Let's be items found in Kim Davis' home !

I'm also a slightly damp and mildewed copy of '50 shades of Grey' shoved between the piss stained mattresses.

I don't really have anything to contribute, but this is hilarious.

I'm the Hummel figurines on the bookshelf!

I'm the Christmas tree where half the tree flashes off and on.

I'm the Bible on the coffee table that's mostly used as a coaster. I have a giant water ring soaking through the cover from all the Big Gulps Kim and Co. rest on me.

I'm the "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" sweatshirt that is pulled out once a year when she wants to dress fancy for Christmas services.

I'm Snowball the cat. I piss wherever the fuck I want.

I'm lysol...used occasionally as douche...before one of her 3 (or 4?) husbands comes 'round for a quickie...but not after... she likes a nice load soaking in there for a few weeks. Moisturizing.

I'm the Men are from Mars Women are From Venus paperback sitting on top of What Colour in Your Parachute? ready to go to the church rummage sale.

I'm the sawhorse with carpet padding, that's been sitting at the side of the driveway for 4 years, untouched.

I'm the packages of "Suntan" knee hi stockings stacked in her sock drawer next to the Playtex bras with the frayed elastic.

I'm the dump cake baking in the oven cuz the whole office is celebrating tomorrow!

I'm the old Cool Whip container filled with cornstarch that Kim keeps on the table next to her "TV recliner." On sticky days, while watching TLC, she'll absentmindedly open me up and pat cornstarch between her sweaty folds.

I'm the case of Chef Boyardee she picked up at the Costco so the kids would have something to eat while she was doing hard time in the slammer.

R13, I'm spectacularly grossed out by that image, but I can't stop laughing.

I'm pattern 2250. Kim is making me from a dusty bolt of flowered cotton she got for 75% off at the Fabric Barn.

Costco, R14? Sam's Club at best.

I'm the big ass pick up parked in the driveway that Kim drives to work. Everyone in town knows Kim's truck because she's big as a tank and I am too.

I'm the 5 lb. tub of Tenderleaf brand lard on the stove, used by Kim to make some fine, flaky biscuits, and also used by Joe (#2 & #4) as anal lube.

I'm the secret TracFone she keeps hidden in that old cut out bible. It's what I use to secretly talk to husband number five. I'm too much woman for just one man.

I'm the birth certificates of her children containing no fathers' names.

I'm the "Bless This Mess" sign in the kitchen.

I'm the "Hang in There Baby" kitten poster above the craft table.

I'm the cinnamon broom just purchased from Hobby Lobby. It's fall, ya'll!

I'm the half bottle of Grapes of Galilee Chardonnay in the fridge - it's what Jeebus drank!

God. Will Kim the County Clerk join Ginny in Billing in our potluck threads?

I'm the chastity belt Kim must wear when out of the house.

This is the type of thread that I love. Some of you are just comic geniuses.

I'm the closet full of pinafore dresses and XXL long sleeve tees hanging in the closet. You can keep your cockadoody secular fashion; a closet full of loose fitting clothes designed for proper Christian coverage is all a big girl like Kim needs.

I'm a mirror. You won't find me ANYWHERE in Kim's house.

I'm the cotton balls soaked in Britney Spears Fantasy scent, tucked into the satin-like bag of polyester peephole bras and open gusset panties tucked away at the back of the drawer of stained and grey 'everyday' underwear.

I'm the banana clip that refuses to let Kim's bangs be seen in public.

I'm the shredded XXL Spanx that she had to cut off cause she couldn't get out of me.

I'm the "Jeebus Is My Coach" figurines on the mantel.

I'm the bushel of extra large cucumbers in the fridge which never seem to get eaten but which disappear nightly.

I'm the now brittle McCall's patterns she used to make her denim jumpers back in 1985.

I'm the "Hang in There!" pocket calendar complete with cat dangling from tree limb. It is inspiration during these trying times.

I'm the extra-large 5-gallon insulated water cup that Kim carries around with her all day to stay hydrated and to create the appearance that she's health conscious.

I'm not FAT - I'm just big-boned - look at all this water I drink.

If you happen to be standing behind her in the break room, it's takes her about half hour to fill up and thing. And mostly, she just dumps the lukewarm water on the plants and drinks the Cokes she keeps hidden in her desk.

I am several tarnished & mildly cracked wedding cake figurines stored in a box labeled "WEDDINGS" in the crawl space.

I'm a shirtless photo of Donny Osmond torn from Teen Beat. Kim's secretly been flicking her clit to me since 1985.

I'm the fun Sarah Palin long-sleeve t-shirts that Kim wears under her denim jumpers sometimes on casual Fridays.

Kim's favorite shows Sarah winking and saying, "Mr. Obama, the only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke."

I'm the stack of "As Seen on TV" exercise products that Kim has bought over the years that are now collecting dust in the corner of her living room.

None of them thangs worked - how can I get my money back?

I'm a big plastic container of Scrunchies and Banana Clips that Kim keeps by her Barcalounger, which is where Kim usually does her hair while she watching the Gospel of Jeebus Christ as delivered directly into her living room by Fox News.

I'm the Walmart generic "Equate" flushable wipes, bought in bulk, placed next to the TP and tucked in Kim's purse.

I am a fabulous hat (and sunglasses).

I'm the Do-It-Yourself-Divorce kit that she ordered through the mail to save legal expenses on the second divorce. Or was it the third?

I'm Kim's Pink Snuggie that was embroidered for Kim by her late Mother-in-Law (hubby 2 and 4) just before she died with the loving words, "Where is your birth certificate, Barack Hussein Obama?"

Those words bring Kim such comfort!

I'm the inspirational Ziggy wall art that Kim looked to for inspiration before she figured out her real purpose in life.

I am a dusty votive candle lost behind a stack of Touched by an Angel tapes and Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas.

I am the box of "Scripture Scrappin'" supplies with matching pinking shears.

I'm the disco ball and the DVD of 'Too Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything' ..... because Kim doesn't hate the gays and lesbians at all !

I'm the individually wrapped American cheese slices in the crisper which are taking on an increasingly radioactive shade of orange.

I'm the yellow legal pad Kim keeps by her recliner to write down her excuses for getting back into the County Clerk's Office in defiance of the Court's order.

#1 - I'm just here to pick up my check. #2 - I just come by to bring my boy his lunch. Is it a crime for a mother to cook for her son in this country now too?

I'm the handheld pregnancy test taped to some free calendars given out by my bank. I use 'em to figure who's the daddy.

I am the Westboro Baptist shrine now boxed up and sitting in the backyard shed because they hurt her feelings.

I'm the "JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON" banner Kim keeps hanging in her living room year round next to the "STOP THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS AND CHRISTIANS!"

Because for Kim, hate knows no season!

I'm the permanent queef stain on the couch.

I am the portrait of Dear Leader Kim Jong-Un hung above the mantle to provide daily inspiration and reminder of how an office should be run.

I'm drawer after drawer filled with coupons for shit Kim will never buy. Couponing isn't a hobby; it's a lifestyle!

I am the discount card at Billy Ray's Divorces4Less. After 10 stamps, your next one is (that's right!) FREE! (EVERYONE knows how cheap hillbillies are)

I'm the Kleenex boxes filled with plastic bags. So handy AND decorative!

