Good Looking People with Low Self Image

I know many with this issue. I don't get it. I know this super hot guy who's my age - 24 - and he's still a virgin. He's never been kissed or even been on a date. He's gay, but doesn't seem self-loathing about it or anything. All his friends know, but his family doesn't - I mean, I'm sure they probably do, but he just hasn't told them yet.

He's kinda shy and reserved around other people, so the bar scene isn't for him and he says he has really bad gaydar and doesn't want to end up hitting on some straight guy and get beaten up or something- he's from the deep south where that might conceivably happen.

Still, he has the face of a movie star and decent body. It's not all ripped and 6 packed, but it's still tight and attractive. I think he's insecure about that, too.

I wish there was something I could do to put him at ease and get him out there.

In my experience, the children of alcoholics have terrible self-esteem. I know three people--two women and a gay men-who are all extremely good looking but have poor self-images. Each one had an alcoholic father.

What was his childhood like? Was he abused, neglected, or bullied? That usually fucks up a person's self-esteem pretty bad, even if they are physically gorgeous.

No amount of beauty will make you feel good about yourself if the people in your life growing up were determined to destroy you.

OP, you just described me. I hate my picture taken.I know that objectively, anytime I go out,I get hit on all the time. I've been told I should model. Ive seen pics of me and I've been amazed. But I know every my self esteem came from. Parents who for the most part ignored me, and a older brother shown always told me as a child I was worthless. I am shy as well, I hate that I still blush.

Now, it really doesn't bother me. I just keep to my self.

took me decades to realize i was good looking.

Yup, child of alcoholic, decent-looking by any objective standard but consider myself repulsively hideous after years of daily berating and screaming from parents who were intent on being angry about something, goddammit.

Please don't take my picture, like, ever. In fact, just don't look at me. I'd rather just be left alone.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

Basically people like this are the backbone of the American porn industry: really attractive people who were molested in childhood and are convinced they are unlovable.

My parents weren't alcoholics, but were very self-involved and my father, in particular, took great care to put me down ("What the hell do you wanna do that for?" was his response whenever I expressed interest in something). Objectively I know I'm good looking, but I don't like my looks, I have barely any photos of myself, I scurry to get out of pictures and I hate going out to the bars, even though I get hit on all the time.

I dont know a real lot about his childhood or his family, but from what he has said it sounds like it was a happy childhood and his parents are still together (a rarity for people from my generation) It's possible he was abused or they are alcoholics as that is not something people volunteer. He is not shy in the least, very out going with a very clever, dry sense of humor. He is out and aside from the issue of his looks, nothing points to him being self loathing. However its probably been years since he stepped foot in a gay bar. He says its because he doesnt care for the music or the attitude in gay bars. I see where he is coming with that, but only to a point (not every gay bar plays club music and when you go out with a bunch of people as we often do, its easy to ignore the attitude) He is not a virgin, but I couldn't tell you the last time he had a date or a boyfriend.

Another thing about him is the way he dresses. While his clothes are neat and clean, they are completely nondescript jeans and t shirts. One time someone made a joke that he must be auditioning to replace that kid on 2 and a Half Men because thats how he dressed. His reply was, "When you're invisible like I am, it doesn't matter how you dress."

This thread should be required reading for DLers that express bewilderment at hot celebs that commit suicide.

I didn't have bad parenting, but I've never liked my looks, even though I was, when young by all accounts, beautiful. I was bullied in school, which did damage, but my dislike of my looks predates that. As I got older, I learned to be objective and appreciate my looks, and now that I'm middle aged I regret not appreciating it when I was young and at my best.

Perfectionism.

I hated my looks. I was molested when I was young and the guy who did always talked about how "cute" I was so I thought it was my fault. After that, I wanted to be the opposite of cute/attractive as I thought that would get me molested again. I've kind of gotten over it but to this day friends don't understand why I get so uncomfortable with physical compliments and why I dress "down", and yes, I ALMOST went into porn.

My friend dresses the same way. Blue jeans, t-shirts, and cargo shorts. He almost actively seems to be trying to hide his body, which, like I said earlier, isn't that bad a body at all. We all call his tastes butch lesbian chic. He always dresses like one.

