What do you do when poo clings to your sphincter and won't fall out?

A bidet helps.

Hop into the shower.

I just moved into a place with a "smart toilet"

It's amazing. It shoots water right where it needs to go, and the drys you off.

Get one of those.

don't feed the scat troll

What if you live in an apartment or said poo happens at work? Diet changes? What makes this even happen to begin with? No google search has answered the question.

For a while, when I was dating this top - I had the most perfect "clean breaks" (like olympic landings) - and he was so lucky because I had almost no preparation time. Now, the entire area is closed for renovation. I don't know what went wrong.

Sorry - this was inspired by the youtube doo doo sheets thread. I can't even believe I just posted this. I am so wrong in many ways.

Are you talking about a doody bubble OP?

Scooch on the rug like yer dawg.

I'm with you R4 , I used to do great poos with no evidence and then in my late 20's it went downhill. Late 40's now and I never know what to expect but I may get a normal poo 1 time a year. Don't get me started on clingons. I wiggle and pop around and if it doesn't fall off then you have that smoosh to deal with. I have been thinking about buying one of those bidet seats, they look like they will be trouble and a bitch to clean though.

God I love these threads!

I eat yogurt and a high fiber diet and drink Metamucil so my poops are pretty clean with no remnants hanging about.

However after going to a friends b-day party and having too many sweets the next day I felt like I was shitting a Mississippi Mud Pie.

R2, see R1. It's called a bidet.

I am 50 and shit perfect turds. Get your shit together Mary there's no excuse.

Bobby? Bobby Brown???

R9, no. It's called a washlet. It's not a separate fixture like a bidet. They're very popular in Japan.

I knew I belonged here!

Reading the replies, you people must be exceptionally obese. A normal person just reaches back there and wipes it away.

Have your slave take care of it.

Sorry, I admit this is a crazy thread I started...but DL accommodates a lot. :P

I am not obese...R14. Actually, my ass is too small and I've been googling ass fat grafting for the last few years to make it bigger...but that's another subject.

If you wipe it away, you get endless sheets of toilet paper filled with poo...and it gets irritating to the skin if it keeps happening. There are "tucks" for hemorrhoids that can help the situation, but I don't always have them - and plus using all of this makes me feel like I am doing a colon cleanse on myself every time I take a crap. It's a bit much. I want my clean breaks back!

I think in the Middle East they don't use toilet paper, and they have these spray handles hooked on to toilets to clean...which is much cleaner than paper...but I'd rather just solve the root of the problem.

Use wet wipes OP.

How do wipe as well OP? Do you stand or sit? Try either to get the dooty out. But, I would highly suggest wet wipes.

Your poop should not be liquidy/slimey OP. You need to change your diet to include more fiber and fruit and your dump will restore to its youthful shape, finely clipped from your anus.

Hey god dammit I'm eating.

I'm so glad I don't have to do anything as base as shitting (and farting).

Eat lots of ground flaxseed and/or chia. I put it in yogurt, on fruit, some salads. Especially in salad dressing.

I have ground flaxseed...so that's easy. I only used it because it was in some smoothie recipes, but it's probably stale now. It would really help? I can see fruit would be helpful - and I do not eat much fruit (carbs carbs) - but I eat vegetables.

I actually saw a doctor about this 2 years ago - well, not *this* specifically - but the constant variation between this & general IBS issues (sparing details here - i am not a scat troll - promise!) He gave me so much lomotil, I still have half the bottle 2 years later. It works well, but I don't think it's healthy to constantly take...though he said people with IBS take it daily. It would make this stop, but it then makes you poo rocks. So... I am between a rock and a clingy place...unless diet changes really help.

Also, I have been taking probiotics as well, but I don't think they do anything.

Probiotics will help.

Dude, a large jar of Walmart metamusil is like 3 bucks.

increase grains OP. Oatmeal, cream of wheat, etc. that'll harden your dump up.

A couple of cups of coffee in the morning guarantees a nice fluffy shit.

Isn't this something you should be discussing with your mother...you know, like Summer's Eve.

Psyllium husk is a MUST if you aspire to have "clean getaways" as I call them.

A handful of cashews before bedtime works wonders.

You need to start eating a diet that will allow your asshole to snapper shut.

I recommend you increase your daily intake of Play-Doh.

This happens to my dog when he gets constipated: there's like this once piece he just can't squeeze out. You just have to keep wiping and digging and pulling and rubbing with the baby wipes until it's all clean.

It doesn't happen often but when it does you can be sure you are in the most public of places with the maximum amount of people walking by so that he can have a hissy fit/meltdown (small breed) while you are trying to clean.

Does anybody's butt cheeks here seep off the side of the toilet? Just curious.

R30, this happens to my Bichon on occasion and i have to grab both hind legs and give her a good shake or two to get the straggler poo to drop. Sometimes i have to almost violently shake her and she seems to be so confused, yet grateful.

It always tracks back to Andy Dwyer.

HA R32 made me laugh out loud.

you need a q-tip...just pluck out the clingon

I put Chia seeds and raw pumpkin seeds in my smoothies but instead of drama free poops I get slow moving window caulking..like crapping tooth paste. A series of slow moving narrow soft rope. Not satisfying at all . I'v actually stopped with the seed smoothies because it was causing bowel problems.