I'm the nazi flag bolted on the wall of Mr. Davis' mancave in the basement. The floor is littered with beer cans and crumbled up bags of doritos.

There is a porn stash in the corner. Someone threw an old Christmas table cloth on it in a half ass attempt to hide it.

There is one book , "Mein Kampf" for dummies.

I'm the $10 coupon to SuperCuts that Kim was supposed to use to do something with her horrible hairdo.

I'm a 3-way Poncho hanging in the closet, to be brought out for those special nights at church bingo.

You've always wondered who bought the ones in size 3X; now you know!

I'm another legal pad Kim is using to write up her notes on the Kirk Cameron-produced movie about her life, which is still in negotiations.

1. I will NOT have some Hollywood WHORE play me in this movie! It must be a Godly woman, who is breathtaking beautiful, full-figured, sensual, and seductive, who can fill out a denim jumper and thermal t-shirt WITHOUT BEING A WHORE!

A woman who glows with the fire of God's hatred for the Gays and Gay Marriage!

I am the pile of Joel Osteen books under an open bag of potato chips on the table next to the recliner.

I'm Kim's old purse, where she hides the slightly flirtatious notes she exchanges with Mike Huckabee and an old memo pad where she has practiced writing, "Mrs. Michael Huckabee. Mrs. Mike Huckabee, Mr & Mrs. Michael Huckabee." over and over again.

I'm dried cat vomit, left on the TV room carpet by the family's Persian cat, Mittens Malarkey Pitty-Ting.

Kim used to scrape me off, but by now she's just given up and hopes the kids feet will eventually wear me away.

Yellow in the front and brown in the back

Guess what I am?

I'm the hideous kitchen from 1976 where Kim makes her nutritious peanut butter & marshmallow sandwiches.

I'm the $3 pair of hot pink Walmart flip flops. She puts her big ol' hooves in me. My strap goes in between her big ugly sausage toes. Her dirty feet imprints are permanently embedded in me because of her weight. I go snap snap snap as she waddles around the house wearing me.

I'm the old copy of GLOBE in the downstairs bathroom where Kim likes to go when she's going to make a real stinker.

I am the "Jesus Fish" refrigerator magnets holding a junk mail reply letter from Focus on the Family, thanking me for my yearly $25 donation!

I'm Kim's TV tuned to the 700 Club, where the 1,000 year-old man Pat Roberson spews his vile ramblings while Kim sleeps in her recliner, snoring with her mouth open, sleeping peacefully in the knowledge that God is her co-pilot (come on God - I have to be the pilot - you're invisible) and they will WIN at any cost!

I'm the pair of Kim's best shoes that she keeps in its original box in her closet. She bought me at CALDOR and only brings me out once a year when she goes to church.

I'm just one piece of artwork adorning the stairwell' walls.

R72 - When she goes to make a real stinker she probably goes out to the old outhouse. Ugh. Imagine what her nasty ol' cunny looks like from behind when she bends down to dry he feet after a shower. Blech....

I'm the lamp on Kim's dresser that her 2nd mother in law gave her 2 months after Kim married her fat fuck of a husband.

Excuse me, R70, you must be referring to my recipe for FRIED peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches.

And I would remind you that the recipe for those sandwiches is MY INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY and is to be included in my upcoming cookbook "Cook Away the Gay!" by Kim Davis.

R30 Of course there are no mirrors--vampires have no reflections.

OP, she uses that painting to remind her to work on her "blowing" skills--the only way she could get, if not keep "4 hubbbies 4."

I'm the timeless outfit that Kim bought on EBAy and is hoping to fit into once she finally gets ride of those last 25 pounds of pesky babyfat.

I'm one of the 2 bottles of Tag-AWAY that Kim considers part of her daily beauty regimen. She keeps me in her upstairs bathroom's medicine cabinet; the other is in the basement bathroom. You know the one she uses when she's going to make a major stinker.

This is easily the funniest and best DL thread in many moons. I'm dying.

I'm the 8x10 portrait of herself (that) she paid over $ 200. for at GLAMOUR PHOTO back in 1992 that she hangs right inside the front door.

I am the matching denim bib overalls and straw hat that are waiting for Mrs. Davis. The hubby went straight for his when he was told he should probably dress up for the cameras.

I'm the brown shoe polish she uses to color her hair

I am the the Cheetos stained sheet of paper with instructions for establishing a GoFundMe account.

I'm one of the 3 dozen 'Bed, Bath & Fucking Beyond' 20% OFF COUPONS that Kim keeps on a magnified clip on the refrigerator. Kim loves Bed, Bath & Beyond because she can use as many coupons as she wants even if they're eXpired beause they'll still accept them. Ain't that grand ?

Someone mentioned a Jesus sweatshirt, but it needs to be one of the many Quacker Factory sweaters:

I'm last year's family photo from her brother Duane Rae and his family that came with their Christmas card.

I'm the stack of Ladies Home Journal, McCall's, and Good Housekeeping 1960s and 1970s magazines, bequeathed to her by her late Mother-In-Law (husband number 2 and number 4), part of the priceless trove of Godly wisdom that woman left behind for Kim.

Kim plans to read them all one day - when she's no longer such a busy career-woman.

I'm the tasteful bed covering that Kim displays in her guest room.

I'm the free "chip clip" Kim picked up at a neighbor's Pampered Chef party, where she arrived late, tucked a dozen mini-quiches into her pleather handbag, and left early without buying anything.

I'm the complete collection of THE BEVERLY HILLBiLLIES on DVD covering the show's entire run from 1962 onward.

I'm the underwear that got stained from when Kim found out that they were putting her fat ass in jail. On the plus side, that nice Mr. Huckabee also shoved 3 new crisp hundred dollar bills into me after he diddles her fat pussy today.

I'm the half full bottle of HydroXyCUT that Kim quit using because I gave her the jitters by mid-morning.

I'm the can of hair spray that Kim purchased at DOLLAR GENERAL.

I'm the swiss colony meats and cheeses she serves to guests:

I'm Kim's collection of racist advertisements from an earlier time, which she displays all over her home.

Ain't these just the cutest things you ever did see?

I'm the copy of the voter's ballot scotch taped (off-center) to the fake plastic panelled wall next to the tv tray in the living room. I only have one name listed for county clerk but she displays me proudly.

I'm plate #5 o the 'Princess Diana' collection from Franklin Mint that my stepfather gave me upon my mother's death. Of course truth be told he mainly gave 'em to me because 2 weeks after she passed he married the night nurse (that) mom had from the hospice.

I'm Kim's secret romantic fantasy of going on a "strategy" date with former-governor Mike Huckabee to an authentic Italian restaurant, like the Olive Garden, where they will dine by candlelight and Mike will put his hand over Kim's and tell her that she is his "inspiration" while they slurp on oily pasta and gaze into each other's eyes.

I'm the bumper sticker on the rusty bumper of the old pickup truck that says "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."

I'm the Elvis oil painting that hangs in the front room right above my 1987 wood panel Zenith tv that is always on either Fox News or the public access Christian channel.

.............

I'm Kim's collection of knitted toilet paper roll covers.

Because when you earn $80,000 a year as the Clerk of Court in a county of only 20,000 residents, have six deputy clerks, various other staff members, and you DON'T do your job on religious grounds - you find you have a lot of free time on your hands - for some unknown reason.

