I've accomplished nothing with my life

Me too, plus crushing student loan debt.

More or less the same here.

Sorry to hear that, R1 and R2. I didn't think I was alone.

If I could go back in time, I'd tell myself to not drop out of HS, not to quit my first job and not to buy my first car. After doing those three things, is when my life started to go to shit.

Once you give up the myth that life has to mean something, it becomes quite enjoyable. Life just is. Think of the natural disasters you read about in other parts of the world that kill thousands of people in an instant. Your life is no more precious or important than theirs. Enjoy everything you have. It's a gift and not a permanent one.

Why did you DO that? Success, education, achievement were DRILLED into me as a child. My family was an overachieving, beautiful, smart family. Dysfunctional as hell but I was thrown into that environment from birth. Did you come from a family that didn't give a shit? A blue collar family? Were you the n'er do well in the family? The black sheep? What kind of socialization did you have? People who squander their lives usually have had no direction, no guidance, no support. And it's not too late.

MAKE THE NEXT FORTY YEARS COUNT!

What does it matter if nobody misses you when you're gone, OP? People doing historical research may come across things I've written in books but it doesn't matter if they know that I'm dead or alive. It doesn't matter if they don't know my name. If I give someone a helping hand tomorrow, that counts more than if they'll remember me when I'm gone. Show someone some kindness this week. That's what's important.

When you're dead do you really want people to feel bad? They should be out living their own lives. All that matters is that you make yourself happy with how you live, not anyone else. My fear is that your claim, that you've accomplished nothing, is based on what other people would call "success" or "value." But what they value wasn't really what you value deep down, is it? I think you're dancing around the issue of what you really want out of life. If you face it, you'll find you're not as far off from what you want to accomplish as you think.

Well, at least you managed to scrape together $18. That's an accomplishment!

It all goes so fast... so fast.

I condole you op.

I've squandered 3 decades...hoping to turn it around starting this year.

What is it that you want? To win the Nobel Peace Prize? Just live your life with integrity and be a generally kind person. That is a great accomplishment that anyone would want to look back on proudly.

I wanted to have as much fun as possible, that was my most important goal. I don't regret it but the fun is over.

Hey R6, I like you.

OP, I've got you beat by 10 years. I've squandered 50 years. Listen to (R4) he is wise.

Have you been happy? Did you enjoy moments of life? Did you ever re-enact the opening of The Sound of Music while wearing a bath towel wrapped on your head?

Life is not about building a resume; it's about appreciating the moments you have.

Some people try to do what everyone expects them to do...life is still a crap shoot. Just be who you are and if you feel like changing, change.

Factoid 1: 99.99% of all species that ever existed are extinct and forgotten. What did they accomplish?

Factoid 2: 6.5% of all people ever born are alive today. The other 93.5% are almost all forgotten. What did they accomplish? Even those who are remembered only exist in the field of fiction called "history." Most so-called famous and successful people did incredible amounts of harm to others.

I concur with most of the previous posters. "Accomplishment" and "wasting time" are illusions that dies with the individual. If you lived a life that did little or no harm to others, then you've lived a sucessful life.

Could ya' toss me a coupla' bottles of water before you off yourself?

OP I could have wrote your post. It is funny because i am afraid that I have had this idea constantly on my mind for the past year.

what r4 said

[quote] I could have wrote your post.

Well, we do know one thing that you haven't accomplished.

Count me in as well, OP.

I'm 37 and have accomplished nothing.

I have a shitty job, actually two shitty jobs and am swimming in debt. Not credit cards, etc.. Student loan debt. I have no credit cards, only 3 car payments left but the default on my student loans is killing me. I have 25% of my paychecks garnished by the Feds for going to college and trying to better myself.

I live paycheck to paycheck and can barely make ends meet.

Forget savings. Fuck, I can't even afford to invest in a 401K.

OP, we would welcome you. How do you feel about flying?

I have a cunty aunt who told my sister I would "never amount to anything".

I was 35 at the time; I'm 40 now. That comment stung horribly. It still does. Sad thing is, I haven't done a lot to disprove it.

I have never wanted any responsibility. At all. I knew I wanted a job that was routine and easy. I do not like to test myself, set goals, or excel in any way. My granfather was rich, my father was a doctor, all my cousins went to Ivy League schools. I've a wide circle of friends from millionaires to those about to go under at any moment, and I appreciate all of them. I've found millionaires need more help than those on disability.

