Saturday Night

Hang in there, baby! Do you have a cat? You should get a cat. For starters.

I haven't had a cat for over 10 years.

I fucking hate growing old alone.

I also hate living in a world chock full of fucking stupid people and ignorant people and clueless people and complete morons.

Sounds like you need a hot shot, OP!

It's Halloween season! Catch up on some classic horror flicks!

This is the first Halloween that I have no plans too. First time I'm not traveling to New Orleans or going on a Halloween cruise or attending a big Halloween party. I guess another chapter ends. Ugh.

It's never too late to make new friends or boyfriends. Plot your comeback!

Do you like animals? Get yourself a pet. They give you unconditional love and keep you from dwelling on the negative things in life. And believe it or not there are still some good people left in the world. Don't give up!

If you don't have much room get a sugar glider. They're cute.

I condole op for watching Jupiter Ascending and not having a gun to kill himself.

Let's dance!

Dear lord what a song! I had forgotten about the bump.

OP ask your fairy godmother to take you to the ball to meet Prince Charming! You know it's possible! At least watch and sing along to the best version IMO of Cinderella. It's really good, has great music and is funny.

I was going to post a link to the full1965 Cinderella movie but they have removed it from youtube I think. Anyway there are several clips from it on there. Here are the stepsisters. This movie always cheers me up.

Sorry... no god mother. No step sisters (or siblings of any kind). Parents still alive but only for maybe ten more years at best, and they're 2000 miles away anyway.

R15 We're here, op. I love movies.

Spent all day today on the couch playing xbox one because there's nothing on TV and nothing else I want to do.

I can't even bring myself to clean the house because why bother.

Not like anyone ever comes over.

R17 Cheer up, Eeyore. I love you already. Take a warm shower, make some tea and start writing all of this down. Soon, you'll have a script. Maybe you should take-up boat building, model making or half-hull making. It takes precision, time and patience and is an art. It's also something people pay highly for if you're willing to part with some of the production.

If I had the energy and motivation to do anything like that, I wouldn't have a dining room table piled high with junk mail and papers and shit I need to go through and recycle/toss. And I'd have put the laundry away instead of leaving it just piled where I folded it four days ago.

R19 Go outside and get some Sun. Not too much, just enough to help you feel better.

Yeah right... a little sunlight will fix [italic]EVERYTHING[italic].... how could I have never tried this at any time in the last several decades?!?

(it's not as if I have to work during daylight hours or anything either)

Jesus Christ! People are giving you good advice and you reject it in a nasty way. Get some help or get a gun.

Pills!!!!!!Get some!!!

R19, I "get" depression. I'm sure you do better than I do: sometimes, EVERY dish in the apt dirty. Then I buy paper plates. After those run out, I eat OUT of the pans. Trash (paper trash, not garbage - other than orange rinds) on the living room floor. Takes days before I get haul fat ass off couch and put the trash in a trash bag. Couple more days till I can haul said fat ass to door and walk literally across the hall to trash/recycling room. This goes on for a couple of months during which I make up a series of creative excuses for family or friends not to be able to visit. Family, sees RIGHT through this; reluctantly (they control my disability check; long story) agree to let ME spend MY $$$ for wonderful house cleaners - $140 for 4 hours; 2 people.

6 times so far this year. Oh, and being disabled - and NOT physically (fat pig, but CAN walk and move) - I have no f---ing thing to do all day. NOT feeling sorry for myself; more like - disgusted.

So, hang in there; there' s someone much worse off than you.

The fact that there are those worse off than me actually doesn't make me feel better in any way. Because that really sucks.

Unfortunately there are too many people like the asshole at R22, who thinks "get some sun" is actually good advice. What a fucking moron.

You know, every time I think I'm too much of a misanthrope, people like that come along and prove I'm not nearly enough of one.

R24 With the exception of the disabled part, you perfectly described me and the condition of my house. I hate to be nosy, but have you found yourself less interested in personal grooming as well? I can't even imagine how it would be if I weren't on a max dose of antidepressants.