I'm Cathy Mitchell. I've never been in Kim Davis's house, but every piece of junk I've attached my name to is.

I'm the copy of "Rubyfruit Jungle," with the cover and title page torn off, hidden in that stack of Joel Osteen books.

I'm the hand mirror kept in the bedside table. Kim uses me to practice the scowl she puts on her face as she hisses, "The authority of God prohibits me...that's who!"

R101. I resent your bitchy comment. I love Princess Diana and have Kim's entire faux bone china dinner plate collection.

I am Kim's XXL Tummy Liner and I've lost my will to live.

She refused to to pay $14.98 for the 4XL, so here I am, struggling in vain to contain a 24/7 deluge that far exceeds the limits of my absorbability. This is not how my life was supposed to be.

Please, sirs, won't one of you take pity on me and get me the fuck out of here? I love The Gays. I'm even willing to move to Cheryl's panniculus. Please.

I am the Roamans Plus Size catalog that is dog eared from Kim flipping through it trying to pick out a new sexy caftan for future husband 5

im the huge bowl of snickers fun size candy bars kept on the table next to the BarcaLounger for when Kim's beetus acts up and Her sugars get real low. You'll find it next to her cpap machine, and her refillable big gulp of Mountain Dew she gets at the quickie mart on her way home.

I'm her 4 marriage licenses, framed and featured on a prominent living room wall.

Thank you r111...I found this website due to your link and my googling. I imagine Kim would have this bookmarked on her computer.

I'm the clear plastic that covers every inch of the furniture and lampshades

You're welcome, R115. However, I assure you, when Kim lifts her panniculus to wring me out, no doves fly out.

For Christmas

Thank you, R113, for making me laugh out loud.

This shit is too funny not to laugh about.

I agree, R114, she has created a montage of her framed Marriage Licenses with her framed High School diploma and she has arranged them all over her sofa in that ugly, stair-step pattern that should be used only for pictures actually on stairs.

I'm the black velvet painting of dogs playing poker that husband #4 keeps in the basement.

I'm the Thomas Kinkade candles. I, along with these, give the bedroom room a soft and cozy glow. The perfect ambience for for Kim D to slowly take off her now grey(but white at purchase) Steinmart undergarments and the light I give flickers off the shine from the sweat that covers her doughy, Venus of Willendorf proportioned meatsuit

Now that's she's famous/infamous - she'll cave to the pressure to do something about her looks.

I'm sure the Liberty Counsel people have already had a meeting about her make-over.

I smell a bad Perm coming for Kim Davis' hair. (Kim, like the Duggar women, think that perm/frizzing the hair around your face while leaving the rest of your dry-damaged hair limp and straggling down to your ass is the latest in haute fashion.)

I am a case of 36 variety back Compeed Relief plasters, to control but never eliminate my fields of corns, bunions, blisters and plantar warts.

I'm the unusually large stockpile of D Cell batteries Kim keeps hidden in her nightstand under her used tissues, Sunday School books, and Focus on the Family appeals for donations.

The batteries...well, there are for that special time, when that big sweaty oaf of a husband is not around and Kim needs to put her feet up on the headboard and feel the earth...move...if you know what I mean.

I am Leslie Hall's YouTube channel. Kim doesn't want you to know about me (or her E.L. James collection, for that matter). Sometimes, late at night, she watches me on her Dell Inspiron 1200 and reminisces about her days as a filthy unsaved vixen.

Kim's List (in progress) of New Rules for My Office

1. Everybody speaks American only! No foreign, devil tongues will be unleashed in MY OFFICE.

2. Rowan Clerk of Court will officially be re-named The Kim Davis Office of Godly Works and Miracles Under the Authority of God and By God (and if you don't like it - get the fuck out).

3. I will be recognized as the Godly Clerk of Court Dictator for Life and will no longer have to run in those silly elections.

Still working on the rest of the list but my stories are just about to come on and I never miss those! You know how us girls are, heehee!

I'm the copy of "Help Lord - The Devil Wants Me Fat!" that Kim hasn't read in 6 years. I'm usually buried on the nightstand under garbage-filled Steak & Shake bags, Brach's Chocolate Covered Peanuts & jars of Pringles.

The cunt makes $80k a year she should have a really nice house inside and out with that salary in Kentucky since the median salary is in the $30k's + her husband whatever that fuck he does? That's considered rich in Kentucky LOL

I am Kim Davis' better half, her lord and master, the man of the house, the one to whom she swore an oath in God's house to love, honor, and obey, till death do us part in the sacred and sanctified bonds of Holy Matrimony.

Oh wait a minute. I don't live here. I haven't lived in the same house with that cheating bitch since another man knocked her up with a couple of bastards while she and I were still married.

I'm her clock: tick tock, tick tock. Satan is waiting Kimmy.

I am the replica Nail from the Cross (tm) letter opener that Kim uses to correspond with fellow misunderstood souls Josh Duggar and Jared Fogel. When not sharing her holy musings with others, I help Kim find ecstasy. Unfortunately I have begun to pit and corrode from frequent use.

This is very funny, sick, and "old DL."

OP is almost certainly not a newbie.

I wish I could contribute but I'm busy running three restaurants/bars.

I do care.

And we're just waiting in the wings for R132 to rot away, which shouldn't be long.

You'll see a whole new Kim when we take over. Ecstasy from a nail? In that wizard's sleeve? Ha!

I just crumbled into dust at the sight of that gift from Heaven. If you could, please coat my ashes onto that glorious device R134.

I'm the printout of the dick pic Pat Robertson just sent over

I'm the 1987 Garfield calendar, thriftily saved and suitable for hanging again in 2015.

I'm the Paula Deen cookbooks and appliances used to upgrade that 1970s kitchen.

I'm the passing thought of the fetuses pulled out of me and thrown in a dumpster. I hope none of the men speak up now!

R123, is that Mamie's 'do?

I'm the 2-for-1 Golden Corral coupon clipped from the local Penny Saver and taped to the fridge. The sight of that Chocolate Wonderall really tests the limits of Kim's Poise pads.

It is done, R135. Rod and staff hath been anointed withest thine hole-y dust. Thank you for your service, my child.

We get down to business tomorrow night. The Seagram's Jamaican Me Happy wine coolers are chilling in Joe's beer fridge in the garage and if there is a God, Kim will receive a divine word imploring her to give the whole musty basement a good going-over with the highest-quality chemicals Proctor & Gamble produce — none of this Equate body mist she usually sprays on the crotch of her drawers in lieu of a shower.

After JanHuck administers the Lysol douche, we expect a secondary Summer's Eve Tropical Breeze douche (and the coordinating deodorant spray, of course) in Kim's Talpiot Tomb in the front, and Clorox-soaked Charmin Ultra Strong on the Toilet Tissue Aid to cast the demons from Satan's Crawlspace in back.

The J-Hammer don't play.

I'm the master bathroom with Astroturf for carpeting, an empty Glade air freshener still plugged in, and a plastic container filled with tiny bars of soap still in their motel wrappers.

I'm one of many shrink-wrapped Christian workout DVDs -- humble helpmeets from long-forgotten New Years' resolutions.

We're forced to share the bottom floor of a rickety Walmart bookcase with several Sweatin' to the Oldies. Frankly, we're a bit worried about Richard. He cries a lot.

