Many Grindr users are not "gay"

younger same sex attracted peeps do not relate to the gay ghetto crap

They are gay. But, a better label for them is "self-loathing" assholes.

Besides, I'm a young person and I have never known somebody my age say they were anything but "gay" or "bisexual" and I live in the Midwest. These assholes do exist because there is such shame and hate attached to being homosexual, specifically, male homosexual, and that has always been and will always be. There will always be self-loathing assholes. This is not new and not going away regardless of the freedoms and equality that gay people recieve.

*receive.

I know one woman that has an account because she's a bitch.

She is a manager and sees her employees on the cell phone. Of course she knows they are fags on Grindr so she created a fake account with a fake picture and when she sees them on their phone, she logs into the fake account to find them.

I don't know what's sadder the fact she does this or the fact that 99% of the time she's right.

And yes, I also know those workers should be working not on their cell phones. But sometimes they are on lunch or other times they are working but on downtime. The job does permit you to do things like read or "do your homework" (we have college students) if it doesn't interfere with your work.

I completely embrace the concept of "gender fluid" as long as that gender fluid is from a male.

The only label that is acceptable to people who are gay or bisexual and unhappy or angry about it is "straight" as they proclaim this lie to the world.

R1, you're an example to all femme les out there

R4, your story doesn't make any sense

R5 I apologize for not being more specific on the scale: As long as that gender fluid is from an adult male human being, unrelated.

How many of these 3s or 4s see a very, genuine possibility of settling down with a person of the same sex? The possibility of actually falling in love, making a commitment, etc.? What it sounds like is that they are willing to expand their horizons when it comes to pleasuring themselves or meeting their own vast and complex needs but aren't quite emotionally available to develop something more profound with either or. They might think of sexuality and romance in terms of their being fulfilled; what about all the other people they enjoy, along the way?

I'm not saying every hook-up has to result in something serious but are they taking that into consideration? Are they okay with using someone of the same sex for no strings attached sexual pleasure and nothing else? They'll probably get it but that doesn't really define sexual orientation as much as self orientation. All humans are a little narcissistic but it's now reached bizarre levels in today's society.

It's the same as trannies. They're of the male sex but don't identify with the social construct of "male", while these people are of gay sexuality but don't identify with the social construct of "gay". Or rather, they claim not to - for whatever reason.

Internalized homophobia is a bitch!

I don't know if Grindr users are not gay, what I do know is that Grindr users are not attractive.

I find them attractive, maybe all the hot ones, see you and quickly log off.

HIV fest

r15 i thought you got that problem with your arsehole fixed? it's typing again.

them being 3 4 5 or whatever doesn't change the fact that they are GAY, what kind of idiocy??

Most men4men will never identify as "gay." The m4m sections are filled with "straight dudes seeking another straight dudes," and warnings of "no gays, please." This is not new.

These are the kind of people who "don't like labels." Whatever. They're still gay whether or not they want to admit it. And it's fine to say "Oh I like both male and female" when you're in your 20s because often times you still have males and female friends in your circle, and you feel as if you identify with both. But by the time you're in your 30s and 40s, that noncommital bullshit doesn't work. At some point, you're just self-loathing, in the closet and hugely in denial.

Just admit you're gay. It's not the end of the world. And you'll be much more at peace with yourself.

"What it sounds like is that they are willing to expand their horizons when it comes to pleasuring themselves or meeting their own vast and complex needs but aren't quite emotionally available to develop something more profound with either or. "

What is wrong with that? Some men are heteroflexible, others bisexual, others heteroaffectionate yet bisexual. What is this bizarre insistence that all men with an interest in men conform to your model of same-sex interest and activity?

Too many fucking labels these days 'heteroflexible' 'homoflexible' are they into guys or not? that's all you need to know. Oh, and most are self loathing gay/bi guys too. They just want to cling to a straight image.

out gays are shameful

R19 I didn't say there is anything wrong with it, necessarily, as long as they make it clear from the start that fun is the name of the game and that's where it ends. Even if people are straight but that's their intention, they should make it clear. Some guys might think "fun, with the remote possibility of something more". If that's impossible to Mr. Gender Fluid, he should make it clear that he's looking for a warm fuck toy, only and that there is never any possibility, ever, of it becoming anything more than that.

"I didn't say there is anything wrong with it, necessarily, as long as they make it clear from the start that fun is the name of the game and that's where it ends. "

Most of them make that very clear. Especially when they mention they have a girlfriend or have "three baby mamas," which can be a major selling point on many sites.

R22 ...and wrong or not, you have to admit it's narcissistic. But then, so are guys who sleep around with no intention of commitment, ever. But if they are sexually oriented towards women, they might become more affectionate with one and there's the possibility of something more.

