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Is it possible for a straight guy to "fall in love" with a gay guy?

Is it possible? I keep thinking it could be possible, not in the sexual manner but in the romantic manner.

by Anonymousreply 19506/03/2016

Hard to imagine such a relationship.

by Anonymousreply 103/02/2013

No. Straight men only fall in love with gay men in gay men's fantasies, even if it is purely romantic/nonsexual. But doesn't romantic love always lead to some form of sexual expression?

A straight guy can love his gay friend in a fraternal bonding sort of way, but it would never go further than that.

by Anonymousreply 203/02/2013

No. If a "straight" guy falls in love with a gay man, he isn't straight. The end.

by Anonymousreply 303/02/2013

Can't straight guys fall in love in a "bromance" kind of way?

by Anonymousreply 403/02/2013

Is it possible for a straight guy to fall in love, period?

by Anonymousreply 503/02/2013

I have a life-long friend that I was inseparable with - we lived together for about a year and slept together every night - but never had sex. And there were other places to sleep in the house. We started out just watching TV together and would fall asleep. It just became the "norm" while we were living together. Sleep included hugging and spooning. He's been with the same female for about 6 years now and we are all friendly.

by Anonymousreply 603/02/2013

From a 2013 American gay male viewpoint, of course such a thing would be considered impossible. Things can only be black or white. There is no nuance. No sophistication.

But in some other cultures around the world, male relationships can have surprisingly blurred edges.

by Anonymousreply 703/02/2013

R7, what cultures are these then?

In Europe, for example, male friendship can be more openly affectionate than it is in the US, but that doesn't mean that straight guys "fall in love" with each other, or with gay guys, which was the OP's original question.

by Anonymousreply 803/02/2013

[quote] Can't straight guys fall in love in a "bromance" kind of way?

As I've posted elsewhere, I'm working with a young straight married man - less than half my age - who has told another co-worker that we're having a bromance.

by Anonymousreply 903/02/2013

They may enjoy your company when they are lonely. But that's all.

by Anonymousreply 1003/02/2013

Not in the sexual manner but the romantic manner?

You mean the way I'm in love with Audrey Hepburn?

Sure, why not?

by Anonymousreply 1103/02/2013

Yes, of course it's possible. I don't know why people are giving you a negative response like it's an impossibility. Brideshead Revisited was about this very matter, after all.

by Anonymousreply 1203/02/2013

OP, quit wasting your time. most straight guys are homophobic.

by Anonymousreply 1303/02/2013

[quote]most straight guys are homophobic.

The worst homophobes are the ones who know they're not very straight and hope that nobody will notice. They preach against gays like Ted Haggard and Bishop Eddie Long, they write books condemning gays like George Rekers, they vote against gay rights like Larry Craig, Lindsey Graham, and Aaron Schock.

Guys who are straight don't have any concerns about gays.

by Anonymousreply 1403/02/2013

R3 Got it.

by Anonymousreply 1503/02/2013

I have a straight friend who is in love with me. We go to dinners together, the theater, have long intense conversations. The only thing he said was missing was the sex. For that he had to get it from his wife but his wife doesn't intellectually stimulate him or share his interests in culture.

by Anonymousreply 1603/02/2013

R8, Turkey for one.

by Anonymousreply 1703/02/2013

"Guys who are straight don't have any concerns about gays."


by Anonymousreply 1803/02/2013

Only if they're hawt and under 30.

by Anonymousreply 1903/02/2013

Well I'm a gay woman who "fell in love" with a straight guy. I was young, we had an emotional connection, and he fulfilled an absence in my life. I never wanted it to be sexual, but I had the same intense emotional feelings for him that I had with girls I had been in love with.

I look back at that "relationship" and feel rather embarrassed by it, not because I "fell" for a guy, but because it feels odd to me now that I could have had such strong feelings for someone I never was physically intimate with.

by Anonymousreply 2003/02/2013

Yeah if he was gay.

by Anonymousreply 2103/02/2013

I think so. I have a totally straight friend who has given me vibes that he has feelings for me. Not sexual attraction, but a deep emotional bond. We talk about just about everything, but I don't come on to him. We are like extreme bros. The affection is increasing.

by Anonymousreply 2207/01/2013

One of my dearest friends is a straight male. We've been in a "bromance" for 13yrs. He's confessed his love for me saying I love you like a girlfriend, just not sexually. He's had a couple ex-girlfriends who have been unhappy with our relationship, one even gave him an ultimatum, her or me. He chose me. He's been married for 6 yrs, his wife hates me but I can't do anything about that. People have assumed we were lovers and he never cared. And no, he isn't a repressed self-hating homo in disguise. We just genuinely love one another.

by Anonymousreply 2307/03/2013

I think a gay male/straight male "no sex relationship" might desired by a lot of straight guys. I think many males dislike being in relationships with females in general and prefer the company of other males. The gay male side lends itself to a more supportive and nurturing situation than might otherwise exist in a straight male/straight male bromance. I'm making my eyes bleed typing this, but think there is some truth to the concept.

by Anonymousreply 2407/03/2013

R4, hush your mouth. I thought we were not talking about that year anymore. And congrats on the new baby BTW...

by Anonymousreply 2507/03/2013

R23, what does he look like? Is he hot?

by Anonymousreply 2607/03/2013

In my long experience with straight close friends I have to say that R24 is absolutely right

by Anonymousreply 2707/03/2013

I'm sure it happens in a bromance sort of way. But my experience has been the opposite.

I've met a couple of straight (or straight-identified) guys who would do about anything sexual with another guy as long as there was nothing romantic involved.

It's pretty strange to have a guy suck your dick, even swallow your cum, but refuse to kiss you.

by Anonymousreply 2807/03/2013

I've never seen it in real life but the gay for you trope is very popular in gay romance books. Hot Head by Damon Suede is an example about two hot NY firemen one straight and one gay who fall for each other and get together romantically and sexually.

by Anonymousreply 2907/03/2013

Yes it is.