If our upstairs neighbors, the Precious Moments Christmas angels, would stop their constant fucking and fighting, we'd ask them to intervene. Well, that's never going to happen. 3:10 in the morning and they're still going at it.

I long for a peaceful shelf at the Salvation Army store. At least there I'll never have to listen to Richard sob about how his dolls are his only family.

I'm the forgotten box in a back corner of a kitchen cabinet full of cheap Barbie doll knockoffs, nude and cut off at the waist, to be stuck into a cake at a later date. The cake will be served with ketchup, as God intended.

We are the tubs of Aldi-brand frozen whipped topping and boxes of instant pudding mix.

We will be used in conjunction with canned pie filling and crushed pineapple, cream cheese, rum extract, and maraschino cherries to make upscale desserts with names like "millionaire's trifle" and "better than sex pie."

#donthate

I'm the Spam Casserole Kim will prepare in celebration of her release..

I'm the missed matched panty and bra sets that have been been hanging in the front yard for the last five days.

I'm the ivory lacquered art deco tabletop in the breakfast nook.

My legs broke off on the first thanksgiving of husband two and the last of my matching high-backed Queen Anne-style chairs folded by husband three.

I rest atop of four empty steelcase filing cabinets.

I'm covered in stacks of newspapers, file folders, and Styrofoam clamshells.

I'm the Margarine Fountain firt husband Earl constructed from an ol' tail pipe from his Ford Truck and used wood from the hound pen..Kim keeps it in the attic for marriage #5.

I'm the little size 14 black pinafore that bitch dreams about wearing someday....

I'm the wood tone de-humidifier underneath the boombox. There are bugs floating in my reservoir.

I'm the china penguin on her knick-knack table which ALWAYS faces due South. I can tell when it's been moved.

I cover every light switch in the house. Yes, I glow in the dark.

I'm the stack of lottery tickets sitting atop the dusty blue and mauve vinyl tablecloth covering the kitchen table. I am tucked neatly under the 1980's cow-shaped napkin holder; the matching salt, pepper, sugar, and creamer are displayed strategically to cover up cigarette burn holes in the vinyl tablecloth. Kim doesn't use cream as she's watching those extra calories, so the creamer is instead filled with meltaway mints.

[quote]I'm the bumper sticker on the rusty bumper of the old pickup truck that says "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."

I'm her other bumper sticker that says "How do you get to heaven? Turn right and go straight."

I'm the cookie jar in the kitchen. I'm supposed to be filled with generic Double-Stuff Oreos, but Kim usually opens the package and finishes off most of them before any get put in me.

It's the night Kim looks forward to every week....BINGO NIGHT at the church social hall! I'm the hot rollers and Wet n Wild blush in "Berry Shimmer" that Kim will use to get dolled up for the evening. I'm also her favorite Quacker Factory bingo top in 3XL that she will be wearing. Top it off with a few spritzes of Jean Nate and she's hot to trot!

I have to hang out with that cunt all day!

Stop! Just Stop! Kim is an earthly angel, a martyr, a rose among weeds. And she was so, so kind to share a few unique, faithful items in her collection that brings moments of joy while her hubby may be away, which she told me he uses as well. Ted Cruz wanted to move in on this as well, but the spiritual power kept him from intruding upon her sharing a tender moment with Mike and myself.

im the computer screen with links to the haven and background pics of twilight's RK, even though its darksided its ultimately about true love, which I hope to find in marriage number 5.

I'm the margarine cat paw prints left all over Kim's kitchen counters and table because kitty goes where he pleases.

I'm her Bedazzled Dildo.I have PTSD.

I'm the grey crispy dry frayed rag on a stick Kim uses to wash her ass back and snatch with. The odor coming from me never dissipates, even when I'm dry, which is most of the time.

I'm the Phil from Duck Dynasty bobble head Kim got at Cracker Barrel. I wish she didn't keep me on the rusty over-the-toilet rack. Some things you can never unsee.

OK, clothing you will NOT see in the Davis household

I'm the crocheted jock strap that Stock Up Queen helped her make for Mike Huckabee.

I'm hanging in the kitchen!

I'm the Motorola television from 1962 that no longer works that Kim uses as a piece of furniture to support the one from QVC that does (work).

I am the whitening strips Kim is using to prepare for her heroic closeups upon her release and the subsequent fundie church potluck suppers in her honour.

I'm one of Kim's lawn ornaments that she thinks makes her place look homey.

That jock is uncomfortably sexy looking to me.

I am the very confused I Heart Huckabees screensaver concealing the desktop background image of the nude bearskin spread of Kim's husbands frolicking like cherubs.

I'm Billy Bass, providing hours and hours of family fun.

EXCUSE ME R171

I have the same lawn ornament and I find it magnificent and a true statement of my patriotism !!

p.s. And I speak American !!

I'm the 'Put the Christ in Christmas' lawn sign that's used as a storm shutter during hurricane season.

I'm Kim's favorite dessert double-stuffed Oreos turned into quadruple-stuffed Oreos...

Three Cartons of me sittin on top of her dresser!

I'm Kim's off-brand knockoff Spanx. I gave up YEARS ago.

If y'all think this is turning me off to Kim Davis, you're wrong! She sounds fantastic. I'm commissioning a needlepoint Eagle with US flag, immediately.

We're the Toilet Bowl Planters ,each one of us marks a sacred swearing of eternal love.

We are five freezer-burned boxes of Lean Cuisine entrees, with 2013 expiration dates. We haven't been seen since that 20-pound bag of frozen hash browns was plopped in front of us.

I'm the new and improved framed print of "Footprints". Kim likes the Comic Sans font but is still pissed that her son Nathan wrote "But I had trouble breathing, you'd grown so large" after the part where Jesus said he carried me. Nathan was a real pistol in his teens. he's straightened up tho.

I'm the family size Fiddle Faddle that fat ass eats in one sitting..

I'm a large collection of "patriotic" items that were all manufactured by sweatshop labor in Communist countries.

Im one of her dirty little secrets in the back corner of her fightable, behind the 50 Shades of Gray large print edition. A low-fat mayonnaise jar filled with dark amber nubs, her collection of saved belly button crud. There are only 27 nuggets in 10 years of collecting.

I'm a set of long stemmed Red Solo Cups, She'll break us out to celebrate her...UNEMPLOYMENT..HA HA..DUMB BITCH!

I'm a K-cup. I'm supposed to be used only once, then disposed of, but I and my family members get used up to 12 times before she finally throws us out.

I am Joe's hat. Unbeknownst to the Davises, one of them high-falutin' folks from the Cruz campaign is having me reproduced in a Chinese sweatshop.

I will be THE fundie Christmas gift of 2015 and the Davises won't see a penny of the proceeds. Sean Cody, on the other hand...

I'm the phone sitting next to her Lazy Boy lounger. My speed dials are set to Dial-a-Prayer, The Psychic Hotline, and QVC.

Im the cum stained peek-a-boo baby doll nightie that my husband wears when Im out glorifying the Lord. I haven't been worn by her in years,since Im only a size 24.

I'm the 12 cans of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom and three large cans of French's Potato Stix in Kim's pantry. She finds more and more uses for us with every church covered dish supper.

We're the grocery store brand of Oreos. Kim switched to us because the real Oreos showed how much they hate America when they moved the factory to Mexico, or at least that's what she says. Ironically, almost nothing in this house that was purchased new in this century was actually made in this country.

