Tell us about the worst sex you ever had.

I was in a small gay bar with my partner. There was a reasonably fuckworthy man in the restroom, completely naked. I was drunk. Partner held him (he was even drunker,) and I was fucking him in no time. It took about thirteen seconds to realize he was insane, pretty noisy and had seriously neglected his hygiene and schedule. To the point you pray will never happen. It did. Explosive.

Somehow, I cleaned up a little, got out of there, returned to our hotel (you tend to do things like this when you're out-of-town, don't you?) threw away all the clothes and made a pledge which I have kept for many years.

Just wow.

Well, isn't THAT special?

I've had two guys throw up when blowing me. One of them after eating a pad thai. It was pretty gross but I did my best to pretend I didn't care and not make him feel bad.

Schedule, R1?

Why don't you start with your own horrid story, OP?

Lots of head cheese and too many teeth

R1 that's totally gross. I can't imagine having a partner hold someone down for me and I would never do it in a public bathroom.

You know how it is when you have an intense compulsion to fuck something? I was like that, times five. TOTALLY horny. So I went to the bar, started drinking and looking at guys. I was being pretty picky, so I was drinking for a long while, long enough to get drunk, very drunk. At that stage, I finally found a cute guy to chat up. I remember thinking he was a bit femmier than I thought he would be, but I was so horny by this point that I didn't really give a shit. He didn't have a car, so I drove him back to my place and ripped his clothes off. I started plowing his ass, just fucking the shit out of him, when he actually moaned, and I shit you not, "Oh, yeah! Fuck my coochie!"

I bust out laughing and my dick went utterly limp. He didn't understand what was going on. I must have laughed for two or three minutes. By the time I finished, he was ready to go. Really ready, semi-incensed. I was completely sober by then, so I threw him in the car and drove him home.

I realize that worse sex than that happens all the time, sex like r1 had, but it was a low point for me. I acted like an ass. I made a guy feel like shit. I should have just pulled out and told him I was too tired and then drove him home. But no, I was too drunk to think clearly (obviously, or I wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place). I made a decision not to be such an ass in the future -- and it took me eleven years to fulfill that promise. I'm just not a very nice guy, I guess, and I hate admitting that.

Open Floor concept, two towels, turkey meatballs

[quote]I'm just not a very nice guy, I guess, and I hate admitting that.

No, you sound very nice, especially the 'so I threw him in the car' part of your memoir.

Where should I start?

Where should I start?

R1 - held him down?

A completely naked man in the bathroom? When does that happen? You didn't think then and there that something was wrong?

What kind of a person are you?

Must I?

It's an idiom, r11, far from literal. But yes, I'll grant that I'm an ass.

[quote]There was a reasonably fuckworthy man in the restroom, completely naked

PLUS

[quote]It took about thirteen seconds to realize he was insane

I'm surprised it took you that long.

[quote]It took about thirteen seconds to realize he was insane I'm surprised it took you that long.

Not if it was the Lone Star, R17.

A friend once took me to the dunes behind a gay beach in Ibiza where some of the men looking for sex were completely naked, roaming about.

One of them approached me. I ran for my life.

I've never been very successful at anonymous sex anyway, but this scenario really took the biscuit.

OP is the reason they hate us.

I had sex with Miss Cillian Murphy -- it was the closest thing to have sex with a natural female -- (who could never be as pretty and feminine).

R1 Did I misunderstand some lingo there or why did you partner "hold him down"? The whole scenario sounds kind of rapey to me so what happened probably serves you right.

With my ex. He had so much self hate that we could only have good sex when he was drunk - but not too drunk because then he was worthless. I became quite good at getting him to the point where he was comfortable with himself but not too legless.

R1 wins.

A lot of these stories seem explained away because you were drinking. I like sober sex just for the sake of good sex. Lucky I guess, I'm successful at anonymous sex, don't mind it at all, then get on with my life. Maybe the worst is yet to come. My only "worst sex" I can think of is picking up a gay in a dance bar, taking him home, having good sex, he stayed over …. and I was dreaming I was in the rain and woke up and flat on his back dick straight up, he was peeing. At 4am we just moved to another bed. Didn't speak of it in the morning. Saw him a few times afterward. He never peed. I replaced the mattress.

