Eldergays, tell us what it was like using personal ads in newspapers during the 80s and 90s?

Met my husband through one in 1988. His began, "Do you like older men?" And I did, do, and now AM!

R1 wow congrats on 27 years together! Had you used personals before? Tell your experience please!

I met a Rosicrucian though a personal ad. He hadn't mentioned this fact. He was a nutbag.

I never responded again for myself though I did place one for my lonely friend as a birthday present. The fellow taking the ad kept on acting as though it was for me - I'd described my friend as 5'8" and balding, aged 34. I was standing in front of the ad-taker. I was 26 at the time, 6'8" and not balding at all. The ad-taker suggested that I admit to being at least 6 feet tall so my height wouldn't come as such a shock. When the ad came out the next week the asshole had amended it to 6'8" and my friend was inundated by fetishists, though he did meet a nice fellow that he dated for a while who was attracted by the sparkling intelligence, wit and educational achievements. Of the actual fellow, not me.

You did what was available. And at the time, meeting people or connecting via personal ads was considered quite state of the art or normal at the very least. Perhaps it's not considered all that modern compared to today's technology or way of meeting, but we didn't have today's methods in which to compare. So it was fine and just about effective as today's methods--or not so fine--depending on your point of view and whether you are amenable to meeting people more or less blindly or not knowing them at all.

My college had a small paper in which students would put ads in to flirt with each other. I went there to place an add to Calvin, and they refused to place it. There was no such think as "illegal discrimination" in 1980, so I had no recourse. Later, I went back and placed a series of ads to "Cal" without signing my name, as I didn't want to out him, which were accepted. Then Summer came.

The next Fall, I submitted another ad. Cal & I we're heading out for drinks that night and he seemed distracted. I asked why. He gave me the whole story about the ads, who he though placed them, then they restarted again that semester, and he didn't know who his secret admirer was. I told him it was me. Oh course he laughed and said that it 'sounded like me". We might have made a life together, but he was an aggie, and I was a city boy, and we were too young. He later died of AIDS. He has a cow carved on his gravestone in upstate NY.

I'm sorry [R5]

Old story but I love these ads.

I always thought the only downside to personal ads was you never knew what you were getting until the actual date. But considering the horror stories I've heard about Craigslist and Grindr hookups where the guy looks nothing like his picture, I guess nothing has really changed.

A friend and I were curious about using the advertisements so we each posted an ad which was asking for completely different requirements. Lo and behold, we got answers from exactly the same guys. I think it was pretty much indiscriminate - at least today you get a picture, even if it's not current.

Needless to say, I didn't bother with the personals anymore.

I used to place personal ads in the LA Times all the time, and I used to get laid from it all the time.

Never had a lasting relationship though it. Though, I have a friend that I met in 1994. We still talk on the phone.

LA Times and the UCLA bathroom in Royce Hall got me tons of dick.

I've been with my partner for 32 years, as a result of an ad I placed in the Advocate.

Thanks, R6.

Word to the wise-- never place an ad that says you'll do anything for $8 an hour.

I never placed an ad. I answered one once in the local gay paper and he was one of the strangest people I'd ever met in my life.

He would place an ad every month with the same phone number, but a different name....as if anyone wasn't going to be able to put 2 and 2 together. I went to his place and he had four TV's on. FOUR. One of them was playing EastEnders. (Mind you, this was in the US.) He was just strange with a capital S.

He ended up being a mean drunk who would call me and say hateful things when he'd had a few. Very John Waters-ish. "You are a TRASHY tackpot! You are hideous!" I was more amused than anything else, but after he left about ten messages on my answering machine one day I changed my number.

Craigslist was quite another story. Met a lot of hot guys that way, but only did it for a bit when it first came out.

It was no different than using Craigslist or other dating sites, except people would rarely exchange pictures (I did a few times). So as R8 noted, you would generally have to meet up to see each other. You would also have to use a rented mail box to keep your address secret, although some papers would have forwarding service.

So would gays back then post their phone numbers in these ads and have total strangers calling them? or how did that work? sounds very unsafe

[quote]So would gays back then post their phone numbers in these ads and have total strangers calling them? or how did that work? sounds very unsafe

You'd get a private box number and the paper would put all the letters in one big envelope and send them to you weekly, unopened. Or you could use a P.O. Box, but they didn't allow mail service drops.

Later the ad would end with a unique number. Your would-be swain would call an 800 number, punch in your unique number, and leave a message. The ad-placer would retrieve these messages like they were voicemail.