We're Redneck Turtle Burgers.Kim liked to eat us while stress eating during her divorces or while pregnant with her illegitimate twins.

I'm the framed 18" x 24" photo in Kim's hallway of a giant Jesus knocking on the side of the UN building.

I'm the two secret Christian Mingle accounts on the home computer. One doesn't know about the other.

I'm the two faded bumper stickers on her car. One reads "Christians ain't perfect, just forgiven" and "My boss is a Jewish carpenter."

On the lower right corner of her rear windshield is a yellow ribbon decal with the caption "We support our troops." Apparently, in Kim's world, this third sentiment in no way clashes with the first two.

We're the still-wrapped, unwatched first season DVD sets of [italic]Full House[/italic] and [italic]Growing Pains[/italic], the only 1980s sitcoms the Lord approves of.

I am Kim's beautiful pumpkin tunic. Unlike her other clothes, I've never been used as guinea pig bedding when the fleece blankets are in the laundry. No, I'm special.

You'd never guess my provenance from looking at me, but I had humble beginnings -- Ross Dress for Less! Can you believe it?

We're the skeletons in Kim's closet.We told her to shut her Cheeto hole,but she wouldn't listen.

We're not in Kim's house yet, but we will do whatever it takes (if you know what we mean *wink* *wink*) for an invitation!

[quote] I'm the hot rollers and Wet n Wild blush in "Berry Shimmer" that Kim will use to get dolled up for the evening.

R158, you LIE! That is Satan's Whore Paint.

When I want to look my best for Jeebus (or the Hucka-hunk), I only wear Christ-approved cosmetics.

Behold:

Jim's hat in r189 is the style of fear of the walking dead, opening scene where the person is walking in the park as kim d. looks on. every warrior is wearing those once the ZA begins. funny how the lead in that show has same name as our hero.

I'm Kim's Grandbaby..

We're Kim's twins,Waylon and Willie..We don't know who are Pa is..

I'm Kim's favorite coffee mug. Mold has been growing on the leftover coffee since she's been incarcerated.

I'm the Gods Eye Kim made while incarcerated..

I'm the drawer full of police reports...many more will be revealed in the following days.

I am the secret basement room that houses Kim's copy of the Necronomicon which is lovingly placed on an altar enshrining a wire coat hanger, an autographed portrait of Joan Crawford, and a rhinestone bejeweled Solo Cup chalice of menses blood.

I'm the post-care instructions from abortion #5. Kim thought she threw me out after her 6th or 7th "religious conversion" but I fell behind her dresser and will cause quite a surprise if I'm discovered by either husbands #3 or #4 -- the date falls during her marriage to #3 and courtship with the future #4, but the daddy is actually someone else entirely!

We're Kim's inbred deformed feet.This is what happens when blood relatives are allowed to get married.

I am sure to have a sacred place in the Kimberly Jean Bailey Wallace Davis McIntyre Davis home. Any good, good Christian sees the beauty and truth in my words...

I am the acrid humidity in all her folds.

You know there has to be a "Thomas Kinkaide" print or poster somewhere in the trailer.

I'm the beloved picture of Kim and Buddy Ebsen.

I am what's hidden under the long sleeves.

Im the lesbian field hockey player stalked by Kim when we were in high school together. My girlfriend convinced me to give her a pity fuck, thus setting this entire nightmare in motion. Kim had such strong vaginal ejaculations, I was covered in goo and the entire team found out and bullied Kim for 2 years, who denied the entire liaison.

I am Kim's "forgotten love child" who was farmed out to a suitably devout family in Yazoo City, Ms.

I am awash in joy because I just won the lead in The Yazoo City Players production of Rent to be performed over the Thanksgiving holiday. My dreams are beginning to become true real mama Kim. Your boy is going to be a STAR!!!!!!! Broadway here I come!

I'm the pile of pizza boxes piled up by the trash can. Now that Kim's home to cook, I'll be the pile of empty fast food bags.

r206 I was her favorite coffee mug which she got as a gift back in 1988. Now, I'm just a pen holder.

I'm the stuffed pig Craig won for her at the county fair the night he dumped her for being a fat pig who wouldn't deep throat, swallow, or take it in the pooper.

Why I'm the bottle of Prell that been in the cabinet under the sink and has not been used in a couple of years to wash that long, nasty and greasy hair.

I'm the memories of the 1981 Sturgis motorcycle rally, one of the few happy times in my life. I'll always remember my time with Switchblade and Magnum fondly and even though I burned my AC/DC record "For Those About to Rock" you'll occasionally find me humming the tune while I Swifter up all the cat hair.

I'm the stack of blank marriage licenses hidden away in the hamper.

You may be the memories of Sturgis, R223, but I'm the photographic evidence. I'm hidden in an envelope that's duct taped to the bottom of a dresser drawer. Kim has forgotten all about me. One day, I'll be sold on Craigslist and I will become an Internet sensation. Kim won't care, though. By then she'll have remarried husband #6, Mr. Jarrett McCain (née Janet McCain Huckabee), who's now husband #8.

For those who think the woman on the left doesn't look like Kim: It's amazing what weight loss, glasses, modest dress, and a Christlike heart can do to someone's appearance. Praise Jesus!

She's obviously slated to be this election cycle's Joe the Plumber. Surely Huckabee will spring for a makeover. Cue "Freeze Frame" and a messy dressing room!

This thread is a friggin riot....All this amusement from one stoned OP...Its fun seeing things from an inanimate objects s point of view for a change.

Maybe we could be things from The Donalds house next.The possibilities would be endless.I really do love the DL..Thanks for the laughs..

............

r214 leave Thomas Kinkaide prints out of it, I love his pics , warm and fuzzy, around Christmas time. Playing with Jess after Rory worked him up was fun.

r222 Prell doesn't go on sale at dollar store. everything is a dollar dumbass.

I'm the hairbrush. I am never used.

I'm Kim's thong buried in mounds of cellulite ridden ass fat.

I'm the empty bags of Chic-Fil-A takeout in the kitchen. Gotta support my fellow Christians!

Besides the take out, a real one.

I hope she does get in more legal trouble.Miss holier than thou, thrice divorced hag. I hope the whole thing backfires and she ends up working at Cluckys Chicken.I think the people she turned away should sue her for pain and suffering.Just who the fuck does she think she is?

She also wears here "Its cock-a-doodle-do, not dudell-do-a-cock" t-shirt while eating her Chick-Fil-A takeout. It's here favorite kind of cock

This thread is amazing.

R163 killed me with the PTSD dildo... and so many more. Damn, the two I wrote are horribly lame in comparison. I need to step up my game.

I'm the box of Big Lots' brand Hamburger Helper, "Panburger Partner."

I'm "Jeebus" The free range house goat. Kim let's me shit wherever I want.She has Waylon or Willie scoop it up for the house plants.

I'm Cheryl.. The secret transgendered love child of my Mommy Kim and Mike Huckabee.

I am the unopened box of Maxi Pads stuffed into the crawlspace. For years Kimmy prayed to Jebus to cure her of her lady hemorrhages that plagued her like that lady in the Bible, and when she turned 47 He finally gave her the miracle.

But she secretly doesn't trust Jebus, so she's kept the box. Case. Crate, really.

R229. The closeted Kim sympathizer who knows her dinky town dollar store and who doesn't realize that it is a generic term for multiple companies with versions of the name with price variations.