I completelty relate to this thread.I had an alcoholic and abusive father,and though I was considered quite good looking,I never once picked anyone decent.It was always the worst of the worst,mean,abusive,users.It wasnt until I got into therapy at the age of 40 that I stopped the cycle of garbage,and though Ive been alone for 12 years,my life is so much richer for it.Ive got friends(couldnt have any when I was dragging idiots into my life)a nice social life,and am comfortable financially(inherited a nice chunk from my much hated father,hows that for revenge?) When I get frisky,I hire someone. If I were to meet someone,Id be open to a relationship for sure,but even a whiff of drama and Im outta there!

How does one *know* they're good looking? That's fascinating to me.

17

Attention from others, mainly.

R17 when you're beautiful, the whole world tells you. CONSTANTLY. You are pursued by suitors incessantly. I imagine, if a person was ugly, the world would let them know, as well.

I agree that it probably has to do with abuse and an overall unstable childhood.

Take Marilyn Monroe, for example. Considered to be one of the most beautiful and sexiest women in the world, but very insecure and had a fear of abandonment -- grew up in foster care, absent father, mother institutionalized, no siblings. Well, she had an older half-sister, but didn't meet her until she was grown up. So she was pretty much on her own from the getgo.

Any form of abuse and neglect in your formative years can have a lasting impression.

It amazes me that adults can still think that law self esteem (or any self esteem) only stems from looks!!! There are many things that can cause law SE.

Furthermore, just because people around you think you're beautiful or good looking, doesn't mean that's what the person sees.

How about people who are ordinary or even fugly but have high self esteem and think they are marvelous? Those are the people everybody should envy because they are HAPPY no matter how inflated their sense of worth is.

[quote] It amazes me that adults can still think that law self esteem (or any self esteem) only stems from looks!!!

Who stated that on this thread?

r22

[quote]Good Looking People with Low Self Image

The very heading of this thread?

But in general, many people don't understand how beautiful/good-looking people could have low self esteem or "not see how beautiful they are".

Such people make two wrong assumptions:

1) Beauty should makes you happy and should make you have high self esteem.

2) The way the world sees you is the way you see yourself.

I'm good looking. A movie star. To deal with my low self image, all the mirrors in the house are installed 4 feet above the floor.

I think there may be a racial/ethnic component to it as well. No matter how beautiful or handsome you are, if you don't fit the cultural ideal or norm, you may grow up feeling ugly. Especially if you're bullied for your ethnicity, as I was.

Oh, interesting. I'm a child of 2 alcoholics and no matter how many hot guys hit on me, I'm always surprised. In the past few years I've just accepted it, but I still assume, when I meet a new person, that they won't find me attractive.

That's very true, R25. People often tell me that I'm good-looking, but I don't feel that I am. I'm Latino adopted into a white family and grew up in a predominantly white town, so I didn't fit the local standard of beauty. Growing up, no one ever told me that I was handsome. Of course, having acne didn't help my self-esteem at all, but it cleared up in my twenties and at 34 I'm only beginning to find certain physical aspects of me that I like. For example, I still have all my hair, thick and a good hairline. A lot of white guys my age and younger, are balding or already have a horseshoe.

You're all ugly ,ugly I say! ...And Mama hates you.

You're all so fucking ugly I could PUKE!

From what I was told, and from comments here, it seems a good example of this thread was the late Anthony Hamilton, former model, and "Cover Up" star (replacing Jon-Erik Hexum). He was extremely handsome, had an amazing body, and was well hung - yet so many have commented on how his self image was terrible - hence he was self destructive, and became a drug user, and was sex addicted. In gay world, if you're young, hung, handsome, and successful, and still have a low self image, that must go way back, to deeper issues. I have known several people like this, and it's always terribly sad to see their unhappiness, when they appear to have everything.......at least on the outside.