Two of my straight little brother's straight friends developed crushes on me. One I mentored but the other was hot and I convinced him he really owed it to himself to be fucked by a guy at least once, so that's what we did. And he was grateful. And then he got married.

I also had a couple of straight guys where I worked go through the mancrush thing. I didn't mess around with them but was kind.

by Anonymousreply 3007/03/2013

may be it can happen,if something there a connection between two guys out of sexual relationship,like normal friends.but it is too less to count such relationships as some thought it is not accepted by society&some other think it may spoil their respect in society.but if something there a connecetion means it can happen also

by Anonymousreply 3107/09/2013

All the discussion of "straight guys" on this site is cringeworthy.

by Anonymousreply 3207/09/2013

Agreed r32 Its really sad and pathetic. The idea of hooking up with a straight guy grosses me out. Bad hygiene and all.

by Anonymousreply 3307/09/2013

Very good point, R5.

by Anonymousreply 3407/09/2013

OP: Yes! Yes! Yes!

It's called: a football team!

Think about it: if a Martian appeared on earth, unfamiliar with EVERYTHING human, don't you think he might ask, what is all this hugging, embracing, patting on the ass?

Men-love - "straight" - has been around forever.

Oh, SORRY: the? was straight/gay male "love." Well, I still think I'm right (there are gays in football; ALL sports);

See, also: the military.

On related (no, not the question; again SORRY):riffing a bit on the poster who mentioned being a gay woman/loving - nonsexually - a straight man:

I truly think straight women can (a) love each other platonically, and love their gay female friends the same.

(and WHERE is a thread about the love between fags and their hags?? I am SERIOUS.)

by Anonymousreply 3507/09/2013

R8: not an expert, but from stuff I've read:





by Anonymousreply 3607/09/2013

R33, You will never hook-up with a "straight" guy so you needn't worry.

But you're right, the self-loathing is sad.

by Anonymousreply 3707/09/2013

You guys should stop encouraging each other in this regard. Straight men are not going to fall in love with another man and R5 & R34 are correct. Most straight men don't really "fall in love" in the way you are imagining.

by Anonymousreply 3807/09/2013

No, it is not. The terminology you all are using is blurred and rather silly. "Falling IN love?" Romantic love? Straight men don't do that with women usually, let alone a freakin' gay man. No way. Another wishful thinking thread. Bromances are all about the show. Deep friendship and LOVE in a male/male friendship is not about ROMANTIC love. Good lord. Any man who "falls in love" with another male is not straight. That stuff is part of what MAKES a man gay.

by Anonymousreply 3907/09/2013

Bunch of delusional homosexuals in this thread

by Anonymousreply 4007/09/2013


by Anonymousreply 4107/09/2013

yes OP

by Anonymousreply 4207/22/2013

Yes, platonic love.

by Anonymousreply 4307/25/2013

My straight best friend's wife just said that her husband and I are having a bromance. My straight male friend jokes about it and has come up with a fused couples name for us. It is cool that our friends are teasing us about the bromance now.

by Anonymousreply 4408/15/2013

Emotionally but without the erotic element.

by Anonymousreply 4509/03/2013

When I was in my twenties my straight best friend told me that he would have asked me to marry him if I were a woman. We are still best friends 30 years later.

by Anonymousreply 4609/03/2013

It happened on [italic]Oz[/italic]

by Anonymousreply 4709/03/2013

The answer to OP's question: No, a straight man cannot fall in love with a gay man. He can "love" a gay guy as you would love a family member or a best friend, but he cannot fall "in love" with gay man because that would make him gay.

Falling in love means you fall in the love with the complete person and you have physical, psychological and emotional connection with the other person. If the straight guy doesn't desire a physical or at least some sort of intimate relationship, then an element of the "in love" portion is missing.

The gay guy can fall in love with a straight man--but not the other way around.

by Anonymousreply 4809/03/2013

I saw someone say that Brokeback Mountain was about a straight guy who fell in love with a gay guy which I thought was a really interesting interpretation. I dunno.

by Anonymousreply 4909/03/2013

I am gay and I've fallen head over heels in love with women growing up... like total hard-core (can't stop thinking about them, etc.). Typical teenage crushes, I guess. BUT, everytime I try to think of them naked, I couldn't get an erection, although I have fantasized hugging them and cuddling them an kidsing them in a romantic manner. But the sex never turned me on.

by Anonymousreply 5009/03/2013

Really, R50? Gosh, not even close for me. I'm gay and I've had a series of very close friendships with women, but NEVER would I say I've fallen in love with any of them. Being sexually attracted is PART of 'falling head over heels in love.' I don't see how you're able to divorce that part of it.

by Anonymousreply 5109/03/2013

If the straight guy is hustling, it is possible for him to fall in love with his john but it usually cost a shit-load extra. These straight guys become more unstable and sometimes suicidal.

by Anonymousreply 5209/03/2013

Of course, didn't you see "The Crying Game?"

by Anonymousreply 5309/03/2013

hustlers don't fall in love with johns.

by Anonymousreply 5409/03/2013

[all posts by tedious troll removed.]

by Anonymousreply 5509/03/2013

But can't you fall in love with someone without being physically attracted to them? Isn't that what a bromance is about for most.

by Anonymousreply 5609/03/2013

[all posts by tedious troll removed.]

by Anonymousreply 5709/03/2013

No: because then he would be bisexual and not straight.

by Anonymousreply 5809/03/2013

One of my best friends for the last 20 years has been a straight guy. We did everything together -- including sleep together on vacations -- and never had sex. People would joke that he and I were a couple, and it was a matter of time before he came out. The thing is, he really is totally straight; we were just best mates. He and I are now estranged, sadly. He got married about a year ago, and we stopped being friends about then. I don't know if his wife wasn't comfortable with it, or if she just didn't like me. (She's a right wing Christian, and I'm outspokenly liberal.) I miss him, and yes, it is possible for a straight man to fall in love with a gay man.

by Anonymousreply 5909/03/2013

R51, those were the time when I was growing up... up until I was 15 or 16 when I first had a crush a guy. I've had intense crushes on girls way before I knew what sex was. The first one was when I was 5 or 6. Even though that was 25 years ago, I still have a mental picture of what she looked like. And I still vaguely remember the intensity of what I felt towards her.

