How many times a day do you fart?

You're a hog OP. A gassy one.

Dare you enter the Chamber of FARTS?????????

I never prooot ever frrrraaaaaap fart, but sometimes I whisper warm breezes from a very special pweeeeet place inside me fuurrrrrouuuummp.

Ina, is that you?

That's a well used arse you have, OP!

I'm too uptight to fart!! Blocked by my prissiness and pearl clutching.

Does burping count as well? Cause I do that a lot.

Burping is a kind of fart. Only, through your mouth.

I only do it maybe twice a week, never while moving my bowels. I don't understand all the noises some men make in public bathrooms. I do burp a lot.

many many times as I awake, not so much later on in the day

My cousin use to tell me that she only farted from the front. Lol!

Anyone else get the farts from diet soda? Dayum!!! All kinds of gassy.

How about never??? I fart maybe once every 6 months or so. ....you people must be eating lots of fast food.

of course you do OP how sad you FAT FUCK it's called watch what you eat...DIET dude! JUNK FOOD DIET I take it?

"I shoot out 30 to 40 a day, myself"

I'm guessing that when you 'present hole', it's way up in the ozone.

You do it ALL NIGHT LONG, every 10 minutes or so, when you are asleep.

What the hell are some of you eating that you're farting so much?

When you lay down flat and are relaxed as in sleep, you fart constantly.

Stop eating processed foods and anything that has wheat in it and you be amazed how little you fart.

Wait, you mean you people claiming you almost never fart are being serious?

Or is it just that you never notice when you fart?

Cuz I don't know how to answer OP's poll, since I've never counted!

I seriously only fart once every year or two. I have very clean bowel movements, there's usually nothing visible on the toilet paper. I NEVER eat processed foods, and never fast food.

R16 I guess the OP and the other fat fucks are eating basically junk food and fast food daily. I am gonna keep count on how many times i fart tomorrow and seriously report back . HAHA

How do people who live together stand it? Farting is embarrassing but yet everyone does it.

Farting is revolting.

I never laughed harder in my life than the time I was 14 years old, visiting my friend Kevin, and his mother let one rip, a big loud trumpet one. She said, "that was a WET one. A real gooey!"

When I was about 12, my buddy and I would take his family's bulb enema syringe, stick it up each other's asses, and squeeze the air-filled bulb, sometimes a few times. This produced spectacular farts. It didn't take much to amuse two junior high kids in those pre-video game days. Oh yeah, we called it "having a fartin' good time."

..............not a question for a lady

Farting? Isn't that something the help do to communicate without speaking Spanish?

[quote]I seriously only fart once every year or two. I have very clean bowel movements, there's usually nothing visible on the toilet paper. I NEVER eat processed foods, and never fast food.

Do unicorns post on DL? What's with all these people claiming that they can go extremely long periods of time (a freaking year!) without farting?

R27, please refrain from assuming the title of "Miriam Highbrow-Snowcroft" unless you have something truly witty and clever to say!

I've been around people who proudly proclaim that they don't fart much. They're the one who do it loudly in the middle of the night and wake themselves up. They let a loud one go, the kind that scares away small animals, and then groggily ask "what?"

It has been studied medically. The average adult human farts 13.2 times in 24 hours.

I do ALOT more than that!! Jesus, I know corpses that fart more than that!

You people that fart 20 times a day are doing so because you're not getting proper elimination. Try cutting out processed and fast food.

3,000 times a day. Am I doing something wrong?

This is what a DL get-together would look like:

I fart a lot and am proud of my rips.

Any MAN who doesn't like to fart or think that farting is hilarious isn't much of a man

It's very masculine and manly

I'd be worried that I was dating a girl if I dated a dude and he didn't casually fart around me

It's male bonding.

Who counts their farts?

R36 has issues.

You do this on dates, don't you, R36?

R36 -- You're truly a man after my own fart. I agree with you100%.

Farting and shitting is funny. What's wrong with you people claiming you never fart? Everyone knows you're lying.

I rarely fart when I'm awake, no idea on the count when I'm asleep but of course it is 100% related to what you eat. I advise you to add more fruits and vegetables to your life. if not to minimize your farting, then to improve your health generally.

I think I fart the average amount but it depends what I've eaten for example if I've had an apple for a snack you might not want to walk behind me an hour later.

My partner always has major gas first thing in the morning. I swear when he takes his morning piss, it sounds like someone is playing a tuba in our apartment.

1-10 people are lying,of course.

I used to be friends with this boy who could "fart on command" and at sleepover parties he would entertain me and the other boys by farting on command for us

My one buddy would count his rips and at the next sleep over he would have to beat them.

We would also "beef stew" sometimes bare ass the first boy to fall asleep

You see DL this is what boys do when there are no girls around and the testosterone is flying

They fart, fight, play sports, wrestle and grad each others "junk" to try to inflict pain

Oh and drive by "ball tappings" too

Most gay men NEVER were assimilated into male culture and always hung with the girls as kids so they have very little understand of real maleness

No offense guys. I'm a masculine gay guy. So I'm gay too

Pfffttttt 1 ha ha ha

Pfffttttt 2 ha ha ha

Pfffttttt 3 ha ha ha

Pfffttttt 4 ha ha ha

Ew u must be the freak who changes his sheets every 2 days.

