Ethel Merman!

Lance Bass

Kevin Spacey

[all posts by racist flame-bait shit-stain removed.]

Meryl Streep- after she does Callas. Bitch can play anyone!

Streep is closer to Merman than Callas.

"You're nuttier than that kid of yours" The Merm commenting on Jackie Suzanne's autistic son.

Ethel

Lance

Merman's personal life wasn't all that interesting from a dramatic point of view. She achieved success at a young age never lost her money or her fame. She never really changed or grew but remained vulgar and somewhat immature. She had a series of failed marriages and romances. Her children were alienated by her, as were many of her one-time friends. Her closest successful relationship was with her doting parents.

Adele

Bill O'Reilly

Only if I can direct it.

Sutton Foster. Big, brassy, nasal voice. Average looks. Can tap a little.

I can still play a 20ish me when that brassy broad made a staged-impromptu interruption of my guesting on the Judy Garland show.

That loud, vulgar bitch made me sing along as she bellowed that tedious cliche "There's No Business Like Show Business!"

As you can see from the look on my face, I wanted her to die right then and there.

Princess Diane von Furstenberg-Diller. She's got the ugly harridan part down pat.

G.

Lupone, of course.

Nathan Lane

La Midler?

Loud, arrogant, obnoxious, sort of in show business?

Rosanne Barr.

Could be done by Bette Midler, but she's much classier than Merm ever hoped to be.

Madonna

It takes a Merman to play a Merman!

Cillian Muprhy -- much too pretty.

[quote]Merman's personal life wasn't all that interesting from a dramatic point of view.

Are you kidding?

Ernest Borgnine ending their marriage on their honeymoon by pulling the "dutch oven" trick on The Merm... that's the end of Act I right there!

Borgnine told fellow actor Frank Wilson that he spent about three weeks of his 32-day marriage arguing with Merman. By the end, he recounted how she came back from a film one day and said,"The director said I looked sensational. He said I had the face of a 20 year old, and the body and legs of a 30 year old!", Borgnine replied, "Did he say anything about your old cunt?". "No" replied Ethel, "he didn't mention you at all."

Kim Criswell. Duh.

Bette Midler would perfection...

Kathy Bates.

"Sort of" in show business, R21?

That's like saying the Clintons are "sort of" in politics.

R30: "sort of" as in "she's been dead for like 40 yrs".

Can Kirstie Allie sing?

Hisssssssssssssssssssssss!

Well, since Divine is dead, how about Jessie Mueller? Or Melissa McCarthy?

[quote] Divine is dead, how about Jessie Mueller? Or Melissa McCarthy?

One of these is not like the others.

[quote]Merman's personal life wasn't all that interesting

Someone once posted here that her only known hobby was typing.

Don't know whether she typed extemporaneously or, maybe, propped up the phone book and typed a few columns every so often.

She did come off sounding extremely uninteresting, though.

Merman worked briefly as a typist before Girl Crazy made her name on the Broad Way stage.

Whomever it is, she must be able to kill Disco. No, I mean it. She has to be able to literally KILL 15 years of spectacular Disco with just one CD.

Ethel Merman aborted Harpo Marx's baby, little know fact...and she was reputed to have had 12 abortions.

[quote]Ethel Merman aborted Harpo Marx's baby, little know fact...and she was reputed to have had 12 abortions.

"Tie a can to that little broad's tail ... and yank it outta me! I got an AUDIENCE waiting!"

bump

Mary-Kate & Ashley