Why does everything have to be about sex with some of you guys? As if the entire world revolve around sex.

by Anonymousreply 6009/03/2013

Yes it is possible. It happened with me when I fell for a straight hunk in the gym. He said that he was in love with me too and had me record him saying I Love You, etc. But when I discovered that he was going around with a married woman, I got shattered. But I continue to take his calls even today because I just cant get him off my mind or heart. He however seems indifferent and even ignores me except when he needs me, that is.

by Anonymousreply 6109/30/2013

No. The straight can love the gay guy, but not sexually.

by Anonymousreply 6209/30/2013

r39 You are wrong. Some peoples sexual orientation is different than their romantic orientation. It is rare, but it does exist. Go research it.

by Anonymousreply 6309/30/2013

Yep, it is possible to a straight guy to have a more affectionate relationship or even casual sex or short romance. That doesn't mean his gay. Why people accept easily that is possible for some girl-girl action but refuses this privilege for two guys?

Sometimes, guys hook up for the fun of it or even date another guy just to play on the field. If he wants more, than bisexuality must be considered, otherwise, it is just a expression of human sexuality and its drives.

by Anonymousreply 6410/14/2013

I've had several straight male friends develop crushes on me and admit it, either during or after the infatuation. I knew them well enough to know that they enjoyed and sought sex with women, but they just felt something a little more complicated than friendship for me. This was in my 20s, I wasn't even all that cute,but I think there was a vulnerability/fecklessness/sweetness that they responded to.

by Anonymousreply 6510/16/2013

R65= Candis Cayne

by Anonymousreply 6610/16/2013

yes OP

by Anonymousreply 6710/17/2013

I think the topic we all are talking about is the fluidity and duality of human sexuality. I admit that I am young but my own experiences and observations of others' experiences leads me to believe that human sexuality has a lot more variety than black and white.

I believe the complexities of what makes someone attractive or a candidate for romantic feelings is what makes "unconventional" pairings a possibility even if they are a rarity. And we should remind ourselves that "unconventional" is all a matter of perspective and thus a cultural determinant.

by Anonymousreply 6810/17/2013

Well it can be possible, A str8 guy may Fall in love with a "Gay Guy", I have a friend he's str8, he's a playboy, but he liked a "Gay Guy", and only that guy, no other "Gay guys" just that particular guy, it's hard to explain but hope u get what i mean xD,

Sometimes love can be unpredictable.

by Anonymousreply 6912/10/2013

I'm male. Somewhat like R50, I've had crushes, or been in love with, females. Yet when it came to the sexual part of the relationship it just wasn't there. One of my best friends would have loved to be married to me but I just couldn't go down that road. Sadly, I think she rebounded (for lack of a better word) and hooked up with this loser. She's been married to him now for about eighteen years and has two kids. I still love and miss her but couldn't provide that component of the relationship.

by Anonymousreply 7012/10/2013

No, it's not possible.

What happens is guys who are unhappy with women find it easier to call up a male friend who won't reject or mistreat them, and sometimes they can be persauded to ignore gender, but if they do that, they're gay.

Could a truly gay guy fall in love with a woman? Not likely.

by Anonymousreply 7112/10/2013

R61, guys like that aren't straight.

A real straight male isn't into other men.

by Anonymousreply 7212/10/2013

You said it R40. This thread is rife with delusion.

by Anonymousreply 7312/11/2013

In love? No. Love you in another way? Yes. Have sex with you despite not being into it because he loves you? Yes.

Should you do that? No. If you do it anyway, will you regret it many years later, thinking back after everyone has moved on? Yes indeed.

by Anonymousreply 7412/11/2013

I'm gay. If he isn't? I'm not interested and vice versa! A lot of straight guys think this way, sadly a lot of us don't! So, I find this concept impossible unless the straight identified guy is actually a closeted homosexual. In my opinion straight guys can be great friends to have, but just as long as you befriend the ones who are truly comfortable with their sexuality. I have five straight guy friends and at times I've gotten some of the best "straight" forward advice and opinions from them. "Befriend the straight ones if you can, pimp the bi ones, have fun and commit to the gay ones." Being apart of a brotherhood not only keeps you in touch with your masculine side but also gives you a better understanding of "Men" in general. Plus, you'd be surprised that the main thing Gay men and Straight men share in common..... The theory behind the annoyance yet importance of the female species and their influences! So yea, If a straight guy falls in love with a gay man then it's obvious the guy was gay from the get go. Some guys are closeted, some guys are curious, and some guys are just fucked up in the head.

by Anonymousreply 7512/11/2013

This will not end well.

by Anonymousreply 7612/11/2013

I think it all depends on your definition of "falling in love". Feeling a deep connection? Of course that's possible. But being in love with someone implies that there's a physical and biological attraction that would indicate he's not 100% straight.