The DUTCH OVEN that my brothers and I made happenened in the ground-floor powder room, just down the hall from THE FAMILY ROOM. Usually we were relegated to the basement rec room. There was a full bathroom down there. But one day the basement flooded and while it being refurbished, we three boys were given the impeccably furnished ground floor FAMILY ROOM, which was really just a place for adults to watch tv. We weren't allowed there, or the living room, or the dining room.

Every one of us asked why the FAMILY was never allowed in THE FAMILY ROOM. It had a fireplace.

Anyway, one evening when our parents went out and we were too old for babysitters, we drank lots of beer and ate lots of pizza, and vowed to pass gas in one place, the powder room.

It was OUR DUTCH OVEN. My older brother even called it that, a DUTCH OVEN. We forced farts into that tiny room that only held a toilet and sink. We called it the BATSHEBA bathroom because my mother had decorated it so flamboyantly.

Then our parents arrived home and, as usual, our mother ran to the powder room to go piss.

O. M. G The screams! WHICH ONE OF YOU IS SICk!?ONE OF YOU HAS TO BE SICK TO MAKE THAT AWFUL STINK! And then that flamboyant wallpaper started peeling off the walls

I'm one of the ones who only does it maybe once a day. If I eat sundried tomatoes it's more often. I NEVER EVER do one when moving my bowels...a.k.a. dropping a log.

I do burp a lot though.

ok I just farted and that was #12 for today from when I woke up this morning at 6:30am...

I only fart frequently when I eat healthy food.

R36 is about right. After all, he IS a perfect asshole.

Lol you guys are funny

When you fart around others and it is clearly audible do you say 'Excuse Me' as if you had just burped?

R48 -- I fuckin' LOVE it!! I'm still laughing. Your poor mom. In another recent farting thread, a guy said he farted in a jar, then gave the jar to his brother, saying, "does this jar smell funny?" I love the idea of bottled farts or farts confined to a small room.

R50 update 2 more = 14 Goodnight!

DL's best and brightest come out to shine once again. Especially the 'farting is manly' creep. WTF is wrong with you?

R57, clutch your pearls, dear. I saw a sign in a gastroenterologist's office that said "We all fart.Get over it".

I am with "farting is manly". My better half never farted in front on me unless he was asleep. He insisted that nobody farts. Least of all him. Finally, after year 19 together, he started to let fly in front of me.

It's one of the uglier reasons why we adopt pets.

"Why, Miss Sissyboodles! How could you?"

Well, eating breakfast while reading DL has now been revealed as a bad decision. Do jars of vomit have any fans?

[quote]In another recent farting thread, a guy said he farted in a jar, then gave the jar to his brother, saying, "does this jar smell funny?"

R55 that was me! Glad you enjoyed because my brother hated it 8^)

Last night I was watching Father Ted on DVD and laughed so hard at a scene I let a really loud fart rip that actually woke up my sleeping cat. He shook his head and was like, "What the fuck?"

Has anyone here ever snarted? That's when you you sneeze which than triggers a simultaneous fart.

OP, start with losing a 100 lbs., exercise, eat healthy, keep your nasty self private, and stay busy enough so not to create vulgar threads on DL. There's nothing sexy about passing gas except for a few deranged perverts.

22 today yesterday was only 12 today I had a burger and shake so extra farts

R57 MOST men at least 90% agree that farting is mainly and hilarious

It's only on the MARY world of DL where men are horrified by the thought of it

Of course if a dude let rip when we're hooking up I'd fucking beat the shit out of him. That's not cool. But in general farting is gross, fun and hilarious and yes VERY MANY

Like my straight guy best bud would say "Women burp and men fart and brag about it"

I love my morning farts!

I fart less than OP but more often than Jack Donaghy.

I even refuse to admit that I go the toilet.

A toilet goer?

Word of warning I had a lot of fiber yesterday so I've got wind burns on my ass this morning.

OP = Will the Farter

You think Giselle Bundschen and Tom Brady let 'em rip in front of each other? How about an Anderson Cooper fart? I'm fascinated with the idea of hot celebrities farting. I know... whacko.

With a proper diet, farting should be very rare. I never fart and my BM are clean and stealth like.

I would love to have a stealthy bm someday!

so farty today approx. 45 already chili for lunch....dinner hmmmmmmmmmmmm stink bomb alert for later LOL...TBD

R74 dude are you even a man?

....stealthy BM ...christ, I know something came out of me!!!! WTF where is it?

update checking in 4hours later around 65 most are stinky ones

I try not to fart now because I'm on a weight lss supplement that blocks a percent of fat I consume. I then poop out the rest of the fat. This supplement causes oiliness in my rectal area and butt crack. The oil just seeps out periodically. I try not to consume as much fat a day to avoid this seepage it going too low in fat is dangerous and unhealthy so fat is inevitable. If I do fart, orange oil sputters out of me like an empty mustard bottle and then I leak. I then have race to the bathroom to wipe.

A plus side is I've lost close to 40 lbs so far the down side is finding fat droppings on my carpet.

Dear Lord in Heaven!

[quote]Do unicorns post on DL? What's with all these people claiming that they can go extremely long periods of time (a freaking year!) without farting?

I have a Splenic Flexture which the easiest way to describe is a natural kink in my intestine, air gets trapped and when it builds up I get a large lump under my left rib cage. A simethicone pill brings everything up. Very rarely does it move south and then that means sumptin' a brewing but like I said it is rare.

R81 You aren't the Concerned Team Mom. You are the scat queen bumping a 4 year old fart thread. Mimicry is new angle for you but you're still gross.