There are outer journeys and inner journeys. I used to feel inadequate because I didn't care to accomplish much. It was all made worse because of what I was told was my "intellect" and the fact that I turned down family offers of employment (I couldn't see myself designing HVAC for churches, nor could I see myself slaving away as a corporate lawyer or working in the hotel business). Yet, I'm kind of a natural philospher (unread) and the mysteries of life still amaze me. I'm a loner, but not necessarily an introvert. I'm opinionated, respected and communicative, and not intimidated by those who others might fear.

If, at the end of your life, or even in the middle of it, you find yourself with one or two good friends, a roof over your head, and groceries in the cupboard, you've done well. Do not ever measure yourself by other's success. Measure yourself by how people feel about you and if you've done some good in your lifetime.

I think you'll be surprised at some point in your life that the definition of "success" seems different than it once did.

Life is what you make it. What matters to YOU may not matter to the next guy. If you want to create your own personal illusions that your life is all about "making a difference" or leaving a legacy or that you "matter more" and have some sort of destiny, then who the fuck is it for anyone ELSE to argue that? That is YOUR belief system and you are entitled to it.

In the end, I think kindness and compassion for others is perhaps the MOST important. "If you can't help someone, at least don't hurt him." We are all only visitors here.

We are what we think we are. We create our own reality.

This school loan business...why didn't your parents tell you that borrowing thousands of dollars is a bad idea?

Warn the next generation.

R26 sounds like a most interesting chap and one with whom it would be nice to philosophize over a brandy!

My motto is do whatever the hell you want in life and don't give a damn what anyone thinks. In as little as no time after your death, no one will have known who you were or what you did or didn't accomplish. Enjoy life and stop worrying about what others think.

Who says you have to accomplish anything? It's quite possible you are here to simply exist. Stop reading Kipling.

I thought we were simply suppose to survive.

In my last life I probably just harvested rice...I hope I didn't fuck my daughter.

Dear R5,

Low self-esteem and no real direction. I've inherited enough money to live okay, but not grandly. Folks say I'm very bright (and I suppose I am), and I don't think I'm all that bad looking (average). Somehow, I've just never got my act together, although in a way I'm pleased that I opted out of the office-politics rat race early. I do try not to dwell on what "might've been" as much as possible; I'm one of those "The Secret" type folks who believes almost anything's possible, just doesn't seem to be working for me.

r31 I've never Kipled, what's it like?

How do you define "nothing"?

I know I've helped out people many times in my life in many ways. That makes me pleased.

I'm happy with the choices I've made. Those dicks weren't going to suck themselves.

Well they could have, but it would have been awkward for them R36.

We seem to have at least one post a month of this very topic.

Are you all the same person, or is one person just using DL as therapy?

(Not really trying to be shitty, just curious.)

Well OP, we're not all going to be remembered for eternity like Princess Diana.

OP, the purpose of life is not necessarily to just be noticed by others through your accomplishments.

Certainly only a few or minority of people in the world are noticed for accomplishing anything out of the ordinary.

Where did you get the idea that most people accomplish something that gets noticed by others?

The vast majority of people in the world are average and ordinary, and they are not living any type of life or accomplishing anything that is particularly special or important or other than humdrum.

Maybe the OP is sort of feeling like a 'nothing' in the world.

The feeling being feeling like a nothing in the world rather than feeling that one has not accomplished much or anything.

I've been feeling like a nothing in the world off and on lately.

meant to type:

The feeling is one of feeling like a 'nothing' in the world rather than feeling that one has not accomplished much or accomplished anything.

Who, R39?

I think R42 has zeroed in on my issues. Waking up every morning knowing I'm not essential to the functioning of society can be heartbreaking sometimes.

When both my patents have died, I really don't know what I'll do with myself everyday. And waking up every morning for the next 40 years, being unneeded and being useless is a little bit scary.

R45:[quote]When both my patents have died, I really don't know what I'll do with myself everyday.

Invent something else.

Honey, you're too hard on yourself! You've accomplished being a gay man living in what is still, by and large, a cruel world.

Pace Stephen Sondheim: "(you're) still here!

[quote] Waking up every morning knowing I'm not essential to the functioning of society can be heartbreaking sometimes.

Just being a peaceful presence on this planet is your contribution. Think of all the spiritual masters that are living in complete solitude in the mountains. All they are doing is being peaceful and intune with nature. And their presence radiates outward and bathes the plants and animals in a healing, uplifting energy.

To all the people in this thread who think they "don't matter" because they don't fit into a paradigm that is generally celebrated in magazines and other media -- you matter more than you know. Try to allow yourself to love and accept yourself exactly as you are and know that, in doing so, you are helping everyone.