I am her toe fungus. I fluoresce when the refrigerator light comes on twelve times a night as she stands there barefoot. The dog then growls when it sees the suspicious pulsating glow. Joe then yells, "SHUT THAT FUCKING DOG UP!" from the couch where he sleeps.

I'll be with her forever.

Unlike Joe.

I'm her unopened Bible.

We're josh and Jolene. Unfortunately, we are Kimberly's parents. That gal has been nothing but trouble since birth. A willful,stubborn little whore is what she is.Have at her!

I'm the mattress and box spring in the master bedroom, trembling with dread every time Kim and the Mr.-of-the-moment go at it. I cringe when Kim gets on top, her massive weight bouncing up and down, pendulous breasts and apron folds flailing, my coils squeaking and screeching like banshees under the assault. I won't even go into the smells that I have to endure. Pray for me.

[quote] I'm her unopened Bible.

That one of her exes gave her as a Christmas present after he stole it from a motel.

I'm her closet case fat son. I can't move out. My mommy and her new found fame will finally get me the cick I've so hungered for. Me Patrick Swayze.....

I'm her closet case fat son. I can't move out. My mommy and her new found fame will finally get me the cock I've so hungered for. Mr. Patrick Swayze.....

Hey yall..I'm Shirley Jean,.Miss Snooty Pants sister.She was always jealous cause I was the the skinny one of the family. Please don't tell anyone she's related to me,I'm semi-famous around these parts. You all come back now,hear?Ya know,Virginia is for lovers.Bye now.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

I'm the confederate flag quilt that her sister-in-law LoraLeigh sewed for her, from Wal-Mart fabric. LoraLeigh threw a fit when she posted a picture of me on a Facebook quilting group and some dumb liberal bitch complained that I was offensive.

She looks every before picture in every magazine I've seen.

I am the half-finished Little Mermaid needlepoint taken away from her son because she "ain't raisin no damned liberul hippie queer in this godly house!"

r241 you dipshitidiot. go fuck yourself.

I'm the bad home perm Mama Jolene gave her at fourteen.Hee Hee...little bitch was mad as hell.All the boys picked on her and from that day forward she vowed to never wash or cut her hair again.No matter how hideous she looked.

I'm her set of Jesus and Mary press-on nails that she wears when issuing licenses to righteous couples.

I'm her Sunday only, religious pasties.She wears me under her sheer, 3x blouse for man trolling at Church.

I'm the bathtub. There's mildew in the corners and the tiles have a cloudy thick film on them. There's a bottle of Jean Nate in the corner and several long stray hairs along my tub floor and clogged thick in the drain.

This dirt ring around me hasn't been cleaned since August 2011. I have seen way too much in my short life. I wish I could die.

I initially searched for Jesus pasties.Lord forgive me,this is the only thing that came up..

I'm a dead fly in the dust-caked plastic ivy on top of her imitation knotty pine kitchen cabinets.

I'm the Summer's Eve Extra Cleansing Douche tucked away discreetly under the skirted bathroom vanity, right beside the box of Ultra Deep Cleansing Biore Strips, and the Bliss Home Waxing Kit purchased on easy pay from QVC. Everything under the vanity is covered in a thin coat of "dust" as a result of Kim carelessly throwing her Ped Egg under there after each use.

We're the withered Renuzits bought in bulk,circa 2010,to mask the goat,dog and chicjen shit odors wafting from the rust colored,formerly mauve,shag carpet.

We're the tattered,urine saked,pile of Beanie Babies.The 12:year old twins aren't potty trained yet.We were found by Kim,cruising the back streets for treasures.

It started as hobby,but later we were used to camouflage husband #3 Dwayes Lees antti-freeze murdererd corpse..Look for her to maker her acting debut on Snapped.

EIEI O U Cunty PIG

Y'all are silly and must know what with all that gubmint money Kimmy done bought the de-luxe double wide, and she done paid ole Miss Erma Jane to clean it fer her.

Them twins been to the real dentist twice already and they aint even forty. Aint no goats in the house, no sir not in a quality park like that, them fancy parks done got rules about that.

She found us on EBay.She knows she done fucked up a pretty good job.Deep down she knows once all the hub-bub dies down,she'll be all alone..

God damn it. I gave her a makeover but I don't want to make an account for a photo hosting site. What's the easiest way to post pictures of our Kim makeovers?

R267, Postimage.org.Pretty sure you don't have the make and account.

That picture is ALL kinds of hilarious R264 ! You have GOT to be kidding me ?!? Overalls ?!? Really ?!?

r8 Did you already know that Lysol began it's history AS a douche? If not, good guess.

r12 Except for those poor clerks who defied her. I certainly wouldn't want to taste her wrath, or anything else she produced.

r106 I believe that pattern comes from "Mini Modiste" magazine.

r116 Don't forget the throw pillows.

r189 They just finished their crowd-pleasin' toe-tapper, "We Don't Wash Pa on Sunday, 'Cause That's the Day We Shave His Back."

I'm the beautiful Thomas Kinkade Painter of Light prints that are the focal point of Kim's bedroom decor. Every Christmas, Kim's assistants in the Clerk's office pool their money and buy another print for her. They are simply lovely.

RR254 Sweetie, perhaps never start lamely trying to project when your criticism is falacious.

I'm the freezer filled to the brim with the forgotten top tiers of Kim's wedding cakes.

I'm Kim's welcome mat.

We're the specialty cakes Kim orders from Sweet Treats by Melissa.

I am the canister of vanilla Slim Fast Kim bought as a first-time bridezilla. We had a nice relationship until early afternoon on our first day together but then she spotted an XXL Slim Jim and never looked back.

Since then, I've moved from house to house with her but she never really thinks about me unless it's to use and abuse me.

I'm a diet product, Kim. Mixing me with Cool Whip to frost your Sex on a Tropical Beach Poke Cake is inappropriate. I feel violated.

And that time with the dog? The jar of Kirkland peanut butter told me it's best if I put it out of my mind, but I can't, Kim. You've destroyed me.

Public Radio Kim

Test

Fail, R278

I give up. Why can't we just upload images from our phones?

I had an OC Kim, and I was already planning Kim Michiganwomyn.

Oh they sound cute! Try again soon.

Postimage is down right now, so that one may work later.

At tinypic, did you copy the URL under "direct link for layouts?" That's the one without tags, ending in .jpg. It should work when pasted into the "website link" field here.

I want to see the many faces of Kim.

Are you able to drag the image itself into the "web site link" field? If the URL ends in .jpg it should show up.

We are Kim's crocs. We are worn seven days a week, rarely with socks. We smell ungodly - ask any of Kim's coworkers who get a strong whiff when she slips us off on hot summer days to walk around barefoot.

Oops. Forget the last sentence. I need an editor.

Hey, all y'all! I'm fixin' to be Kim's Poor Man's Payday Candy Mix. Some of y'all godless libtards will say I don't exist yet...but I do. Y'all gonna say I'm nothing but a mass of sugar and 2 for $3 party peanuts — soulless, unfeeling, not alive — yet here I am posting at y'all. You see, in the split second it took Kim to write the the "ca..." of "candy corn" on her Piggly Wiggly list, I done been alive.