If a straight guy felt deeply connected to a gay guy, and then feel in love with a woman, there would be an obvious difference between the way he felt about each of them.

by Anonymousreply 7712/11/2013

They do in 'Fairy tales'.

by Anonymousreply 7812/11/2013

Yes, because totally straight is like totally gay, there are exceptions, most people are bisexual, deep down, yet there is a definite preference that prevails.

by Anonymousreply 7912/11/2013

Better catch up with football and cars sweetie if you want to sustain any kind of conversation with a het!

by Anonymousreply 8012/11/2013

I'm not guy in straight single. I also have feelings for another guy that is Married. I think about him all the time months later I just started to talk to him so I can just feel some relief without leaving the gym saying how come I didn't talk to him. Anyhow I talked to him couple days later after that and got his name and he got mine as well. I never fantasize about us having sex. I just want to be good buddies so we can do things. I met this guy at my local gym. But after couple days after he had told me his name, saw him at the gym again thinking we were starting a friendship there but I don't know what really happened. All this talking happen couple days ago so this is very recent. Yesterday I saw him at gym I was on the elliptical and he walks pass without saying anything. I know he saw me cause I was looking at him ready to say hi but that never happened. So I'm a bit confused at the moment. I will try to say hi to him when I see him at the gym again later on today, or should I just stay away? What really bothers me is that we the two days of small chat was all that for nothing?

by Anonymousreply 8101/22/2014

[quote]No: because then he would be bisexual and not straight.

Seriously, why is that not obvious. I'm gay. I can feel deep love and affection for a woman, I can even 'fall in love' with a woman's personality on a friendship level. If I could fall in love romantically with a woman (you know, butterflies in the stomach, the urge to have them physically close, etc.) then that would make me bi.

by Anonymousreply 8201/22/2014

Sure, just watch Sherlock.

by Anonymousreply 8301/22/2014

Some of my straight bro friends have expressed deep nearly romantic love for me. Sometimes, they were saying that we are "in a bromance" or "bromantic." It is not sexual, but definitely passionate and deep.

by Anonymousreply 8401/22/2014

No straight men even your straight friends, view you as inferior and a biological mistake. They hate you inside.

by Anonymousreply 8501/22/2014

Yeah, but they need to be good/best friends. One of my friends loves making out with his gay str8 bro, but the str8 bro thinks its fine as long as they don't have sex. #mentalgymnasticsbutwhatev.

by Anonymousreply 8601/22/2014

Yes, in a platonic way.

by Anonymousreply 8702/18/2014


by Anonymousreply 8804/14/2014

No. OP, what you're asking is like asking "is it possible for the colour red to be blue?"

Is it possible for a straight acting gay or bi guy to fall in love with a gay guy ? Of course!

All this DL pining after straight men is both moronic and self loathing.

by Anonymousreply 8904/14/2014

Romantic love, no. You can't have romantic love without wanting to have sex with the other person. If a man feels romantic love towards you, he isn't straight.

That said--my best friend is straight and we love each other. His wife and my BF tease us about our bromance. We both know and have said if he was gay, we'd be together. I think it's because he grew up the only child of a crazy single mother and craves some sort of connection to another man, but he is 100% straight. We have slept together, watched porn together, hug, wrestle...but no sex.

Yes, he is totally hot, but I don't WANT to have sex with him. I've told he would have to have MUCH better hygiene for that to ever happen! :-)

My gay friends refuse to believe that there is nothing sexual going on between us..I think because they've been bullied by straight guys or something? It's like they can't understand two guys being close friends and it not being sexual. Hell, I have a lot of gay friends and I've never had sex with them either! (Not that a few of them haven't tried)

by Anonymousreply 9004/14/2014

hmmm, I am not sure if you can have romantic love without desiring the object of it sexually? I have felt like I am in love with people that I definitely am not attracted to sexually or physically. I had the same feelings of butterflies and gidiness around them and missed them sorely when away from them. I did not find these particular people physically attractive though, just I loved these friends so much that I always wanted to be around them. Likewise, I have had straight male friends express their love for me in ways that we very deep and affectionate, but they never gave any hint of sexual or romantic desire.

by Anonymousreply 9104/14/2014

[quote]We have slept together, watched porn together,

Gay porn or straight porn?

by Anonymousreply 9204/14/2014


by Anonymousreply 9305/21/2014

When I was five, my grandpa touched my petey pecker.

by Anonymousreply 9406/14/2014


by Anonymousreply 9506/14/2014

Short answer: Yes

by Anonymousreply 9606/14/2014

I suppose some sort of a crush, yes, but if much more than that, he isn't straight.

by Anonymousreply 9706/14/2014

No. Or I would be married to (or divorced from) the first guy I fell in love with. He loved me, but he just couldn't be in love with someone else who had a dick. Broke my heart, but I never again lusted after a straight guy.

by Anonymousreply 9806/14/2014

No. My very best friend in the world (who I thought was straight) fell in love with me. As it turned out, it was all an elaborately orchestrated hoax on his part to convince everyone (and maybe himself) that he was gay. Even though I was totally out, he couldn't bring himself to admit that he was gay. But he was.

He finally got very drunk one night and told me everything. We dated for a year, then broke up, but we have remained close. He has a partner now.

by Anonymousreply 9906/14/2014

Could you "fall in love" with a woman, OP?

by Anonymousreply 10006/14/2014

Didn't we have a thread about gay men falling for women? So yes, if it's possible for gay men to end up exploring the other gender, then I don't see how it can not be the other way a round as well.

by Anonymousreply 10106/14/2014

I believe it's possible for a straight man to love a gay man as a person. But not in any sexual way, which is sort of the definition of being hetero.

by Anonymousreply 10206/14/2014

It can happen in prison, sometimes in boarding school and the military.

by Anonymousreply 10306/14/2014

"Fall in love?" No. Love unconditionally? Yes. Strange, but it can happen. If one doesn't take advantage of it, it can be the most wonderful thing in the world. However ..

by Anonymousreply 10406/14/2014

It's the same way they love their dog. It has nothing to do with sex.

by Anonymousreply 10506/15/2014

I met "J" in an AA meeting a few years ago. He started giving me rides home and we would talk and talk about our experiences.

J told me that he sometimes thought he could be bi-sexual but he could never act on it because he could never live with himself. At that time, I didn't think much of it. I wasn't instantly attracted to him and most people in AA disappear.

J and I started getting closer, sharing more intimate details of our lives. He told me that he had been molested as a child. This made me comfortable enough to reveal that I had a similar secret. This made us closer. I started to develop feelings for J.

