Worst Golden Girls B-Plot

Dorothy gets hooked on heroin and shot in the head. Twice.

Oh, wait--that was Jaclyn Smith in Charlie's Angels.

Blanche goes into granny porn to pay for the roof repairs.

The one where Sofia was dating some Vietnamese gardener.

When Rose was looking for a job and Dorothy helps her write her resume. Dorothy made up a bunch of crap that would never get past an HR person.

When everyone thought Rose had AIDS. (That was just stupid.)

Those were both A-plots R4.

You failed miserably.

When the mouse got in the house. Rose was a country girl, she'd have killed that mouse in a heartbeat. Mice are like roaches or ants to country folk.

You win, R3! God, I hate that fucking story.

[quote] Those were both A-plots [R4]. You failed miserably.

They should have been B-plots, they were just that bad.

Count Bessie, the piano-playing chicken.

Not a B plot-BUT I hate that fucking storyline where Sophia keeps going on dates with Dorothy and her boyfriend, causing them to break up. Then Sophia goes on a trip with her friends right after Dorothy gets dumped. WHAT A SHITTY, SHITTY THING TO DO. I want to punch that bitch right through the screen.

I can't think of one. B plots are a saving grace from A plots that involve visiting relatives, especially of the teen and young adult variety.

When Blanche wanted to be a writer.

Blanche the writer was the saving grace of the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome episodes.

'Yes We Have No Havanas' would have been a near perfect episode if it weren't for Rose's teacher being Adolf Hitler. Ridiculous B plot storyline.

When Sophia and Blanche were conned out of money at the mall. Stupid stupid stupid.

The one where the storyline was inconsistent with a different storyline from a previous episode.

Designing Women was much better.

[quote]Blanche the writer was the saving grace of the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome episodes

You dismissed me

r16

Facts of Life was better AND we were first

Blair = Blanche / Suzanne

Natalie = Charlene / Rose

Tootie = Mary Jo / Sofia

Jo = Dorothy / Julia

Blair was not a slut. Natalie was not a dullard. There is absolutely no similarity between Tootie and Mary Jo.

When Blanche and Sophia get conned at the mall.

They were the lead stories for sure but - dead relatives. I always turn off the Big Daddy and Dorothy's brother dies episodes. Too sad and doesn't fit in with the show. That comedy /drama was better on All in the Family. This show was basically farce and they didn't belong on this happy show.

R21 that's why I think the last two seasons (especially the last) are so great and in reruns have largely become my favorites. Wasn't a radical shift in tone but it was definitely there (new writers new director etc), and it was more...90s? I hate to say it around these parts but almost more Will & Grace -ish.

Anyway for worst B plot I vote that "too der the magnificent tiger" one where Rose and Blanche are writing children's stories and doing illustrations and then Rose finds out they've all been done before. Although the actual scene where Rose does tell Blanche (im not gonna beat around the bush) is delivered expertly by White, all the arguing beforehand is just contrived and so not funny. And the A plot of that episode is no better (I think season 4 and 5 are generally the weakest - and the latter part of season 3).

Count me as another who never cared for Blanche's balls of sunshine bit. Rue could be very good - great- at comedy, but not that brand of "wacky" sort of comedy. More the kind that just emanated from her character (which she was actually brilliant at).

The ones that were disingenuous to the themes of the show. For instance, the one when they're breeding minks for a furrier. Why these PETA supporting actresses agreed to such an episode is baffling.

The Sophia goes to buy a nectarine b plot sucked too.

R10, I never realized how right you are that Sophie totally wrecked the best thing to ever happen to Dorothy! All that bitching how she does nothing on Saturday nights and ruthlessly mocks her. Sophie really was a cunt.

Uncle Angelo moves to Miami and has no place to live so Dorothy lets him stay in the apartment building she and Stan just inherited.

The A plot is yet another Stan-trying-to-get-back-together-with-Dorothy theme, which includes the scene of him buying a date with her at a charity auction.

[quote]Anyway for worst B plot I vote that "too der the magnificent tiger" one where Rose and Blanche are writing children's stories and doing illustrations and then Rose finds out they've all been done before.

And she's got a lot of nerve saying they do it all the time on my show after that episode where Mary Frann, whoops I mean Bonnie Bartlett, wouldn't let Rhoda, whoops I mean Murray Guttman, into her country club, and after they won an Emmy for a script with a "shrimp" joke lifted from [italic]The Jeffersons[/italic].