But Poor Man's Payday Candy Mix, y'all's gonna say, Simply Sara is your mama. We saw her create you in The YouTube! Does that make Kim your other mama? Do you have two mamas, Poor Man's Payday Candy Mix? If so, we'll accept you. You're the child of a depraved secular family. We love that!

Ohhh, DL. There's so much y'all have to learn about the ways in which my personal savior, Jesus Christ, creates life. Too bad I don't have time to teach y'all, but I'm too busy fixin' to enter this Sodom and Gomorrah and face off with the devils at MSNBC, Target, and Oreo. Maybe I'll pray for y'all, but probably not.

#sorrynotsorry

Dinner ~ KFC

The Ginny

Kim Davis Michiganwomyn

I am the selfie that Kim sent to Mike thanking him for his support.

r289

I'm the ostentatious bible in the living room.

Bitch has never actually read me.

I am Kim's secret stash of torrented gay porn hidden in her Stations of the Cross folder. Who knew she would develop such a bondage fetish? She may not want them gays to get married, but it makes her so moist to see them get fucked.

I'm her action figure that sits her dusty storage unit..She is now homeless and wanders the streets of her hometown.There are several geriatric locals who remember the infamous Kim.The let her babble incoherentletly about Beanie Babies and Dwayne Lee's ghost chasing her.

Dumpyourphoto.com is working.No need to make an account.

I'm Kim's hairdresser. I died in 1997.

I'm the family heirloom: the tape of the family's appearance on the Maury Povich Show titled: "DNA will prove that you're the father of my twins, not your cousin!"

I'm the slash fan fiction she reads to get off.

I'm Kim's new haid-doo.To her amazement, one of the protesters offered her a makeover. She agreed,hoping it would bring her inner beauty.that she,and only she,feels she has.

I'm the linoleum in the kitchen and bathroom. Im completely worn out between the pantry, the fridge and microwave, yet I look totally brand new where Kim keeps her scales.

I'm Kim's dominatrix whip.I have seen a lot.She is now peddling her services on the dark corners of Christian Mingle.

There's a secret S&M forum that Huckabee turned her onto as she spanked him with a full diaper.Oh,the stories I could tell.I also have PTSD.

I'm Kim's moral compass. I'm still in my box, next to the hairbrush.

I'm Kim's bellybutton lint.I'm sick to death of this useless bitch..Please help get out of here..

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Fresh baked nut loaf

Just trying to figure out what the homoes get all excited about.

I'm one of Kim's hair cooties. I'm speaking for the whole community.We were given to her by Bodean Burdette in the third grade..We want out! if that skank would just open that crate of Prell she bought in '76, we'd be free.

I'm Kim's moldering and festering fungal yeast infectiom.My name is Stanley, I've been here since my Holy Roller host hit puberty in the summer of '79.

I've been down here furiously baking bread to not lose my mind.I'm tired of her assaulting my eyes and lungs with Axe Body Spray.That cheapskate hick needs to splurge some of that unearned salary on some Monistat 7 and let me go with some dignity..Pity really,I used to be such a fun-gi..

I'm the undiagnosed, asymptomatic pancreatic cancer that was detected by the faith-filled, healing pastor at the county fair revival tent, and which was HEALED, YES, HEALED! by the holy ghost and a hand-plant to her forehead. HALLELUJAH, JEEBUS!

I provide all day and night moisture for Kimmie. Li'l Joe loves me.

I'm Kim's size 28 waitress uniform. Here shes checking to see if I still fit.. Although snugger than she remembered, it'll do. The reflection reminds her of her days as "Head" waitress at the 24hr.Tick Tock Diner.

She's brought back to younger days and the old stirrings of wanting to ditch her sensible Crocs for bright red fuck me pumps is still there..Her inner whore yearned to work at Thev Boobie Bungalow strip club down at the busy side of town.

With a heavy sigh,she finally face's the facts..She's a hag from Hell.

I'm the black velvet painting of Jesus and Elvis. It's a nice compliment to my Dreamsicles snow globes.

I'm the figurine of Santa kneeling next to Babby Jeebus that I keep on my coffee table at CHRISTMAS! NOT at "The Holidays!" EVERYONE know that Jeebus is the reason for the season!

Forget inside the house. Look at the outside.

The comfy homestead, even after all those nice family salaries from the County's Clerk Office.

My name is Dwayne Lee.. I'm husband #3.I'm trying to make contact with a psychic medium. I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave.

I'd like someone to get word to authorities that heffer put anti-freeze in my sweet tea.Looked me right in the eye and watched me pour it down my gullet.I'm sick of those red headed bastards pissing on me.I'm under the Beanie Babie mound,by the Chevy up on blocks. Kim did it.

Hell,the only reason I married that sow was because she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch and make it shine.She's so ugly she'd make the train leave the tracks and take the dirt road.

The Dolezal

R229 is Kim Davis' "special" cousin, Karma Kincaide Davis.

I am the singed self portrait tea cozy that Kim knit but forgot about when she went to make her morning java because QVC was selling a Jim Baker commemorative 4 karat gold electroplated hair brush set. The near fire caused her to miss out on the sale, so she vowed to never wash or brush her hair again.

Actually, the makeover @ R316 isn't that bad.

I'm Mary Engelbreit black cherries fabric.

I'm a Thomas Kincade painting with light.

I'm the toilet seat Mee Maw brings by on Sunday for a friendly game of Redneck HorseShoes.They all let Kim win,or she'll have a major hissy fit.

The Autumn DL/Pumpkin Spice Kim

Kim's long lost baby picture.

I'm Kim's unmanicured muff jungle.She doesn't care,look at husband #3.He must be the missing link.

----

"Friends" Kim

Kim found this when she had an emergency sonogram.

R327 She needs to get banged.Her forehead is huge.I was wondering if makeup would help,but I see that it doesn't. The f u was her if glam myself up.I wonder what hair would look good on her?

toys 2 dildos

Here's another,more recent sonogram,leaked to the press.

I'm that rarest of all finds; the Thomas Kincaid limited edition (only 500,000 ever made!) cosy cottage print where you can actually see the tortured faces of the inhabitants as the raging inferno in the cottage lights up the idyllic landscape.

Thomas Kincaid, Painter of Shite.

She sent her old prom pics to DWTS. So far..no word back..

I'm her China pattern.

Snacks! Paleo too!!

I'm the smashed Kmart dinnerware set Kim smashed last time she was drunk on hooch.

Now that I learned she makes $80K/year in rural Kentucky, I'm the 70-inch HDTV she bought on sale at Wal-Mart and the Xbox One and $300 speaker system her husband bought to go along with it.

OMG R84, that is the look of surprise anal.

Wonder if the Davis family vacation at the 'Creation Museum' theme park in nearby Petersburg, Kentucky? They got dinasours.

I'm the moonshine still in the backyard. There's Officer Shady making a purchase. This is the real reason the towns folk stuck for her. Her nickname is Hoochie Mama.

I'm the two-thirds full can of Aqua-Net her 2nd MIL left for her back in 2006

Those hot perky bossoms! I want to bury my face between them, shake my head, and go burrr over an over!

I'm the embroidered cushion she made for her Pentacostal Church's yard sale, Better Rattlers than Tattlers! Pentacostal's, we say it in tongues..baby, stitched on the other side.

Kim's people of Walmart slides.She doesn't mind her feet being filthy,she fits right in.

