slump before its too late. Good luck!

Last year I went on a diet (for the Nth time in 15 years). I cut out most carbs, ate lots of vegetables and fruit, lean protein, eggs, yogurt, beans, low fat cheese. I walked about 45 minutes most days. Now near a year later, I have lost 40 pounds. Why did it work this time? No gimmicks, no excuses, just did my best each day. Some weeks were harder than others, went almost two months without losing a pound in the middle of it all, but never regained. This year I am going to get a trainer to get a weights routine together for me, and commit to the gym 3x a week.

One of the things that helped me succeed is jettisoning every excuse or even "expert" opinion about losing weight and keeping it off. I just shut it all off- its my genes, I'm too old, too inactive, I'll only regain it, I hate exercise, too lazy - and kept going. My modest success led me to believe that this approach of shutting off internal dialogues that keep me from doing other things I want was a good strategy. Things like having my teeth fixed cosmetically. I thought I couldn't afford it, was too old to start that, it was too vain, etc. Well I had a smile makeover this summer, took half from an annuity, financed the rest. Now almost paid off and my smile looks great.

So, spending time cataloging all my faults, limitations, and lack of character/discipline did nothing for me but make me feel bad about myself. Just stop it.

I applaud you r37! My biggest successes involved "Doing" versus "analyzing, assessing, etc etc". Just get active and put energy into whatever it is and the attitude:

I'm Gonna Succeed.

R4 Why randomly pick on Rosie about her dead mother in a DL thread?

Sometimes it’s hard to define our true path, we are stuck with the expectations of family, friends, society. Once we let that go it is very liberating.