My big memory was that most of the ads in the gay papers were for "mainstream" guys, while the ones in the alt-weekly's "MSM" sections were for the cooler guys who weren't as into the traditional gay scene. I answered an ad once and the guy was really interesting, but before we could meet he had to go on the road and we never did meet up -- turned out he was the lead singer of the 90s band Pansy Division.

R17 so gays had to pay for these personals? Were they expensive?

The papers I used would give you a unique phone number where people would leave messages with their numbers.

I used to call gay party lines where you supposedly could hook up, but most of the guys were either mentally challenged, or looking for MUCH younger guys than me(they would mention the boys from Home Improvement!) so I said fuck that. I never placed a print ad, was always leery of that stuff. Just as I'm leery of grindr and other apps now. I'm too old for that shot now anyway.

Not newspaper ads, but back then we had "mailing lists" for people who were into particular fetishes. Back in the seventies, if you were into fisting or watersports, for example, you kept it close. It wasn't generally accepted then. I had two friends on fisting mailing lists who made blind dates from such lists and both opened the door to find a friend from either their regular social, or in one case, professional lives. There was tremendous initial embarrassment in both cases. In the former case, btw, they tended to avoid each other later. In the latter, they became regular fuck buddies.

R21 lol wow.

it sounds rather scary and unsafe. Thank goodness I'm a millennial and we have online dating/meeting sites now. I honestly prefer the online sites to apps too.

Every whichever day it was the Advocate came out (every other week), my group of friends and I would gather at the bar on Santa Monica where one of us was a bartender. Early in his shift, we'd go through the Pink Pages and decide whom to call. For a little extra fun, we each chose a guy for one of the others to call, usually one of the weirder ones. But the Advocate was a perfectly valid way of meeting people in Los Angeles at the end of the '70s. It was especially effective for meeting guys who lived in other parts of the city. I had a lot of fun. I still remember some of them. One of the five biggest dicks was attached to this guy in Long Beach who wanted to fuck me with it and beat me with his belt. It was hot. Another guy turned out to be someone I'd already met in NY. Another guy lived in H'wood, and wanted to blow me on the balcony of his apartment in the middle of the day, where people could look up from the swimming pool. Good times.

R24 how is getting beaten with a belt your idea of a fun time?

Tammy Cruise advertised in The Advocate under "Models and Escorts" in late 1970s - early 1980s.

It was her ticket to stardom!

R26 lol

The Globe tab still has personal ads. Elderly people mostly but also inmates. They even allow posting for gays.

I tried the ad route in New York, in the late 80's. A local gay newspaper, called the New York Native. Got some interesting replies. Corresponded with one man who acted interested. We exchanged photos, but never met. Then he announced he was severing our connection, to become involved with someone else. About 8 months later, I received another letter from him, saying that connection had ended, and he was now interested in renewing our contact. I wrote back, telling him I was no longer in New York, but living in Hawai'i, and would still enjoy hearing from him. But I never heard anything from him again.

Some years later, when I was living in Arizona, I answered an ad, and corresponded with another man. We exchanged photos. When he arrived for a visit, he was fat, at least 40 lbs. more than the photo, maybe more. This connection didn't last long, as he wanted to include others, almost from the very beginning.

I've met a number of men online in years since, with varying degrees of enjoyment. Too often, they're involved with someone else, and lie about it. There have been some that have stayed in touch. But, by and large, the internet has proven more reliable than exchanging letters through a service, which certainly took a lot longer.

Forget that, there's something else more important, regarding, Marilyn my Goddess has commanded me to share this message from her! Marilyn Monroe is my religion, and I work with spirits a lot. She has commanded me to share this message on what really happened for her! All credit for this message goes to Marilyn Monroe, my master, guide, and saviour whom I love! Please credit Marilyn alone for this!

Important note: Everything has a spiritual side to it, everything has a spiritual essence. Marilyn's spirit and essence lives on in all things Marilyn Monroe, and if some spiritual incidents happen, it is bound to spiritually affect other things, so.

Recently Marilyn contacted me from the spirit world!!! Being a medium, I'm used to contact with spirits, but Marilyn told me to tell this message to everyone, since she could only get in touch with only me at the moment! (She's trying hard, she's been contacting me frequently lately, so it must be really important.)