I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, I was always small for my age and in high school I wasn't very popular and never fit in. My mother tended to over praise me but at the same time would point out things that made me self conscious. It wasn't until college that people actually sought me out to be my friend and not until much later I came to realize thinking I was only reasonably attractive, many people actually tell me I am handsome (or even hot). At the same time, I don't think I am photogenic and when I have seen of myself on video or film I think I realized, I think I don't photograph well- I think I stiffen up the minute a camera is pointed in my direction (except in candid photos when I am unaware of the camera. The minute I have to pose, I freeze up

I think the damage done to one during those formative years informs your adult life and no matter what successes one may have in later life, no amount of affirmation erases the childhood and perhaps even more so, emotions and damage of one's the teenage years

[quote] I think there may be a racial/ethnic component to it as well. No matter how beautiful or handsome you are, if you don't fit the cultural ideal or norm, you may grow up feeling ugly. Especially if you're bullied for your ethnicity, as I was.

Charlize, is that you?

Tell me I'm beautiful.

[quote] From what I was told, and from comments here, it seems a good example of this thread was the late Anthony Hamilton, former model, and "Cover Up" star (replacing Jon-Erik Hexum). He was extremely handsome, had an amazing body, and was well hung - yet so many have commented on how his self image was terrible - hence he was self destructive, and became a drug user, and was sex addicted. In gay world, if you're young, hung, handsome, and successful, and still have a low self image, that must go way back, to deeper issues. I have known several people like this, and it's always terribly sad to see their unhappiness, when they appear to have everything.......at least on the outside.

Or perhaps he was a hedonist.

I feel like I could have written many of the posts in this thread. I had an alcoholic dad and all kinds of issues with my mother. I tend not to dress in a way that would make me stand out and can't stand having my picture taken. Only had one quasi-BF as a teenager, and would run away any time after that if someone showed interest in anything more than sex. So my longest "relationship" was a 4 year fuckbuddy situation...and he had a GF for most of that.

I would like to have a serious BF, but I just can't see how I would ever get to that point since I have sabotaged everything up until now and feel like "damaged goods." How do you build up your self esteem as an adult?

"when you're beautiful, the whole world tells you. CONSTANTLY. You are pursued by suitors incessantly"

Not true. There are those moments, for sure. But you are also isolated because people think you won't be into them so they don't bother even talking to you. Which compounds feelings of ugliness and insecurity - so you become the epitome of socially awkward. Which even more people construe as arrogance and standoffishness. It's exponential.

I remember when I was younger, an acquaintance asking me "so what does it feel like knowing you can sleep with anyone you want?"

Which left me shocked and speechless. Though it sounds irrational, I have felt so ugly and worthless my whole life I cant even describe it. For many of the same reasons that other people here have already talked about (alcoholic parents, psychotically narcissistic mother, etc etc blah blah).

One of the most awful moments of my life was meeting my partner's family for the first time. They are irish catholic hence there are like 40 of them. I was so overwhelmed that as much as I tried I shutdown and was pretty quiet. Later my partner told me that everyone thought I was an above it all pretty boy snot from Manhattan. Ugh.

Sorry to go on and on. This just struck a nerve.

I know a guy like this, a tall, handsome straight guy. He's a computer nerd, who doesn't seem to have any idea how hot he could be if he ever took an interest in the world beyond his keyboard. He does have a girlfriend; he's aware she's batshit evil, but doesn't think he can do any better.

His mother is sweet and batty, and his father is evil. Not abusive as far as I know, but definitely neglectful, narcissistic, and totally lacking in empathy. The man may be a sociopath.

I need to find someone like this... (Sigh)

I'd never be that lucky though.

R36, there are other factors to take into consideration. Take me, for example. I am very outgoing, so people never feel they wouldn't have a chance, as I am friendly to everyone, the exact opposite of shy. I've found that the amount of people willing to take a chance on my saying yes far outweighs the amount who would shrink back, because of my friendly outgoing nature.

This can be a serious issue. There's one guy in my neighborhood who's still a virgin and is completely clueless how great looking he is. He's about my age - 24 - or will be in about 10 years. I've been working on him for a while to get him to relax and realize how desirable he is. I'm almost there.

r2, you just described me and my sister perfectly. Even when you're smart and honest enough to recognise your low self-worth comes from shitty parents, it doesn't fix it. I'll always despise my father for the pain he caused my sister.