There is a lot of wisdom in this thread. Define "accomplish." I don't have much family, my job is mostly menial tasks, but I do help people every day and though I will not be remembered by history or mourned by many, I feel good about my life.

Read R4 over and over and over again.

Accept the fact that you are an ordinary person, not Stellar, not Magical, not Special. Stellar, magical and special equal narcissism. If you work, pay taxes and don't cheat people then you are the absolute backbone of civilization.

What you focus your attention on grows, if you are always immersed in self pity over who you are not and what you don't have then you will see more and more of that. Self pity sucks, it is addictive and it wastes your life. Want an accomplishment? Everyday resolve to treat yourself and others with respect, that's something to be proud of and it will change your life and the lives you encounter.

My partner and I have moved to the country from NYC and have some steady clients. We work from home and have an income that supports us and provides for savings.

Our move to the county has completely changes us.

We now have zero interest in acquiring the junk of life. We are more connected to people than we ever were in NYC.

I love you, R46.

OP, you matter.

Yes, we live in a culture that shines the brightest light on those who are outwardly 'successful' (famous and/or earning a lot of $$$$), 'attractive' (if you fit into a certain aesthetic category), or "unique' (some amazing talent or personality trait that most others don't possess).

But, guess what, most of us are not going to be icons of our time. But that doesn't mean we are chopped liver. Somewhere along the way, a lot of us got brainwashed into thinking that they are either 'all or nothing', i.e., if you're not "#1" who walks out with the Oscar or the Super Bowl title than you 'failed'. Not true.

This is very cheesy but it's the truest thing I know: What matters is love and kindness. Period.

The old cliche of "People won't remember what you did, but they will remember how you made them feel" is true. At the end of the day, your acts of everyday kindness are what keeps the world upright. All of those tiny, momentary acts of kindness (smiling at someone, opening the door for an older person, calling a sick friend to cheer them up, sending a donation to a food bank or animal shelter, etc) matters.

I went to a funeral recently of a VERY successful business person and community leader who, frankly, was a lifelong jerk. The church was full but mostly out of professional or social courtesy. This person left no real legacy except a lot of memories of being an entitled, rude diva who treated others in a dismissive or outright rude way...

If you get trapped into the endless loop of not feeling 'enough' then you will cheat yourself and others of a really meaningful existence. You are smarter and stronger than your doubts. The next time you feel like a failure, go out and do one random act of kindness however small and something tiny will shift inside of you. It takes practice and doesn't come overnight, but you can shift your perspective of yourself into something truly meaningful.

(Yea, I know, 'Mary! Get a blog!")

That may be Caroline, but do you really think the dolphin slaughter was the cause to choose to change your image?

R5, being from a blue collar family does NOT equate underachievement.

Both my parents worked in the timber industry. On the side, my dad also was a pilot and obtained many certifications. Both of their families were definitely blue collar and some family members were your typical low-achieving hillbillies. Both of my parents took education and achievement seriously, but didn't push my brother and I. Neither of us turned out to be losers. I am the first in my family to obtain a Masters degree. I've also started my own business. My brother has a great job with the government. This talk about blue collar families not taking achievement seriously is hogwash. I grew up with many kids from blue collar families who are smart, articulate, and successful.

A friend asked me a few years ago what was on my "bucket list" of things to do before I died and I thought about it and realized I'd already done them all.

[quote] Both of my parents took education and achievement seriously, but didn't push my brother and I.

Not in the English department, at least.

In the last second of your life OP, you will realize none of it fucking mattered anyway and the so called achievements of mankind are useless in the eye of the universe.

Late 40s birthday today for me. I won't specify the number.

I work at a big box store, stocking shelves for $9 an hour, 30 hours a week so no benefits. People are embarrassed for me when they find out what I do. And of course, it's stocking shelves at a store. I'm not building a legacy.

But you know what? In the 30ish years I've been "wasting my potential" on this planet, I've had more variety and intensity of experiences than most people can imagine. Professional and otherwise. Love highs, drug highs, work highs, god highs. Shit that would explode hipster heads.

I'm grateful for every painful and joyous moment. Most of them, anyway. I feel lucky to have lived during this slice of human evolution. Experiencing the before and after of cable TV, personal computers, all sorts of cornerstone technology. Going from being fearful to be out even in college to being legally married in 17 states. And more political and cultural crap than I can remember.

My life will mean nothing, be completely lost and forgotten in the grand plan within 20 years of my death.

I'm okay with that. I'm okay with now.

Don't be so hard on yourselves. Being gay in a straight world takes some time to process.