OP, so the "get some sun" advise is useless. DID YOU ACTUALLY TRY IT? Don't say it's useless until you try it first.

It reads like you need medical attention, so get it. Nothing changes unless you take action to change it. Getting some sun would be a change, btw.

Yeah R27, you're the FIRST person to EVER suggest such a thing over the last several decades. You're [italic]so original[/italic]. Of COURSE that's the answer. Doctors and therapists don't know shit but YOU sure do!! I'm so THANKFUL you're there to suggest SUNSHINE as a cure... the first time I've EVER heard that suggestion in 30+ years!

(rolling eyes at you)

R28 Hey, now, breathe. Maybe you really should call someone, snarkiness aside. R26 I find that reverting to grooming is calming and it has a pay-off. When in doubt, groom.

OP, stop and think. You need medical attention, and some different treatment than you've been getting, because that hasn't been working.

If nothing else, you could go to your ER and say you were afraid you might hurt yourself. But bring a bag with 3 day's of clothes and toiletries, at least, because they ought to admit you and hold you for a while.

I hope your depression can be treated! Good luck!

R30 I second this suggestion. Try to at least keep the lucidity to know when this is beyond you. Sometimes you need to just relax and let others take care of you. I would go to The ER and do the same, if I were you.

OP, the proper DL post for these kind of threads is "jealous bitches?"

Do you have a car and a garden hose? I condole you, op.

R32, I apologize. You're absolutely right. Fuck... I can't believe I missed that opportunity.

I'm such a loser.

OP, you need to get out of your head and the way to do this is to focus on the care of a living being outside yourself. Volunteer at an animal shelter or senior home or something like this. Even gardening. This may sound cheesy but it works. You are too alone and you are too inside your own head. This is a basic truth: The key is you need something that draws you outside your own brain and predicament. TV, surfing the web, and food doesn't work,

I have a brown thumb. I bought this house and all the grass died. My yard is a mess. And the weather here is such that I hate being outside (never mind allergies, it's either beastly hot or torrential downpours or too cold). Ever since I was a kid, and I'd buy a potted plant, it'd die within weeks no matter what I did (or didn't do). It's weird, because my mom has the greenest thumb on the planet. Plants just die around me. They die around my house.

A psych ward will make you kill yourself...make sure you stick a shoestring up your ass, then you can hang yourself from your doorknob.

R36 Maybe you should make a Zen rock garden. Seriously. Or focus on stone formations, succulents (I don't know what zone you're in) and indigenous grasses. You can show people in drought-stricken places how to make something beautiful with stone and little need for water.

Speaking of plants...the orchid I have had for two years, just bloomed. It was a little gift I needed.

R39 ...and orchids are hard to keep. Never give up.

R39 Maybe you need to empty out your house and only bring back in a handful of things that make you feel tranquil. Build a soothing space.

That sounds great but it also sounds like effort and I can't even muster the effort to put the laundry away or trash the pile of junk mail I've been brining in for the last month or so and just tossing on the table because I just can't even.

R42 Throw it all out or recycle it and only leave the stuff you can't part with. That's not really careful, conscious effort as much as throwing stuff in bags.

R43 Maybe you need something a little, more monk-like or just the simplicity of sleeping on a clean, easy to keep bed, a simple place to shower and a handful of interchangeable clothes to clean. Then, your home is for the basics and you have to get outdoors for anything interesting, like taking a walk at a local park or nature preserve. Don't even think about goals, consider tranquility only. At least for a little while.

Read "Walden" by Thoreau.

Who ISNT depressed ,OP ? Id venture to say 60% of us on here are alone,not in the best of health,etc,etc,etc. Clean your fucking house,take a shower,and think about the fact you have a house to clean and can take a shower,unlike a great deal of the world. I weeded my flower beds today and yes,getting some sun really does make you feel better.

If it's any comfort, this is a very entertaining thread so far.