People tell me I'm good looking, handsome - some say 'hot' - but I don't see it. I think it's partly owing to how badly I was ostracized while growing up. I was chubby and had 'soft' features. I definitely grew into my looks, but still don't think I'm that great looking. All I see are what I consider flaws. It's definitely how you're conditioned to see yourself. You learn early on to see everything about yourself that's wrong. And before anyone says it - I'm not hung up on it, and it hasn't prevented me from being a good person. Maybe what I learned is that it's actually better to be a good person rather than a good looking one.

MARIAH CAREY owns this thread! I never realized how fucking insecure she is until she was on WWHL a few weeks ago and was sitting where Andy usually sits, and Andy was sitting in the 'guest' seat (no reason was ever given for this which made it all the more strange). It took me all of ten seconds to remember that this bitch has a "good side" and a "bad side" in her warped mind. I went on Youtube and searched for past interviews with her and sure as shit--in every single one of them, Mariah has herself sitting on the left. If ever she's FORCED to be on the right (VERY RARE, as she obviously gets her way 99% of the time), you can see her freaking out inside. Even when she sits on the left side, you can see her constantly checking herself in the monitors. Such insecurity in that girl...it's unbecoming.

OP, Adam is a fugitive and an impostor. Sorry to break it to you.

I'm considered a ten. Or I was when younger. Now, at almost 35, I'm a solid 8, but a ten for my peer group. I have a horrible self image. I was raised by wolves. Abuse that is Dickensian it was so bad. I never bring this up on the DL and don't play victim, but there it is. Good looks are great. They've opened a lot of doors for me, but they're just on the outside. As lame and cliche as it sounds, it's the inside that counts. No amount of compliments can fix an ugly, sad heart. Strange but true. I think people who don't have good looks obsess over them in a way people who are born with them don't. Unless you're a sociopath and use your looks to hurt others, which I could never do.

I wish I could give away my looks to someone who would appreciate them more. And no matter how hard I try to sabotage myself, my looks just stay. I've tried to drink and drug myself to death (happily sober now). Still look good. I won't workout. Body stays great. I'll never lose my hair. You can't change insanely blue eyes or bone structure or a big dick. I look like Paul Walker, er, did look like him. I swear it's often more of a curse than a blessing. And I know I'm gonna get tons of shit for this post, but I'm just being honest.

So, R45, would you date someone who's a 5 ... but sweet and kind and intelligent and funny?

I'm not going to give you shit. But I can't get a date no matter how hard I try, even though my friends think I'm a "catch" ... I'm only ever in the friend zone with any gay man above a 3. It's not that I'm never hit on. It's that I'm only hit on by the most desperate and ugly people who have nothing to lose.

So I'm just curious if someone like you would ever even THINK of dating someone like me.

I think I know the answer, but I'm still curious on your thoughts.

Old ladies always tell me I am handsome. Young gay guys don't give me the time of day.

Conversely, there's the uglies that think they are hot shit... That one I can never figure out.

R46, my amazing partner is probably a six or a five, if I had to rate. I love him so much it hurts. He gives me the one thing I never had: Safety. And I guess I give him my looks. So it's quid pro quo. He's older and funny and so smart it bother me. Love him. So, yes, it can happen.

And I have more money. It's not about that.

I should also say, R46, he's a man's man. Which for someone like me, means everything, as it goes back to my childhood of being so unsafe. He's bald and sort of fat, but if I can't sleep (like I can't now), I just look over at him and know nothing can go wrong. Lame, I know. I actually feel I don't deserve him. And if you saw us on the street, most people would think the the opposite.

But that's his "ten looks". So I would say if you want a boringly hot guy like me, be stable and strong and know how to fix a car! Those three things beat my blue eyes and chiseled jaw any day of the week! Good luck! Wish you the best.

I'm in my late fifties and I have suffer from low self-esteem because I get a lot of attention. All of my life, I have had my pick of my guys to be with, but, because there were so many to choose from, I couldn't decide whom I liked best. At 58, I'm still trying to figure out "which guys I like best". I hope one day, I find him.

Eyes were and still on me at all times. Especially at the gym. It doesn't help that I look young for my age because most guys who are 18 to 25 (the only age range I'm interested in, but I get attention from all ages) ask me which college I go to or which frat I belong to.