Unless one has cured a dread disease, freed people from oppression, or produced seminal art that will endure few of us will have "really mattered".

Even if you are in the midst of a loving and appreciative circle of family and friends, your memory will only last as long as they all live. Eventually we all are forgotten. It is the way of things.

if some little punk decides to lay some Dead Poets Society crap on me on my deathbed I will rise up and take him with me.

I love R62.

[quote]This day I completed my thirty first year, and conceived that I had in all human probability now existed about half the period which I am to remain in this Sublunary world. I reflected that I had as yet done but little, very little indeed, to further the hapiness of the human race, or to advance the information of the succeeding generation. I viewed with regret the many hours I have spent in indolence, and now soarly feel the want of that information which those hours would have given me had they been judiciously expended. but since they are past and cannot be recalled, I dash from me the gloomy thought and resolved in future, to redouble my exertions and at least indeavour to promote those two primary objects of human existance, by giving them the aid of that portion of talents which nature and fortune have bestoed on me; or in future, to live for mankind, as I have heretofore lived for myself.

And you know who wrote that? Merriwether Lewis, explorer extraordinaire and confirmed melancholic bachelor with a penchant for furs, dandy clothes, colon-cleansing kits, MARYlike household solutions (when his men were struck by a severe hailstorm...he collected some ice and made punch!)...and perhaps an unrequited crush on William Clark?

Sometimes as gay people we're very hard on ourselves. Ask any married heterosexual with a family and they'll tell you their biggest achievement in life is their offspring. OK sometimes they HAVE to say that, but my point is they have a fairly easy out - and now we do too.

Not every step in our life's journey has to be precious! Just live it. I'm in total agreement with r4 and I think (s)he has definitely shed some light on how to live, making me feel better along the way.

OP here. Lots of great comments, thoughts and poignant words posted here. I have to be truthful and say that a lot of what I've read has made me feel better about my place in this world.

This morning I went out to shovel my parents driveway; the cute guy I'm crushing on from the apartment next door, chatted with me as I did; came inside and made a nice meal, and enjoyed it with my parents.

Overall, it's been a pretty good day. Having one million dollars in the bank would make it a perfect day, but otherwise, a pretty good day. And I guess that's not so bad after all.

Glad you're having a good day, OP.

So any chance you and the cute guy next door will make it happen? Is he interested?

[quote]So any chance you and the cute guy next door will make it happen?

Most likely not, R66. Even if he were gay, I'm fairly certain he do a lot better than me. Simply put, he's thin and attractive, and I'm not.

And yet, it's so easy to make a difference or leave your mark in this world.

OP or whoever,

Why don't you seriously get involved in a political cause? Gun control, animal rights, whatever--find something you really believe in, find a group of people who also are trying to make a difference, roll up your sleeves and get involved in life. That's how you make a difference.

I know lots of people with a million in the bank (or portfolio): not one of them has time to chat with a handsome neighbor. (Actually, none of them have handsome neighbors.)

Nobody can have the best of every kind of life. If you want leisure time, you won't be a millionaire.

I don't know, R68. Looking out the front window, I see the neighbour across the street shoveling his driveway with his adult sons. He's worth well over $2 million, and chose to keep his shop closed today because of the weather, which meant his sons could stay home too and spend time with their families.

However, my next door neighbour was out of the house at 6:30AM shoveling a path in his driveway so he could get to his job at Walmart.

Having money gives you options that having a minimum wage job does not. Oddly enough, being unemployed gives you the same options as a millionaire.

R69 is interesting: his neighbors include a millionaire and a Walmart employee, and he spells "neighbor" with a "u."

R69,

Out of curiosity, what kind of neighborhood do you live in where one neighbor is a Walmart serf and the other a millionaire?

The hardest working person I know is my dad, who is a millionaire. But he's one of those people who sleeps only four hours a night, and spends all of his time working, talking to clients, reading trade mags or newspapers.

OP, if you don't feel like you've accomplished anything with your life then do something about it. Whining on a gossip board won't change things.

The notion that posting on a gossip board will change things is yours R72, not the OP's

OP the only person your life has to mean something to really, is *you.* ...That's not to say that being a selfish ass is the best way to live life, but if you measure your worth by awards or money or crap or status or anything that takes into account OTHER people's opinions of you, that is a slippery slope.

I love R4 's observation too; although I wouldn't say life is meaningless exactly, I would say it just doesn't have to be PROFOUND and we all aren't Pulitzer winners or Presidents, etc. We don't have to be to matter...the people who matter the most in my life are my friends and family, and none of them are especially rich or famous, and if they happen to be, that's not why they matter to me.