A "reasonably fuckworthy man" in a restroom, "completely naked?" HAHAHHAHAHHAHA!

Trolls are so funny. Pathetic, but funny.

[quote](you tend to do things like this when you're out-of-town, don't you?)

No.

Jesus f-ing Christ, R1. You sound like a rapist. Gross.

There are a lot of disgusting whores on this thread.

Sorry OP. I meant R1 is the reason they hate us.

You need to be careful who you point your finger at, R30. OP's been in tears since you left your horrid message.

I had a trick fall asleep while I was blowing him. We were both drunk as shit, but still ...

Don't feel too bad, R32. It's a very nice way to fall asleep.

R1 back. I didn't mean "held him down." It was more like "held him up." He was very willing. Insanely willing as it turned out. Also, my first and LAST restroom adventure. Also 32 years ago.

I have to say, after all these decades and all the pledges made, and kept, (no drinking, no toilets, be sure and check .. well, you know,) and take away the insanity, drunken stupor (his and mine) and other issues, he was kind of hot.

I hooked up at a party with this kid that was really drunk. I actually was too. Anyway, we found a room and eventually he was going down on me. He ended up vomiting with my cock in his mouth. He had been drinking grain mixed with bright red punch. It looked like the scene in the Shining when the elevator doors open and all that blood gushes out. People heard and started coming in, including the guy whose room we had snuck into. I had been drifting in and out of consciousness so I wasn't really reacting. The kid had gotten off the bed and was vomiting again in a corner of the room. The guy whose room we were in was yelling. Everyone was just gasping and stuff. Eventually my friends collected me and took care of me and the kid's friends did the same for him. This was in the early 90s when I was not even old enough to drink yet.

Who would have thought that fucking a drunk, completely naked stranger in a public restroom would have turned ugly?

I farted while a guy was topping me.

[quote]and take away the insanity, drunken stupor (his and mine) and other issues, he was kind of hot.

Well, if THOSE are your qualifiers, I've met plenty of "hot" guys.

It was with some queen who wouldn't stop talking about SNL and Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang.

I was having sex on a bus and people were staring. RUDE!

I hooked up with a guy once in Queens. He was English and claimed that he used to work as a servant in Buckingham Palace. And from the way he talked about it, he might well have been telling the truth.

He showed up at my place, looking a good twenty years older than his picture (this is always a given). But he was so drunk, he could barely walk. He wanted me to fuck him, so he got undressed and laid down on my bed. His asshole was so loose there was almost no friction. Partly from overuse, no doubt, but also from how drunk he was. (Before anyone asks, my dick isn't huge or anything, but it's not bad, size-wise; about 6.5", normal thickness.) It was like fucking a Big Gulp cup.

About five minutes into it, I realized that he had passed out. And he wouldn't wake up. I toyed with calling an ambulance because he was so out of it. But finally, after about twenty minutes of having a snoring, drunk (and reeking) derelict splayed on my bed, he woke up enough that he could get dressed and leave.

[quote]He showed up at my place, looking a good twenty years older than his picture (this is always a given).

You got him from Craig's List?

I'd never do this. I need to smell a person before I touch him.

R1's post has rather colored this whole thread.

Probably more accurate to call this the worst sex I never had. Anyway, it's my first night in Seattle and I'm in a bar having a great conversation with a handsome older guy. It's getting late, he invites me home, and I accept. We drive about a half hour out of the city, and just about when I think I'm about to be sold for body parts, he pulls into the driveway of a tasteful home in an upscale suburban neighborhood.

I become a little disconcerted when he flips over some photos on the dresser as we go into the bedroom, but nevertheless we get naked and things are really going well. Suddenly there are headlights visible outside and the garage door is opening. "You have to get out of here," he says, but apparently neither the front door or the back door is an acceptable exit, since he pushes me and my clothes into the bathroom and tells me to climb out the window.