I know your depression OP and it's awful but R46 is right when he says at least you have a house. I think about what If I were homeless and with no money, so yes things can get worse for me. And take R35's advice. I have to MAKE myself do what he suggests but it works for me so far (and my pets help). But if it doesn't help you, then do what R30 says and get some help. Sometimes depression is too overwhelming to pull yourself out of on your own.

Yeah, my house has foundation problems, a dead yard, is a complete money pit and never ending source of stress, I couldn't sell it to save my life even in the amazing housing market in this city because of the foundation issues and cracks all over the place...

Yeah, it's great I have a roof over my head, but this house sucks. I'd love to sell it and downsize and move into an apartment somewhere, but I'd have to put like $50k I don't have into getting the house fixed up and repaired before that could happen and I can't even.

There are things called "golden handcuffs" (my boring dead-end job), and "boat anchors" (this house) that sound good on paper but really just add to the depression and feeling of hopelessness and helplessness...

Yeah, it could be worse. A lot worse. that's not exactly the point.

Aw fuck, one of those ASPCA commercials came on and now I really want to slit my wrists.

Guess it's time to pound this last Redd's Wicket Black Cherry and attempt sleep.

My brother killed himself in his early 30s. It had a pretty negative effect on everyone in the family and his friends / former friends.

Unfortunately, we share those same genes - but since he beat me to it - I can't put my parents through 2 of these & am basically stuck here. So, I have waited it out - despite my life being an utter fucked up failure (far worse than his, objectively...he was the high school football player who dated whoever he wanted in college with few health problems...i'm far from that & have been in the hospital / doctors offices more days this year than I can count). Also, despite my education & work experience, I have been rejected from 20+ interviews in the last year. I've had interview coaching & acting coaching, etc.. .doesn't help. There's literally some fucked up curse on me medically and in regards to my job. I can't even explain what it's like to have given up years of my life to go to one of the top grad schools in the world and then have people who barely graduated college reject me & then hire someone with less work experience for the position (even in a company I worked for before grad school where my manager told them to hire me!)

Anyway, I used to just take klonopin... then it was klonopin & lamictal... but as this dragged on, then prozac was added... then some other stuff on top of that depending on what's happening. That took some of the suicidal thoughts down from an hourly thought to semi-weekly. That's the best drugs could do for me. I think talk therapy was helpful, but the only therapist who I didn't hate doesn't take insurance and he's $150 an hour...so I've been on a break from that (and on a million pills). He has a sliding scale, but it doesn't slide very low.

Since CBT never clicked with me (despite the literature claiming it would be the most effective for my "issues") we mostly focused on distorted thinking and coping mechanisms...since my brother & I certainly weren't taught how to deal with the world properly by our hyper-anxious parents who did everything for us & were convinced we'd die if we crossed the street. People spend so much time focusing on child abuse & neglect and have no idea what it's like to have the opposite extreme of that. I guess it must be pretty rare. And, distorted thinking is also part of how I was raised...with unrealistic expectations (e.g., be a millionaire who only works 2 days a week or I should invent something that everyone in the world needs, etc..)...and a lot of endless negative self-talk. If someone else talked to me the way I talk to myself, I'd stab them.

Anyway, I have nothing else to say... I am in the same boat & have what I need to get out of here but I have to wait. Eventually will be dead...hopefully sooner rather than later - but it's been dragging on way too long. The fact I can't get a job & had surgery ~6 times this year (some in-office things and a few in the OR) has only added insult to injury - but the drugs keep me in a zombified state sufficiently for now.

R50 NEVER watch those Sarah Mclachlan commercials when you're vulnerable! Turn it off!

You might want to cut down/eliminate alcohol. It's a depressant you know.

R51 I'm sorry you're going through this. Forget the cookie-cutter "dreams" sold to you; get a trailer to live in and make it interesting. Write a stage play about the stupidity of a system that has created so, many stories like yours. Look at the stars and think about all the possibilities out there. Put together acting flash cards for people who want to learn, with facial expressions, gestures, stage direction, make a game out of it. Take B-12 supplements and niacin.