Also, think about this: who won last year's Best Actor Oscar? I watched it...I can't remember. Who was last year's Time Magazine person of the year? Can't remember. If you are comfortable with modest means, a modest job, a simple life and not a lot of drama, what is wrong with that?

We ALL matter to someone, somewhere...even if it's a pet, or someone's driveway we shoveled, or as other posters have pointed out, someone we helped along the way even with something small.

This notion that everything has to be huge and on tv to matter is just phony and stupid.

There are posts on this silly board that have mattered to me more than shit people have said to me in real life. And what poster was thinking as he or she wrote it "I'm going to change someone's life today for the better with this snarky comment"...?

So...just keep on doing what you are doing, be happy with what makes you happy, be a good person and do what you can here and there. And if you have a shitty day, forgive yourself and start fresh in the morning.

Happy Birthday, r59!!!

[quote]and he spells "neighbor" with a "u."

Because I'm Canadian, R70.

[quote]Out of curiosity, what kind of neighborhood do you live in where one neighbor is a Walmart serf and the other a millionaire?

A neighbourhood where the millionaire moved here in 1966 when the subdivision was new, and never left, and where the property next door is a rental property.

As far as your own father goes, I'm sorry that he father works himself to death, rather than spend time with you.

R76,

Thanks for the response.

I wouldn't say he works himself to death: it's what he enjoys to do. He doesn't really like spending time with me--oh well. :)

Me? More useless than tits on a boar hog.

Lovely post from R64.

yep me too.

wish i never finished high school and college.

waste of time and effort.

i'm broke and futureless.

education gives you nothing without nepotism and wealth from birth.

Me. Squeezed out 2 puppies but that's hardly an achievement.

Thank you for this thread, OP. There have been some great, profound posts in here that have brought me a measure of peace with things I didn't think I'd ever be able to accept, and I never would have read them if you hadn't started the discussion.

Listen to the single called 'Carry On' by a group called Fun.

I'm serious - it will make you feel much better.

And it's a compelling, uplifting piece of music and lyrics.

It says if you're lower than low, pick yourself up, and carry on.

But they say it in a very catchy tune and lyrics.

OP,

[quote] “Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer.” - Joseph Campbell

[quote]“Follow your bliss. If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be. If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn't have opened for anyone else.”

It's never too late to pursue your dreams, OP. To love a fulfilled life. Don't worry about accomplishing the goal or if your dream of living with fulfillment or feeling whole never comes true, goals are not meant to be met. It's the pursuit, it's the adventure of trying to achieve those dreams and goals, that's all that matters in the end. That "try" will make you feel alive.

[quote]“We're so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it is all about.” ― Joseph Campbell

"We're in a freefall into future. We don't know where we're going. Things are changing so fast, and always when you're going through a long tunnel, anxiety comes along. And all you have to do to transform your hell into a paradise is to turn your fall into a voluntary act. It's a very interesting shift of perspective and that's all it is... joyful participation in the sorrows and everything changes.” - Joseph Campbell

To any of you who feel as though you accomplished nothing, if you are blessed with good health, please volunteer at a homeless shelter, low income clinic or hospital, or an animal shelter. You will then, very soon, mean a lot to many.

Sometimes, accomplishing a lot and being truly successful in one's field is highly overrated.

I just got home from having my dog put to sleep. I sat down on the couch and looked at her empty dog bed and realized my life is nothing. No kids, no partner, no job, and now, no friendly face to greet me when I come home. I know it's the grief and it will pass, but right now I'm wondering why I bother to stay alive.

R88, hey kiddo, sending you hugs and condolences.

When you're ready, there are many friendly faces that would love to greet you at the end of the day.

This is for you, OP!

Aww, I'm sorry R88. You provided that dog with a happy life, more than many can say. When you feel a bit better, lease consider adopting a dog or puppy. Feeling needed gives purpose.

Me neither OP, but I don't think you're meant to "accomplish" anything in life. Unless you're born in priviledge, and then you really have no excuse. But most of us are just scraping by.

Not all mean are born equal.

R89 and R91 Thank you for your kind words. Someday I'll rescue another little one but right now I'm just too heartsick to think about it

What does it mean, to "accomplish something"? Seriously!

I'm 46. I need major advice: I got my AS degree when I was 20. I decided recently to go back to school to get my BS degree but since I had D's in a lot of my classes from community college, I had to re-take them. That's taken me 2 years part time and 20k in debt. I am no further along than I was before since I still have the equivalent of an AS degree technically!! Do I cut my losses now or keep going? I still have two fucking years to get off this train and it'll only be a Sociology degree!! Crying as I type.