If Mr. Gender Fluid will not nor can not feel romantic affection for men but he loves to fuck them and then go pursue women for the "real" thing, that should be made clear to prospects. And if someone doesn't mind being the next, best thing to a blow-up and they're aware of it, fine.

R24 Nor am I saying that it doesn't have its appeal. But be honest. Don't be all philosophical about your gender identity but have no empathy for someone else's.

Don't expect ethics out of dudes who cheat.

R1, you are wrong, at least when it comes to guys. Men are more likely to identify as gay. These you gov surveys someone keeps posting reflect sample bias

r27, BS FLAMER!!

r25, what you're talking about has nothing to do with gender identity, which is identifying as a man/woman/gender fluid/etc. You're talking about sexual identity. Guys who identify as straight/heteroflexible/sexually fluid and have sex with men. (I agree with what you're saying about them, it's just your terminology is way off. Mr. Gender Fluid is an entirely different creature.)

Why is it considered noteworthy that bi guys use hook up apps?

CAN U imagine hackers hacking grindr?

I can't get anyone to chat with me on Grindr. I must be really ugly.

R32 Maybe you seem sweet and they think you deserve more than you're asking for.

That shouldn't be that much of a surprise. OkCupid Christian Rudder had already noticed that Tinder is more popular among straight people than Grindr is among gay men.

In any case, in the general male population, Kinsey 6's are a lot more common than Kinsey's 3, 4 or 5, as Yougov's recent survey shows.

However, Grindr selects for fewer 6s, and more 3-5s, as by design it caters to horny dogs, which is a better descriptor for people with any degree of bisexuality than for people who have exclusive sex preferences.

The author of the piece is stupid for taking a survey on Grindr's demographics as representative of a trend among the general population.

gay men treat each other like shit

Why are all the hot masculine m4m non-gay on these sites?

because they are masculine lol

Maybe they are gay but also read DL and think if they identify as straight they will get more attention from gay men.

Huh. So Grindr turns out to be a lot like One Direction. Some gays, some bis, and some straights - all eye candy. Interesting.

And, of course, DataLounge posters are ALL gay.

I love that the guy in the photo used to illustrate this thread looks like he's about to erupt into flames.

Studies have confirmed that describing yourself as "gay" in male for male personal ads greatly reduces response rates.

r38, nails it!!! Straight men are the hot prize because they r not gay!!!

Do you morons ever read beyond the title? Basically nobody on Grindr identifies as straight.

Bisexuals are the prize

r44, they don;t identify as gay either

r16, bI

GAY guys r gross

Look at the chart.

70% were 5s or 6s....which is gay.

11% were bisexual - not surprising.

Also, this isn't exactly a scientific sample. There wasn't random sampling. The people who wanted to answer were the ones who answered....in the way they felt like answering (social desirability bias)...and considering you're asking on Grindr where every profile is "masc4masc only no femmes" - it's not surprising they were already cognitively primed to take their real gay # and move it down 1 level toward straight (I am not buying the % of 5s...put a vagina in front of them and then see what happens).

[quote] If Mr. Gender Fluid will not nor can not feel romantic affection for men but he loves to fuck them and then go pursue women for the "real" thing, that should be made clear to prospects.

"Mr Gender Fluid" is so condescending, who the hell are you to talk, Mr Homo Exclusively? You think you're more special, or better? Because you sound like a screeching bore just like straight guys with their "no homo" bullshit.

And I don't know any bi who doesn't make who they are "clear to prospects". I'm a bisexual woman, sexually attracted to both genders but romantically attracted to women only. That's how it is. And I made that very clear to the few men I met in my life.

If a bisexual guy is into men sexually but not romatically it's how he is, whether you approve or not, he has no control over it. Don't create problems when nobody's at fault. Human interactions, especially sexual ones, are supposed to be pleasant.

R50 "Condescending"? You should talk, Ms. Gender Fluid. See R24 . Re-read it. Reflect.

Some people get off on self-absorbed narcissists, who want to thunder fuck them like a discounted sex toy and discard them promptly afterwards. I can't say the though of it has never turned me on. But yeah, hun, you're a narcissist. Whatever. The World needs all kinds.

Some guys just like to take it one step at a time.

Sometimes it's as simple as a dude is looking for some great free no strings head and there is no easier way than grindr in a major city to find it. Perhaps they rate as one of those 5's on K scale who knows. But neither party in that mutually agreed upon situation gives a shit about the scale at that point. I'm also sure it's used by escorts to to find paying clients. Folks like to get way too complicated and deep about the whole thing.

R49 finally someone with a brain in their head.

Oh please r51. You're being ridiculous, you sound like an angry 14 year old. You're angry you might fall in love with a guy who can't reciprocate the feelings. In other words you're a scared, whiny, little bitch.