One day over lunch, he said that he found me attractive. I asked him if he was gay and he said no. He just couldn't explain the attraction. Numerous times he said he thought I was an attractive male. This just didn't make sense to me. If I am attracted to someone, I want to have sex. How could he not feel the same?

J soon became an obsession. I dropped everything to hang out with him. We went to meetings together, he paid for dinners, we went shopping (he wanted me to help him pick out a new wardrobe)...all these things that don't seem like something a "straight" guy would do with a gay guy. I would talk about him constantly with my therapist. She insisted that I was making up this "relationship" in my head, and that he was probably using me for my loyal friendship.

I told J how I felt, that I had feelings for him. He told me that he could not return those feelings but that he still loved me as a "brother". I was devastated and cut ties with him.

Fast forward to 2014. He relapsed. We started talking again. I visited him and he offered me Jack and Coke. Just to be there, closer to him, I drink. We watch Million Dollar Listing NYC and end up holding hands. I caress his fingers and hands and kiss them. He doesn't say a word and it seems like he is enjoying it. I leave to piss and he says, "If you were a girl I would fuck the shit out of you tonight!" WTF?

He asks me to spend the night. I refuse (like a jackass). I had to work the next morning and can't risk being late. I try to feel his crotch and he just says my name like "What are you doing?" I go home and am excited about our next meeting, which is planned for the weekend.

I return on Friday night, in the pouring rain to hang out with J. This time I plan on spending the night and taking full advantage of J. This time though, he is not nearly as excited and happy to see me. He seems a bit standoffish and making an extra effort to let me know "I love you as a brother, bro".


What do you guys think is up with "J" ?

Should I just leave this alone?

by Anonymousreply 10606/15/2014

You left out relapsed alcoholic in your sig, R106. That's your bigger problem.

by Anonymousreply 10706/15/2014

R106, get to a meeting, and cut all contact with this toxic manipulative prick.

Put your well being first.

He wants a drinking buddy to enable his relapse. He's playing you, knowing you are sexually attracted, enjoying watching you fall for him, he's a sick person who wants to feel in control of something - you, because clearly he is not in control of himself.

Good luck.

by Anonymousreply 10806/15/2014

Why do you even bother with a therapist, R106, if you won't listen to what she tells you?

She is right. You are a doormat and he's using you.

by Anonymousreply 10906/15/2014

No prob, R106. Get it where you can. Life is short.

by Anonymousreply 11006/15/2014

People will treat gays like they treat the gay part of themselves (everyone is a little gay): either with tenderness of loathing.

by Anonymousreply 11106/16/2014

maybe the same way a gay guy can 'fall in love' with a woman, but at the end of the day that straight guy is going to want a woman (that's why they're straight) and a gay guy is going to want a man (that's why he's gay).

by Anonymousreply 11206/16/2014

I pushed a straight guy away from me b/c he was always doing that 'buddy, buddy, I love you man' thing with me.

It was driving me nuts.

I finally had to tell him I couldn't be around him the way Oprah can't be around Mac and Cheese.

A spoonful is too much, and the whole tray is not enough.

I see TONS of gay behaviour from this guy. He jokes about having sex with guys. He says he'll get married someday again (he's divorced) when gay marriage is legal. I saw another guy kiss him on the lips (all jokingly, of course) once.

So it's easy for me to think he might be gay, but he's not.

So, no, I don't think it's possible for a straight man to fall in love with a gay guy.

And I sure wish gay guys would stop falling for straight ones.

by Anonymousreply 11306/16/2014

Respect and love yourself for who you are. Please don't worry about what other people aren't.

by Anonymousreply 11406/16/2014

Zach Rance?

by Anonymousreply 11507/17/2014

Have you ever cried rivers for a man and you happen to be a man?

by Anonymousreply 11607/19/2014

I wonder how many gay men mistaken a straight man's affection for romance because they did not have a close bond with their straight brothers? If you grew up close to your brother you would know that guys do a great many things that to the outside world might appear romance but at their core are non-sexual, loving things. One's sibling is often a mate you are more comfortable and relaxed with.your first real boyfriend. It is possible to get the same feeling from a straight guy without the undercurrent of sex. Aren't you close with gay male friends you don't have sex with?

by Anonymousreply 11707/19/2014

It does warm my heart that DL queens ask this question, in different ways, every single fucking day.

Despite the fact that straight men never, ever, ever sleep with other men (though bisexual men clearly do), it's comforting to know that there will be dozens of men here on this site hoping to make it so, hoping to turn pillows into ponies and quarters into stacks of money.

You go, girls. Embrace that (completely futile) dream!

by Anonymousreply 11807/19/2014

no. real life is not some porno

by Anonymousreply 11907/19/2014

Op, it truly isn't.

It is possible though for him to suck the piss out of your cock.

by Anonymousreply 12007/19/2014

good analogy, r105

by Anonymousreply 12107/19/2014

See Big Brother 16

by Anonymousreply 12207/24/2014

Big Brother is a reality show with a bunch of attention whores.Doesn't count

by Anonymousreply 12307/24/2014

That was the whole promise of Peter Lefcourt's cult classic The Dreyfus Affair.

by Anonymousreply 12407/24/2014

I was head over heals in love with a straight guy in college, We ran into each others at Frat Parties and we'd be drunk walking each other home,he dated alot of girls on campus and he flunked out his Sophomore year, I kept in touch with him over the years and supported him as a friend to talk to when he was going thru a real rough time. he told me that he wished he could have spent more time with me in school,now he calls me saying that he loves me and wants a relationship because he knows know I have a genuine love for him.It took 22 years for him to come around, I do still love him but I feel awkward if we was to ever have sex.I think its more of a long term romance?/ I still don't know how to approach the situation///

by Anonymousreply 12508/29/2014

It hasn't happened yet. My gaydar's busted.