People suck. Like, 99% of all people. Maybe even 99.9% of people.

Go rent "Mr. Saturday Night" with Billy Crystal. I thought it was pretty good. That will kill one Saturday night.

Go fly a kite.

Go to a creepy old cemetery and read the old headstones. Weep for the children.

Take a walk along the docks. Approach the the boat owners and ask to see their poop deck.

Today was a beautiful day to be outside (New England).

Go out in the sun and take some vitamins, you'll feel great. Snuggle up with a good book and drink some chamomile tea and everything will be fine. Think happy thoughts and take s brisk walk while listening to an Oprah book on tape. You'll get better in no time.

[quote]Delusional, ignorant, DL posters who have no idea what depression entails

Exactly, R58. Exactly.

I'm surprised they haven't said "Just cheer up, you! You silly goose! Just be happy!"

R58, you're not depressed. You are instead an attention whore who wants people to feel sorry for yourself.

You've gotten advice to see a doctor, you dismiss it.

You're told to go to the ER, you refuse.

You're told that helping someone else will help yourself, you ignore it.

You're told to do something simple, like walk outside, you insult the person trying to help you.

You are an ungrateful piece of shit who is determined to be unhappy. You are guaranteeing that you will remain unhappy, because you are working so hard to be so. You will ALWAYS be a miserable cunt as long as you refuse to do anything different.

I understand depression, I just don't give a shit about your self-pity and I am not going to tell you it's ok to give in to it. It's not. Get up off your fat ass and go outside, you lazy piece of shit. The world is passing you by and all that's changing for you is that you are getting older, unhappier, and crazier.

Thank you R60 for proving my point. I'm neither depressed nor fat, I however have known people who suffer from depression. Telling them to go for a walk and cheer up is like telling someone with diabetes to just "get better". Now, go on over to the 800 lb. man thread and let's some more obvious pent up rage out. You seem like your the McDonald's whore who thinks their chicken and water is "tasty"... So sad you are

Fuck off, R60. You're probably the reason a lot of people become misanthropes... what a horrible fucking asshole you are.

smoke copious amounts of Weed

I wish I lived in a legalization state. I wouldn't smoke it though, because *cough* *cough* ick. I'd stick to the THC lollypops and pot brownies. :-)

Please feel sorry for me because I'm depressed and refuse to do anything about it.

You make so many stupid assumptions, R65, I think it's clear you're kind of stupid.

You really think that ANYTHING that ANYONE has suggested in this thread isn't obvious enough to have already been tried? Seriously? Are you that arrogantly ignorant?

You're one of those people who doesn't listen to understand, you listen to offer your opinions on how to fix things. Women really hate you. So much arrogant privilege just dripping form your every post. Educate yourself, and while you're at it, get some empathy.

I'm so sad, feel sorry for me! And look at me, look at me! I will not be ignored, you fucking cunts!

Get a cat. It will suck your breath away in your sleep.

Put a fan in your bedroom and close the doors and windows. The South Koreans are convinced it will kill you. You can order one thru Amazon so you don't have to go outside to buy one.

I'm never depressed. I drink a coffee everyday... I love waking up to have my coffee. I never sleep in. Then later in the day I drink a diet energy drink. It has shitloads of B vitamins ginseng etc. I keep under 400mgs of caffeine a day. I do get slightly irritable because of the caffeine sometimes. I highly recommend caffeine to keep depression away.

Clean apartment. I'm meticulous about cleanliness. Also minimalist. No stored up junk, no useless shit no clutter. All hoarders and pack rats that I know are severely depressed. I keep my life and finances strictly organized.

My last boyfriend was negative and depressive so I had to dump him. He kept on bitching about his ex husband constantly and he would bring up painful events in my life that I confided in him to try to get me to be as miserable as him. I had to dump him. He was making me mentally ill. I compartmentalize out negativity only remembering bad events to keep me protected and to keep me away from people who hurt me in the past. He marinates in negativity and drama. He was always ruminating over past fucked up things that people did to him in his past. Always negative and neurotic.