I do as he says, land with a thud in the bushes, finish getting dressed (minus one sock which I sincerely hope the husband, boyfriend, or wife discovered shortly afterward), and limped out to the street. It's dawn by this time, I have no idea where I am, after having spent a total of about twelve hours in the city to this point. It's total suburban, no shops, nothing but houses. Eventually, I locate an intersection where there are signs naming both streets. I call a cab, it arrives, and I get back to my vacation.

Well, he didn't pass out but he might as well have. Total "Pillow Prince" if there is such a thing.

I don't know if he was scared, overwhelmed or just inexperienced but it was a little odd.

So, I'm on vacation in Cancun. And I take a bus to one of the only gay bars just outside the city. The bar is having a drink special: You get a shot of tequilla when you buy a beer.

I start talking to one of the only Americans in the place. He is on vacation and because of this, is drinking. (He had been sober for years before.)

Anyway, I take him to my hotel, and he blows me on the balcony, and we have a decent time.

We both fall asleep, and when I wake up, all his stuff is in my room, but he's nowhere to be found. I look in the closet, bathroom, under the bed, even on the poarking garage ajacent to the hotel...no where. I'm thinking "did I kill him last night, and cut him up with my swiss army knife, and put the body parts down the john, and clean it all up? Oh God, I can't flee to Mexico, I'm aleady here..."

So, I walk the beach looking for him...near the hotel where he said he was staying. Then I go back to the gay bar. He walks in, and I'm releived. I asked him what happened. He said he got up to pee and went out the front door, the door slammed and locked behind him, he walked around a bit but every door looked the same.

I said "You were naked!"

"No, I wasn't" he said, "I had a cock ring on."

That was Prince Edward, R41.

A guy yelled 'Come on my DICK' repeatedly as his excitement built and my horror grew. WTF?

In a guy's squalid basement, on a piece of grimey cardboard. He smelled oddly of burnt toast and rubber. Maybe a little like cheese, too. But I was desperate to know what sex was like. Egad.

If two people threw up while blowing you, wouldn't it be cause to check your ... undercarriage for cleanliness??? Ewwwwwwwww.

-r39- I'm crying (with laughter) as I write this. What the Hell was up with Chitty-Chitty etc. ???? Oh, the humanity!!!!!

Oddly enough, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was just on TCM.

Hooked up with this guy online. He came to my apartment, we got naked, got in bed, and then ... he just laid there. Did not move once. Now being a top, I know a lot of bottom guys like to do the submissive thing and I'm cool with that, but damn, you gotta at least move a little and this guy did not want to move AT ALL. He just wanted me to do all the work while he did nothing. Absolutely nothing at all.

After a few minutes we mutually agreed it wasn't going to work, so he got up, got dressed, and left. This was years ago but I still see him online from time to time.

R45 - that sounds fishy. Did he not knock on the door? WTF? That doesn't sound plausible at all.

Met this guy online. Met at his apartment and he was a bit of a letdown. I tried to see it through... I was looking forward to getting laid and so was he. Once we got naked, just no deal. So I just laid there until we both agreed it wasn't going to work and I got up, got dressed and left. I still see his apartment online from time to time. It was pretty bad.

[quote]No, you sound very nice, especially the 'so I threw him in the car' part of your memoir.

Whilst drunk, no less.

Well never bought any of that "size matters" crap until my junior year in college. I lived in the dorms with two roommates, David and John. David was a pretty ordinary looking guy, kinda quiet - but John was tall, lean, muscular and (according to him anyway) was hung like a bull. He used to joke about it a lot - even around my boyfriend, Brandon. Brandon was a sophomore and was petite, shy and somewhat quiet. I didn't like it when John would make his "big dick" comments and jokes around Brandon, but he told me he didn't pay any attention to him and truth be told, he really couldn't stand John.

I have a 5.5" dick and with Brandon being so petite, it always seemed to do the trick. At the time I was only the third guy he'd ever been with and his second boyfriend - maybe my guard was just down but who knows.

Anyway, one Friday night, Brandon and I were hanging out in my dorm room drinking, smoking some weed and watching TV. David and John had both gone home for the weekend - or so we thought. At about 1AM (Brandon and I were pretty toasted by then), John walked in. He'd ended up hanging out with some of his friends off campus and had decided to just drive home in the morning since his parents only lived about an hour and a half away.

