Let's pretend we're in a TV commercial in the 1970s

i'm the dance track in the background, something like "The Hustle." It's upbeat and perky, to offset the bad economy.

I'm Toppie Smellie.

I'm the bulge in David Naughton's corduroy slacks that makes me want to be a pepper.

I'm the "foxy" guy in tight belt-less slacks and a Quiana shirt, with a mustache and Jewfro!

I'm Hai Karate, the top choice of cologne for mid-century douchebags.

I'm the Deborah Raffin or Jennifer O'Neill lookalike with clean, fresh-scrubbed, natural beauty, advertising Agree or Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific, or as The Girl in a "Tastes Great! Less Filling" ad.

I am the Frito Bandito.

I'm the bowl of Palmolive dishwashing liquid that Madge has your fingers soaking in.

I'm the label label label on which it says Libby's Libby's Libby's.

I'm the Quicker Picker Upper

I'm the choreographer for an appliance commercial.

I'm the yellow yarn bows in the hair of the Calgon Chinese lady who says, "My husband -- some hotshot!"

I'm riunite on Ice!

We're the pickles and the lettuce. Some redheaded lady from Indianapolis said to hold us and that she was scared. Have it your way, bitch. Who would want to hold you? You smell like dirty pantyhose.

I write the ads that make the whole world shop,

I write the ads for band-aids, bleach and mops.

I write the ads that make the fat fraus cream.

I write the ads, I write the ads.

I'm Enjoli -- "the 8-hour perfume for the 24-hour woman!"

And I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never ever let you forget you're a man, even as I wear a lot of polyester casual separates.

I'm the man in the Right Guard commercial who opens his medicine cabinet and finds his friendly neighbor.

Hi Guy!

I'm the hourglass glass in the ad fir one-calorie T@b!!

I'm gonna shoot the next person who posts here.

I'm Charlton Heston, and I'm the NRA. I dare you to try it, R19.

I'm the Coca-Cola Singers. During Vietnam, I must have represented a reassuring view of the future, but today I just look like a cult.

"Meow, meow, meow, meow.

Meow, meow, meow, meow.

Meow, meow, meow, meow.

Meow, meow, meow, meow."

"I like tuna.

I like liver.

I like chicken.

Please deliver."

I'm Mason Reese's spine-chilling giggle during a particularly terrifying extreme close-up. Forget about [italic]The Exorcist[/italic]; this is the most horrifying thing you'll see all year:

"Mor-RIS! Time for din-din!"

I've been sweet and I've been good.

We're Sabrina, Kelly and Kris

I am jingles

I'm the neverending despair, anguish and self-loathing that makes Charlie the Tuna want to take his own life.

I'm the fat lady (average by today's standards) who does the Chow-Chow-Chow with her cat at mealtime.

R28 = Tuna that tastes good.

There's thousands of sure fire lights

And a flame that adjusts to different heights

Cricket lighter

It's a dollar forty nine

I'm a foundation undergarment that lifts and separates.

I'm career-long product characters, long before Progressive's Flo.

Madge

Mr. Whipple

Rosie

The Maytag Repairman

I'm "high-profile" spokespeople whom nobody has heard of in the United States.

I am strong, I am invincible, I am woman, and I will not be here when that skeezy guy with that Mr. Microphone picks me up later.

R34 is a cunt

We're the 7 kinds of fruit in Hawaiian Punch

I'm the mind-fuck that comes from seeing Margaret Hamilton shilling Maxwell House coffee during the annual CBS broadcast of [italic]The Wizard of Oz[/italic], or as I used to call it: Gay Rosh Hashanah.

I'm Tina Turner at her most broke-ass, doing a Pearl Drops Tooth Polish commercial in 1972, licking her teeth orgasmically while bow-chicka-wow-wow music plays.

I'm Space Food Sticks. Too bizarre to ignore, too nutritious for Mom to object to, too tasteless to be believed, and too wonderful not to have a full box of in the kitchen somewhere!

I'm the shards of glass that used to be a wine goblet until Ella Fitzgerald hit that high E flat.

I'm Rula Lenska.

I'm Mikey, and there were more urban legends about what became of me than there were cereal commercials starring me.

I'm your K-Tel ready-made "mix tape" album

I'm the creepy, unsettling feeling in the DP's gut while framing the close-ups for this Jordache commercial.

We're gonna go Hawaiian

I'm the fake substances used to make Shasta foamier and a smear of Dove on the cheek creamier.

I will not be allowed to appear in commercials for long.

We're James Garner and Mariette Hartley. We've never heard of selfies.

At least the OP is culturally astute enough to realize that the 1970s didn't end in 1980.