[quote]I hate to say it around these parts but almost more Will & Grace -ish.

More like the show W&G wishes desperately it could be, but isn't.

[quote] When Sophia and Blanche were conned out of money at the mall. Stupid stupid stupid.

That was barely a plot. They get conned out of some money, feel slightly embarrassed and that's the end of it. I don't know what the point of it was.

Dorothy may have had the most education out of all the girls, so in theory that should make her the smartest, but that doesn't always translate into practical intelligence in practice. She's the most impulsive (smoking, gambling and having casual sex with the voice of Piglet even though they have nothing in common), she blew the chance of a lifetime at her [italic]Jeopardy![/italic] audition, and even Rose turned out to be more professionally successful without the help of a man (from grief counselor to TV producer to hotel owner).

The biggest problem I had with the last episode was the fact that they did little with Rose talking about moving in with her family. She mentions it, then there's a scene with Sophia showing her the basics on how to push everyone's buttons, then she decides against it. It just feels like they didn't have enough time to develop that any further.

The compilation subplots. They are weak and these "cheap" episodes seemed to be played 3 times more than the regular episodes. Can not stand them. I always turn them off.

I can't think of one.

[quote] Dorothy gets hooked on heroin and shot in the head. Twice.

Hmmm, this show was edgier than I remembered.

When Rose got Sophia's left nipple caught between her two front teeth.

The girls taking care of the Lilistrand baby saved that awful Sophia/Martha assisted suicide A story.

Some of these examples are bananas.

Blanche the writer was fucking hilarious - her mood swings alone were worth an Emmy nod.

And uncle Angelo living in slumlords Dorothy and Stan’s place was - well in terms of the gingerbread alone - what led to the courtroom scene with the butter-headed toeball from Cheers as their lawyer, and Angelo’s lawyer, the dashing Lane Davies flipping all the witnesses with a mere compliment??

These were no stinkers, they.

But yours was on the money, R3

The one where Sofia has anal warts

The one where Blanche gets a partial birth abortion.

Whatever episode featured this cunt's face, which we now have to see over and over.

R39 but that episode gave us these:

When Rose was raped in that parking garage. Worst episode.

R39 why is DL so obsessed with her?

It's not DL, it's one troll. Or Hilary Shepard.

When Dorothy lost a lubed up cucumber up her ass and was too embarrassed to tell anyone about it.

r44 speaks from experience.

R45 yes and it's still up there! help me

The episode where Sophia pretends to be Charlie. Sophia was just being plain mean to Rose for no reason. And what does Dorothy say after she hugs Sophia and the doorbell rings? It gets a huge laugh but it doesn't make any sense.

The one where Rose annoys her coworker by buying him a cat, who eats a bird

Agree the art where Sophia Chanel’s the voice of Charlie was awful. No way would Rose have forgiven her so quickly.

How does one Chanel a voice?

[47] Schmaltz is slang to mean overly loving and since they were all I love you and glad you're my mom Dorothy was saying the Schmaltz Police was there to arrest them.

The one where Blanche and Rose take Spanish lessons was stupid because it ended up going nowhere. They took one class and then quit without learning anything.

Sophia's tacky bamboo purse that she always carried around. I'm surprised no-one got fed up with her insults and took it from her and set it on fire or took a crap in it like in A Dirty Shame.

The one where Sofia hit Blanche's grandson and he smacked the bitch so hard her dentures flew out and blinded Rose's sister.

When they caught that home intruder robbing their house and Blanche shoved a shotgun up his ass and fired two warning shots.

Thanks R51, I never got that joke either.

[quote]When Rose was looking for a job and Dorothy helps her write her resume. Dorothy made up a bunch of crap that would never get past an HR person.

Are you kidding?

One glance at it written in pencil with obvious eraser smudges and it would have immediately hit the office waste basket.

The one where the girls found Dorothy was taken medication for 20 years, then convinced her to go off of it.

Then Dorothy went all manic and tried to get Henry Fonda to run for president.

I disliked all of the shows that included the characters from Empty Nest.

When Dorothy wanted to fire their African American maid and hire an Englishwoman instead.

R54 They did something similar to Mink Stole's character in Desperate Living!

When Dorothy invited Dr . Harmon and his ditzy wife Viv over for cocktails with her and Arthur . Her daughter had BIG BOOBS . Florida was sassy too .