by Anonymousreply 12608/29/2014

That's awesome R125. If only you could get back the liberal trusting nature you had then.

by Anonymousreply 12708/29/2014

OMFG R125, fuck him already!

by Anonymousreply 12808/29/2014


by Anonymousreply 12909/18/2014

A man can be bi-romantic but still heterosexual. However, I don't see how it would look like anything but a 'bro-mance.'

by Anonymousreply 13009/18/2014

It shouldn't matter if a guy is straight or gay I mean it can be possible for a straight man to fall In love with a gay man because you really don't know what they are feeling on the inside maybe they are still confused about what they want be whether straight or gay. They could like a girl but at the same time they might also like you so they are either going to test how both sides go and choose or just go with both and become bisexual so you never really know until that person knows.

by Anonymousreply 13109/30/2014


by Anonymousreply 13210/01/2014

Yes, or no, It’s about giving and taking. We don’t question love or the gender. We question about who we are and to whom we want to live with, love is a choice but be wise. Gays and girls need to be treated the same way, they only want to feel the love, need and care but gays and girls are not the same, gays have that intense love and understandings, but girls have also that intense love but lesser understandings. A guy needs only to be understood that's the only way to show how you love him, you understand them then they'll love need and care about you. They just need to be understood. Straight guys can fell in love with gay because it's their choice, we must not judge them. We just need to see the good effect on loving.

by Anonymousreply 13310/09/2014

If a straight male fell in love with another man on a deep emotional, physical, and sexual level, he would be gay or bisexual. But, I do know that "straight" is the desired word. "Gay" and "bi" are least desirable on this website even though that's what the man would be. Unfortunately, many here choose to not believe or accept that because of their internalized homophobia and self-loathing.

by Anonymousreply 13410/09/2014

I wonder if r90 realizes that his description of his bond with his straight friend is pretty erotic?!

by Anonymousreply 13510/09/2014

Yes, it is possible. Humanity is much more complex than most people would like to admit. In fact, historically, association with one sexual orientation did not exist. This is a very recent event in the context of human history. Looking into Greek an and Roman culture of the past, man would have relations with each other and it was never an issue in society as they make it out to be today, even when they were married. Yes, they were not open about it, but it was something humans did. I think that defining "the self" with one's sexual orientation has done much to destroy what a human is. The truth is that regardless of what sexuality one identifies with it is possible to love in different ways. The over emphasis on identifying with specific categories of human expressions, just as with any category, is rather strange in the context of humanity. I am sure this is not a popular opinion, but it is something I am studying. I read a lot of books on philosophy and history. :)

by Anonymousreply 13610/09/2014

It happens all the time, OP.

by Anonymousreply 13710/10/2014

I am straight, but have had several gay friends that everyone told me were in love with me over the years. I cared for them, and in a way, I was in love with the adoration and them being in love with me, and I am sure I played into it a bit. Of course it never ends well.... they need to find someone who can return their love in more than a platonic way. Part of that is they always become angry and end the friendship, and after the first time it happened when I was too young to understand human nature, I was hurt by it. Now I see it as needed. Usually, they focus on me after a painful break-up and so they choose someone that they know in advance will not enter into a relationship with them, THEY use ME if you will, to allow themselves a bit of downtime to reorder and heal and become ready for a full relationship again. When they are at that point, they make a move first on me, get a non-response, get angry, break off, and then find someone who will reciprocate their sexual interest and love. But I enjoyed the friendships (and maybe being a lust object) while it lasted and will always care for them and usually what happens is after they are settled into a stable relationship, they usually contact me, and we keep in touch, but are not close like before, the dynamic is totally different.

by Anonymousreply 13810/10/2014

Of course, why not? just like some gay men fall in love in a non-sexual way with Audrey Hepburn, Judy Garland, Nina Simone or Maria Callas, a straight man could fall in love with a man whom he admires in a romantic sense. The man the straight man falls in love with romantically can be gay just as easily as he can be straight.

by Anonymousreply 13910/10/2014

Oh, I wanted to add that among MY gay friends that stereotype of wildly promiscuous multiple partners was just not true. They were people who entered into sexual relationships only when there was a love relationship...or at least that is what they told me when baring their souls. So I bristle when I hear other straights talk about how all gays are promiscuous and have no morals. Some are, and some are almost prim...

by Anonymousreply 14010/10/2014

I had a straight guy who told me he had a total man crush on me. He was my workout partner at the gym. He was always telling me how great my ass looked how hot I looked etc. He was fascinated with gay men, said he never knew one before me. How we interacted...things like grindr, dressing clubs etc. We hang out constantly, tells me all the time if he was gay he would be all over me. I am his gay wingman when we go out to straight bars and he has no problem going to gay bars with me. He has spent the night more than once drunk in my bed with his arms around me -first time he ever spent the night at my place (too drunk to go home) he joked "you are not going to try and fuck me are you?" I laughed and said "if you don't try to fuck me I won't try to fuck you.." He has said on more than one occasion he loves me. Last new years eve I was a little drunk and he said he wanted to kiss me at the new year..and he did and I went for full tongue, which he gave right back to me..we made out for a good two or three minutes...when he pulled away and laughed and said "well I am 100% sure I am not gay.." I said "too bad you could have fucked me tonight!"...still never happened.

by Anonymousreply 14110/10/2014

In prison or perhaps if a homeless drug addict.

by Anonymousreply 14210/10/2014

I love this...

by Anonymousreply 14312/07/2014


by Anonymousreply 14412/07/2014

I have fallen in love with a 28 year old russian gay male. I have been divorced an currently am married. After chatting on a online sight, one thing lead to another. I still live my wife who is going thru the change of life. We have had no lovemaking in the last two years. He doesn't know I'm married. I am at a very confused stage in my life . I want that male connection also

by Anonymousreply 14501/25/2015

You're gayer that a Rainbow Parade, R145

It's time to "Gay Up!"

