Ok, I've hired an escort twice. Once when I lived in Chicago, out of sheer loneliness, and once in Paris for the thrill and enjoyment of it. I've always been a fit, good-looking guy but have had difficulty breaking through with gay men in social situations.
The Chicago one was late night on a Sunday, feeling unbearably lonely. I was probably 27. I was a runner then so I was lean, unblemished, with a great ass. (I've always had a great ass.) This was in, like 1994, just on the cusp of online social networking going mainstream. I phoned an escort service from a local gay rag and the, erm, "receptionist"?, "dispatcher"? (who sounded like, but was not as far as I know, but sounded like "Madge Weinstein"), took the call and said they would call me back, didn't know if they had anyone available for me - so from the start there was a lack of genuine enthusiasm from their end. I phoned me back about 10 minutes ago and said he had someone whom he described to me. He was a top. I think it then that he said he was bisexual. Fine. He arrived, he was mixed race, maybe black.
He wasn't there very long. He got undressed really quick - he was just there to do a job. I started giving him head, he got hard, he stuck his dick in me and within about 90 seconds he came. That was it. I was not pleased. At all. I was like, "What was that?" He looked like no one had ever said that to him before and after a long moment says, "Oh...didn't you? I thought you came." I was pretty much like, "When was that?" Then he starts going, "Oh, um," and says he's sorry, that he'll come back again and do me for half price. I'm like, "You should go now."
A few minutes after he leaves, I'm on the phone back to the escort agency and I'm like, "What the fuck was that?!" I complained for so long that the dispatcher finally said, "Sir! I'm so sorry! If I didn't have such a terrible cold, I'd come over there and BLOW YOU RIGHT NOW!" That was the end of that. What I realised is that the guy wasn't gay and that's how straight women have been getting fucked since the beginning of time. (1/2)