I have a bidet toilet seat at home and I hate to go without it. However, I found a portable method for work that makes such a big difference for me--seriously, try it for a few days to get the hang of it. It's wonderful. I'm providing a link to it--it's ridiculously cheap and works way better than products that are actually marketed as "portable bidets."

Listen, if you are having trouble eliminating completely (you don't make that entirely clear - is the poo inside you?) you need to see a gastroenterologist and get a referral to a Board Certified Woman's Health Physical Therapist.

I'm guessing you are a guy, but women having more openings with sphincters, the specialists are certified in women's health.

If you are in the Boston area I can post a name for a referral.

It worked for me after a lifetime of problems.

OK, I just reread this thread and it sounds like you might increase your fiber intake, but basically you have 2 anal sphincters that have to open at the same time to make eliminating easy.

Not everyone is wired the same way. As I mentioned I've had trouble for a lifetime until I saw a Physical Therapist. It works.

Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. I shake it off, I shake it off.

It continues to amaze me that people are this ignorant about something so basic. Listen up. It's this simple. Move your ass from the toilet to the side of the tub. Use handheld shower to spray water on ass. Use finger if you want to be certain of cleanliness. Done! Finished in less than 30 seconds. A clean ass for the rest of the day.

But no. Many of you would rather walk around all day with shit stuck to you, whining about this mysterious problem that you are baffled about how to solve.

I eat mostly raw and I have no gas whatsoever, and I poop like an infant, once or twice a day. Love it.

I would probably add one more step plus another 30 seconds (you seem to be very efficient)

Clean tub.

r43, why does the tub have to be so pristine when these slobs have spent most days of their lives walking around with shit smeared on their bodies. Not saying you've done that, but there is this weird idea that some seem to have: that getting clean is somehow worse than being dirty. Oohh, I'm not getting feces on my tub!!!! It's staying on ME!!!

Through vomiting I read this whole thread.

I agree with the bidet suggestion.

chile... from the beginnins of time... a showa has alway been about gittin yo aiss, yo ampits an yo hair clean. They other parts jiss don't need no cleanin. I know how they alway sho they womens on TV washin they arms an shit.... but honey... yo arms ain't be dirty. Less'n you be workin on cars or somethin.

This aint me but you needs to watch this

R42 makes me laugh.

I hope I was supposed to.

Psyllium Husk, once a day, clean evacuations!

how much psyllium to take?

I tale a heaping soup spoon mixed with about 12 oz fruit juice. Mix well and drink quickly before eating dinner.

The next morning things pop out clean as a whistle!

I pay a handsome young gent to remove it for me. With your money, of course.

I scoop it with my fingers and eat that delicious chocalaty caramel goodness.

I meant chocolaty. I'm just so excited thinking of it in my mouth, op.

The problem is a weak colon. It isn't strong enough to push things past the tight sphincter.

psyllium husks, mineral oil. Any laxative will help.

Numerous things can cause a weak colon. Age is the number one factor, but cancer is a cause as well. Colon cancer occurs more frequently with people who engage in anal sex.

Just get a physical, talk to your doctor.

Great, now OP has cancer.

how do you strengthen your colon?

[R56] "how do you strengthen your colon?"

Take up ass tennis.

Why do you think the song "Shake, shake, shake, your booty" was written?

My morning routine includes pooping so I get up early enough so that it happens with enough time so that I can sit on the toilet relaxed and not in a hurry for work.

I also wait to shower until after going. Sometimes I find myself waiting a lot with no desire to go so I just take my shower and deal with the poop at work, which I hate.

After reading that...

[quote]I eat mostly raw and I have no gas whatsoever

Riiiiiiiiiight.

I see Charles Laughton is posting at R52.

One of the few things my dad actually taught me: If you have to wipe more than twice, you're not done going.

In my home, there is ALWAYS a sink next to the toilet or I don't move there. That way I can wet the tissue to make sure that I'm as clean as possible without a shower. Bidets are not meant to work on that particular area. If I'm not at home, I wet a couple of TP balls before I sit down to make sure that the job gets done.

At a nearby Japanese restaurant, the bathrooms have those high tech toilets. Those are pretty gross when every Tom, Dick and Harry are using them. I noticed that the wand that shoots water had someone's poop on it.

Tea spoon or a kitten.

Danny Thomas

Under a glass coffee table

Poops are people too

Not all the time, Billee

Can you show us a sample?

Lift up the seat and (carefully) squat, one foot on each side of the bowl. This position helps align your colon better than sitting does.

Best done at home, really, since you usually have to take your pants all the way off.

[quote]What do you do when poo clings to your sphincter and won't fall out?

I'd thought you'd NEVER ask!

poo in sphincter = poo in beard

OP has poop in his beard OP has poop in his beard OP has poop in his beard OP has poop in his beard OP has poop in his beard OP has poop in his beard OP has poop in his beard OP has poop in his beard OP has poop in his beard OP has poop in his beard OP has poop in his beard OP has poop in his beard OP has poop in his beard

Take a fish oil capsule every day.

I call the guy who lives upstairs and ask him whether his mouth is clean.

Oh! My beautiful mind!

Sexy

This is why it's handy to use the handicapped stall. The hand grip bar in the stall can be used in an emergency to pinch off any loaf that is hanging from your innards.

Yum

Judas

I keep my local scat queen on speed dial for such occasions.

I get licked clean and make a cool hundred, and he gets to sample my "homemade fudge"!

Win-win!

This thread is the buttered topping

Yuck