Because of this constant attention, I feel I have to keep up and "be hot" at all times which is draining, and it is. It takes its toll. I have "off" days at the gym where I ugly myself up just to keep guys from showing interest because sometimes I just want to go to the gym and be gawked at all night. I just want to work out and relax, or as guys interested in me say, "chill". So, I wear a hat over my face, a long baggy t-shirt that doesn't show off my definition, and baggy sweats with the elastic waist; completely un- sexy sweats, but that's the look I'm going for. Some guys do check me out though, which is okay.

I don't come from an abusive background like some, which must be very difficult, I can't imagine, but pushing 60 years old and still getting tons and tons of attention, the constant "all eyes on me" has affected my self-esteem.

They are my favorite "prey" & I am very successful in nailing most of the ones I pursue.

It's actually ridiculously easy.

R51, this thread is about good looking people who think they are ugly, not delusional senior citizens.

At nearly 60, no one thinks youre still in your 20's.

I wish I could find a good looking guy with a low self-esteem, the perfect boyfriend, the things I'd make him do in bed! Joking aside, I'm also goodlooking, but always question whether I truly am because in Highschool I wasn't, had acne/glasses, and the personality you develop in your formidable years stays with you. I also am very judgemental of good-looking people, thinking of them as self-absorbed, vapid and not at all intelligent, only because I was the one noone really paid attention to in Highschool. The mind is truly a complex thing. This is a pretty funny thread. What if some of us truly AREN'T goodlooking lol

Most of the good looking people I know are REALLY aware of it, kind of arrogant about it, and sorta of full of themselves.

I'd love to know how to identify which good looking people had low self image... instead of the jack-asses I normally manage to meet.

I'm NOT good looking and I know it.

I think I'd find it interesting to find someone really attractive that didn't really have a clue, or didn't feel they were, or whatever.

[quote] "formidible years..."

Gave me a laugh, that did.

FYI, this thread is not about good-looking people who know they are good-looking, but are nonetheless insecure. That's a different category, all you people who think that you are being asked to talk about your good looks!

Seriously, I've known a couple of computer nerds who are good-looking but genuinely believe they're ugly. A friend in high school had blonde hair, green eyes, a well-proportioned body, and movie-star bone structure. He thought he was as ugly as all his computer-nerd friends, and they really were a bunch of ooglies.

How we perceive ourselves does not always align with how others see us. We notice our flaws more than others

[quote] “I’m just a little worried about the buffet. I sometimes overeat, to compensate for my negative self image *bashful giggle*”

—-Jordan Brower, stunning in episode ten of TEEN ANGEL (1997)

There is a very real perception that when you are very attractive that you have all the answers. People project a lot of expectations onto you when you are well above average. It's a weird situation where you know people are making assumptions about you that aren't necessarily true, and to avoid that, is to shy away from interactions or having photos taken. There is a lot of talk about negative stereotypes, but unrealistic positive stereotypes can also be pretty difficult to deal with.

I read somewhere that Colt Studios' model "Moose" was very shy and really surprised that anyone wanted to look at him. I always thought, "Wow, if I could only meet someone like that, he might not care that I'm a 3". But it sounds like it comes with all sorts of other inner demons.

My dad also drank too much and I am always unsatisfied with how I look. I even got botox in the forehead. The thing is, when I went out pre-COVID, men in their 20's flirted with me and women too and compliment me. Now I can go to the store in sweats and looking bummish as I do since March and I still get hit on. Nevertheless, I have gained 19 lbs and feel essentially erased from the world and am losing hope each day.

The 2015 bump troll is now digging up threads from 2014

2014 thread.

2014 thread.

2014 thread or not, I still found it very interesting to read through!

Seriously, how does penis size fit into young gay men's self-esteem? A small-grower dick could make a virginal youth fear ridicule from a partner, no matter how good looking he is.

It's becaue many of them weren't attractive when they were younger, at least compared to the middle schoolers they went to school with who looked 16 already. Sometimes, it's hard to shake those feelings of insecurity off and most of us are unaware how deeply entrenched those out-of-date feelings are.

OP is describing most attractive gay men.

They crumble when they're taken down a peg or two for inappropriate behaviour.