He could see that Brandon and I were both pretty hammered. He grabbed a beer and sat down and we smoked some more weed with him. Brandon was pretty drunk and started giving John looks. John seemed to get a kick out of it and I could see him kinda flirting with Brandon. Then I noticed (and hoped that Brandon wouldn't) that John wasn't wearing any underwear.

But Brandon started massaging my dick through my jeans and being so fucked up, I just laid my head back and enjoyed it - I couldn't believe he was doing that right in front of John! I heard John get up to pass Brandon the joint we were smoking and I heard him gasp, long and deep and he suddenly stopped stroking my dick. I opened my eyes and saw John standing right in front of Brandon with a HUGE fucking bulge in his pants - just inches from his face. The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

He just stood there and I could feel his hand tremble and heard his breathing quicken. when he slowly looked up at him, almost in awe and respect, I could feel my heart start to pound in my chest. Then he softly whispered "ohhhhhhhhhhh" as he gingerly reached up to brush his finger tips across that massive knot in his pants. When he touched it, it throbbed - pre-cum, I could see it throb thorugh his pants - Brandon just gasped again and looked up at him.

"What?" John asked him and just kinda laughed. Brandon did NOT laugh. Instead, he softly asked "can i see it?" John stopped laughing, looked at him very seriously and told Brandon to take it out. Brandon never even hesitated - or looked back at me for an "OK" - just obeyed him and began to open his jeans. I could see his penis rock hard under his t-shirt and I could tell he was practically panting.

Brandon opened his jeans and his big thick dick just fell out...and he had NOT been kidding. That cock was strong, thick, heavy and muscular. The head was a big purple mushroom that sat on top of the thickest shaft i'd ever seen. He was semi-hard and was HUGE compared to me. Brandon just gasped and kept whispering "ohmygod..ohmygod...ohmygod". When he wrapped his hand around it, Brandon'S brow just knotted in disbelief and he almost laughed at how thick he was - his fingers couldn't even touch.

John just stood there watching my Boyfriend worship his magnificent cock. Slowly shaking her head in disbelief, Brandon two-fisted him - one hand next to the other...and there was STILL a few inches left - and he was getting rock hard, too.

Brandon sucked his dick until HE came - just from sucking him! I stroked the whole time until John pulled Brandon toward him, peeled off his shirt (he didnt even make the slightest attempt to stop him) and sat him on his lap, Brandon's back to his chest - the two of them right next to me. He just rolled his head back to kiss Jhon as he squeezed his ass through her shirt. His hands went down and pushed that big cock against his booty as he groaned so loud when it touched him that I thought people outside would hear.

John's dick was so ****ing big that he easily penetrated Brandon from behind with him sitting on his lap. He arched up so he could take as much of it as he could and they started to fuck right there next to me. It shocked me how easily his petite little twink frame accomodated that horse cock of his. John pounded him in positions that i physically CANNOT do for over an hour - I have no idea how many times he came without touching himself - Brandon was even in tears a few times (though he never once told him to stop).

Jhon asked him if he had condoms and when Brandon said yes, he told him that he was going to cum inside of him to mark him - which only made Brandon cum again! when Jhon finally came, he had Brandon on his back, his legs shaking violently as they both came together - and true to his word, John dumped his seed deep up inside my boyfriend's pussy right in front of me. But fuck - he didn't even lose his damn hard on! They fucked for about another 40 minutes and John came twice more. Brandon was a wreck by the time we all went to bed.

I will never forget the look on his face - like he was afraid of him and in love with him all at once - the whole time they fucked. He later told me that there were no words to describe it - it was incredible but even that didn't seem enough. To my knowledge they never fucked again and Brandon and I dated for about another year before we finally broke up. I always wondered if he ended up with him or some other big dick guy.

But one thing I know for sure - he NEVER fucked me like she did John, and the things he said about John - the way he looked at him - and the way he was around him after that night (almost shy and meek) convinced me that a big dick makes a difference.