by Anonymousreply 14601/25/2015

I'm a gay man, and I mean gay. I'm practically a girl but with extra hardware I don't use sexually. I do believe that a straight man can fall in love with a Gay man. But it won't last. All my exes are straight. trust me they ate all married now with kids and happy. I would love to tell you its a wonderful magical thing but it's not. They fall in love with your personality, your spirit, but get hit straight on with your body. It confuses them and as much as they are really connected with you they go to their inner carnal intuition and get with a girl. Just my expletive.

by Anonymousreply 14701/25/2015

Ask Zach Rance.

by Anonymousreply 14801/25/2015

If you can be bisexual, but heteroromantic, you can be heterosexual, but biromantic.

by Anonymousreply 14901/25/2015

What about Neal Cassady and Allen Ginsberg? Neal was notorious for bedding any woman that walked, yet the passion he had for Allen was based on an intellectual connection more then anything else. He'd spent time in reform schools so he wasn't averse to sex with men, but it wasn't how he identified. The letters between the two of them show how deep their feelings were.

by Anonymousreply 15001/25/2015

at one time I was encouraging a friend of mine who was trying to get an acting career going; he used to call me after every audition he had to tell me how it went. I got the impression his wife wasn't supportive and he just wanted someone to listen.

I was happy to do that. He's a good guy.

I think he appreciated the support, but I don't think it was possible for him to fall in love with me.

For the record, though, I never fell in love with him either.

by Anonymousreply 15101/25/2015

It's possible just like a gay male would fall in love woth a woman.

by Anonymousreply 15201/25/2015

R152) Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe. He was raised Catholic and initially struggled with being gay. They remained friends for life after he finally came out.

by Anonymousreply 15301/25/2015

R152, you nailed it.

It's like asking if a straight guy was drunk enough he'd have sex with you.

I'd never be drunk enough to have sex with a woman.

by Anonymousreply 15401/25/2015

The dubiousness of "Zankie".

by Anonymousreply 15501/25/2015

If he's straight, it's platonic love - like that you can have for a friend, a pet, a relative. If it's romantic love, then he's not straight. At the very least he'd be homoromantic even if he is heterosexual.

by Anonymousreply 15601/25/2015

R152 was being sarcastic, I believe.

by Anonymousreply 15701/25/2015

R148 Why? He's not straight.

by Anonymousreply 15801/25/2015

Can romantic love be non-sexual? I think some people can be "in love" with you, but not sexually attracted to you.

by Anonymousreply 15901/26/2015

Tough one.

How often does romantic love cross the line into sexual?

I think for many people it's possible to fall in love with someone of the same or opposite sex even if that is not your usual preference.

Given society's mores it's a huge leap though for them to take the romantic love into sexual love. Because at that point, you're a couple-- you're already deeply in love.

A good parallel is a man leaving his wife for someone he's fallen in love with-- sometimes he's not brave enough to make the leap. Ditto with falling in love with someone from the wrong social class or ethnic group. (Not much of an issue in 2015 America, but still an issue in much of the world.)

So yes. But getting them to make the leap from best buddy to boyfriend is pretty unusual.

by Anonymousreply 16001/26/2015

It's really all about connection. Sometimes people have very strong connections with someone who is not their romantic life partner--a sibling, a friend, a parent, etc. But that connection does not have a sexual component. I can see it happening with a gay male and a straight male friend. I had strong friendships in high school with a couple guys like that, but it never felt sexual to either of us. After a party one night, my one friend Robert told me that he loved me. It was sweet and one of those drunk confessions. The next day he called me and said he meant it--that he really loved me as a very good friend. That's always seemed normal to me because I have a strong, non-sexual connection with my brother and cousin.

by Anonymousreply 16101/26/2015

[quote]I do believe that a straight man can fall in love with a Gay man

Can a gay male fall in love with his fag-hag?

by Anonymousreply 16201/26/2015


My brother's relationship broke up because his partner would rather spend time with his hag. My brother suspected something physical between them, but I didn't see it. They just clicked and wanted to spend all their time together. His hag was always there for him when his partners and friends were not.

by Anonymousreply 16301/26/2015

yes, my business partner fell in love with me.

Everyone of our employees knew except him

by Anonymousreply 16401/26/2015

My straight bro says he is homoemotional with me but it is not about sexual attraction, but emotional attraction. I believe he is right.

by Anonymousreply 16501/26/2015

fag-hag is fuck-buddy of a self-label 'GAY' guy.

by Anonymousreply 16601/26/2015

I grew up in a big Italian family with three brothers and I've always been shocked at how "gay" straight guys can be with each other.

You would be surprised how they and their friends act around each other through sports, fraternities, the military, and just hanging out.

The casual nakedness.

The drunken "I love you man" bonding.

The wrestling.

I have some straight guy friends that I'm very close to emotionally and while we love each other, there's nothing physical about it.

In fact, I do more ass-grabbing with my straight friends than I do the gay ones.

by Anonymousreply 16701/26/2015


by Anonymousreply 16801/27/2015

Course it can happen and does everywhere and everyday. I know from personal experience. Im gay and right now I have two "straight" guys that both have initiated conversations with me about our "being together" beyond just gettin naked together. My secret, for lack of a better term, allow the "straight" guy to keep his own sense of his masculinity and be a good, decent truthful person yourself who doesnt scheme or manipulate the "straight" guy just to get in his pants. Everyone wants and likes to be cared about, made to feel special and important and loved. It really is just that simple.

by Anonymousreply 16902/21/2015

Sometimes I think one of my straight male friends likes me more than he does his fiancee. He likes my taste better than hers, I am discovering, as they plan their wedding.