I'm intrigued by 'hot but doesn't know it' type guys. Maybe because I seemed to be one in my 20's. My insecurity came from a less than perfect complexion which was the only thing I saw in the mirror when in fact it was a typical blemish here and there. I was a gym rat thinking a beautiful body would offset my imperfections and a tight t-shirt with abs and big biceps was the only way forward. That got me plenty of lust-sex but it wasn't until my 30s, as friends started explaining my idiocy, when I actually started looking back at glances...then nodded, smiled and acknowledged them.

I am basically the poster boy. I still feel like my fat fuck eat away the gay fat boy self.

My mother who I have not spoke too since 2001 gave me a WEIGHT SCALE as a housewarming gift.

I think this has less to do with their actual looks than their lack of self-esteem & self-confidence. Maybe their looks are an easy way of expressing their negativity. It may also be that the attention they get about their looks makes them uncomfortable. If you're drowning in self-hatred, it would be really hard to accept a compliment.

Bad parenting and head trauma and maybe sexual assault.

Someone close to them when they were a child said they were worthless, ugly and other kind of stuff that sticks in their head and they can't get it out of there without therapy.

Bump

None of us sees ourself objectively as others see us. It's mot possible. Our identities as we create them within our minds create abstract images of how we view ourselves, and they don't match with outward physical attributes. These days, most people also carry a phone camera everywhere and we control how we look through the lens that reflects us back to us, so we are careful about lighting and angles and selective about what we put out into the world. Look at people's selfies for some indication of both how they want to see themselves and what their insecurities are.

I have a young coworker who has a lot of curious self-image and self-esteem issues. He is very handsome, short, quite effeminate and yet married to a woman. He puts himself down constantly, and he isn't fishing for compliments. He said a year ago that if the pandemic ever passes he will continue to wear a mask "because I don't want to make people look at my ugly disgusting face." And he meant it. I think most people would agree he is adorable looking (and also very sweet), but given his mannerisms and his stature, I can imagine he probably was picked on a lot when young and formed an image of himself that he is some kind of freak. His skin is perfect, he has pretty straight blond hair, pretty eyes. The only thing besides his height I could understand objectively being self-conscious about might be his teeth, although there is nothing wrong with them in my view; they're just not perfectly straight, perfectly white Chiclets as per the American standard.

I fear he will always see himself as a monster.

I've told him about an epiphany I had that changed my life: I realized that I am a faux "nice guy" who always has been nice and kind to others but relentlessly cruel to myself inside. Keeping verbal berating to myself effectively allowed me to create a self-perception that I am an unusually good person who can't understand people's nastiest qualities while unleashing those nasty qualities on myself as a wholly abusive, cruel person who constantly told myself in my mind that I am ugly, freaky looking, offensive looking, gross, undesirable, etc. I realized that I do have abusive tendencies that I hide from the world like a madman with someone locked in a cellar at home, except that victim was myself trapped inside myself. When I realized this, I promised myself that I would not be any more cruel or more gratuitous about myself to myself than I am to or about any other person. I am no better and no worse than anyone. When I have an inclination to think "I'm a freak," I now automatically think, "no, I'm normally imperfect." I now really like myself, both as the person I observe and as the critic who comments on that person. I am a little less patient and less generous with others now; it seems the energy has had to balance out with the internal/external dichotomy, and I don't take abuse at all. I basically am trying to be a good parent to myself and it has worked really well.

So I told the self-conscious guy I know about this and he was really floored and I think he has been reconfiguring his self-image/commentary with this in mind because he seems to be a lot less self-critical outwardly and a lot more relaxed.

I agree it goes back to childhood issues or maybe bullying in grade school, junior high and high school. There are sometimes weird standards, too, where you grow up. The guys in my high school who all the girls thought were hot were most definitely not. It was more some status thing, like being a star football player. One kid in my class was voted best looking. He was short and no looker, but he was the quarterback on the football team. When I show my yearbook to people, they are always shocked he was voted best looking. He wasn't good looking. He was just popular and had the star quarterback status, so everyone voted for him. Of course there was also campaigning by the most popular kids to get everyone to vote for who they wanted to win whatever superlative it was.

As someone who was good looking but with social anxiety, the attention can be terror inducing. Panic attacks in public from people looking. Never assume good looks or wealth or a big dick bring self confidence. Parenting seems to be the most important factor. Looks, etc can help but you are who you are +/-20%.