Brandon told me that he "HAD to respect him" even if he didn't like him...and that he almost felt like he "had a right to him". So there ya go.

bump

I love sick, depraved, weird, awkward, embarrassing, nasty hot sex stories. Everyone should have them. But now we have Grindr, Scruff, etc., where hook-ups are rare. Bathhouses, bushes, restrooms without goddamn urinal dividers are becoming fewer and far between and are keeping us all sanitized and away from others and away from the adventures that offer sexual escapades that provide fun, unique and interesting memories.

Before anyone jumps all over me, yes, you must be careful. Yes, you must have safe sex and use common sense. But the joy and excitement of meeting people as we experience the world without the Internet and that actually connects us to others is fading away from our lives.

Sadly, the very first sex I had with a guy. I was so excited and thought he was very cute. He was an RA and a junior.

He had a micropenis and came after no more than two minutes. I didn't get off. It was appalling. I had waited for that moment since I had been dreaming about men for over a decade. It almost put me off being gay forever. Come to think of it, all the sex I had my first year in college was really awful. I was at a small conservatory and the pool was tiny. Ugh. Depressing.

Trying not to burst out laughing at work. Thank you, DL.

Fucking hell, that Brandon story is crazy. And hot.

Oh, the pearl-clutching humanity on display here.

What did these tut-tutting fraus expect from this thread title?

'once, I realised after intercourse that I had not offered my sexual a choice of cold beverages upon his arrival. My cheeks burned with shame! Mother did NOT raise me that way!'?

sexual partner^

[quote]Slowly shaking her head in disbelief, Brandon two-fisted him

[quote]He just rolled his head back to kiss Jhon as he squeezed his ass through her shirt

[quote]and true to his word, John dumped his seed deep up inside my boyfriend's pussy right in front of me.

Uhm, make sure you change all the pertinent details next time you post your hetero fan fiction, R56 / R57.

It did sound like fan fiction, didn't it? Respect the cock.

No offense, R1, but you kind of deserved it for being so sloppy.

What is with the five-year-old threads, asshole?

R68, I am so sorry to inconvenience everybody, but I am a "tab hoarder." I have thousands of tabs open, and a lot of the time, by the time I respond everyone else has moved on to talking about something else :( Sorry.

You haven't closed your computer in 5+ years, r69. Right.

Okay. Yes, it's with a woman, but it's too funny not to tell.....

I was a Sophomore in high school. She was the new girl - a senior already enrolled in college courses at the local CC. She was also engaged to a man several years out of high school who I knew. So, she showed interest in me and I returned that interest and we started "creeping" together. She was cute, blond, petite with big titties. She let me hit it whenever I wanted. I skipped track practice to hit it once after school and the Coach chewed me out the next day (get your minds out the gutter!) She was wonderful in every way except one:

THE TWENTY STROKE RULE!

She was deathly afraid of getting pregnant, said condoms irritated her, and could not use birth control because she was a smoker! So, she had a twenty stroke rule - she let me stroke her twenty times, and then I had to be completely still until she told me that it was okay to get another twenty strokes....repeat.....repeat. Yes, it was good but it wasn't! AND SHE COUNTED OUT LOUD!!!! "1,2,3,4.....okay, lay still now." HAHAHAHAHA

Then came the day when I thought I'd out fox her - instead of twenty full strokes, I tried to work in FORTY HALF STROKES! hahahahaha No dice, man. On that twenty-first stroked she clenched up, brought her legs straight/rigid next to each other, and contorted her lumber back while still under me in missionary - kicked me out! So there we are with me trying to explain my forty half stroke approach which she wasn't going for in the slightest. We're laying there locked in intense negotiation about how to (not) proceed until - petite as she was - she gave a big heave-ho and threw me off her over the side of the bed. When I sat up to say "WTF?!!" she was already pulling her skimpy turquoise silk robe over her torso shouting at the top of her voice "YOOOOOU'RE.........DIIIIIIIS.........MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSED!!!!!!" And I was naked on the floor looking just like this:

The one and only time I tried topping, Santorum came out all over my dick. I've never been able to forget that sight.