When Sophia slit Carol Weston's throat during that Moonlight Madness party. I think she was trying to undo a voodoo curse. Blood everywhere.

This has made me realize that a lot of the best GG eps had no B plot.

Frieda Claxton, Burt Reynolds, Jean the lez, the shrimp...

Blanche and Rose fight to save the dolphins.

Rose and Blanche playing nuns in the community production of sound of music. They kept the costumes on all night. Stupid.

[R65] They had to to convince Uncle Angelo they were nuns.

When Rose tried to hide the giant alligator she'd secretly been keeping as a pet in her bathtub. The scene where it ate Ida Perlberg was too dark, even for GG.

But I loved the scene where Sophia, who'd had her glasses stolen by the paperboy, walked into the bathroom and thought it was just Dorothy taking a bath.

R41 is this the scene you mean, Rose attacked in the parking lot? It was very dark for The Golden Girls, and why was she wearing that yokel hat? Starts at 17:10

R68 that parking garage scene must have been the only GG scene shot outside of a studio. I can't recall any others.

Gripping stuff!

Stan’s limo on Dorothy’s wedding day sticks out in my mind.

Betty's acting in that scene is laughable.

Another crappy B-plot was Rose's dentist gripping her tits.

When Sophia shit on herself. That stunk.

When that hack Blanche Devereux tried to compete with me by writing an artless novel that didn’t even have a regional theme.

R69 The 99 bottles of beer scene (get out Rose) & when they had to return Blanche's car (Sophia yells at her galpal out the window).

How about when Dorothy helps Rose coach the little league team?

Did Rose really think putting a few books under a kids shirt (so he would weigh more) would work once they got to the school?

Why did Dorothy have the final say as to which boy could play on the team anyway? She was just a helper (a.k.a. a nobody).

The 99 bottles of beer scene was just a random shot of a car with a voiceover, R74. Doesn't count, unless you want to count every time a random car pulls up in the opening shots of the house.

The one where Rose gets an opportunity to host a cooking show and blows it, when it's discovered an she's having an affair with a Scandinavian dermatologist.

R76 They both count because they are part of the story like R70's scene (especially Blanche's car being repossessed at the end of an episode)

unlike any car in the driveway at the start of the show that can be easily dismissed.

The episode where Blanche visits Grammy's house, Sophia has decided to be a daredevil. She ends up jumping off the roof into hay. I wish she had broken her neck.

"Journey to the Center of Attention." (Blanche drags Dorothy to the Rusty Anchor bar and Dorothy takes over with her good singing; Blanche then does a calamitous version of "I Want to Be Loved by You.")

The boring B plot was Rose holding an early funeral wake for Sophia so that Sophia could hear how much people loved her. Rose forgets to tell people that Sophia is still alive.

Otherwise, my favorite episode.

Linda Bloodworth-Thomason at R16.

It was absolutely NOT better.

How did the two little sisters that Rose and Blance spend the afternoon with, know which bedroom belonged to Blanche. She was going to show them how she applies her makeup and they walked first into the right room.

Oh, honey, everybody knew where Blanche’s bedroom was.

I mean everybody.

Blanche's bedroom decor is a boner killer.

I bet R18 looks like the mother of a Solid Gold dancer.

The one where Dorothy is afraid to kill a mouse.

You really think they all piled in a car for a scene that is filmed (not videotape) like the rest of the show, where their faces are not even shown, R78? It does not meet the criteria of the Rose in the garage scene ( a scene filmed on outside of the studio). And besides, it's not 99 bottles of beer, it's "Dorothy, M-Mor-othy"

When Dorothy gets her head stuck in Dick Van Dyke's ass before the governors ball.

How come Blanche didn't have a bigger bed or change of bedsheets? That pic at R84 looks like a few cardboard boxes with a blanket flung over them.

Poor R87 has indispensable criteria for filming outdoor scenes of a 35 year old sit-com.

Get a life loser.

We don't do local pizza commercials anymore.

The one where Blanche keeps going on about some murder trial in the newspaper.

The one where the victim was clutching the killer's dickie?

That one-so stupid and random.

Duncan Osgood found comfort in the sensual lake known as Blanche following his acquittal!

The one where Blanche gets to author an advice column, but can't do it so she asks Sofia to do it

The one where Blanche dates Dreyfuss to make Harry Weston jealous.

The one where Dorothy catches Blanche blowing Her son Michaels cock.

