How would LARRY KING have covered the RACHEL DOLEZAL saga?

Rachel, who's your favorite character on [italic]Empire[/italic]?

Leslie Uggums is our guest. Tell us Leslie, did you always know you were black?

Emma Stone is our guest. Emma, do you think the producers of the movie [italic]Aloha[/italic] should have fired you when they found out you weren't Asian?

My great friend Elizabeth Taylor became a Joo. She didn't have to - she wanted to. She was a helluva broad.

After the break, in keeping with our theme, Joey Heatherton will be doing an interpretive African dance to the "Theme From 'Roots'" -- in blackface.

Rachel, you worked for the NAACP -- can't you just ask them why they don't consider "white" a color?

Audience, we have the Academy Award nominated actress for "Rachel, Rachel" here tonight, Miss Joanne Woodward!

So, Rachel, I've always heard the "black don't crack," yet your skin is amazingly smooth. Is that what you use that EVOO stuff you're always talking about for?

Aside to producer:

Wait.....which one is Rachel? Is it Courtney Cox?

It is, isn't it? I don't know any of the other ones.

She was in the Springsteen video.

I'm dying here!

I get the skin color and the hairdo but tell me, Rochelle, how do you achieve that black-person smell?

Oh I get it. It's a White Belt Man thread that's an excuse to make racist jokes.

Never mind.

Yes, R12, we gays are just getting our revenge for all the fag jokes Eddie Murphy loved to tell at the height of the AIDS crisis.

Just be grateful that most gay people aren't as hatefully disposed toward black people as most black people are towards gays.

"Join me tonight when my guest Latoya Jackson explains why she is living her life as a white woman."

Control Center: Uhh, Mr. King.....

With me in the studio is Kris Jenner. Kris, do you see any parallels with this situation to your own, given your own recent transition to becoming a woman?

Liza, your mother did black-face in one or two pictures. Do you think it gave her greater understanding during the Civil Rights era?

So, Rachel, you were the president of your local NAACP. What was it like working with all of those college athletes?

Rachel ..... can you please explain to us what the AARP has against black people ?

[quote] After the break, in keeping with our theme, Joey Heatherton will be doing an interpretive African dance to the "Theme From 'Roots'" -- in blackface.

And I'll follow her by singing "Toot Toot Tootsie" in blackface.

Like this bitches

Tonight our guests are Shirley MacLaine, who was black in a previous life and Shirley Temple who became black when she married.

How difficult was it to give up mayonnaise?

Does trans-racialism affect the OJ verdict?

So Rachel, what race were you on 9/11?

We have the booted lady from the National Association of Afro'd Cher Pantomimists. What exactly is your attraction to a big black Bono?

On the phone we have Olivia de Havilland. Tell us Olivia, were you upset when you lost the Academy Award to Hattie McDaniel? What was she like off the set and out of blackface?

After the break, Carrot Top will perform Ebony and Ivory

R21 wins!

Tell us, Miss Dolezal, what was it like growing up with a famous Monkee like Mickey for a father?

We have Rachel from 'Some of my best Friends are...'. So, tell me about the one where you are put On A Break.

Welcome, Rachel Dolezal. Look, I just gotta say it: Jolson made a career outta what you're doing and he was one of the greats. So is this a double standard? By the way, you look kinda pale.

Do you ever miss SNL? How did you come up with your character, Debbie Downer?

Did you see Jurassic World yet, Rachel? It's a whale of a picture.

How old were you when you first realized you were a woman trapped in a male body?

On a scale of one to ten, how black would you rate yourself? How would you rate Michelle Obama?

Have you asked Oprah if this is OK? Kathy Griffin ways in after the break.

Now here's a good question - oh, fuck, I mixed up my cue cards. So, uh, um - jeez, this is embarrassing - uh - do [italic]you[/italic]think OJ did it? And don't forget, John Ramsey's calling in from Ohio later.

Ms. Dolemite, I understand you had to use kung-fu to protect yourself from racist sorority sisters. Is it true you blinded one attacker with a 'boob chop'?

How do you feel about that "Annie" remake? Can you sing a few bars of "Tomorrow"?

Lola Falana is on the phone and she is not happy with you Ms. Dozezal.

Can I touch it? (Reaches out to touch hair)

My much-younger wife and I have a black woman who is our housekeeper, Willie Mae Washington. Do you know Willie Mae?

(Larry farts audibly as he pauses.)

I was very close to the late great performer Sammy Davis, Jr. (Larry pauses and appears to choke up but releases a loud audible fart) Did you know Sammy too?

We have 30 seconds before the break. Will do you Al Jolson's "Mammy" for us as we go to commercial?

Ladies and gentlemen, we have Rachel Dole-zal as our guest tonight. Rachel is a white woman who has masqueraded as a black woman for years.

Rachel before the break you refused to sing "Mammy". What do you have against Al Jolson?

Ladies and gentlemen, we have surprise caller. The great Don Rickles is on the phone for Rachel.

" You know Rachel, my wife & I are taking our children to Africa this August on safari. Do you know people, there ? [pauses] We have a caller ! Marion, North Carolina ? "

How influential was C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man on your decision to spray paint yourself black?

Tonight's guest is Micky Dolenz, who now goes by the name of "Rachel".

"Liza, you've had a few husbands masquerading as straight men. Can you share with Racist Dolenz how it feels to discover your closest loved one is not who she said she was?

[quote]Just be grateful that most gay people aren't as hatefully disposed toward black people as most black people are towards gays.

There is a such thing as a gay black person, you know right, grandpa?

How many rolls of twine

What bronzer do you recommend for a man in his 90s, that won't interact badly with Viagra?

I have a "friend" who sometimes, you know likes a little "Flava Flav" or Mandingo role play in the bedroom...

[quote]Just be grateful that most gay people aren't as hatefully disposed toward black people as most black people are towards gays.

R13 You must be new here.