[quote]I just got home from having my dog put to sleep. I sat down on the couch and looked at her empty dog bed and realized my life is nothing.

Oh, so sorry to hear about your dog! I had to put my 11 year-old greyhound down last week, and I have been inconsolable. I too am single, and live alone pretty far from my family. I have some very nice friends, but my sweet dog was such a source of true companionship and joy. It is very difficult because we are told it isn't that important....It is! Be sad, and know you gave a great pooch a loving home, and were there for him every day. I hope you feel better in time, but let's give it time.

We are need to learn how to manage our expectations.

R96 Condolences to you as well. Amazing how much your life revolves around one little dog, isn't it? I went to the kitchen to get breakfast and looked down where her food dish should be and teared up. Don't let anyone tell you it's silly to grieve for your dog, they are just as much a treasured part of your life than anyone else.

Sad about the dogs. I love greyhounds. I didn't realize they had such long lifespans. I live alone, not dating, same old thing like Groundhog Day all week long. My cat died last year (17 years) and I'm waiting to retire to get another pet as I work at 12-14 hour day with the commute. I may not be able to hold out till retirement because lately I've found myself smiling as I watch dogs being walked by where I work.

Question: I know this isn't the right string, but do you leave your pet alone all day? If I got two dogs (or cats) would they be okay together? I'm over 60 and retiring in a few years. But I miss that unconditional love and affection.

R95, get that degree! If you're almost finished with it, go for it. It's an accomplishment. Don't be apprehensive, just do it and graduate.

R99 I used to work 12 hours shifts and my dog was fine. Is it fair to them to be alone all day? That's something you'd have to decide.

R95 if a degree is beneficial in your chosen field of work, then it is worth the cost. With some work, you can track down scholarships available, ask at the financial aid office. Are you filing your FAFSA for federal and state aid?

Life doesn't have to be about "accomplishment" but it is much better when a life has MEANING.

In concentration camps they used to torture people by making them drag heavy boulders back and forth with no purpose. Human beings need meaning in our lives.

Personally I believe we are here to better ourselves. To learn to be less selfish, more mature, more giving, etc. You can ALWAYS be working on that as long as you live. Your life can and will always have meaning if you work on these things.

All the best!

Cheer up. You're a Datalounge OP.

I brushed my teeth yesterday, that's something.

There are dog daycares and walkers who can take your pets if you're working long shifts. It's not cheap, though.

But anytime someone starts to lecture me about leaving a dog alone for 10-11 hours a day, I tell them that I rescued her and she probably would have been put down if I hadn't. So what's the better option for her? She gets plenty of love and exercise when I'm not at work.

Are you sure you haven't accomplished something with your life? I'm learning each day not to let any one define what would be considered the ultimate journey in life. What about the time you gave a complete stranger a smile? Is there a chance they were having a bad day and your smile made them feel as if they mattered for at least one brief moment? Why does accomplishment have to mean a top tier vocation with a boat load of money? I do understand your slump and I'm sorry you feel if you died no one would care but the truth is they would. My entire immediate family is gone. Seems so strange. I'm just in my 40's. I could wallow all day about some bad choices and how painful it feels to not have some family but as I said I'm learning accomplishment is self defined not dictated. Just live. Tell yourself every day you matter and you have a purpose that is far beyond holding a title of prestige so someone can pat you on the back. There may be someone out there you've yet to meet who will need you. Try volunteer work.

I've decided to post here about my predicament, maybe hoping that someone will give me useful advice.

I'm between 30 and 35, and haven't had a proper job for about seven years.

Before that I endeavoured in IT. While finally actually in it, I left training from that previous 'proper job' (for phone centre service) not just because of various inopportune confluences, but for the reason that the instructor was an abusive jerk (he was to be my superior once I passed training). This is what I more-or-less told the company when they wanted to know. They'd say over the phone that if I reapplied for the same position, it would be difficult to return after they had formally fired me.

Now, every skillset has a half-life and in all that time the PC skills that were useful between 1995-2005 might not be as useful now, ostensibly because the market is perhaps saturated of people who also have it. The high-paying jobs are usually programmers and infrastructure people, which I am not.

I do not have any higher education beyound high school, where STEM subjects were some of my weakest (languages were better).

Neither have I managed to learn anything substantially new or useful that would help me get a job in IT, although this is one of the things that I used to find as my vocation, just because throughout many years I was able to keep the computers in really good order in a small office of a family member, but that doesn't count to be put on my CV, because it wasn't 'real work' there, as it was informal.