It is incredibly difficult for adults to challenge their own established beliefs they accumulated through childhood and untreated childhood trauma.

We expect something to happen and orchestrate the expected outcome by saying and doing (which can include self sabotage) the things that lead to the expected outcome. For example, we wake up in the morning and say "What a shitty day!" or "*sigh* another shitty day!" and then go through one shitty experience after the other confirming our established belief of a shitty day, and a shitty life. We deliberately choose the way how we see ourselves (self-image) and look for opportunities to confirm what we believe is true. We may say things like "Oh, I so want this not to be true!", "why does this keep happening to me?", but keep up the (obvious) self sabotage.

These are all things we, at some point in our lives, we did to ourselves to make sense of our existence. For example: "My parents told me I suck at everything, and of course they've been right, since I fail at everything". That's being trapped in a vicious self-fulfilling prophecy cycle. You believe something, and make sure that your experiences confirm your established belief.

I knew someone who was absolutely gorgeous, but he dismissed and rejected all the compliments he received, because in the past he was abused, taken advantage of, betrayed, and screwed over by people who told him that he's pretty. He has convinced himself that he's not only ugly, but also stupid for falling for people's lies.

Maybe some of these good-looking people have even better-looking siblings & parents. They may have been the "ugly" ones in the family.

For the most part, though, it's due to bad parenting or lack of parenting.

Could this explain how Colton Underwood’s fiancé snagged him? Colton’s childhood messed him up and he doesn’t know how hot he is so he goes for someone that looks the way Colton feels about himself. The fiancé is just happy as a clam to snag Colton and lock him into marriage ASAP.

People who were emotionally or sexually abused. People are who were humiliated by their families and overly praised or criticized thus have unrealistic expectations. Or people who were bullied at school when young. The former fatties or very awkward preteens who blossom into beauties. Have severe neurosis or body dysmorphia. The early childhood and adolescent stage is very formative on the adult years.

People blame the media for body dysmorphia and anorexia but it's certainly poor parenting, social alienation, disconnect and genetic predispositions. I'd throw in gender dysphoria too.

Did the 2015 bump troll run out of still-open 2015 threads?

[quote] I'm considered a ten. Or I was when younger. Now, at almost 35, I'm a solid 8, but a ten for my peer group. I have a horrible self image.

You sure could have fooled us.

People who actually have low self-esteem don't run around announcing they are tens (or even eights).

Why the fuck is someone bumping these inane threads from 2014/15? Is there a way of blocking them?

The thing is, though, does blaming (or "living" in) the past make for a better future? There are industries and cults out there who encourage people to not face their fears, their bias, their negative world view and negative view of self, and keep blaming others instead, or at least hold on to resentment. That is why the world is such a shithole. People rather lash out and get into other people's business than face their own "demons" and challenge their established negative beliefs.

It's Davida/Defacto, r86.

She's been blocked MANY times.

Muriel tried to stop the bumping shit last year: inactive threads are now closed after a year or so. However, a ton of 2015 threads have been bumped in the past year (like this one), and hence are still active.

^^^ meant to say banned, not blocked. (Although I'm sure she's been blocked many times too)

Some old threads slipped through the cracks, thanks to being "bumped", before Muriel could lock all old threads with no new comments down.

R87 Yep. Religion is all about finding scapegoats and evading personal responsibility. So many mentally damaged people end up in fundamentalism, New Age cults or adapt very rigid ideologies of politics, race and gender. I believe social media prospers because of this. So many grifters prey on traumatized people with get-happy-quick schemes. It's disgusting but that's how our world is

Bump

I'm not model good looking but I am objectively "good looking" or so I've been told. My insecurity stems from the fact that I felt really awkward, shy and socially awkward as an adolescent and those feelings have never entirely left me. I also feel like I never attract the men that I find sexy which just leads me to think I myself must be repulsive in some way and this will lead to me dying all alone. It's something I'm working on with a therapist.

R93 I bet you’re beautiful inside and out and I hope you find a way to show that beauty off to the world ❤️

R94, that is very kind of you to say. I really appreciate that! And I am gradually beginning to see my inner and outer beauty.