And no, really, people who "fuck around with no intention of commitment" are called people who fuck around, not narcissists, "hun", it has NOTHING to do with sexual orientation, because people of all orientation are doing that. It's called having sex. It's not a promise of a wedding, get the fuck over it.

R50 Cunt, descending.

Oooh, what a smart comeback! Your mommy must be so proud of that witty brain.

Stop fighting

Dude! Bro dude jock bro!

R58 That wasn't me! Thanks for being sweet, though.

Geeez, this whole thread is filled with the insane.

R49 How do you think social desirability bias affects the results - by inflating the number of homosexuals or bisexuals? I think in the general population, people are more likely to downplay same-sex attraction and exaggerate opposite-sex attraction. But I'm not sure if that applies to environments such as Grindr. On the one hand, the image of the masculine dudebro to whom sex with men is just an afterthought is titillating to many gay men, we all know that if only from reading Datalounge.

On the other hand, there's this bi guy who comments on Gawker who says he worked for a number of gay social networking sites, and noticed that users who identify as bi receive a lower response rate, and are more likely to get abuse, than gay male users, but I'm not sure he was talking about Grindr. Anyway, he said Okcupid is a better place for bi men.

R53 The men you describe, who treat sex with men opportunistically and as passe-temps, are more likely to be Kinsey 2 and 3. Kinsey 5s are just gay men who at an isolated point in their lives had an opposite-sex desire or crush.

Correct R62 i always screw up each end of the scale which is hetero and homo. But my personal experience with folks certainly has pointed to the general concept is correct. Ran across the entire spectrum over the last 20 years of being sexual active. While there are minority there are certainly those primarily st8 guys that can occasionally surprise you in the right situation. Of course you're a lot more likely to find such guys on Grindr than the general population.

Grindr is more "gay" than other m4m apps like Adam4Adam or Jack'd. Those apps have a much larger presence of bisexual, downlow, and bicurious straight-identified men than Grindr.

[quote]70% were 5s or 6s....which is gay

5s are still bisexual.

[quote]If a bisexual guy is into men sexually but not romatically it's how he is, whether you approve or not, he has no control over it. Don't create problems when nobody's at fault. Human interactions, especially sexual ones, are supposed to be pleasant.

I love that when a bi person says stuff like this they are just being true to their bi nature. However, if I, as a gay man, say the exact same thing (that I'm ok with bi men for sex but not romantically) then suddenly that's biphobia. r50, if a lesbian you were keen on said she's not interested in a relationship with a bi woman, would that be considered biphohia? Why is there one set of rules for bisexuals and another set for everyone else?

R65, A Kinsey 5 is "Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual, " not "still bisexual"

And in the environment of a survey on grindr where everyone is faced minute -by-minute with how bad it is to not be "straight acting" - I will be willing to bet that a pure 6 is going to say 5 because he once looked at boobs and thought they were pretty.

The proper way to study this is not with a grindr survey given to a handful of people (was it geographically spread out evenly, was the age distribution even?). All of these are confounding factors.

Also, we are only looking at grindr users who are looking for sex or "something" - which isn't a normal population of gay men.

R49 - I think social desirability bias is weak in anonymous research, but it still happens. My guess is that the environment of being on grindr would push everyone toward the hetero end of the scale due to the copious among of internalized homophobia and femiphobia that is all over that kind of site. That is interesting what you said about bisexuals... I think the large group of people consider bisexuals as liars on the way to being 100% gay...not something that exists (particularly for men)....so I am not surprised people would take issue with it.

I'm a 5ish. Did the high school gf thing and then there have been a couple of mild largely situational attractions to women since..but def not strong enough to act on. The one time post hs i might have it was with a really good friend and some booze involved. We both agreed it just wasn't worth going there

A better title would be "many grindr users don't describe themselves as excursively homosexual when surveyed" meaning - people make shit up on surveys & people who write articles collapse Kinsey into "gay, bi, or straight" when the whole point is that there are more than 3 sexual orientations.

Who is gay - a kinsey 5 or 6? Only 6 is pure gay. If you found 1 woman attractive in your life enough to kiss her, does that mean you're a 5? Or, do you have to finger her? So Ross Matthews is a Kinsey 5? Ok. Well, then that adds some context.

The numbers themselves are arbitrary representations. The point it's a framework for that sexuality runs along a spectrum from 100% hetero to gold star gay. For a lot of folks it's not so black or white throughout their entire life. Added to that is are layers of age, experience, situation and context.

R70 The point being?

Why is it so fucking hard for you people to understand the concept of situational attraction and that sexuality is not an either/or proposition?

The survey is flawed as per R67, the headline is clickbait because it's not "many" and why should you be surprised that an anonymous pick-up app attracts a higher number of closet cases than exists in the general population

Correct. It's a biased sample from the very nature of what Grindr is used for. 90% of the time it's about hooking up not finding someone to date.