We're aging studio system silver screen legends who were left out to pasture as " free independent agents" and could only land low budget commercials

I'm Tony Scott, paying my dues before Top Gun comes along.

I'm "Bloomingdales." Like no other store in the world.

I'm the Plop Plop Fizz Fizz commercial that plays in the background while the albino tries to kill Goldie Hawn in Foul Play.

R50 were you not considered enough of a "legend" for the Blackgamma ads?

I'm the tall glass of Tang R40 drank to wash down those Space Food Sticks.

I'm also surprised to see they still make it. I thought it had gone the way of Funny Face Drink and my beloved 7-Up candy bars.

I'm Anthony. And Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti Day.

I'm the hot pole vaulter in the service of NBC's increasingly desperate attempts to make its crummy programs look good.

LOL R44, I listened to all those K-Tel albums. This one takes me right back to dancing in my cousins' white paneled room.

Mamma mia, that's a spicy meatball.

I'm the union label.

"Emily, why do you have to make such a big production about everything?"

[quote]We're harvest gold, avocado green, and baby shit brown. We're the default color scheme and there'll be no escaping us here or anywhere else in popular culture until about 1982.

When we'll be replaced by even more revolting combinations of teal blue, burgundy and tan.

I am the black version of whatever white baby doll was being advertised during Saturday morning cartoons. I am only featured at the end of the commercial in a still shot next to Miss Ann.

I'm Ernie Anderson, "the voice of ABC."

I am smoking, when it was cool.

Ice Bird, Ice Bird

You're such a nice bird

I'm the special order burger without the pickle and lettuce.

How many little kids sliced off their fingers with that Ice Bird contraption? For you 70s kids, your parents clearly didn't love you.

Diarrhea

I'm people walking around in the outdoors or on the street clutching an enormous pack of Wrigley Spearmint Gum against my waist.

I'm the Lego your dad stepped on right before he shouted something about "son of a fucking BITCH!"

Oh wait, that wasn't a commercial. Nevermind.

I'm Ron Popeil.

I'm the Wilson leather coats, mirrored glass, and chain link safety fences advertised late Friday night during Svengoolie's Screaming Yellow Theater on WFLD-TV Chicago.

[quote]I'm the mind-fuck that comes from seeing Margaret Hamilton shilling Maxwell House coffee during the annual CBS broadcast of The Wizard of Oz, or as I used to call it: Gay Rosh Hashanah.

I am the inferior business sense that leads Cora to declare that she only has room for one brand of coffee when the many dozens of cans of Maxwell House on display in her humble emporium show that she has ample room for a much wider selection of coffee.

Go back to R35s clip of Mr. Microphone and take a good look at the tall, slender black man dancing down the hill. His feet get tangled up at the end and he almost goes flying down the hill.

I'm the shag carpet someone has to rake.

I'm the plastic egg that probably costs more to produce than panty house inside.

The egg is the house of the house of the panty!

I'm the giant comb sticking out of the back pocket of my Gloria Vanderbilts

I'm a Public Service Announcement

I'm smart, sexy, and confident.

Call me CHARLIE!!!

No Shelley, you're SHALLOW!

I'm Jello 1 2 3 and having me is so sophisticated!

I'm the FCC regulations that limit the amount of commercial time on network TV prime time to 10 minutes per hour. Enjoy me while you can.

I'm the Nevele hotel in the Poconos. This is one of my later tv ads.

I'm Kool-Aid man. Oh yeah! Oh, and they did not drink me at that Jim Jones compound in Guyana. That was Flavor-Aid. Trust me, you don't wan't that shit.

I'm Mickey Rooney doing a beer commercial the same year I played an alcoholic in a Disney musical. For this I gave up [italic]All in the Family[/italic]?

I'm the clean, crisp feeling you get from 7Up, or as doctors call it, gas.

Wow, R85, what a swanky resort. The wall art at 0:24 looks like it came right off a bottle of mouthwash.

I'm the Milford Plaza. I swear they played my commercials in the late 70s as well as in the 80s. I'm the lullaby of old broadway.

Dusty, Lebso, Dusty, ridding Nugget, Nougat, Nugget

She's riding west, she's riding east

Time to move to Timor Lieste

And Nudge it, nudge it nudget it.

R3 the digitally-transferred copies of that are so dark & grainy now that it’s barely visible. Sad.

It’s only just possible to make out a foetus Ralph Macchio dancing in it (and boy, does he ever ping).

I’m the housefrau in the Lestoil commercials with Mr. America Jim Haislop. Except my hands would be all over him, not the bottle of Lestoil..

Mr. America with housefrau number two.

Sorry, wrong link above.

I’m the housefrau in the Lestoil commercial, except my hands would be all over Mr. America, not the Lestoil bottle.