All this leaves me with a résumé with gaps in employment and skills.

To top it off, I am not like everyone else in many other things, too: I'm either a nightowl, and/or I have a steadily irregular sleep pattern that shifts every once in a while; I might also have bipolar disorder or mild Asperger's. All this has not been properly diagnosed yet, but observations match descriptions. Neither do I always have a very good attention span, or the diligence to even go through a self-initiated project properly.

Maybe I'm too hard on myself.

So I'm in this unenviable position of living in the parent's "basement/attic", which is really a small flat. That parent wants me to start paying for all that, or have it rented out to other people. This would mean that I'd either have to pay or leave, and I'm afraid the parent is trying to make me homeless. That same parent has been an enabler of the current situation, in some way keeping me on a short leash like that.

So, every time I think of what to do about it going forward, I feel great stress, which rather inconventiently leads me to avoid the whole topic of it.

All this makes me feel like I have substantially fallen out of my reference group of peers who are the same age. I often read of guys my age and even younger, who have encountered substantial or at least reasonable success and quality of life: the very successful are enterprising, innovative and all that.

What I don't like is that I'm not there myself, and that instead of being independent, I'm dependent on someone else, but feeling inability to wrest myself away from my situation.

Well, r108, perhaps if your parent is successful in removing you from their basement/attic you'll finally get off your ass and do something. It sounds like the only thing holding you back is your own laziness.

That's all you got R109? From that novela?

Get A Life OP! Stop what you are doing and change tracks. Be different, do different, discover yourself and unlock your chains. Move away and rediscover yourself and your life.

You may still not have anyone to mourn you when the day comes, but you will have had fun to look back on (not like now).

R109 , I've been living like the hikikomori do in Japan, perhaps with the difference that I sometimes occasionally venture out, at which time this makes me a NEET (Not in Employment Education or Training).

R109 , you should try to imagine that when I start thinking of finding work, I begin to feel like walls are going to creep up on me and squish me (figuratively).

I can't attribute this to laziness, if I can commit myself to painstakingly editing and updating references in Wikipedia, sometimes adding new information, and editing and uploading images on Wikimedia Commons.

R110 : Sorry, I didn't intend to write what you call a novela. Or might I have...?

But ultimately I feel that this place is a better place to ask such kind of advice than bugging a cute gay YouTube vlogger who is far too busy.

My predicament is similar to that of OP's: I haven't accomplished much in my life, and I want to do something. My addition is that, I want to be independent, so as not to depend on a manipulative parent.

Somebody earlier said it best, try to be kind to others, or at least not cruel. Rescuing an animal can be the best thing ever. They'll absolutely love you and are 100% loyal if you let them in your heart. In the end when the earth goes hurtling into the sun, nothing really will matter anyway.

R112 You need to take steps to get your head out of your ass. You are spending too much time alone and in your head. Force yourself out into the world.

R114 wrote: > You need to take steps

That's not helpful.

> to get your head out of your ass.

These expressions don't work with me, and I can't really grok them when they're meant for me. When I read or hear such phrases I literally visualise them, and then I think "ew, dirty."

Cue the happy, accomplished people telling you that it's because you didn't work hard enough/knuckle down etc. Basically, unless you have a natural talent (singing etc) or ability to pass exam after exam...you're screwed... Sorry...but you're screwed...end of...

and the person saying that life has no importance above is spot on, humanity is losing itself

....in the words of Bill Hicks "We're just a virus with shoes"

Ditto-I am 54 and I feel the exact same way. I own nothing and can't even work enough to keep bills paid.

There are things that didn't come to fruition, but I can't say I've squandered anything because I worked at it nearly every single day. This knowledge is actually more depressing in some ways than when you think this or that didn't pan out because you didn't make the correct choices, but at least you know it's not your fault and get over the self-blame.

Only a very few of us will be known for our lives in 50 years after we die. The number morphs to infinitesimal after 500.

Who cares?

You didn't ask to be born. Life is to be enjoyed. Accomplishment feels good, to be sure, but small accomplishments are as satisfying as big ones.

It just came up today in conversation, so may I share? Sometimes it feels like I've done nothing, but this was something.

We had worked for months to "roll-out " an upgraded web site. It was about 1994 or 1996, so web sites were newish. It was a trading platform for a financial company, so it had to be rock-solid. Sites were so new, we thought we could [italic]charge[italic] for the privilege of using it! Well, we were wrong about that, but no matter.