I feel if I am depressed and not enjoying life then I let the bastards win.

Yup, caffeine will do it. Gets rid of depression every time! Cleaning too!

Rent boy.

Please shit in my mouth after you have eaten McDonald's , it'll be soooo tasty. I can shit in your mouth too after eating a tasty McDonald's chicken thalad. Sooo tathty

Wondering how to avoid having kids knock at my door tonight. I'm apparently not leaving the house (no plans, no invitations, no idea where to go even if I wanted to leave). Normally I just make sure I'm home on Halloween/trick-or-treaters night. I don't even know what time it all begins.

[quote]It's Halloween season! Catch up on some classic horror flicks!

OP is already watching "Jupiter Ascending" which is a true horror.

No, Jupiter Ascending is actually pretty fun. Lots of eye-candy. It's under-rated. Not great (and it would have been far better as a 10 hour miniseries on HBO or something), but not nearly as bad as its reputation is.

R60 is harsh,but correct. R58 is determined to be miserable so this whole thread is pointless. As for us not knowing what depression is,Bitch,you walk into an ER and look at your love laying dead and bloodied on a gurney after 12 years together THEN get back to me on "not knowing what depression " is. And then,find another love ,be with him for 7 years,the last 2 spent watching him suffer from MS,and have him die in front of you on his 50th birthday. Not know depression ? Honey,I invented it. And yes,I was the one who said go weed your yard and clean your house. I KNOW.

R60 is harsh and full of self-absorbed self-important arrogant shit.

If you think being sad about your love lying dead has ANYTHING to do with clinical depression, then you don't know what the FUCK you're talking about. Depression has nothing to do with being sad. It's a mental illness. You can't just "cheer up". It's about a loss of motivation and desires and ABILITY to help yourself. You're a fucking asshole.

Besides, better to have loved and lost than to never have loved or been loved at all. Not diminishing the tragedy of your loss, but it has NOTHING TO DO WITH DEPRESSION WHAT SO EVER. Apples and oranges.

i'm gonna lay round and finger my mussy.

Oh,I get it R78. YOUR depression is so much worse than mine (May God NEVER visit such pain on you ) because it comes from within ? It makes yours somehow more meaningful ? You think it went away over time ? You think I m not still feeling it ? Who's the asshole now ?

listen to me you piece of shit. this is my first post in this shit thread. i have severe debilitating depression. sometimes i can't even get out of bed. i'm taking expensive transcranial magnetic stimulation treatments for my depression to get some goddamned relief.

No, R80, you don't get it. Being depressed has nothing to do with grieving or being sad. You don't understand what words mean: Clinical Depression isn't something you get when something bad happens to you. Jesus Christ, educate yourself, learn what the fuck you're talking about before going off on someone, and recognize it's not a contest anyway. What the fuck is wrong with you??

So many mentally ill people on DL.

R80 asks "who's the asshole now?", when it's clear the asshole here is him.

Jaw-droppingly clueless.

Just so you know... Clinical Depression can be typified not just by the absence of joy or happiness, but the absence of pain to... it's NOTHINGNESS. The inability to feel anything. To do anything. To care about anything.

Seriously, your ignorance is stunning, as is your arrogance.

Just like the evolution deniers that claim "It's just a theory", the problem is the understanding of the words here. "Theory" to a layman means what "hypothesis" means to a scientist. When a scientist says "Theory", they're talking about something way, way stronger and different than "Just a guess or idea"... something with a significant amount of proof and predictive power. Which makes those anti-science, anti-evolution people sound like idiots when they try to talk about how evolution isn't true because it's "just a theory". Same word, VERY different meanings.