I think it would've been more interesting to study the compulsive behavior of grindr users. I have a friend who has been on gay.com, manhunt, grindr, and scruff since 2002 - at least. Now, I've used all these things... but he checks them every hour - and 50% of the texts he sends me are of screen shots of guys who either rejected him or who he slept with.

We both agree if we could take back all the wasted gay.com and manhunt time (I was in my 20s and still a horny slut all the time)...we could have learned a second or third language... research / invested in stocks, and done SO many other productive things.

Finding out if grindr users are gay is dumb. Finding out what is driving them and why they're always on - and what they are looking for (among the ones who haven't found it in 10+ years) would be more interesting. I'm not passing judgement. I was one of these people and still fall into it sometimes, but I think I know what issues underlie it (validation seeking, loneliness, social anxiety, etc).

[quote]We both agree if we could take back all the wasted gay.com and manhunt time (I was in my 20s and still a horny slut all the time)...we could have learned a second or third language

You could say exactly the same of everyone's dumb hobby. And honestly, I think there's enough research pathologizing gay male sexuality, and gay men per se, even today. We don't hear it from mainstream media, but recently there's been a lot of discussion among sexologists regarding so-called sexual compulsivity, porn addiction, etc., and the predominant opinion seems to be that these terms don't describe real psychological conditions.

It's not gay specific R75. It's not made up that stuff really happens addiction or compulsion to porn, hooking up, websites etc. Some str8 or bi men have the same issues..just the sex of whom they are focused on is different. I've known a couple of str8 guys that were definitely having issues in that area. The only difference i noticed is they just didn't have quite the opportunity to act on it in person (ie actually hook up with another human) and spent a vast majority of that obssseive time masterbating to porn, chatting online with folks etc. The internet facilitates it for folks with such tendencies.

Freaky freaky freaks

Heidi Klum is still a "10".

Should be "Mary grindr users. . . . "

If you're a Grindr user, you're by definition not straight.

R80 I think she disagrees with you.

fsefssf

what is that?

Oh Grindr is lit up tonight in my area. All this talk made me curious. 10 guys in 3 blocks here in Chicago. Wonder if they will take the dog for a walk for me..not feeling it

lots O cock

[quote][R65], A Kinsey 5 is "Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual, " not "still bisexual"

They are also attracted to women, I consider that bisexual. The fact that they are more attracted to men doesn't negate their attraction to women. I think most level-headed people see sexuality as a spectrum with straight/hetero on one end and gay/homo on the other, all the grey area along that spectrum is covered by bisexuality. Most bisexuals are not 50/50, they generally have a preference, but they are still bisexual.

r86 here, before anyone jumps on my comment please note I am making a clear distinction between sexual acts and sexual attraction. A person of any sexual orientation can have sex with anyone but that does not determine their orientation. A bi man may choose to only have sex with the opposite/same sex, he's still bi. A closeted gay man may decide to only have sex with women, he's still gay.

So no, having sex with women incidentally would not make one bi. However, WANTING to have sex with women (even incidentally) would make one bi.

[quote]They are also attracted to women, I consider that bisexual

They're not. But you could say they were or have been. [italic]Incidentally[/italic] attracted means they've been attracted to the opposite sex in isolated cases, perhaps in as many as one time.

If someone wants to collapse a 7 point scale into 3 labels (gay, bi, straight), there has to be an explanation accompanying how it is done. That is one major flaw with the way the author wrote this article. In academic research on gays and lesbians, if the researchers want to use the word "gay" and "lesbian" after using the kinsey scale, the methods section of the paper will specify "we classified Kinsey 5 and 6 scoring individuals as homosexual, and we classified 0s and 1s as heterosexual for the purposes of this study"... or they will describe whatever way they did it. Peer reviewers don't object to this. Also, the other reason this is done is because it's nearly impossible to do a study on a variable with 7 levels (especially since you'll never get a decent number of 2s and 3s compared to 0s as 6s)...so for the sake of simplicity (for the reader) and statistical power (for the author), a typical academic study will typically collapse these things that way.

Grindr guys are more stereotypically gay than other sites. You won't find as many bros and men with girlfriends on there as you find in many men4men sites.

'You won't find as many bros and men with girlfriends on there as you find in many men4men sites.'

What is the attraction to that? is it revenge on women or self loathing to the extreme?

No, r91. It is all about masculinity, not being stereotypically gay.

r56 that's the porno remake of jupiter ascending ;)

Cool

too many are fay

When women say they are bi, they prefer men. When men say they are bi, they prefer men

What you think ur bisexual f.ag hag (most I'd as "straight") is trying to do with a gay male? Just to be friends and never in their lives tried to seduce you. I guess they won with a lot of these grinds guys.

Hmmmm bro

R96 When women say they're bi, they're usually just trying to get attention.