I'm not attracted to him sexually, though if he were gay, I might try to have sex with him. I think of him as a friend for life, though, so if he were gay, I'd certainly think about marrying him. I don't have many friends who are this thoughtful, gay or straight.

by Anonymousreply 17002/21/2015

I think it is very possible. I'm a gay dude and have been accused of "turning guys out" but in all honesty, I do not or have I ever set out to "turn out" anyone. The reason I say this is due to the fact that I've noticed that when a friendship between a straight & gay male is developing and emotions are added into the mix, you both naturally take your rightful positions without even noticing... my friend started acting as if I answered to him, etc... I would allow him to make final decisions, etc... and then before you know it the topic of relationships and sex is more frequent and then the topic of "so what turns you on about being with another dude" "I don't get it" and after you explain, then more questions. Straight guys love to feel comfortable, supported, encouraged, and loved/appreciated.

by Anonymousreply 17104/23/2015

I guy that I work with said to me "if only you were a woman". That's the closest I ever got.

by Anonymousreply 17204/23/2015

Dear Dorothy, please stop fantasizing. Unless you grow a tight warm pussy and lose the lisp and gay voice, it's not gonna happen. I"m sorry.

by Anonymousreply 17304/23/2015

I emotionally supported a friend who's straight after he lost his job. He called me today to tell me that he landed a new one and thanked me for my support and understanding during this tough time.

I'm more 'in like' with him now than I was a while ago; it sure felt like love back then.

I wondered who else in his life did he call to share the news about the job before me.

How nice this would be if he were gay and he fell for me.

Alas, not meant to be.

by Anonymousreply 17404/23/2015

It's called friendship. Not everybody thinks with their dick. Straights like you and enjoy being around you. What's hard to believe about that? There's nothing magic about it. You have gay and straight friends. Sounds like you're good people.

by Anonymousreply 17504/23/2015

I'm straight, but...

by Anonymousreply 17604/24/2015

The str8 men who respond so definitively, as though their personal life experience and internal emotional makeup must absolutely be identical to every other str8 man's, should be ignored. There is tremendous diversity in the life experience continuum and everything imaginable probably is happening as I type. Fear mongering str8 males should either get a life or hide under the bed until mommy comes home.

by Anonymousreply 17705/31/2015

One of the replies (to someone who is presumably a woman) in the link R176 posted made me crack up.

[quote]Post tits or GTFO

by Anonymousreply 17805/31/2015

I believe this is the uncomfortable fluid/gray area in sexuality that many people don't want to acknowledge: There really are some people so charismatic and charming, so attractive (not just beautiful, I mean sexually magnetic) that all kinds of people are drawn to them and even if a straight man wouldn't, for instance, pursue anything serious with a sexually magnetic gay man, they'd still have to admit that the individual radiates sex appeal. Some people were just blessed with an uncommon evolutionary advantage in allure, that goes deeper than learned arts of seduction.

I guess technically, if the man gets in a relationship with another man, it can be classified as gay or Bi. But I think sexuality isn't always as clean-cut as we'd like it to be. Some guys just radiate "sex" and it's a hard force-field to break free from, gay, straight or anything in between.

by Anonymousreply 17905/31/2015

I love it when a hot straight dude flirts with me. Or a hot woman. It gives me the most validation of any type of flirting.

by Anonymousreply 18006/01/2015

One thing I love about the new Datalounge it your ability to ignore threads and that means no more of these creepy, self-loathing and homophobic "straight-guy" threads.

by Anonymousreply 18106/01/2015


by Anonymousreply 18206/09/2015


by Anonymousreply 18308/21/2015

It is possible

by Anonymousreply 18409/01/2015

I don't if "in love" is the quite the right word but it's certainly possible for a str8 guy to develop deep feelings for another guy that can be intimate in a way but in no way sexual. As some have said in earlier posts not all relationships you can have with people fall neatly in that one category or another of just a friend vs someone you have sex with and it can get a bit confusing for the two involved. I suppose that's where the term bromance comes from.

I have a long term male best friend that we've been very close and even physically intimate in a non sexual way for going on 20 years now. There have been plenty of opportunities over the years that it could have gotten sexual and never did and never will. We've even head a couple of discussions on the sexual possibility and he just doesn't have any desire to get sexaul with another guy and would if he did. We've slept in the same bed, cuddled a bit, heads in each others laps etc (in addition just being able to talk and connect about anything as long as we've known each other) but it's just never involved it's leading to sex or even kissing. I have to say early on i was confused as hell about the situation but after a while i just stopped worrying about it and enjoyed our relationship for what it is.

by Anonymousreply 18509/01/2015


by Anonymousreply 18609/02/2015


by Anonymousreply 18709/16/2015

why not...of course...COCK a Doodle Do Me

by Anonymousreply 18809/16/2015

R188 who is that dude?

by Anonymousreply 18909/17/2015

sometimes it's just confusing you can totally bond with someone but yet they just dont want to have sex with you.

by Anonymousreply 19009/17/2015

Not likely. And if by chance it did happen, no straight guy would ever admit to it. Ever.

by Anonymousreply 19109/17/2015

Some str8 guys actually wish they were gay or bi sexually. Lot of drama can come with getting pussy they just simply never have with their male buddies.

by Anonymousreply 19209/19/2015

I have a very close straight friend. We are strictly bros, plantonic. However, friends told me that when I graduated college (he was still in undergrad), he cried about missing me. He tells me he loves me. He is married to a woman now with kids, but he says he loves me all the time. It is a beautiful thing to love others as your brother.

by Anonymousreply 19309/21/2015

It happens R193. Sometimes you just develop a deep bond with someone that just doesn't have an sexual component and never will. It's somewhat unexplainable but i have a str8 best friend like that as well. It has never nor will ever be sexual but we're kinda bonded for life. It's probably related to we were there for each other in those challenging early college years when the world was pure confusion for both of us and we became each other's anchors. We've been there for each other though all kinds of shit over now 20 years. Both of us just kinda know no matter who comes and goes from our life that bond between us just isn't changing.

by Anonymousreply 19409/21/2015

Yeah bro

by Anonymousreply 19506/03/2016
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