After perhaps 9-12 months of work at a breakneck pace, everything was ready. We installed it over a weekend. We were always sacrificing our three-day weekends, President's Day in particular, but whichever, we did it. On Monday, we wen "live". Completely coincidentally, the markets crashed that day. Volume was through the roof. Our site slowed to a crawl. So did all our competitor's sites.

The Project Manager called an all-hands meeting. There were at least 300 of us, judging by the number fitting into the conference room. None of us knew if the new site was responsible, a dud, or the slow-down was just caused by the increased volumn, and the slow-down on our site would have happened anyway. After much talk, he decided to "back-out" the change. We had been prepared to "roll-back" the change anytime during installation if anyone got cold feet; but not after going "live", after customers changed data! We couldn't back-out! We had to figure-out how.

So, I raised my hand from the back. I asked: "We all worked many months to develop an implementation plan that seems to be in trouble. But if we spend four hours developing a back-out plan, what happens if we have to back-out, the "back-out"? The manager literally did a cartoonesq double-take. He declared the back-out "off", and we rode it out. (He had just made a panicked decision to back it out.).

It happens that all our competitors crashed that day. Volume on all sites was multiples of previous highs. It was a black-swan event. The next day, things returned to normal, and we all kept our employment for many months beefing up the capacity of the system. I had saved the day.

And [italic]that[/italic], was the grandest day, of my youth!

Italics [/italic]off!

There are 320 million Americans OP. How many of them have you heard of? How many of them are "successful" in the way that you mean? There are too many people and there is not enough work. Just be thankful for whatever comes your way and fucking ENJOY life as that is the best you can do with your biology. There are lemmings enough.

Cheer up OP! Trump inherited a lot of money and if he had invested it in an index fund he would have earned more money doing nothing than he did as a "businessman." And today he becomes president.

Achievements are for Losers and Four-Eyes!

Well you got on the Datalounge without paying the $1.50

OP: I'm going to full "Reddit" here and suggest, just in an offhand sort of way, that assassinating a sitting president will get you noticed and make you a part of history.

JUST KIDDING!!!!! :-)

Don't worry OP, I'm 34, graduated from a top school and grad school, lost a great job a few years ago, and have been in hell since. I made about 6000 dollars last year and have gained about 75 lbs on antidepressants/mood stabilizers. I'm single but have dated a long string of abusers.

Even those of us who made the "right" choices in our youth can end up nowhere for reasons outside of our control, so don't beat yourself up too much.

Goodness gracious, OP (and others),

It's so easy to accomplish something and become meaningful in your community: VOLUNTEER. Volunteer with rescued animals, volunteer with the Red Cross, volunteer with an environmental group--there are millions of people and causes and animals that desperately need help. And in doing this, you will meet friends, community, etc.

I started this thread 4 years ago and found it looking for something else. I haven't accomplished a damn thing in the past four years. Where did the time go? I'm 45 years old and no better off now than I was then.

Depressing bump.

[quote]R13 I wanted to have as much fun as possible, that was my most important goal. I don't regret it but the fun is over.

Gap In-Store Playlists will live forever!

Exactly r128. It is not hard to get involved with something. Take some initiative, life is what you make of it.

I lost my partner of 37 years 8 weeks ago. He collapsed at his desk and never regained consciousness. I’m reading all of these posts to help me see how to re-configure what seems to be 25 more years of a hopelessly empty and utterly diminished life. You all are so encouraging, and I hope I can follow some of your ideas. I’m overwhelmed with grief most days.

God bless R133.

I love you r133.

R32 were you Muslim. If no then you did not fuck your daughter.

To begin with... If you spend hours on DL you will accomplish little.

Let me give you some perspective. This world is a huge prison. People are born slaves to a system they not only idolize - capitalism but actually fight to death to defend. They brag about their accomplishments which are nothing but to scrape crumbs of things they should get for free but are forced to fight for while a minority controlling the prison laughs at them.

Mark my words they'll come here on this thread to defend their slavery.

So.... In the great scheme of things not accomplishing anything in this senseless cage might be something to be proud of. :)

“The ancients are right: the dear old human experience is a singular, difficult, shadowed, brilliant experience that does not resolve into being comfortable in the world. The valley of the shadow is part of that, and you are depriving yourself if you do not experience what humankind has experienced, including doubt and sorrow. We experience pain and difficulty as failure instead of saying, I will pass through this, everyone I have ever admired has passed through this, music has come out of this, literature has come out of it. We should think of our humanity as a privilege.”

—Marilynne Robinson, The Paris Review No. 198