So it is with "depression". Too many lay-people who have no real experience with Clinical Depression think it just means "sad". But it's really very, very different from that. It's about emotional responses being depressed... think "suppressed unwillingly"... in the individuals that suffer from it. For them, doing anything can feel like an enormous, impossible task... and reacting to things with emotion (happiness, sadness, etc) simply doesn't happen. It's a lack of caring, a lack of feeling, a lack of motivation, a lack of the ABILITY to do those things. It is truly, fundamentally, "hopelessness" because you're physical unable to feel hope. Or anything else.

You can't WILL yourself out of depression. It's not possible. And clinical depression frequently (even most of the time) has NO EXTERNAL CAUSE. You don't get clinically depressed because a loved one died, or you lost your job, or any of these other things.

So yeah, a lot of the replies in this thread come across as really ignorant, even the (scant few) well-meaning ones. The worst are the "Well *I* can do it, so why the fuck can't you" types of responses. It's not helping, and it's seriously clueless.

Well FUCK me for thinking all the mental anguish I went through not once but twice wasn't worthy to be called depression. I KNOW the fucking difference,you cunts. Your oowie doesn't hurt worse than mine,no matter how we both got them. Invalidating someone elses suffering is ridiculous. You don't know anything about me other than what Ive chose to share,yet your going to claim because I am not diagnosed with a "chemical imbalance" or the like that Im an asshole ? Dope yourself to high heaven for all I give a fuck. Wait till you withdraw from those.

R86, what the hell is wrong with you? It's like saying "Well fuck me for thinking all the anguish I went through wasn't worthy to be called a brain tumor!"

Clinical Depression (which isn't just "depression", as already explained half a dozen times, so get it through your thick head) is a CLINICAL DIAGNOSIS of a MENTAL ILLNESS that is caused by a BRAIN CHEMICAL IMBALANCE. It has nothing to do with going through trauma or grief or anything else.

Why do you find this fact somehow personally offensive?

Having clinical depression isn't an "owie" like losing a loved one, and THIS ISN'T A COMPETITION ANYWAY. Seriously, I ask again: what the fuck is wrong with you?

YOU are the one trying to invalidate someone else's suffering. NOBODY is invalidating yours just by asking you to use words correctly and to understand the different meanings. Jesus.

You're a real ignorant piece of work, and kind of a shitty person.

Won't going to a doctor, or an ER help?

What is "Redd's Wicked Black Cherry", OP?

Get ahold of yourself,R87 ! Are you foaming at the mouth ?

Life isn't supposed to be easy. Think of all the gays that died of AIDs. Got tossed off buildings. Miliions of people in the shithole 3rd world countries would love to come to America or Europe. Many of my ancestors died in child birth, were killed in wars. They lost limbs fighting in wars too, my grandfather lost his arm in WW2. There wasn't high tech medical care. They had spouses who tragically died young.

Get over yourselves and lower your exceptions of life. If someone deliberately ruined your life then get revenge and ruin their life too or just kill them. If you are too cowardly then shut up about it because you value your shitty little life more than your dignity.

Life is shitty for most people in the world. Just try to find some enjoyment in life. No point in being miserable.

[quote]No point in being miserable

Unless your brain chemistry literally gives you no alternative.

[quote]What is "Redd's Wicked Black Cherry", OP?

There's this thing called the internet...

What did we ever do without psychologists?

I asked OP about Redd's Wicked Black Cherry so that OP could epound on it, R92. I was wondering if he's a drinker. Are you depressed because you're too stupid to understand such subtleties?

This thread is really fucked up. There are some seriously disturbed people at DL, but when they congregate and congeal in one thread, look out!

Well, Saturday night [italic]is[/italic] the loneliest night of the week.

Ads for Redd's Wicked Ale (red apple or green apple) are all over the place. The new flavor is Black Cherry. I was curious about it because I love black cherry. Eh, it was all right. I probably won't buy it again (took two weeks to finish the 12 can case). I'm not much of a drinker anymore.

R95 there definitely are disturbed people on DL. I remember people saying Aaron Hernandez was a bottom. Lol.