Sophia and her boyfriend open up a restaurant, which catches fire. Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose then old-shame Sophia and her boyfriend, telling them they're too old and decrepit to run a restaurant.

[quote]How did the two little sisters that Rose and Blance spend the afternoon with, know which bedroom belonged to Blanche. She was going to show them how she applies her makeup and they walked first into the right room.

I think the red light over the doorway was their first clue.

The one where people writing fake B-plots actually thought they were funny.

The one where Rose won't shag Miles because of the drought in St Olaf. He knew her well enough by that point that she could just tell him why he couldn't give her a poke in the whiskers. Instead we painfully watch her ham-handed attempts to repel his one-eyed monster.

Only funny part is Blanche picking up the St Olaf call at the end and, titalated, saying "Oh it is really comin' down!" Hypersexual slut.

The one where R100 wanted to cut down that big tree and pave everything over with concrete.

Regardless of whether it’s considered a B Plot (it’s not btw) I love that Dorothy Dorothy bo-borothy Vit in Room 7. And then the 99 bottles of beer part after.

When Sophia bought that fucking nectarine. And they made it the A-Plot. That’s 30 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

Any plot where Sophia's character drives the plot is a bad plot. I just noticed that. She's good as a peripheral character, throwing in wisecracks, though.

r104 You'd just waste it anyway.

r100

The one where Morothy was jealous because she couldn't add anything to the conversation, despite so desperately wanting too.

the worst B-plots on Golden Girls are still better than all the plots on Golden Palace.

Breeding minks.

[quote]”Oh it is really comin' down!" Hypersexual slut.

The line is “oh, it must be pouring!”

One of her funniest deliveries, almost as funny as, “Lesbian. Lesbian? Lessssssssbian.”

Don’t take that away from the old gal.

Sorry R110!

As iconic as the "lesbian..." Exchange is-theres no way in hell Blanche would be so bewildered by the word or need affirmation of what she thought it was.

[R75] Such a stupid episode. Why are old women coaching a little league team anyway? Just as stupid as when Blanche was coaching a semi professional baseball player on how to improve his game. What was wrong with these writers.

Wasn't Blanche's technique making the baseball player wear her fishy knickers?

And don't forget Kid Pepe.

r115

Wasn't that because Sofia squandered the CD money on him?

[quote]And don't forget Kid Pepe.

Never!

The most inconceivable plots are the ones where Sophia is getting laid. What a fucking joke. There was no viagra back then and it would be nigh-on-impossible for any old geezer to get an erection for that old raisin in sneakers!

Rue could be as funny as any of the girls. And I’m casting another vote that her short-lived writing career saves the ponderous CFS plotline.

Any of her well-timed, perfectly delivered “get outta here”-s could stand up to anything Bea, Rose or Estelle had to offer.

I disagree. Some of Bea's looks were the best things ever. I think the one I love the most is when Rose get's an AIDS test and gives Dorothy's name as hers.

[quote]is when Rose get's an AIDS test

Oh, dear!

When Sofia has a dream and says "It was so odd, Dorothy was a liberal bitch, Rose was a hyper sexual bitch and Blanche was stupid."

Then Sofia asks the girls to euthanize her.

or that dream where Blanche was Rose's spinster aunt.

I loved whenever Bea delivered a "whoa."

Specifically the one where they go to the hospital and the bandaged guy lifts up the bedsheet revealing his genitalia.

R124 Bea's "WHOA" at the nudist resort was also hilarious.

R125: Is that a legal serve?

R113: Anything after season 4 is sub-part in my opinion. There's a few gems, but you must go through crap to get them in the later seasons. There's a reason Bea was ready to be done after 4....

r124 r125

But she didn't have an ass like mine

r124 The best "whoa" was when she opened up "The Men of Blanche's Boudoir" calendar.

R124 you forgot me!!

Leave me outta it r129

I have to say what I feel. Miami has lost all appeal. In my car, I eat my seafood meal. Mi am mi.

Miami, Miami. You've lost style. Grey skies, rain, deserted white sands by the mile.

When you live in this town, each day is a drag. The coldest of winters for this horny fag.

There's ball clubs and night clubs that no one can reach. Dance the samba at home, then get fined on the beach.

Each view is an eyesore, each day a bad time. The worst of the worst. It's the bottom of the line.

Miami, Miami, you've lost style. Grey skies, rain, deserted white sands by the mile.

Miami, you've lost style.