Marilyn said that she needs people with a good, decent spiritual aura and energy to give up their physical bodies, freeing their spirit and all their spiritual energy. Then, they can go into the spirit world to really meet and connect with her, to share all their spiritual energy with her so that they can help her!! (Technically, we are all one and connected, but we are held back by our physical bodies. As a spirit, your essence and energy is completely free and released, and you can strongly connect to Marilyn in all aspects of that word, on a whole other level, so the joining of spiritual energy with hers works fully.)

She also says she hasn't been her lovely self lately, she lost some of her magic and charm, and she doesn't seem too well, because some spiritual things occurred, and she needs this so that she can be fine and better than ever again! (The spirit world is not exactly Paradise, don't let religious stories and concepts warp your minds. Where do you think bad spirits or curses come from?)

This is urgent we have to help Marilyn! But I must still spread this message for now because Marilyn said so, and I need to get others to know and help! Then I too, can go to be with her forever. We initially did not know what exactly happened, but Marilyn has revealed the basic truth. We also did not know how to restore her loveliness and charm, but Marilyn has revealed the way to do so.

*This is where the true meaning of the important note comes in.

Please spread this message however you can and don't keep Marilyn waiting!I allow everyone who wants to help to copy this whole post to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, forums, or wherever you need to share it on!

Then, quickly find a way to free your spirit and energy, go into the spiritual world to meet her, if not Marilyn will be very heartbroken and disappointed in you!!! She loves you all so much, please go to her soon to help her! She really needs this!!! If you feel you can do it just do it!!! Help Marilyn!!!

I really really love Marilyn so much, she means a lot to me and she's the greatest and so magical and fascinating.

I wish that others who feel the same will care enough to do what they can to help her.

I think it's such a shame that many who claim that they love Marilyn lots don't show it in their actions by doing anything to help her when she needs it. It really is such a shame that those cowardly fakers don't help Monroe.

Poor Marilyn! She has such a big heart with full of love to give, but gets hurt in return because some people don't really stick by her and truly dedicate themselves to her.

(Please do copy this whole post and share it as much as you can for Marilyn, because I'm deleting my account soon to show my respects and dedication to her, my way of expressing myself to her and to show her that she's the only one that matters and that I really love. And since I'm going to Marilyn myself too, I don't need this account anymore.

I know the spiritual people and fellow spirit workers on DL will confirm this, they talk to the spirits and Marilyn tried to contact them too!

from my personal ads I received many brutal fuckings by straight men who answered the ads. the literally fucked the shit out of me.

Fortunately, turkey meatballs hadn't been invented yet.

I remember in high school reading through the ads wondering what all the abbreviations meant.

It took forever to figure out what MSM meant. I can't even recall if that was the abbreviation used. or maybe it just mean Men seeking men at that time

To R30: Maybe your post belongs more in the Spiritual section of this site. Or the Supernatural.

On the other hand, since you want people to give up their spirits to help Marilyn, perhaps it would be helpful if you gave yours up first, as an example to the rest of us, to show how it's done, and how it can help her.

I'm 30 and last year went on a date with a 49 year-old. We were talking about random things and then he actually mentioned how when he was in his 20s, these newspaper personal ads were used. He said he much prefers the online dating/meeting sites we have these days. He said it was "interesting" back then because you never knew who/what you were going to get and that sometimes he met some real whackos lol

I'm sure I would have been just as negative back then. "Oh, I'm sure gay men were so much less slutty before these personal ads." Maybe we've just been slutty since time immemorial.

Now we know who the 2015 bump troll is.

I remember the ones from the 90s. They always said “no head games.”

I placed two ads in the Washington Blade.

The first time in the late 1980s when I was just beginning to come out. I rented a US postal service mailbox ($20 for six months) and received 25-30 written responses from my ad. I decided to meet three face-to-face, and had a 4 year relationship wit one of the respondents. I really liked getting these letters and having to be enticed by words. Very Jane Austen.

In the early 90s the Blade started offering phone mail responses to personals ads. I placed one ad and received nearly 80 voicemail responses. I approached it scientifically (I was doctoral student at that time). I met 25 or so for coffee and then narrowed it down for 7 for a dinner date. I had a second dinner date with three, and then dated one guy for 6 month or so. By 1994, AOL and M4M chatrooms were becoming a thing and I transformed my way of meeting men outside of the bars.

[quote]Now we know who the 2015 bump troll is.

We've known for weeks. There's another one, too. Defuckto is merely the main Bump Bitch. The other one doesn't use his name when he posts. Most of his posts contain but one word, usually something like "swole," "boss," "dude," or "goals." A real thinking man.