I'm the humble floral arrangement that triggered the Joe's jealous rage.

r157 that cookie jar is gold. HAHAHAA

...........

LMAO R347! Keep them coming!

I'm Kim's DrainWig. If I didn't love you so much, DL, I'd post a selfie.

r 196, that was a good one

This thread is KILLING me!

Me too, most laughs I've had in ages.

Thank you, Kim, your life has meaning.

Now, if you and Mike Huckabee could only leave your respective spouses (I know - we all need a chart to keep up) to marry each other - it would make Jeebus and me so happy!

P.S. Please physically block Ted Cruz from your wedding as an act of Christian love!

I'm Kim's new favorite T-shirt that says

Kim Davis is the new Rosa Parks! Except she's not Colored.

I made them add that last part, Y'all. Seriously, I'm White, Y'all. (Someone explained who Rosa Parks was to me - she seems real nice for a Colored woman.)

I'm Kim's least favorite t-shirt, but the ex-husbands all seem to love me.

We are the 27 misspelled poster boards that came before the one pictured below. Don't fear for our safety. Kim will cut us into tiny little crosses and decorate us with puffy paint and glitter, then we'll be sent to everyone who donates their full SSI/SSDI check to Kim's legal fund. (One per household, of course.) Our future is glorious!

As always, in-kind donations of paint, hot glue sticks, and glitter gratefully accepted. Praise Jesus!

I am the newly arrived hammer of God that will be used to smite Kim's enemy combatant deputy clerks back into submission come Monday.

I am God's armor that will protect Kim from the evil sins of Man's law. Armed with only the hammer and this holy symbol, because clothes are man's creation and Eve didn't wear clothes, Kim the Warrior Priestess shall lay low all her enemies who gaze upon her raw divine visage.

To complete this triumvirate of relics, I am the QVC sale of the week Febreze Power Sprayer. Kim will need to deal with the stench of sin as it is rapidly purged from those who encounter her radiant glory.

Friday night when the extended Davis clan gather to eat and a fight breaks out over a sandwich.

Early preparation to the truck that shall carry Kim this year as Grand Marshall of the Rowan County Xmas parade.

R360 Something got crossed there. This...

This is Snooty,her prize winning hog.After going on a Moonshine bender one nught,she had Dwayne Lee shoot him between the eyes.She liked to eat Bar-B,-Q in bed and wipe her hands on the bedspread Mee-Maw made her.

C UNT LOL

I'm the 10-function Lovehoney Bedtime Bullet, whirring and sputtering amongst Kim's lady parts as she thinks of Toby Keith being deep, deep inside of her.

I'm the Litter Litter Cak she'll make for Waylon and Willie.She's too cheap to buy the Tootsie Rolls so you uses "fresh" ingredients she finds around the house.

Kim saw the face of the Almighty in a piece of french toast served to her in jail, and saved it. It was a sign she was to be released soon.

R366 that's Grizzly Adams

I'm the "I brake for multiple marriages but I'm still a Christian" tee shirt.

At least she's got straight teeth, and none are missing yet. I guess her mother's 37 years of feeding at the government trough with her job in the County Clerk's office paid for those braces.

I'm the three foot high black shower mold. Suffering from growing pains as I near puberty in Kim's bathroom

I'm the 10% (of $80,000) tithe Kim gives to Solid Rock Apostolic Church ever year.

Howdy.meet the booweevils. Found in the cabinets residing in pasta, farina and instant potato flakes. Often one colony with ambush from another package. It's a fight to the death!

Come on you you insufferable homos! Guided by her T-shirt, Kim loves cocks beyond what you can imagine.

Oh, is she Apostolic? We have some Apostolics around here and they are hard-core fundies. Nasty, mean people.

Funny thread but can we collectively agree not to speak her name anymore? I hate the idea of her becoming some fucking martyr which only fuels the fire. She was a big nothing and I want her to stay that way.

Maybe someone can come up with a perfect DL nickname by which we can refer to her instead.

How about "Panniculus Maximus"

I vote for Kimchi.

I'm the statue of St. Sebastian that Margaret White gave me for my prayer closet.

Kimchi is fine with me. I hate the idea that she is googling herself and loving how much attention she is getting, including here. Feeds her self-righteous bullshit all the more.

I am her autographed framed picture of Jesus.

R380 And yours for the low, low price of only $39.99 (plus P&P)! Operators are standing by to take your call!! Act now and we'll throw in Moses' water wings!!!

R378. Gosh, that looks like Howard Stern hanging there.

[quote]I am Kim's secret stash of torrented gay porn hidden in her Stations of the Cross folder.

Aren't The Stations of the Cross only a Catholic thing? I assume Kim Davis is a Baptist, or Pentecostal, so I don't think her church would have that. Who knows more about this, I'm a Catholic/Atheist!

I'm her special Christmas spectacles. They may be men's, but they suit Kim's facial features so well.

.............CUNT..................

I am Kim's Apostle of the Month pin-up calendar. The risqué depiction of John's buttocks in the bathouse makes July Kim's favorite month.

I'm the petrified, heart shaped dog shit that Kim can't part with.Little Mitzi is just too damned cute..

I'm Mitzi's butt.This is why we were rescued from the pound..

I'm the oversized shit stained underwear under her bed

"But this isn't a play by Del Shores." Love that line from R385's article.

I'm the Baby Jesus In A Blanket she makes for her bible study group.

I'm the Christian Brass Knuckles she bought for when she fucks up again and goes back to jail.She doesn't want her 15 minutes to end

She'll soon disappear back into the crevices of Hicksville, but for now it's fun.

I'm future husband #6; she'll be ready for me after I finish the 5th grade at Davis-Moorehead Elementary where the teacher keeps punishing me and holding me back.

I'm the Ducky Dynasty's Phil Robertson Wacky Wobbler that sits looking out the back seat window of Kim's 1998 Chevy Lumina

I'm never found in Kim Davis' home, as I'm her secret love child she pooped out from that lustful night at the religious retreat. Pastor father unknown. She bought me a new used 1977 Dodge Van to keep me quiet.

R396 - try typing in the correct URL next time.

I'm the 1977 ill gotten van the bastards,Waylon and Willie were conceived in.No wonder those boys have problems,Kim was so shitfaced on Boonesfarm Apple Wine for the whole nine months,its a miracle they can even walk and chew gum.

I'm her entry in the county fair bake-off

Cunty Kim and her dildO

I am the entire line of "Larry the Cable Guy" foods, considered to be American gourmet for the masses. I line the freezer and every cabinet in the kitchen.

I'm the industrial strength douche Kim uses for special occasions, like Jebus's birthday. There are two vats of me-- one is "Sausage Gravy"-flavored and the other one "Chicken and Waffles."

The former County Clerk, her mama, bought Kimmie a purity ring for her 13th birthday. Six months later the ring lost its relevancy and got pawned.

I am a 1998 issue of TASTE OF HOME magazine. I am furred thick with dust. One recipe card is missing. It must have fallen out.

Someone gave me a cinnamon broom last month. Took no longer than 35 comments down and that dust collector just thrown out the door.

I used to use this thread and How Clean Is Your House episodes to get my ass motivated for mundane chores.

I'm the frayed notebook where Kim was trying to figure out who the baby daddies are. "Hmmm...married to husband #2 and fucking future husband #3..."

Which load did Jesus use to bless my womb?

Mostly filled with question marks.