[R114] Exactly. Such a random thing and of course turns out he likes it and becomes a cross dresser. Idiotic.

The one in That's For Me To Know where Dorothy practically abuses Sophia just to get information about Sophia's past. It's none of Dorothy's business who Sophia was married to or dated in the past. Totally hated how she acted as if she really had a right to know about it.

R131 Bravo you horny, quarantined bugger!

The one where Dorothy tells Sofia that her black boyfriend has dementia and Sofia is like "who cares, he has 12" and viagra"

When Blanche forced Rose to watch an I Love Lucy marathon.

For such a wonderful show, it had a lot of terrible B plots actually. I don't have a favorite episode - it's just certain scenes and delivery of lines that I love... maybe that's why it's so good, it doesn't really have a peak.

Well, at their ages, I wouldn’t expect peaks. Their bras are fighting a losing battle.

I hated all their kids. Cast with terrible actors and they were all selfish cunts.

That one called “Being Sophia Petrillo” where Sophia is constipated and Dorothy pics the poo out of her ass with her finger! Then they smoke crack in the bedroom

*picks

R139 excuse me? ! Their tenancy agreements strictly forbids any illicit substances under my (admittedly leaky) roof!

Blanche becoming obsessed with that crime case in the newspaper was absolutely the worst. It was like the writers were on season 20 and had milked every idea possible and this was the freshest thing they could come up with. But it was season 1!

The main plot being all about Rose’s spoiled daughter being a greedy bitch makes it one of the worst episodes of the series. It’s right up there with Empty Nests and the one where Polly Holliday pretends to be blind by closing her eyes. Just no laughs at all.

I'm the tiny pink g-string that gets mixed in with Sophia's laundry. I end up being angrily hung on the slut's doorknob to shame her but surprisingly I actually was a gift from the boring Professor to the blonde bobblehead.

I hated the entire episode where Rose was hooked on pain pills, but the B plot was the worst. Sofia and Dorothy filming that stupid pizza commercial. Good lord. I needed to take pain pills just to make it through that one.

The one where Dorothy woos a sadsack gym teacher who won't leave his wife.

The one where Dorothy woos a sadsack hippie who won't leave his apartment.

Take three r146?

When Blanche and Sophia get conned at the mall.

Blanche's Maammy

Uncle Vint pays Aunt Ellen and Aunt Fran a visit.

The one where Bea and Betty write that song about Miami for some contest.

Haha, kidding, but the A-plot with Blanche and her bIg Daddy was pretty meh.

The Isaac Newton story sucked.

Jim Shu?

R138 I liked when Blanche had a niece that was a total ho.

Rose getting her GED but only because it contradicted earlier episodes.

I love this thread, it's nice to see someone on this site finally talking about this show.

There were a lot of painfully bad B plots.... so many and yet the show is still the best fucking thing that's ever been on TV. Bar none.

When the elephant in the parade killed Freida Claxton

Blanche's prison pen pal. Or was that the A-plot?

The one where Dorothy got locked in the bank vault with Mr Mooney over a long weekend.

What about Sofia’s alleged daughter - Gina?

I hated the one where Frieda Claxton was named head marshal in a parade and got shelled to death by an elephant. Then the girls all laughed out loud at her funeral.

The one involving some touring cast of Beatlemania and Dorothy sleeping with “Paul.”

Parachuting to reach St. Olav (c’mon!)

The awful one where the girls make a bet on which one can NOT masturbate the longest and they make Sofia the first one to lose.

I loved the one about Dorothy becoming popular at Blanche's favorite bar, but the subplot of Sophia throwing her own wake was dumb. I appreciate that it gave us a chance to hear Jane Dulo tell Sophia off, however.

I liked the old lady that didn’t have anything on her schedule the day of Sofia’s wake but said she was still pissed off.

I hated pregnant MARY.

When the girls went up in a hot air balloon and then landed on Mel's Diner, crushing it.

R164 I think you've confused GG with Seinfeld.

The one where they all gained 100 pounds because they were binge eating cheesecake.

I loved Count Bessie. What about Sofia renting out Dorothy’s room while she’s at Big Daddy’s funeral? Oh wait I liked that.

"Worst" and "The Golden Girls" don't belong in the same sentence. The show was brilliant, and every episode has at least a few lines in it that are gems

bump

Why did Rose leave her old diary from when she lived with 2 pigs just lying around? And shouldn't it be an old diary?